F3 New Orleans

Tag: The Peltch

  • Face off – from Wet Tap

    March 9, 2024
    F3. ““ the face off.

    It’s a very humbling experience when you only get one commit. All aspects of competitive work, and Dora fly on the window. Nevertheless, a beat down must be compiled. Who would YHC be without an objective pain and suffering.

    As I sat in my truck, alone, cold and tired nervously waiting for a familiar truck car, or even Prius, I contemplated the fact it would be a solo down. Alas, an unfamiliar face one of years gone by approach me. a sweet old lady with a sparkle in her eye asked if I knew F3? could it be that F3 has reached this far? She then explained that she is jackknife’s grandmother and the 2.0 would not let a Saturday beatdown go without his presence! What dedication! Not a minute to late America’s best showed up and jumped out his truck ready to tackle the inevitable showdown

    Warm Arama

    We triangle up and perform side straddle hops, high knees, and butt kicks by the way Honeysuckle, & Willie Mayes Hayes

    Thang1.

    Run Indian.
    We each lined up for a mosey and YHC instructed the crowd that 1st man would yell out an exicon approved workout and the Pax would perform 5reps of said exercise. Then 1st man would fall to the back of the line and the new 1st man would call out. The plan was for a mile run, but with the limited number of PAX, we capped it at a half mile. T-claps to AB for inventing the Arnold Schwarzenegger Merkin. This will come back again.

    Thang2.
    Reaction time. The entire PAX planked up face to face with a baseball in the center at arms reach. Once everyone was set anyone could grab the ball at any time. The winner would be rewarded with 10 merkins, while the losers inherited 10 burpees. At this time let it be known that Jackknife is faster than a rattlesnake. Whether it be equilateral, right angle or isosceles Jackknife was there, ball in hand, and a smirk that would make Popeye proud. 80 burpees in and Americas best announced that we should just do 20 burpees. Smarter words have never been spoken.

    Thang3.

    With Jackknife still clenching the baseball, we headed to the field. YHC asked him if he could throw the ball, and secretly had the notion to use that as a mark for distance.
    Well, 40 yards later we were bearcrawling there and back. 10 Chuck Norris merkins. Then lunge walk 40 yards and back.

    Thang4.
    At the monkey bars the PAX would static hold a pull up for as long as possible( chin over bar). 1st to fall won 10 Carolina Dayton’s, and winner took 25 LBC. We made it 3rounds til YJC called it.

    Thang5.
    Baseball field. PAX lined up on their 6 at home plate,first, and short. Everyone jumped up and it was a sprint to catch the man ahead of you. This went on until YHC found Jackknife. Replayed with an added” on your six to merkin” and AB found me. A punishment of 10 airsquats or air biscuits had us all suffering.

    Thang 6.

    A fun game of kicking a baseball to each other for a half mile. I have no idea what this is called in the exicon and I can’t find it anywhere. You know what I’m talking about and I’ll be schooled on when this backblast posts!

    We made it back to the flag and named off. COT and Jackknife prayed us .

    A great morning with great people.

  • Troops of St. George – from Safety Valve

    It’s not everyday that we get the feeling that we are improving the people and the world around us. When they come, we must be ready to share ourselves and experiences with others. Today, YHC had the privilege to lead 11 other men and 2.0s on our first Troops of St. George camping trip to Tickfaw State Park. Troops of St George is a group similar to F3 that builds brotherhood with other men, strengthens bonds between fathers and sons, and brings us closer in our relationship with God. So, it’s not by chance that a few of our F3 PAX have joined the troop recently.

    Started off with what F3 is and stands for (fitness, fellowship and faith). We discussed briefly the 5 principles and gave the disclaimer.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Toy soldiers
    Imperial walkers
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles back
    Cherry pickers
    Self love

    Knowing that there likely would be a few new faces and 2.0s, YHC tried to keep this as mild and fun filled as a Safetysuckle Q could be. Some might say that YHC succeeded. Most would say the beatdowns that YHC comes up with is neither mild nor fun filled. Bring it up to “the board” if you are unhappy.

    Thangs-
    Indian run around parking lot to get new 2.0s familiar with standard practice. The 2.0s blew this up and even Suckle had a hard time keeping up.

    Tag – 2.0s are it, if dads are tagged have to do a 3 burpee penalty, 2nd tag is 6 burpees, 3rd tag is 9 burpees, etc. Flapjack.

    Partner up dads and 2.0s – part of F3 is about working together to achieve something bigger than you can handle alone. 4 cones set up 10 yards apart with 20 reps of an exercise done at each cone. Mode of transportation changed between each cone.

    Going there:
    20 Merkins
    Crabwalk
    20 Merkins
    Bear crawl
    20 Merkins
    Duck walk
    20 Merkins

    Going back:
    20 Star jumps
    Crabwalk
    20 Star jumps
    Duck walk
    20 Star jumps
    Bear crawl
    20 Star Jumps

    This is when things started getting a little too heated. Our troops of St. George Captain decided he had enough and had to go “quickly check on breakfast.” He was not seen again, and a fitting F3 name was given to him at the end of the beatdown.

    Duck duck goose. All PAX in plank position with feet pointing in. Plank held for duration. In classic duck duck goose style one person walks around and whoever gets tapped goose has to get up and try to catch the only PAX member before they reach the empty spot.

    Inch worm – Dads vs 2.0s
    Line up in plank position. Pax in the back bear crawls to the front. Basically, a bear walk Indian run. This went on to the end of our grassy area. About 75 yards. Dads won even with some questionable 2.0 bear crawls.

    To finish it off, Tubthumper by chumbawampa was played. SSH for duration of the song then burpees when it says “I get knocked down, but I get up again”.

    COT was explained to all. It’s important to have the support of every man around us. Sharing struggles and triumphs is important. Teaching our children the we love them and we are here for the times they succeed and the times that they fail is what being a dad is about.

    After count off, we had 7 new faces to name. I am grateful and proud of our core PAX members that joined today – Huge shoutout to Enron and Honeysuckle for helping the new face get through the beatdown and educating them in our ways. We came together to name the following:

    DNF (did not finish) – remember the guy that went “check on breakfast” to never return, yea that’s this guy.

    2.0s
    Waterboy
    The jet
    Squints
    Shark bite
    Red boudin
    Bucknife (changed after expressing his concerns about being named White Boudin-this was done without board approval, please don’t kick us out)

    T claps to AOL and Headcheese for making a comeback to the F3 scene. Hope to see yall more often.

