F3 New Orleans

Tag: The Peltch

  • Block Treatment (Party) – from Goose

    YHC has had the coupons in the back of his truck all week since Goats needed them on Saturday, Montana on Monday, and Paradox on Thursday. I didn’t feel like unloading them, so it seemed necessary to work them into this morning’s beatdown. The Block Treatment was conceived in YHC’s closet at 10:30pm last night, the only place in the house where a light is allowed, and it was born this morning at 6:30am after a short gestation. There were some, however, who wished that it had never been born, that it would have remained just a twinkle in YHC’s eye.
    After threatening to show the interesting bug bites YHC received during Paradox’s beatdown on Thursday and then thinking better of it, we commenced the usual warmups with the addition of something a little bit new. That’s where the mutinous thoughts began to get a foothold, and they’d continue to fester and grow through the remainder of the beatdown. Shoulder circles aren’t a huge change, but they were awkward enough, especially for our Awkardness Specialist, Enron, to merit some serious mumblechatter and sideways looks, especially from our Sideways Looks Specialist, Cardinal.
    The grumbling really began as YHC directed the PAX to the back of the Goose-Mobile to grab a coupon. We moseyed to the lower field and lined up on the “baseline” by the batter’s fence. Partners were chosen, and while Partner 1 farmer carried both of their coupons (carry two coupons, one in each hand, by your sides, like milk buckets), Partner 2 completed 5 burpees before catching up and and taking over. YHC partnered with Pope to save Paradox from the public humiliation of uneven traps since Pope had a lighter composite block. The coups were farmer carried around a large perimeter, one partner at a time, and since one lap didn’t take very long, YHC decided to add another. The traps and hands were burning nicely through that last stretch, and the PAX was glad for a break and to rest in the bliss of ignorance as to what was coming next.
    What came next was so difficult to understand that it took about five minutes into the exercise for all the PAX to finally get what we were trying to do. Enron was convinced that we were gonna try to make a block bi-locate, and Lil’ Cuz was murder bunnying off into the sunset before things finally settled down. The PAX would Indian Run around the same perimeter, the front man rifle-carrying a coupon, and the back man would run to the middle of the baseline where ANOTHER coupon awaited and murder bunny five steps with it toward the other end of the field (to the Christmas tree lights). Once five murder bunnies were completed, he’d run back to the front of the line and take over the rifle carry. It took a few laps to get the murder bunny block all the way across, and the tracks across the wet grass were unique.
    Speaking of interesting tracks, the next exercise was the ol’ Block and Bear from the baseline to the Christmas tree lights (about 60 yards). Afterward, it looked like a bunch of slugs with legs had been through there, most of whom didn’t know that the quickest way from one point to another is a straight line. And, some looked like they achieved flight a few times.
    EMOM work was next, which was welcomed with thoughts (and noises) of insurrection. Every minute, on the minute for 10 minutes, PAX would complete the following, all with coupon:
    -5 lunges (1:1)
    -5 squats
    -5 rows
    -5 curls
    -5 overhead presses
    -5 tricep presses
    The PAX doubted YHC’s insistence that all this could be done in less than a minute, but the first round provided the necessary vindication. All exercises were completed in less than 40 seconds, giving the PAX about 20 seconds rest between rounds. YHC thought maybe trust in his leadership was being reestablished, but he was mistaken–at around minute 9, it was clear that though the PAX recognized that YHC’s ideas could be done, they doubted whether they should be done. And the next exercise(s) would only cement those doubts in their communal mind.
    PAX were asked to line up with some space between them and lay their blocks long-ways on the ground. Next exercise would be 10 burpee jump-overs–burpees, but jumping sideways over the block instead of straight up in the air. It was tough, and the timing of it toward the end of the beatdown made it just as much of an exercise of will as it was an exercise of lungs and thighs. But we wouldn’t stop there.
    The PAX were then directed to stand their blocks up vertically and do it again. This one came with a pep talk, though, cuz YHC could smell the despair. I couldn’t see everyone, but it seemed that this second, harder round was actually executed with more accuracy and success than the first. Just goes to show…(insert something inspirational).
    This was followed by a mosey back to the flag carrying the coupons. Some runners jogged by, and I heard more “good morning’s” than usual from the PAX–I think I heard more flexing, too.
    We had a solid 8 minutes left for coupon Mary, and this is where YHC lost the PAX for good. Commitments were made to ensure that all Saturdays, at least, were covered so that YHC would have no opportunity to Q again anytime soon. I think some plans were even made to steal and hide the blocks, or maybe use them in Goats’s upcoming chicken coop repair. Well, whatever it takes to fill the Q sheet. Exercises for Mary included:
    -big boys with block on chest
    -wife pleasers with pelvic blocks
    -flutter kicks with block held high in chest press position
    -LBC’s with block on chest
    -box cutters with block held high in chest press position
    -dying cockroaches with block held high in chest press position, rocking it back and forth
    -heels to heaven with block held high in chest press position
    -American Hammers with the block

    COT and Enron prayed us out.
    It was great to be in the gloom with you guys! I could never imagine having a reason to be excited to drive through thick fog at 6:15am, but I definitely was this morning, and it’s because of this crew. Much love for you, gents, and looking forward to all that comes next!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Turkey Bowl – from Paradox

    11/26/22 7:29 am EDW Stadium

    A youth sized Wilson football leaves the rocket launcher surgically enhanced shoulder of legendary quarterback Yankee Joe Montana. The game clock strikes 0:00 and the scoreboard is locked in a dead heat 0-0, the leather-bound vessel elevates in a tight spiral and cuts through the gloom of a misty bayou morning. A bird chirps. Fresh biscuits fill the air. It reaches the peak of its flight and underneath, each PAX fight for real estate to find its landing place. Its destination is a streaking Superfun(d) who has battled through the Yellow Team defense and found wide open spaces in the endzone. Time stands still, the fate of the F3 Turkey Bowl hangs in the balance….

    18 hours earlier…

    Text Thread
    YHC: F3 Turkey Bowl tomorrow, I’ll get flags. Can you bring an an American football?
    Yankee Breaux: Yea, going to Wally today to get black Friday deals on Icy Hot. What size, Junior?
    YHC: You bet. I can throw it clean over those mountains.

    14 hours earlier…
    Group Text with Tana and Yankee
    YHC: Check out this F3 turkey bowl jersey prototype (beaming with pride as YHC attaches pic of PDOX jersey I’d been stenciling for hours)
    Tana: Bro.. I’m gonna shoot you strait …that looks like it says POOX
    Yankee…..
    Tana:….
    YHC: No turning back, see yall in the morning. (*Googles Bible verses on Humility)

    6:00am YHC and Yankee setting up cones and feeling low expectations about turn out
    YHC : Can you play flag football with three people?
    Yankee: Who is the third? Tana had a few high APV brews yesterday, hes atleast 50/50
    YHC: Man , Goose is never gonna let me Q the special holidays again. Oh well it was a good run.

