F3 New Orleans

Category: New Orleans

  • Railroaded – from Goose

    YHC was admittedly excited about the idea for this beatdown. It came much earlier than the usual 10pm the night before, and YHC even hyped it two days early hoping to stir some interest. However, with crickets on the GroupMe and excuses flying like flatulence at the Lion’s Den, it looked like there may be no one to enjoy such a highly anticipated feast of chance, strategy, teamwork, and train tracks. But, a strong representation of the PAX (even Dox, who had to leave early to get to clinics) charitably made their way to the Peltch this morning worked up enough interest to make it all feel worthwhile.

    Enough of the pleasantries, this beatdown was a cutthroat competition for European dominance via railway, and it went something like this:

    YHC: Alright, 6:30, let’s get warmed up.

    White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)

    (…this leads to all but Valve discussing said movie, which left YHC and Valve the only ones doing any counting. Some definite foreshadowing here…)

    (All mosey to the Thunderdome where the board game “Ticket to Ride is set up on a cinder block-carboard table)

    YHC: Ok, here are the rules. We’ll split up into three teams of three players each.

    (Counts off–teams are: 1. Dox, AB, YJ 2. Pope, White Meat, Duke 3. Valve, Maneater, YHC)

    YHC: Each team will pick a card, which has a route on it. You’ll need to place your colored train cars on the different colored tracks that will connect all the cities on your route to connect the start and end points in a non-stop chain of trains.

    Dox to AB: Ok, if we start with this one here in Zurich, we can connect to Venezia…

    YHC: Hey, listen to the instructions, you can strategize later.

    Dox: I can do both at the same time.

    YHC: Not so sure. …So, you can claim a track connecting two cities if you do the exercises and the reps that correspond to the color of the track and the number of train cars it indicates you need. So,…

    AB to Dox: I think we should make our way through Duetchland. Did you notice that I said “Deutchland”? That’s because I…

    YHC: You’re gonna want to pay attention to this. So, if a track has three red car spaces, you would look at this board and see that a red car space means 15 merkins, so each member of your team would need to do 45 merkins.

    YJ: (While AB and Dox are whispering and pointing to Amsterdam) Wait, what color are we?

    YHC: And, if there is an engine on a space, that means you need to run to the gate and back.

    Maneater: Nope

    YHC: And, if another team claimed a track you need, you can put one of your stations on the city it connects to and use that track, but a station is earned by your whole team bear crawling around the perimeter of the thunderdome.

    Dox to AB: …and if we cut through Budapest…

    YHC: Oh, and these spaces outlined in black are tunnels. That means the reps are doubled for those spaces. Here are the exercises and reps indicated by each color track/space on the board:

    -Red: 15 Merkins
    -Black: 10 Burpees
    -Blue: 15 Jump Squats
    -White: 15 Bonnie Blairs (2:1)
    -Green: 20 Big Boy Situps
    -Orange: 20 Crunchy Frogs
    -Pink: 20 Toe taps (plank, reach through and touch opposite toe, 2:1)
    -Yellow: Line jumps for 1 min, 20 second break between (two feet jump back and forth over a line)

    White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)

    YHC: Once you’ve completed the route on the card, you can pick another route card, either a short one or a long one, but if you pick it, you’re committed to completing it. For the cards you complete, you get the number of points indicated on the card, but for the ones incompleted, you lose that number of points. You also will get points for each train car on the board, and the longer the track chosen between cities, the more points you get for it.

    AB to Dox: …we should definitely go through Essen. I have a lot of friends there…

    YHC: Any questions? Guys! I said, “Any questions?”

    YJ: Wait, what team am I on?

    YHC: Ok, begin!

    (YHC, Valve, and Maneater immediately start cranking out 60 crunchy frogs apiece, and White Meat, Pope, and Duke are doing what seems to be 10 minutes worth of big boys. Meanwhile, the blue team seems to have claimed three or four full tracks before anyone else gets back to the board.)

