F3 New Orleans

Category: Northshore

  • 4-Mile Mayhem – from Shooter

    This is nowhere near as epic as the previous one, but we did our best with less time. I hope you all enjoy:

    The sun had barely risen when Shooter, smelling faintly of gunpowder and deer pee, rallied the troops for a 4-mile run through the suburban wilderness. Clad in camo shorts and suspicious confidence, he declared, “If we see a squirrel, it’s dinner.”

    Waterpik, always fresh from a fluoride rinse and reeking of peppermint, warned everyone to floss or die. He spent most of the run critiquing everyone’s gum health between wheezes.

    Bushwacker tried to take a shortcut through some hedges, screaming “I’m one with the landscape!” before tripping over a sprinkler head and performing a full scissor-kick dismount into someone’s rosebush. Nature: 1, Bushwacker: bloodied. It’s not the first time we has scissoring during a beatdown in Mandeville

    Hammer, the group’s legal eagle, spent the entire run drafting a class-action lawsuit against cardio. He cited mental anguish, chafing, and unsolicited motivational phrases as grounds for litigation. He began quoting 80s legal dramas, which most of us could not recall. We simply pleaded the 5th.

    Ballz Deep, who insists tennis counts as both cardio and therapy, ran in short shorts and a headband, aggressively grunting with every step like he was serving at Wimbledon. People stared. Children cried. He never broke pace.

    Then came Jose10k, part educator, part miracle worker, and fully out of place among this testosterone-fueled chaos. He delivered inspirational quotes mid-stride and tried to turn the run into a teachable moment. Unfortunately, nobody passed his pop quiz on “Proper Pacing and You.” So he decided to Ruck. He was going to quote Dangerous Minds while listening to Coolio, just to change up his play list to appease Cowbell.

    They finished the 4 miles sweaty, slightly broken, and somehow closer than ever. No records were broken, but egos certainly were. One thing’s for sure: adult fitness looks less like a Nike ad and more like a comedy sketch filmed in slow motion.

    Same time next week? God help us.

  • Elevens at The Gipper – from Einstein

    Nice and cool at The Gipper this morning ~ 45 degrees & low humidity

    WARMUP: windmills, toe touch, side straddle hops, shoulder rolls, hi-jack hi-jills,
    snap crackle pops, book covers, side to side lunges, backward lounges, etc.

    THANG:
    Mosey to the Justice Center Courthouse
    Set of Elevens; 10 burpees to start, run up the steps, 1 merkin at the top,
    run down and around to starting point, and descend/ascend.

    Mary: none, no time left

    T-Claps to Moby (74.99452054794520547945205479452055 y.o.) for doing a good job on the running.

    Barely Legal prayed us out with intentions for his Mom and for Fletch’s Mom

  • Workout Review: Grandmas House, The Marsh of Madness Rated R for Ridiculousness, Regret, and Rampant Burpee Abuse. An movie inspired back blast for a resident film editor: Steve – from Steve

    This morning’s workout was led by none other than Steve, a man with the calm demeanor of a yoga instructor and the workout intensity of a caffeinated Navy SEAL. Spirits were high, the weather was decent, and then—it happened. Frank opened his mouth.
    STARRING

    Steve as The Relentless Commander
    Fitness guru? Torture artist? Hard to say. Wears a watch that doesn’t tell time—it tells reps.

    Frank as The Unfiltered Oracle. He was the reason we couldn’t keep cadence
    Speaks only in political hot takes May or may not be sponsored by FoxNews.

    Shooter as The Deer Whisperer
    Disappears in the woods, can camp out with just a tarp and a stick. If the emp hits us, the only one of us who could survive because he know how to purify his own urine.

    Russo as The Conspiracy Theorist
    Chem trails, JFK assassination, Bigfoot, he knows all of the worlds secrets. Keeps a personal vendetta against half-reps.

    Jose10k as The Distance Demon
    Runs 10K before the workout just to feel warm. Laughs at burpees because he rely does them. Rumored to have an actual sponsorship from Advil.

    What followed was less a fitness session and more a live taping of a political stand-up special. The laughter was so violent, we couldn’t keep cadence or count. Hell, at one point I think someone tried to do a jumping jack and just fell over laughing. It was chaos. Steve tried to restore order like a desperate substitute teacher, but the image of Frank talking politics and Trump had the floor—and the filibuster.

