F3 New Orleans

Tag: Safety Valve

  • Basketball Jones 2: Popeye Wanted Coupons – from Paradox

    “I’ve seen this disease process before” YHC sighed as he looked through the window at the man across his street. He was shooting free throw after free throw in his driveway , darting to get rebounds and boxing out his young children. They never stood a chance. Had he left cataracts on the table to come home and work on his game? The world may never know. YHC wasn’t sure how advanced the affliction was and emergent consult was needed.

    “Yup, seen this one hundreds of times , You have to treat it before it progresses“ YHCs M (who finished much higher in her respective med school class than YHC ) reported, as we watched him miss layup after layup while the sun faded over St Johns Place.

    She looked at YHC with concern and understanding …

    “You know there’s only one cure for the Basketball Jones…”

    Duke!! Stop practicing your sky hook and roll the beautiful footage!

    8 ballers strong at the Den today. YHC put out the late bat signal for a few bballs and these guys never disappoint. The Den has previously produced some deep magic (shoes/no shoes) and two separate light up basketballs from two distinct houses on a day when the lights are out on the court?! The amazingness only added to the divine mystique of the Den providing what the pax need for that days beatdown.

    Standard Warmup with Ronnie reminding YHC of his flag duties , midway through and a seamless transition setting them up. Further contributing to YHC’s theory that it will take 7-8 of us to accomplish what Goose has done alone for years. ( Dont worry , We’ll edit this out for Gooses ego later)

    Coupon Indian Run with 3 OHP drop off.

    Continues to be a crowd pleaser and chatter killer.

    At the court we confirmed we would play in the dark and I set my mind to work on investigating which eye care provider sabotaged the lights for more referrals. YHC is slowly learning the Thibodaux Eye Mafia is nothing to mess with.

    We accepted the darkness would mold us and The BBJ veterans knew there’s only one proper way to start this party…

    SONG : Basketball Jones

    Cheech and Chong version

    Hold coupon OHP with high knees

    “Basketball” is a Thruster

    OR

    Al Gore with Bobby Hurley on “basketball “.

    YHC had planned to give the pax an option of a made free throw that would save us from thrusters.

    AB got off to a hot start in his sandbagging by pretending to have never seen a basketball in his entire 48 years. Unfortunately EnValve followed suit and ya know what …why don’t we just enjoy the song. It’s a lovely , politically correct song after all.

    Next up :

    “Around the World”

    Increasing Bobby Hurleys on corners. 1-11 (in honor of our favorite Duke Alum, Mr Bobby Hurley. He was #11)
    At corner 4/ Thruster Station (reps #4, 8, 10, 6, 2)

    You can do regular scheduled reps OR go double or nothing.

    Make your free throw and you can skip your thrusters , miss your free throw and do double reps.

    Transport:

    Run -side shuffle -Nur

    This is where AB took off his Scooby Doo villain mask and revealed he was actually there to teach a dadgum free throw seminar. Honeysuckle gave him a good run but AB edged him out to win the race and listen to a few seconds of planked up Hit Team while the less fortunate pax finished. The “Cardinal phenomenon” continues to amaze me. When a man is placed between thrusters or relative comfort his body will produce unimaginable athleticism. (Or in cardinals case , Star Wars trivia)

    Da Main Event

    Putout/Gotcha/Lightning

    Standard rules

    One time only Buy back in 20 thrusters

    When out -mosey around the court perimeter

    SSH in line

    YHC continues to get a D minus in the “game explanation” category of beatdown construction and some pax thought they had multiple buy ins. When the confusion cleared and the riff raff took the penalty run it was Ronnie, AB and YHC to duke it out. Ronnie was only a few thrusters away from return when AB ended it with a timely layup. When the History books of F3 Thibodaux are written please make sure AB is in the top rankings for Sandbag Performance of 2024.

    Space Jam Finisher

    Suicides on song and None other than Bobby Hurleys on Jam.

    A wobbly legged Coupon Indian Run back to Flags.

    Push-up Pimp awarded to the Best of America for honoring the vocation with his good form and his sly dog tactics.

    Announcements: Saturday is open? May challenge is upon us.

    Prayer Intentions for retreatants, travelers.

    COT and Suckle prayed us out

    Epilogue :

    They met that evening again at the Basketball Jones Recovery Center to observe their patient through the window.

    Did the treatment take ? Was the cardio dose high enough? We would know shortly.

    Across the street, Right on cue , the patient stepped out of the Platinum Falcon and picked up a basketball .

    He held it for a few seconds remembering the scars then lined up a deep 3.

    Nothing but net.

    He left the ball to roll in the street and joined his kids on a bike ride.

    “Another case cured “ my wife whispered.

    I nodded and wiped a single tear.

    “Some men just need the space ya know ….the Space to Jam”

    SYITG

  • Don’t Bleepin’ Test Me Bro – from Piccadilly

    YHC feels a change is on the horizon and thought he would cash in on a long overdue Q session. As I arrived 5 minutes early for a change, Enron had beat me to the starting area due to what I’d assume a bad night sleep.

