F3 New Orleans

Category: New Orleans

  • March of the Penguins – from Willie

    As the month of March approaches its end, so does the March of the Penguins CASUP (1000 Penguins per day in the month of March). Special shout out to @Sandbar, and @Sogo for accompanying me on this journey. Also, a big thank you to the Qs this month who added extra penguins to their workout. That does not included @Douille who did 3 total penguins at Misty Mountain last Saturday.

    Yours truly rolled into the workout right at 5:30AM, dressed in a Penguin onesie, with Welcome to the Jungle blaring on the bluetooth speaker. My standard music rules applied. The PAX can skip a song with a 10 burpee penalty for the entire group. After the standard disclaimer, we moseyed to the field for a warm up, all in cadence.

    SSH x 20
    Imperial Walkers x 20
    Mountain Climbers, Peter Parkers, Parker Peters x 15 each
    Self Love OYO for 1 minute
    Arm Circles Reverse/Forward x 10
    Hillbillies x 20

    The PAX then made it’s way to the statue in front of the zoo, and partnered up for a not so traditional DORA. The only exercise was 600 Penguins 2/1. Partner 1 ran the small loop while Partner 2 banged out penguins. We had 2 skips during the DORA, resulting in 20 burpees. The skipped songs were “Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi and “Spoon Full of Sugar” from the Mary Poppins sound track.

    The next transition was a run to the bandstand where the PAX circled up on stage for the Name That Tune challenge. The songs on this playlist are all songs that we know and love, but they are sung in a Lounge Singer style by the one and only Richard Cheese. The PAX did 30 Penguins 2-1 while the song played, then the PAX to the left had to guess either the song title OR the original artist. Get it right and we continue with penguins, a wrong answer gets the PAX 20 merkins. Some of the songs played were hits like, “Baby Got Back”, “Gin and Juice,” “Brass Monkey,” and “Been Caught Stealing” just to name a few. The PAX did pretty well as we only had 2 wrong answers resulting in 40 merkins. With 6:15AM approaching we made our way back to the flag for the standard COT.

    It is a pleasure to lead these men in a workout, and I appreciate the PAX indulging me in my crazy ideas.

    SYITG

    Willie

  • Doing Hard Things – from Boo-Boo

    YHC noticed a lack of enthusiasm in the Kennarie Ridge channel and put out a call late Tuesday evening to rally interest in a Wednesday beat down. YHC arrived early to develop a plan. The clock struck 0530 and no takers, no problem. YHC decided to change the plan and do few things that YHC doesn’t like or is not good at. The first hard thing was a solo workout. Typically YHC would bail out on a solo workout.

    After a warmup at the pad, YHC jogged two laps around the track, and YHC does not like to distance run. To make it even harder, YHC jogged at a faster pace than he normally would.

    Back to the pad for three sets of pull-ups, which YHC likes but is really bad at. Last, balance training on the balance beam.

    Prayers of gratitude for all of the good with which God has blessed YHC and safe travels this week for YHC and his family. Boo-Boo out!

  • Honoring a Fallen Hero on Spy Wednesday – from Mayhem

    Disclaimer given to a party of 4, then 6, then HG arrived during warmarama giving us 7 to celebrate and remember… and Tenderloin

    Mosey to the parking lot
    AV, GG, PPP, MC, CC (Crab Cakes, a favorite of YHC)
    Then some arm stuff- AC, RAC, SC, OC, SL

    Mosey to the stands
    Site Q (@Mr. Rogers) has called for El Diablo this year to remember Fallen Heros
    We honored U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Edwardo Loredo with the Loredo workout
    He was killed 6/24/10

    The Thang:
    Rd1, Rd3, Rd5-
    24 squats
    24 merkins
    24 lunges
    400 meter run

    Rd2, Rd4, Rd6-
    24 Bobby Hurley
    24 merkins
    24 Bonnie Blair
    400 meter run

    Six rounds = 6th month of his passing
    24 reps = 24th of the month

    Ended with some Mary-
    Flutter kicks, x-factor, crunchy frog, protractor (and maybe one more?)

