The ‘Yote Bowl
By Coyote
The morning presented itself to YHC as crisp and chilly. The crazy winds that had been batting at us all week had taken a break for the weekend: a perfect day for a little F3 flag-football. Pope and YHC set up a field about fifty yards long with five-yard end zones and a first down line halfway through the field.
The Pax showed up quickly, and YHC was not surprised that there were so many 2.0’s, including YHC. Yankee Joe and Brass Monkey showed up a little late, but nobody noticed. YHC and the Pax skimmed over warmups and moseyed over to the Field by Bayou Road, the place where the field was. The teams were assembled, Team 1 consisting of Goose, White Meat, Brass Monkey, Lil Cuz, Bam-Bam, Jackknife, and Pikachu. Team 2 had Man-Eater, Yankee Joe, Cap’n D, Pope, Darrel Strawberry, Duke, and YHC. YHC announced that there would be a football trivia question every touchdown, and every five minutes on the minute, the Pax would have to do five burpees. Team 2 started with the ball, moved down the field, and ended the drive with a disappointing punt. Team 1 got the ball, and after a few plays, were four yards from the first down line on fourth down. They went for it and a pass from Lil Cuz to Brass monkey was batted down. Team 2 got the ball, and finished the drive with a touchdown to Man Eater on a flea-flicker play. The trivia awaited, and “Who has the record for most rushing yards in a season?” tested the knowledge of the Pax. Cap’n D answered with Eric Dickerson: the correct answer. The score was Team 2:7, Team 1:0. Team 1 got the ball, and wasted no time telling us that they were not brushoffs and moved down the field fast. On first and goal, Lil Cuz threw a pass meant for either Goose or Brass Monkey. Either way, they both jumped up, focused on the ball, ready to snag it out of the air…and slammed into each other. Quote Goose, “When I saw that ball in the air, I felt like I was 12 again.” They redeemed themselves and scored on a pass to Brass Monkey. Cap’n D answered the next question, and we played on. 7-7. Next, Man Eater threw a bomb meant for Yankee, but it was intercepted by Cuz. Team 1 Scored on another pass to Goose. 14-7. The next drive was interesting, and YHC’s team stuck to short passes and handoffs, more than half of them going to Pope, and Cap’n D caught a touchdown pass, and answered the question correctly. Game tied 14-14. Team 2 drove down the field, and this drive put the 2.0’s on the map. Bam-Bam caught the first pass of the drive and ran six yards, then he caught another pass for more yards. Then Brass Monkey smashed through Team 2’s entire defense and got a first down. Then Jackknife caught a pass and ran through a wide-open hole to the three-yard line. Then Bam-Bam caught a touchdown pass and Team 1 took the lead 21-14. Again, Cap’n D blew the trivia out of the water. On the first play of the next drive Man Eater threw a bomb pass to Cap’n D, who dove and caught it with his fingertips. But the next play, Man Eater threw a pass meant for Yankee Joe, But Lil Cuz jumped in front and snagged his second interception of the game. Goose took over as Quarterback for Team 1, and they went for it on fourth down, and White Meat dropped a pass. Cap’n D took over as Team 2’s Quarterback, and Yankee Joe caught a pass in the End Zone. 21-21. This time, Yankee Joe answered the question right. Team 1 still had Goose for a Quarterback, and when they got to the five-yard line, Cap’n D rushed Goose, and Goose ran into the End Zone. 28-21. Yankee Joe tramped the trivia, and Team 2 got the ball again. Cap’n D stayed as Team 2’s QB for the rest of the game, and his plays worked every time. After an amazing throw and catch from Cap’n D to Pope, we were at the seven-yard line. A pass to YHC was complete and YHC ran into the end zone and tied the game once again, and Yankee rocked the trivia, answering the question immediately after YHC asked it. 28-28. Team 1 threw three passes that were all batted down, and they punted. Cap’n D threw a huge pass to the other side of the field to Yankee Joe, and Yankee caught it and bowled over the line to give Team 2 the lead 35-28 with two minutes left to play. Team 1 dashed down the field and scored on a pass to Goose. The score was tied again. The trivia was crushed by Joe. 35-35. With 14 seconds left to play, Team 2 lined up fast and an incomplete was thrown. For the last play of the game, Cap’n D threw a Hail Mary to Pope, and Pope caught it and turned around to go for the game-winning touchdown…but then stepped out of bounds. The game ended with a score of 35-35, a tie. The Circle of trust was done, and the ‘Yote Bowl ended. Thank you guys for your prayers, and for a great football game…and beware of ‘Yote Bowl part two: overtime.