    The rest of the pax arrived and we began…

    Warm O Rama: ssh, Willie’s, mountain climbers, imperial walkers, self love…suddenly America’s Best appears, arm circles, cherry pickers…

    Warm up Indian run mosey around the track until everyone ran to the front one time then off to …

    THANG1

    The Bleep Test

    2 cones were set apart approximately 65 feet and the bleeps began. On first bleep, run to the next cone before the second bleep. Every so many rounds the window between bleeps gets shorter. If you don’t make it to second cone before second bleep, you fail, bye bye. After 2 fails based on the honor system, you’re out.
    Do ssh or air squats while watching rest of pax run and gasp for air…
    It was hard and highlighted my lack of fitness.
    Somehow the age before youth outlasted the lad and Honeysuckle prevailed over pope.

    THANG2

    7s

    Classic 7s starting with 6 burpees at first cone. Run to second cone and do 1 BBS. Complete til 1 burpee and 6 BBS.

    THANG3

    The Bleep Test

    It wasn’t any easier but maybe a bit harder. We, well not me but they, may have made it to round 7 in thang 1, but in thang 2 suckle and pope got to round 5 or 6. Honeysuckle prevails again. This dudes an animal.

    THANG 4

    7s : start with 6 ssh and 1 Bobby Hurley, complete til 1 ssh and 6 Bobby’s
    Then complete 50 merkins and 25 BBS on your own.

    With about 10 mins to 6 AM, we moseyed back to the flag and completed a casual Indian run around the big loop reminiscing about buttermilk biscuits and sir mix a lot.

    Maybe next time gents…we’ll cook up some pancakes.

    COT and Wet Tap prayed us out.

    Thanks fellas for digging deep with me this morning. Always a blessing and a privilege to sweat amongst you PAX.

    -Dilly

  • The Killian – from Smooth Operator

    4/22/24 the Killian
    Popeye
    Safety Valve
    Wet Tap

    Warmarama
    Nothing out of the ordinary

    Last year YHC led a beatdown titles the Samson. Samson was the name of one of the twins YHC and my M lost last year. Well YHC figured today was as good as any to honor his twin brother with his own beatdown called the Killian. Killian’s name comes from a character on the TV show Once Upon a Time. His character was basically a bad guy turned good pirate type. Therefore I felt a little Ruch man loop 4 corners are in order in remembrance of him.
    Therefore we moseyed over to the far corner of rich man’s loop to start thang1

    Thang 1

    Corner one would be a 30 yard bear crawl down the dead end street and lunge walk back to the first street light. From here the PAX would mosey in a clockwise manner to each streetlight and do 1 genuflection a piece throughout the whole loop. At corner 2 the pax would do 25 shoulder tap merkins before resuming our genuflection mosey.
    Corner 3 was 25 goosee and corner 4 was 25 2 is 1 Jlos. After this the fast Pax had a choice to make, they could either complete more Bearcrawl a and lunge walks till the slower pax caught up or pick the 6 up and get everyone to the finish line. The Pax kicked this thangs butt therefore YHC felt compelled to do this one again. The only difference is the PAX only had to complete 2 of the 4 corners of there own choosing. We did a burpee by each light pole instead of a genuflection. Once this was completed the PAX moseyed on back to the flag for thing 2

    Thang 2
    Traffic burpees.
    This is YHC favorite exercise with less than 10 minutes left in the beatdown, but we changed it up a little bit. For this version the PAX was in the plank position and when a car passed the PAX would d a merkin followed by a grounder and a jump squat and fall back into the plank position. The PAX watched 15 cars before the someone had planted the idea to hold 6” and do heels to heaven for the last 3 or 4 minutes.

    0600 arrived and The PAX hustled back to the flag. We counted off and Popeye prayed us out. Thanks for letting me lead fellas.

  • Tour de Tabata – from Safety Valve

    7 HIMs met in the gloom expecting to learn something from the professor this morning. Most looked a bit bewildered, and perhaps regretful for getting out for bed to experience a double valve feature this week. With YJ put on injured reserve, YHC decided he would offer his services to the PAX.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Mountain climbers
    Imperial walkers
    Willy mays hays
    Arm circles forward and backward

    Thang – starting at the lion

    YHC has been frightened by the cardio fitness of the PAX lately. Since RCR in February the cardio has slacked off. With the exception of Lil Cuz, YHC has not been impressed. We tried to remedy some of that today. Since YHC would rather be next to AB while doing gas pumps than complete a 10 minute dialogue between each thang, today’s beatdown was designed to have as little mumble chatter as possible.

    Tabata
    5 minutes – 20 seconds all out 10 seconds rest
    Alternating burpees and mountain climbers

    Mosey to Sherwin Williams parking lot

    Tabata
    5 minutes – 20 seconds all out 10 seconds rest
    Alternating Merkins and jump squats

    Mosey to “the garden”. Interesting smells coming from this place today. Not sure if the veggies were rotting or someone was trying to ferment cabbage for wine making purposes.