    6:29 am YHC and Yankee share a “yea this is gonna be awesome” nod as 10 PAX and one 2.0 FNG pour in from all corners to the Peltch gravel lot. The call of gridiron glory had not gone unanswered. Major Brat rolling in for his second beatdown! T Claps!. andddd a really special Welcome Back Kotter moment as Gordon strolled in with a fresh homemade F3 jersey and a twinkle in his eye. We got rolling with some standard warmups with somewhat proper cadence.

    THANG 1 WARMUP
    PAX Indian run with last man dropping off to do 5 Football Thrusters (thrusters holding a football, don’t overthink it) then runs to lateral pass the ball to the last man in the Indian run. If ball dropped we would suffer 5 burpees as a PAX. It took Cardinal approximately 3 microseconds to spot the morality loophole. “What if they drop it and nobody sees them?”. To YHCs knowledge there were only crisp albeit somewhat short passes and we made it to the EDW stadium with legs activated.

    Mosey to the Center Cards logo after an impromptu cone shuttle run.

    WarmUp Song
    “Are you ready for some Football?”…No not the one your thinking , sorry . I left Hank Williams Jr at home. We did Zombie Walks on the song with Burpees on “Football” to this version created by …checks notes….Mr. Lewis and D.O Dubb feat Dub Ruffin. You might want to google this one because its pure poetry.

    Mosey back to the endzone with a lateral cone shuttle run

    YHC had PAX line up shoulder to shoulder
    On Q call we passed the ball side to side
    On Down hold Al Gore, On Set we chopped feet, Then YHC blew the coach whistle and whoever had the ball got to call a PAX to go out for a pass. If caught 10 SSH, if dropped 5 burpees. PAX faired well here once in a rhythm. Gave everyone a chance to see what talents would be showcased in todays Main Event…

    Thang 2 The TURKEY BOWL
    Divide PAX by 1s and 2s and pass out yellow and blue flags
    BLUE TEAM: Montana, YJ, Cardinal, SuperFun(d), Wet Tap
    YELLOW TEAM: YHC, Major Brat, Lil Cuz, Paradiddle, Gordon

    The Rules were simple enough. Each possession starts on the 50. You get 4 downs, no first downs. PAX hold al gore in offensive huddle while PAX hold plank in defense huddle. Any turnover (on downs, interception, fumble) results in 10 burpees for offense and 10 SSH for defense. A touch down results in 10 burpees for defense and 10 SSH for offense.
    Yellow team took the first offensive possession after winning the toss and a lengthy explanation of an alien football backspin concept that must be a “down the bayou” thing. (still don’t get it)

    Yellow team with a turnover on downs to start after a failed flea flicker. Lil Cuz establishing himself as a field general early. Blue team started a steady drive and it looked like we would continue a Saturday tradition of watching Wet Tap do athletic things we usually only see on TV. Blue was threatening an early score leaning heavy on Taps speed and Tanas relentless trash talk.
    …That’s when Gordon decided enough is enough. As Tap was streaking for what looked like an inevitable score Gordon met him head on to force out of bounds. Unstoppable object..immovable force..we’ve heard this song before! Some bystanders say you could actually here the moment that Taps ear cartilage gave way. When the dust settled Team blue ate 10 more burpees and with blood in the water Team Yellow had the big Mo swing.

    HIGHLIGHTS
    -Paradiddle kept a great attitude despite not know much football lingo
    -Montana is light on his feet and has perfected the Lebron Crab dribble. Don’t let him get in open space.
    -Gordon with a contested 2 foot drag interception and we still are waiting on booth review
    -Legends continue to grow but pretty sure Wet Tap wasn’t allowed a vehicle as a teenager and just had to run to places. He was never late.

    We traded blows for the next few possessions but remained a tight defensive slobber knocker. YHC checked the applewatch game clock and gave blue team the 60 second warning. This would be the final drive…

    7:30am EDW Field Endzone
    The junior size Wilson descends on its path into the EDW endzone and finds SuperFun(d) ready to cradle it like a newborn baby. Crowd noises overtakes the scene as our perception returns to real time.
    The inaugural F3 Thibodaux Turkey Bowl had its victor. Blue team in Hail Mary Fashion!!

    Defensive MVP- Gordon
    Offensive MVP- SuperFun(d)

    Wrapped up on the field with our now traditional PAX clean up then mosey back to the flag.

    Welcome Lil Cuz’s FNG 2.0 –Pikachu!

    COT and Cardinal Prayed Us out

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead.
    Lots of great ideas for this one going forward and I think the Bowl series will be a staple.

    SYITG

    Pdox (POO-X 4 Lyfe)

  • A Day in the Life of a Cardinal – from Cardinal

    YHC was up late the night before due to a thrilling game-winning field goal as the clock ran out in the second-round playoffs of his alma mater. With Cardinal pride coursing through my veins, the beatdown began to form. We’d take the PAX on a journey back to a day in Cardinal’s life as a Cardinal – pun intended.

    We began with the usual warmup – SSH, IW, WM, the full Arm Circle gambit (forward, backward, cherry pickers, and Moroccan night clubs) and finished off with some grass grabbers (sans clap).

    Then we moseyed to a new location – YHC’s parents’ house, which is right across the street from the Peltch and right next door to the high school.

    A typical Cardinal day started with a brisk walk to school – living across the street has some perks – like waking up 10 minutes before class started and still getting there on time (as long as a brisk pace was kept). We did an Indian run, with the last PAX dropping for 7 merkins, until we finally arrived at the classroom building for the day to begin.

    Now YHC’s alma mater is known for many things – chief of which are the legendary biscuits. Buttery goodness that you haven’t imagined or experienced until you tried one. Paula Dean would be proud. You don’t want to know how much butter goes in them. But they are unmatched. YHC had one (sometimes more) every day for the course of my stint at the school (hence the current need for working out). But as you might imagine, they were popular. You had to get there quickly if you wanted to have any time of recess left (and God forbid you risk them running out!!!!).

    Thus – the biscuit sprint. The PAX paired up, with one sprinting from the classroom building to the student union and back while the other did 4×4 of merkins, mountain climbers, BBS, and overhead presses. We did two rounds, because the daily limit imposed by the school was 2 biscuits per student per day.

    Then, classes resumed until lunch. We moseyed over to the Card Yard for lunch time and another partner workout. PAX paired up, with one doing incline merkins while the other bear crawled to the other side of the Yard. Round 2 involved derkins and crab walks.

    We finished lunch time with a quick round of blackjack from the deck of death. Two PAX came out with 19’s so YHC decided to do both. I forget exactly what happened, but it involved many squats.

    We then moseyed to the football stadium for the pep rally for the big game. Rival week is legendary between YHC’s alma mater and their rival school. The Thibodaux PAX have their own fierce rivalry on Bluetooth speakers – Anker, cheap yet decent, vs JBL, who has been accused of being the weakest speaker in F3. We put them to the test in a head-to-head playoff of Flower by Moby. JBL’s turn involved doing what the song said via squats (up and down). Anker’s turn involved merkins (up and down). Who was the winner??? Jury’s still out…the PAX could come to no clear winner – no one is willing to change their allegiance.

