F3 New Orleans

Tag: The Peltch

  • Legends Never Die – from Yankee Joe

    “Gramps, tell us a story.”

    “Girls, it’s time for bed, but alright, one quick story.”

    “Yay! Tell us the one about the great race!”

    “The great race? Which one was that?”

    “You know…the one about Mother Goose and some guy Tapping a Wet Pope. You know, when you let them win.”

    “Ahhh yes. The St. Vincent of Catan race of 2023. When America’s Best and I bestowed magnanimous mercy upon Goose, Wet Tap and Pope as they neared the finish line.

    “That’s it! Wasn’t there also something about you and Captain America being betrayed by Superman and a three-star restaurant rating system?”

    “Hahaha…good memory. Yes, Superfun(d) and Michelin, having just received a gracious and merciful gift from me and America’s Best, then promptly turned around and hit us with a heat seeking red turtle shell…10 yards from the finish line! You know, those were strange days. That race would prove to be the spark that finally ignited the F3 Thibodaux coup led by Paradox. It ultimately led to the secession from F3 New Orleans. Strange times indeed.”

    “Wasn’t there also some Viking at an ‘all you can eat’ buffet that missed exercising because they were always pickling their balls?”

    “Ummm…no. Ohhh…yes…Picadilly and Montana! They did not miss all the time because of pickleball…well not Picadilly anyway. Kids, do me a favor and don’t use that word order in front of your parents. Anyway, back to the race…try to imagine this…

    —————————
    Chapter 1: The Beginning

    It was a bright and humid Saturday morning. Your Gramps had been up all night trying to craft the perfect beatdown. With the approach of our second St. Vincent de Paul 500 race, it was time that the PAX get serious about being in shape. We were all soft. Even Mother Goose. It was clear we needed some competition, individual suffering, and opportunities to both hurt and help our fellow PAX.

    I looked everywhere for inspiration. Nothing. Then it hit me. I’d look at the absolute monarchical dictatorships in history…surely, there would be something I could use. And wouldn’t you know it? Germany and Japan both delivered with The Settlers of Catan and Mario Kart respectively. Who woulda thunk it. ‘Merica!

    “Gramps, what does ‘Merica mean?”

    “It means mud tires, aluminum cans, and freedom. Now shut yer mouths.”

    ———————–
    Chapter 2: The Gloom

    As we were gathering, Paradox brought an FNG who would later be dubbed Safety Valve. Goose’s fourth 2.0 to make an F3 appearance settled on Duke, and Paradox’s own 2.0 walked away with Gecko. Strong names. The PAX continues to grow. See coup reference above. Most impressive was the fact we had SEVEN 2.0’s!

    Perhaps, just as exciting was the late arrival of Frank n’ Beans and then as if from Goose’s lips to God’s ears, who should pull into the parking lot in the silver bullet? No, it can’t be. Can it? HORRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN! 78 fart sacks later and he made sure to show up 5 minutes late. Hey, you gotta stay on brand.

    Quick and tentative disclaimer by yours truly for the pledges and away we went.

    We finished the usual Waramarama reps, chose partners, and moseyed to the main Peltch field. As we moseyed, YHC took a detour so that the PAX could be inspired by Gwen Stefani’s epic ballad, Hollaback Girl. It was a song that got dropped from a previous beatdown…to Honeysuckle and America’s Best great disappointment I might add. However, YHC was always a gracious and selfless Q, so, you’re welcome.

    We then switched over to bagpipes blaring with ‘Scotland the Brave’, made a few pointless detours in the rec center parking lot – to ruffle some Goose feathers – and made our way to the shart show.

    At this point, Safety Valve was looking at Paradox and asking himself, “I didn’t trust this loon when he was my cadaver instructor, so why the heck did I get in the car with him this morning?”

    “Gramps…what’s a shart?”

    “Well kids, when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object…”

    [from the next room] “DAD!!!! DON’T YOU DARE!”

    “Sorry, Honey. Sheesh. That explanation would have been celebrated in certain men’s workout circles. Annnyway…

    ———————
    Chapter 3: The Setup

    “There would be 10 stations, each station with two types of exercises to be completed by both partners. In order to “buy in” to the exercises at each station, partner 1 had to lunge walk with a coupon while the other partner spiderman crawled (dubbed that day as the ‘leopard gecko crawl’) to the next station. Then one partner would nur (run backward) to the starting line and sprint back to whichever station the team was on, while the other partner completed 15 burpees. ONLY THEN, could the team begin their two exercises (not naming namesl , typically in quantities of 100 or 50. Repeato for 10 stations, 10 yards apart for a total of 100 yards.

    ***If completed in its entirety, a team would complete 150 burpess, one mile of nurs/sprints, and 1,700 reps of various exercises.***

    To make things interesting, each team had one “sucks to be you” card that would be revealed at a station. This meant that after the team had completed their exercises, they would have to complete a designated additional amount of reps.

    Also, each team held a heat seeking shell that could be deployed against any other team. When called out, the team getting hit by the shell had to drop everything and sprint to and from the nearest park bathroom…roughly 200 yards.

    To balance this out, each team also had an IM3 card that could be deployed to help another team out by taking away one station “buy ins” of nur, sprint and burpees.

    Finally, the Q had wildcards called “Dancemodes” that would be yelled out to one PAX member who in turn had to stop and dance to the existing music. The music. Ah yes. Some of the music was good. Some of it was well…atrocious. Effective though. Ace of Base ‘I Saw the Sign’ will take your mind off thrusters in a heartbeat. Actually, most would prefer the thrusters.

    ————————
    Chapter 4: The Contest

    “The race started off in good form with all teams keeping pace through three stations. The exception was Coyote who continued to live as an outlaw from the Form Police, while racking up Academy Awards for his uncannily well timed trash talking to grown men in the last throes of burpee death. Goose, Pope and Wet Tap began to pull away if only by a few yards. There seemed to be misplaced exercise cards, but we overlooked their indiscretion since Goose was still nursing a banged up wing and Wet Tap was wearing a weighted vest. Nuff said.

    The first Dancemode came with the last minute addition of the 2023 Barbie song by Nikki Minaj. When YHC heard that Horn was watching the cinematic masterpiece the night before, the song was hastily added to the playlist. Horn would not disappoint. The entire PAX sat in amazement as he reminded us that though he may have the pop culture knowledge of a 50 year old, he was indeed a Gen Z’er.

    Meanwhile, heat seeking shells were being tossed around liberally. Coyote’s trash talk was intensifying, and YHC was getting grumpy with Goose & Co.’s interpretation of the race regulations. You gotta watch Pope, boi. He’ll fire off 15 burpees quicker than you can say, “I’m 45 years old…why am I here?”

    The second Dancemode was equally inspiring. With Friday Night Lights pregame speeches rejuvenating our spirits, Goose brought the Peltch down to ‘Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can’t Lose’…from the shopping cart to the sprinkler to the Dougie. Or maybe he was popping. No, he was definitely locking. Whatever he was doing, two things were clear. 1) There’s such a thing as being cool and 2) it ain’t me.

    Some IM3’s began to emerge, first from the Goose/Wet Tap/Pope team to the Paradox/Safety Valve/Gecko group. Then reciprocated – albeit shamefully. Here, I realized that a NASCAR strategy had unfolded and we had a team car mucking up the pack so that the lead car could pull away. As YHC was swatting away this conspiracy theory, Goose hit the Yankee/America’s Best Team with a heat seeker.

