F3 New Orleans

Tag: Superfas(t)

  • Bona Fide Odyssey – from Goose

    YHC may have done this theme before, but if so, it’s been long enough, and we were overdue for a romp through one of the greatest movies of all time, O Brother, Where Art Thou? In no other movie can you find a script made up completely of quotable one-liners given by the most interesting and entertaining characters in an unpredictable plot with every element coming from nowhere but left field, keeping the viewer in rapt wonder from start to finish. And, because of this, it’s the only movie YHC knows that doesn’t get old no matter how many times you watch it.

    Six adults and four 2.0’s gathered in the bright summer “gloom”, and YHC figured the leader of this outfit should be the one capaable of abstract thought, so he started the warmup with some SSH and moved through the usuals, adding some WMH and Good mornings since there would be some atrain on the back early on.

    We grabbed the blocks, and it was time to R-U-N-N-O-F-T. We made it to the playground, or the chain-gang work site, and YHC began reviewing the plot: the movie starts with three men chained together, running through a cornfield to escape from a chain gang. One of them, Ulysses Everett McGill, promised the other two share in the treasure he had buried, and they were running to try to catch a box car on a train. The treasure ended up being his wife and children, and he was on a time crunch because she was scheduled to get married to another man (“Mama says he’s bonafide.” “He’s a suitor!”)

    The exercise at this point would consist of two groups of three men, the first group, arms around each other, would lunge walk four steps together before dropping to the ground to avoid being caught, and there doing four Merkins before continuing to lunge walk four more steps, and moving in this fashion to where the “train tracks” were, the far playground area. The other three men stayed put, and acted as the chain gang, doing repeated sets of 10 grave diggers and 15 overhead presses with the block while Bose’, Sr. belted out Po’ Lazarus and Big Rock Candy Mountain. Insights about where to put your arm for the lunge walks and comparisons to high school dates at the movies were shared by our resident mid-beatdown philosopher, Lil’ Cuz.

    After a successful enough escape, we grabbed our blocks and moseyed to the Thunderdome. This would act as our rural radio station, where our newfound partner, Tommy (Suckle?), who sold his soul to the devil in return for guitar lessons, would give us what we needed to sing into a “can”, record a record, and make $10 apiece, unwittingly becoming major celebrities in the process.

    Bose’ rocked “Man of Constant Sorrows”, which rocked our lower abs in the following manner: hold 6 inches for the duration, and leg raises on every non-possessive pronoun that refers to the singer (I, me, he, him).

    In order to stay ahead of the pursuing lawmen, it was time to R-U-N-N-O-F-T again, this time along the road. But, about halfway to the chimney, one of our party demanded that we pull over immediately. He had heard something so irresistable, so heart-rendingly attractive, he, and then we, couldn’t not investigate. We discovered three beautiful women doing laundry in the stream singing the most intoxicating song in perfect bluegrass harmony. We also discovered an abnormally large number of people waliking the park that day and judging us as we completed the following routine (AB’s wearing of The Fire Within may have absorbed most of the rays of judgment aimed at us, but certainly not all.):

    11’s–run instinctively to where the Sirens are (a tree about 10-15 yards away), do 10 J-Lo Pickle Pounders, or Afflecks (as Delmar said, “We was fxin’ to fornicate!”), then like Pete, we was turned into a toad and had to frog-hop back for 1 American Hammer and so on in typical 11’s fashion. The American Hammers were reflective of the two remaining friends who weren’t transformed, but were beat with a tree branch by the Bible salesman, Big Dan.

    The frog-hops were brutal, but that’s justice for you, and on we traveled. Soon, we stumbled into a KKK riitual gathering led by none other than the favorite in the upcoming gubernatorial election, Homer Stokes, the “Friend of the Little Man” who was gonna “sweep this state clean” of “rascalism, nepotism, croneyism,” etc., not to mention “all them people say we come from monkeys”.