    We finished out on the field by doing 1st and 10’s…YHC forgot a couple details, which Goose was happy to let him do, so we did 1 burpee/100yd sprint, 2 burpees/90yd sprint, and so on. It was a hard…really hard…but good way to finish out. Just like last night’s game was down to the wire, we couldn’t slow down if we hoped to finish in time. The PAX succeeded. Rumor has it Paradox upped his life insurance policy after the experience. Paradiddle really came alive and showed that he was made for burpees and sprinting – God bless him…

    A final thought I had that never materialized was recreating the “Stadium Cleanup” – after each home game, students would come the Saturday morning to clean up the trash. Enron unknowingly made it happen with the suggestion to help clean up after we finished out – a great F3 act of service.

    We moseyed back to the Peltch for COT and Goose praying us out. A great beatdown despite the misty rain that persisted. Grateful for these men!!

    And GEAUX CARDS!!!

    SYITG,

    Cardinal

  • The Beautiful Beatdown – from Yankee Joe

    Over the past few weeks, YHC has navigated a time of growth and reflection. In Marketing, there is a term called, “marketing myopia.” It is a concept that refers to a firm’s narrow focus on their own product development considering only internal strategies, along with competitors’ actions. As such, the organization loses focus on the two most important elements…1) the needs of the customer and 2) how their product can fulfill those needs.

    You see, YHC had also become myopic in his thinking, both about his place in F3 and subsequently, his beatdown designs. Following the St. Vincents 500 (hosted by F3 Thibodaux), I was exposed to the prowess of legends like Tanked Up, Hawgcycle, and Thibodaux Pax’s very own, Goose. With IPC 2022, in conjunction with the Jerf challenge, only to be followed by Burptober, YHC came to believe that all beatdowns should…ya know…kill you. Why else are we here?

    My dear gloom partner, I want you to know…nay, I need you to know…that I was wrong. But as only Ahtohallan knows, “when all is lost, all is found.” I embarked on a beatdown mission to find a balance between rigor, creativity, and, dare I say it, fun. That said, here we go.

    The game of soccer (or Football for the rest of the world) has its roots dating back to ancient China. However, since we cannot actually corroborate this with any real evidence, we’ll opt not to be wankers and go with the modern version, which popped up in 1860’s England (some say Germany). To distinguish the new sport from other games such as rugby, it was dubbed “Association Football.” The word “association” was abbreviated to “assoc,” with one who played the sport being an “assoccer.” As the game made its way over to the US, the term evolved into the word we know today, “soccer.” So if an obnoxious Brit ever gives you a hard time about the term “soccer,” simply inform them that you refuse to engage with a man who calls french fries, chips. And chips, crisps. I can’t. I just can’t.

    With that bit of useless trivia, we should really focus on the game itself. Though perhaps monotonous to the untrained or North Louisiana eye, the game is a chess match of fluid movement and strategy. Plays beginning from seemingly benign backfield passes, suddenly develop into offensive attacks with players moving in out of open spaces.

    The game is often called, “The Beautiful Game.” For this reason and in honor of the World Cup 2022, I offer you “The Beautiful Beatdown.”

    (First, YHC arrived early for setup and met Paradox for our typical pre-thang…wait…sorry. I’m not supposed to talk about pre-thangs. Moving on.)

    Warmarama: 11 PAX at the Peltch!!!

    The usual. YHC was losing his voice due to a constant rash of 2.0 plagues running through the castle, so I went fast. No time for mumblechatter, seriously screwing with Enron’s typical momentum. The sky was overcast and sputtering. We hailed the triumphant return of Paradiddle, a clear omen that today would be special. However, in my haste, many cadence steps were butchered. For a quick moment, Goose’s smile disappeared as if to say, “fix this or I will.” YHC got it together quickly. Mosey to the F3 soccer complex.

    Thang 1: Agility and Strength

    As this was the first part of our beatdown, we recognized the first World Cup in 1930.
    Setup: On a 30 x 10 field, one side corner several cones spaced closely for a total of 10 yards; opposite side corner the same set up. The pax split, half starting on one side and the other across the way.

    Pax began in staggered starts, side shuffling at full speed between cones for 10 yards, then 20 yard full sprint to other side; 19 burpees. Continue to opposite side cones. Repeat side shuffle and sprint going the other way then 30 merkins; Repeat side shuffle and sprint going the other way then 19 squat jumps; Repeat side shuffle and sprint going the other way then 30 Carolina Dry Docks.

    Notables: Wet Tap, recently off of IR, showed his typical prowess, barely breaking a sweat. Enron made a comment about 19 burpees being his limit, so YHC changed out 30 side straddle hops for squat jumps. I’m kidding, but Enron was on thin ice, you betta’ belee dat.

    Interlude 1: Shakira’s

    This Pax’s hips definitely lie…or at least significantly modify. Imperial walkers through the verses, Shakira’s on the refrain: low wide legged (goddess) squat with hands in praying position; remaining in squat, shimmy shoulders, while lifting alternating legs. Kinda like a squat version of the hand release merkin. Then Q’s choice intermittently with arm raised jump ups and open Pax freestyle.

    (At this point, YHC’s legs were burning from the fast pace work during the pre-thang with Paradox…Crap…sorry. I keep forgetting. First rule of pre-thangs is don’t talk about the pre-thangs.)

    Thang 2: The Goal of the Century (aka Oh Cosmic Kite)

    In the quarterfinals of the 1986 World Cup, Argentina went up against a strong squad from England. On that championship Argentinian team was a footballer named Diego Armando Maradona. Of all his countless successes, he is perhaps remembered most for the two goals during that match: The Hand of God and The Goal of the Century. Also on that day was another iconic moment provided by Victor Hugo Morales, the famous Argentinian journalist who was commentating for the match. Morales’ play-by-play of that goal, followed by what can only be described as fever pitched hysteria would move into history as one of the most recognized monologues of all time. The English translation is included at the end of the blast for your enjoyment.

    For this play, Maradona made a move down the right wing to receive a pass. Upon receipt, everybody assumed he was about to pass off to one of his teammates. However, two Englishmen closed in, blocking the passing lanes and getting within a few feet of the ball. What happened next became legend. Maradona switched directions and somehow threaded the needle between the two opponents, then set off to the races, juking and passing three more defenders on a 60 yard dash. With the English keeper sprinting out to cut off the angle and with two defenders hanging on his back, Maradona, at full speed, faked left a step, causing the keeper to fall, then scored. GOOOOOAAAALLLLL!

    The Thang:

    Partner up. 1st Round
    P1 dribbles soccer ball at full speed 30 yards to marker; Completes 86 LBC’s; sprints back with ball (total 60 yards)
    P2 holds flutter kicks for duration; flapjack

    2nd Round
    P1 dribbles full speed to marker; Completes 86 hand releases without merkin; sprints back
    P2 holds mission impossible plank for duration; flapjack

    3rd Round
    P1 dribbles full speed to marker; Completes 86 high knees; sprints back
    P2 holds Al Gore’s for duration; flapjack
    *screaming various soccer terms in multiple languages was encouraged

    Notables:
    – The 2.0’s, Coyote and Pope laid waste to the thang. Sonic (2.0 a la Goats), at five years old, made YHC look downright silly.
    – Lil’ Cuz continued to show his athletic versatility
    – Paradiddle quietly and efficiently dominated. I might be crazy, but I swear that guy never stopped smiling the entire beatdown. Beastmode.
    – Our north Louisiana Pax, Enron and Paradox, who claimed to know nothing about soccer, showed some seriously legit dribbling skills. In fact, Enron, YHC’s partner, got off the poop list due to his speedy rounds and minimizing my Al Gore time.