    Tabata
    5 minutes – 20 seconds all out 10 seconds rest
    Alternating SSH and squats

    Mosey to far end of the reservoir to Edward Jones parking lot. If anyone needs a good financial advisor, they have a nice building and lots of parking.

    Tabatha
    5 minutes – 20 seconds all out 10 seconds rest
    Alternating V ups and LBCs

    Mosey back to lion. At this point Enron was so enraged with AB’s and YHC’s Edward Jones comments, he let loose all his rage at once. AB said that he could even taste it.

    5 minutes – 30ish seconds all out 15ish seconds rest
    Suicides between sidewalks

    0600 came, COT commenced, The rugby jersey went from suckle to smooth for his consistent leadership on Warrior Wednesday, YHC received the pimp from Enron for some unknown reason.

    Thanks for showing up. Always a pleasure to lead.

  • Fort Knox – from Paradox

    YHC recently listened to an excellent podcast episode breaking down the United States Bullion Depository , better known as Fort Knox. YHCs working knowledge of Fort Knox before this was at about a 6th grade level and while I was slightly disappointed to learn there was neither a moat nor sharks with lazer beams (I meannn not even ill tempered sea bass?!), I was however , fascinated by the robust layers of security present. If one presents such a security the obvious response is “well what WOULD it take to break in?”. YHC loves a good heist film so it was only a matter of time before I began to devise a plan …and as the plan took form it was much more clear that it was a question of “ WHO would I need?” rather than “ WHAT I would need “

    A team..but not just any team . A diverse group of high impact men with particular sets of skills. It just so happened that 9 of these very men showed up at the Stage Tuesday morning ready for action.

    It went a little something like this….

    Duke!! Get your ski mask and roll the footage.
    I love it when a plan comes together!

    Warmup

    We got down to some usual warmups and it was clear this was not the ole chatter gang. Most days this would unsettle YHC to the point of provoking white bean schisms but today it was just the tone I was looking for.
    These men were lazer focused and had the fresh pain from the tax man in their hearts.

    Bumper Mosey to start of Richmans Loop where YHC laid out todays mission.
    It was Simple. We were going to Fort Knox and we were going to get our money back.

    Right on cue Popeyes old military buddy landed an Apache helicopter in the finance parking lot. Let’s just say you can make things happen when Sean Penn owes you a favor .
    We loaded up and headed for north Kentucky.

    Objective #1
    Aerial drop and debrief

    Introduced “The Sky Mile” (say it with a north La draw and it sounds like my favorite magazine)

    Fort Knox is located on a 109k acre base so we couldn’t just drive up with our Platinum f150 and ask directions to the vault.
    We would enter from the sky.

    To stretch on the way we did 20 Aussie sweat angels (feels like sky diving ) and 20 ranger merkins (we need to atkeast look like military) x 4 rounds and we added a golden trivia debrief with a burpee penalty. It made for quite a festive chopper ride.

    Trivia

    1. Name Only President to see inside of Fort Knox -FDR
    **some mutiny early here as SV softly said the correct answer immediately and AB discussed the virtue of 12 other presidents before coming back to trusting his safety valve with FDR.

    2. Gold is one of 4 transition metal in group 11 on the periodic table. Name the other three. (Copper silver, roentgeniyn)

    YHC wasn’t letting the pax get away with out burpees so Roentygenium was added as an Maneater chemistry defense. It worked like a charm and we did 7 burpees.

    3.) The “gold watch” and the “Bonnie situation” are chapters in this 1994 movie

    AB yawned , answered Pulp Fiction correctly and moseyed on. He didn’t just grow up in the 90s …he IS the 90s. No trivia is safe.

    At the drop zone we hit a dead sprint with one last debrief.

    4.) A 1995 spy movie , a hit N64 video game and the nickname they call safety valve when he will only see cash patients.

    GOLDENEYE (several light chuckles were dispersed)

    We were on the ground now and the defense was just getting warmed up .

    Objective 2: Electric Fence

    The outermost perimeter of Fort Knox is surrounded by a 20 foot barbed wire electric fence. No big deal, YHC depended on the sound advice from Homer criminals that informed him you could bypass this with jumper cables and cut the area in between…that’s science brother. We did this and thin slid right in.

    “Electric Slide” by the Hit Team
    Lateral Slide on the song
    Star Jumper Cables on “Electric”
    Apollo Ohno on “Boogie Woogie”

    We lost White Meat half way through the fence and had to hook the jumper cables to his shin splints just to pull him through.

    Objective 3 : Landmines
    Once inside the fence there is 500 yards of heavily dispersed landmines. We had Honeysuckle pull a dark web search here and the only plausible way to survive a Minefield is obviously single file bearcrawl.

    Bearcrawl Indian Run
    1 lap – last man 1 merkin to to front.
    Made 1 loop around the track and bears were turning into Linda’s left and right until Ladybug made an epic bearcrawl sprint to reignite the mission. T-claps.