    Dox: Alright, now we just need these three and an engine to go up to Kobenhaven…

    Valve: No! Why in the world do you need Kobenhaven?? Goose! We gotta run!

    Maneater: Oh, God

    (Goose and Valve take off in an effort to beat AB, Dox, and YJ to the gate and back, but it doesn’t matter–somehow, they’ve already done the other exercise reps needed to claim that track, so YHC’s team is stuck with a perimeter bear crawl in order to place a station. I mena, you can’t get to Stockholm without going through Kobenhaven!)

    White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)

    Dox: Alright, we’re done with this route, let’s pick another card.

    Pope: (as he finishes his 80th Bonnie Blair) Did he say “done with this route”?

    YHC (internally): I never want to do another crunchy frog for as long as I live.

    Valve to Maneater and YHC: Well, it looks like we could either do 60 burpees or 80 crunchy frogs to get to Pamplona.

    Maneater and YHC: Crunchy frogs it is.

    Pope: No! Blue claimed the track we needed again! I guess those Bonnie Blairs were wasted. Gotta do another perimeter craw.

    AB: We’re running out of blue train cars to put on the board. Let’s just start using the black ones.

    Dox to AB and YJ: Alright, we’ve done seventeen cards, and it’s 7:15, so I’ve got to go. You guys ought to be able to get another ten or twelve, huh?

    AB and YJ: You bet–we’ve got plenty of gas in the tank. This is fun!

    YHC to Valve: (panting heavily) I’m having trouble seeing straight–what color is that?

    Valve: It’s blue–they’re all over the board, like a stage 4 cancer

    White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)

    AB to YJ: So, that’s 60 total big boys. How many have you done so far?

    YHC to AB: Wait, are you guys each doing all the reps, or are you splitting the total amongst your team?

    AB: Don’t worry, we’re splitting them up. We wouldn’t be so crazy as to each do all those reps. That would be ridiculous.

    YHC to White Meat and Pope: Are you guys splitting them up?

    Pope: No, we’re each doing the whole rep total.

    YHC to AB: Exactly! That’s what we’re all supposed to be doing!

    AB: Dox was confident that he heard it was a compilation. And now he’s on his way to work soothing his lemon truck woes with the smug confidence of an inevitable victory.

    Valve to YHC: Injustice happens. Looks like we’re bear crawling another lap.

    (AB and YJ honorably change their rep counts with 10 minutes left to match the actual rules somehow missed in the explanation, knowing that there will be some substantial point docking at the end. The other two teams keep on keeping on, all the while completely avoiding all black tracks. Seriously, not one burpee was done. It’s amazing what lengths we’ll go to to avoid burpees when given any other option.
    7:30 hit and points were tallied with the blue team graciously forfeiting 1/3 of their points. Counted off and three wearables were rewarded: Phil the Pain went to Pope, The Fire Within went to Valve, and Blue Tube went to YHC)

    YJ: (Prayer)

    White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)

  • Venti Expands – from Sea Man

    The Venti is all things to all people! The Venti succeeds because it’s shorter beatdown that allows us more time to lift each other up with a coffee saunter back to the start!

    The Pre-Order – a 2.5 mile Ruck that launches at 5:15
    The Venti – Traditional 2.5 mile run to Star Bucks
    The Grande – Lengthened 3.5 mile run to Star Bucks (park to stables around Fly and on to Star Bucks)
    The Tall – Straight shot down St Charles to Adams and to Star Bucks
    The Esspresso – speed interval workout along the St Charles Neutral Ground

  • Stretch, Run, and Whatever KB was Gettin’ Done – from Bolt

    YHC got a HC from Pillsbury the night before, making him a Kotter and thus, there was no backing out of the gloom this rainy morning. The S&M crew found the marathon preppers fast at work well before the disclaimer as we made our way to the pavilion with a guest appearance by KnOTS’ own Scantron. KB brought toys and flailed about as the S&M crew did their thing.
    We reassembled in the rain for COT; honored as always.