    Intentions were raised and AOL prayed us out. Thank you allot waking up and showing up. It’s always a pleasure to lead.

  • Still of Steel – from Honeysuckle

    PAX: Enron, Captain D’s, Piccadilly, Safety Valve, America’s Best, Cardinal, Yankee Joe, Wet Tap, Lil Cuz, Popeye, Maneater, Pope, Coyote, Duke, Jackknife, Swedish Fish

    On a particularly gloomy morning in the gloom, the PAX assembled in anticipation of what was in store. Noting the tendency to congregate in the more paved area of the usual gathering place, YHC made a few gracious adjustments to today’s locations, but only a few. The posting of Captain D’s was a welcome sight, as was that of an FNG.

    YHC had been a little nervous for a V Saturday Q, trying to live up to the standard that the usuals provide. What if YHC inadvertently changed something? What if it only lasted 45 minutes? That would be a big change, even when put up against all the other changes since Goose has been out. Sure, Yankee Joe allowing some M’s to join last week, and Dox charging a $2 per workout per PAX on Thursday for “administrative overhead”, and Safety Valve having an indoor beatdown on Monday due to slightly imperfect conditions, and Enron forgetting to do a COT, and Coyote secretly being an elite hired coach weren’t that big of a deal, but as AB knows, being told “nice job fitting an hour into 45 minutes” is not a compliment. So YHC planned for a little extra.

    The PAX begrudgingly circled up and a typical warmarama was performed. Until the end, that is, when YHC introduced the Equalizer, which was taken from a recent downrange experience. 12 SSH’s, 12 SSH’s with arms steady, and 12 hops, followed by 11 of each, 10 of each, and so on until we reached 1-1-1. The PAX picked this up quite well. Yankee Joe seemed to be requesting a Jewish version, which we didn’t do today but one option for another day would be to start with 9’s, one per Menorah candle.

    Then we did a “standard” Indian run to the tennis courts, a nice paved surface that the PAX would have the opportunity to closely examine for cracks and debate where the expansion joints should have been put. The theme today would be in contrast to the running, rucking, and motion in general that was February. The flagship exercises of each Thang would be static holds, ideally motionless, all done in a Dora format.

    Thang 1

    The hold would be a mission impossible plank, while the partner ran to the chimney and did 2 merkins and 2 squats. Then run back and switch. After the second partner completed 2 merkins and 2 squats, they would move to round 2, where an additional 2 squats and 2 merkins were performed. In general, for round n, 2n squats and 2n merkins were performed. YHC is relieved that these workouts can be described in algebraic form, now that the true intellect of the PAX is beginning to shine through. There was no set goal for this since, hey, it was a Saturday, but in the end we stopped before we got to the square root of 50 rounds.

    Thang 2

    Moseying over to the monkey bars, the same general format would be used for Thang 2. Partner 1 would perform a dead hang while Partner 2 performed 1 burpee in round 1. In general, n burpees performed in round n. YHC has recently taken Q explaining lessons from AB, and he assured me that if the PAX don’t understand something, it’s not the Q’s fault because it was perfectly explained. Unequivocally. So, YHC is not at fault for most of the PAX not getting that when the hanging partner has to quit before the burpees are done, then the team is out and does Al Gores. Eventually the word did get around though. This eventually left one team hanging, Captain D’s and YHC. Now, YHC is not sure if Captain D’s has been secretly practicing this every day for the past week or two like YHC has, but he put up quite an impressive effort.

    Thang 3

    That brings us to the third event of the day. The PAX took a short mosey to the other side of the playground equipment apparatus, which was the parking lot of the Rec department. YHC produced a list of exercises, including WWI sit ups, Apollo OhNos, Reverse crunch, Crab Dip, LBC’s. 150 of each. Originally this was to be done in a 3-man format in the large field, but due to the conditions YHC kept it to 2-man in this smaller (paved) area, revealing a few flaws in the translation but the PAX is nothing if not resilient. In this case, the hold was alternating between a wall chair or balls to the wall, with the wall being the rec center. YHC called a few early exercise changes so that we would get to more things, and several PAX excelled at Crab Dips and were excited about other ways to apply their newfound skills.

    Then the PAX moseyed back to the flag. The inVESTment was bestowed from Pope to Enron due to his golden gloves, which were not CoolJobs but Midas brand as they turned his hands gold as well. Maneater prayed us out, and AB got his phohwn to take the photo.

    Thank you to the PAX for showing up. And giving it your all every time. It really was an honor and a privilege to get to lead you today. If anyone gets called about having to clean the side of the Rec building, let me know and I’ll take care of it.

    Prologue: As the theme for this beatdown came together, several events and thoughts came into focus through that lens. The contrast between one partner apparently “doing nothing” (holds) and the other being very busy (burpees, merkins) reminded me of my own judging of and comparing with others. Both jobs were hard today, but when I am a mover I think moving is harder and being still is easy. And vice versa. Which reminds me of something a Methodist minister told my wife and me before we got married. A story of a husband and wife doing laundry, and the husband says, “You know, sometimes I feel like I am the one doing everything around here.” And the wife says, “You know, sometimes I feel like I am the one doing everything around here.” I think about that story almost daily, and try to remember two things. First, there is just a lot of **** to do around here. And second is that egocentric view that what we are doing is harder, better, etc. and what they are doing is easy. And then Thursday, when Paradox said, “Man, Goose makes planting that flag look easy” and AB said, “Paradox makes taking the picture look easy” were two nice examples of appreciating that those “easy” things others do may not be so easy.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice, by Coyote – from Goose