    Conspiracy confirmed. Hell hath no fury like that of a Yankee scorned.

    On the far side of the pitch, Popeye and Honeysuckle were methodically keeping pace with the Goslings. They didn’t even seem to be breathing hard…like they were at a nice picnic doing merkins occasionally, while enjoying mimosas, crackers, and pepper jelly.

    To that end, the third Dancemode was probably the best thing to ever hit the Peltch. YHC called on Honeysuckle, and my man, with a smile on his face (I’m scared of his eventual VQ), dropped it like it’s hot. He would have kept going, if for nothing else but to give the PAX a rest. A good man.

    ————————

    “Gramps, were you a good dancer?”

    “Well, put it this way. The great Bill Belichick once said, ‘I don’t think you can ever really trust a man who likes to dance.’ Of course, this was coming from a hall of famer legend worth millions and yet he still felt wearing sweatshirts with cut off sleeves was a good look on game day.”

    “Soooo…does that mean you weren’t a good dancer, Gramps?”

    “Noooo…what I’m saying is that you can’t really trust me.”

    ———————-

    Chapter 5: The Betrayal

    “At this point, all teams were within four stations of the finish line. In YHC and America’s Best unending and selfless charity, we bestowed an IM3 upon Superfun(d) and Michelin. We knew they would be forever grateful. That is, until a few minutes later when they blew us to hell with a heat seeker. I laughed at first. It wasn’t a joke. A scorned Yankee, I tell you.

    As YHC was running back to Station 9 from the unforgivable treachery, I realized there were 90 seconds left in the beatdown. As I neared Goosilini and his fascist conspirators, I asked if they could cross the finish line before time ran out. The answer was a resounding YES. I then reminded them our team was sitting on a heat seeker, which would prevent them from finishing…that is, prevent them from winning. Goose protested with exasperation. We held their fate in our hands.

    ———————-

    “Oh my gosh! What did you all do, Gramps? That must have been such a difficult decision.”

    “Well, you would think so, but no. We kept the shell in its bay and let the clock run out. That day, YHC and America’s Best chose to give life, not take it away. Such is the path of heroes. This is the way.

    We then moseyed back to the flag, soaking in Gwen and Nikki. FNGs were named, prayers were raised up, especially for smooth and his family, and French Horn prayed us out.

    ———————

    Epilogue

    “So, there you go girls. That was the infamous day. The day the good music died. The day that Paradox turned the corner on spreading his wings to fly as a member of the senior leadership team.

    It was a hard and brutal affair. The men persevered without (much) complaining or double crossing allies.

    “What an amazing story! Gramps, were you a hero?”

    “No, sweetheart, but I served with a whole PAX of heroes.

    (Record abruptly stops)

    “Wait….that’s Band of Brothers”

    (Start soundtrack again)

    “Gramps, what happened to Goose? What about the rest of the Pax?”

    “It was weird that Goose had said F3 was like the John Paul II of workouts and his oldest son’s name ended up being John Paul. None of us could ever figure out what that meant, but we were all amazed by it.

    I kept in touch with those guys over the years and I found out that Enron’s company had shipped him off to federal prison. After that, he became one of the pioneering developers of fraud protection software . Of course, we all know why.

    French Horn… well…The Horn got really into fartsacking and no one ever saw him again. Honeysuckle and America’s Best became an engineer and optometrist. They started out small, carpooling together to F3 workouts. But they became legends when they invented the F3 shuttle service.

    Goose grew up and married Wendy Peffercorn. They have 9 kids. They bought St. Vincent’s de Paul’s Drug Store and they still own it to this day. Paradox Porter became a professional DJ. You know him as “The Great BAPSbino”.

    Montana played Triple A pickleball, but he never got to the majors. He’s a drug dealer now and he coaches a seniors pickleball team called, “The Tanimals”.

    Yankee’s Prius lived to be 25 years old… uh, in douche wagon years. I was the last one to move away. But when I did, the Peltch was still there. After Goose pickled Tana that day, his reputation spread all over town. From then on, he was known as “Dolly Poppins,” and the nickname stuck with him for the rest of his life.”

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ———————
    Station 10:
    100 groiners, coup run back to base
    100 squat jumps, nur
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 9:
    P1: 50 coupon side to sides
    P2: 100 plank jacks
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Stations 8:
    P1: 50 apollo ono’s 2:1
    P2: 100 coupon flutters 2:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 7:
    P1: 50 gas pumps
    P2: 100 coupon presses
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 6:
    P1: 100 merkins
    P2: 100 coupon leg lifts
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 5:
    P1: 50 goblet squats
    P2: 100 freddy mercs 2:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 4:
    P1: 50 thrusters
    P2: 100 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 3:
    P1: 100 coupon overhead presses
    P2: 100 SSHs (a type of exercise)
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 2:
    P1: 100 coupon curls
    P2: 50 V-ups
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 1:
    P1: 100 plank jacks
    P2: 100 coupon LBC’s
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

  • 80 Miles to Sante Fe – from Paradox

    What comes to mind when you think of the absolute cutting edge of human performance? Ultra marathons, Saturdiddles, special ops training, Cardinal crab walking … I’m talking the outer limits of human capabilities here. Well men I have a new challenging feat of strength to add to this pantheon of greatness. A rigorous 5 day crucible that tests the mind, body, spirit, and even Rouses endless supply of 100% juice capri suns.

    Some only live through it to tell the tale…
    That’s how I found myself shoulder to shoulder with Econoline this week at 8:15am on a casual Tuesday in the Chackbay Catholic center, awaiting our first rotation of children.
    There we stood at the game station like 2 young hobbits awaiting 10,000 orcs at Helms deep. (Jk jk your children are all angels )
    It was about to begin…
    The great battle of our time..
    Being group leaders at…
    VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL

    Duke put down that snack pack and roll the footage . It’s VBS week!

    Warmup
    The usuals with spikes of chatter with Tanas gigi arrival and Gooses wearing a crosscut necklace of cloth but mostly silent focus on preserving precious oxygen with furtive glances at YHCs entire cone collection in the big field being guarded by BAPs. Sooooon….

    To kickoff the shenanigans YHC explained the similarities between VBS stations and F3 and that we would train as group leaders today to get a taste of the action.

    Opening ceremony

    Needs to be high energy , get the blood pumping but also you need to run full speed backwards because you forgot your 2.0 shoes and he has not a care in the world of being barefoot in public.

    Indian run around the big loop with Nur to the front to take us to the Chimney.

    Game Station #1
    Hula Hoop Relay race

    Break into 3 teams
    1 team mate does hula hop to and around cone
    Rest of Team does 4 merkins, 4 sqats , 4 SSH , 4 BBSU (4x4x4x4 (tM)
    Until all complete and must slide the hula hoop down the line.
    Enron clearly ignored the PDF and instructional video YHC sent him about the 4x4x4x4 and he still had questions. Ya hate to see that from the self proclaimed smartest man in the room.
    In the end Team Goose took the title and gifted the losers with 25 monkey humpers, in an unrelated note we now cannot go within 100 feet of the St Joe carpool pickup line.