    (As Paradox and YHC reached the first half mile during our pre-thang, our pace was already at a sub 8 minute mile…AHHHHH. I can’t help it. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.)

    Thang 3: Geese and Goats and Crabs and Bears, Oh My!

    That’s right, a soccer themed beatdown would not be complete without a crab-bear soccer match. The pitch was set at roughly 20 yards by 10 yards, using portable drilling goals on either side. Pax split into teams, the P1s and P2s from the previous thang. All pax started in bear. No hands allowed and you have to stay in some sort of plank. This last rule was VERY loosely interpreted, but it only added to the chaos. When one team scored, all Pax switched to crabs, while the team that was scored on did 5 burpees.

    Goal 1 came in the second minute. Wet Tap (P2s) deflected a pass across the middle from Enron (P1s). Playing stellar defense all day, Paradox (P1s) somehow managed to clear it out of their defensive third, sending a long ball to Goose (P2s) who was waiting at the top of the key, defending our goal. In a moment of confusion, Goose lost control of the ball and in a desperate attempt to kick it out of bounds, instead launched it into his own goal. He showed the appropriate amount of remorse.
    – P1s lead 1 to nil.

    Goal 2 came in the 6th minute off of the acrobatic play of Lil Cuz (P1s). The jiu jitsu training continues to manifest itself in the most incredible ways. I refer you, Dear Reader, to the History of Baseball Part 1 Beatdown, when he duck SPRINTED nearly 20 yards to make a diving catch. Was he offsides? Did he abandon his crab walk position? We’ll never know. Instant replay was not available and Goose was not prepared to use up one of his challenge flags. All we know is that Paradiddle was stealthily serving balls from the flank all game long. The result is the same.
    – P1s 2 – P2s Goose Egg.

    Goal 3 came in the 9th minute with 20 seconds remaining on the clock. Allow me to set the stage. There had been many attempts from Goose and other P2s to get the ball down to YHC in the offensive third. However, after YHC bungled nearly every opportunity, the focus shifted to Wet Tap (P2s), Sonic, and Pope. At this time, I should mention that the primary source of frustration for YHC and the P2s was a wily, smiling, and smack talking Coyote. Coyote was easily the defensive MVP for the P1s, fearless and seemingly everywhere at once. Prior to the leadup of the play development was a Paradox induced scrum that dragged Goats and YHC into the mix. The Homer (not Houma) style is strong, stubborn, and methodical. As a result the ball was moved back to mid field and cleared out of bounds. Like Batman and the Joker, Paradox and Goats showed what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. A fifth dimension opens up. Come to think of it, I don’t remember seeing Goats at the Coffeteria. Somebody should look into that.

    THEN…a throw-in to YHC, who passed to the middle, but it was redirected to the flank. I could not see who it was in the mud and mist (perhaps, Pope), but the abstract mirage crossed the ball back into the middle yards away from the goal. The noise of the faithful began to rise, a crescendo of madness and delirious hope. Bodies swarmed to the middle like wolves as the ball soared through the air to its intended target. Suddenly a player leapt up above the pack. He was airborne and fully horizontal. Time stood still. Wet Tap finally believed Morpheus…HE was indeed the ONE. Wet Tap (P2s) ripped a massive scissor kick. Coyote’s knees buckled as he tried desperately to change course. It was too little, too late. The sound of the ball being swallowed in the back of the net cut through the hysterical tension…then a millisecond of terrifying silence just before the Pax erupted into an ear splitting frenzy of insanity. GOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!

    – Final Score: P1s 2 – P2s 0

    Interlude 2: When Pele Met Freddie

    To the tune of Bicycle Race by Queen, Pax did 4 minutes of ab work. Q’s choice on ab exercises with Freddie Mercury’s on the refrain. Per Paradox’s feedback, YHC is still working on his Freddie Merc form.

    Mary to The Core!

    5 minutes of plank work, Q’s choice. Low plank, high plank, high side, low side, Nolan Ryan’s, Mission Impossibles, ALL WHILE doing alternating leg lifts and extended holds on leg lift in each plank position. YHC did not truly appreciate how hard this was going to be. I am proud that the Pax uttered NOT a word of mumblechatter (or audible to YHC at least).

    Mosey back to the flag, COT, and Wet Tap Armando Maradona prayed us out.

    Every opportunity to Q is another blessing. I am grateful for the trust, the humility, and of course the chatter.

    SYITHG,

    Yankee GOOOOAALLLLL

    (Paradox and YHC ran a 7:23 mile during pre-thang.)

    As promised, the commentating of Maradona’s Goal of the Century

    He’s going to pass it to Diego, there’s Maradona with it, two men on him,
    Maradona steps on the ball, there he goes
    down the right flank
    the genius of world football, he leaves the wing and he’s going to pass it to Burruchaga…
    Still Maradona! Genius! Genius! Genius!
    There, there, there, there, there, there!
    Goaaaaaaaal! Goaaaaaaal!
    I want to cry, oh holy God, long live football! What a goal! Diegoal! Maradona! It is to cry for, excuse me! Maradona, in a memorable run, in the best play of all times!
    Cosmic kite, which planet did you come
    from, to leave so many Englishmen
    behind, for the country to be a clenched
    fist crying for Argentina? Argentina 2,
    England 0!
    Diegoal, Diegoal, Diego Armando
    Maradona!
    Thank you, God, for football, for
    Maradona, for these tears, for this
    Argentina 2, England 0

  • 2 Year Manniversary of F3 Thibodaux! A Brief History of F3 Down the Bayou – from Goose

    The highly anticipated day had arrived. Costumes were donned, and the gloom was dark. So dark, in fact, that Paradox, fully decked out in unlicensed Jack Sparrow gear, did a full Helen Keller on an FNG, hands all over his face saying, “Goose, Goose is that you?” just because the guy showed up in a grayish Tundra. The FNG was accomodating, and YHC did show up a little later, overjoyed at the PAX’s costumes and their total disregard for how they’d fare in the rain, the dirt, and through at least 100 burpees. From giant furry vikings to skin tight Moana characters to full size pickles, these dudes were all in. Thankfully, God delayed the rain for a few hours, so the weather was perfect and the morale was super high (made even higher by Head Cheese’s dramatic entrance). We had record numbers at The Peltch, coffeeteria planned for the first time, and 2 years of an unprecedented journey to tromp through–it was an awesome morning!
    Warmup of the usual with last minute costumers trickling in (Picadilly’s pickle balls were amazing, even if they fell off during the first set of mountain climbers). PAX grabbed coupons out the truck, and we were off toward the lower field for the First Era of F3 Thibodaux: Goose-olation