    COT
    Welcome back Sanbro
    Prayers for WP’s daughter and Tenderloin’s Glenda who “caught the dementia”

    Today is Spy Wednesday, so with the Holy Tridium upon us, remember the reason for the season

    Thanks for letting me lead on my birthday. SYITG.

  • Questionable Records – from Honeysuckle

    Nine men emerged from the gloom to join YHC at the stage on a wet Tuesday Tuff morning.
    They had been promised trivia and records, but first a few things had to be taken care of.  

    Warmarama: SSH, Imperial Walkers, Willie Mays Hayes,Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Cherry Pickers, Carolina High Knees, Carolina Butt Kicks, Mountain Climbers 

    Thang 1

    Mosey toward Rich Man’s Loop and stop at The Point.  PAX were divided into two teams.  These teams would be together for the duration of the beatdown.  Team 1 would nur to the next light pole, then run to the following light pole, and then do 5 burpees.  The team could not proceed until all members did their 5 burpees.  Then they would begin again with a nur.  Team 2 would do the same thing, but start with a run and do a nur second.   

    YHC was asked, “Is this a race?”  It was not a race in the sense that who the “winner” was didn’t affect anything in the rest of the beatdown.  The de facto result of being the winner was that you got to the coupons first.  Which was something that would matter (a little) today.

    After some initial jockeying for the lead of the non-race, the two teams became staggered so that Team 1 was finishing burpees as Team 2 arrived to begin theirs.  From a congestion management perspective, this was a nice result.  

    The teams were to not visit Financially Stable Man’s Alley today but instead head straight for the coupons.  Around the same time that Team 1 was arriving to the coupons, which would have also been a convenient time to use the bathroom due to the Port-o-Let there, a mysterious white truck also arrived to the area.  As YHC was with Team 2, it is only hearsay that the Team 1 PAX attempted an EH at which point only the sound of electronic door locks being engaged could be heard.  In reality, the truck was from Lowe’s, trying to track down a pallet load of cinder blocks that a man in alpaca fur stole from them Ocean’s Eleven style. 

    Team 1 graciously grabbed extra coupons for Team 2 so that a full Port-o-Let visit wasn’t required.   

    Thang 2

    After returning to the stage area, the second thang was revealed.  YHC would announce an exercise for the PAX to begin, and play a song from the classic rock era (all well etched in YHC’s memory due to decades of listening to Eagle 98.1), and the team in control (control would alternate between teams 1 and 2) had roughly 30 seconds to name the artist and song title.  If both weren’t named, then the other team would be allowed to guess for 30 seconds.  At the end of this time, a team would have either 0, 1, or 2 correct guesses, corresponding to some exercises.

    0=10 thrusters
    1 = 5 thrusters
    2 = 2 thrusters

    But that’s not all!  The song would continue, and the exercise would continue, long enough for YHC to ask some additional trivia questions tangentially related to the song.  Each correct answer here would subtract one thruster.  YHC forgot the list of exercises at home so we did the best we could.  As you will see, YHC forgot a lot of the results of the day but you will get the gist of it.   

    Song 1 exercise: Crab dip

    YHC continues to try to champion this move but there is little traction so far.  The song wasPurple Haze by Jimi Hendrix.  Team 1 got both these.  YHC asked what brewery makes Purple Haze (Abita), what style beer is it (Lager).  What two types of particles can cause a haze (smoke, dust), and dust from what area sometimes causes a haze in the southeast US during the summer (Sahara desert) 

    Song 2 exercise: Tempo squats

    The song was Slow Ride by Foghat.  I believe this one was split?  Other trivia questions: Slowest mammal (sloth), slowest sea creature (seahorse), name of an air mass over a body of water that can produce fog/clouds (marine layer).  Marine layer was one of the few times the PAX was stumped.   

    Song 3 exercise: Hold Al Gore?