                Thankfully, no mosquitoes tormented the Pax & YHC as we started the beatdown with the normal warmups. But what wasn’t normal was when YHC called “A skips.” No one but Pope and YHC could get the skip part down, so at what we thought was number thirteen, YHC had to call an untuned Halt and we switched to high knees & butt kicks.
    YHC explained that YHC doesn’t go to weekday beatdowns, so February 24, 2024, was going to be about February 22, 1980, the Miracle on Ice.
    A quick mosey to the field by bayou road, YHC explained that the US hockey team, a group of nobody college students at the time, beat the best team in the world, the unstoppable Soviet Union, 4-3. YHC asked a few questions about the event, and the Pax answered both correctly, the prize being four burpees. YHC then said how the US’s coach, Herb Brooks, said, “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your coach.” He said he would work his team HARD. So YHC said he would work the Pax HARD. We started simple, three suicide runs across the field. Then we got into it.
    First, Vladimir Krutov scored, so we spelled Krutov in alphabet form, spelling the words with our legs down on our six. What came after was to come in between every single goal: we ran another suicide run and did three burpees. YHC said that if the US scored, we would do four burpees, and if the Soviets scored, we would do three. We continued to do this, spelling the last names of Buzz Schneider, Sergei Makarov, Mark Johnson, Aleksander Maltsev, Mark Johnson again, and Mike Eruzione. (Doing twenty one-is-one Goofballs for the soviet coach’s dumb switch from the best goalie in the world to his backup in between Mark Johnson’s first goal and Aleksander Maltsev.)
    After Mike Eruzione’s famous goal, we did twenty one-is-one genuflections for the famous picture of the failed block. We played the last minute of the event, doing mission impossible plank because of how impossible it was. Then we did the normal exercises to thunderstruck because of how thunderstruck the soviets were. The song cut short twice, so we just played the hillbilly version. We played a song called Victory because of the US’s victory. During the entire song, we held Al Gore, doing various leg exercises on YHC’s call. We straggled back to the flag, beaten down hard. The number of Pax was second place overall for most PAX at a beatdown, twenty strong. Animal went to Cardinal for his amazing, attention-getting shoes. That capped off the Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice.

  • It Was Only A Mile – from Paradox

    Journal entry
    Feb 17, 2024
    An eventful morning on the Farm

    My family has lived on this property out along Hwy 1 since around WW2 and most mornings I follow a strict but enjoyable routine. Up just before the sun rises over the cane fields , I brew a pot of coffee and check the weather. Then I enjoy a quiet morning with my thoughts, some prayer and maybe even a good book.

    But this morning …this morning my routine was , well, I’ll put it politely and say it was disturbed. You see, shortly after the weatherman informed me that today’s forecast was not fit for man nor beast , well I heard just that. A man , my nephew, in the yard hollering at some sort of animal. On closer inspection out my kitchen window it was no beast making these noises but a hybrid redneck dialect being emitted from another human he insisted on calling a paradox. He was in a truck loaded nose to tail with tents and tables like Jed Clampett. “Shoot fire Yankee this is a mighty fine residence, hope tha skeeters ain’t neer bad as the peltch last beatdown” he said while looking around the farm. I expected him to have no teeth at all but he only seemed to be lacking inseam in his shorts. A paradox indeed.

    To my amazement, my nephew, the one he kept calling Yankee, seemed to know and welcome him and they began putting out cones and yard signs in a cold rain storm just happier than two pigs in the sunshine. Things were getting quite strange here , and little did I know it was just the beginning.

    By 7:15 the rain had let up but the floodgates of middle aged men with knee braces and headbands were now wide open. Short , tall, thick , thin, they all piled in helping setup a flooded tent and passing around gold baun sticks and theraguns. Some dressed for the weather while others invested in Himalayan technology to keep there mammary glands chafe free. There seemed to be no distinction in vehicle either as they stepped from punisher Tundras or eco friendly wagons. They greeted old friends with butt slaps and elbow taps yelling obscenities like FracSac and Goosey. Quite frankly , I don’t even care to know why a Hawg would even need a cycle. This ceremony continued until there were dang near 30 of them loitering around our property! I had the authorities dialed up when I was informed they had gathered on purpose AND for a charity cause AND my nephew had actually planned on them being here! Tomfoolery! The very definition!

    I settled back into my armchair to take a breather. That’s when the foghorn went off …and they started running.

    The first one I saw break away from the pack looked like he had been taken right off the cover of one of those running magazines. A stride so Smooth you would swear he was standing still but hard to reconcile that with the 1/2 mile lead he had most of the day.

    Behind him were 3-4 others seemingly using this gazelle as a pace car and weighing options that he couldn’t keep that pace all day..right..right?! (He would)

    They had one young enough to be 15 with spring loaded rubber for legs and others flexing the scars of midlife ,held together with bioflex and gorilla glue.

    Behind this second group were the real rabble rousers. A pack of 10-15 wild dogs complete with mobile tunes, homemade JV shirts and promises every turn that “I think this is it for me boys..wink, wink”

    A few ringleaders in this pack but the real Don Corleone was a highlighter vested gentleman they all called Popeye. He was not blazing land speed records but something about the way he set his jaw let any observer know he wouldn’t be denied his mileage goal.

    They all hit the first corner in site of the quarter mile cone and stared down a cold and wet 15mph headwind, lovely. Gosh I wonder if any of them had cozy pickleball scheduled today.

    In between miles I saw various strategies of recharge. Some gorged calories , others walked it out , and some stood still contemplating the next lap. Many of these hooligans searched for a man who I guessed to be their local shaman but lap after lap he wore many more hats (and one whistle) . One part coach , one part field general, his intimate knowledge of the men was palpable . Some he pushed harder, others he let down easy, both equally effective in getting his men’s best effort. He delivered speeches to ward off ego and checked joints for oil leakage like a seasoned mechanic. With a firm nod or a head turned grin he communicated his trust. This was a leader of high impact men from any viewpoint. He whistled and they ran. They ran and he whistled.

    The wind blew. The socks got wet, got swapped out and got wet again. Many met their goal mileage, passed it and kept on churning. By about 11am most having exceeded a half marathon at this point, most took a bowl of delicious pastalaya and continued to cheer on the rest.

    By around 2pm there were 4 still running . And when I thought I had heard it all one yelled “back the cones up” and they took off for one last trip, this time for 1.2 miles. The gazelle in front still as fresh as mile 1 but that ole hawg wasn’t far behind. They all knew he had a little sand left in those bags. The third man was a true bewilderment. His physique suggesting he could walk on as an NFL tight-end but his running demeanor at mile 26 was simply unbothered. The redneck brought up the rear and surely he thought there was a bud light promotion for finishers. (there wasn’t, but a Coors from a friend was even better)

    The gazelle found the finish line first only a second in front of the hawg and the artist they called Tana only a furlong after that.

    And as the miles piled up I pondered to myself “why would they do something so utterly stupid “. With time on my hands, as the trucks loaded with tents and boxes dispersed , I came to three potential conclusions.