  • Bs and Cs – from Safety Valve

    After yesterday’s Merkin Mania Monday by Pope, YHC felt obligated to add some solid back, bicep, and core work today. Nothing special. Just a slightly different style than usual.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    Willy mays hats
    Wind mills
    Arm circles – forward and backward
    Cherry pickers
    self love

    Thang
    Partner up – AB questioned the use of partners today. Sometimes we just need people by us when we are suffering AB. I’ll be sure to get with his M on how to answer this appropriately next time.

    Buy in for each person at the stage.
    50 LBCs
    50 Hello Dolly
    50 Freddie Mercury
    50 second one inch hold

    Mosey to yonder parking lot. Each team did two stations below:

    Four stations – sand bag at each
    Bent over low rows – 60lb x 15 reps
    Lawn mower rows, single arm -35lb x 15 reps
    Curls – 40lb x15 reps
    Curls – single arm, 18 lb 3 ways – 10 full, 10 bottom to half way, 10 half way to top.

    Mosey back to stage. By this time, Creed rocking in the background was bringing Goose back to a simpler time, while AB was crying on the inside and maybe the outside. To the parking lot and back to the stage was probably close to 1/4 mile. This was true if you didn’t cheat yourself and took the proper sidewalk route… IYKYK. We ended by picking up the 6 (team Goose and Enron – maybe they did an extra set, maybe not) and sprinting back to the flag.

    COT, Fire within was given to Suckle by Pope, prayers continue for Coyote, Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • Veteran’s Day: 11/11 Must be 11s – from Bolt

    YHC fartsacked more than acceptable last week so seeing an empty Q sheet meant only one option—Q. The inscribed bat signal illuminated Slack and 4 pax headed the call, including a hobbled KB and a less and less rare Rev Sox return. Potable phone charger in hand at 5:29:57 and flag planted for the 5:30 disclaimer and mosey to warmup pad for Abe SLOWgodas, after which Charmin noted something was noticeably missing while silence was noticeably present—had enough of the 2.1a port fed the electronic overlord? “YES” was the answer—so JBL jumped to life with the requisite song to get us through the balance of the warmorama:
    R/L Tie Fighters x 10
    OH claps x 10
    Seal claps x 10
    MNC x 10
    Self Love x 10 (school Charmin on the nuanced difference from Michael Phelps)
    Open/close the gate x 5 of each/leg
    SSH x 20
    Mosey to JPAX for 11s on 11/11 which of course requires a playlist deviation (Sousa’s greatest hits)—and Frac missed it!

    The Thang:
    10 burpees
    Run up stairs
    1 box jump
    Run down ramp for –1/+1
    Circle 6 and recover

    Back to warmup pad for Mary, rotate circle with pax-called exercise for 1 minute each:
    Scuba/flutter kicks
    Freddie Mercs
    Single leg, straight leg wife pleaser
    Dealer’s choice plank with switch on Charmin’s timed call
    COT including Pledge of Allegiance
    Honored to lead, men.