    Era 1: The Genesis of the Beginning, The Dawn of the Origins, Part I
    Goose arrives in Thibodaux from Mandeville with nothing but a list of backblasts from NOLA, Northshore and BR. He couldn’t stop the progress, though, and had high hopes for what might develop. So, the backyard would have to do. For months, what drove him on was knowing that F3 brethren somewhere had already sweat through whatever beatdown he had pulled from the backblast list, so he wasn’t completely “alone”.
    The routine for this era would be The Big Bang:
    All PAX start in a bunch huddled around the coupons. First round, grab a coupon, do 5 OH presses, then mosey 10 steps out from the pack and do 10 burpees (facing outward for max isolation) before returning and plank up for the six.
    2nd round: 5 OH presses, mosey 15 steps out, 15 merkins
    3: 5 OH presses, 20 steps, 20 burpees
    4: 5 OH presses, 25 steps, 25 Hammers
    It’s a reality that pushing alone is way harder than pushing together, and the contrast was felt. Glad to move onto Era 2.

    Era 2: Random pop-ups
    The first to follow the dancing idiot into the madness was technically Cardinal, though he wasn’t seen again for many months (quoted as saying something like “that’s for the birds”). So, Wet Tap gets T-claps for coming out unaccompanied to throw himself into whatever Goose and his Goslings were doing out at Peltier. Then came Gordon, G.I. Joe, and Percolator, though because of work schedules and getting over the initial hump, attendance was random.
    This seemed a great opportunity for the randomness of the Deck of Death, so Wet Tap started us out under the Thunderdome with a random pull followed by three more (Irkins, Bulgarian split squats, and whatever those other two were…). Then, for the sake of time, we moseyed to the baseball field.

    Era 3: Enron
    Goose’s isolation, especially on weekdays, changed unexpectedly with the arrival of Enron. With the dogged determination and willingness to endure pain that only a younger brother could posses, Enron showed up to every beatdown he could and pushed himself hard to keep up with Goose. This quickly led to intense progress and his VQ (alone at The Peltch–for character building). His determination has never slowed, and his Q’s are well thought out (and typed out), usually including some sort of element of chance (for Cardinal).
    PAX partnered up for a grinder as a reminder of all those mornings at The Stage with just Goose and Enron. Split duty on 100 burpees at home plate while partner 2 runs the bases.

    Era 3: Return of the EH (and Crab Walk) King
    Cardinal eventually did return, and not only did he stick with it, even on weekdays, but the PAX quickly began to swell with his FNG’s, and his move to Chackbay has only widened his EH territory.
    The exercise would be Bear Crawl Tag Infection–Cardinal started at the pitchers mound and bear crawled around tagging the PAX, who were crab walking to get away within the confines of the infield. Once someone was tagged, he became part of the cult, switched to bear crawl, and began tagging the rest of the sad clowns (crabwalkers). It took no time for all to be tagged, ironically with Head Cheese being the last…So, we moseyed to The Chimney for Era 4.

    Era 4: Paradox
    As soon as Paradox even heard there was an F3, he had purchased tiny Mudgear shorts and within minutes had memorized the entire Exicon and the last 100 backblasts from the top 5 regions. And, his foot has never let off the gas. This next routine would be a nod to his name (you know, cuz he’s a doctor, and his wife is also a doctor, so they’re a pair-o-docs…), and to a couple of his Peltch Q’s.
    Partner up, both partners do 10 burpees, then one partner body drags another about 20 yards to the chimney, both do 10 more burpees, then flapjack and body drag the other back to start. This is where Paradox’s mustache exploded (the remainder of his facial hair) which made him Orlando Bloom’s character instead (props to Lil’ Cuz for that observation).

    Era 5: Lumen Christi
    Earlier this year Cardinal was able to talk a few of the young men who worked at the chancery with he and YHC to come out to a new beatdown on Tuesday mornings at Lumen Christ, the retreat center behind the chancery (with showers and everything). It was a glorious AO with a great crew, and some of the Thibodaux PAX would show up every now and then, too. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t last as the retreat schedule filled up (I guess it seemed a little less retreat-ish to have a bunch of sweaty dudes bear crawling down the hill to the Top Gun soundtrack or Indian running past the windows with cinder blocks over their heads).
    In a nod to Tighty Whitey (may he never be forgotten) and Enron’s near death experience at Lumen, we did Welsh Dragons up to 7, followed by a mosey to the playground.

    Era 6: SV 500
    The St. Vincent was arguably the best F3 fundraiser in the country (and maybe the world) for 2022 (and maybe for all time, past and future). Thanks to Paradox’s leadership and the buy-in of the rest of the PAX, it went off beautifully, tons of people attended, we had an incredible time, and we surpassed our goal of $10K for prescription meds for people in need. In honor if this incredibly blessed experience, we partnered up again for a quick Dora in honor of the partner race that raised the bar for many years to come.
    Partners would split duty on 100 flutter kicks on the playground side of the “mountain” while partner 2 ran over the “mountain” and did 10 Big Boy Situps on the other side and ran back. Then, moseyed back to the Thunderdome for the final eras.

    Era 7: Jerftember
    Yankee Joe’s arrival came and went like many who get a first taste of F3, puke, and don’t come back. But he did come back after about a month, puked some more, and became hopelessly addicted to growth. The Jerf was born out of this deep desire for more and more growth, and it opened a new era of Thibodaux PAX ownership, comradery, accountability, and WHOOP pressure. It also gave birth to BAPS, who still hasn’t fully proven himself.
    In honor of the Jerf, PAX lined up on the baseline under the Thunderdome for one full round of Jerfing. The sound of 17 PAX dropping cinder blocks onto concrete under an echoing pavillion is truly a glorious thing.

    Era 8: IPC and Burptober
    With one minute remaining, YHC led the PAX in 3 Kraken Burpees in honor of the unprecedented Week 5 of IPC and to finish out the 100 burpees needed for the second to last day of Burptober.

    Moseyed back to the flag, all still in full costume, for an incredible COT and our first ever coffeeteria. Fence Post was named (Welcome!!), Cue Ball was welcomed (originally from F3 Huntsville), and tables, donuts, too much coffee, and raw eggs were laid out under the trees. Conversation was awesome as the PAX rejoiced in the incredible blessing that F3 has been and the unrepeatable gift that each man has been to the whole group. The high from that morning has lasted for multiple days now, and it spilled over into record breaking numbers at The Stage this morning (including Fence Post!). Looking forward to the many years to come!

    See You In The Gloom,
    Goose

  • The History of Baseball – Part 1 – from Yankee Joe

    With the Q first string out, Manager @Goose had to make a call to the Thibodaux Pax bullpen for YHC. @Paradox was on probation for administering performance enhancing beatdowns and @Enron was tied up in questionable contract negotiations. Apparently these negotiations required sandy beaches. Other key starters were also unavailable such as @Cardinal who was on his 73rd retreat over the past month. @Wet Tap, upon learning about Goose’s bullpen call, opened another Jucifer and decided there might be a work conflict.