    Was it fitness driving them ?

    Surely this looked plausible as some had clear physical gifts and several maintained peak cardio strain. Were these average Yankee Jeaux’s striving to be Americas Best athletes? Unlikely. But I can only say it seemed the fitness got them here, but it was not the reason they stayed for more. An appetizer of sorts, maybe stellar quads is just the byproduct ….so I kept searching.

    Were they just here to fellowship? Some signs pointed in this direction. As soon as I saw the Solo Stove fire pit I knew a high fluting party was in full swing. This crew obviously knew how to have a good time and the verbal assaults flying along with answered grins of disdain indicated enjoyment of each others company. I’m Closer to the mark here but…but no. Not quite the primary driving factor I could sense.

    So if they weren’t fitness professionals and most would think a better party is available at any other watering hole then what’s left ?!

    Hidden amongst the laps, intertwined between these fun loving family men, was the intrinsic need to put ones own pain aside. To combine that suffering with the brother next to him and have it all be for something much larger than themselves. That’s why they ran. Every step counted , every lap mattered. It was “only a mile” they said to each other .

    But it seemed like so much more.

    This was a fine day.

    Postscript

    Congrats to NOLA’s Smooth for winning the first annual IOAM! See ya next to year to defend .

    Second place – The OG sandbagger himself Mr. Hawgcycle

    Third place – Wilford Montana – forged in the fires of deep Bourg pickleball this was truly impressive brother!

    To all that ran today (and one that whistled), thank you for your time , effort and commitment to raise money for several great causes today and during RCR.

    Thanks to Rudy for the ground support and motivation. You really stepped RCR up this year!

    Special Thanks to Enron and Bourgeois Meat Market for the awesome lunch!

    As usual artistic liberties were taken in portrayal of backblast characters but Reluctant Yankee and his family were overwhelmingly gracious hosts . Huge thanks to his family for having us invade their Saturday!

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG

    Paradox

  • Run for your life – from Wet Tap

    The Pelch
    Running for your life

    Run Cajun run has all of us in a tizzy. Like a child sprinting the first 100 yards of a 5k. Although some approach this endeavor as a way to slowly improve your cardiovascular health while also supporting a cause, YHC also identifies as a competitor. YHC thought and thought about ways to increase mileage but also stay within the boundaries of the “embrace the suck” motto we’ve all come to love through ground teeth.

    Alas, the answer came:

    Warmarama,

    SSH
    WMH
    MC
    ARM CIRCLES
    SL

    Thang1:

    A simple and gentle Indian run from the Pelch to EDW track. This is usually at 400 yd mosey. YHC found through the miracles of the internet, that if one only took left handed turns the destination is exactly 1.1 miles. Coincidence, I think not.
    This mosey was supposed to be a warmup, something to get the blood moving. Around mile .475, Enron was confronted with a supposed pipe. This began the great fall of 2024. Chris Berman was there, somewhere is the abyss. Chanting his famous “mumblin..bumblin..stumbling..”. We all were amazed at how Enron somehow fell in slow motion. But recovered with a tuck and roll that would make Ken Shamrock proud. The imdian run finished up at the track, and thang 2 was introduced.

    The PAX lined up along the goaline of the football field. The suicide would take place in 5 yd increments. Each odd yd line would represent the number of high knees to complete and each even would be squats. This would be
    run- perform-nur back. (5-50yds).
    50 squats suck.

    Thang3
    Sprints.
    When this thang was explained, YHC could feel a tangible excitement in Honeysuckle. Much like when your parents took you to the mall for church shoes and your dad gives you the subtle nod to check out Toys-R-Us.
    On the track we would complete a pyramid sprint workout.
    100 yd dash
    200 yd dash
    300 yd dash
    400 yd dash
    Each PAX recorded their time and that number corresponded with their SSH count. Once at the top of this , we had to descend in the same fashion. A switch from SSH to LBC.
    300 yd dash
    200yd dash
    100yd dash

    All were gassed and we moseyed back to the flag. For a little Mary.
    FM
    Heels to heaven
    Dolphin hops
    Crunchy frogs.

    AB presented the alpaca investment showing off his tender and chaff free nipples to Honeysuckle.

    COT and prayers completed.

  • Life is Tough, so Persevere – from Lil Cuz

    YHC woke up to the sounds of thunder and lightning hoping it was closer to midnight than it was to 6am, but upon looking at the phone to assure me it was hours before we would be heading to the Peltch the phone read 5 minutes till alarm time. Not good…the weather would surely ruin any plans to listen to music through what would prove to be a daunting beatdown and the quiet would only add to the despair. Heading to the Peltch did not yield any better result as the rain continued to pour down all it had and YHC drove up to only one other car waiting in the parking lot. More cars started to arrive but each waited in their car as if they did not want to start the painful and miserable process about to begin.

    This start ended up being a perfect metaphor for the theme of today’s beatdown and Yankee Jeaux added to the hype with his own epic backblast as he spoke oh so eloquently, he is going to be a Dr. you know, about the path we are all on. How sometimes it seems we are not making progress but if we look back we can see how far we have actually come. This backblast was so good it was turned into hype for the next days beatdown as it applied to the theme. We push through life one day at a time and even one step at a time some days as we persevere through it all. YHC has been reflecting on the Armour of God: truth, righteousness and perseverance. We are called to persevere through life by relying on God and in this case on our brothers alongside us. We see them continuing along the path and this pushes us to continue as well. To persevere through difficulties we didn’t think were possible to overcome before, but we are lifted up by the guys around us in shared suffering to make ourselves better. Better for our wives, our children and our overall community. To do this, we have to put on our Armour of God and prepare for War.

    But first, we had to endure some shared suffering, YHC had forgotten his phone back at the truck so sprinted back to get it and the PAX did an assortment of exercises that in no way looked uniform. As if an army not yet trained for battle…

    Pre-Thang: Struggler by Brother Isaiah

    Side Straddle Hops for duration and a Burpee for each variation of struggle, struggling or struggler. This song lulls you into a false sense of strength and security but leads to a world of asking “when will this struggle end?” All the while, teaching you “every good thing is born of a struggle.”

