F3 New Orleans

Tag: Americas Best

  • Country For Old Men – from Honeysuckle

    Jason Aldean was the flame. Boot Scootin Goosie was the fuse. It was only a matter of time until the country beatdown would occur. And friend-o, that day was today.
    On a dew-filled morning at the stage, fourteen men gathered eventually and the fun began.

    Warmarama
    20 Side straddle hops (YHC would have made it 40 if Tana had been there on time)
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward and back’ard
    No cherry pickers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    As all required Jurps no longer need to take place prior to doing anything else, yet realizing that leaving a full four Jurps for the PAX to have to do OYO after a beatdown is a little too much, we split the difference and did two Jurps as part of the beatdown. As to not waste time, the country music started with “I think I’ll just stay here and jurp” by Merle Haggard. Piccadilly jumped in after the first round started but so smoothly it was as though he just appeared out of thin air. Despite the excessively long instrumental outro, a second song was needed so that the second jurp could be completed by the PAX so that was [this is taking a very long] “Tulsa Time” by Don Williams.
    Then, a coupon mosey to get the hard stuff.

    The first thang
    The next part was a small homage to what played no small part in putting country music into pop culture (and eventually into a cult with popeye), which was the movie Urban Cowboy. (That movie also put mechanical bulls into every honky tonk bar.) Both songs are by Jerry Lee, with the first being “Cherokee Fiddle.” We did V-ups during the song, but during the chorus (“When he smelled the smoke and the cinders…”), we grabbed our own cinders and did manmakers.

    The second song was “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” YHC looked at points total per Jurptoberfest exercise and found the two exercises with the fewest points. These at that time were big boy situps and curls, so by doing these we would be looking for points in all the wrong places. So similar to the previous song, BBS’s during the song and curls during the chorus. Enron had been preparing for this moment his whole life and really shone during those curls. As did Cuz.

    YHC after the fact proposed the equivalent of a “standard deduction” for points earned during the first thang. This is because there were no sheets to write down the number of each exercise the PAX did, so many PAX did not really know how many points they earned. Inadvertently, in doing so, YHC perhaps initiated a bout of points inflation that a future hawkish Q will have to clean up. The overall jurptober impact remains to be seen. Analysts are saying that the biggest impact is likely to be in the manmaker category as they represent the largest number of points per exercise.

    The second thang
    The second thang was going to take longer and finish out the workout. The song “Redneck Girl” has always been a favorite, next to “Queen of my double wide trailer”. But in “Redneck Girl”, the Bellamy Brothers highlight all of the desirable qualities of these types of women. One of these is that a redneck girl has her name on the back of her belt. In honor of that line, we did a conveyor belt exercise.

    There were 5 stations where these five activities were done, with bear crawls in between.
    Station 1: V-ups (20)
    Station 2: Merkins (20)
    Station 3: Bonnie Blairs (20, I think we all know by now it’s 2:1)
    Station 4: Big Boy Situps (20)
    Station 5: Burpees (10)

    Four stations were populated with PAX leaving one open station for at least a little freedom of movement for one group. All PAX in a group were supposed to stay together and couldn’t go to the next station until the group at that station left. But I’m sure Yankee Joe could spend multiple lectures covering case studies highlighting what PAX are “supposed to do” versus what they actually do. And I just completed an internship.

    Now, if you liked the loitering and waiting in Saturday’s beatdown, you would LOVE the conveyor belt. There was ample opportunity to trash talk teams taking too long, and those opportunities were seized. However, the waiting was sort of a feature because otherwise there were no real breaks. Just like in a honky tonk bar, there were even PAX getting up on the tables doing their thing. In the end, everyone made it through two rounds, in most/all cases also finishing a third set of the exercise where the respective PAX began.

    During this time, we got to additionally hear “John Deere Green” by Joe Diffie, “Hard Workin’ Man” by Brooks and Dunn, and most of “L. A. Freeway” by Jerry Jeff Walker. The soundtrack was well received overall, though one PAX couldn’t take it and left. And I expect to continue to not hear country music during my next eye exam.

    We circled up, counted off, named off, did announcements, intentions, and Pope prayed us out. Dox pictured us out.