    Goose’s call was a risky one. Yankee Joe has thrown some good innings, but his starts are not what you would call consistent. What with wrestling practice themes, to totaling mini-vans, to replicating Simba’s rise to power over Pride Rock…you just never know what version of Charlie Sheen you’re going to get.

    Upon setting up the beatdown, it was still gloomy. As I moseyed back to the flag, I saw a silhouette of an imposing figure carved out against blinding headlights of a parked car. As I neared, Lil’ Cuz came into focus. With his characteristic stoicism, arms crossed and looking pretty intimidating, he acknowledged me and simply said, “It’s cold.”

    From the parked car sketchily idling with headlights glaring, El Montana emerged sporting his F3 headband and the beginnings of his man bun. YHC is particularly excited about this development and it will assuredly only improve his pickle ball game.

    With 3 Pax and 6:30 quickly approaching, I raced through the beatdown in my mind making tweaks to accommodate an odd number of Pax.

    Then it happened. The red glow of dawn was creeping over The Peltch as a pick-up truck turned carefully and purposefully into the parking lot. It was a powerful vehicle, gleaming and blinding with the purest white. Like Artax boldly and majestically moving toward ‘The Nothing’, but there would be no Swamp of Sadness today. Who was this? Another visitor from a far off Pax? Did Wet Tap get a new truck? The door opened and seven feet of Toe Loop emerged. YHC’s first thought: I better step my game up and win one for the Gipper.

    On to the beatdown:

    It is the month of October, which means ‘tis the season of Reggie Jackson, Ted Williams, George Brett, and David Ortiz. In celebration of the best month in sports and inspired by Paradox’s history of the Burpee earlier in the week, YHC offered The History of Baseball: Part 1, broken down into three thangs.

    As Yogi Bera once said, “Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.” Sounds like an F3 mantra if there ever was one.
    ———————
    Chapter 1: 1830 – 1845

    There are many references that seem to allude to a crude predecessor of baseball as far back as the late 1700’s. By the 1830’s, the game of “baseball” was recognized as an official game in America. In 1845, Alexander Cartwright, considered the true father of modern baseball and a member of the original New York Knickerbockers, wrote baseball’s first code of rules. These rules made up the core foundation of the sport we know today. Of note, you could no longer throw the object or ball at the opposing player to “put them out.” However, you could still catch a ball on the first bounce for an out and pitching was still underhand. To celebrate Mr. Cartwright’s contribution in 1845:

    Thang: 1845’s
    – Bear crawl to first, 18 burpees;
    – Bear crawl to second 45 leg lifts;
    – Bear crawl to third, 18 Bonnie Blair’s (the hard way);
    – Bear crawl to home, 45 merkins
    ———————-
    Chapter 2: 1845 – 1869

    By the late 19th century, the game of baseball was an established pastime. In New York, baseball was a passionate and ruthless sport, both on the field and between owners. In 1869, the first true professional team, the Cincinnati Red Stockings were founded, and to this day remain the only team in major league history to technically go undefeated at 57 – 0. To honor this achievement:

    Thang: 57’s
    – Mosey to first, 28 burpees
    – Mosey to second 29 freddie mercuries the hard way
    – Mosey to third 28 flutter kicks (4 = 1)
    – Mosey home, 29 burpees
    (total of 57 burpees & 57 core exercises)
    —————–
    Chapter 3: 1869 – 1905

    In 1876, the National League was created. By 1901, the rules as we know it including overhand pitching, three strikes, and foul balls were instituted. In that same year, the American League was formed. In 1903, the first world series was played between the Boston Americans and the Pittsburgh Pirates. Of course, the Americans, predecessors of the Red Sox, won.

    By 1905, as baseball was being recognized as the national pastime, a commission was formed to investigate the true origin of the game. Was it based on the English game of “rounders” or the American game of “Old Cat.” It is during this investigation that Abner Doubleday mistakenly found his way into baseball founding history lore. His involvement has been firmly debunked over the past decades. Omaha missed the memo.

    Thang: Bear-ducken Baseball (an official trademark of Yankee Joe)

    Set up on the baseball field, all Pax must hit, pitch or field in Bear Crawl or Duck Walk position. One Pax pitches the ball to the batter (in bear crawl or duck position). Upon hitting a fair ball, batter sprints around the bases. Pax fielders must chase the ball down bear crawling or duck walking. Pax fielders have two relays/throws to tag home before batter scores. If the batter wins, 5 burpees, Pax fielders 10 burpees. If Pax fielders win, 5 burpees, Pax batter 10 burpees. If the ball is caught in the air or in one bounce, pax batter 25 burpees, pax fielders 25 merkins. Continue until all pax have batted (approx. 3 min per at bat).

    —————-
    Batting Line-up

    Montana was first up. He was standing at home plate. YHC reminded him that he needed to be in BC or DW position. He looked at YHC and quietly said, “I’m getting there.” Then he did what only one man has ever had the gumption to do. Yes…he called his shot to left-center. He then got down into DW position and like the Mighty Casey, took a monster swing…and whiffed. However, on the second pitch, Montana delivered on his promise and launched a satellite into orbit. Lil’ Cuz literally (and unbelievably) duck walked…nay, duck sprinted for 30+ yards, retrieved the ball and nearly hit the cut off man to put Montana out.
    ——————
    Up came Toe Loop. Back to back giant men towering over the plate even in DW position. Toe Loop drove the ball hard. Cut-offs were hit by Lil Cuz to YHC for bang bang play at the plate. When the dust settled, Toe Loop was doing 10 burpees. This man, barreling along the bases…I could only think of the fear his Division 1 hockey opponents felt seeing this freight train bare down on you with full pads, helmet, steam rising, ice shavings flying, and of course, holding a giant hockey stick. Needless to say, YHC talked very respectful trash after the play.
    ——————-
    Third, YHC. First pitch, foul ball. Second pitch, diving swing (and a miss) laid out on the ground – Strike 2! Third pitch, pop fly to left. Lil’ Cuz in what can only be described as a cougar leaping in the air to latch onto the wildebeest galloping by, laid full out only to have the ball glance off his hand. He recovered, duck sprinted and threw a dart to Toe Loop. YHC beat it by a hair. But folks, Lil’ Cuz’s jiu jitsu athleticism is something to behold.
    ——————–
    In clean-up, Lil’ Cuz strode up to the plate. As would be expected, he drove a hard line drive right up the middle. YHC was able to corral it, but not without hurting himself in an ungraceful tumble and roll. I’m not sure what happened after that as I was looking for the trainer to take me into the concussion protocol tent.

    Game over.

    Some Mary and Yram, including lots of Superman pulses, Australian Snow Angels, and Superman sun gods.

    Montana prayed us out.