    The MAIN THANG:

    The PAX would split into teams and throw 4 axes for points. This would determine the winner of the match; the loser would endure more suffering as a result. The target was set 15 feet away and the scoring is as follows: the black area (which is basically just hitting the board at all) would count as 1 point. The next ring is blue and would count as 2 points, then red as 3 points, and the final bullseye yellow for 4 points.

    Teams were as follows:
    Team 1:
    Cardinal
    Paradox
    Goose
    Duke

    Team 2:
    America’s Best
    Pope
    Lil’ Cuz
    Coyote / Pikachu

    Rd 1 Axe Battle:
    Team 1: 1
    Team 2: 0
    With some very errant throws undoubtedly affected by the 45 mph winds. It was a hurricane folks, nothing to see here.

    Round 1 Training:
    PAX begin with 20 merkins for the winner, and 25 for the losers
    Then a roughly 1/8 mile jog around the baseball field back to the thunderdome.
    Then 20 squats for the winners, and 25 for the losers.
    Bear Crawl around the thunderdome.
    20 Merkins for the winners, 25 for the losers.
    Roughly 1/8th mile around the baseball fields
    20 Squats for the winners, 25 for the losers.
    Lunge Walk around the Thunderdome.

    This was originally planned to be done at the Track, but EDW has locked every sneaky entrance we have found into this beloved new field and track establishment that the riff raff is no longer allowed to use. So we improvised by using the ever fitting “Thunder” dome as the rain continued to pour.

    Rd 2 Axe Battle:
    Everyone was losers with not one axe hitting the target. Horrible display from all, especially YHC who may or may not have spent hours the previous weekend working on technique.

    Round 2:
    This round followed almost the same as round one but the exercises were mountain climbers and leg raises. All did 35 reps as no team won this round. While jogging along around the baseball field YHC noticed a strange fellow sneaking behind a tree, “What could that man be doing?” I wondered. As YHC got closer it appeared he was urinating all over God’s green Earth in front of God and everybody albeit trying to hide behind the smallest tree he could find. This man shall remain nameless but maybe should be on a list somewhere.

    Rd 3 Axe Battle:
    Team 1: 0 from 15 ft
    Team 2: 0 from 15 ft

    Team 1: 4 from 10 ft
    Team 2: 3 from 10 ft

    Round 3:

    Followed the same exercises as Round 1 but due to time we called after/on the second round of jogging. Packed up our stuff and moseyed in the puddles back to the flag while being serenaded by AB’s impeccable Scottish (or maybe Irish) accent. He said stuff the whole way back but no one knows exactly what he said, as in true Scottish (or maybe Irish) fashion.

    COT, and Dox prayed us out.

    Thankful to be back to leading this group and looking forward to more suffering and perseverance in the future.

    Philippians 4:13

    SYITG,

    Lil’ Cuz

  • Tribute: Bishop Mario Dorsonville – from Goose

    YHC was in the process of building a fun Saturday beatdown when Cardinal called with some devastating news: Bishop Dorsonville had passed away at 6:50pm from complications due to to treatment of liver issues. He had been dealing with a lot of pretty major medical stuff over the past couple of months, but he wasn’t anywhere near death, so this came as a shock to everyone. After some time grieving with the M and connecting with friends and family, YHC knew there was still a beatdown to be built for the morning, and the original theme wasn’t gonna work anymore. A solid tribute would be the only appropriate way to move forward.

    F3 tributes are usually put together for fallen soldiers or policemen killed in the line of duty, and they’re defined by a single, very difficult routine that provides for maximum effort to honor the fallen. Though not a soldier or a policeman, Bishop Mario Dorsonville offered his life deeply and continuously for the people of the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux in a uniquely heroic way, and his untimely death deserves such a tribute.

    When he was named Bishop of Houma-Thibodaux, he had no idea where it was or what to expect, but he accepted it as the Lord’s will and resolutely headed this way. After his installation, he told me (on multiple occasions and with deep, passionate sincerity) that this was not going to be a stop on the way to a bigger assignment for him. He had already made up his mind and had communicated to his superiors that these would be his people for the rest of his life. These would be the people to whom he would belong, and they would belong to him until his death or retirement. He had no family left on earth outside of some distant relatives back in Colombia, and he didn’t know anyone here. But, he quickly connected with YHC’s family and with Cardinal and his family. Cardinal would become his secretary, his right hand man in all things, his brother in every sense of the word, his companion on the journey. We just had no idea the journey would be so short.

    The PAX gathered in the cold gloom and YHC was grateful to sink into what has become a strong brotherhood, a team of HIMs defined by gratitude and humble grit. It was nice to enter that circle and let the chatter wash over us. YHC could tell the 2.0’s were grateful for that, too–they were close with Bishop, like an uncle, and they had just received the hard news that morning in the truck on the way there.

    A warmup of the usuals, including the introduction of what YHC labeled “Lafayette Nightclubs”, a weird but extremely effective arm exercise experienced in Lafayette a couple of weeks ago (they called them “Moroccan Night Clubs”, but anyone who’s been to Morocco knows better). It starts with hands up, elbows down at your sides, then extend up and outward about 45 degrees before coming back down. This one’s quickly becoming one of YHC’s favorites since it works out an area that’s been hard to loosen up.
    Also, Duke unwittingly provided some comic relief as he covered his whole face with his knit had to ward off the cold wind and kept drifting into Safety Valve’s circle of safety and windmilling him in the face. I think he actually wore it like that for the entire warmup.

    YHC then explained what we’d be doing and why–some of the PAX knew already and some didn’t–and we split into teams of three, grabbed one coupon per team, and headed to the lower field.

    The tribute would consist of a Dora-like routine wherein teams of three would complete the following exercises/reps:
    -B: Burpees 200
    -I: Imperial Walkers 300
    -S: Side Straddle Hops 400
    -H: Heels to Heaven 300
    -O: Ono’s (Apolo Ono’s) 200 (2:1)
    -P: Peter Parker Merkins 100
    There were two cones set up about 15 yards apart, and while one of the trio chipped away at the burpees, another at the other cone started on the Imperial Walkers, and the third traveled from the first to the second via block-and-bear. Upon arrival, he took over on the Imperial Walker reps, and the second traversed back via block-and-bear to take over on burpees. Once a rep count was completed, that side would move onto the next letter’s exercise.

