Some things you never get too old for. On the morning of March 4, YHC showed the PAX that grown men can run around (a lot) and play like the young men they once were. YHC showed up at the Peltch with a bag-o-flags filled with a limited amount of belt flags… the more PAX showed up, the more uncertain YHC became. YHC probably did more head counts in five minutes than he ever did in one day (impressive considering the amount of potential 2.0s at YHC’s home).
We began with the usual warmup routine (SSH, imperial walkers, windmills, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, cherry pickers) and headed to the EDW field. There, YHC distributed the belt flags which, thankfully, were distributed among all the PAX (Sonic and FNG each used one). We then split into teams and stationed at opposite goal lines for F3 Braveheart.
To begin the first round, all PAX bear-crawled to the 20-yard line, then stood up and began the battle. Enemy PAX attempted to pull off their opponent’s flags (PAX had two flags; two lives) until one team is utterly vanquished. When a PAX was slain, he would drop and hold plank until the end of the round. The second round began at the 30-yard line with defeated PAX holding Al Gore. Finally, with the adrenaline of battle pumping through the veins, the third round resolved—every man for himself. YHC and FNG tied for winner because of unclear regulations concerning if someone went out of bounds. (Note: none of the rounds ended with any prize for the winning team, but no one asked…so…)
The next thang involved a choice made by each PAX individually: 7 burpees at the start and halfway point of the entire track with sprints in between, or 20 Catalina Wine Mixers and a full-track sprint. Preference differed among the PAX. The second round, however, was an easy choice for most: 25 burpees and a full-track “sprint”, or 15 merkins at each corner, with lunge-walks for the straights and jogging on the curves (this obvious choice was YHC’s way of weeding out those who were NOT good candidates for the next ANIMAL). YHC, Goats in the Machine, Smooth Operator, and two of the four 2.0s chose the lunge-walk. Goats and the 2.0s switched choices a quarter of the way through… YHC was determined to finish when, two-thirds of the way through, Goose decided to catch the “ill-choosing” 6. We began to regroup and prepared to mosey, when we noticed Smooth still hammering out his third set of merkins! We picked him up and moseyed to the lower field with a pretty clear idea of our next ANIMAL.
At the field Goose and YHC set up a small field about 30 yards long and initiated a game of PAX-&-Minnows. Goose started as the voluntary first shark and took his position at one end line while the rest of the PAX lined up on the other end. Throughout the two games played, the sharks began each round with two burpees with the minnows completing four merkins, then the minnows tried to make it safely to the other end line without being devoured (tagged) by a shark. Wounded (tagged) minnows dropped and performed LBCs until the round was over, while successful minnows did 10 star jumps in celebration of their survival. Coyote was the last man (well, person) standing at the end of the first game, and Lil’ Cuz remained after the second game.
Back at the flag, Mary was performed in potluck fashion, with Coyote initiating box cutters and Lil’ Cuz calling leg lifts. Smooth was eager to lead us in burpees, and YHC reluctantly trumped with crunchy frogs. In COT our FNG, 2.0 of Superfun(d), was dubbed Superfas(t), reflecting his self-proclaimed performance in Braveheart and adding to our list of tee-tiny 2.0s. And of course, Smooth Operator left that morning with the well-deserved title of ANIMAL.
SYITG, Pope
Tag: The Peltch
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Kill or Be Killed (by Pope) – from Goose
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Ha-quartermile-matata – from Goose
It was a frigid morning as YHC pulled in much earlier than normal due to a lack of 2.0’s and the need to place a marker board by the track without being seen. I didn’t want the PAX to see it before it was time–no need to ruin a beautiful morning sooner than necessary. YHC expected to sit in a warm truck for at least a few minutes before Paradox would inevitably break the solitude with the beginnings of a solid hour of chatter. But, not this morning–Smooth Operator pulled in just a few seconds behind YHC with two young 2.0’s in a blanketed wagon. Jack Be Nimble and Tractor jumped out into the frigid morning ready to rock, showing the same joyful readiness as big Smooth. As more PAX rolled in (including Major Brat!), there was still no sign of Paradox, and YHC began to wonder if he had slipped in an announcement of being out of town at the end of Thursday’s beatdown (brain function tends to leak out with the steam coming off YHC’s head). But, he pulled in with two minutes to spare and Enron right behind him looking like he wanted to fight–Enron was smiling, but road rage was in his eyes as it seemed the usual competitive jostling had started on the way to the beatdown.
The much needed warmup began with the usuals plus some Willie Mays Hayes for the cold, tight lower backs. Then, we moseyed to the track/field to reveal contents of the board. The Quarter Mile Ladder was the title under which was written a list of exercises. At first, the PAX thought we’d have an enjoyable opportunity to log some miles and some quality time, assuming that we were going to be doing one exercise at a time with a leisurely lap between each. Wouldn’t that be nice. For our wives.