    To the tennis court

    Every great VBS must have catchy songs that get implanted into your brain and this week we talked with the kids a lot about listening to God for your call…

    Music Station #1
    “Call me maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
    1 Merkin on “maybe” and “baby “
    Holding plank in a circle of pax and Pass the Hula Hoop with hands and feet.
    if it’s on you during call me maybe then you do 3 merkins.
    The pax got pretty good at passing that hula at lightning speed and WetTap has even adopted this as his on call theme song.

    Arts and Crafts Station #1

    Another vital part of VBS is a crafting station and no craft session is complete without rock paper and scissors. Pax paired up for escalating rounds of Rochamburpee with 2 more burpees for the loser each round till we reached 12. Not sure how everyone faired here but it seemed like burpees were enjoyed by all.

    Mosey to the Thunder dome

    Music Station #2
    Over the past 2 years selecting “F3 songs” has become a cherished pastime at YHCs house. There’s no definitive criteria but you know a really good one when you hear it. YHC recently stumbled upon the #SWT (Ronnie would later figure out this was Songs With Triggers) channel of f3 slack and uncovered an absolute gem.
    I needed a song to represent this weeks teaching of finding a quiet place to pray and it just so happened that Dean Summerwind had provided directions to a quiet lake where we could park just 80 miles from Santa Fe.

    “Parked by the Lake “
    Dean Summerwind
    Hold Al Gore with
    Bonnie Blair’s on “Parked”
    Tin Soldiers on “Santa Fe”
    Squats on “Lake”

    I hope it met Popeyes high expectations. It will be added to my F3 Song Hall of Fame as Diddle proclaimed it both right and just.

    Game Station #2
    Duck- Duck Goose
    Pax plank up in a circle facing outward. One pax selects a “Goose” by running around and tapping them on the head while the pax knock out plank related exercises (Merkin, plank jacks, MCs)
    The real honker himself got us started and we had Some close battles here with the Dawson 2.0s showing some serious evasive maneuvers.

    Arts and craft Station #2
    – color our ABCs
    PAX on our six with legs up to spell out VACATION BIBLE SCHOOOL (those Os are just too fun)

    Mosey to big field and as we turned the corner BAPS was seen and one pax yelled “is Jeaux here?”
    A simple question but it nearly derailed me as I couldn’t shake the image of YJ crouched in his van with binoculars and 1980s spy equipment writing down notes and mumbling “I knew it” .
    I composed myself and we arrived safely at the Grand Finale.

    Every VBS ends with a grand finale Friday where you showcase everything you learned through the week. So YHC unveiled the ultimate VBS obstacle course
    We split into two teams started some SSH and each team let one pax into the race at a time until they got to the minefield.
    BAPS provided “the final countdown” and We raced through..

    1. Dizzy bat
    2. Lunges
    3. Merkin minefield with CrawlBears (5 merkins if you knock down a cone)
    4. Broad jump burpees
    5. Suicide Trifecta (Nur, Run, Carioca)
    We grabbed our ever growing pile of gear and moseyed back to the flag for people’s choice Mary to represent your kids showing you all the stuff they learned during the week.
    Dr Ws, Penguins, Fred Merk, fire hydrants , WW1 sit-ups with Yote till the buzzer.

    Count o Rama, NamoRama
    GiGi found a new home with Ronnie and the Animal went back to the Goose nest with concerns that Crosscut was on his last microfiber.

    COT with continued prayers for the St Pierre family
    Goose prayed us out

    NMM

    YHC has a special place in his heart for VBS. Growing up it was always the mark of deep summer and where the seeds of my faith were first planted. (It’s where I picked up a love for relay races and obstacle courses!)
    It’s also a great reminder to me to search for simple yet profound truths and to strive for a childlike faith. Grateful for the men of F3 as we help each other walk a straighter path.

    PPS (Pickleteria PostScript) sponsored by Joola

    Following the beatdown several Pax gathered at the thunderDome for the first ever Pickleteria . Tana and Dilly graciously provided the pickleGear and all the fixings for Americas fastest growing game. In a thrilling opening match Team Dawson narrowly took down Threat Level Midnight 11-2. Acting manager of TLM Ronnie Lillich was optimistic for the teams growth during the post match interview: “Dox has a floppy wrist, plain and simple,I was carrying him. His mind was boggled about the kitchen and he lost his composure”. Sounds like TLM is going through a “rebuilding year” but a lot of league experts say Dox had a dollar store paddle. Ya hate to pickle with that.
    Well , It’s safe to say that the pickle fever has spread rapidly and the only question left is ..same time next week?

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Ride the Horse (even if you’re doing it wrong) – from Paradiddle

    YHC has been tempted recently to move on from his usual loosely Ted Lasso themed beat downs, but the PAX have seemed to enjoy not knowing what will come from the mustached man – smiles, positive vibes, 50 too many burpees married to nonstop cardio? What could be in store for this beatdown…

    YHC arrived early (a rare sight) to find Sooth’s empty truck in the shell lot. After looking for Smooth for a few, YHC had some intel to gather. YHC mosey’d to ED White’s football stadium to get a good grasp on the scale of the field – he’d need to retreat one since the turf is still being replaced. Returning to the lot, YHC found some of the pax had begun to arrive – Enron, Lox, Smooth, Lil Cuz w/ 2.0. Conversation started as YHC had brought the newest FNG this morning – a prime day special that has expanded our JBL fam. With Dox’s arrival came cones, and with the help of Lox a makeshift 100 yd football field was created.

    Mumble chatter was strong and we began the usual warmups accompanied with the regular “How does this count off go again?” Debates were held about whether it’s “starting position” or “ready position” – some claiming to have done their F3 online research. SSH, Imperial Walkers, grass grabbers w the infamous clap, arm circles, cherry pickers, and mountain climbers.

    YHC introduced the legend of Leeroy Jenkins – a gamer who in 2005 singlehandedly caused the implosion of a well thought out WoW raid. Yelling Leeroy’s name today would earn the pax a 100yd sprint and 5 burpees. Every man could call upon Leeroy once in the beatdown if he so wished.

    We grabbed coupons and mosey’d to the field with Chicago serenading us and “Saturday in the Park” filling the air through the newest JBL member.

    YHC wasn’t finished explaining thang 1 before Coyote yelled the first Leeroy. The pax sprinted the length of the field and finished the burpees. We had to get back to our starting position, so it was an additional 100yd sprint back. It was immediately apparent that Leeroy might have been a mistake, as YHC had promised the pax a beatdown without much running. (I’ll admit – Leeroy was a last minute addition)

    _____

    Thang One
    Hindenburg
    An exercise on each of the four corners of the field, sprinting one corner to the next. YHC had five rounds planned, but in a last minute audible, reduced it to three.
    Round One – 5 Burps
    Some lovely soul called a Leeroy
    Round Two – 20 LBC’s
    Round Three – 30 Plank Jax
    Pax completed the Hindenburg with ease, but mumble chatter was filling the air and it was apparent that resentment towards YHC for the amount of running was on the rise. Before thang two, an additional Leeroy was called. Already up to three. Insanity. The pax was willingly engaging in MORE running and blaming YHC.

    _____

    Thang Two
    Death of the Merkin’
    This is a Diddle Original.
    You see, after Cardinal’s brutal Millennial on Thursday, Lox expressed his desire to expand his chest and his capacity for merkin’s, thus we would work on our merkins.