    Objective 4 : Guards

    Now we are on the front porch of the vault house with one major external obstacle left. Guards.
    But if there’s one thing Goose has trained us in , it’s the distracting power of music. We needed something special here , something so bad you would lay down your machine gun on duty and cover your ears. let’s see …late 90s…TRL…frosted tips…pointless lyrics…puca shell necklaces …bingo…

    Music – SmashMouth “AllStar”
    On Song: Step ups
    Chorus – Box jumps

    The legs were a little wobbly but we walked right in the frontier unscathed.

    Finale
    Objective 5 : The Vault

    What’s left before we see the 300 billion worth of gold ?

    Oh just a 21 inch thick steel vault door and the most intricate pass code systems ever created including 4 seperate individuals who have only a portion of the code each.

    First things first, the vault door.
    Reported to be able to withstand an atomic blast, drill or a blow torch but the pax of F3 Thibodaux had something stronger. ABs last 3 meals included gas station fish sticks, a nachos belle grande, and the rotolos garlic special aka the rotor rooter. This led to a synergistic bonding in his colon that would have scared even the creatures of Roentgeniun and one gas pump later we had a man sized hole melting in the vault door. We all have our gifts.

    And now for that pesky code so the alarm doesn’t trigger. .

    Split into teams and each team goes to 1 of 4 stations.
    Each station has 1 trivia question and one exercise. 1 minute AMRAP while you chew on the trivia question. Once you have an answer fill in the blank and move to your next station.

    Your answers should combine for an 8 digit code .
    Answer after so you can keep score at home!

    Station #1
    Number of Medals won by Jesse Owens in 1936 Olympics

    Apollo Ohnos

    Station #2 – they weren’t counting gold but they were counting plenty of cards in this 2008 film about MiT students gaming a popular casino card game.

    No cheat merkins

    Station #3
    The year the Golden state warriors were beat by Toronto Raptors in NBA finals.

    Bobby Hurleys

    Station #4
    Bonnie Blair set the world record in the 500 m speed skate in the Calgary Olympics in this year.

    Bonnie Blair’s

    ANSWER :

    04211988
    Or
    04/21/1988

    Hmmmm…
    Interesting date

    -HoneySuckle and ladybug took first place with 3/4 correct.
    -Valve with honorable mention as he was solo with YHC and there were very few hints.
    -a certain unnamed optometrist had issues with 12 pt times new Roman font and boyyy that presbyopia continues to strike our 40 north club. Ya hate to SEE it.

    We were now successfully inside the vault just as our own 6am alarms began to go off …

    Counting , Naming and Rugby was given to HoneySuckle from Ladybug for his puzzle skills.

    COT and Honeysuckle prayed us out

    Had a blast putting this one together , thanks for breaking and entering with me .
    It’s always a privilege to lead you men.

    Post Script

    Year of our Lord 2124
    Journal entry from Lil Cuz the 6th

    …generation after generation of F3 Thibodaux pax trained to break into Fort Knox. It was our yearly rite of passage to test fitness and a sharp mind. There finally came a time for the real mission. They had gotten a tip off from the great great grandson of HoneySuckle (he just happened to have a vaguely defined government job) that a long lost treasure had been found.

    After breezing through the defenses they stood in the vault of Fort Knox. The bright reflection of gold cast on their faces as they walked between towering rows of gold plates. Each man considering how much one 26.5 lb bar could change his life. But they stayed true. They strode past the Constitution, brushed aside priceless original paintings and didn’t even glance at the Magna Carta. Then, they found it.
    Nestled in a bin of gold and jewels it was wrapped in its dusty leather casing with tidy stencil spray paint letters on the front …

    “The Story of the Bayou Pax and the unabridged Monologues of Yankee Jeaux the 1st: Volume 1”

    They tucked it safely in the flying douche wagon and left the treasures of this earth behind for good.

    You see , Their fathers and their father’s fathers had already handed down the real treasure to them during each beatdown:

    Love your Creator, Lead your family, Strengthen the man next to you and always be grateful for the hidden treasures in each day.

    “For where your treasure is , there also your heart will be “
    Luke 12:34

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Tax day – fit rich – from Safety Valve

    YHC showed up to the Stage with a lone soul awaiting glory in the gloom. Cardinal was there by himself, likely contemplating his decision to wake up this morning as he beat the Q there. Dox is finally seeing things from his neighbors perspective and showed up tardy today…because who really needs to do SSH. Cuz, Popeye, and white meat decided to be the cool kids and show up not too early, but also courteous enough to not be late.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Willy Mayes Hayes
    Mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward and backward
    Cherry pickers
    High knees and butt kicks (the correct way)

    No one likes paying taxes, and most PAX really do not enjoy when YHC Qs a beatdown. Those things together sound great to me, so that’s what we did today.

    Thang

    Taxman by the Beatles – SSH for duration, burpees anytime taxman or taxman was said.

    We then set forth on a Mosey to Rich Man’s loop to start making our payments to the taxman.