No, that’s not how a ladder works. We’d start with the first exercise, 5 burpees, followed by a lap (quarter mile), then add the next, so 5 burpees and 10 merkins, followed by a lap. Then, 5 burpees, 10 merkins, and 15 lunges (2:1) followed by a lap, ultimately working our way up to 10 total exercises followed by a tenth lap. Here’s the list:
5 burpees
10 merkins
15 lunges (2:1)
20 mountain climbers (2:1)
25 Freddy Mercs
30 squats
35 Peter Parkers (1:1)
40 Big Boy Situps
45 Side Straddle Hops
50 Shoulder Taps (1:1)When YHC saw Paradiddle pull in (on Bourg time), I knew this one would be right up his alley, so I was happy to sidle up next to him on the first lap and stay in pace for the duration. Running seems as easy as breathing for him, so YHC knew I’d be pushed but also be distracted from the drudgery by some solid conversation. It was clear that many of the PAX had entered a dark place after the first lap or so, so YHC suggested pacing with a partner, which seemed to give a few guys a shot in the arm. But, nothing could’ve boosted the morale more effectively than a spontaneous serenade from Tractor. Smooth had been hauling the two boys around the track in the luxury wagon for about 30 minutes to a constant stream of encouraging/shaming shouts of “Come on, Dad! You can do it! Push harder! COME ON! You’re taking forever! What’s wrong with you?” And, while waiting for super-dad to finish his Peter Parkers, Tractor started belting out “Hakuna Matata” (or something close enough to that), and the cute innocence combined with the irony of hearing a bunch of grown men singing along, “it means no worries…” as they fought for breath and poured their sweat (and blood–Paradox) into the track, deeply dreading the next lap, couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. It was incredible, and it likely kept a number of the guys from spiraling into a deep, dark solitude.
YHC was initially worried about finishing too early, but instead found that I was yearning for 7:30 to provide sweet relief. It seemed, however, that the ladder was crafted a little too perfectly, and YHC rolled into the last turn with nothing left in the tank and seconds left on the clock. The rest of the PAX came flying in and collapsed, breathless but grateful to have finished what looked at first to be an extremely unattractive exercise routine.The brotherhood, as we slow moseyed back to the flag carrying layers of clothing, was deeply felt, wrought by a unique experience of mutual suffering on a cold but beautiful morning. Providentially, this was also the morning Yankee Joe thought to bring the fixings of a solid coffeeteria, so we were gratefully able to remain in it for a while after COT. Even YHC partook of the enslaving brew, raising an insulated cup to this awesome fraternity forged in the fires of pain, humility, gratitude, and accomplishment.
Announcements included some ideas for an amazing Northshore convergence in April–stay tuned for more details, but we’re definitely gonna clown car up there for it if the date works.
Thanks, again, for the push and the camaraderie this morning, fellas!
SYITG,
Goose -
Super Bowl Pair-a-Dice (by Pope) – from Goose
It’s Super Bowl weekend, and YHC was ready to rock, both at the flag this morning and in front of the TV later.
After warmups, YHC introduced something he devised called “Down for the Count”, where the PAX did merkins in cadence and held Mission Impossible plank after the final rep, holding while counting around the circle in a Ring of Fire fashion, followed by the same thing with squats (holding Al Gore) and leg lifts (six-inch hold).
Next we headed to the Thunderdome for what YHC dubs “Paradise & Pair-a-Dice”. YHC hit up JBL, who told us what he would do “If I had $1,000,000” (8-count BB on “If I had $1,000,000” with SSH/Imperial walkers in between) before rocking “Gangsta’s Paradise” (penguins during verses, gas pumps during refrain).
When playing some role-playing games, dice with varying numbers of sides are often used to determine outcomes. Today was no different; the numbers rolled by the dice provided by YHC would decide between life and death for the PAX. Each PAX rolled three dice—a 4-side, a 20-side, and a 10-side (with numbers ranging from 10 to 100). The 4-side indicated the exercise (1: burpees, 2: 8-count BBs, 3: Catalina wine-mixers, 4: SSH) the 20-side gave us the reps for rolls of 1, 2 and 3, and the 10-side set the amount of SSH in the case of a 4 being rolled.
The PAX then moseyed to the ED White football field, where we split op into two 6-man (or kid) teams. The following game of F3 football brought out two things—the Dion Sanders in Paradox and the “bigger, stronger, fast-ish” in the rest of the Thibodaux PAX.
Prior to each down, the offense and defense did a set number of 8-count BBs (offense does 1, defense does 5 on 1st down, 2:3 on 2nd down, 3:2 on 3rd, 5:1 on 4th). The initial plan was for a scoring team to do 10 star jumps versus the defense’s 10 burpees, but 1) YHC forgot to mention it and 2) nobody scored. With interceptions by Yankee, Goats and Enron and a sack by Coyote, it was a defense-dominated game. Hmm… prelude to the Super Bowl? Perhaps. -
“What We Obtain too Cheap, We Esteem too Lightly” – from Yankee Joe
“Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” – Thomas Paine
Warmarama
– SSHs
– Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
– Knoxville cherry pickers
– Willy Mays Hayes
– Arm circles
– Air squats
– Mountain Climbers—————————————
Part 1: FreedomEarlier this week, my oldest daughter, Evelyn Grace (6 yrs old) came home with a kindergarten assignment to write two sentences with the prompt:
“In my opinion, freedom means…”
My wife and I were surprised by how difficult it was to explain the concept to her. Most likely because as a six year old, she only understands the dictatorship she currently is living under. But, like any warm blooded American Dad hypocrite, that got me thinking about my own opinion about the meaning of freedom. This beatdown/backblast represents my humble attempt to do just that.
On this day in 1789, George Washington was unanimously elected as first president of our great nation. I think my intention was to create a theme, any theme, but after some time, I was simply force feeding exercises into historical contexts. It was sloppy and disingenuous. It felt too important. I was stumped.
As I was abandoning the idea, I started thinking about our independence. I started thinking about what kind of desperate level of crazy it must have taken to, in presumably sound mind, collectively decide to take on the most powerful military (army and navy) power on earth.
Can you imagine the scene?!?
Ben Franklin (who was 70 at the time): “Let’s fight Britain.”
Thomas Jefferson: “Seriously, Ben, go back to sleep.”
(Sam Adams is off in the corner getting sloshed)
John Hancock: “Oooh, oooh, oooh…and we can sign something???”
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Mini Bootcamp Training– 20 Imperial Squat walkers
– 10 triple Merkin, triple jump burpees
– 10 P2J2s (8ct…2 plank jacks, 2 chillcut peter parker’s, 2 j-los 1:1, 2 pickle pounders = 1 rep)——————————————–
Part 2: Reality Sets InOf course, John Hancock would have that opportunity, and soon King George sent a 32,000 man expeditionary force to the colonies, including 30,000 Hessian mercenaries. Within a short time, the northern strongholds, including New Jersey and New York, had all been taken, and the British viewed the situation as an easily squashed uprising. Indeed, the original force of 23,000 Regulars under the command of Washington had dwindled by December 1776 to nearly 3,000 poorly trained, poorly provisioned men through desertions, disease, and expired enlistments.
It was all but over.
Washington, who had nothing like a stellar military record, was perhaps more importantly, an ingenious marketer and effective motivator. The consensus of his councils was that they desperately needed a victory or it would be over within weeks. In fact, the rest of the regular soldiers’ enlistments ended on December 31st.
At about the same time, another propaganda machine kicked into high gear. Thomas Paine, the author of Common Sense, wrote a letter to the public called the American Crisis. It, along with the small victories in early 1777, are credited with turning the tide of morale and public support of fighting for independence.
December 23, 1776
THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.
Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value.
Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.
Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to TAX) but “to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER” and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is impious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.
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The Thang:– P1 Chillcut peter parker’s (aim for 50); P2 block and bear to marker (30 yards), rifle carry back; flapjack
– P1 & P2 spiderman crawl to marker; crawl bear back
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– P1 J-Lo’s (aim for 50); P2 murderbunny to marker, redrum return; flapjack
– P1 & P2 sprint (one with coupon, other with bricks); flapjack————————————–
Part 3: We Must Go On?A couple of days later on Christmas night, Washington took 2,400 men at three launch points across the Delaware. The temperature was below freezing, and by 11 pm when the crossing began in earnest, a straight up blizzard began with wind chills with estimated subzero temperatures. It took eleven hours to cross and the mission was four hours behind schedule.
Washington later wrote, “…As I was certain there was no making a retreat without being discovered and harassed on repassing the River, I determined to push on at all Events.”
The Thang:
– P1 thrusters (aim for 25); P2 brick butterfly walk; flying brick nuns back; flapjack
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Part 4: One More MonthOn December 31st, 1776, only a week after the surprise attack and subsequent victory in Trenton over the Hessian force, Washington’s meager army was at the end of its enlistment period. The following day, the vast majority of his soldiers had the right to go home to their families and farms. However, Washington and his war council had deliberated for days following Trenton and had made the fateful decision to press whatever little advantage they add against the British forces. On that December 31st morning, Washington appealed to his troops:
“My brave fellows, you have done all I asked you to do, and more than can be reasonably expected; but your country is at stake, your wives, your houses and all that you hold dear. You have worn yourselves out with fatigues and hardships, but we know not how to spare you. If you will consent to stay one month longer, you will render that service to the cause of liberty, and to your country, which you probably can never do under any other circumstances.”
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The Last Thangs:Song: Run Away – The Real McCoys
– Hillbilly squat walkers, burpee on “run away”
– Approx. 40 burpeesSong: Jump Around – House of Pain
– Plank jacks, merkin on “jump”
– Approx. 40 merkinsSong: We Built This City – Starship
– Lbc’s, Freddie’s, hello Dolly’s, leg lifts, flutters, etc.
– V-ups on “we built this city”COT and the PAX excitedly welcomed MAFAT and Ponzi to the beautiful chaos. Goose prayed us out.
Let us always remember the multitude of blessings and freedoms we enjoy delivered to us by the multitude of sacrifices and hardships endured before us.
SYITG,
Yankee Joe -
No Mercy Struggle – from Lil Cuz
YHC woke up a little earlier with a little extra excitement, he had been called up to the Big Show, The Peltch. There was talk the night before of Spiderman getting into a blood feud with Cobra Kai and classic 80’s fade away to black with “Candle in the Wind” by Elton John playing in the background. YHC had other plans in mind.
You see, most of the Thibodaux Pax has started Exodus 90 and this has gotten YHC thinking about the struggle of life and how struggling is always easier with a big group of brothers surrounding you. The perfect song came to mind for a beatdown and the No Mercy Struggle was born.
Typical Warm-ups with a quickened cadence to prepare everyone and especially YHC for what we were about to undertake: SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles (FW and BW), Cherry Pickers, High Knees and Butt Kicks.
Thang 1:
Brother Isaiah – StrugglerCatalina Wine Mixer for duration of the song and Burpees for every “Struggle; Struggler; Struggling”. This proved to be a great start as this was way harder than anticipated and song was cut at the solo which saved the pax from my approximation of around 45 more burpees. Give or take.
Thang 2: No Mercy Mile
Pax begin at mid point of front stretch on a standard track.
Jog to turn 1
Bear crawl (1st and 3rd Round), Spiderman Crawl (2nd and 4th Round) to turn 2.
Jog to mid point on back stretch. Do 25 merkins.
Jog to turn 3
Lunge (1st and 3rd Round), Flying Nun(2nd and 4th Round) to turn 4.
Jog to starting point perform 25 squats.
Rinse & Repeat three more times.The Spiderman Crawls proved to be much harder than I had expected and the pax suffered through a half turn before YHC called back to bear crawl. Great job fellas! YHC did not have the heart to make the pax suffer through another go of it on the 4th round.
When complete we have bear crawled 400 yards, lunged 400 yards, performed 100 merkins and squats all while completing 1 mile.
Thang 3:
Brother Isaiah – FirelightMary Workouts for duration of song called out by YHC:
– Flutter Kicks
– Freddie Mercs
– Dolphin Hops – I can still hear the groans – Those were for you Dox. Get Better! Make sure to ask your wife for a scrip. Given she is a doctor and all .Word is so is your Mother in Law. Dude…how lucky are you!
– High Plank
– Low Plank
– LBC’s to end of the song.Mercy has come in a reminder in this song that we are made for something better:
You come in stillness, when I am helpless
And show me the love, the Lover who loves me in my brokenness
I’m just a poor child, but I’m a Father’s son
And in my weakness, I’m still your chosen one, yeah yeah
Such a mystery, but it’s my destinyCause I was made for glory, I was made for freedom
Called to be light and to live in a KingdomTo finish we did Potluck Mary while the baseball team looked ever so envious of our struggle and wanting to join the best FREE MEN’S WORKOUT around.
It was a complete Honor to struggle with you fellas this morning and I thank God everyday for the gift he has given me in you men.
SYITG,
Cuz -
“Yote Time”: written by Coyote – from Goose
Once we got there, the first thing YHC saw was the dreaded Montana Bun as it was swaying in the chill wind, with its little curl. I couldn’t take my eyes off until Paradox said, “What’s up Yote!” YHC replied, “Where’s the other doc?” and then started the warmups. We did the normal stuff such as Side-straddle-hops and Windmills and Imperial Walkers, but YHC did something special, some “Throw me something misters”, now, everybody liked that, but after a while we started an Indian run with the back person doing five bonnie blaires (2is1) and running to the front of the line all the way to the field. Then we started the fun stuff, we picked partners and YHC told a little story about a guy who was chased by a buffalo, so we set up cones and partner 1 sprinted to the first cone and got passed right when partner 2 sprinted after him as he started to bunny hop to the third cone. Red fish was YHC’s partner, so it was hard to catch him, but YHC got him down, and he had to do five burpees. Then we switched, and YHC got away with it, and Redfish had to do five buffalo kicks. Everybody did it again, and we all moseyed to the chimney and YHC told a story about a guy who purposely got bitten by an alligator snapping turtle, and we set up more cones in a zig-zag pattern, and we bear crawled to each cone. As Goose trampled the pax, we got to the cones and did shoulder taps and then karaoke ran to the cones and did burpees. Redfish and YHC were neck and neck for who would get there first, until he tripped on his own foot, and YHC got there first. After a while, we moseyed to the Thunderdome and did two rings of fire, one with LBC’s and elbow plank jacks to 75. And then we did this song that was a Gaelic song that was turned into a techno song, we did calf jumps to the beat during the refrain and squats during the verses. For four long minuets we jumped and squatted until the song ended and we flopped onto the ground, worn out to the bone. We moseyed to the tennis court and played tennis with a volleyball. While doing exercises, we hit the ball back and forth, every time a person would hit it, that person had to do a burpee, and every time a team got a point, the other team did 5 merkins. We moseyed back to the flag and did the alphabet, and after all 16 people did nameoff, counting 2 FNG’s, YHC went off to the side, and did cooldown exercises. Paradox and Enron didn’t want to leave me hanging, so they came over and did them with YHC, now we have this group called “Cooldowns with Yote”.
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What can Brown do for you? – from Wet Tap
What can Brown do for you?
After thorough deliberation and meditation on a reborn VQ, YHC listened to those muscles that were left out from previous beatdowns. These muscles craved lactic acid the way a man craves the last minute delivery of a forgotten present for Christmas. The one your wife hinted at for months and your brain reminds you on December 20th. As you track the package day by day wondering why it stays in Memphis for like 30 hours, despite a record snowstorm. YHC turned his reflection on those workers who like the PAX show up despite the rain, snow, heat and misery; in their own gloom. What better way to honor those real American heros than a UPS/Fedex/UPS inspired beatdown.
16 strong PAX trickled in to the Pelch on a glorious morning. A pre-thang sprint to the local track by Redfish checking for locked gates set the tone for the intensity that will soon follow. Speck and YHC moseyed over to the field to set the cones for the deliveries to soon arrive.
Warmarama:
Typical warmups with side staddle hops, Abe Vigodas ( fastest slow windmills ever), Arm Circles F/R, cherry pickers, high knees, butt kicks.Pre-thang:
A nice leisure Indian run with coupon carry of course. This lead to a silent mumble from the PAX. I say silent because the words didn’t come out just facial expressions had the look of confusion and dismay. I desperately tried to include the IHURT Bluetooth speaker, a collection of uplifting songs specially picked out by the 2.0’s. Unfortunately it was the only fartsack for the morning. In disapproval I chunked it much the way your USPS man rings your door and shotputs the package from 10 yards out. Never the less, the mosey began.
The mosey took up a quarter mile up and down the road alternating between shoulder and farm carry. Redfish took the final lead and brought us into the track. We all graciously dropped our coupon at the entrance of the track, except for Piccadilly.
Thang 1:
With the PAX toes on the football field goal line a division was formed. UPS on side one and FEDEX on the other hash.
Sprint to 5 yd line, NUR back. Sprint to 10 yd line, 1 Burpee, NUR back. Etc…. Burpees correlated with each 10 yrds ( 10yd=1, 20yd=2, 30yd=3, etc…) Thang 1 finishes when each pax NURS back from the 50. A clear win for team FEDEX. The overloaded 2.0 lead to a swift bunch of child labor clearing up all questions of why third world countries utilize this work force.
The next exercise idea was a combination of Jucifer IPA and an overwhelming need to pull things. Regardless of the PAX’s CO2 narcosis the understanding of how exactly this plays, a decent level of strain was achieved. Each man lined up 5 yds apart with a specific exercise. The other man sprints from the rear, dead man pulls him to the next man in line. Takes his exercise and the next man gets pulled. This would have lead to us inching across the field 5 yrds at a time. After enough time, YHC called it. It was time to mosey.Thang 2:
A short coupon carry back to the field where the cones awaited. Still in division, half the PAX on team UPS, other half FEDEX. Each cone 15 yds apart with a specific exercise listed. PAX were to complete the listed exercise from one cone to the next, coupons included. Each cone had “packages “ to be delivered to midfield. Obstacles always exist in each field of work. Today this obstacle were the 2.0’s Hungry and salivating sat the 2.0’s ready to defend their homes. The dogs! The PAX had to avoid the bite of these ferocious beasts, for a bite from one of those hounds resulted in 3 burpees.
1. Rifle carry lunges
2. GRR right
3. GRR left
4. Murder bunny
5. Bear crawl
Repeat back home.
The dogs showed no reserve and they seemed to multiply into a swarm of impenetrable defensive. Some PAX adapted to kamikazes, God bless these men.
Music:
Harry Nilsson releases a cult classic hit in 1971. “coconut”
None of the PAX knew this song, or at least claimed to know it. This further confirmed the YHC age.
Plank hold for duration of song, Merkin on coconut, mountain climber on doctor. Song lasted 3:50 resulting in 41 merkins.
Welcome vador and Boom, Major Bratt’s 2.0
COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out.
Wet tap#paradox #enron #fencepost #lilcuz #piccadilly #wilford montana #toeloop #major bratt #fire in the hole #yankee joe #redfish #speck
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After this 1st &10 YHC gives you the rest of the year off! – from Wiford Montana
YHC was ready to make a splash to close out the year thankful to be a part of F3 Thibodaux. This was my first Peltch que and after a quick consult with my Dr. (POOx) I was ready to launch into the workout. 11 guys showed up, 1 new guy in the mix but new no longer, Welcome Splinter to the PAX!
Warm up: all the usuals from a Tana warm up which means a total failure to launch and awkward silence and I ask myself why is no one counting… o wait that is suppose to be me. We were loose and ready now.
Indian Run: all the way around the peltch last man hits 5 meekins as JBL brought the straight smoke with hits from the 70’s
Ode to Anker: Lil Ed blues song
2 monkey humper on monkey
2 bunny hops on rabbit
1 good morning on lion.
*Spoiler alert: the monkey ends up eating the rabbit1st and a looong 10
Run to goal and then ladder to every yardage
10: man makers
20: burpees
30: merkins
40: Thrusters
50: Big boys
60: squats
70: plank jacks
80: seal jacks
90: ssh
100: fluttersWe met back at the 50 to do 50 press ups and curls till I called it. Special t claps to all who got covered in a fair bit of mud and I felt the power from doing this together at each 10. Great job PAX this one in conjunction with the mud was something I have not yet done, only due to the extreme bass and tones of JBL hitting the journey songs pushed us through. Dox and JBL had the prescription we all needed.
My last act in 2022 as YHC is to give the rest of the year off from F3 beatdowns!
COT and Enron prayed us out!
It’s been a year fellas glad to be here with each of you.
Tana -
The Goose Who Stole Paxmas: An Arc of Redemption – from Yankee Joe
To the Men of F3 Thibodaux,
There are no words to accurately describe my level of gratitude for each of you. Whether we’ve been together for one beatdown or 50, you have taught me something, and each something has been invaluable. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).
I know I speak for all of us that NO man makes this commitment with more force and humility than our very own Goose. He is an example, always constant in the storm as well as the gloom, reminding us why we’re doing this. Reminding us about what really matters.
I also know Goose would immediately say that ALL of us are worthy of the same praise. And I would agree. This is a very special group of men. You are Disciples of Christ, the spiritual leaders for your families. We often use the word, “humility” when describing our experiences together. There is a reason for this. We are, all of us, continually striving to “live third.”
In a past life when I was coaching high school baseball, I used to say that the scoreboard was a result, not the goal. Back then, it sounded so wise. Heck, I wasn’t much older than the teenagers to whom I was speaking. However, I am amazed how those words ring so very true for me today. I often forget that I am in the best shape of my life. It may have started as the goal, but it has become a casual byproduct of being blessed (truly blessed) to stand next to Men of honor, Men of substance, Men of God, Men like you.
Merry Christmas to each and each of you and your families.
May God grant us the courage to always strive to be third.
SYITG
Yankee Joe
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Warm-up 6:30 – 6:35
SSHs
Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
Arm circles
Squats
Imperial Squat Walkers
Self Love
Mosey with coupons to monkey bars with coupons, then drop by slidesTribute to Anker 6:35 – 6:42
0 – 1:00 ish – imperial walkers
1:00 – 1:45 ish – imperial squat walker
1:47 – 2:22 – SSH’s
2:23 – 3:00 – burpees
3:10 – 4:03 – elbow plank
4:04 – 5:28 – Bobby Hurleys
———————————————–Thang 1: Grinch Training Camp 6:45 – 7:00
(Narration #1)
Lazy Dora Style at the Monkey Bars
– P1 does Burp-ups x6
– P2 LBCs
– Flapjack
– Two setsMosey to hill
Roof Crawling
– P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 10 derkins; Crawl bear back over hill
– P2 flutter kicks
– Flapjack
– Jungle gym to slides, pick up coupons, head to Paxville
————————————————Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville 7:00 – 7:15
(Narration #2)House 1
– 3 sets
– P1 – WNW x10; P2 holds Al Gore’s
– Travel – Bears and BlocksHouse 2
– 3 sets
– P1 Thrusters x 20; P2 6 inch holds
– Travel – Murder bunniesHouse 3
– 3 sets
– P1 Manmakers x10; P2 Chilcutt Peter Parkers
– Travel – Lunges (no coupons)
———————————————–Thang 3: To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana 7:15 – 7:20
– P1 carries P2 piggie back (coupons stay by House 3)
– Flapjack at cones; 4 segments, 2 each per Pax
————————————————Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway 7:20 – 7:25
(Narration #3)
– Sprint back to Paxville
– Pax mosey to Flag and bring back to Paxville
– Goose returns presents to the PaxCOT; Cardinal prayed us out
Coffeeteria (courtesy of Mrs. Yankee Joe)
———————————————–
BEATDOWN SCRIPTNarration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!
Every Pax down in Paxville liked Christmas a lot
But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!The Goose hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. Only the Cardinal may know the reason.It could be because he hated the cold.
It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.But I think that the most likely reason of all
Was that his heart, like Paradox’s shorts, was two sizes too small.But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
He stood there on Christmas Eve ISI-ing just to spite us.He stared down from the Stage with a sour, head tilting view
At the warm lighted windows along the the Bayou.For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
Was busy posting obscure GIF’s, especially Yankee Joe.He thought of Paradox and his wife she’s a doctor by the way
He himself claims to be one too, riiight…can crazy come out to play?He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
And he shuddered at the cadence that he just ain’t bringin’.The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen.Wet Tap was doing goblet squats, cuz that’s what real men did
He never got the memo that the Jerfing had ended.He thought of Lil’ Cuz and that head beyond balding
He then felt his own head fuzz and well…it was something.He considered the Brat and his brother, O’SHEM
So close to yakking again and again.Superfun(d) working his crazy ass shifts;
Fence Post nailing boards in a line and thinks it’s a gift.The Grinchy Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
He loathed Picadilly’s balls and their subsequent pickles.Enron, he mused, seemed to be cursed
With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis he was constantly nursed.
But those are just the reasons, second and first
Ronnie also recruited Yankee Joe – aka EH Thibby Award for the worst.Speaking of Yankee and his posts we should block
Forget the emotion, and just keep the headlock.—————————————————–
Narration #2 The Looting of Paxville
“And they’re hanging their stockings,” Goose snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
At 40, you’re gonna have problems with plumbing.
Then he said, “I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!“For, tomorrow, I know that all the PAX men
Will wake bright and early and rush to their den.“And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts, posts posts!“And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! chatter!
And the more the Goose thought of this Pax Christmas Chatter,
The more the Goose thought,“Is it me or am I slowly getting fatter?”
“Why for forty years I’ve put up with it now!
I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, head tilting idea!“I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
“I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”“I’ll steal F3 Christmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
I’ll even find a way to tear down that ridiculous, disgraceful Whoop.”And he chuckled, and he honked,
“What a great Goosey trick!
With this TuesdayTuff Beatdown, I’ll look just like a prick!”
—————————————————-Narration #3 To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana
It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Tana
He ran like a wild man, he ran, ran, ranna
On some kind of drugs fueled by AstraZeneca manna.“Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!“They’re just waking up! I know just how they’ll show!
They’ll lazily hit snooze one time, maye mo’
And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to flo’
Then they’ll see there’s no Christmas, not even an AO.“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “that I simply must hear!”
He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
It started out slow, then it started to stomp.But this sound wasn’t sad!
Why, this sound sounded glad!What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
Well that’s Paradox’s favorite question, “Turn down for What?”Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
Was celebrating a Christmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
(2.0 ear muffs) After having nine kids, he has only himself to blame.And the Grinch, with his grinch feet paced to and fro,
Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
It came without backblasts, without gloves, or World Cup facts!”He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.Maybe F3 doesn’t come from just beatdowns or a good backblast word.
Maybe F3, perhaps, means more, like striving to live third!And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
That the Goose’s small heart grew three sizes that day!From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
Teaching where we stand next to God and community
Tho his comments on GroupMe are never OMG,
his words for the Pax are always simply IM3.Merry Christmas!
-
The Chatter Goose: A Lesson in Righteousness – from Yankee Joe
The important stuff first…
Major Brat (as always, thank you for your service) had mentioned that he had successfully recruited his brother. At 6:28, there was no sign of him. O brother, where art thou? However, the concern would be misplaced. At 6:29, the brotherly new guy rolled up with blue jeans, sweat pants, hoodie, and a look of skeptical curiosity further raised when the first people to approach him introduced themselves as Goose, Enron, and Yankee Joe. It was then acknowledged that Major had not really told his bro much about F3, which is the way it should be. The FNG would survive the day with undaunted fortitude, never bowing out, and most impressively, not yakking on the beautiful perennial rye grass. He would emerge at the end of the day, rebranded as O’SHEM.
———-
Today was a bit wonky. YHC’s original plan had to be scrapped (it will showcase next Saturday, 12/24) and plan B also ran into logistical challenges. So, at 6:22, as the Pax were arriving, YHC made some significant shifts. 8 Pax repped at the Peltch, which would be perfect for the partnering and teams needed for the morning. The idea was to create a second installment of Paradox’s Turkey Bowl. That…um… did not happen.
Instead, we would spend the first half of the morning in muscular failure and the second half running a short field Ultimate Burpball game. Or maybe it’s Ultimate Burpee Ball? Ball Burping? Ultimate Burping? Who knows…I’m sure Goose will be MORE than happy to tell you. MORE on that in a moment.
———-
But first, my dear and loyal reader, I want to discuss something of grave importance, and I want to be clear. There is a sickness settling over F3 Thibodaux. It is a sickness that targets Warmarama instructions and proper cadence execution. It burrows deep into the Pax psyche. It manifests itself in gruesome ways. The sickness is real, and I’ve cited the evidence below (Chicago style because the APA are a bunch of nerds).
For example, with arm circles, some can’t tell the difference between forward and backward (Paradox, 2022). Others don’t even know the difference between arm circles and windmills (YHC, 2022). Still others make singular words like “position” or “cadence” plural and for no good reason (Montana & Goats, 2022). Even when an exercise is successfully communicated, (2.0 eye muffs, please) the actual cadence resembles something like the moment Ace Ventura figures out that Finkle is Einhorn…and of course, Einhorn is Finkle (see Enron et al. 2022). Seven count flutter kicks, 42-count imperial walkers (YHC, 2022), side straddle hops at Mach 2 (Lil’ Cuz, Fence Post & Superfun(d), 2022). Some simply modify every single warmup exercise as they see fit (Cardinal, 2022). It doesn’t end.
How did this happen?
When there’s Pax sickness, only one remedy exists. Now hold on a moment. I know what you’re thinking and that remedy is not Paradox’s wife, who, by the way, is a doctor. Paradox is married to a doctor. How cool is that? An actual doctor living in his house. To date, YHC is unclear what Paradox does for a living, but hey, does it really matter? He’s set…his wife is a… DOCTOR!
No, my friends, the only cure for this type of sickness is a Goose. A big, head tilting, eyebrow raising, low talking Goose. You KNOW the look I’m talking about. The little smirk, saying, “oh, it’s something.” He knows we have gone astray; that we’ve forgotten our roots. He understands all too well that to screw up an Exicon name here, or a cadence rhythm there is a very slippery levy. It could lead to chaos. The next thing you know, we’ll be doing drugs, listening to rock & roll, and dancing. Worst of all, we may abandon our truth to erect a golden icon of Greg Glassman.
Enough is enough. You schism makers, you modifiers, you fartsackers. You hate the cold. You fear the gloom. Has not Goose shown us the way? Turn not from his tilted head and raised eyebrows. He speaks only truth, and he speaks it…constantly. O, ye of little pecks, look to Proverbs 12:15.
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”
YHC would try to execute the Warmarama in a way that would impress the Pax, follow guidelines, and please Goose.
Well, I can confidently report that…they weren’t, it didn’t, and he wasn’t.
———–
Warmarama
YHC: “Ok, it’s 6:30. Side strad…”
Goose: “Hold on, hold on. Disclaimer for the FNG.”
(partial and likely misleading disclaimer delivered)YHC: “Side Straddle Hops, 1, 2, 3…”
Goose: “You can’t just go.”
YHC: “Ok, ok. Position, movements…”
Goose: “What are you doing?”
YHC: “Ughhhhh. I don’t even know…”
(YHC bent over between his knees, then throws Montana under the bus…the pax seems to be in agreement)YHC: (finishes warm-up and goes to pick up cones five feet away)
Goose: (calls an audible and leads the Pax in self love without YHC in the circle)
YHC: (oh no you didn’t…switches to Plan Freakin’ C)
YHC: “Self love can’t save you now.”__________
THANG 1: Lazy Seepurb’s (variation of Lazy Dora’s via reverse deconstructed Burpees…get it?)
Round 1
Partner 1 – 25 merkins while Partner 2 holds mission impossible plank
Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. per partner)Goose head tilt, eyebrow raise to Enron. Enron asked for clarity around the number, 200. It’s cool. I’m coming and Hell’s coming with me. YHC articulated the concept of “Seegah,” which is the noise one makes when attempting to do a merkin, but is only capable of completing a half merkin. Because let’s face it. A second set of 25 merkins following 45 seconds of a mission impossible plank is friggin’ seegah.
Bear crawl to station #2
__________
Round 2
YHC: “Ok, next set, 25 leg thrusters, which loo….”
Goose: “Groiners.”
YHC: “What?”
Goose: “Those are groiners.”
YHC: “The IPC Greenwood folks called them leg thrusters.”
Goose: “They’re wrong.”
YHC: “Ok, next set – 25 groin thrusters.” (because I’m a mature adult and I DO WHAT I WANT)
YHC: “Partner 2 holds a low plank unt…”
Goose: “Elbow plank, but whatever, it’s fi…”
YHC: “ELBOW PLANK UNTIL YOUR PARTNER IS DONE.”Partner 1 – 25 GROINERS; P2 holds ELBOW plank
Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. per partner)
Crab walk to station #3__________
Round 3
YHC: “Next, 25 squat jumps, while P2 holds Al Gore.”
YHC: (Waits for any honking. No honking provided. YHC moves on.)Partner 1 – 25 squat jumps; P2 holds al gores
Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. Per partner)YHC calls audible that after the first set of 25 squat jumps, three more sets of 10 instead of 25. By this point, most Pax weren’t even getting off the ground.
__________
THANG 2: Ultimate Burpball/Burpee Football (ask Goose)
Ultimate frisbee rules…ish. Coyote and Pope chose teams. Five burpees for a turnover. For touchdowns, the scoring team did five burpees, the opposing team did 10. The amount of burpees for turnovers had to be reduced because by the time the five burpees had been completed, the other team had already scored, which meant 10 more burpees on top of the five. We changed rules for scoring such as the amount of passes needed (i.e. four, then 10).
The game made movement constant and burpees began to quickly add up (unless you were Coyote). It was nowhere even close to the brilliance of Paradox’s Turkey Bowl, so we’ll let the commish run that show with Enron and Wet Tap moving forward.
That said, I would be remiss not to highlight the ridiculous skills of Coyote and Pope. Coyote was seemingly everywhere all the time. He would sneak through colliding boulders of middle age to emerge on the sideline, streaking toward the end zone, no defender in sight. No matter where you threw the ball, ‘Yote would catch it…back shoulder, overhead in stride, at his ankles, you name it. Soft hands and scary speed. Pope on the other hand was a relentless force on both sides of the ball. More than once, he hard core stuffed Father Goose in mid-throw. Other times, he traversed the width of the field to show the bright eyed would-be receiver what it felt like to have Marshon Lattimore get up in your grill. Throughout the contest, Goose was relatively quiet, undoubtedly deep in thought about how he kept dropping passes.
__________
Mary to the Core
– J-Lo’s 2:1 x 15
– Flutter kicks 4:1 x 20
– Supermans x 20
– Star V-ups (reverse supermans) x 10
– J-Lo Pickle Gobblers x 20
– Blast offs (from standing, 10-count down to deep squat, squat jump on “blast off”)Mosey back to flag, COT, and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.
Gents, I loved today. The work, the chatter, the athleticism, and the camaraderie make every Q super humbling and a heck of a lot of fun. O’SHEM, we were honored to have you today. We hope you will come join the beautiful chaos.
SYITG,
Yankee Joe
__________
P.S. The correct cadence sequence is below. Read it, review it, memorize it, execute it.
Proper Cadence Sequence:
“The next exercise is…” [pause] “Side Straddle Hop!” (or name of other exercise)
“Starting Position…” [pause] “Move!”
“In Cadence…” [pause] “Exercise!” (begin count 1..2..3)