    We’d perform Manmaker Merkin’s (according to the Lexicon, but debated in name by Goose) – High plank with coupon (cinders are great) laying to your right side. Perform a Merkin. Reach under your body with your left hand and drag the coupon to the opposite side of your body.

    5 Manmaker Merkins on each 10 yd line, then a lunge walk with coupon to the next yd line, all the way to the 50. 25 in total, 50 yds coupon lunge in total. Pax pushed through, admittedly some pax tossing their coupons under their body with sheer frustration (downright impressive). Econoline pushed through and finished strong, not giving in to the temptation to walk instead of lunge (Hell yeah – you’d earn the animal shirt, I believe, because of your sheer will power in these moments – props)

    Pt. 2 of Death of the Merkin
    Pump Jack
    A partner pushup competition til failure – one partner performing 5 pushups while the other holds high plank and “coaches” the other. Upon failure, lunge walk around other pairs and coach them encouragingly until they reach failure.
    Pax performed these in cadence with YHC leading the count. No idea what we ended up getting to, but it was a higher number than YHC anticipated. Majority of the pax stayed in the fight all together the whole time. Props to Lil Cuz, the only person I could see (and partner), as he fought through the craziest case of arm trembles I’ve ever seen. The man didn’t stop, didn’t make a sound – WHAT! I believe someone called Leeroy here. What a move.

    It was here that my extremely loose theme came into play as Smooth asked if I had any Ted inspiration to bestow on the pax – I did! YHC had practiced for this moment, and yet still couldn’t remember it. Out came the trusty iPhone – “Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, if you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong”. – Ted to Beard

    Thang Three
    Plank Hurdles
    This was YHC’s version of “fun” for the morning. A three team relay with the team starting in plank in the end zone, partner one runs to the 10 and planks, partner two emerges from plank and hurdles over partner 1 (like a gazelle) and planks up on the 20, partner three over partner one and two and lands on the 30…etc until everyone ends in the opposite end zone. This proved to be fun and challenging, with certain pax taking liberties with their form as it quickly became competitive. Gazelle award goes to America’s Best, with the best most consistent form in hurdles AND lunges.
    Somewhere here Leeroy Jenkins was called. We were dead, but we ran it.
    After Leeroy, we returned for a second face-off of plank hurdles. Thank you Linkin Park for accurately describing our feelings as we planked up again.

    Following was one of the slowest mosey’s with coupons back to the shovel and flag. I’ve never seen the pax move that slow – I’ve never seen myself move that slow. I couldn’t make the legs move any faster.

    Pax circled up around the flag, exhausted, moist (so so so moist), and ready for shade that was nowhere to be found. COT and prayer led by Goose.

    Men, great work. This pax has not stopped pushing. We are growing. And for some reason, you chose the Diddle Death March (disguised as Leeroy Jenkins) all on your own on this lovely Saturdiddle (props to Dox to coining the phrase).

    Til the next time,

    SYITG.
    Paradiddle

  • Base-human-ball-man Game – from Goose

    YHC was feeling a little bit in a rut trying to come up with new ideas for the Peltch, but after some late night brainstorming, it seemed a good time for a couple of risky ideas.
    First, the warmups–usual suspects with unusually low mumblechatter, though YHC has noticed that it may be a trend on mornings where he’s Q-ing. It’s an interesting psychological phenomenon–not sure if it’s coming from dread, high count volume expectations, or short shorts and white thighs. Thankfully, Yankee and Dox were happy to intentionally inject some wittiness to wake things up a bit.

    We then grabbed coupons (most of us) and lined up for an Indian run to the Thunderdome. Sprinting to the front of the line with an awkward coupon seemed a unique challenge–the first of the day.

    Once under the dome of thunder, YHC paired with JBL and introduced a song off the first CD ever purchased for my first CD capable jambox back in ’96. Coupons were laid long-ways on the ground, and we would do Dox’s jump-switch-touch things for the duration, a two-footed hop over the coupon on every “on my way” and a genuflection for every “momabadeesay-moobadeeyah”. The song, “Send Me on My Way” is over four minutes long, which felt a little undoable with these exercises, so YHC offered to shave a minute off if anyone could guess the artist. YJ came through (like we all knew he would) with Rusted Root, and it was three and a half minutes of leg torture. YHC was grateful we did this first while we still had energy.

    Next, we hauled the coupons to the area next to the running track over by the cornhole set. YHC was looking for a partner exercise where the partners would compete so as to push the performance a bit. So, we settled on having one partner run the loop (1/2 mile) while partner two tried to complete 100 tricep curls/presses before they got back. Loser did 15 man-makers and winner did 15 big boy situps. A couple of interesting observations:
    1. 100 seemed like a lot on paper, but with the variety of runners/pressers, it was just right. And flippin’ hard.
    2. Pope is getting to be a bit ridiculous–he was ahead of Dilly by a good margin, and I found myself extremely grateful that he was in the first crew and I was in the second.
    3. Just about everyone split the difference on the man-makers with their partners. This is a good bunch of dudes.
    4. Running half a mile sucks worse than doing 100 tricep presses.

    After a 10-count or two, we headed over to the closest baseball field for the main event: base-man, or base-human, or baseball-man, or man-ball (should probably scratch that last one after YJ’s recently shared childhood baseball story). We dropped blocks at each base and then split into two teams. For the first inning, one player from Team 1 was the ball, and one player from team two was the base runner. The ball had to run to the center field fence before running back to try to get a runner out. Runners had to complete a coupon exercise before they could step on the bag and be safe. (Cardinal, you may want to read that last sentence a few more times.) Form also was important, and specific specs were given for each exercise. (Cardinal, you may want to read that last sentence a few more times.)
    YHC designed this game specifically with Cardinal in mind knowing that competition brings out the Red Hulk in him. He did not disappoint. YHC is tempted to include competitions in every Q just to see what a ripped Cardinal might look like, cuz that dude will push harder and do more reps than the rest of the group combined without even thinking about it if there’s something on the line.

    Team 1 (YHC’s team) seemed to be stacked with talent, and they made a solid showing at the top of the first inning only allowing one or two runs. Then, Team 1 became the base runners, and the momentum started to shift pretty dern quick. I don’t remember who got the first out, but Pope came through with a surprising double play, and to say we didn’t recover after that is an understatement. Next inning, Team 2 pretty much used the bases as a non-stop carousel despite some close calls and Cardinal questioning YHC’s identity as a member of a morally upright society and making a vague reference to YJ’s next visit to the Confessional. I think the final score was Team 2: something in the teens, Team 1: 1. Team 1 may have made a comeback, but time ran out, so we had to head back to the flag.

    We had just enough time for some slow, tortuous Mary that consisted of 6 in holds punctuated by occasional leg raises; high, slow flutter kicks; and Little Manny Crunches (hold for 3-count at the top).

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out due to some heavy stuff happening in the community (needed a heavy hitter on that prayer, for sure).

    It was an awesome morning, and YHC is grateful that you men showed up and played along.

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • Get Sharty – from Yankee Joe

    YHC arrived at The Peltch with high hopes of a large PAX. Sure, I only sent out five pre-hypes and sure, nobody actually HC’d. That said, nobody said they WEREN’T posting. Nobody said, “Hey, I know you are going to spend hours putting together a beatdown, and I hate to miss it, but we’re heading out of town.” As Montana would say from his vacay on the beach right now, “ya hate to see it.” I assume he’s at the beach. I have no idea.