    The song was Won’t Get Fooled Again by the Who.  By this point, it was starting to become clear that America’s Best knew all the answers and was just waiting until time was almost up to sneak in his guesses. Trivia dealt with famous April Fools jokes according to Google, such as what number with non-repeating digits did the Alabama legislature try to change (pi), what did they want to change the value to (3)?  Taco Bell announced it purchased this US Landmark to help pay down the national debt (Liberty Bell).  The last line of the song may be its most famous; what is it? (Meet the new boss, the same as the old boss.) 

    Song 4 exercise: Merkins?

    Radar Love by Golden Earring.  This was split, with AB coming up with the band name in the follow up round.  The trivia dealt with the words making up the acronym radar (Radio detection and ranging).  This took a while, and the PAX didn’t get “ranging”.  But then after we stopped YHC remembered the other questions.  RADAR is spelled the same forward and backward, what is the name for that (Palindrome).  Fill in the blank of this palindrome: A man. A plan. A canal. _____ (Panama).  PAX were on top of all this.   

    Song 5 exercise: Apollo ohnos ?

    FM by Steely Dan.  Did I mention Team 1 wasn’t doing many thrusters today?  Trivia: What does FM mean (Frequency modulation).  The line from the song “no static at all” is a comparative reference to what (AM radio).  What does AM mean (amplitude modulation).  Several PAX knew all these but Goose notably ate these questions up. YHC avoided asking any questions related to the origin of Steely Dan’s name.  

    Song 6 exercise: LBCs?

    LA woman by the Doors.  YHC shouldn’t have even asked Team 1 to get coupons today.  Trivia: YHC is thinking of 10 men’s professional sports teams in the LA area.  Name them.  Credit only starts after 6 are named.  (Rams, Chargers, Angels, Dodgers, Lakers, Clippers, LA Galaxy were all guessed. Others are Ducks, Kings, LA Football Club).  Then, name two women’s professional teams (Sparks (guessed), Angel City Football Club not guessed). 

    Song 7: WWI sit ups?

    Surrender by Cheap Trick. Name the place where Lee surrendered to Grant (Appomattox Courthouse).  Name the country that surrendered to end WWII (Japan). 

    Song 8 (bonus, 1 minute left)

    Kashmir by Led Zeppelin.  This song was sampled by what hip hop artist (Puff Daddy).  What was the name of that song?  At this point, Enron swooped in and answered the as-of-yet unasked question, what movie was the song in? (Godzilla).  This is the question that YHC didn’t think anyone would get the answer to, yet alone offer as a fact unsolicited.  

    By the way, the name of the song is “Come with me”.  Time ran out before YHC got to ask a few sweater-related questions (“No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for asking”).  And several songs remained unplayed, including one by Cream which would have made Popeye happy, along with some cooking related questions.  Maybe next time.    

    Announcements; Wet Tap prayed us out. 

    YHC is impressed once again by the dedication and effort of the PAX, and today their mental muscles were on display as well.  It was a privilege to Q this morning.  

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle  

  • Lab Rats – from Goose

    I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that YHC enjoys digging into the kinds of interpersonal dynamics that bring about surprising chemical, pscychological, emotional, and spiritual reactions. Like, why are we willing to undergo so much physical stress and call it fun when someone else is doing it with us for no reason to bad 80’s music? Why do we push so hard just because everyone else is? What moves us? What causes us to fear and move into self-preservation? What causes us to let go of our calculations and abandon ourselves to something bigger, even if that something is just a bunch of other goofballs crawling around sweating in the grass in the dark?

    The question we’d be covering today was “Why are we constantly wondering how we measure up to the men around us?” Like, why do we subconsciously measure one another to the point where we have a pretty good sense of where we stand in the pecking order of performance for pretty much every exercise? And, in whatever field/type of exercise where we don’t exactly know how we measure up, we are very motivated to find out.

    YHC was interested in breaking this down, to see how each man responded to the measuring process, and what that challenge did to his effort. The results were fascinating.