  • Veteran’s Day Elevensies: by Pope – from Goose

    Sunday evening and YHC was minding his own business, ready for a regular Monday morning getup the next day when Goose asked if he wanted to Q tomorrow morning. YHC casually concurred, thinking “Valve tends to bring the heat with Monday Qs outlined on the way there; I should be okay.”
                      A few minutes later, Goose filled me in on two pieces of unfortunate news: (1) that he would be missing the beatdown on an account of an inconveniently timed colonoscopy/EDG appointment at Our Lady of the Lake Children’s Hospital for Coyote (he’s regained his activeness and high energy level; thank you on behalf of him, Goose and myself for all of your prayers!), and (2) that Monday was November 11, Veteran’s Day.
                      The last time YHC unknowingly signed up to Q on a holiday was on January 1 of this year; Goose was there to dump off to—not this time. He did, however, have a quick and easy (to devise) format: “How about you do eleven elevens?”  my reaction was the same as what I read on the faces of the numerous PAX that showed up: mixture of “Ooh…” and “Eh?”
                      Jogging to the Stage from the house after Goose left with Yote, YHC came within sight of the parking lot and noticed with a faint glimmer of hope that it was empty at 5:10… maybe everyone else held on to the justified opinion that a holiday workout—especially after Popeye’s CFT destruction on Saturday –was not worth the trade of a few extra hours of sleep. YHC’s hopes were dashed—ahem… assumption was proven wrong when Popeye pulled in as soon as the thought occurred to me, followed a few minutes later by Valve.
                      The format was simple: ten reps of eleven different exercises (done this morning up on the Stage) then one rep of another set of eleven different exercises (done after a half-lap around the track), followed by nine of set one’s exercises and two of set two, and so on in basic elevens format.
                      The exercises for each set were as follows:
     
                      Set 1 (descending):
    ·      American hammers
    ·      Merkins
    ·      Bobby hurleys
    ·      Big boy sit-ups
    ·      Freak nasties
    ·      Squats
    ·      V-ups
    ·      Kraken burpees (later modified to hand-release burpees)
    ·      Box jumps
    ·      LBCs
    ·      No-cheat merkins
     
     
                      Set 2 (ascending):
    ·      Freddy mercuries
    ·      Carolina dry docks
    ·      Bonny blairs
    ·      WWI sit-ups
    ·      Shoulder taps
    ·      Imperial walkers
    ·      Burpees
    ·      Derkins
    ·      Star jumps
    ·      Hello dollies
    ·      Inchworm merkins
                     
                      (Note: Valve promised to remove most of the chest workouts tomorrow, for those considering posting.)
                      In 40 minutes, the PAX completed every set until we got to 6 and 5 reps at the respective stations. Chatter was generally quiet, as is to be expected when the routine requires an annoying amount of rep counting and/or physical discomfort.
                      COT and Valve prayed us out.
                      The PAX kept up a decent pace throughout the beatdown, only slacking a little; shoutout to Valve and Popeye for showing up on a holiday and grinding out an intimidating workout with me to the finish (bonus points for enduring the general lack of tunes).
                                                                                                                                                                                                          SYITG, Pope

  • Unlucky #13 – from Architect

    Q woke up eager to push the PAX with a memorable workout in honor of his daughter’s 13th birthday. To the Q’s delight, there were 13 PAX in the gloom, can’t ask for a better sign.

    Warm-a-rama with 13 of everything.

    Rocks selected, mosey to parking lot.

    13 Big boys, 13 Merkins, 13 Squats, 13 OH Presses, Run 50 yards
    Repeat….13 times

    Ended with 13 Burpees as icing on the cake.

    COT with special focus on Men’s Mental health.

  • IronPax hangover – from Thighs

    After our AO did IronPax, it was a bit of relief to go back to our usual pace of workouts. (;

    We started the beat down with a warmup:
    15x Jumping Jacks
    7x Cherry Pickers
    7x Windmills
    10x Sun Gods (each arm)
    7x Merkins
    7x Squats

    Then we mosey-ed to the amphitheater.
    At the top of the stairs, we began 11s to the bottom of the stairs.
    Burpees starting at 1 at the top of the stairs.
    Bobby Hurleys at the bottom of the stairs.

    After a good 15 min of that, we turned to our usual figure 8 workout. We would go down a set of stairs and up the other. At the top of every stairs, we did a set of exercises.
    Bonny Blaires
    Merkins
    Ab X-tensions
    Starting at 15 per set, then going to 10, and finally w/ 5 per.