    The routine would be a stationary Flora where we partnered up, one partner representing Stokes while the other represented the “Little Man”. They split duty on 100 Coupon Swings (sweeping the state clean), 100 tricep presses (emphatically brandishing the broom overhead) , and 100 curls (lifting up the little man). While one partner worked through 10, then 15, then 20 reps of these, the other, the “Little Man” did Smurf Jacks, then Mission Impossible plank, then LBC’s (all nice and little, or low to the ground).

    This is where we finally lost all pride. If the Sirens or park walkers didn’t defeat us, Stokes and his Little Man did. But we stuck it out, driven by the undying desire to save our wife and children from the clutches of Vernon T. Waldrip, Mr. Bonafide himself. So, in an unexpected turn of events, Stokes was revealed for the man he was, his constituency rode him out on a rail, and the three men were given bonafide jobs in the governor’s cabinet.

    We moseyed with the blocks back to the flag for what the Pax hoped would be a happy ending, but instead were met with sinister authorities, who were ready to exact the highest (or lowest) level of justice. The PAX dropped to their knees (10x, in cadence, as genuflections), and Providence smiled on them as a wall of water came rushing in and swept them all away in a cleansing tide as the valley was flooded by the TWA for the new power plant. 10 Scuba Steves, in cadence, brought us to the surface, where we discovered the roll-top desk in which we found Everett’s wife’s original wedding ring.

    But, of course, his wife had one more heroic task for Ulysses/Everett to complete–YHC won’t spoil it here , bu suffice it to say, she made her mind up (“counted to three”), so we finished with 10 static wife pleasers (hold for 3-count at the top).

    COT, and The Fire Within was bequeathed by AB to Maneater for his timely recitation of some one-liners from the movie, and he immediately squeezed into it like a wet six-year-old putting on pajamas after a bath. Prayer requests and Cuz prayed us out.

    That was a fun one, and a solid crew. Thanks for posting! “I’m with you fellers.”

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Down With Disease – from Yankee Joe

    Prologue

    YHC arrived at the Peltch at 5:30 am on Saturday morning. We often say it was in “The Gloom,” but this morning took it to a new place. As he rolled out the tractor trailer truck tire onto the little league infield, he couldn’t help but notice how dark…and still it was. No sound of birds, no cars, no breeze in the pines. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all spooked out, but it was still a bit eerie.

    As he started hammering in the staked signs with various exercises, a heavy fog started to roll in. Not a light misting, but legit fog…and it was legit rolling, he looked around and realized that the signs I had just put in all looked like graveyard markers. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all skittish, but man it was getting weird.

    After one last trip to the awesome, cool, masculine minivan to get BAPS, YHC started walking back to the field. It was then that he looked up and through the haze, saw a hearse sitting in the thunder dome. How had he not noticed it before? Now YHC isn’t one to get all freaked out, but damn this was all starting to get…well…something.

    YHC shook it off and with 20 minutes left before the beatdown, decided to hit the men’s room. As YHC entered the bathroom to see about a fudge pop, the lights flickered. C’mon Yankee…stop being so dramatic. While sitting on the silver torpedo shell, and coming to the realization that this would be an underwhelming dumpelstiltskin, the lights turned off…completely. No sound of the door which had squealing hinges. The lights were off, YHC in the dark, quarter loaf barely pinched.

    And then, out of the darkness, as if radiating inward from the walls, the still air cold as ice, I heard the breathy, chilling voice…it said…“BEWAREEEEEEE….He’s a cheater…doing three merkins at the bottom of a buuuurpeeeeeee doesn’t count as a burpee aaaaand threeeeeee merkinssssss.”

    Now YHC isn’t one to hammer a prairie dog back in the hole, but at this, I screamed like a pickleballer and ran out into the darkness to find the PAX.