    In planning the beatdown, I didn’t want to sell the PAX SHORT. I worked hard to ensure SHORTness of breath so that mumblechatter would be in SHORT supply. Though many of the PAX are under six feet, we make up for our SHORT stature in other ways. After seeing Goose’s seven inch vents and 3 inch inseams on his SHORTS the other day, I knew what had to be done. I couldn’t guarantee someone wouldn’t have an accident and SHART themselves, but today is all about the SHORT SHORTS or wet sharts depending on who you ask. The beatdown would celebrate four icons of short shorts.

    As I was saying, with my short shorts all up in a twist, YHC was excited to ultimately welcome five other PAX. With Paradiddle and Goldilox keeping up their posting streak and Paradox rolling in with some turquoise peeking out of his collar, the forecast looked bright. Lil’ Cuz sauntered in, but apparently couldn’t convince his M to loan him some shorts. His 10” inseams were a bit awkward. YHC was really looking forward to those pearly white legs.

    Most importantly, YHC was expecting an FNG. A former student and helluva beast first baseman for Nicholls (keep in mind, Nicholls beat the current College World Series champions this year), YHC was excited to have him in the mix. He emerged on the other end in much better condition than the rest of us, along with the new name, Shart’eh. He’s Canadian. He likes to say, “eh.” You put the rest together.

    We had 40 penalty burpees already on the books. The PAX had three trivia questions worth burpee deductions to be decided in fully transparent and biased fashion by the Q.

    Warmarama

    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    High knees
    Mountain climbers

    Thang 1: Shartin’ to the Oldies

    Trivia #1: Where is Richard Simmons originally from?

    Answer: New Orleans (nobody got it)

    Song: Short shorts (The Royal Teens) – In high plank, 2 Groiners on “short shorts”; Shoulder taps during rest

    Plank Fonda X 15 each side (Jane Fonda’s in high plank with full arm extension)
    These were really hard. YHC is adding them to every beatdown moving forward.

    Star jacks X 15 IC

    Patty cake merkins w/ partner X 15 (P1 and P2 in merkin position facing each other. Merkin in sync, slap opposite hands at top of merkin…like patty cake.

    Transport: Mosey to ED White bleachers listening to “In Da Club”

    ——————————————————————————————————–
    Thang 2: If He Dies, He Dies

    Trivia #2: In 1975, Chuck Wepner fought Muhammad Ali for the heavyweight championship. Wepner was not expected to last more than a few rounds. Wepner even knocked Ali down in a near KO. Wepner eventually got TKO’d in the 15th round. A young screenwriter was sitting in the crowd that day and subsequently, wrote the plot to his movie idea in three and half days. Who was he?

    Answers: Slyvester Stallone (Lil’ Cus saved the day)

    To celebrate the Rocky franchise, but most importantly, the movie that saved America from communism, Rocky IV, the PAX laid into two new challenges. Of course, we listened to the traditional Rocky songs, including the Rocky IV training montage. As Paradox noted, the “only training montage.”

    Lunge Mountain

    Start at the base of the bleachers and lunge up each bleacher row. On top of each bleacher, do ascending air squats. There were 20 bleacher benches, thus 20 incline lunges and 210 squats. Not that it needs to be mentioned, but Goldilox is not a man, he’s a machine. See what I did there?

    Merkin Mountain

    Start in an incline Merkin at the base of any stadium bleacher. Perform 1 merkin and climb (preferably bear crawl) until your feet are where your hands started. Perform 2 Merkins and repeat adding one Merkin for every level you go up until you reach the pinnacle. There were 19 bleacher benches, thus 190 merkins.

    The FNG methodically pulled away from the PAX seemingly not breaking a sweat. Lil’ Cuz was right on his tail. Everyone fought through the insanity of this one. I think I heard Cuz say something like, “Every champion was once a contender who refused to give up.”

    Transport: Mosey to softball fields, picking bricks up along the way – Song: “I Know You Want Me” by Peetbool

    —————————————————————————————————————-
    Thang 3: Birds of a Feather (or heatstroke)

    Trivia #3: I’m a 3X NBA champion, 3X NBA MVP in three consecutive years, 12X all-star, I went to Indiana State and in 1979, we lost the national championship, which was the first meeting of many between me and Magic Johnson. Who am I? (Larry Bird) Who did I play for? (Celtics) What was my number? (33)

    The FNG got this one right out the gates and saved the PAX from burpees. And the fact that YC forgot about them altogether.

    Also, earlier at the end of Warmarama, Paradox revealed that he was wearing our ‘ol girl, GiGi. However, it was at this point that he revealed one of his greatest moments. He dropped his shorts to reveal 3” inseam shorts, black with pink piping. The beatdown nearly derailed. I was sure that our FNG would say. “Welp, I’m outta here,” but no, but Paradox said, “If I can change and you can change, everybody can change.” Or maybe he said, “If he dies, he dies.” I have no idea…I couldn’t stop looking at the shorts.

    Webbicides

    If you’ve ever been part of a basketball practice, you most likely finished with free throws and team sprints for every miss. We didn’t do any free throws, but we did do 80 yard suicides (10 yard increments). A standard suicide but instead of touching each line the pax does an increasing number of Bobby Hurleys at each line. Run to the first line, do one BH, run back to start, run to the next line, do two BH’s, and so on until you get to 8.

    This one was a beast as well and took longer than YHC had planned. There were supposed to be two rounds, but after a continuous seven minute suicide, YHC had to move on. Paradiddle showed that endurance that only comes with 7 point strains while the rest of us are posting 14+ (it’s a Whoop thing, you wouldn’t understand).

    ———————————————————————————————————————
    Thang 4: The ‘Ol Coach Got Balls

    In this last exercise, YHC shared some items from his personal life…

    You see, YHC moved to Florida with his Dad when he was in elementary school. He happened to play little league with Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis. In fact, we were born two weeks apart. You could say we’ve been on similar life tracks.

    For example,

    – He’s a graduate of Yale where he was the captain of a Division I baseball team. I sometimes started for a D3 team that won 4 games. So, same.

    – Then got his law degree from Harvard. Big deal…I went to Lynchburg, Va and taught Spanish grammar to 9th graders and coached JV soccer. Same again.

    – He then was a commissioned officer in the Navy. Big whoop…during the same time, I ran a half marathon. Same, same, same.

    – He was elected to the House of Representatives and then Governor of Florida. Child’s play…during the same time, I qualified for a high interest loan to finance my truck. It’s like we’re the same person.

    – He recently announced his bid to run for President of the United States. Me? Well, I traded in that truck for a minivan and then tried to kill it by driving it into a concrete crevasse. Also, Poor guy. He must have fallen in with a bad crowd.

    Butttt…that’s not the Thang….

    One of those years, maybe 7th grade, Gov Ron and I played on the same little league team. On the first day of practice, we gathered in the parking lot outside of the Dunedin National Little League fields. We all sat down. Coach was wearing the good ‘ol polyester short short coaching shorts. They were short. Coach squatted down. As a 12 year old, I wasn’t sure what was happening, but polyester, the amazing apparel innovation that it is, can only hold so much and well…one ball slooowlyyy popped out the side. We were silent. He was silent. We were silent. He stood up and rearranged himself. We moved on.

    So, we will move on too… but not before always checking ourselves a few times to make sure all baggage is properly stored in the above compartment.