    Quarterly estimated payments – none of them are fun, but the last one hurts the most. Also, you put in a lot of work between the quarterly payments, only to give more back. After a mosey to rich mans loop, we used the loop as our playground to pay estimated tax payments to Uncle Jeaux.
    – Diamonds/Four corners:
    – 7 burpees at corner 1
    – 7 burpees and 14 merkins at corner 2
    – 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 big boy sit ups at corner 3
    – 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 big boy sit ups and 28 squat jumps at corner 4

    Crunching the numbers
    After finishing our mile mosey back to the “flag”, we finally made it to crunch time in terms of taxes. We made our payments. We filled out our forms. Checked them over numerous times. It is now April 15th – the deadline to submit is here. Crunch time ensues:
    7s with V ups and Big Boy Sit Ups, bear crawl and crab walk as mode of transport

    Penalties and calculated interest
    We submitted our forms. Five years later, we get a letter in the mail explaining that we messed up and actually owed more than we coughed up. Plus, they want the interest that they lost over that time period. How nice. PAX members were chosen “at random” to choose one of five dry erase boards as we are audited. Each board was flipped over, so the PAX had no idea what was to come. The boards all contained one exercise plus an additional “interest exercise” that made the first one hurt more.

    Possible choices:
    20 Freak nasties then 20 merkins
    20 Squat jumps then 20 Monkey Humpers
    V ups then hold six inches for 1 minute
    20 Biceps curls then single arm bent over row with coupon (20 on each side)
    20 Overhead press then 20 Derkins

    6 o’clock came, COT commenced, Dox has two Q this week for something “special”, Cuz formed words and prayed us out.

    Moleskine:
    In our careers, we make a salary and we pay lots of that money back with the hope that something good will ever come of it. Maybe we will always keep waiting. But, after seeing how much of our salary goes to taxes, it may then make us want to work longer hours so that we can pocket more ourselves. Always remember though, the more you make, the more you give back.

    What if we were happy with only what we needed monetarily? Nothing left over to have a large house, a nice car, or to eat out every night of the week. How much time would we be able to free up in our lives for others if we lived on just what we needed. Perhaps a greater sign of well being and worth is the tax bill we build up if we were taxed on the time we gave others. Give some thought to it. Take that extra day of vacation off to be with family because it matters. Take the afternoon off to help your parents with something at their house or to help a friend in need. I will always regret not taking that afternoon off to see my little girl in her Easter bonnet parade. That will only happen once in her life. In ten years, I may not remember why I had to miss it, but I’ll remember that I did.

    Thanks for showing up men. Always a pleasure to lead.

  • The Den of Pain – from Smooth Operator

    4/11/24 Den of Pain
    Maneater
    Jackknife
    Honeysuckle
    AB
    GOOSE
    POPE
    YJ
    ENRON
    LIL CUZ

    Warmarama
    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial walkers
    Arm circles
    Mountain climbers

    The Pax grabbed a block and party mode BAPS and Indian rucked with last man doing 3 thrusters to the Den of pain.

    Due to YHC’s inability to count reps we will be practicing this throughout the beatdown

    Thang 1
    7’s
    Block and bears were the transport and man makers or blockies , depending on who you ask ,were done on the hill and goblet squats done between the tire and Oak tree finish line. Block and bears were done going both ways for 2 or 3 rounds and then YHC graciously lowered the expectation to one way and then rifle carry back. Enron completed his 7’s therefore YHC called the Pax back to the top the hill to start thang 2 to save time.

    Thang 2
    11’s
    Murder bunnies were the transport only one way and rifle carry back. Thruster we’re done on top the hill and the finish line which was moved up by YHC, the Pax did WW3 sit ups in the mud. The Pax got roughly half way completed this exercise before YHC called it due to 0600 creeping up on us. At 0545 the Pax partnered up for the next thang.

    Thang 3
    YHC had a vision of doing a Dora 123 with 100 150 200 but with 0600 staring us in the face we bumped it down to 50 100 150. For the 50 the pax would be doing triceps curls. For 100 biceps curls and 150 a rods. The kicker is the mode of transport for the traveling partner would be zombie crawls to the finish line and sprint back. I believe the Pax got roughly half way through their biceps curls before YHC had to call it to get back to the flags. The Pax Indian rucked back and we made it back in time to hold 6” for what felt like an hour but was really 1 1/2 minutes.

    After this we counted off and had announcements and Safety Valve made formed words and prayed us out. Thanks fellas for sticking with me, and not removing my Qing card immediately after the beatdown. It was a pleasure to lead y’all
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator

  • Sweatin’ to the Oldies? – from America’s Best

    The morning was blustery. YHC was a bit late, and too tired to care that his cardboard boxes were about to blow away. Luckily Enron arrived early, surveyed the situation, and was able to uproot some tree stumps to keep YHC’s props from blowing away.

    Warmarama (that did not start with SSH) was presented with limited commercial interruption.

