F3 New Orleans

Tag: Tighty Whitey

  • The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    The mindset: After a few months of baptism by fire beatdowns at the Stage YHCs first Peltier Park Q was set with great anticipation. Was the confidence there? Was my cadence on point? Enough props? What if it rains? Will Cardinal ask fine print questions? Will Goose undoubtedly question my form? The questions swirled as I pulled up to the peltch on a lovely spring morning. The JBL was charged. The props were set. Now just add PAX and its gumbeaux time.

    The mission: Take the PAX on a geographical, historical and cultural journey through the time and space of Louisiana history while giving multiple muscle systems two options: Fight or Run.
    The Pax: An impressive display of Gentleman with scattered 2.0s to make up 13.
    The warmup: 18 for all IC- (LA joined the US as the 18th state) SSH, IW, WM, Cherry Pickers, Self Love, High Knees, Butt Kicks
    Disclaimer was given for those recently minted PAX and reminders of modifications and safety were given for all. Lets get to it.

    THANG 1
    Mosey to the Thunder dome for a Cajun classic warm up. Louisiana Saturday Night- Tin Soldiers the entire song, Bonnie Blairs (boths sides) on “Louisiana Saturday Night”. We got down the fiddle, we got down the bow but most of all we danced in the kitchen.

    Next YHC explained that the LA Purchase doubled the size of the US. I could not gift the men land but I did promise a certified Louisiana PureChest after todays beatdown merkin variety (I worked on this dad Joke for months and the laughter was minimal, PAX were lazer focused). We assumed ring of Fire formation and completed 100 incline merkins, 75 Decline merkins, and 50 diamon merkins.

    Capped this off with Calling Baton Rouge just to make sure everyone had the juices flowing. High knees during whole song, Burpee on “Baton Rouge”, “Operator”, and “Louisiana”.

    THANG 2
    Mosey to the Football field for the Main event: Paradox Trivia. 4 cones set up 25 yards apart in a square. Each corner would be a trivia question. If correct we complete the associated exercise (see below). If incorrect we complete the exercise plus the punishment by traveling to the middle gumbo pot. When we arrive at the gumbo pot the PAX make a group decision to take 5 burpees or pick from the pot. (soon to learn the pot had some extra bay leaves). Mode of travel between all corners is 10 alligator merkins followed by bear crawls. Disclaimers: YHC used a childrens LA history website and Wikipedia for all sources and discrepancies were dismissed immediately.

    1. Who is LA named after? King Louis 14- Wide Merkins- Correct!
    2. How long is the causeway bridge? 24 miles. No mercy for 23.6 miles so the PAX had the first incorrect. (YHC wanted to test the gumbo pot). 50 SSH were selected and performed.
    3. How many parishes in LA? Local Theologian Goose came in strong with 64 and saved the PAX. 64 shoulder presses in squat position.
    4. Edwin Edwards # of terms and prison years? 4 terms, 8 prison years. Incorrect so we did 8 prisoner squats and alligatored to the pot for a selection. 10 diamond merkins
    5. How much $ for LA purchase? Pope came in with early correct answer (15 million) BUT was questioned by the PAX. Learned a lesson about listening to the quiet confidence in a group. PAX selected 17 million and paid with a trip to the gumbo pot for 15 carolina dry docks.
    6. NO is how far below sea level? 8 feet: 8 Jump squats. Pax guessed 12 and took another gumbo trip. This time fear of the spice was growing, and PAX accepted the 5 burpee offer.
    7. Highest point in LA? Mount Driskell- 535 ft. PAX got this correct and unlocked a special Paradox challenge. JBL whipped up a tune and the pax were instructed to start mountain climbers. If they can guess the song, artist, AND movie the song was played in they would reduce the pain to 1 minute. In a moment of pure astonishment our beloved parish priest came through with “miley Cyrus, The Climb andddd The Hannah Montana Movie” only 10 seconds into the work. Cardinal is truly gifted at reducing the pain for the PAX at all costs, even embarrassment.
    8. Name the distinguishing characteristics of alligator vs crocodile? Answered correctly and we advanced for the last set of alligator merkins.
    9. This LA animal recently transitioned from Endangered to Threatened list: La black bear. This pax again got this one down and earned bear crawls to the next cone.
    10. Official state song of LA: you are my sunshine. Enron shamed 318 by labeling Jefferson Davis as the artist of the song but quickly corrected to Jimmy Davis. (all is forgiven). YHC showed off some rather shakey sunshines (seated position with hands behind head and touching elbow to the ground) and an even shakier cadence. Promise I will shelf that one for a while
    11. Official boat of LA: Correct- Pirogue- 25 Scuba steves
    12. LA state dog: Correct- Catahoula leopard dog: 13 carolina dry docks
    13. La state fruit: Correct – Strawberry- alternate 25 superman and banana boats

    Circled up for the FINISHER***
    The Cajun Classic “Jumbalaya” with burpees on Bayoooo, calf raises on the rest.

    Mosey back to the flag for COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Moleskin: This one produced some great mumble chatter as the PAX worked on communication to get a “final answer”. Learning that correct answers can often come with early confidence from some of the younger or less experienced voices.

    An absolute joy to bring this one together and share it with the PAX.
    The opportunity to lead you men is a blessing.

    SYITG

  • Providence and Classics for the New Guys – from Goose

    YHC was excited about the potential for record breaking numbers at the Houma location, Lumen Christi, including a unique FNG: priest #2 for the Bayou PAX! (Fr. J.D. Matherne, pastor of St. Hilary in Raceland will heretofore be known as Cutthroat!). However, at 5:45am, with what sounded like a Category 3 outside the house, YHC was scheming hard about how to boost morale in the howling wind, the pounding deluge of rain, and lightning popping all around. I knew that with this relatively new crew, we couldn’t break one of the major principles of F3 this early in the game, so gear was donned and prayers were said as YHC prepped to walk out into this mother of a storm.
    Thankfully, things changed quickly, and not only did the rain let up, but the sky cleared and revealed a gorgeous sky (and eventually a full rainbow!). Even the ground was relatively dry (besides some slick patches of clover, which left some PAX eating turf when bear crawling down the hill). Morale was extremely high with little to no effort as the PAX continued pouring in for this young location. Ultimately, there were 8, a record, and the warmup commenced:

    Warmup: all IC–20 Side Straddle Hops, 20 WindMills, 15 Arm Circles (each way), 15 Moroccan Night Clubs (shimmy included), 20 Self-Love, 20 Imperial Walkers, 10 High Knees, 10 Butt Kicks

    Thang 1: Dora 1, 2, 3
    YHC wanted to make sure these guys get some solid experience of the classics, so we started with a standard partner Dora wherein partners split 100 Hand Release Merkins, 200 Apolo Ohno’s, and 300 American Hammers. For the first 100, partner 2 ran backward up the hill (Nur) and forward back down. For the second, it was run up and bear crawl down (clover is slick!); and for the third, crab walk up and run down.
    At first, YHC inadvertently looked pretty smart to Enron and a few others knowing Ohno’s middle name, but then Cutthroat ruined it by revealing that for a decade, everyone only ever heard all three names (Apolo Anton Ohno). But, YHC turned the tables in the next Thang (Cutthroat, you don’t know NOTHIN’!!)

    Thang 2: Double Song Power!
    Moseyed to the hill with the cross and pulled out “Flower” by Moby–hold Al Gore for every “Sally down,” and only come up for every “Sally up”. It’s a thigh burner, and a favorite of YHC, especially for new guys–an added element is that if they can guess the lyrics, we stop. They never do. FNG hopes are dashed on the rocks of ignorance, and it’s nobody’s fault but their own.

    Song 2: Chumbaburpee! Another favorite since it’s one of the rare times that burpees are a yearned for break from something unexpectedly worse. Side straddle hops for the duration of the song, and burpees for every “I get knocked down, but I get up again.” Side straddle hops for that long are pretty torturous at the end of a long workout, so flopping down to the ground almost feels good. Except at the end (20 burpees in a row).

    Classic Indian Run back to the flag for some Mary: in an effort to continue to grow the PAX’s knowledge of the Exicon, everything with a ridiculous name gets priority. All IC x15: Crunchy Frogs, LBC’s, Wife Pleasers, J-Lo’s.

    COT and Elmer’s prayed us out. Welcome, Cutthroat, and thanks be to God for a gorgeous morning and a great group of men!

    See You in the Gloom,
    Goose

  • The Great Nursery Rhyme Beatdown of 2022 – from Goose

    Kilo warned us it might happen. “Bring a towel,” he said. “It might be wet out there,” he said. But, little did he or the rest of the PAX know the level of carnage that YHC had in store for this cold, windy, soggy morning. Of course, Cardinal may have used his spiritual upper hand to gain some kind of foresight that led to his admittedly pure, unexcused fartsacking. The rest were caught off guard by what at first seemed to be just a semi-creative way to work through a hard, but not impossible Tabata list. But, then came Jack and Jill…

    Warmup: the usual Goose faves–SSH, WM, AC, IW, and Self-Love with some high knees and butt kicks to wake up the cardio system

    Thang 1: Tabata (“It’s Italian for…”)
    One minute, as many reps as possible (AMRAP) of each of the following exercises, with 30 seconds of rest in between, which was long enough for YHC to explain the next nursery rhyme and its connection to the assigned exercise:
    * Humpty Dumpty—wall sit
    * Jack be nimble—hop back and forth over a line, feet together
    * Sing a song of sixpence—8-count body builders (the king was in his counting house…)
    * Pop Goes the Weasel—monkey humpers
    * Old King Cole—wacky jacks (like a jester)
    * Georgie Porgie—suicides (when the boys came out to play, Georgie Porgie ran away)
    * Little Boy Blue—BBS (wake up, boy!)
    * Little Miss Moffet—Dips (rise up off that tuffet!)
    * Peter Peter—Peter Parker Peter
    * Old Mother Hubbard—Nolan Ryans (reaching into a bare cupboard, coming up empty-
    handed)
    * Rockaby Baby—LBC’s
    * Three Blind Mice—mosey to the sidewalk in front of the playground (see how they run).

    Thang 2: Jack and Jill
    Partner up (Jack and Jill): Jack (partner 1) runs up the hill to fetch a pail of water, and does five jump squats at the top before coming back down, while Jill (partner 2) falls down (burpees). Partner 1 takes over the burpee count upon returning until 100 are completed. Then, Jack broke his crown: 100 Carolina Dry Docks, while partner 1 still ran up the hill to do five jump squats. Lastly, Jill came tumbling after, which meant 100 Superman/Canoes while Jack still ran up for jump squats. Superman/Canoes = PAX started on faces in Superman position (arms and legs up), then rolled to the six without the use of hands to Canoe position (head and legs a few inches off the ground, hands down by hips).
    The combination of that many consecutive burpees with jump squats at the top of a small hill seemed to be a new level of suck for many of the Bayou PAX, but complaints were few. Could’ve been because we still hadn’t laid in any cold puddles yet (Superman/Canoes were done on the sidewalk.)

    Thang 3: Deal or No Deal
    YHC left the nursery rhyme theme behind for the last 15 minutes as we moseyed to the practice field and the heretofore hidden F3 Deck of Death was revealed. (Note: the cards are very much waterproof, mudproof, and tear proof, but the box is very much not.) Each PAX was given a chance to pick two cards but only look at the first. They could then decide whether all would complete the first card’s exercise, or blindly commit to the second.
    Though most of the ridiculously hard cards were avoided, the greater majority of exercises chosen seemed to require lying in the mud, so Kilo’s warning was well grounded. Due to the high winds, most PAX were still wearing their sweatshirts (even after Jack and Jill) so they soaked up the frigid puddles like sponges. The mosey back to the flag was heavy and cold, but spirits were high as the proud PAX discussed making t-shirts or getting tattoos that said, “I survived the Great Nursery Rhyme Beatdown of 2022!”

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    Thanks for letting me lead and being willing to keep pushing, especially you new guys who are still working through your first weeks of this! And, much gratitude for you somewhat more experienced PAX who have decided that F3 is now a part of how you do life well. Your companionship in the gloom is a gift beyond value!

    See You in the Gloom,
    Goose

  • Bringin’ em Kids to Church – from Goose

    For only the third ever beatdown in the Houma area, a record five PAX gathered, anticipatorily subdued, in the gloom on Tuesday morning on the top of the hill at Lumen Christi. It didn’t take long to get the mumblechatter going, though, once Paradiddle showed up in a fly tanktop in sub 60 degree weather. YHC sadly lamented all the tanktops his M talked him into tossing not long into marriage, and then commenced the warmup.
    PAX: Tighty Whitey, Elmer’s, Picadilly, Paradiddle, Goose

    Warmup: (all in cadence) 20 side straddle hops, 20 windmills, 10 arm circles (fore, then back), 15 cherry pickers, 20 self-love (Michael Phelps), and 20 Imperial Walkers.

    Theme: Taking little ‘uns to church.

    Thang 1: From the parking lot
    Short mosey to the truck where official F3 coupons (stenciled cinder blocks) awaited. Partnered up to become married couples (or a throuple in one case) working to get the kids and their gear from the parking lot into the church.
    Partner 1 farmer carried two coupons (baby carrier, diaper bag, what have you) while the other did five big boi situps (bigger kids tying shoes, falling down, etc.) before running to catch up and swapping with Partner 1. Once arriving at our destination on the other side of the lake, we realized we got the service time wrong and it was already 3/4 of the way over, so rinse and repeat back to the top of the hill (the next closest church), but this time dying cockroaches instead of situps (kids on the ground throwing tantrums).

    Thang 2: Taking loud kids to the back, and forth
    Down by Souby Hall, just outside the huge windows for all inside to watch (just like at church when you have to leave with a screaming child), PAX completed a set of 7’s. At one end, started with 6 flutter kicks (tantrum) before backward-lunge-walking (genuflecting to the altar) to the other side for 1 goblet squat (squat with coupon held under the chin, like trying to quiet a 30 pound baby with sharp, concrete corners). Then, lunge walk forward (genuflecting to the altar) and upon arrival, completed 5 flutters (next tantrum) and repeating with 2 goblet squats on the other end and so on until 1 flutter and 6 squats.

    Thang 3: Sporadic Prayer
    In the same area, PAX completed a Jack Webb. (In full transparency, YHC took some delight in what seemed to these newer PAX to be a quick, harmless ascending ladder of 1 merkin and 4 air presses starting at 1:4 and ending with 10:40. I mean, how heavy can air be?) It was like the age-old pattern of getting down and dealing with squirmy kids, and then standing and praising the Lord for a few seconds before needing to get low to quell more squirmage. Needless to say, air is very, very heavy, and praising the Lord takes some serious effort sometimes.

    Thang 4: Back to the vehicle
    Rinse and repeat Thang 1, but 10 Freddy Mercuries on the way out (2 is 1), and 5 burpees on the way back. Finished at exactly 45 minutes, grateful for the chance to finally put the kids (I mean coupons) down and go home to take off those darn high heels and put our feet up. It was hard, but it was worth it!

    Thanks for joining, fellas, and for seeing the value in pushing hard on a Tuesday morning!
    See You in the Gloom,
    Goose