    After the coupon return and general cleanup, around 10 PAX stayed and finished up the Jurps. Gotta love and admire the dedication of this group. Smooth, showing next level determination and grit, grinded out his last Jurp with everyone just sort of standing around him and Goose holding the shovel.

    Much appreciation to the PAX for being hard workin’ men today and even feeling comfortable enough to share that they enjoy listening to country music only if chipmunks are singing it. It is great to celebrate the recent birthdays, and while some of these songs remind us that the world and our lives keep changing as we get older, many fundamental things don’t change, and for myself at least, F3 continues to provide a way to improve physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength to stay in the fight now and hopefully for many years to come.

  • Looked Better on Paper – from Goose

    YHC felt pretty proud of the continued creativity necessary to keep jurps and points rolling after almost three full weeks of beatdowns. And this morning was a particular point of pride because YHC was going to introduce the PAX to a classic routine that was a huge part of YHC’s F3 foundation while also racking up an obscene amount of points. At least, that was the plan.
    Warmup brought a welcomed razzing from YJ (the now-usual absence of he and Dox have made for some unusually quiet warmups). Then, we grabbed coupons out of the truck and made a ring around Enron (at the second sidewalk). He declined to be the center of attention, saying something about his tempo squat form, and we commenced three rounds of jurps. But, since YHC was Q-ing, the whole group had to nurse a rotator cuff injury, so we replaced the 10 groiners with 10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1). It was tough, and it definitely took longer than 10 minutes; a good bit longer.
    YHC took the opportunity to fit in a quarter-mile lap around the building while the anchors finsihed the last round to Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” cranking out of the impeccable sounds of the Oontz. And, we needed to keep half the PAX from building up points while they waited for the rest to finish–especially the ones not on YHC’s team.
    The time had come to share the foundational gift of the Classic Deck of Death. With the dawn of the newer F3 cards with a different exercise on each, the classic routine has fallen deep into the dark middle range of the Exicon. Well, not today! Today each suit represented an exercise, and it would remain that way for the duration–so, only four exercises, and the number on the card drawn would be the number of reps. But, the face cards are bad news–they mean high reps and a harder version of the exercise of their suit. The suits were assigned as follows:

    Hearts: Merkins; Face cards: 20 shoulder-tap merkins
    Clubs: V-ups; Face cards: 20 X-factors (lying spread eagle, hand goes up to meet opposite foot, like a half v-up)
    Spades: Bonnie Blairs; Face cards: 20 Goosies
    Diamonds: Curls (but 2x the rep numbers); Face cards: 40 curls
    All Aces: lap around the building

    You can imagine why YHC would have figured on racking up points, especially since YHC remembers getting almost through an entire deck during beatdowns on the Northshore. But, they didn’t do three rounds of Bonnie Blair Jurpees and a quarter-mile lap before starting. And, somehow it took an average of 30 seconds for each PAX to turn over a card, stare at it like it they were having to decipher some sort of ancient language, read it out to the group, and then half the PAX ask for him repeat it loudly because they couldn’t hear it over Chicago’s “25 or 6 to 4”. So, we only got through about a third of the deck and one other Ace, which brought the total up to a measly half mile.
    Total numbers of reps were:
    -3 jurps
    -71 Merkins
    -59 Bonnie Blairs
    -55 V-ups (2:1 x-factors counted as 1)
    -78 Curls
    And, for those who ran a couple more laps after COT, 1 mile.

    YHC appreciated the PAX’s willingness to push through, especially the Bonnies and Goosies, despite the supposed promise of some fun games of chance. (Instead, they got “Just turn over the next card and we’ll do one of four things.”) Honestly, it’s more interesting when you know you’re gonna get through the whole deck, so the torturous cards are comin’…it’s only a matter of time before your luck runs out.