    After a substantial warmup including Lafayette Nightclubs (sans pelvic thrusts, for most of us), old school, clapping grass-grabbers, and carioca and skip running to the sidewalk and back, we completed yet another new kind of Indian Run. (YHC has been loving the creativity with these, so wanted to keep that train going, and knew we’d be sprinting with tight legs, so…) We took the mile track around Rich Man’s Loop and through Financially Stable Man’s Alley with the last man running back to the previous light pole before catching up to the front. Yes, this was a gamble, and yes, it led to a lot of running for some, especially Paradox, who ended up having to run the length of the alley approximately three times.

    Upon arrival back at the flag, YHC announced we’d be doing merkins to failure, but each man had to do more merkins than the guy to his left, otherwise he’d incur a 10 burpee penalty. And, you got to pick who you stood next to in line. Starting with Safety Valve, each man in turn chose a place in line where he thought he could do more merkins than the man to his left and less than the man on his right. Choices were made quickly–confirmation that each man already knows his place in the pecking order, or at least thinks he does.

    The only exception to this was Smooth Operator, who constantly reveals a deep, yet lighthearted appreciation for being challenged. He chose the front of the line, the strongest position, every single time. He wanted a reason to push hard, and he wanted the burpees. Seriously. He wasn’t just looking for attention. He loves being in over his head–it lights him up in a way that reveals a deep strength, a deep stability. It’s incredible to witness.

    Here were the exercises we got to (about half the ones on YHC’s list):
    -Merkins
    -Sprint (from AB’s truck to the Stop sign)
    -Plank
    -Overhead Press (coupons)

    For the merkins, the second half of the line monitored the first half for form and counting, then flip-flopped. There were definitely some miscalculations there, but nothing egregious. Most were at least within 5 of their expectations.

    The sprint was another story. I guess we just don’t do this enough, and when we do, we’re so focused on the guy we’re trying to beat or on our own need for oxygen that we don’t get a solid bead on the men around us. Cuz, Lil Cuz was lined up as second slowest, and when he blasted off the line in a powerful, white blur, all PAX knew they had chosen poorly. YHC thought later that it might have been better to have all run at once in order to have each be motivated by beating the man next to him, but we would have missed something special. The chance to watch each of the PAX powerfully give it all for almost 100 meters was a sight to behold. These are men we know, respect, and care about, so to witness each one in turn in full effect, at 100% capacity, really did something to the heart.

    This was followed by plank to failure. We chose our places in line, per usual, and then got into plank position, staggered, head to head with the men next to us. YHC didn’t know what to expect on this one, but the rest of the PAX seemed to. Safety Valve and AB lined up in what seemed to be pretty confident positions near the front (just behind Smooth), and after three or four minutes, were still planking. Paradox won his first of two awards for one-liners when he, noticing that two eye doctors were planking head to head to the death, said something about removing the plank from your brother’s eye. AB eventually melted in the face of quiet, smiling confidence, and only one or two guys had to do burpees.

    The overhead press was squeezed in with three minutes left, and after the planks and merkins, this proved to be a killer. Brains and shoulders were mush, as made clear by the amount of burpees owed afterward, so YHC just decided all would complete the 10 penalty burpees to transition us into a panting COT.

    The rugby shirt of competition was given to Valve for his impressive holdout in the eye-plank stare-down. YHC thought he was clever in offering the temporary nickname Plankopotamus, but Dox countered with his second award-winning line of the day, Plank Williams, Jr. (YHC is comfortable in my place in the pecking order, being the one who says things that are funny enough but really just serve as fodder for Dox’s wit cannon.)

    Thanks for being willing lab rats in the pitre dish of the sweaty test tube of the Bunsen muscle burner of the exerscience lab of man-fun.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Broken Down Burpee Combo Meal V 1.0 – from Kenna Brah

    A very breezy Monday, actual Flags and 5 PAX
    Mosey to the PAD for Warmers
    Arm circle circuit.
    Slow Vagodas/Grass Grabbers
    Drew Bress Stretch
    Close/Open the gate

    4 Minute Timer for each set- 4 Count per movement – 1 Min Rest then Next set
    5 Merkins
    5 Shoulder Tap
    5 Peter Parker
    5 Paker Peter
    5 Plank Jacks

    5 J Lows
    5 Pickel Pounders
    5 Mountain Climbers
    5 SSH
    5 HR Merkins

    5 Flutter Kicks
    5 Freddy Mercs
    5 Box Cutters
    5 LBC’s
    5 Wife Pleasers

    Some Broga

    Added Some Hanging Movement
    Reverse Merkins underhand and overhand 5 reps each
    10 Sec Hanging from Monkey Bars – 3x

    Shake out the arms, COT. Out!