    The ‘Ol Triple check

    Teams of three. First man holds in freestyle peoples chair (knees together in seat position, no wall), arms straight up, second man in front of him doing Bonnies Blair’s, third man sprints 80 yards and back with bricks, rinse and repeat until time. We aimed for nine runs…each man cycling through three times. We succeeded, finishing by 7:29:58. The men REALLY pushed themselves here, especially on the brick sprints. In fact, it seemed like they were only getting faster.

    COT, GiGi was bestowed upon the Diddle. Our FNG was named.

    Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.

    Safe travels to everyone this weekend.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • The Greatest Kickballer Among Us – from Lil Cuz

    YHC found himself following two F3 Thib Legends into the Peltch this humid June Morning. The need for a fun Saturday was felt through all and as I drove up it seemed we finally had enough people on a Saturday to play America’s favorite Past Time, that’s right KICKBALL!!! Who didn’t have dreams of blasting one straight over the outfield and running the bases staring at your middle school crush as you round third hoping for the game winning kick celebration kiss? Just me…alrighty then. Moving on…

    Today is June 24th which is the feast of John the Baptist, who was called by Jesus Himself, “Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist”. (Matthew 11:11 for those interested in reading more) So before we played a rousing game of kickball we had to rise to the occasion and chase after the G.O.A.T himself.

    Thang 1:
    Cindy Crawford – this was to get our whole body in the best shape it can be, which of course is bikini body ready. It’s beach vacation time after all.
    AMRAP:
    – 5 Pull Ups
    – 10 Merkins
    – 15 Squats
    – 20 LBC’s
    – 25 Toe Raises
    This lasted 15 minutes and TONS of mumble chatter later everyone realized they can do WAY more pull ups than they thought before we started. T-Claps all around!

    Thang 2:
    Coach Burpee – YHC has been coaching his oldest 2.0’s baseball team and it has taught me more patience and made me realize we are viewed outside of our homes sometimes more than in it and a good coach can get even the most un-motivated player to do things neither thought they could do.

    Pax split into teams of 3 or 4 due to number of Pax at Peltch today.
    – P1 does Burpees
    – P2 yells encouragements to keep going
    – P3 runs ¼ mile
    – P1 switches to P2, P2 switches to P3, P3 switches to P1.

    This originally was supposed to be until all Pax had completed a mile, but due to unfortunate time constraints this was changed to ½ mile and not at all due to everyone being gassed from hitting, by my latest estimate, 275 burpees in 15 minutes. It was awesome to hear yells of encouragement coming from all coaches and I know a bunch of Pax hit numbers of burpees they did not think they would hit prior to starting. T-Claps all around!

    Thang 3:

    KickBall Game:
    Split into 2 teams. Buy in is 5 Squats or 5 LBC’s. No one chose LBC’s which was expected or because no one heard me say this and just kept with squats. The world may never know.
    When kicking, you can kick normally and all defense has to do 2 merkins before they can play the ball.

    Can choose to do a trick kick (ex: kick backwards, kick behind back, left foot), if this is chosen then defense must do 5 merkins before playing the ball.

    When running the bases: normal kick – bear crawl to base. Trick kick – lunge walk to base. This was changed to run after the first inning to get some runs in.

    True colors truly came out in this game. We had quitters whose team never let him live it down and to this day is known as “Quitter-Mcgee”. Strange world we live in when guys who can’t show up on time start pegging 2.0’s with dodgeballs as they run the bases. After the mayhem Team 1 had to show Team 2 a lesson for hitting innocent 2.0’s and loaded up the bases with said 2.0’s. Then threw out the big guns in Smooth who absolutely crushed the ball with his left foot and brought all 2.0’s in for a score with the biggest hit single in kickball history! Truly awe-inspiring stuff!

    There were no cute girls to wink at while rounding third, just Enron dripping sweat and cheering on his team and Dox asking for the ump, who could not be found. I think we made John the Baptist proud despite all of this but he is still the G.O.A.T. Thanks for pushing hard today fellas!

    SYITG,
    Lil Cuz’

  • The Happiest Animal in the World – from Paradiddle

    After getting the initial nerves out of the system from his VQ, YHC was determined to have a bit more fun with his second Q. He was feeling free, and after seeing the hustle of the pax from May’s ISI challenge, he knew everyone could dig a bit deeper than they give themselves credit for.

    YHC has recently been inspired by the mustache’d man from Kansas who found himself coaching the struggling AFC Richmond UK football team. Now, let no one be fooled, YHC knows next to nothing about football (and US football), but Ted Lasso has been a source of inspiration and joy. The “Lasso Way” is a controversial way that Ted coaches the team by seeking to help the players grow both on and off the field. One immediately sees the growth of certain characters, such as Roy Kent and Jamie Tart, who both go from egotistical bad mama jama’s to virtuous men and best friends. It’s not frequent that you see truly good men on television. But Ted Lasso illuminates the goodness in each of these men as they truly are the iron that sharpens each other. This would be YHC’s inspiration for the beatdown.

    YHC woke early, left on time, and even managed to pick up a fun old sorta new guy, Goldlocks, for the beatdown. Arriving ten minutes early, YHC found Smooth awake from his post-work slumber, Enron fishing for hints on what the beatdown might be, and Wet Tap, who came in clutch with the perfect dry erase board needed for the exercises (YHC was going to resort to cardboard and a sharpie). After preparing the board, YHC did his own pre-thang (not by choice) to deliver the goods to the ED White track, which was under construction, but YHC might have completely missed that due to his extra excitement for the morning (the introvert was feeling extroverted this morning).

    Returning to the Pelch, YHC found the rest of the pax assembled, mumble chatter was strong, and debates of who was on “the Diddle List” filled the air. Warmup consisted of the usual SSH, some thing I can’t remember, arm circles, pickers, mtn climbers, and high knees. YHC still has a good bit of learning to do, as every exercise started with a different variation of “Exercise, ready, move, in cadence, exercise…start.” We’ll get the kinks worked out soon.

    The pax moseyed the stadium where one set of stadiums were part of an extended warmup. Goose and Goldilocks were excited for the fresh challenge, while YJ held down the back of the train, his chatter weighing him down (the complaining kept a grin on YHC’s face).

    THANG 1
    YHC gathered the pax on the track where he asked an important question – What is the happiest animal in the world? A goldfish. Why? Well, because they have a 10second memory. (All information comes purely from YHC watching Ted Lasso and not actual research) YHC then, in his own introverted super brief storytelling way, tried to explain to the pax how Roy helps Jamie to grow as a soccer player by consistency showing up at his house everyday at 4am for them to run together. The pax both knew and feared where this was going. YHC revealed the board of doom with thang 1 bulleted.

    AMRAP – 25min
    – 1/4 mile run (1 lap around the track)
    – 15 declined push ups
    – 10 Mountain Climbers (2 is 1)
    – 10 Groiner w/ Flying V
    – 10 Peter Parker’s
    – 10 V Up’s
    – 10 Bonnie Blair’s
    – 10 Step Up’s

    Due to the field being cleared of benches, YHC nixed the step up’s and everyone began. The pax only made it 1.5 times through the list before a real life Colossus XXL (Cars 2, people) made its way on to the track. YHC called an audible and with the help of Goose, relocated inside the Peltch. The pax grinded out what must have been 5-7 laps of the exercise (most of it while being serenaded by MC Hammer’s 2 Legit 2 Quit – DJ Dox must have really liked that one). 25 solid minutes of Zone 4 by every pax. The shirts were off, the sweat was pouring, Dox’s back had more grass stuck to it than a farm growing St. Aug. Smooth’s classic “next” moved us to our next activity.