    Yankee Joe came running over just as YHC was completing the explanation, but unfortunately, he made number 13, so we had to send him all the way back to grab another coupon so he could join one of the groups and make a foursome, requiring two men to block-and-bear together. He didn’t complain, though, and shared that he had heard about Bishop that morning, and though he may not have planned to be there otherwise, he had rushed out to the door to support YHC. That was deeply moving, and YHC was almost sorry to have to put him through such a grueling routine…almost.

    It started rough and remained rough throughout, especially with the cold coupons numbing the fingers, making it hard to tell if you were fully gripping the block on the pulls. But, the variations of exercises and switching between them made it a little more doable (a little). Once all had finished except Suckle and AB (that’s how you know there may have been some widespread form-fudging), the rest of the PAX took 5 PPMerkins apiece to fill the gap, and we lined up for the next movement.

    Indian Run via the road to the far gate (by the chimney field), the last guy dropping to do 3 genuflections before running to the front. This was tougher than it otherwise would have been, obviously because of the effort that was just poured in by the PAX, and the cold wind was a-blowin’. Once we arrived at the gate, YHC called a halt to share some words and an explanation of what we’d be doing next.

    Bishop Dorsonville loved intensely. He yearned for familial relationships, and he naturally gave himself over, opening his heart wide to those he encountered. This was often exhausting for him, especially as he encountered more and more people here, and many of them weren’t always sure how to receive such an intense, sincere, familial love. This was painful for him, particularly since he had no family or friends here to fall back on, no place to be safe and comfortable with people who knew his heart, to whom he already belonged. But, he didn’t stop. He continued to press on and show up and pour himself out, praying for strength and growing connections with people here. Thankfully, Cardinal’s prayer led him to say yes to the request to be Bishop’s full-time secretary (which is more of like a partner/assistant), and God allowed he and his family to provide a “home” for him. God also allowed YHC and family to give him some harbor in the storm when he’d visit the house to feel at home with the mess and beauty of family life.

    To honor this intense, often painful journey of pouring himself out unreservedly for the people here, we would run as hard as we could from there via the road to the parking area in front of the main building, just past the Thunderdome. It was about 1/3 of a mile, which was long enough to be friggin’ hard, but not long enough to get into a groove or find a good pace. He was the Bishop for only 9 months, which was long enough to be deeply difficult but not long enough to get comfortable.

    YHC sent Yote and the 2.0’s on the shorter route between the fields, and we lined up. On signal, we took off at a hard pace and kept it hard–YHC could hear the footsteps of Suckle not far behind, and the rest were not far behind him. The body was exhausted, but we had a good reason to offer it up, to not measure how much more we could take, especially because we knew it would end soon enough. This part hit YHC hard, and the tears wanted to take over, but the opportunity to pour it all out and the support of this awesome crew provided the drive needed to put the pedal to the metal. (And, it almost provided YHC’s first career pukeage, too.)

    We went down to the field and grabbed the gear before heading back to the flag for COT, and Dox prayed us out, all of us focusing on Cardinal’s grief and Bishop’s eternal rest.
    Thanks, again, gentlemen, for your support and for entering into an unforeseen tribute beatdown in sub-freezing temperatures. F3 continues to be a deeper, more important gift than I know any of us could’ve ever expected.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • A Brick Called Dora – from Yankee Joe

    YHC was looking for something unique, challenging, and engaging for the Peltch. As I labored over various ideas throughout the week, very important questions came to mind.

    Questions like, “Have you ever been further endeared to a friend because of his farts of sweet, tangy musk?”

    Or others like, “If you made a priest miserable and then had him carry you 25 yards on his back, would you have to do penance?”

    Or perhaps, “Is denim water repellant and insulated?”

    Or, the one that was nagging me most, “Have you ever felt, I mean truly felt and really appreciated the firmness of another man’s butt cheeks?”

    These questions would challenge even the greatest of men, but they say geniuses choose green. But when buying our minivan, YHC didn’t choose green. On top of it all, there was the prospect of four FNG’s!

    That said, out of the darkness of beatdown designer’s block, came the answer:

    It would need to be crafty, annoying, and manipulative. It would need to be painful, repetitive, and unnecessary. It would need to pull hamstrings and push out farts. There was only one person in the whole of the Exicon that could answer the call.

    Dora.

    Also, did you know Dora loves bricks. She’s mighty mighty, lettin’ it all hang out.

    ———————————-

    How It Started

    As it turns out, only one FNG made it out, which is still a reason to celebrate. A spritely young man, formerly called Richard, showed up in jeans, a la O’Shem. He would go on to smile his way through the insanity, running (or rather lunging) circles around the rest of us. His naming – and it’s a darn tootin’ good name – will be discussed later.

    Also, we had the triumphant return of Hand Grenade. With him, HG brought back the ANIMAL shirt. And there was much rejoicing…yayy…

    Following the woefully incomplete and liability ridden disclaimer by YHC (thanks Cardinal for reminding me that this was a thing), we jumped into warmarama at the locals bar: SSH, windmills, arm circles, mountain climbers, self love, high knees, butt kicks, Willy Mays Hayes.

    During this time, I was concerned that with the absence of Paradox and Enron, the lack of snarky, disruptive, and highly distracting chatter would have a harmful impact on the beatdown. YHC needed not worry his perfectly shaped bald little head. America’s Best and Lil’ Cuz stepped into the void with a deluge of… well…snarky, disruptive, and highly distracting chatter. It was insubordinate and churlish. YHC don’t play, lukwalicuh?

    ——————————

    As a warm-up and prelude to the madness that would follow, we performed exercises with the Dora the Explorer theme song. As some may not be aware, a proper Dora typically moves in rounds of three, covering the upper body, moving down to the core, and finishing with the lower body (i.e. merkins, gas pumpers, and jump squats).

    So, we listened to the theme song, doing shoulder taps, and performing merkins on every “Dora.” Coyote sang along, perhaps even hitting some harmony. Or maybe it was Jackknife.

    Then we listened to the theme song again, this time doing flutter kicks with a gas pumper on every “Dora” (or maybe it was a reverse crunch…you’ll have to talk to Enron).

    Then we listened to the theme song AGAIN, holding Al Gore and jump squating on “Dora.” By this time, whichever 2.0 was singing along had stopped, unamused by the three minutes of their life he would never get back.

    Adequately warmed up, we partnered up (Cardinal chose YHC. He chose poorly.), one set of bricks per pair, and moseyed to the main field.