    Announcements, Animal shirt went to the well-deserving Hypotenuse, whose quiet perseverance is admirable, though YHC looks forward to when he starts slinging witty mud at YJ like the rest of us. America’s Best prayed us out.
    Lastly, it was awesome as YHC was driving out to see more than one of the men accompanying the still recovering Smooth around the civic center as he refused to not complete his mile. Proud to be a part of such an awesome crew!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • “But Wait, There’s More!” by America’s Best – from Yankee Joe

    There was once a time, before all of this handheld, on-demand streaming gluten-free wifi entertainment, a time when men were men, and Boyz II Men, and ABC, BBD (East Coast Family). In these grueling times, if one were to lie sleepless at night, the only solace was whatever happened to be on the TV… which was almost always the Infomercial. A late night beacon through the (brain) fog, the Infomercial beckons: “Give me your clumsy, your stupid, your flummoxed masses…”

    Smooth Operator was already on site as YHC pulled up this morning; this dude never fails to impress with his punctuality, commitment, and demeanor after working 12 hours. Also, in spite of being here first, he doesn’t steal anyone else’s parking spot. The brief parking spot controversy this morning was broken by a shadowy figure emerging from the gloom, cloaked both in darkness and a red hoodie. This was the signal- it was time to begin.

    Warmarama:
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Now, as the chatter rose, a confidential informant (we’ll just call him “Elliot”) murmurs an aside to YHC: when the PAX ups the chatter, it’s time to drop the hammer.

    And so began Warmarama++(AKA ”The Jurp Store Called and They’re Running out of You”):
    23 Tempo squats
    18 or so mtn climbers
    20 tempo merkins
    15 mtn climbers
    Then the rest of the Jurp on your own. (Somewhere around this time Hypotenuse appears, and YHC could go off on a tangent about that here… but we all know tangents never reference Hypotenuses.)

    With the first Jurp completed, it was time to mosey.

    The Thang:
    While actually planning a Thang of completely different proportions for this morning, YHC began to notice that certain Jurpaple exercises were actually contained within other more complicated maneuvers.
    And so, much like the hapless characters in the first half of most “how many times has this happened to you” infomercials, we would go about getting our Jurp points the hard way.

    Let me explain. No, there is too much… let me sum up:

    First, the Jurps. The Jurpee is the OG Granddaddy Longlegs of overdoing it. To this point, there was some sort of objection that “you actually get more points from Jurping than by just doing Burpees,” but luckily, YHC had the mental toughness to block that kind of positivity out. And the PAX completed the buy-in.

    21s (Curls): the bottom half of a curl 7 times, the top half of a curl 7 times, then 7 full curls. Lots of extraneous work for 7 curls. There was a bit of debate over whether ½ curl + ½ curl =1 curl. Ultimately, YHC used his executive “boat captain” power to declare only full curls are full curls. And thus, while a total of 56 additive curls were done, only 28 were scored. And there was much groaning (but not as much as there likely was after that hypotenuse joke).

    NUR one lap

    Breakdancer Merkins: “How many times has this happened to you? You’re trying to Merkin, then one arm shoots up in the air, while the opposite leg flails out in front of you?”
    Dox feigned ignorance, then took it to another level, breakdancing with Merkins in-between. YHC is pretty sure there was even a headspin in there. (Which may be why he blacked out during his performance and has no memory of it).

    Dying Cockroaches: Almost a V-up? Maybe half a V-up, and then another half? Also confusing because no two people do this exercise the same way. In fact, YHC (very awkwardly) demonstrated it, then performed it in a totally different fashion. Either way, you get zero points for whatever bastard child of a V-up this is.

    NUR! Another lap

    WWIII Situps: If you don’t hate these yet, you haven’t done enough of them. Please let YHC know.

    Goosies: Like the old saying goes: “If you wanna get some Bonnie Blair, sometimes you gotta cop a Squat for free.”

    —-End black-and-white portion of the infomercial—

    Thang 1.5 —Welcome to Oz— (the Colorized portion of the infomercial)

    Now it is time to do things the “Easy Way.” YHC offered a brief respite to recount a story… years ago, a friend, frustrated at the supermarket, was cursing at some avocados when suddenly she was approached by a strange woman. “Oh deary, calm yourself…. don’t you know about the ‘Easy Way’?”
    This was one of those seemingly innocuous statements that also sounds a lot like an invitation to join a cult. Other examples include “Come, Sit at the Welcome Table,” and “Free Men’s Workout.”