    Eventually, we moseyed to the marsh, where Steve unveiled his twisted plan. Every stop sign became a mini-Hell: 5 Kraken burpees , 10 Sister Mary Catherines 10 and gas pumps
    Now Steve claimed it was “only 5 Kraken burpees,” but time warped. I aged. I saw my ancestors. I met a raccoon who offered me a cigarette and said, “You don’t wanna go back in there.”

    Sadly (or perhaps wisely), I had to leave early. But here’s how I imagine it played out after my escape:

    Final Act: “Marshageddon”

    Steve, shirtless and shimmering with sweat like a demigod forged in pre-workout, leads the group deeper into the foggy marsh. Frank, in spirit form, still monologuing about the federal reserve, is doing bear crawls backward while reciting Reagan speeches.

    Suddenly, Steve bellows, “MERMAN DRILLS!” Everyone dives into a stagnant puddle. Two men don’t resurface. Gas pumps evolve into explosive gas pump combos. Sister Mary descends from the heavens with a kettlebell and blesses the pain.

    The final challenge? Shooter pulling his Fit out of the marsh using only resistance bands and pure arm strength.

    They return to the parking lot mud-soaked, spiritually broken, and somehow stronger. No one speaks. They simply nod, silently agreeing to never speak of this morning again.

    10/10.
    Would recommend to people I hate.
    Bring a towel, a therapist, and maybe a priest.

    After COT, there is a post credit scene.
    [POST-CREDITS SCENE: “Marsh of Madness” – The Swamp Strikes Again]

    Fade in: eerie silence. Fog hangs low over the marsh. A single stop sign stands crooked, half-submerged in murky water.

    [Camera pans slowly…]

    A lone figure appears in the distance… it’s Frank, shirtless, wearing compression shorts and Crocs. He’s holding a whiteboard and a megaphone.

    Frank (yelling into the void):
    “Let’s talk about the real reason burpees were invented—government control!”

    The marsh ripples. Something stirs beneath the surface.

    [Suddenly, bubbles rise… a Kraken tentacle shoots up, slapping the whiteboard out of his hands.]

    Frank (unfazed):
    “Oh, you’ve been listening to the mainstream media workout plans, haven’t you?”

  • Well, that was unexpected!! – from Shooter

    With Bushwacker calling out YHC a few days prior, the anxiety of what to bring and complete ranged in scope. Shall I have the PAX complete the normal routine, perhaps a follow the leader or maybe just make it up as we go. The latter prevailed and with the help of a cylinder block, ruck plate and the golden dice we made the best of it..
    Brief warmup 10-15 IC Imperial walkers, Cherry Pickers, Torso twists, good mornings, Hillbillies and SSH. Loop around the block.

    Thang
    Stations R1
    Bear crawl
    Squat thrusters
    Kettle swings
    Burpee broad jumps
    Lunges
    Once all PAX through the round, moseyed loop.
    R2
    Overhead press
    Curls
    Carioca
    Bunny hops
    Crawl Bear
    Loop around adding 10Merkins at each corner.
    R3
    Big boys with block
    American hammers with plate
    Backward suicides
    25% half court 50% full court

    Finished with count, announce of Mobys 75th birthday Q Friday at A1c, Trucoats 50th on Sunday and F2 Extravaganza on May 10th hosted by Barely Legal..

    Hoping all received their moneys worth and until the next Gloom 👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • Well, that was unexpected!! – from Shooter

    With Bushwacker calling out YHC a few days prior, the anxiety of what to bring and complete ranged in scope. Shall I have the PAX complete the normal routine, perhaps a follow the leader or maybe just make it up as we go. The latter prevailed and with the help of a cylinder block, ruck plate and the golden dice we made the best of it..
    Brief warmup 10-15 IC Imperial walkers, Cherry Pickers, Torso twists, good mornings, Hillbillies and SSH. Loop around the block.

    Thang
    Stations R1
    Bear crawl
    Squat thrusters
    Kettle swings
    Burpee broad jumps
    Lunges
    Once all PAX through the round, moseyed loop.
    R2
    Overhead press
    Curls
    Carioca
    Bunny hops
    Crawl Bear
    Loop around adding 10Merkins at each corner.
    R3
    Big boys with block
    American hammers with plate
    Backward suicides
    25% half court 50% full court

    Finished with count, announce of Mobys 75th birthday Q Friday at A1c, Trucoats 50th on Sunday and F2 Extravaganza on May 10th hosted by Barely Legal..