    The first Thang: Intro to Hans and Franz (Arnold Schwarzenegger Merkins and Squats):
    These are 9-count exercises. 5 count down, hold for 3 count, then explode up. The PAX performed these together, in 7s-style, to learn the cadence and ensure compliance. This must’ve been easier than YHC anticipated because the mumblechatter was deafening.
    You may be asking yourself, “Myself, why are they called ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger Merkins’ and ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger Squats’?
    Because that’s how Arnold Schwarzenegger does them.

    Thang 2: Decades
    6 Stations are set up, labeled 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s, 20s. Each has 2 exercises assigned to it. A song plays. Mission of player is to identify which decade the song is from, bear crawl to that station, and perform AMRAP of the 2 exercises displayed. You can do as many of each as you choose, as long as you do at least one of each. If you are performing the exercises from the correct decade (you are in the correct station), you get credit for whichever of the 2 you did the most of. If you are in the incorrect decade station, you only get credit for the one which you did fewer of.
    Bonus points: At the end of the song, the word “STOP” is played, and is from another song. If you can ID where that came from, 20 bonus points. If you guess incorrectly, 5 burpee penalty.
    The Highlights:
    – Everyone except Popeye knows that Twilight Zone by Golden Earring is from the 80s
    – Goose did 98 of something! (and was in the correct decade)!
    – … but then Pope did 100
    – Enron was the only one to win Bonus Points… Hammertime!
    – Dox working out in the correct decade, heard a falsetto in a Broken Bells song, and said something like “Dangggitt” then switched to the 1970s…
    – White Meat wins for most rounds with the same score.
    – YHC was busy moving coupons and DJ-ing and missed most of the fun. Mental note to create a glove with a thumb cut-out.

    Points have been tallied… but this stuff is YOU AGAINST YOU, so I can give you your number, and just do better next time. It’s called beating yourself. (Not the same as self-love)

    A fair time was had by most.

    COT and The Jersey of Mike was bestowed upon LadyBug for his persistence– good to see him back.

    Goose prayed us out. Always an honor to lead such a great group of guys.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Hybrids, Donkeys, and Facial Nuts: My Life in Vegan Tights – from Yankee Joe

    YHC enjoys a good prank. As such, April Fool’s Day is like Christmas. Last year, YHC revealed to the PAX that he and his family were moving to the Seattle area. The M would be taking a job with Amazon, while YHC would follow his new found passion of farming to work for a local, kumquat farm. It specialized in organic kumquat-based mineral oils and lotions – all available through an affordable monthly subscription.

    The name of the farm? “Kumquat May.”

    ——————-

    This year, the “prank” part was too wonky and to be honest, after a grueling Saturday beatdown, a little recovery was needed. YHC still got in his jokes about switching over to CrossFit and trying to recruit F3 PAX to the good side of the force. However, instead of additional pranks, YHC set out to create a unique beatdown experience. A few fellers were asked for two true statements and one ‘not so true’ statement about themselves. The PAX could then guess which was which. One’s guess about what was fact or quasi fiction would dictate the type of exercise completed.

    However, before those shenanigans, YHC had other good stuff up his singlet. In the vein of CrossFit, YHC has always wanted to include a truck tire or heavy object rope pull. Wet Tap, who may or may not have been joking, suggested the Prius on GroupMe the night before. That’s all it took.

    “Duke, stop chewing on your ass.”

    ———————

    10 PAX and one FNG pulled up to the Stage on a comfortable 70 degree mernin’. The FNG, who was recruited by Popeye, was a good ‘ol Texas boy from his hometown of Austin. In his FNG naming, we would find out that he had once been pepper sprayed by the cops outside of the Cotton Bowl, WHILE on horseback because he was mother f-ing Justin Timberlake about being a shitty mouseketeer.

    His eventual name selection of Face Nutz was based on a story not appropriate for this backblast, but suffice it to say, Nutz has a special place in Toby Keith’s heart…rest in peace.

    Anyway, YHC had gotten to the Stage about 45 minutes early to test out how the Prius would respond to being pushed in neutral. Even solo, YHC was able to get some traction for about 10 yards. There was a Plan B, but this thang was just crazy enough to work.

    After a wonky Warmarama, in which the PAX did side straddle hops…that’s it. We only did side straddle hops. 410 side straddle hops…you get it…4/1. A few pranks had to be thrown in there, after all.

    Ok, so after that, we did the first ever F3 Prius indigenous peoples push.

    ———————

    The Thang:

    PAX in two teams

    – One team pushing the Prius – one PAX in the driver seat, the other teammates pushing.

    – Second team drops off and completes 10 triple merkin burpees (burpee with three merkins at bottom before jumping up).

    – Second team then runs to relieve the Prius team

    – Continue in that way around Rich Man’s Loop (approx. ½ mile)

    ——————–

    A few observations:

    It is possible that the Live Oak HOA will finally come together and ban F3. There was no shortage of neighbors peering out their windows. Pushing a car is one thing. White Meat yelling at anyone who would listen that it gets “85 miles to the freakin’ gallon” is something entirely different. However, YHC does appreciate the solidarity. Good lookin’ out, Bro.