Tag: The Peltch
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The Yote Bowl – from Goose
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With Speed – from America’s Best
Having arrived early for set-up, YHC drove over to where the flags should be to get this thing started.
Warmarama with the usual stuff.
Indian Run down the road and back again, to the field.First Thing:
Since the numbers were low today, we would experiment with a little Dora-like exercise that will be used in a future beatdown. Just needed to be tested in a small beatdown laboratory today. Partnering up, Partner1 begins burpee while Partner2 Bear-crawls about 15 yard before turning around and coming back to retrieve partner. Then both partners crab walk to the end and complete 10 burpees each. Finish is when 100 burpees have been completed total. All subjects survived (Maneater had not yet injured his back), so it will be integrated into the future BD as planned.Next thing:
Working on foot eye coordination, PAX will have to attempt a long shot at a small goal. All misses result in 10 of something. The closer you are to the goal, the better the exercise. Within 1st cone, LBCs; within 2nd cone, BBS; within 3rd cone, merkins, within 4th cone, Goosies; outside of any of those, burpees.
I can’t remember exactly how this played out, but I remember White Meat had one amazing shot and one horrible one, and Lil Cuz scored one. Dox definitely kicked one the farthest for 10 burpees. Maneater had not yet injured his back.Final Thing:
Michigan PE teacher Elmer Mitchell created this sport in 1921 (and it was played one year in middle school PE by YHC in 1987), naming it Speedball to evoke the combined feeling of stimulation and depression that comes with being a PE teacher in 1921 (or of being in a middle school PE class in 1987).
Speedball is a combination of many other sports. Notably, it can be played on a field of any size or location so it’s perfect for the amorphous unbounded field we typically use. Teams were made. Trash was talked. Feelings were hurt. Maneater injurted his back. The Speedball Transfer Portal was opened. It was a close match, but one of the two teams won.
Moseyed back to the spot where the flags should be for COT.SYITG,
AB
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Time Dialator – from Goose
As 6:27 rolled around, and YHC still stood in the dark with only Pope and Bam Bam at his side, it was clear that the holidays would have a substantial impact on this Peltch beatdown. We were wondering if the car parked on the far end of the lot held a brooding Yankee Joe or a Monkey made of Brass when out of the lonely gloom did appear a pair of overbright headlights and a camper cover that could only mean one thing–Wet Tap would be easing our sense of abandonment with his warm demeanor and willing muscles. And, it was Brass Monkey after all, waiting for more than one adult to show up before joining the small talk (I don’t blame him).
Just as YHC was figuring modifications for a smaller group, another humanoid was spotted picking his way across the street toward the parking lot. He was too big to be Honeysuckle and coming from the wrong direction, and the F3 on his shirt confirmed that he wasn’t there for travel ball. As he got closer, his glasses and red hair shone in the moonlight revealing the one and only Cardinal! Being called out for fartsacking last time he stayed at his parents’ house across the street from the park had clearly made an impact.
As SSH commenced and transitioned into windmills, grateful for these three PAX and the chance to share the morning with Cardinal, another hard-to-identify vehicle confidently pulled into the lot. Valve? No. Dox in another relative’s truck? No. Tap then correctly identified none other than Percleator!! He had come in the night before for Tap’s DC circle meeting and ran in like he always had in year’s past, like a golden retriever, eyes blazing with excitement, ready for whatever. It was like the first months of F3 Thibodaux all over again. Even Brass Monkey had a striking resemblance to Gordon, a smile permanently on his face, glad to be there, but clearly concerned that Goose is going to take it too far again.
Warmups finished with some much needed Lafayette night clubs after Popeye’s shoulder shredder on Thursday, and we moseyed with a couple of coupons and a couple of tennis balls to the football field. It was, again, locked down like a prison, but YHC knew we’d be fine given that Cardinal was with us and Popeye had shown us last week where the gate beckoned us in through it’s gap in the bars on the far side.
We lined up on the goal line, and YHC split us into two teams. The Thang was designed for teams of 3, so given the fact that there were 7 PAX and one was YHC’s less than consistent 2.0, YHC decided to take him (Bam Bam) and Pope to make it Dawson’s vs. The World. YHC assumed that Bam Bam would slow us down enough to give the foursome a chance. YHC was wrong.