    —————————–
    YHC was both thrilled and concerned to see what would eventually make up 19 PAX at the Peltch. The beatdown had been designed for 8 to 10 PAX based on recent attendance rates. Considering all of the whining, wailing, and gnashing of teeth about doing hard things, YHC just assumed Houma-Thibodaux would be flush in dutch ovens that morning. YHC was wrong. Real wrong. 14 of 20 BYITG participants showed with the Hunt for Red Jurptober repping 100% attendance. However, I’m sure if you look back at the records for Arthur Anderson, those folks showed up to work on a regular basis too. Apparently, immorality requires solidarity.

    With six 2.0’s including a Honeysuckle duo – WELCOME Yelnats and Ewok, YHC started getting excited about how the chaos would play out over the next hour.

    —————————-

    Warmarama
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Willy Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    The men headed to the first field by the Apparatus to knock out the three required Jurps. The crowd was so big that the grumbling sounded like if you packed 50 constipated walruses in a locker room shower playing Adele in the background. But we got through it. During the jump squat portion, I saw some very interesting form emerge. Also during that time, it came to light that Tana had betrayed YHC to Paradox during an ongoing investigation. Did you ever see What Lies Beneath? Well, it has nothing to do with this scenario.

    We moseyed over to the baseball field and for the remaining 30 minutes, jumped into the fray.

    ——————————
    The Setup

    *Field set up with six stations around center point.
    *Two stations set 15 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 20 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 30 yards from center.
    *Each station represents a different BYITG exercise.

    All PAX start in center, do 5 burpees then tire flip (tractor trailer size) or zombie crawl to 15 yard station, 5 burpees then bear crawl to 20 yard station, or 5 burpees and bear crawl to 30 yard station. For any station, do 20 reps of exercise associated with that station. Run back, do 5 burpees, then head to the next station of your choice. AMRAP until time.

    Rules:
    1) there cannot be more than TWO Pax at any given station at one time. If there are already two pax at your desired station after you finish your 5 burpees, you MUST immediately choose another station and bear crawl to it. NO loitering.

    2) You cannot do the same station twice in a row unless you are forced to go there for lack of options…see Rule 1.

    Stations (20 reps each):
    BBS (12 yards)
    V-up (12 yds)
    Merkins (20 yards)
    Bonnie’s (20 yds)
    Coupon curls (30 yds)
    Man makers (30 yds)
    —————————————
    Strategy (if you can call it that):

    The 12-yard stations were tempting because you could get to them quickly, knock out the relatively quick rep exercise and get back. That said, the tire flip or zombie crawl transport was hard and time consuming. The 20 yard stations were the money makers. Merkins, each worth a point, were quick reps and not excruciatingly far for a bear crawl. Bonnie’s on the other hand were far more time consuming IF you had good form. At 30 yards, the coupon curl was a trap. First, a 30 yard bear crawl straight up sucks, but to reward yourself with half-point curls for a station total of 10 points didn’t justify the time. The biggest ROI was from the man maker station at three points per rep.

    It was here that Montana outdid himself. WIth three men at the man maker station, Tana should have chosen another station. He didn’t, he began lunge walking slowly toward the man maker station with YHC loudly chastising him to turn around. Instead, he lunge walked all the way to the man-makers then headed to the coupon curl station and proceeded to do…MAN MAKERS. By this time, YHC was losing his mind. Like Bob Knight, YHC tossed his man making coupon, yelling in a high pitched voice that Tana wasn’t playing fair and calling him a doo doo head.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. We welcomed Yelnats and Ewok. The PAX got a real treat in seeing Dumbledore and family walk up. He got damn near a standing ovation. It was cool. Dumbledore, you are missed.

    All in all, the PAX earned a total of 10,000+ points. It was a wonky set up, but due to being in close proximity, the chatter was epic. I had a lot of fun. Thank you for the opportunity to lead.

    BYITG,

    Yankee Jerk

    And…stay from that Peltch bathroom. Here, there be monsters.

  • Legends Never Die – from Yankee Joe

    “Gramps, tell us a story.”

    “Girls, it’s time for bed, but alright, one quick story.”