    For the remainder of the Thang, we will do only what is necessary to garner Jurp points (AKA the Easy Way)

    Now Run! Like normal human persons!

    Burpees! (some far-off mumbling again about total Burpee vs Jurpee efficiency, probably)
    Coupon Curls! YHC has to give credit to Enron for inspiring all the curls in this beatdown… he has done them in such large quantities YHC figured they might be a welcome break. YHC was wrong.

    RUN Again!

    Merkins! Regular ones, where you get points for exactly what you are doing.
    V-ups! Same!

    And, I’m sorry we are out of time.

    Animal was bestowed upon Yankee Joe.

    Dox prayed us out.

    Afterword: “High Impact Men” only begins to describe the members of this PAX. Hope you guys are as motivated by YHC as YHC is by you all. Honored to be a part of the PAX, and so thankful for those who said to YHC that fateful day, “Come, Sit at the Welcome Table”

    SYITG,
    AB

  • Glory Hogs – from Goose

    It was Day 2 of finding creative ways to rack up a ton of points in the Jurptober By-You Spreadsheet Challenge, so before it gets old, YHC decided to fill this beatdown with valuable exercises.

    As YHC and Pope parked in a relatively empty parking lot, we wondered if it’d be slim pickins for what YHC hoped would be an exciting challenge. But, AB quickly pulled up, and then Hypotenuse emerged from a truck that has not yet imprinted itself on YHC’s PAX radar. Then, thankfully, six more dudes flowed in, Honeysuckle wearing a new shirt that embodies the spirit of F3–it says “Honeysuckle” below a graphic from what looks to be an album cover from the early 70’s. Upon questioning, he revealed that Honeysuckle was/is in fact a band, but that no further details are known. By anyone.

    YHC was struck by the fact that, besides Smooth and Pope, this group was a totally different group than the one that posted yesterday morning. It’s awesome to see that we’re up to enough guys to have solid numbers despite the fact that people don’t typically post every day. But, it also meant that only the three of us would benefit from multiple days this week of jacked up beatdown points. So be it.

    After a warmup of the usuals, up to the full 20 reps since YHC is getting old, we moseyed to get coupons. Upon returning, the coupons were placed in the middle of the field so as to outline a square, about 10 yards across. After the needed two rounds of Jurps OYO, the square became a professional wrestling ring and the PAX partnered up for a Tag Team Royal Rumble. Here’s the rules:
    While Partner 1 cranked out a given exercise in the ring until he needed a break, Partner 2 ran around the track waiting to be tagged in. Exercises changed every five minutes. Men in the ring weren’t allowed to take breaks or rest–if you needed to stop/take a break, you had to run to your partner and tag him in. The Partner 2 got the chance to earn points while the timer ticked and famous “tag team” musical duos rocked the field via the power of Oontz (he did pretty well sitting up on top of a coupons).

    The exercises were: burpees, V-ups, merkins, Bonnie Blairs, Big Boi Situps, and curls. And, just like in professional wrestling, the glory only goes to the one in the ring, and though the Q clearly stated that there was to be no resting in the ring, there were still some glory hogs who seemed to be bent on intentionally robbing their partners of the opportunity to shine. This may have been because partners weren’t on the same Jurpee teams, or because of Oontz’s ability to drive men’s hearts with clarity and bass. it may have also been the quality of YHC’s Tag Team playlist, which expertly combined songs like “Whoomp, There it Is” by Tag Team, “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkel, and “Think About It” by Flight of the Conchords specifically to invoke the greatest possible interior response and enhance the brain’s capacity to log multiple numbers while continuing to count new reps and laps around the track (8 times = a mile). Nothing syncs the neurons like Kriss Kross followed immediately by the Dooby Brothers.

    When the sugar plant whistle blew at 6:00 (that’ll be a nice way to keep time for a few months), every man did his best to repeat his numbers in his foggy mind so they didn’t float away with the cool breeze. Circled up, counted off, Animal went to Cardinal (where it will likely hibernate for the winter), and Honeysuckle prayed us out.
    After prayer, a number of the PAX ran a few more laps to get finish out the second mile, and then we trickled out of the parking lot. Awesome work this morning, fellas! Y’all make it worth the effort!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Prost! An Oktoberfest Origin Story – from Yankee Joe

    The year is 1976. A piercing cry breaks through the pre-dawn gloom of the small hamlet in West Germany.