  • Rugby: Played by men with odd-shaped balls – from America’s Best

    This day, the last day YHC could proclaim himself 47 years old, we would do what I’ve been waiting to do for a long long time: we would play rugby. YHC knew this would be a challenge, not only because of the length of time that has passed since I last touched a rugby ball, but because almost all of the PAX has likely not even watched rugby before. Luckily, Yankee Jeaux is a fellow Virginia rugger from the same era. What are the chances? YHC would lean heavily on YJ for help with this beatdown.

    Warmarama: Co-Q’ed by Yankee Jeaux (see?) as I tended to my ball.

    The first quick Thang (bc we can’t go straight to the fun):
    Ostensibly, we learned to slide-dive, by deconstructing it into a deep squat and a “Mike Tyson merkin.”
    This was actually just YHC’s way of introducing yet another type of merkin to the PAX. Someone asked: “Why are they called Mike Tyson merkins?”
    The answer is simple: Because that’s how Mike Tyson does them.

    The Main Event: Rugby

    For the first time in a quarter century, YHC donned his old rugby jersey.
    We held plank whilst the instructions and rules were outlined.
    And upon the start of play, there was much confusion. YHC almost immediately forgot one of the most important rules (allowing Goose to accidentally cheat), and YHC forgot Enron was on his team. And confusion runs downhill…

    The highlights:
    –Mom Jeans again materialized out of nowhere, and he and a shoeless Wet Tap made a living swatting passes down like Dikembe Mutombo.
    –Enron ran the sideline to the end line more than once… once as dummy half. He didn’t attempt the try but passed for a teammate to score… this caused great controversy and YHC has still not figured out if it was legal.
    –Safety Valve was awarded 1/3 of a point for kicking the ball into the top of an oak tree.
    –Cardinal and Lil Cuz caught on quickly and by halftime (there was one?) they actually looked like rugby players.
    –Goose and Paradox showcased a rivalry not seen since Deion Sanders and Jerry Rice.
    –Yankee Jeaux played with effortless confidence, shouting down the opposition with, “I wouldn’t recommend it” in a voice that was at once Michael Caine and also the “seats taken” kid from Forrest Gump.
    –Popeye lived offsides, realizing that creating mayhem was more fun.
    –Pope is fast.
    7:30 came way too soon and we moseyed back to the flags.

    COT.

    As the PAX lamented the (hopefully temporary) loss of Animal, Gigi, and The Fleece, YHC remembered he had an old practice jersey in the truck, and made a game-time decision to award it to “most competitive.”
    (“Most competitive” and “biggest cheater” are actually the identical award, with the former being a member of one’s own team, and the latter being an opponent.)

    Cardinal prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out my dudes. As always, I hope the fun outweighed the confusion.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

    AB Sees:
    An opportunity to ramble and reflect.

    This beatdown started as a tribute to my past, a swan song to my inner Uncle Rico. But it became a celebration of the present and future. The number 47 became significant to me 30 years ago, and I began see it everywhere… and I don’t just think it’s the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon. (If you need to know what that is, please see Dox, as I’d wager he’s already on the third page of his Google search results by now).
    So I always hoped that the age 47 would bring something meaningful. . .

    Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.”
    But Michael Jordan more eloquently said, “The ceiling is the roof.” Really makes you think. Perhaps the most profound thought, however, comes from 20th century philosopher William Madison, who said, “… the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution.”

    Where am I going with this? I have no idea.
    But I bid adieu to the past with this soon-to-be famous quote: “To everyone who wrote ‘stay cool’ in my middle school yearbook, I have some devastating news.”