    THANG 2
    Burpee Sprints
    To keep with tradition, burpee sprints are typically 10 burpees followed by sprinting the length of a football field (100 burps & 10 fields total). If only we had a football field… YHC picked the tree that resided behind the Dawson house for YJ’s Christmas Classic as the end of the field. The pax took off, and soon YHC realized, not for the sake of the pax, but for the sake of time, that a full set of burpee sprints wouldn’t be possible. Audible two was called and we counted down each set (10, 9, 8, etc til 1). A few chirps from Lil’ Cuz during the runs made YHC smile, but otherwise the pax were a silent bunch this morning for some reason. Oh no! What’s that? Is it a rustling in the distance?! No – it’s Yankee, on his six in pain. His back struck again (we really need to get Heath on speed dial – YHC is sorry for your back, and I really hope it gets better soon). The pax finished strong – at least five shirts off, and we finished as a team. The F3 motto “Leave no man behind, but leave no man where you find him” rang true on this hot Saturday morning.

    We moseyed back to the flag and for a 40 second round of Mary we each breathed independently. It was needed. Name-o-rama and Tana prayed us out (I think).

    What a morning. I’m constantly inspired by a group of men that don’t complain, always push harder, and who are growing stronger every beatdown. I know that just the last two months have pushed me harder and made me stronger than I have probably ever been. It is because of the accountability of showing up and walking next to this group of men who pray and play together. You each put in the work. You each push past the point of comfort for the betterment of yourselves and your families. We do this for more than ourselves. The pain is temporary – go one more.

    – Diddle

  • Life is Hard Sometimes – from Goose

    YHC rolled up in a quiet, lonely truck, happy at least to see a few 2.0’s milling around since Pope and Coyote are still tromping around the mountains of NC for a few more weeks. It was YHC’s birthday Q, and the PAX graciously welcomed me, though with some obvious fear behind their well-wishing eyes. The quiet warmup added to the evidence that these fellas were wary of what was to come–we even had Dox and YJ in the mix, and the chatter was minimal. (Maybe it was the 41 IC SSH, but you had to see that coming.)

    Half the PAX grabbed coupons, and Wet Tap’s patience was tested as he was told to grab one; wait no, don’t; wait we need one more; wait that one’s extra; wait…ok, just run…for now.

    Once we arrived at the lower field, JBL was fired up, and YouTube was required for the first song, Garth Brooks’s “Calling Baton Rouge” since all of his songs are in some kind of digital fortress vault. YHC was born and raised in Baton Rouge. That’s it. That’s why we did it. Plank for the duration and merkins on every “Baton Rouge”. It’s not a long song, so it was pretty much just a warmup for the real Thang since YHC’s pecs haven’t seen much action in the past few months.

    We partnered up for a Dora 1, 2, 3 that reflected YHC’s elementary, high school, and college career. And, this is when we realized we didn’t have enough coupons, so YHC, YJ and Tap argued about who would run back and get one. Tap insisted to the point of being willing to sprint ahead of YHC, but once he was almost there, YJ pointed out that we actually had enough already. So, he was called back. But, then, YHC realized that we actually didn’t have enough because we had a throuple, so I turned to send him back, but thankfully, in his wisdom, Tap had already grabbed it–he was clearly done relying on the collective intelligence of YJ and YHC.

    Goose-life Dora: Partners split duty on 100 kettle bell swings (high school discus champ), 200 Bobby Hurleys (high school basketball non-champ), and 300 coupon rows (LSU rowing team). While Partner 1 cranked on those, Partner 2 gator-merkin crawled (elementary school mascot) 10 yards, did 10 Peter Parkers (original LSU Spiderman–Google it), and ran back. YHC knew this would be tough, that those gator merkins would be ridiculous, and they were. About halfway through, YHC was tempted to switch it to bear crawls or something, but why? Yes, there is a balance the Q must walk between pushing past the PAX’s felt limitations and asking them to do what’s not actually possible or at least practical. YHC felt that tension this morning, but each length, though really hard, was short and ultimately doable. It took everything we had, but the PAX kept going, so no need to modify. We would make memories instead…or maybe cause memory loss.

    After a few 10-counts, we moseyed to the grass next to the Thunderdome for another song reflective of YHC’s time in seminary and working for the Church. These experiences taught YHC that the faith journey doesn’t happen in the world of ideas but in the very real battle and painful mess that is our human experience. And, God is not a senile grandfather living in some far-off heaven whom we have to placate so he might throw us a bone every now and then. He is deeply involved in the mess, and the challenges of life only make sense if we follow His lead, trust in His wisdom, and let him carry us through the battles (interior and exterior). He hasn’t let YHC down, not once, through all the peaks and valleys of his journey.
    The song was “Lord of Hosts” by Shane and Shane, an intense tribute to these truths–Al Gore for the duration (5 minutes) and genuflections on every “God” and “Lord”. Quads were definitely making themselves known at this point.

    Next, YHC shared some details about being led to leave seminary and meet his would be wife, whom he ended up marrying on 9-8-07. In honor of this interesting date, we did The Motivator, counting down from 9. It was interesting to see that the PAX was, at this point, starting to just surrender to what came next–no chatter, just dead eyes and moving into position. Not a bad development.
    YJ mentioned right before this that this was the one-year anniversary of his puke-filled come-back, and YHC wondered if he might be able to force a repeat. He got my hopes up when he peeled off around round 7 and jogged with some urgency to the bathroom, but according to him, it was just for coffee induced urination. Shame.

    Lastly, to honor YHC’s nine kids, each partner did two sets of 35 curls, totaling 70 (the added ages of all 9 kids) honoring the constant picking up of babies. While Partner 1 did curls, Partner 2 did step-ups on the bleachers. 9 kids may seem like a lot, and yes, sometimes it’s beautiful, and sometimes it’s hard; sometimes the time seems to fly, and at other times it seems to creep. But, regardless of how it feels, if we just keep taking one step at a time, just keep showing up and choosing to love these kiddos despite the constantly changing feelings and circumstances, it is an overwhelming, incredible gift that YHC certainly does not deserve.

    We moseyed back to the flag, coupons in tow, and Smooth prayed us out with his simple, yet sincere style.
    Many T-claps and thanks to YJ for bringing a solid birthday coffeeteria, complete with donuts. And, French Horn kept our spirits high with fun facts about his favorite cults.

    YHC is overwhelmed with gratitude for having been blessed with 41 years of a life filled with awesome gifts, and though it’s not been free of challenges, YHC has learned that it’s usually through major challenges that the greatest gifts are made possible. F3 has proven this truth over and over in a very concrete way, and I am extremely grateful that you men have been willing to join me on this journey, especially through this morning’s snot woggle (official F3 term: https://f3nation.com/lexicon/entry/2728/gvid=398600&pagenum=23).

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • We are the Messengers – from Lil Cuz

    YHC realized very late on a Friday afternoon that most of the big hitters and even some bench warmers (I’ll let you guys sort out who is who) were out of pocket or out of town for the weekend. This led to YHC, “the Replacement” , to be called up to the big show. With that said all previous plans needed to be chucked out and the drawing board needed some dusting at a very late hour.