The first Thang was a team suicide in 10 yard increments down the length of the field. While one man stayed on the goal line doing curls, another ran to the 10 and stayed there. The third ran past him, high-fiving him on the way to the 20 where he began doing big boy situps. Upon receiving the high five, the man at the 10 ran back to replace the man at the goal line doing curls, and that man ran to the 30, high-fiving his teammate at the 20, etc. You get the drill.
We did this for three rounds total with the winning team assigning a penalty exercise to the other. The second round was tricep curls at the goal line and Freddy Mercurys on the yard lines, and the third was goblet squats at the goal line and LBC’s on the yard lines.
Bam Bam proved that he’s growing up, and Pope continues to prove that he’s made of some kind of lightweight rubber, so 20 monkey humpers were assigned after each round to team CardTapPercleMonkey. Team Dawson joined the third round of humpers in order to keep the other team from getting bigger quads than them.
After three rounds, a shared desire to stop running had descended upon the PAX, so YHC knew the only thing to do was to keep running. The 2nd Thang would be a version of Rarajapari, where each team is responsible for moving a ball along a given path using only their feet and team strategery. We started at a random cone that was already on the track, and the teams were tasked with getting their tennis ball around twice (half a mile).
Onc completed, 20 more monkey humpers were enjoyed by all before grabbing gear and coupons and heading back through the gap in the fence toward the flag. We dropped the coupons there and then continued to the nearest baseball field for some fistbasetennisball. We basically played baseball with a tennis ball and our fists as bats. It was all against all with each member of the PAX taking turns batting and trying to get around the bases.
The fielders and base runners had to hold plank until the ball was hit and in play, and positions rotated with every batter. Per usual, we had a blast, performances weren’t likely to make Sport Center, and Cardinal somehow took home the win by scoring the most runs. Thankfully, some things never change.
After about 15 minutes of this reward for the gasser at the track, we moseyed back to the flag for one minute of Mary, count offs, name offs, COT, and a photo session that would make Dox proud. YHC was ecstatic for the unexpected time dialation that brought these awesome men together and paired the true OG of F3 Thibodaux with a solid member of the new batch. It was tough to want to part from this gathering, but pancakes, Morgan City, and Baton Rouge wouldn’t wait forever, so after some story swapping and catching Brass Monkey up on some of the origins of so great a PAX, we loaded up, grateful for swollen legs and timeless brotherhood.
SYITG,
Goose -
The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes (by Pope) – from Goose
PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
· Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
7 8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
· Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
7 man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
· Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
· Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to next station
· Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
COT and Maneater prayed us out.
Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
SYITG, Pope -
The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes (by Pope) – from Goose
PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
· Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
7 8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
· Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
7 man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
· Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
· Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to next station
· Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
COT and Maneater prayed us out.
Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
SYITG, Pope -
They are wet because they are dry – from Honeysuckle
On a colder than usual day in the gloom, YHC returned from a warm up run to find White Meat holding warm in his truck. Not long after, Lil Cuz and Pikachu pulled up. Not wanting to miss SSHs, Safety Valve arrived shortly after and we began the warmarama.
SSHs, Imperial Walkers, Willie Mays Hayes, Arm circles, cherry pickers, toy soldiers
Mosey to the far gate. As is usually the case, some sort of run through the park is used to showcase some prepping. In this case, it was a pile of coupons and some cones spaced too far apart for Valve’s liking. White Meat complained that it was harder for him to see in the cold weather but that no one ever believes him. Valve said that it made perfect sense, because the eyes were dry. Then Meat said that they were wet. Then Zen Master Valve responded that they were wet because they were dry. And then proceeded to describe a feedback loop that detects dry eyes and causes tears to be dispensed (via some sort of valve opening, if you will). This, and White Meat doing his best impersonation of an eye doctor, carried us through the entire mosey and we arrived at the coupons.
Thang 1:
YHC then described the main event, which is some variation of Dora that may or may not be in the exicon. The coupon is to be moved incrementally from cone to cone (6 steps in all) and then back to the start line. On the way out, partner one runs to the coupon, lunge walks it to the next cone, then does 15 thrusters. The home partner starts 30 burpees. Then partner 1 runs back and helps partner 2 complete the burpees. When they are complete, partner 2 is released to move the coupon and partner 1 starts the 30 burpee counter again.
Unrelated to any of this, YHC also admitted that this was not a Drew Carey beatdown, so perhaps it was better that Goose wasn’t there as he probably wouldn’t have been able to contain his disappointment. Rather, YHC asked why does Cleveland Rock? The best the Pax could come up with was that it’s in Ohio. YHC then revealed that Cleveland is the home of the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame, and today we would be listening to songs from the 2024 inductees. This included Foreigner, Ozzy Osborne, A Tribe Called Qwest, Jimmy Buffett, and Kool n the Gang.