    And the future? Well, in the past, the future was so bright, we had to wear shades.
    But that future is now the present. And now my future’s not so much bright as it is blurry, so I have to wear prescription multifocal lenses.

    So the present, it is a gift. Thanks to all of you for being a part of this extraordinary gift of F3 that came in my 47th year.

  • Stay off the grass. – from Popeye

    YHC arrived early to the den, noting a special kind of gloom in the air…
    Was it rain? No, looked good despite early forecasts. Perhaps the prospect of just two more days of work drudgery left in the week? No, my morning trek to the big sleazy and hours of staring at screens and tiresome conversations lied in wait.
    No, this special kind of gloom is the kind that brings a smirk to all smirkster’s faces… the kind of gloom one only gets to relish once in this life: when a VQ becomes a Q.
    Primed at the thought of getting comfortable being uncomfortable and sharing some positive pain with my fellow man, YHC dashed around the field of play like a cardboard sign fairy placing treats for the pax. It was going to be a fine morning.

    Warmarama:
    Imperial walkers (yes, a strict violation of protocol – one of YHC’s favorite things)
    Willie Mays Hays
    Mountain climbers
    (confessional about hating SSH)
    SSH x 50 just to throw fuel on the internal fire
    Wamarama complete, time to do some work.

    Preface:
    As most know, YHC has spent his adult life wearing the uniform of this great nation, and as such I felt compelled to share some similarities between F3 and military PT basics. Fun/bizarre names for calisthenics, “starting position move, in cadence – exercise!”, people taking it too seriously or not seriously enough – it’s the stuff that forms your foundation. But one specific element is different: in the service, you stay off the grass.
    For walking on the grass is indicative of a weak moral fiber; the man who needs to cut across the grass is the man who needs the shortcut. He’s the guy who fails to plan, and thus plans to fail. He’s the guy who orders his fitness regimen in a shot he can administer himself at home while watching sitcoms and eating chips.
    For today’s beatdown there were two rules:
    You rest in the forward-leaning rest position, and you stay off the grass; violations incur a 5 burpee fine.

    Thang 1:
    Pax directed to form 2 ranks. YHC immediately realized the pax were not accustomed to miltaryish terminology, so I directed 2 columns. Still not quite there, but it was time to mosey.
    Lap 1: Grass-free lap around the far reaches of the Harangarang, including the rarely-traveled sidewalk out front. Easy 20-30% effort pace, the kind that encourages chatter from the AB’s and Enrons of the world.
    Lap 2: The Pax upped the ante a bit, pushing the pedal to 60-70% effort. Not a sprint, but a heavy stride – the kind that breeds more gasp and less chatter. Lap ended in a pseudo-tunnel along the edge of the Harang center for fine arts and bullriding.

    Thang 2/Main event:
    The Pax were introduced to 5 stations:
    1 – 10 flights up near stairs; single or double step
    2 – 10 x WW3 sit ups + 10 Block-ees
    3 – 20 Bus Stop Derkins + 20 LBC’s
    4 – 20 Kettle/Coupon swings + 20 Apollo Ono (2=1)
    5 – 5 flights up yonder stairs, bunny hops

    Pax reluctantly broke into groups of 3, headed out to starting points, and we were off. Most teams made 3ish rounds of exercises, with YHC making some mental notes while playing third wheel to a Goose/Dox man date:
    – Not all stations are created equal, which disrupts the time/space continuum. Next time spread out the most painful station.
    – Even the JBL has its limits on the field of battle, the volume peaked but couldn’t really reach all stations (much to AB and YJ’s delight).
    – You never know who you’re going to meet at the bus stop! While derkining, MomJeans appeared out of thin air and joined in, and YHC was thankful for another member to break up the Dox/Goose blossoming bromance. As an aside, it was impossible not to be impressed with the bus stop’s solar-paneled roof – what is this, the future!?! Perhaps Thib is more progressive than I realized; I knew we were ahead of the times in teenager-looking eye doctors, but this was really inspiring.
    – Bunnies are underestimated in the animal kingdom, hopping doesn’t get easier the more you do it.
    – In a circuit format beatdown, insert rests, lest the the Pax take it upon themselves to insert slow strolls between stations like they’re browsing at TJ Maxx.