    “Nein, Frau Best, it’s ok… he’s supposed to look like that…”

    After several hours of counseling and education that you cannot “trade in” a baby, the young mother finally concedes. She brings the youngling home, hoping to place him in a side show or perhaps a “world’s hairiest baby” contest.

    A few months pass, and (as per German tradition) the infant is abandoned in the Black Forest with only a six-pack of Bitburger Pils.
    The memories of that youngling’s first year of life in that forest, memories only of beer, bears, and pain, fueled this morning’s beatdown. . .

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Toy soldiers
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Butt kicks
    High knees
    Self love

    Mosey to the truck to pick up “Brew-pons”.

    Thang 1:
    German Volumetric Training (or YHC’s bastardization if it)
    10 exercises, 10 reps each. All Merkins, all the time
    In some particular order:
    Fingertip Merkins
    Diamond Merkins
    Crucible Merkins
    Sphinx Merkins (2=1)
    Man maker Merkins (2=1)
    Knurkins
    Creature Merkins (2=1)
    Superman Merkins
    Derkins
    Merkins

    (Aside: a German Merkin is a Gherkin, which is a small pickle. Nobody wants that.)

    Goose absolutely killed this, figuring out where the Merkin stations were as well as physically destroying the reps.
    YHC forgot where station 2 was, and self penalized himself with an extra set of Diamond merkins.
    And there was much grunting.

    Thang 1.5:
    Bear Crawl to Berlin. And back.
    Smooth Operator displayed superhuman ability here. Defying physics, he somehow bear-crawled downhill while on level ground.

    Thang 2:
    Make it Stop: Oktoberfest

    We began with WWIII sit-ups while German-language or German-centric songs play. Anyone who can identify the song, Artist, album, or year released, gets to change the exercise.
    Goose showed unprecedented music prowess by nailing both “Major Tom” and “Rock Me Amadeus” correctly (in spite of YHC erroneously thinking it was simply called “Amadeus”).
    Honeysuckle, the usual ringer for music knowledge, displayed his patriotism here by refusing to identity any of die Musik.
    Also, apparently every popular German language song was released in 1983. And who knew Lou Bega was from Munich?

    (Paradiddle’s contribution during this phase of the beatdown, while significant, consisted solely of gas and giggles.)

    Final Thang: Stein hold

    Brewpons are held out at chest level, Bruce Lee-style, emulating the traditional Oktoberfest Steinholding competition.
    ‘Lil Cuz won, reinforcing his steadfast love for his brewpon.

    GG to Paradiddle for reasons obvious to all.

    Brewpons to go.

    Cardinal prayed us out.

    Epilogue:

    The youngling, nourished on hops and barley, and fortified by merkins, emerges from the depths of the forest.
    Bear-crawling a few meters further, it rises up on its now-ample haunches, howling, “Ich bin Deuchlands Besten!”

  • Hangin Tough by Honeysuckle – from Yankee Joe

    A smooth operator once told YHC that your VQ is no big deal – just get it done. YHC thinks this would be true, any year other than 2023 and any F3 other than Thibodaux. We so often get to hear Yankee Kiper, Jr wax poetic about the draft class. And the VQs from that class have the bar set pretty high. So after one false start a few weeks ago, it was finally time to get it done.

    Paradiddle arrived very early, and Enron wasn’t far behind. So we got in at least one Jurpee prior to anything happening. Diddle probably got several in as he Jurped right into Warmarama.

    Warmarama: side straddle hops, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, arm circles one direction then the other direction, cherry pickers, self love, willie mays hayes, maybe not in that order. Or maybe in that order.