    Finally, we mosey-ed over to the light poles and did a quick final workout of station work. Each light pole was a station, starting a 1 per set and moving to only 4 per set.
    Bobby Hurleys
    Hello Dollies
    Bonny Blaires
    Pike Ups

    After that set, we ran back to the start and did a set of ab workouts.
    We ended with the usual close out, sending us off with a prayer to make a difference in lives of those around us.

    Looking forward to next time!

  • Acrogym – from Paradox

    Non expanding recreational foam (NERF).

    Sounds harmless. Sounds goofy. Sounds, dare I say , fun. But what if YHC told you an individual spent major portions of their life playing with the aforementioned materials and never once asked what it stood for. Now before you go and title my biography “Blissful Ignorance “ let’s go deeper. What if that same individual led an entire sophomore classroom in a riot after answering a teacher “nerf or nothing“ as an answer to an algebra problem. Lots of self worth tied up in a hidden acronym right? That’s the depth of emotional trauma YHC found himself experiencing after learning of the truth about NERF. How many more acronyms were out there, hiding in plain site, ruining lives??Are there others who have been hurt like this? This could happen to anyone!!

    Two options were left , stew in my rapidly expanding negativity or let it fuel a recreational campaign so that no man would ever be hurt by an acronym like this again.

    So PAX, today I bring you…

    ACROGYM!

    DUKE !
    Convert that DOS to film and Roll the beautiful footage!

    9 Tuesday Tuff regulars at the stage with light hints of fall weather.. (no sudden movements, we don’t want to spook it)

    YHC moseyed in from a quality control check on Settlement porta potties, reporting to the pax that all were aging like fine wines.
    Props to the men who weathered both the sweet and sour Valve beatdowns of Saturday and Monday, many well earned groans were heard in warmups. Valve enjoyed hearing the sweet symphony of weakness leaving their bodies.

    We headed into yonder loop with a standard issue Indian Run 3 Apollo drop off.

    YHC struggled to find true acronyms named bands or songs so I went all in for a REM mile and peppered the pax with some of their top hits. Goose smelled the competition like a shark with blood and was warming up the neurons connecting Apollos and “Man on the Moon” while giving VH1 level behind the scenes info on their videos. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I found out REM and Depeche Mode existed in the spring of ‘24….everybody hurts, even Goose sometimessss.

    Tha THANG

    Split into teams
    -teams designate a Speaker/writer
    (Man must be gifted in writing and moseying simultaneously)

    Classic 1/2 numbering stacked up the trivia titans of Americas Best Goose & Suckle (sounds like a really weird bar in Austin…a story for another time) .

    They looked around nodding like the trivia version of the 85 Bears linebacker core and YHC had to intervene before someone got hurt.

    Somewhat more evenly balanced teams were restored and YHC would serve as live corespondent.

    Rules:
    -Introduce the Acronym.
    -Each team mumbles incoherently then runs in opposite direction to complete 10 jump squats and 10 merkins then run back all while discussing what the acronym stands for.
    -Writes answer on board (in a timely and legible manner)
    -reveal , winner with most correct words/points

    Winner
    LBCs/SSH

    Loser
    10 Thrusters

    Tie – 7 burpees

    Journal Observations

    -I was never offered a bribe for hints which was honorable although significant amounts of snark, board holding, and “cursive writing” were frowned upon.

    -Team AB approach:
    Step 1: hey does anybody know this one?
    Step 2: ask Maneater if he is in IT?
    Step 3 : wildly accept guesses on the run back while AB initimidates the other team with his LL stats.

    -Team Goose approach
    Step 1: Listen in awe at Honeysuckle’s clear logical thought process and bottomless tech vocabulary.
    Step 2: repeat step 1 and fill in the gaps with hieroglyphics.

    Let’s begin:

    LASER
    Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission Radiation

    Team Goose off to a solid start with what will be the only perfect score. Team AB with 3/5 and ate a thruster sandwich, a bit unfair here as HS deals with “sharks with freaking laser beams” as part of his defense contract

    BASE (jumping)
    Building , Antenna, Spans, and Earth

    Tie Game

    Most of the processing speed over at Team AB went to congratulating themselves on making the E “Edge”. Ronnie protested that true courage entails not putting limits on where one can BASE jump.