    “Yay! Tell us the one about the great race!”

    “The great race? Which one was that?”

    “You know…the one about Mother Goose and some guy Tapping a Wet Pope. You know, when you let them win.”

    “Ahhh yes. The St. Vincent of Catan race of 2023. When America’s Best and I bestowed magnanimous mercy upon Goose, Wet Tap and Pope as they neared the finish line.

    “That’s it! Wasn’t there also something about you and Captain America being betrayed by Superman and a three-star restaurant rating system?”

    “Hahaha…good memory. Yes, Superfun(d) and Michelin, having just received a gracious and merciful gift from me and America’s Best, then promptly turned around and hit us with a heat seeking red turtle shell…10 yards from the finish line! You know, those were strange days. That race would prove to be the spark that finally ignited the F3 Thibodaux coup led by Paradox. It ultimately led to the secession from F3 New Orleans. Strange times indeed.”

    “Wasn’t there also some Viking at an ‘all you can eat’ buffet that missed exercising because they were always pickling their balls?”

    “Ummm…no. Ohhh…yes…Picadilly and Montana! They did not miss all the time because of pickleball…well not Picadilly anyway. Kids, do me a favor and don’t use that word order in front of your parents. Anyway, back to the race…try to imagine this…

    —————————
    Chapter 1: The Beginning

    It was a bright and humid Saturday morning. Your Gramps had been up all night trying to craft the perfect beatdown. With the approach of our second St. Vincent de Paul 500 race, it was time that the PAX get serious about being in shape. We were all soft. Even Mother Goose. It was clear we needed some competition, individual suffering, and opportunities to both hurt and help our fellow PAX.

    I looked everywhere for inspiration. Nothing. Then it hit me. I’d look at the absolute monarchical dictatorships in history…surely, there would be something I could use. And wouldn’t you know it? Germany and Japan both delivered with The Settlers of Catan and Mario Kart respectively. Who woulda thunk it. ‘Merica!

    “Gramps, what does ‘Merica mean?”

    “It means mud tires, aluminum cans, and freedom. Now shut yer mouths.”

    ———————–
    Chapter 2: The Gloom

    As we were gathering, Paradox brought an FNG who would later be dubbed Safety Valve. Goose’s fourth 2.0 to make an F3 appearance settled on Duke, and Paradox’s own 2.0 walked away with Gecko. Strong names. The PAX continues to grow. See coup reference above. Most impressive was the fact we had SEVEN 2.0’s!

    Perhaps, just as exciting was the late arrival of Frank n’ Beans and then as if from Goose’s lips to God’s ears, who should pull into the parking lot in the silver bullet? No, it can’t be. Can it? HORRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN! 78 fart sacks later and he made sure to show up 5 minutes late. Hey, you gotta stay on brand.

    Quick and tentative disclaimer by yours truly for the pledges and away we went.

    We finished the usual Waramarama reps, chose partners, and moseyed to the main Peltch field. As we moseyed, YHC took a detour so that the PAX could be inspired by Gwen Stefani’s epic ballad, Hollaback Girl. It was a song that got dropped from a previous beatdown…to Honeysuckle and America’s Best great disappointment I might add. However, YHC was always a gracious and selfless Q, so, you’re welcome.

    We then switched over to bagpipes blaring with ‘Scotland the Brave’, made a few pointless detours in the rec center parking lot – to ruffle some Goose feathers – and made our way to the shart show.

    At this point, Safety Valve was looking at Paradox and asking himself, “I didn’t trust this loon when he was my cadaver instructor, so why the heck did I get in the car with him this morning?”

    “Gramps…what’s a shart?”

    “Well kids, when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object…”

    [from the next room] “DAD!!!! DON’T YOU DARE!”