After the six coupon steps away from the start line are done, the coupon is moved back towards the starting line. This time, the explorer partner does 25 curls upon reaching the coupon then murder bunnies to the next cone. The home partner is doing 50 big boy situps. Again, the explorer partner helps complete the 50 BBS’s before the swap happens.
All in all, each PAX did 45 thrusters, 75 curls, and did roughly half of the 180 burpees and 300 BBS’s.
Somehow, after initially falling behind to team LiL Suckle, team Safety Meat pulled ahead and finished first. They were fast because they were slow?
Thang 2:
YHC really had no idea how long this Dora would take, but as everyone pushed through the burn and didn’t take breaks, there was still a fair amount of time left. YHC had sort of prepared for this situation, so we moseyed to the playground. Valve saw right through this and immediately knew that hanging would be involved. The same teams were kept, and the first teammate had to hang while the other did 5 merkins. Then they swapped and the teammate that was just hanging now did 6 merkins while the other teammate had to hang. And so on, adding one merkin each time.
Given the recent time warps that have been experienced in beatdowns, with both AB and Goose messing with our mental ratios of work-to-time, White Meat realized what time it was and had to leave when this was almost over. So Honey Cuz became Lil Honey Valve and we continued until 20 merkins were reached. This burned because it was cold.
Thang 3:
The Pax at this point wanted to do some Mary and go home, but not today. We moseyed back to the coupons and did farmers carrys with double coupons over the 60 yard course a few times (after a few kinks were worked out). It felt like it took so long because we only had a few minutes left.
Eventally we reached 59:30 and moseyed to the where the flags normally are for namearama, announcements, and intentions.
Though among the Pax there were at least 3 shirts to exchange, YHC forgot his and Meat had to leave, so no awards were handed out.
Lil Cuz prayed us out. Thanks men for venturing out in the cold after Thanksgiving, though I am sure you were really hoping for Dox dressed as Mimi.
SYITG,
Honeysuckle -
Railroaded – from Goose
YHC was admittedly excited about the idea for this beatdown. It came much earlier than the usual 10pm the night before, and YHC even hyped it two days early hoping to stir some interest. However, with crickets on the GroupMe and excuses flying like flatulence at the Lion’s Den, it looked like there may be no one to enjoy such a highly anticipated feast of chance, strategy, teamwork, and train tracks. But, a strong representation of the PAX (even Dox, who had to leave early to get to clinics) charitably made their way to the Peltch this morning worked up enough interest to make it all feel worthwhile.
Enough of the pleasantries, this beatdown was a cutthroat competition for European dominance via railway, and it went something like this:
YHC: Alright, 6:30, let’s get warmed up.
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
(…this leads to all but Valve discussing said movie, which left YHC and Valve the only ones doing any counting. Some definite foreshadowing here…)
(All mosey to the Thunderdome where the board game “Ticket to Ride is set up on a cinder block-carboard table)
YHC: Ok, here are the rules. We’ll split up into three teams of three players each.
(Counts off–teams are: 1. Dox, AB, YJ 2. Pope, White Meat, Duke 3. Valve, Maneater, YHC)
YHC: Each team will pick a card, which has a route on it. You’ll need to place your colored train cars on the different colored tracks that will connect all the cities on your route to connect the start and end points in a non-stop chain of trains.
Dox to AB: Ok, if we start with this one here in Zurich, we can connect to Venezia…
YHC: Hey, listen to the instructions, you can strategize later.
Dox: I can do both at the same time.
YHC: Not so sure. …So, you can claim a track connecting two cities if you do the exercises and the reps that correspond to the color of the track and the number of train cars it indicates you need. So,…
AB to Dox: I think we should make our way through Duetchland. Did you notice that I said “Deutchland”? That’s because I…
YHC: You’re gonna want to pay attention to this. So, if a track has three red car spaces, you would look at this board and see that a red car space means 15 merkins, so each member of your team would need to do 45 merkins.
YJ: (While AB and Dox are whispering and pointing to Amsterdam) Wait, what color are we?
YHC: And, if there is an engine on a space, that means you need to run to the gate and back.
Maneater: Nope
YHC: And, if another team claimed a track you need, you can put one of your stations on the city it connects to and use that track, but a station is earned by your whole team bear crawling around the perimeter of the thunderdome.