    Paradox could not count the triple merkins at the bottom of the burpee. This is especially interesting since he perfected the triple merkin in order to cheat during Jurptober. His entire team’s points should have been thrown out.

    Wet Tap and Smooth could have simply carried the Prius around RML by themselves. Seriously, I’m not sure they broke a sweat. Smooth simply said, “ain’t this cute.”

    YHC still can’t believe how well this worked. Pushing the Prius, even with 4 to 5 people, got REAL hard, REAL quick. Steering without power was also a great arm workout. Except for the almost collision with the port-o-potty…because Face Nutz can’t drive (or maybe he couldn’t see because you know…the nutz…in the face), the PAX successfully pushed the Prius around RML and headed back to the Stage.

    ———————-

    Upon return to the Stage, the PAX completed

    – 41 burpees
    – 41 leg lifts
    – 41 J-Lo’s
    – 41 jump squats
    – 41 thrusters.

    It was during the jump squats that we heard the familiar retching of an FNG. We all looked over to see Face Nutz bent over and yakking his nutz off. However, he hadn’t moved his coupon before doing so and thus coated it with a creamy yellow bile…a color and consistency only found in Safety Valve’s Kenyan cool brew froth.

    Once the PAX finished up and the exercise circle moved upwind from Nutz’ vomit, facts were revealed. As mentioned, PAX would choose what they believed to be true versus a lie. Their choice dictated the exercises to come.

    Fact or (Quasi) Fiction

    *The first set of “facts” came from Paradox.

    1) At a birthday in middle school, a donkey kicked out his front teeth. For the next several years, through undergrad, his nickname was “Donkey Teef.”

    2) As the center for the Homer High School football team, he once sharted during a game and the quarterback, at first under center, took every subsequent snap in shotgun formation even though the head coach was threatening to bench him.

    3) He graduated from medical school

    I’ll let you, dear reader decide which of the three is false (and yes…almost everyone chose #3).

    —————————

    In the interest of time, YHC will only include the others’ most obscure, but true fact that blew the PAX’ collective mind.

    *Wet Tap “Fact”

    One of Wet Tap’s favorite songs is, “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. He said he loves singing this under his breath every time he gives epidurals to women in labor. One time, as he was preparing to administer the epidural, the woman heard him and burst out singing the song at the top of her lungs. Together, they sang so enthusiastically, that she prematurely went into labor and ended up having a natural birth.

    Moral of the story? Don’t ever let Wet Tap sing to your wives, boys.

    ————————-

    *Popeye “Fact”

    Popeye loves soup. His favorite soup, we found out this morning, is Cream of Asparagus. He said he literally buys the 24-can case from Costco every few weeks. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as Cream of Asparagus. What’s more, is that he likes to chill it in the fridge overnight and then sip on it like a vichyssoise on a hot summer afternoon.

    I tell you what…Popeye sure does keep you on your toes.

    ———————-

    *America’s Best “Fact”

    One time, while still living in Virginia, AB went to a fundraiser in Washington D.C. While there, he got – in his own words – tore up from the floor up, and went to the men’s room to relieve himself. While at the urinal, Peyton Manning came in and started using the next urinal over. AB was so excited that he turned to him and said, “What’s up?”

    Unfortunately, AB hadn’t finished relieving himself and pissed all over Manning’s shoes. Apparently Manning looked down in disbelief, then looked back up to AB. In his drunken stupor, AB simply paused, zipped up, and yelled, “Omaha, Omaha!” and ran out of the bathroom.

    ———————

    *Goose “Fact”

    In high school, Goose joined a choreographed choir group that toured around and performed show tunes. He joined because he had a crush on a girl who was in the troupe. However, after about six months, the girl quit the group, but Goose, by this point, loved every bit of it.

    In fact, he was apparently, really good. He started branching out with other groups. Due to his height as well as athletic coordination, he was offered a full ride scholarship to the Academie d’ Chaussettes Sales in Paris…wait for it…Kentucky. Paris, Kentucky.

    However, as we all know, at that point, he had turned it down to follow God’s call to join the seminary.

    ———————-

    After all songs were played and penalty exercises were completed, YHC had one more treat in store for the PAX! In fact, YHC had been working on this thang for months. The logistics to carry it out were a bit over the top and may or may not have impacted YHC’s marriage.

    Looking back over the morning, however, it may have been YHC’s finest hour.

    COT and Pope prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Our Consolation Is Abundant – from Yankee Joe

    First and foremost, welcome to @ZZ Leggs and @Elton. The joy of watching Goose and Reluctant Yankee (DRing from NOLA) go Beautiful Mind on us during FNG naming was a gift in itself. Both names are classic. Elton may be YHC’s favorite since the naming of Honeysuckle.

    YHC has several grumpy old man pet peeves. One of them is the abundant and obnoxious misuse of the word, “awesome.” That said, YHC should admit he uses the work WAY too much himself. It’s harder to stop saying it than, for example, crossing through the eye of a needle…or perhaps catching the eye of a German optometrist.