    “Sorry, Honey. Sheesh. That explanation would have been celebrated in certain men’s workout circles. Annnyway…

    ———————
    Chapter 3: The Setup

    “There would be 10 stations, each station with two types of exercises to be completed by both partners. In order to “buy in” to the exercises at each station, partner 1 had to lunge walk with a coupon while the other partner spiderman crawled (dubbed that day as the ‘leopard gecko crawl’) to the next station. Then one partner would nur (run backward) to the starting line and sprint back to whichever station the team was on, while the other partner completed 15 burpees. ONLY THEN, could the team begin their two exercises (not naming namesl , typically in quantities of 100 or 50. Repeato for 10 stations, 10 yards apart for a total of 100 yards.

    ***If completed in its entirety, a team would complete 150 burpess, one mile of nurs/sprints, and 1,700 reps of various exercises.***

    To make things interesting, each team had one “sucks to be you” card that would be revealed at a station. This meant that after the team had completed their exercises, they would have to complete a designated additional amount of reps.

    Also, each team held a heat seeking shell that could be deployed against any other team. When called out, the team getting hit by the shell had to drop everything and sprint to and from the nearest park bathroom…roughly 200 yards.

    To balance this out, each team also had an IM3 card that could be deployed to help another team out by taking away one station “buy ins” of nur, sprint and burpees.

    Finally, the Q had wildcards called “Dancemodes” that would be yelled out to one PAX member who in turn had to stop and dance to the existing music. The music. Ah yes. Some of the music was good. Some of it was well…atrocious. Effective though. Ace of Base ‘I Saw the Sign’ will take your mind off thrusters in a heartbeat. Actually, most would prefer the thrusters.

    ————————
    Chapter 4: The Contest

    “The race started off in good form with all teams keeping pace through three stations. The exception was Coyote who continued to live as an outlaw from the Form Police, while racking up Academy Awards for his uncannily well timed trash talking to grown men in the last throes of burpee death. Goose, Pope and Wet Tap began to pull away if only by a few yards. There seemed to be misplaced exercise cards, but we overlooked their indiscretion since Goose was still nursing a banged up wing and Wet Tap was wearing a weighted vest. Nuff said.

    The first Dancemode came with the last minute addition of the 2023 Barbie song by Nikki Minaj. When YHC heard that Horn was watching the cinematic masterpiece the night before, the song was hastily added to the playlist. Horn would not disappoint. The entire PAX sat in amazement as he reminded us that though he may have the pop culture knowledge of a 50 year old, he was indeed a Gen Z’er.

    Meanwhile, heat seeking shells were being tossed around liberally. Coyote’s trash talk was intensifying, and YHC was getting grumpy with Goose & Co.’s interpretation of the race regulations. You gotta watch Pope, boi. He’ll fire off 15 burpees quicker than you can say, “I’m 45 years old…why am I here?”

    The second Dancemode was equally inspiring. With Friday Night Lights pregame speeches rejuvenating our spirits, Goose brought the Peltch down to ‘Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can’t Lose’…from the shopping cart to the sprinkler to the Dougie. Or maybe he was popping. No, he was definitely locking. Whatever he was doing, two things were clear. 1) There’s such a thing as being cool and 2) it ain’t me.

    Some IM3’s began to emerge, first from the Goose/Wet Tap/Pope team to the Paradox/Safety Valve/Gecko group. Then reciprocated – albeit shamefully. Here, I realized that a NASCAR strategy had unfolded and we had a team car mucking up the pack so that the lead car could pull away. As YHC was swatting away this conspiracy theory, Goose hit the Yankee/America’s Best Team with a heat seeker.

    Conspiracy confirmed. Hell hath no fury like that of a Yankee scorned.

    On the far side of the pitch, Popeye and Honeysuckle were methodically keeping pace with the Goslings. They didn’t even seem to be breathing hard…like they were at a nice picnic doing merkins occasionally, while enjoying mimosas, crackers, and pepper jelly.

    To that end, the third Dancemode was probably the best thing to ever hit the Peltch. YHC called on Honeysuckle, and my man, with a smile on his face (I’m scared of his eventual VQ), dropped it like it’s hot. He would have kept going, if for nothing else but to give the PAX a rest. A good man.