    Time was called and Aslan beckoned, with most Pax opting to traverse the grass and close out with a 5 burpee fine.

    Announcement:
    Downs 5k for Saturday, for those few who have miles left in them after RCR.

    COT / Ponzi prayed us out.

    Appendix: Appreciate the opportunity to lead the beatdown, and there will be more to come down the line. It’s funny how after being “in charge” so many times in my adult life, for a while now I’ve just enjoyed just doing as directed by the Q and seeing our brothers grow in ability and creativity. And it’s not lost on me that in the past I’ve led some people who are literally being paid to work out and push themselves physically don’t show the drive and passion and camaraderie we have amongst our group. Proud to be a part of this and SYITG.

  • The FNG – from Hawgcycle

    Fracsac noticed the FNG as he walked up to the flag this morning. Something wasn’t quite right. He looked to be in his 30s, muscular build, slicked back hair, calm demeanor. Frac gave a knowing glance to Mahatma. Mahatma nodded back. They both looked to Rudy, putting him into action. When I walked up Rudy was standing by the FNG, making small talk, gathering intel. He made sure I knew what was happening:

    “We have an FNG today Hawg.”

    I walked over to greet him: “Nice to meet you, I’m Craig.”

    “I’m Justin,” he replied.

    I turned to the group: “Alright, let’s get started,” I said. “A few more people than I was expecting.”

    The group understood what I was telling them – we have an FNG today and the F may not stand for Friendly. Everyone that is, except for Bogey. I could tell it was totally lost on him. That’s okay, the guys had recently had a training exercise called the Old Metairie Mosey where they learned how to take care of Bogey and keep him out of trouble. In the past I might have considered having Snooze put him in a sleeper hold and throw him in the trunk of Rudy’s Mini Cooper while the rest of us mosey to the warm-up. Not necessary today. We were prepared to handle the FNG and Bogey.

    We moseyed to the warm-up spot: SSH x 25, IW x 25, LSS x 20, Tempo Merks x 15, LBC x 20, Superman x 10, Superman to Boat x 3. At this point some of the guys were getting a little nervous. Thumb War asked if I was making that exercise up. This was his way of asking if I had a plan for what might go down today. I assured him that we were all well-prepared.
    “No Thumb War, we’ve been doing that exercise for a long time. It’s an oldie, but a goodie.”
    Thumb War started to settle down a little. We then finished the warm-up with a 10! Progression of Merkins, Squats, and Big Boi Sit-Ups. After finishing the FNG broke his silence.

    He smiled and said “that was a good one.”

    He was calm, breathing normally. This might be tougher than we thought.

    We moseyed to the Tool Wall where we did Calf Raises x 25, Squats x 20 Left Leg Calf Raises x 16 and Right Leg Calf Raises x 16. Then to the Little Foundry.
    On the mosey to the Little Foundry, Catfish pulled up beside me.

    “I’ve worn out my flip flops, but I don’t plan on losing one today. You know what I am saying.”

    The brand of flip flops Catfish and I wear are Locals. I knew what he was saying.

    “I hear you.” I replied.

    “I plan on protecting my flip flops at any cost. You get my drift?”

    “Yes. I understand.” I replied.

    “I’m not going to let any foreign objects destroy them. Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?”

    “Yes, Catfish. I get it.”

    “The flip flops we wear are Locals. You understand what I really mean when I say flip-flops, right?”

    “Yes….”

    “So if I have trouble with my flip-flops, you can help me protect them, right?”

    “Don’t worry. I got you.”

    “Sorry, I have to ask, you understand I’m not really worried about my flip-flops, right?”

    At this point, I decided to set his mind at ease. “When we get to the Little Foundry, we will pair up. You take the FNG.”