    ——————————–

    How It Went – DORA 1 2 3 with Bricks

    Fresh off the 9,000-merkin morning from Enron the Thursday prior, pecs were still hungover. As such, nothing like a little hair of the dog to get you right. The Dora 1 2 3 went as follows:

    100 Shoulder tap merkins

    – P1 lunge 25 yards to cone, each lunge, pumping opposite arm (think Mario lunging) WITH bricks; nur back
    – P2 – Shoulder tap merkins
    – Flapjack
    —-

    200 V-ups

    – P1 lunge 25 yards to cone, each lunge, completing butterflies (both arms) WITH bricks; nur back
    – P2 – V-ups
    – Flapjack
    —-

    300 Jump Squats

    – P1 lunge 25 yards to cone; each lunge shoulder pressing (both arms) WITH bricks, nur back
    – P2 – Jump squats
    – Flapjack
    —

    YHC grossly underestimated the time it would take to complete the thang, pondering the possibility of cutting it short. The lunges sucked so much that YHC was desperate to get back to the actual exercises. YHC writes this blast, both legs are in full spasm.

    However, somewhere in the midst of the jump squats, I looked at the PAX grinding, then YHC almost yakked.

    America’s Best and Lil’ Cuz, through their shenanigans were tearing the circuit up and were the first pair to finish. YHC also noted our FNG on the far flank, keeping up with El Papa. In between YHC’s dry heaves, I thought about the circle of life, watching a 55-year old grind out reps with a man 40 years his younger. Awesome F3 moment.

    With substantial completion by the PAX, YHC finally called for recovery. With time not on my side, YHC chose to forgo the workout to Brick House by the Commodores (stolen from an Enron beatdown last year) and move into the next, albeit truncated thang.

    —————————–

    Lazy Doras

    The Lazy Dora typically includes the same 1, 2, 3 format, but instead of one partner transporting as the timer, he stays and does another exercise (i.e. chilcutt peter parkers). Partner 1 becomes the timer, completing reps. For 100, 10 reps, flapjack; for 200, 20 reps, flapjack, and so on. Alas, we only had time for the first round.

    YHC added in a ‘buy-in’, in which partners took turns giving a piggyback 25 yards and back to start. Then,
    – P1 – Bonnie Blair’s WITH bricks (2:1) x10 reps
    – P2 – Chilcutt peter parkers until P1 completed the 10 reps
    – Flapjack

    ————————————

    Bridge of Hate

    Having cut the Lazy Dora short by two rounds, YHC asked the PAX for two things. To do as he said and not to ask any questions. And yes, America’s Best and Lil’ Cuz BOTH proceeded to ask their own questions. It’s really something.

    The bridge of hate is the inverted tunnel of love. The pax forms a line by laying on their back shoulder to shoulder. One pax will then be lifted and passed down the line of the pax that are laying on the ground. When the pax that was being passed down the line gets to the front he lays next to the last man and the man at the rear of the line then gets passed down, so forth and so on.

    This proved to be perhaps the hardest and most hilarious F3 experience for YHC to date. Personally, I couldn’t stop laughing, continually being a weak link in the PAX chain as men were passed down the line.

    Popeye started us off and with no reference for best practices, kinda just rolled (literally) through the struggling hands trying to keep him in the air. It was also a bold move exposing his front side only weeks after his hernia procedure. True to form, Pop just smirked as he watched us mere mortals struggle.

    After that, men got the hang of it – lie on the back, stiff as a board. It was here that one could really appreciate the firmness of butt cheeks that only ultra marathon training can provide. Pope was just a joy as noted by Pop and Maneater. We finished the line with the 2.0’s, which was equally amusing.

    ————————————–

    Moseyed back to the flag. FNG naming. ‘Ol Denim ‘Dick’ Naquin became [Mom Jeans] per the workout attire mentioned earlier. A firecracker of positivity and badassery, we hope to see a lot more of the Canadian tuxedo.

    Interesting and fun fact…Mom Jeans is a cousin of Prius. This is worth noting because several PAX are currently re-EH’ing Prius to join us. Looking forward to having both cousins next week.

    COT and Maneater prayed us out. We finished the morning with a Coffeteria.

    Thank you, Men, for grinding out with me. To lean into ‘the suck’, then find yourself laughing till your jaw muscles hurt is a real gift that cannot be manufactured in many other settings. All of that followed by sharing a warm cup on a cold morning makes this whole ridiculous thing worthwhile. If that ain’t a God thang, I don’t know what is.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Gold, Frankinscence, & Myrrhkins – from Paradox

    These the kings of Thibodaux are.
    Bearing gifts they travel so far.
    Field and fountain .
    Moor and mountain
    Following yonder star!

    Duke! Get the Camels!
    We’re going to Bethlehem
    Roll that beautiful beatdown footage !

    18 pax, with assorted 2.0’s, gathered on a chilly Peltch gloom for a journey…well actually 3 journeys (it’s well documented YHC has a problem maintaining a single theme during beatdowns)

    These leagues of learned men were hungry for a cardio feast and little did they know YHC had a buffet ready to serve from the East….hold it right there…I see you shaking your head…If you have a medical condition that is affected by wisemen puns, please exit this backblast. Your condition will not improve

    YHC rolled in on 2 camel humps after an extended garage search for Balthasar and Melchior but had to settle for jump ropes and tennis balls. YHC then moseyed into a gaggle of waiting magi and saw one foreigner towering above the rest. The unmistakable visage of Toe Loop had the pax in a frenzy and it was great to see him back in mix. Goose screeched in with the Van of Truth right on time. These pax were frankly incensed to get started and myrrhbe just myrrhbe we could go for gold today. Pleasantries, insults, and coupons were dispersed and we got down to business .

    Warmup
    Colder than expected winds from the east and a larger than expected group led YHC to some high rep counts to buy time for internal calculations. Plus the added benefit that nothing gets the pax full attention more than shoulder centric warmups.
    YHC then split the pax into teams of 3/4 (math is an elective at Homer High) each with a coupon and we headed for the thunderDome.

    Journey #1
    Two of today’s journeys would have clearly defined geographic destinations with goals to accomplish, lakes to sit by and a King to honor in the process. Before starting these though, YHC wanted to continue Gooses recent individual appraisals of our first F journey.
    YHC instructed the pax complete AMRAP burpees, merkins , bbsus.
    All for one minute each with a goal of establishing a benchmark for the year. We will return to these quarterly to assess progress and videos of form will be periodically sent to Sheriff Jeaux’s office for review.
    Lil Jon led us in the greatest of motivational hymns and all considered what they would turn down for.