    ————————

    “Gramps, were you a good dancer?”

    “Well, put it this way. The great Bill Belichick once said, ‘I don’t think you can ever really trust a man who likes to dance.’ Of course, this was coming from a hall of famer legend worth millions and yet he still felt wearing sweatshirts with cut off sleeves was a good look on game day.”

    “Soooo…does that mean you weren’t a good dancer, Gramps?”

    “Noooo…what I’m saying is that you can’t really trust me.”

    ———————-

    Chapter 5: The Betrayal

    “At this point, all teams were within four stations of the finish line. In YHC and America’s Best unending and selfless charity, we bestowed an IM3 upon Superfun(d) and Michelin. We knew they would be forever grateful. That is, until a few minutes later when they blew us to hell with a heat seeker. I laughed at first. It wasn’t a joke. A scorned Yankee, I tell you.

    As YHC was running back to Station 9 from the unforgivable treachery, I realized there were 90 seconds left in the beatdown. As I neared Goosilini and his fascist conspirators, I asked if they could cross the finish line before time ran out. The answer was a resounding YES. I then reminded them our team was sitting on a heat seeker, which would prevent them from finishing…that is, prevent them from winning. Goose protested with exasperation. We held their fate in our hands.

    ———————-

    “Oh my gosh! What did you all do, Gramps? That must have been such a difficult decision.”

    “Well, you would think so, but no. We kept the shell in its bay and let the clock run out. That day, YHC and America’s Best chose to give life, not take it away. Such is the path of heroes. This is the way.

    We then moseyed back to the flag, soaking in Gwen and Nikki. FNGs were named, prayers were raised up, especially for smooth and his family, and French Horn prayed us out.

    ———————

    Epilogue

    “So, there you go girls. That was the infamous day. The day the good music died. The day that Paradox turned the corner on spreading his wings to fly as a member of the senior leadership team.

    It was a hard and brutal affair. The men persevered without (much) complaining or double crossing allies.

    “What an amazing story! Gramps, were you a hero?”

    “No, sweetheart, but I served with a whole PAX of heroes.

    (Record abruptly stops)

    “Wait….that’s Band of Brothers”

    (Start soundtrack again)

    “Gramps, what happened to Goose? What about the rest of the Pax?”

    “It was weird that Goose had said F3 was like the John Paul II of workouts and his oldest son’s name ended up being John Paul. None of us could ever figure out what that meant, but we were all amazed by it.

    I kept in touch with those guys over the years and I found out that Enron’s company had shipped him off to federal prison. After that, he became one of the pioneering developers of fraud protection software . Of course, we all know why.

    French Horn… well…The Horn got really into fartsacking and no one ever saw him again. Honeysuckle and America’s Best became an engineer and optometrist. They started out small, carpooling together to F3 workouts. But they became legends when they invented the F3 shuttle service.

    Goose grew up and married Wendy Peffercorn. They have 9 kids. They bought St. Vincent’s de Paul’s Drug Store and they still own it to this day. Paradox Porter became a professional DJ. You know him as “The Great BAPSbino”.

    Montana played Triple A pickleball, but he never got to the majors. He’s a drug dealer now and he coaches a seniors pickleball team called, “The Tanimals”.

    Yankee’s Prius lived to be 25 years old… uh, in douche wagon years. I was the last one to move away. But when I did, the Peltch was still there. After Goose pickled Tana that day, his reputation spread all over town. From then on, he was known as “Dolly Poppins,” and the nickname stuck with him for the rest of his life.”