Dox to AB: …and if we cut through Budapest…
YHC: Oh, and these spaces outlined in black are tunnels. That means the reps are doubled for those spaces. Here are the exercises and reps indicated by each color track/space on the board:
-Red: 15 Merkins
-Black: 10 Burpees
-Blue: 15 Jump Squats
-White: 15 Bonnie Blairs (2:1)
-Green: 20 Big Boy Situps
-Orange: 20 Crunchy Frogs
-Pink: 20 Toe taps (plank, reach through and touch opposite toe, 2:1)
-Yellow: Line jumps for 1 min, 20 second break between (two feet jump back and forth over a line)White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
YHC: Once you’ve completed the route on the card, you can pick another route card, either a short one or a long one, but if you pick it, you’re committed to completing it. For the cards you complete, you get the number of points indicated on the card, but for the ones incompleted, you lose that number of points. You also will get points for each train car on the board, and the longer the track chosen between cities, the more points you get for it.
AB to Dox: …we should definitely go through Essen. I have a lot of friends there…
YHC: Any questions? Guys! I said, “Any questions?”
YJ: Wait, what team am I on?
YHC: Ok, begin!
(YHC, Valve, and Maneater immediately start cranking out 60 crunchy frogs apiece, and White Meat, Pope, and Duke are doing what seems to be 10 minutes worth of big boys. Meanwhile, the blue team seems to have claimed three or four full tracks before anyone else gets back to the board.)
Dox: Alright, now we just need these three and an engine to go up to Kobenhaven…
Valve: No! Why in the world do you need Kobenhaven?? Goose! We gotta run!
Maneater: Oh, God
(Goose and Valve take off in an effort to beat AB, Dox, and YJ to the gate and back, but it doesn’t matter–somehow, they’ve already done the other exercise reps needed to claim that track, so YHC’s team is stuck with a perimeter bear crawl in order to place a station. I mena, you can’t get to Stockholm without going through Kobenhaven!)
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
Dox: Alright, we’re done with this route, let’s pick another card.
Pope: (as he finishes his 80th Bonnie Blair) Did he say “done with this route”?
YHC (internally): I never want to do another crunchy frog for as long as I live.
Valve to Maneater and YHC: Well, it looks like we could either do 60 burpees or 80 crunchy frogs to get to Pamplona.
Maneater and YHC: Crunchy frogs it is.
Pope: No! Blue claimed the track we needed again! I guess those Bonnie Blairs were wasted. Gotta do another perimeter craw.
AB: We’re running out of blue train cars to put on the board. Let’s just start using the black ones.
Dox to AB and YJ: Alright, we’ve done seventeen cards, and it’s 7:15, so I’ve got to go. You guys ought to be able to get another ten or twelve, huh?
AB and YJ: You bet–we’ve got plenty of gas in the tank. This is fun!
YHC to Valve: (panting heavily) I’m having trouble seeing straight–what color is that?
Valve: It’s blue–they’re all over the board, like a stage 4 cancer
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
AB to YJ: So, that’s 60 total big boys. How many have you done so far?
YHC to AB: Wait, are you guys each doing all the reps, or are you splitting the total amongst your team?
AB: Don’t worry, we’re splitting them up. We wouldn’t be so crazy as to each do all those reps. That would be ridiculous.
YHC to White Meat and Pope: Are you guys splitting them up?
Pope: No, we’re each doing the whole rep total.
YHC to AB: Exactly! That’s what we’re all supposed to be doing!
AB: Dox was confident that he heard it was a compilation. And now he’s on his way to work soothing his lemon truck woes with the smug confidence of an inevitable victory.
Valve to YHC: Injustice happens. Looks like we’re bear crawling another lap.
(AB and YJ honorably change their rep counts with 10 minutes left to match the actual rules somehow missed in the explanation, knowing that there will be some substantial point docking at the end. The other two teams keep on keeping on, all the while completely avoiding all black tracks. Seriously, not one burpee was done. It’s amazing what lengths we’ll go to to avoid burpees when given any other option.
7:30 hit and points were tallied with the blue team graciously forfeiting 1/3 of their points. Counted off and three wearables were rewarded: Phil the Pain went to Pope, The Fire Within went to Valve, and Blue Tube went to YHC)YJ: (Prayer)
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
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F3 Monopoly – from Safety Valve
YHC set out to devise a beatdown that incorporated a Paradox level of creativity, with an AB level of confusing instructions, and a dash of competitiveness that would make Goose proud. YHC also needed to figure out a way to get the PAX to fill the 80 pound GORUCK medicine ball that Wet Tap gifted to us. What came of this mix was the first edition of F3 Thibodaux Monopoly.
Upon arriving at the Peltch, YHC was feeling confident. Got there early enough to set up, but after fiddling with the light at the tennis courts with no luck, time was running low. After choosing the thunderdome and setting up, YHC ran to greet 5 other Hims about 3 minutes late. Enron would be proud. Pope was already back asleep in his bed by the time SSH started since YHC forgot to pick him up on the way. There are some things in life that your friends will never let you forget. Along with showing up late that one time, this might be added to the list.
Warmaramma
SSH
Willy mays hays
Imperial walkers
Wind mills
Arm circles
Cherry pickers
Self loveIndian run mosey through the Peltch with a 5 merkin drop off ensued to warm ourselves up for the game at hand. We eventually ended up at the thunderdome where the board was set-up.
Game-play:
Stations/Properties up for grabs:
1. Wet Tap’s Water Works – Thrusters
2. Advanced Eye Avenue – Jump Squats
3. Family Doctor Clinic Way – V-ups
4. Enron Tax – Curls
5. Goose’s Place – Bonnie Blairs
6. Mitchell Family Eye Lane – Merkins
7. Suckles Railroad – Reverse Flys
8. White Meat Plantation Road – LBCsEach PAX member started on a property and completed as many reps as possible. The timer for the AMRAP was the PAX at the “Pass Go” space completing 20 BBSU. After completing the 20 BBSU, this person rolled a die. If the number rolled was a 1, 2, 3, or 4. That person got to add that many scoops of sand to the 80 pound medicine ball. Rolling a 5 put you in “free parking” where you skipped the next property and held plank for the duration of the following persons turn. Rolling a 6 put you in jail – the only way to get out of jail was to complete 20 burpees. The PAX member who completed the most reps at each property owned that property at the end of the game. By the time the medicine ball was filled, tap owned most of the city. That meant he got to go first for the next thang.
The medicine ball, henceforth known as “Tiny”, had to make it back to the flag somehow. Each person would get a chance to hold our new baby and take 20 steps toward the flag with her. That person also got to decide the mode of transport for the rest of the PAX. After going through bear crawls, crawl bear, lunges, reverse lunges, broad jumps, bunny hops, etc. we finally made it. Unfortunately, there was still time on the clock and YHC’s truck was parked next to the thunderdome. We brought Tiny back to where we came from. This time with the rest of the PAX doing sprints to the flag and back to the person carrying Tiny.
COT, prayers lifted up, Tap prayed us out.
#Renewyourvalves
Love God and love others. This is all. -
Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose
YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
Coyote -
Hunt and Gather – from Wet Tap
Hunting & Gathering
After a deep rabbit hole dive into the physiological advantages of prehistorical homo-sapien survival, and its similarities with the F3 style of beatdowns, a particular IPC’ish pyramid scheme was created. I mean, we as a group aren’t that evolutionarily different from our ancient ancestors. Farting is still hilarious, grunts and obscure noises are echoed throughout the gloom, and sexual innuendos find their way into any exicon maneuver.
So, when 8 men and a 5 next generation 2.0’s joined YHC for his 4th year manniversary. I was pleased to share my brainchild.
After a lengthy waramarama, making sure to hit all body parts, we coupon moseyed to the track. A faintly heard the remarks of a non running beatdown plan, because WETtap doesn’t like to run. While this is true, growth only comes through pain. And “do hard s%^!”
The plan would be as follows:
Every 10 yards of the football field is marked with a cone. Mode of transportation between cones = murder bunny from goaline-50yd / REDRUM 50- goaline. Under each cone was a carefully selected exercise the PAX must complete, then run a 400m lap, then complete again before advancing to the next cone. The rep count corresponded with the yard line.0-10 MB, 10thrusters, lap, 10thursters
10-20 MB, 20 CPR, lap, 20 CPR
20-30MB, 30 zebrakicks, lap, 30 ZK
30-40 MB, 40 BBS, lap, 40 BBS
40-50 MB, 50 merkins, lap, 50 merkins
50-40RR, 40 AH, lap, 40AH
40-30RR, 30 ZK, lap, 30 ZK
30-20RR, 20 CPR, lap, 20CPR
20-10RR, 10 thrusters, lap, 10thrusters
10-0 RRThe finish line was so close. Only Goose and Safety valve were upset the clock struck 7:30 and time was called.
We moseyed back to the flag for COT and prayers.
Thanks to the PAX for the growth and support through this life long journey.