    Gentlemen, I appreciate you showing up today and going along with the crazy. There was no chatter, and everyone pushed hard through what at the very least, included 130 burpees and over 300 yards of bear crawls. As always, it was humbling and inspiring to suffer next to you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • NFL Combine with Special Guest: Fracsac! – from Goose

    As the PAX trickled in at the Peltch on Saturday, the discussion centered on how dark it was and would be for the next few weeks until the time changed. Six was the number at 6:30, and as warmups prepping for the likelihood of many burpees were coming to a close, one of the newer guys said, “Who’s that dude?” YHC turned to see a hairy man emerging from the gloom dressed all in black. The newer PAX were confused to see a strange quinquagenarian sidle up to the circle already wearing a Thibodaux F3 shirt and Mudgear shorts, but the rest of us were trying to process the fact that our regional leader, Fracsac, had just shown up out of the darkness to post at our humble, bayou AO!

    After some additional grass-grabbers (with the clap–thanks, Frac!), we grabbed a few footballs and moseyed to the ED White football field. The theme of the day would be the NFL Combine, but in our situation, since none of us would be breaking any records or impressing any NFL coaches (except for maybe Wet Tap), YHC decided to focus on mental toughness–the guy you really want is the guy who can perform in the fourth quarter, exhausted from busting it all game, with the same intensity as in the opening drive. And, since this month is “Burptober” for the Thibodaux PAX (ISI: 100 burpees a day), burpees would play a significant role in getting us there.

    For each round, partners would measure each other’s performance in an event, then all would do 10 burpees and immediately do the event again. Whoever didn’t match or beat their initial performance after the 10 burpees had to plank or Al Gore until the start of the next event.

    Events:
    1. 40 yard dash (partner timed)
    2. Broad jump–from the goal line
    3. “Bench press” = hand release Merkins to failure–once rhythm breaks due to fatigue (utter failure for all)
    4. Shuttle run–start at goal line, run and touch 10 yard line and back 2x
    5. Vertical leap–against the adjacent building, marking height on brick lines
    6. Pass accuracy–partner at the 20 yard line, can’t move his feet
    7. Catch on the run–post/slant right after running to the 10 yard line
    8. Pass distance–from the goal line, as far as you can
    9. Fumble chase–bear crawl to the 30 yard line for time
    10. Touchdown dance–AMRAP Apollo Onos for 1 minute

    Some of these events may or may not be included in the actual NFL combine, but being on such a nice field with bright lines on spongy, fake turf made us feel like it didn’t matter (because clearly none of us belonged out there–except maybe Wet Tap).

    Leg exhaustion and lack of oxygen can make it easy to forget that burpees are a serious core exercise. But, after asking Fracsac to lead Mary back at the flag, we were reminded very quickly. YHC doesn’t remember 15 IC reps of the following ever being so hard: American Hammers, tin snips with arms high, flutter kicks with arms high, windshield wipers, LBC’s, Lazy Boyz, and Big Boi Situps.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out. We got some news and some insights from Fracsac’s veteran leadership, and we solidified plans to clown-car up to Audubon Park for the convergence on the 22nd.
    Thanks, gents, for pushing so hard this morning, and thanks, Fracsac, for making the effort to find us! It was an awesome morning!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Mad Pax: Fury Road Trip – from Paradox

    F3 Thibodaux Police Blotter: October 1, 2022
    Officer ParaDox reporting on duty

    6:30 am Called to the scene for suspicious activity at Peltier Park for 3 men and a wild Coyote rolling dice around a shovel flag. These men were all recognized as repeat offenders, there criminal profiles noted below:

    The Ringleader: noted for organized workouts in the region dating back to 2020, he leads a tough gang with iron will and burpees. Rumored to have 20-25 offspring. His authority was questioned…once.

    The Barefoot one: 200 lbs of muscle, he is clearly the enforcer of the gang.
    XL mudgear shorts so his quads don’t rip the seams. That wayyyyyy down the bayou DNA keeps his cardiac output ready for live action at any moment.

    The Redneck Idiot: unsure of his role in the gang, a gangly NorthLa transpant that prefers tight shorts and neon garments. Usually runs interference by mispronouncing words and mumbled speech.

    Wild Coyote: an actual feral coyote the gang uses for intimidation to rival gangs.

    6:37 am Authorities alerted that the gang picked up a late arrival, suspect in a red Southern pipe hat goes by the call signal Goats. Rumored to have an “off the grid” bunker in deep Thibodaux with enough livestock for the whole gang.

    6:42 am Suspects in question noted packing cinderblocks into an unmarked white van by planking and squat thrusting.

    6:50 am: Suspects reported by local gas station attendant. While one suspect pumped the gas, the other sprinted into the store for snacks. They continued to mercilessly gamble in the parking lot , hollering “20 merks” and “5 lbcs”. Clearly, organized crime lingo. 200 reps were pumped before they fled the scene.

    7:01 am: Civilian call outside an interstate in Texas noted that several men in unmarked white van were seen sprinting to a ditch then doing several squats. They were overheard chastising each other due to a gas station purchase of fish sticks from the vending machine.

    7:10 am News helicopter in Arizona picked up footage of the white van stuck in traffic. Suspects spent this down time disturbing the peace with hang burpees and blasting John Wallers “While Im Waiting”. 20 burpees were recorded for Project Burptober.

    7:15 am After getting jammed up for a traffic violation the white van entered a high speed chase. The gang deployed a deadly Ring of Fire maneuver for 2 rounds. Bearcrawling with merkins followed by lunges and squats were just enough to evade capture for most of the gang. Unfortunately, their beloved Goats was struck by a stray bullet of mysterious cramps. He stayed behind to take the heat for the gang in true hero fashion. “Take care of my chickens” he cried as they placed him in cuffs.

    7:20 am Following the Ring of fire dust up there were scattered reports of gang activity in Talahasee, Fl, Santa Fe, New Mexico and Bismark, North Dakota. These criminals clearly leveraged their children’s knowledge of state capitals for secondary gain.

    7:29 am The gang was last reported half moseying/half limping and carrying cinderblocks, a wifi speaker and a few cones near Thibodaux.
    After a prayer together they faded into the gloom.
    This is where the trail went cold. The suspects remain at large.

    If you have information about these HIMs please come forward to the F3 authorities at the Stage on Monday at 5:30. They will be brought to justice.

    SYITG

    Officer Pdox

    RIP GOATS
    Gone but not forgotten

  • IPC Week 3: The Backblast – from Goose

    YHC and Coyote rolled up to The Peltch a little early to measure out how far down the road we’d be running this morning. The atmosphere was thick and muggy, which only confirmed that it would be a painful one. But, having surrendered to it, and knowing we were not going to be grinding through it alone, we found ourselves rejoicing at every car that pulled into the parking lot, as if each additional PAX would somehow divide the pain among more of us.
    6:30 came quick, so we were off to the warmups: the usual with some additional mountain climbers to prep for the many burpees and man-makers to come.