    Hoping all received their moneys worth and until the next Gloom 👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • Jose10K’s Sweat-Fest Recap: Moby is a lean, mean, fighting machine – from Jose10k

    So there we were—5 a.m., still basically night, but nature decided to bless us with 78 degrees of muggy disrespect, lightly garnished with a breeze that said, “This is the best you’re getting, deal with it.”

    Darkwing and Fletch rolled in, and with them, a historic moment: the legendary Run Cajun Run shirt was finally returned to its rightful owner—cue the slow clap. And of course, Old Faithful Moby showed up, reliable as that one knee that pops every time you stand up.

    We kicked it off with 5 minutes of warm-ups—code for “let’s convince our joints not to mutiny.” After a good stretch that felt like we were all auditioning for a Richard Simmons “Sweating to the Oldies” yoga DVD, we made our way to the courthouse for a classic round of 11s.

    Here’s the deal:
    • Merkins at the bottom
    • Run up the courthouse steps like Rocky Balboa
    • Hit the Copperhead Squats at the top—slow, painful
    • Then a leisurely jog all the way back down and around the courthouse, which somehow gets bigger every round.

    Repeat. For 45 glorious minutes. A symphony of sweat, pain, and the occasional existential crisis.

    The mumble chatter was strong—somewhere between therapy session and roast battle. Next Friday, Moby turns 75, which means his cue is legally required to contain both wisdom and at least one threat of injury. Tomorrow is Marsh Madness, where a new champion will be crowned. And don’t forget May 10th—Barely Legal is throwing down with the second annual F2 Extravaganza.
    Jose10K out. May your soreness be short and your coffee strong.

  • Hello to the muggies!! – from Shooter

    Almost forgot what it felt like to be sweating by the first stop sign. This gloom provided a reminder of what is soon to come. The Muggies are back and so is Cowbell..
    5 PAX posted for the Scramble
    10k Rucked, Steve and Cowbell paced and Waterpik and YHC moseyed.
    We made it back and wrapped up with some core.

    Appreciate the post and until the next Gloom
    👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • April 1,000 2025 – from Grundy

    Scratch sound followed by the following message…

    “We did 1,000 reps combined of burpees and Bobby Hurleys. We also moved weights in a bucket and a cinder block.”

    … We now return you to your show already in progress.

  • April Fool’s Workout: The Legend of Grundy and the Bucket of Doom – from Grundy

    This morning, the sun rose on an unsuspecting group of warriors, ready for another classic April Fool’s workout. Grundy, our fearless leader, arrived with Jose Russo Bushwacker Shooter, who may or may not be a real person but certainly sounded like a guy who meant business. We all chuckled, debating whether we should start with a solid 30 minutes of warm-ups or just dive into the rich history of pranks from workouts past. But no—Grundy was in no mood for jokes today. He had a bucket full of stones and a soul full of vengeance.

    The madness began immediately. One unlucky soul had to carry the Bucket of Doom all the way to the stage, where they were rewarded with 10 burpees—a true sign that life is unfair—before running it back to the group. Meanwhile, the rest of us embraced the suffering with burpees, because why not add to the chaos with a running cumulative total? Once the poor fool with the bucket survived, we transitioned to our next task: carrying the Block of Destiny up and down the stairs, a shuttle run from Hades itself.

    But wait—there’s more. We then formed a circle to partake in what can only be described as the most ridiculous exercise ever invented. Each of us paraded our blocks down the corridor with the grace of a newborn giraffe, before planking and sliding our coupon back like we were human curling stones.

    Then, things got weird. Dragons descended from the heavens. Fire-breathing lizards engaged in aerial combat. Grundy, now completely unhinged, lifted 400 blocks with a single pinky while cackling like a supervillain. Burpees and squats continued as monstrous creatures clashed in an epic battle of strength and agility.

    And just when it seemed like things couldn’t get any wilder…

    Oh wait. April Fool’s.

    But seriously, we’re all sore now.

    Come out to the A1C on April 11th for Moby’s Birthday Q. He’s turning 75!!

  • Milestone marsh – from Waterpik

    Mosey to lakefront stopping at each intersection. Exercises (sets of 5) were
    Burpees, Peter Parker’s, crunchy frogs, Bobby Hurleys, stone mountains. Rinse and repeat to the lakefront and back.

    Have a good week guys.