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ———————
    Station 10:
    100 groiners, coup run back to base
    100 squat jumps, nur
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 9:
    P1: 50 coupon side to sides
    P2: 100 plank jacks
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Stations 8:
    P1: 50 apollo ono’s 2:1
    P2: 100 coupon flutters 2:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 7:
    P1: 50 gas pumps
    P2: 100 coupon presses
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 6:
    P1: 100 merkins
    P2: 100 coupon leg lifts
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 5:
    P1: 50 goblet squats
    P2: 100 freddy mercs 2:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 4:
    P1: 50 thrusters
    P2: 100 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 3:
    P1: 100 coupon overhead presses
    P2: 100 SSHs (a type of exercise)
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 2:
    P1: 100 coupon curls
    P2: 50 V-ups
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 1:
    P1: 100 plank jacks
    P2: 100 coupon LBC’s
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

  • Kill or Be Killed (by Pope) – from Goose

    Some things you never get too old for. On the morning of March 4, YHC showed the PAX that grown men can run around (a lot) and play like the young men they once were. YHC showed up at the Peltch with a bag-o-flags filled with a limited amount of belt flags… the more PAX showed up, the more uncertain YHC became. YHC probably did more head counts in five minutes than he ever did in one day (impressive considering the amount of potential 2.0s at YHC’s home).
    We began with the usual warmup routine (SSH, imperial walkers, windmills, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, cherry pickers) and headed to the EDW field. There, YHC distributed the belt flags which, thankfully, were distributed among all the PAX (Sonic and FNG each used one). We then split into teams and stationed at opposite goal lines for F3 Braveheart.
    To begin the first round, all PAX bear-crawled to the 20-yard line, then stood up and began the battle. Enemy PAX attempted to pull off their opponent’s flags (PAX had two flags; two lives) until one team is utterly vanquished. When a PAX was slain, he would drop and hold plank until the end of the round. The second round began at the 30-yard line with defeated PAX holding Al Gore. Finally, with the adrenaline of battle pumping through the veins, the third round resolved—every man for himself. YHC and FNG tied for winner because of unclear regulations concerning if someone went out of bounds. (Note: none of the rounds ended with any prize for the winning team, but no one asked…so…)
    The next thang involved a choice made by each PAX individually: 7 burpees at the start and halfway point of the entire track with sprints in between, or 20 Catalina Wine Mixers and a full-track sprint. Preference differed among the PAX. The second round, however, was an easy choice for most: 25 burpees and a full-track “sprint”, or 15 merkins at each corner, with lunge-walks for the straights and jogging on the curves (this obvious choice was YHC’s way of weeding out those who were NOT good candidates for the next ANIMAL). YHC, Goats in the Machine, Smooth Operator, and two of the four 2.0s chose the lunge-walk. Goats and the 2.0s switched choices a quarter of the way through… YHC was determined to finish when, two-thirds of the way through, Goose decided to catch the “ill-choosing” 6. We began to regroup and prepared to mosey, when we noticed Smooth still hammering out his third set of merkins! We picked him up and moseyed to the lower field with a pretty clear idea of our next ANIMAL.
    At the field Goose and YHC set up a small field about 30 yards long and initiated a game of PAX-&-Minnows. Goose started as the voluntary first shark and took his position at one end line while the rest of the PAX lined up on the other end. Throughout the two games played, the sharks began each round with two burpees with the minnows completing four merkins, then the minnows tried to make it safely to the other end line without being devoured (tagged) by a shark. Wounded (tagged) minnows dropped and performed LBCs until the round was over, while successful minnows did 10 star jumps in celebration of their survival. Coyote was the last man (well, person) standing at the end of the first game, and Lil’ Cuz remained after the second game.
    Back at the flag, Mary was performed in potluck fashion, with Coyote initiating box cutters and Lil’ Cuz calling leg lifts. Smooth was eager to lead us in burpees, and YHC reluctantly trumped with crunchy frogs. In COT our FNG, 2.0 of Superfun(d), was dubbed Superfas(t), reflecting his self-proclaimed performance in Braveheart and adding to our list of tee-tiny 2.0s. And of course, Smooth Operator left that morning with the well-deserved title of ANIMAL.
    SYITG, Pope