    Moseyed with the blocks down the road to the area in the grass off the road exactly 200 meters from the gate. The playlist was a thing of beauty, if I may say so, and the timing of the songs couldn’t have been better (like “Livin’ on a Prayer” coming up at exactly “halfway there”), and Anker performed well. The inspiration of the music added to the inspiration of doing this for a fellow PAX who had lost his wife (accentuated by the heart-wrenching video shared on our GroupMe of the surprise candlelight vigil that his region arranged for him). The exercises were as follows:
    5 Rounds of:
    -20 overhead coupon presses
    -20 burpees
    -20 coupon curls
    -20 V-ups
    -20 goblet squats
    -13 man-makers (burpee with coupon)
    -400 meter run (to the gate and back) with an extra 400m run at the end of the 5th round
    This added up to 571 total reps, the number of days his wife fought pancreatic cancer before passing away.

    YHC didn’t expect that any of us would finish, especially with the longer warmup and the time it took to mosey with the blocks to the beatdown area. So, as we could no longer delay the inevitable, Michael Jackson kicked us off with “Bad”, and like pushing off from the top of a scary waterslide, there was no turning back. The experience of 20 burpees and 13 man-makers was as life-sucking as expected, and YHC found that the decision to just keep going without measuring what was left in the tank had to be made many, many times.

    YHC was buoyed by Montana, Cardinal, and Lil Cuz’s never quit attitude as well as the long-term tenacity of Enron and Yankee Joe. Coyote seemed to be enjoying himself, as usual, his mind in his happy place as he distractedly did what might resemble curls, presses, etc. After three rounds, YHC checked the watch and saw there were about 20 minutes left, and after some fatigue math, figured it might actually be possible to finish close to 7:30 if I pushed, though that wasn’t a very attractive option. Yankee and Enron weren’t far behind, so I knew the decision to finish at all cost wouldn’t just affect me. But, whatever song came on at the time reminded me why we were doing this, so if pride wouldn’t get me across the finish line, a suffering brother would.

    The 7:30 alarm went off, giving all who were on a tight schedule a reason to stop. YHC had four man-makers and 800m to go, so the decision to finish was an easy one. Yankee Joe wasn’t far behind, but it was the decision by the rest of the PAX, especially Montana, to accompany YHC on the final 800m run that was inspiring and greatly appreciated. Enron provided the push for the final sprint, and then we all collapsed like dead bodies scattered on a battlefield. The oxygen that seemed to have been in short supply up to that point tasted as sweet as food to a starving man, and we gulped it hungrily and gratefully.
    Slow moseyed to the flag with blocks on shoulders, COT, and Yank prayed us out.

    Mumblechatter afterward revolved around the unprecedented bio data, which was collected by what is still a variety of devices. This one was definitely a memory maker. YHC is extremely grateful for the men out there today and their willingness to dig deep, which is what it takes to forge true and lasting brotherhood. Honored to be joined with this crew in the trenches!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Just Wait Until This Year – from Yankee Joe

    A beautiful Saturday morning at The Peltch welcomed six Pax to her warm yet menacing embrace. It was about to get real…like real real…not iron challenge real…but def second to last level, Fake Bowser real.

    Still recovering from the St. Vincent 500 race deep in the swampy gloom of Thibodaux, LA, YHC spent last week painfully reflecting. Pulled by the mighty Enron through the latter half of the race, YHC had been front row to witness the unbelievable prowess of Tanked Up (respect) and Speedy Gonzalez (hate hate). YHC’s hopes had loomed large that morning at the stage. However, as Daft Punk so aptly put it, Tank was Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. Ego appropriately deflated, YHC could have simply been a good little 90’s Red Sox fan and said, “Just wait until next year.” BUT with only 364 days remaining until next year’s race, YHC broke the cycle and immediately began crafting a plan. After an honest assessment of that day, YHC identified two specific moments in the race from which he would never recover: 1) Dora’s with 150 Big Boy Sit-ups and 2) Burpees. Taking Saturday’s Q was the first step (or burp) toward glory.

    By 7:30 am, each individual Pax had completed 285 merkins, 200 thrusters, 230 squats, 100 yards of crab walks, 100 yards of bear crawls, and 150 LBCs.

    High Country Chatter:

    – Welcome two new FNGs: Toe Loop and Pill Poppa!
    – Bosé up in this piece
    – Goats in the Machine making a bid for comeback pax of the year!
    – Enron is apparently moonlighting at the AO in Lake Norman, NC, but then bailing to the wilderness.
    – Paradox not only refrained from mentioning JBL, he was supportive and dare I say, friendly toward Bosé. Mark my words…there’s something sketch going on like keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.
    – Montana (and also a legit Montaña) broke out 100 yards of crab walks like they were nuttin’.
    – Kilo apparently can do 3,732 LBC’s without breaking a sweat…
    – Percleator is pure machine from the waist down (enter Michael Scott)…c’mon, I’m talking about rocking 205 squats and nearly 4 minutes of Al Gore’s.

    Warmarma:
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Wrist circles
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    Arm stretches
    Imperial walkers
    Grass grabbers
    Mosie

    Mini-Thang: Cotton Eyed Joe
    – Hillbilly walkers; squat with side leg kicks on banjo; merkins on girl singing; rinse and repeat

    Real Thang: Painful Reflections (with soundtrack)

    Per YHC’s assessment, Burpees created some problems…so we dissected the problem and deconstructed the burpee.

    Part 1: Deconstructed Burpee w/ crab walks
    – 10 Squats, 10 leg thrusters, 10 Merkins, 10 leg thrusters, then crab walk 10 yards to opposite marker. Decrease reps by 1 each time until you get to 1 each. (110 thrusters; 55 merkins; 55 squats; 100 yds crab walk)

    Also, Dora’s wreaked havoc, so we got lazy, but not really.

    Part 2: Lazy Doras (no running, but jack up the pain)
    – Partners perform 100 Merkins each (total 200), 200 LBCs as a team, and 300 Squats as a team.
    – P1 started with Merkins while P2 planked, then switch until 200 merkins reached
    – Then, P1 did LBCs while P2 performed a 6″ leg hold, then switch until 200 total.
    – Finally, P1 did squats while P2 held Al Gore’s, then switch until 300 total.

    Painful Reflections Playlist:
    Crazy Train (Ozzy), Hells Bells (AC/DC), Another One Bites the Dust (Queen), Raise Your Hands (Bon Jovi), Enter Sandman (Metallica), Jump (Van Halen)

    Real Real Thang: The Umpire Strikes Back (110 merkins total; 100 yards bear crawl)

    Death Star, but set around a little league infield, base paths divided in segments.
    – Pax started at home plate 10 merkins, bear crawl halfway to 1st base – 10 merks, bear crawl to 1st base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 2nd base – 10 merks, BC to 2nd base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 3rd base (that’s what she said) – 10 merks, BC to 3rd base – 10 merks
    – BC one third of the way to home – 10 merks, BC to next third – 10 merks, BC to home – 10 merks (as Paradox reminded YHC that Tank was out there probably doing something harder)
    – Finally, BC to pitcher’s mound – 10 merks
    – Sprint to center field, wait for pax, then merkins until muscle failure (this last bit did not happen for some reason, but YHC was too gassed to notice)

    Mosie back to the flag…er…the spot where the flag normally goes for COT. Montana prayed us out.

    359 days until SV500 2023. But first, painful reflections followed by painfully righteous solutions.

    I continue to be humbled by your fellowship. Thank you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe