Conditions: Clear, 72 F, 86% humidity, very little wind
The IPC. So divisive. So dramatic. Those three letters automatically produce eye rolls from many of the old guard. The emphasis here is on old. These are the guys that were here in the beginning of IPC. They participated in IPC workouts in Uptown New Orleans. It’s true. There was a day when New Orleans was leading the nation in IPC participation. We embraced it for it’s CSAUPiness. It was a challenge. It was Stupid. It didn’t take it’s self too seriously and neither did we.
But then it got popular in other places. And there is a side of F3 Nationally that has never been fully embraced by New Orleans. And IPC started to resemble that part of F3, that I can’t really explain, but the old, and I must reiterate that I mean old, guys in New Orleans understand.
I always liked the IPC. I tried to hold on while others refused to participate. I respected what the guys behind it were trying to do. The workouts were challenging. The competitions could be fun. But the way IPC was twisted and mangled by the worst parts of human nature was just too much for many, and it died a quiet death in New Orleans.
But I never gave up hope. This year I decided there would be some new guys that would be interested in it. As soon as I put it out that we would be doing it at Pontiff, one of those guys started blowing up my phone. He is a downranger from Florida that goes by the name Mayhem. He’s a real character. I’m not sure how he got my private cell number. I rarely go to Florida and when I do, I don’t work out. Anyway, he’s been texting me every couple of hours for the last few weeks. Said he was excited about IPC and was going to drive over and post in New Orleans for it. Asked me a gazillion questions about it. He repeated no more than 30 times that he has an exercise in the lexicon named after him. He sent me the description of it in text. Then he followed it up with some crude stick figure drawings. He sent 8 pictures and I’m pretty sure he sent them in the wrong order. He then sent a video. Then he sent a video of him doing it with his kids. Who knows what else he has sent. I quit reading the texts about a week ago.
I planned to get to Pontiff early Wednesday to set up. Maybe 5:25 or so. I got there and this Mayhem fellow had it all taken care of. Bogey later told me that Mayhem got there at 4:15 (We should probably check on Bogey and see why he is living in his car near Pontiff). Mayhem had brought cones, two tape measures, the rolling thing they use to chalk baselines, gloves, laminated sheets with the workout on it, a large digital race clock, and a video camera. He did not bring a shirt.
“You must be Mayhem,” I called out to the half-naked man standing on the 20th yard of a newly created shuttle run area.
“Yeah, I’m THE Mayhem, the one that created the Mayhem Merkin. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. It’s a hip-slap, shoulder-tap, merkin. Here let me show you how to count it.”
As he got down and started counting his cadence, I noticed the jumbotron he had installed just above the scoreboard. It was a live feed of him doing the Mayhem Merkin, but as soon as he finished it somehow transitioned into a video montage of people doing Mayhem Merkins all around the world. I was watching the Dalai Lama do it when I realized it was almost 5:30.
Bogey walked up and gave me the auto eye roll. “I’m not doing this $&*@*$*#@ workout.”
We really need to check on Bogey.
Scantron showed up with some KnOT merchandise Bogey had ordered off the new KnOT website when he scheduled his morning appointment. (I really like the new logo, but the knee pads should come in more colors)
Vagabond and Whistle Pig looked at one another, wondering who was going to tell Bogey he had put his new headband on upside down.
About that time Hand Grenada strolled up coffee in hand, “Hey Doofus! Your headband is upside down…are we really doing this IPC crap?”
“We are and we should get started” I replied. “This downranger is super excited.” I pointed to the half naked man practicing his shuttle run in the field.
Frac suggested we do some warm-ups since this one shouldn’t take the entire time. We circled up and went through the obligatory SSH, IW, GG, and AV. Vagabond asked why we do 31 SSH and Frac made up some story about himself in the Navy. I really wish people would stop making things up. It’s getting hard to know what is really true.
After the downranger from Florida passed out the laminated sheets and went over the workout we lined up to start. Mahatma was incensed that there was no 80s rock to work out to. “We need tunes!” he yelled as he started running toward his truck.
We all waited….and waited….and waited…”should we go check on him” someone asked.
“Can we just start?” Mayhem asked, jumping up and down with anticipation.
I let everyone know we were going to start and asked Vagabond to go check on Mahatma if he didn’t come back in the next 5 minutes. Just then Mahatma appeared.
“I thought you were getting music,” Hand Granada exclaimed.
“I did. You can’t hear it? I’m playing it out of my truck.”
We all stopped, listened closely and could in fact hear the sounds of REO Speedwagon in the distance.
Now with only 30 minutes to finish the first IPC workout we commenced:
• 10 burpees
• 5-10-15-20 yard shuttle runs
• 10 burpees
• 25 merkins
• 5-10-15-20 yard shuttle runs
• 10 burpees
• 25 merkins
• 50 lunges (hard way – right leg-left leg=1 rep)
• 5-10-15-20 yard shuttle runs
• 10 burpees
• 25 merkins
• 50 lunges (hard way – right leg-left leg=1 rep)
• 100 big boy sit-ups
• 5-10-15-20 yard shuttle runs
• 10 burpees
• 25 merkins
• 50 lunges (hard way – right leg-left leg=1 rep)
• 100 big boy sit-ups
• 150 squats
• 5-10-15-20 yard shuttle runs
This was a hero workout and at the risk furthering my reputation for creating backblast that are too long for anyone to read, I think it’s important to give you the following information:
The Tellier WOD is dedicated to U.S. Sgt. Zachary D. Tellier, 31, of Charlotte, NC (USA) a combat infantryman with the 4th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, at Fort Bragg. He died Sept. 29, 2007, of wounds sustained while on a ground patrol in Afghanistan.
The previous April, Tellier’s unit was conducting a mounted patrol when one of its vehicles drove over and detonated a bomb, which set the vehicle on fire, according to a statement from the 82nd Airborne. Tellier pulled two paratroopers out of the vehicle to safety, suffering severe burns to his hands. He was awarded the Bronze Star Medal with valor for his actions.
After he was burned, Tellier jumped up in the turret to return fire, said Sgt. Michael Layton, a member of Tellier’s unit. A lieutenant made Tellier get out of the vehicle because of his injuries, Layton said. “Zachary Tellier has to be the biggest hero I’ve ever known or heard of, not just because of what he did, but because of his personality,” Layton said. “He came in the Army because he wanted to be around soldiers and serve his country, and he paid the ultimate sacrifice.”
Tellier is survived by his wife, Sara Tellier of Atlanta, Ga.; his father, David W. Tellier of Groton, Mass.; and his mother, Pamela Rodriguez, of Falmouth, Mass.