    Now, we are all aware that June has started and we are all very aware of what is celebrated in June. Correct! It is the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. We celebrate this the whole month and I for one am thankful for it! This was started a very long time ago but was re-ignited by Pope St. John Paul II as part of the “New Evangelization”.

    Usual warmup with French Horn showing much earlier than ever before, he made it to 78% of the warm up which honestly is so impressive! We made sure to hit the leg stretch hard because of the death caused by Goose on Thursday. I heard it was a real tear jerker!

    Because Dox is on a very well timed vacation we are gonna throw up the deuces and ask the Lord, “Roll that footage!”

    In Honor of the Sacred Heart of Jesus we are reminded of the mission given to us by our Creator; Jesus sent out his Apostles 2×2 and they had to work together to figure out the best way to accomplish the goal given to them. We are called to a very similar vocation and a slow mosey around the blacktop of the Peltch was in order to reach the far off land called, The Chimney, to spread the Word of God.

    Thang 1:
    Split into teams of 2 and the usual Dora had commenced.
    100 Merkins, 200 Squats, 300 LBC’s with Mosey to sidewalk behind Chimney.

    The feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus dates back to 1673, when a French nun who belonged to the Order of the Visitation of Holy Mary, in eastern France began to receive visions about the Sacred Heart. Jesus appeared to Sister Margaret Mary Alocoque and revealed ways to venerate His Sacred Heart and explained his immense love He has for humanity, appearing with his heart visible outside his chest, on fire and surrounded by a crown of thorns. We honored the year of the divine revelation of His Sacred Heart with:

    Thang 2:
    16 – Carolina Dry Docks
    Bear Crawl – 10 yds
    73 – Freddie Mercs (2:1)
    Bear Crawl Back – 10yds

    This was done in 3 sets and a larger amount of groaning as each set was started. With our Hearts (read: Abs) on Fire we had to continue our travels and spread our message of Salvation.

    Thang 3:
    Indian Run through Park with last guy dropping off for 5 Bonnie Blairs (2:1).

    As late laid out plans usually go we had 20 minutes left to spare and all Pax decided to run another mile around the Peltch (I guess they really wanted to Evangelize some more).

    10 MOM Potluck Style and an end of BBSU to the final buzzer.

    Sometimes on this road of following the Lord we may lose one of our brothers along the way as he stumbles but by keeping on the path ourselves we can bring them back and hope to make leaders out of each other. This is what we are called to do. We are messengers and as we learn we become leaders in our communities. I know I have said it before but I am so thankful for this group of men and so very happy to call you all brothers. You help me when I fall and I hope to someday be the same for you. Someone to count on and help when called.

    SYITG,
    Lil’ Cuz

  • F4 by Pope – from Goose

    If YHC learned anything today, it is that improv is an essential skill in many different scenarios in life; F3 is certainly no exception.
    First, there were the signs… very oddly placed STADIUM CLOSED signs contradicting the wide-open gates from which they hung. And the padlock on the gates behind the goalpost, also open.
    YHC began to worry, since a major part of the thang consisted of material requiring hash marks, then relaxed a bit when Cardinal showed up.
    Then Cardinal dropped the bomb on YHC that the stadium was actually closed this time.
    Not only that, but the field beside Bayou Road was dominated by peewee baseball fence.
    YHC also learned (and please store this in your memory—could come in handy if you get into a similar pickle) that the Chimney is a very versatile backup location.
    YHC began the beatdown revolving around the sport that Yankee Joe had yet to theme—not futbol, not America’s mere pastime of baseball, but America’s sport—with the usual warmups (SSH, windmills, SL, etc.) and debuted A-skips to the warmup arsenal.
    After completing windmills, the gloom was pierced by Paradox’s cry of “Keep it midnight!” and on that somewhat foreboding cue, Dox, Lil Cuz, Piccadilly and Enron pulled off their shirts and blinded the bewildered PAX with neon shirts with the sleeves apparently cut and/or torn off, decorated by the stenciled abbreviation TLM along with the wearer’s name on the back. Dox outdid himself when he and his neon minions donned similarly colored headbands stenciled with #KIP. YHC overcame the shock with great struggle and continued warmups…
    The PAX moseyed to the Chimney and very easily separated into teams: the Midnight Owls (and Enron’s 2.0 FNG Harrison) against all—YHC, Goose, Cardinal, French Horn and Coyote. YHC determined the boundaries and initiated a game of football—football according to Tom Cruise and the Top Gun: Maverick crew. This version of the game (first of all, was originally planned for the Bayou Rd. field) consisted of two footballs, two quarterbacks on the field at one time, and all PAX playing offense and defense at the same time.
    The balls were placed after each play on the spot where the ballcarrier who had gained more yards was stopped, and according to which side of the field in which the line of scrimmage was, the team defending it did 5 8-ct body-builders while the opposing team performed 5 big boys (YHC thinks he should have stressed the need to keep track of May Challenge exercises a good bit more; if you haven’t already calculated that, have fun). If a team scored, they were assigned 10 star-jumps, with the defeated, shamed defense doing 10 burpees. In the case of both teams scoring, all PAX did 25 merkins.
    Ultimately, the neon-green dark of midnight was overcome by Team Morning Light by a score of 6-4. Highlight of the game: YHC dropped back to pass and noticed Piccadilly sprinting up the field with their ball. YHC rolled to the right and tagged Dilly with his left hand and the ball, then turned on the jets and ran beyond the line of scrimmage. YHC planted his foot and cut right to avoid Paradox, then lateralled to Goose—a pass that fell far behind Goose, who couldn’t even touch it as it fell to the ground and was recovered by Enron. YHC then decided to be a jerk and call the game. Hey, it was five minutes past the previously determined end time anyway!
    Knowing that most of the PAX hadn’t thrown a ball yet today and had untested throwing arms, YHC circled up the PAX and began a game of throw-&-catch, during which one would catch the oncoming ball, pass it to another PAX, then drop for a couple of burpees—three if he dropped the pass and picked it up to throw it.
    Next Goose and Coyote fell back from the PAX and waited for the first two contestants of the longest-throw elimination-style contest. Two PAX attempted to throw the football farther than the other, the winner choosing a May Challenge exercise and the number of reps to do while the loser did 15 merkins and 15 big boys (yet another accidental complication in the tracking of reps). YHC was victorious in the cannon-arm contest. Next the PAX competed for the longest punt, the contest consisting of the same mechanics. However, having witnessed Goose’s thunderous punts while returning thrown balls to the PAX, the competition was really for second place, a title won by Piccadilly.
    Returning to the flag with the rest of the PAX, YHC observed the unfortunate fact that most of the time spent at the Chimney was spent standing around, either in the huddle or waiting for one’s turn to throw/punt. With that in mind, YHC was determined to add the initially aimed-for grind of the beatdown via Mary. After leading the PAX in the previously debuted Down for the Count, Mary consisted of penguins, WWI sit-ups (which were apparently new to the long-absent Cardinal), Dr. Ws and Freddy Mercuries.
    YHC had the original draft of the beatdown written out in early May and figured that all would go according to the anticipated plan. However, much was overturned, and YHC is just glad that rules are made to be broken and that YHC didn’t focus very hard on the beatdown’s every detail, as he usually does.
    SYITG,
    Pope