    Journey #2 Santa Fe

    It’s the new year and if we want to set fitness goals then the first step is to know exactly where we are (see journey #1)
    The logical next step is to take a look at your own version of the mall map and find the arrow denoted “you are here “ then have a long think about where you want to be.
    Well, if there is any place in the world where I’d like to be to have a really deep think then it’s prolly an adoration chapel….BUT if there were a second place then it’s right next to that Lake …you know the one…it’s just 80 miles to Santa Fe.

    Dean Summerwind led us and we completed:

    “Santa Fe”- Bonnie Blair
    “Parked” Squat
    “Lake “ – Tin soldier
    With Al gore holds for maybe 5 seconds.
    The pax thoroughly enjoyed it with Popeye adding it to his “play at my funeral “playlist.

    Da Main Thang a Lang

    Journey #3 Arabia to Bethlehem

    We were feeling pretty dang good about ourselves with the 80 miles to Santa Fe so we set our sights a little farther …

    800 miles to make Santa Pay.
    That’s right , Jan 6 is STILL Christmas on my calendar you jolly fat man and we got 800 miles to get to baby Jesus so you better hop aboard , this pain train is leaving the station!

    3 Rounds of reps to complete as a 3 King Trio representing the aforementioned 800 miles .
    We would intermingle trivia and the fine arts to hone our wiseman skills. The trivia was hand selected from ABs learned league sample questions and YHC went easy on the pax with only the “ >50 percent correct” categories.
    There would be burpees on the line and we all know Cardinal does his best work when threatened with cardio. I mean seriously if you grew up a Dragon Ball Z nerd like YHC you can imagine ordinary Cardinal going full Super Saiyan when you challenge his heart with burpees but leverage it with trivia.

    Round 1 – 300 curls
    P1 coupon curls
    P2 run to the gate and back (timer)
    P3 Mountain climbers

    Trivia Round 1
    1.) Fill in the blank
    Mega, Giga, Tera, -blank-, Exa

    The pax made a few educated guesses here but took 5 burpees on the chin.

    2.) Herbaceous plant known as scientific name Trifolium
    Cardinal honored his namesake answering that St Patrick’s trinity Clover was correct and saved us from 5 burpees

    3.) a spiders organ used to produce silk ?
    Goose used his experience Cosplaying as SpiderDad to answer Spinneret and save us another 5 burps.

    After our penalty 5 burpees we stopped to consider what the magi may be feeling 300 miles in. Should we “turn around” ??

    JBL fired up a F3 Thib classic with Bonnie Tyler’s Total eclipse of the heart. (See GroupMe Diagram for belting vs crooning concerns)

    Flutter kicks on song
    Leg Raise on all Turn Arounds

    Round 2 200 Thrusters
    P1 jump rope
    P2 run around thunderdome building

    Round 2 Trivia
    1.) What word is the motto of a western US state, a brand of vacuum cleaner, and what Archimedes is alleged to have exclaimed before he left his tub and ran naked through the streets of Syracuse? EUREKA! Not sure who had credit for this one but they saved us 5 burps.
    2.) Dantes Divine Comedy is an epic poem divided into three canticas. The first is Inferno, what are the other two? PURGATORIO, PARADISIO – Cardinal for the win!
    3.) With the single exception of 1989 when Darrell Waltrip passed the checkered flag on Hoosier tires, every Daytona 500 winner since 1969 has driven on tires from what manufacturer. GOODYEAR
    Pax went 3/3 and enjoyed a pleasant 5 burpees.

    Round 3 – The Home Stretch
    This would have originally been 300 SSH but time required us to adapt the 300 miles into a full Rarajapari sprint home .

    With the goal of bringing your 3 gifts (pax , tennis balls , and coupon ) safely to Bethlehem (the flag) and a penalty of 5 burpees for the last team.
    YHC tried to be slick and set his team on a “around the crapper “ track but we got bogged down in the marsh only rescued by SuperFast and Maneaters willingness to dive into ankle deep puddles .
    It came down to the wire until AB took a dagger to our hearts with a Beckham bending kick to the flag.
    Team Goose took the win and a poorly led team dox ate the burpees.
    (Can someone teach me to futbol’ )

    3 minutes of Mary at the flag to finish where we wafted many backblasts and only dreamed of smelling sweeter incense.

    The counting
    The naming
    YHC gave ManEater the inVESTment for eating those coupon thrusters like they were breakfast muffins.
    Dilly Dilly prayed us out .

    RUN CAJUN RUN SIGN UP
    ITS ONLY A MILE – FEB 17

    Looking forward to an awesome year of progress with you chaps.
    It’s a privilege to lead.

    Epilogue

    The following is an excerpt from the award-winning biography of Dave Mitchell

    “America’s Best of Times”

    Written by the Pax of F3 Thibodaux

    Foreword by Squanto

    Chapter 18 : The Best of Us

    “We buried him on a Tuesday. Tuff was always his favorite beatdown ya know…its where he got his start. Goose at 106 years old, sang a stirring rendition of “Wind Beneath My Wings” followed by Valve ceremoniously sprinkling flourescein into the dirt. A light wind stirred the leaves on that quiet Virginian hillside. We had a few last moments to spend with our friend, the best of America. He looked solemn in that home built brewpon casket. Like any moment he would growl and do one last leg raise. The gray of his beard shimmering like the alpaca vest he had worn hundreds of times in a decorated life of service. We waited around at the grave after, swapping stories of beatdowns long blasted.

    Thats when the great granddaughter of the beast approached us with an envelope.
    “My great grandad had two requests in his will” she said.
    “#1 Make sure Yankee Jeaux is doing full extension Apollo Onos. I don’t know who Jeaux is but make sure he knows he was very adamant about this.
    And #2 Give this letter to the men. She opened it and read aloud.”:

    “In the waiting list of life you brothers were the wisest of men, my true learned league, never forget what we did, it was important”

    She hit play on a small musical device and walked off as we staired out across the fading twilight, the music played and somewhere in the distance a whippoorwill crooned softly.

    “Once upon a time I was falling in love. But now I’m only falling apart. Theres nothing I can do …a total eclipse of the heart

    SYITG
    Dox