    “Pair up? Are we still talking about my flip-flops?”

    “…”

    At the Little Foundry we paired up. Catfish was with the FNG. Still slightly confused he kept taking off his flip-flops, matching them together and then putting them back on his feet. We did two rounds of six stations EMOM: Burpees x 15, Dips x 25, Pull-ups x 15, Box Jumps x 20, Dips x 20, Pull-ups x 15.

    The FNG was unfazed.

    As we moseyed to the track he started in with the questions. He wasn’t very subtle.

    “So you all have been doing F3 for about 10 years?”…”Are you all originals?”…etc.

    Our suspicions were being confirmed. Frac called for Cheesesteak to meet us at the track.
    At the track I let everyone know they needed to keep their pairs. “I’ve got them on my feet!” yelled out Catfish.

    “Not what I’m….Okeedookie.” I said.

    One Pax sprinted a 200 while the other jogged across the infield to meet him. I paired up with Cheesesteak and told him to go first with Catfish. That allowed me to keep an eye on the FNG. Cheeseteak and Catfish were the first to finish the 200. Catfish tagged the FNG about 15 feet ahead of Cheeseteak tagging me. I was hoping Catfish would have taken a notch off so that I could have started with the FNG, but I think he was still thinking about his flip-flops. Nevertheless, I was prepared to run as hard as I needed to keep up with the FNG. I caught him before the first curve. What was he doing? He knows I am trying to keep an eye on him? My momentum carried me past him. He’s smarter than I thought. He knows how fit I am. I can’t run that slow. I finished my 200 about 20 meters ahead of him. Luckily Catfish made up the distance and the FNG and I always started at nearly the same time. However, I couldn’t help but smoke him each time. It’s a weakness. I’m too fast.

    We completed a mile and circled up on the infield for some Mary: Crunchy Frog x 15, Wife Pleasers x 10, Nolan Ryans x 10 on each side (message sent loud and clear), Dying Cockroaches x 15

    We moseyed back to the flag for the COT. Here we go…..

    El Guapo kicked us of with Count-o-rama, followed by Name-o-rama. It was time to signal to the group my assessment. I asked the FNG to step to the middle. Right on cue Frac pointed out that I had not announced my self in Name-o-rama. We had everyone’s attention.

    “Craig Parten, Hawgcycle, 47.”

    Mahatma called out. “Liar, you aren’t 47!”

    Our message to the pax was that no one can be trusted. We have a liar in our midst and he is about to be outed.

    “You’re right,” I replied with a smile. “I’m a liar. Justin, step to the middle. Tells us about yourself.”

    At this point the FNG steps to the center and starts to talk about how he is from Virgina, how he is in town on a vacation, how his Uncle told him about F3.

    “What is your uncle’s name?” asked Squints.

    “Sam,” came the reply. He clearly thinks we are idiots.

    The FNG continued to rattle on about his family, his dogs, how he loves to workout, etc.

    Frac had heard enough. He took a step forward. We all did the same. “Why don’t you tell us who you really are.” We all took one more step forward, closing in on the FNG.

    What happened next is classified by the U.S. Government.

  • St. Joseph’s Day Run – from Charmin

    YHC took the day off of work since it was the Feast Day of St. Joseph (Jesus’s foster father). Posting in the gloom, YHC did not plan on being the Q, but this tends to happen on Running days, where everyone ends up doing their own thing.

    With Knotters going backwards, and runners going forward, it wasn’t long before YHC was approached by what appeared to be a Mummy, but ended up being someone looking to cause a little Mayhem.

    Speaking of Mayhem, the Chaos Monkey himself was in rare form, although no one is quite sure what he was doing.

    Having enough of this, and curious as to what the Knotters were doing, YHC walked over to see that Scantron and Triple were doing one thing and Rou was doing something else. Not surprised by this, YHC decided to follow Scantron’s lead.

    We all ended up back at the proverbial shovel flag to end in a COT.

    Prayers were lifted up, and the intercession of St. Joseph was asked to help us all become better men and men who search for the heart of Jesus.