    To be awesome invokes the fullness of awe. Awe is typically invoked by events such as universe creation, miracles, defeating death, etc. So, when I hear certain PAX who are in their early 20’s and hail from LaRose say, “Bruhhh, those hot wings were AWESOME,” it makes one stop and ponder life in some confusion (and maybe sadness).

    Recently, YHC just reached his two-year Manniversary with F3. As many can relate, the F3 experience has been nothing short of a miracle. Sound melodramatic? Well, you be the judge. When YHC moved his family to Thibodaux, he had a few good acquaintances and some old “friends” from previous life chapters. His physical health was right in line with an early 40’s bro who often thought about the glory days. From time to time, he would run for a week or two after seeing a picture in which he saw the gut sticking out. YHC had no faith practice to speak of. Prayers happened when the S#&@ was hitting the fan or he was getting his teeth kicked in by life, in general.

    Blessed as he was to have a beautiful and growing family, along with a solid-ish career track, there was always something missing. “Something missing” is a dangerous place for a man to hang out…in between his ears…looking at deceivingly greener pastures elsewhere.

    So…with F3 came:

    1) meaningful friendships;

    2) the best physical/emotional shape in his life…since 1997;

    3) an awakening toward a faith life, leading ultimately to a full conversion to Catholicism;

    4) everything rich fruit that bountifully follows as a result of the previous three points.

    Still sound melodramatic? Deal with it, Pop.

    Coming up on his first year since confirmation in the Catholic Church, YHC is certainly not on the ballot for any ‘rookie of the year’ awards. That said, his faith has deepened in ways he never knew possible. Having never walked the Stations of the Cross before, it is these types of faith engagement of which YHC is just starting to now scratch the surface. And dang, bro…it’s some powerful stuff.

    After some thought and clumsy prayer, YHC settled on a ‘Stations of the Cross’ beatdown for Holy Saturday. The night before, YHC had a vision for how this could play out: 14 cones (or cawhns in North Louisiana). At 11 pm that night, the cones were no longer dramatic enough. YHC needed more.

    12 cinders and 12 cedar fence boards later, seven (7) crosses were hastily built. The PAX would go seven stations out (20 yards in between) and seven stations back. We would treat it as closely as time would permit to actually walking the Stations.

    However, in our version, we would lunge-walk with coupons in between stations (aka…walking genuflections) to symbolize bearing our own crosses. For each station, YHC read the leader’s prayer, the PAX responded, selected scripture was read aloud, followed by three (for the Triduum) exercises for the station. The third exercise was designed to consistently be six (6) man makers. Why? God made man on the sixth day.

    We would not have time to complete all exercises for all stations, but the PAX arrived at the 14th Station with two minutes to spare, picked up their coupons and sprinted back to the flag. The lunge-walks were brutal, the man makers were nauseating, and the side by side partner squats were disturbing…but not as awkward as the Suzanne Somers goblet squats.

    YHC will refrain from further narration. It’s not about him or the PAX…or the external validation derived from a quality backblast. On Saturday, seventeen men and soon to be men entered into Christ’s Passion.

    It was actually…

    Awesome.

    ————————————–

    Stations

    I. Jesus Is Condemned to Death
    20 Prisoner squats
    20 Nolan Ryans – both sides
    6 man makers

    II. Jesus Carries His Cross
    20 Goblet squats
    20 WWI sit-ups (no block)
    6 man makers

    III. Jesus Falls the First Time
    20 Burpees
    20 Mountain climbers (2:1)
    6 man makers

    IV. Jesus Meets His Mother
    20 flutter kicks w block
    20 WW2 Sit-ups with block/ or modify without
    6 man makers

    V. Jesus Is Helped by Simon of Cyrene
    20 partner air squats (side by side)
    20 Alternating partner shoulder tap merkins
    6 man makers

    VI. Jesus Is Comforted by Veronica, Who Wipes His Face
    20 apolo ohno’s (1:1)
    20 chilcutt jacks
    6 man makers

    VII. Jesus Falls Again Beneath the Weight of the Cross
    20 burpees, hand release merkins at bottom
    20 LBCs w/ block
    6 man makers

    VIII. Jesus Comforts the Women of Jerusalem
    20 Suzanne Somers (squats, toes pointed out)
    20 J-Lo’s (2:1)
    6 man makers

    IX. Jesus Falls for 3rd Time
    20 Bonnie Blair’s (2:1)
    6 man makers

    X. Jesus Stripped of His Clothes
    20 Thrusters
    6 man makers

    XI. Jesus Nailed to the Cross
    20 Star jumps
    6 man makers

    XII. Jesus Dies, Commending Himself to the Father
    20 genuflections
    20 V-ups
    6 man makers

    XIII. Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross and Placed in the Arms of Mary
    20 WW3 sit ups w/ block or modify to WW2 sit ups
    20 Leg lifts holding block straight up
    6 man makers

    XIV. Jesus is Placed in the Tomb of Joseph of Arimathea

    Coupon run back to flag
    6 man makers