    ****Musical Interlude ***
    REM
    End of the World
    IW on Song
    Goosie On “End of the World”

    *Lenny Bruce checks under his bed for Goosies

    CAPTCHA
    Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart

    Some great chatter over at Team Goose led to a win followed by a flatulent Pope captcha on his father’s own coupon. Can concrete hold scent particles, only Alan Turing knows.

    ZIP (code)
    Zone Improvement Plan

    Tie game as both teams secured “zone” and later spawned a potential “guess that zip code” mini beatdown.

    JPEG
    Joint Photographic Expert Group

    -teams had broken down into crude insults and resume inquiries at this point . No hint of joint expert groups on either side.

    TASER
    Thomas A Swifts Electric Rifle

    -most of the chatter here concentrated on potential for Thomas Rosyters All Natural Bee Rifle – patent pending. Just know if you roll into Rienzi unannounced that he’s packing.

    Throwback sprint finale:
    DOS (as in MS-DOS)
    Disc operating system

    Both teams were close enough here to avoid thrusters and the plant siren was calling 6am.

    Ronnie passed along Animal to Meat for reckless endangerment while his chest hair alone worked its way up the “voter distraction” list.

    Intentions for continued medical work up for mutiple 2.0s

    COT and Valve prayed us out

    Postscript:

    Bacronym to the Future

    PAX,

    This is Dox writing you from the year 2054, inside the Rienzi stronghold that is now Merica.

    We remain the last of our species rebellion in the great ChatGPT war.

    We are safe at the moment, between waves of CAPTCHA mediated extermination by the artificial intelligent enemy.
    Professor Suckles patented Bee Laser (Blaser) has the stronghold secure and keeps the GPT drones away.

    President Wells still leads the human race as he was a pioneer in spotting AIs weakness to understand the futility of passive aggressive unnecessary emails. It was our biggest breakthrough since the war began , allowing us to pinpoint other computer blindspots and communicate under their RADARs with ancient JPEGs and DOS files.

    Slowly the remaining members of the human race realized that a small band of men had actually unknowingly been training to beat the CAPTCHA test. You see, AI could scope the width and depth of the internet, calculate algorithms at an instant, and even produce a hi res images of your friends with bicep veins. But gradually we began to find that the gaps of AI knowledge were actually the cornerstones of male bonding.

    AI couldn’t decipher the unspoken message of a Nicolas Cage GIF. AI didn’t know why LBC methane labeled as “airport cheese” gets a laugh everytime. There is no processor for understanding why an educated man would make “Turn Down for What” his anthem. Not enough RAM to see why a 10 second video of a snapping Turla could become a lifelong inside joke.

    But it was just there.

    Outside of the ones and zeroes, in the gloom of our shared suffering and in the image of our creator we gained our edge.

    That’s why you men must continue to sharpen the irons of F3 Thib.

    One day in the future the CAPTCHA will be at the door.

    And when it ask if ye be man or bot?

    You will know ..

    It’s NERF or nothing .

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Good to see people – from Charmin

    As usual, YHC arrived to find the runners there early and even a few KnOTters. By the time 5:30 arrived, Boo-Boo was there to ruck, in addition to bringing news that Bolt would be arriving shortly.

    After going around the track and finding all the gates locked, we met with Bolt on the track and realized that our neighborhood time would need to be brief.

    On YHC’s way back, we saw a Rougarou leaving saying that he’s finally had it with walking backwards. “Why can we walk forwards, and get to our stretching spot quicker?” he muttered under his breath before crossing over the train tracks.

    COT ended with praying for all those struggling physically, but more importantly mentally. Don’t hesitate on reaching out to fellow Pax.