Tag: The Hammer

A bunch of gentlemen got together this morning to finally put forth an epic beatdown worthy of the first day of 2025. Bushwhacker was first up, it was Round Robin style, and of course Bushwhacker started off giving a wonderful description of his beatdown. The detailed, thought out approach was mesmerizing. His intensity is legendary, however, Ten minutes later, he just simply called out 100-100s and he was done. Next up was Bird. Bird gave us his infamous yoga workout, which was unbelievably increasingly difficult. Stretches, handstands, where he walked around with three people on both of his feet while he was handstanding on one arm. Epic. Akbar kept it simple: 3 rounds of Stone Mountains increasing by 5 up the street, then decreasing by 5 back down. Grundy was up next. That’s when he brought out 2 100 pound sandbags and a spear. We each took turns trying to hit the unlucky man carrying the sandbags with the spear. Luckily, no one could hit the broad side of a barn. But we did hear Grundy yell “ If you think you want to quit, don’t quit! JV was grumble grumble, but more pissed about the pace for next years turkey trot. Next up was Einstein with Star Jacks and the. Norwegian speed skater workout. we hate him for that. Next up was Fledge with hot sauce. We always enjoy the hot sauce, it’s good stuff. BBQ was up with some, uh, Al Gore Thorough Goods, and a cadence that was very, very questionable. And of course, there was Hammer, and Hammer simply said, let’s do burpees, while giving us random 80s and 90s pop culture trivia. Shooter had donkey kicks. Hate donkey kicks. And those damn dice and jump rope. Ken from Humana will beat you down, but get you a great deal on healthcare with his own personal birthday celebrations. Shooter than called out for Steve to go next. Steve with his Bulgarian Split Squats and his cracking burpees. I’m so sick of those, Steve. The next person up on the list, well, it was Moby. Oh, Moby and that damn chain. I’m so sick of that chain. But at 74, soon to be 75, I guess he can do whatever the hell he wants. Zoolander was next up, and he doesn’t have a signature exercise, but god dang, does he not just look dapper. He was wearing those iconic aviator sunglasses and the feathered hair just in a perfect form. It’s epic. Waterpik and his perfect squats. Perfect form, and then a nice, you know, three-mile jog to warm us all up. And then while we’re doing all that, my nephew Speedy comes around the corner after running 15 miles with a four-minute, three-thirty-second pace. And then there was somebody going, huh? And that was Frank from Rommel trying to wrestle Russo down to the ground to try to convince him that Forrest Gump was the greatest movie ever made. All Russo wanted to do was a round of “Never have I ever” , and I’m still not convinced of the rules. While that was going on, Cowbell ran by on mile six of his jog this morning. We all then did our best Christopher Walken impression. All in all, none of this actually happened because Moby and I were the only two stupid idiots to get up on New Year’s Day. But I included all the gentlemen I could possibly think of to summarize the 2024 F3 beatdowns that I’ve grown to love and hate. But just wanted to give shout outs to people that if you made the list, you had of great importance to me. And if you did not mention you, I’ll just honest with you, I’m delirious on about 3 hours of sleep. SYITG

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