    Pre-Thang

    1 Jurpee OYO. This was to provide the PAX a parting gift in case the VQ bombed.

    A little background on one thang of the first thang

    Enron’s Outlive-inspired Q continues to inspire, so ever since YHC had to type in YHC’s name into the spreadsheet for the VQ rather than use a dropdown box, the one seed around which the workout would be built was: grip. Backing up a little, YHC has been so focused on running that the numerous other aspects of fitness were not being maintained. That is where F3 found YHC, and while YHC is unable to complete a warmarama alone due to boredom, when it is done with the group, YHC finds it enjoyable. Now the focus is shifting to “training for life” -the things we need to be able to do to enjoy life, hopefully for a long time. While running helps with Zone 2 and V02 max, we also need functional strength, of which grip is one main component. Opening jars, grabbing onto something to avoid a fall, etc. One way to help with grip, among other things, is by simply hanging from a bar.

    So once “Hang Tough” became the core, it was like watching a slow moving train wreck as the overall theme fell into place. It was unfortunately inevitable what this VQ would become.

    First thang

    That overall theme was Boy Bands. From the 80’s, 90’s, and Today. The first thang would be done in pairs and have multiple stations, with a rotation every minute. Today, the EMOM also stood for Every Menudo on the Menudo. PAX would go around the circuit in One Direction and stay in Sync with their partner. While the temperature was not 98 Degrees anymore, it was still warm enough outside so that we’d all get a good sweat in.

    Stations:
    –Side shuffle the length of the pickleball court fence, Bobby Hurley when you change direction
    –Bonnie Blairs
    –Merkins on the block – Really a decline merkin (Derkin) with feet on the playground border (maybe 1 ft elevation). Not sure if anyone had new Keds today but that would have been cool.
    –Apollo Onos
    –Hang Tough – Hang for the minute on the monkey bars
    –Moroccan Nightclubs

    There was probably a general expectation that today would have lots of running, but YHC instead wanted to encourage endurance for these exercises. Hang Tough certainly required mental and physical endurance (and in today’s case aural endurance, especially for those whose ears were still in their Musical Youth). But as each exercise was for a time duration rather than a rep count, YHC wanted the PAX to find a pace for all exercises, the Bonnie Blairs and Merkins in particular, so that they could be done for the entire minute.

    While boy band music played, the EMOM transitions were marked by the current song pausing and the appearance of NKOTB singing “Step By Step, Oooooh Baby”. While this was heard way too many times this morning, I like to think it had a positive connotation in that it meant the current minute was over. YMMV. But between the exercises and the music, these were likely the longest minutes of the PAXs’ collective lives.

    Songs: Hangin Tough (New Kids on the Block), Larger than Life (Backstreet Boys), Bye Bye Bye (*NSYNC), Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche) (98 degrees), Boy With Luv (BTS). If anyone needs me to sign something to get your Spanish CEUs for the 98 degrees song, just let me know. I’m not certified to give out Korean CEUs yet.

    The PAX, through much physical, mental, and lyrical anguish, completed all 18 minutes of the EMOM, which meant three visits to every station. Goose brought the fire. Pope brought the desire. Valve brought the belief. Hypotenuse said it was nothing. AB didn’t have heartache. Enron said it wasn’t a mistake. Dilly never made me tell him why. And Diddle wanted it that way.

    And they still wanted more.

    So we moved to the running part, which was simply 1.5 laps around the Civic Center. I was All for One, but since we were at the playground there was no way getting around getting the extra half in. YHC still has some kinks to work out with the speaker+phone combo, as the EMOM music started up a couple times during the run giving the PAX PTSD. Also during the run, Diddle wowed the crowd by removing the Animal to reveal the GiGi. Now that is some stage presence and YHC knows a solo career is coming which will ultimately break up the band, until the reunion tour 20 years later.

    Now, back at the Lion, at the Boyz 2 Men station. YHC noted that Boy Bands have made and continue to make many contributions to the world. One of the major contributions is their step by step instructions to achieve a goal. So, we were going to write a boy band song in the remaining few minutes.

    The first question is, how do you turn Boyz to Men? Manmakers, of course. YHC produced two coupons out of the gloom. Going back to our five “pairs” from earlier, one pair at a time does 8 manmakers while the rest of the PAX does some exercise. After the pair doing manmakers finishes, they call the next pair up and then name the next exercise for the PAX as our next step.

    The way it started was: YHC called pair 1 up for manmakers, and announced Step 1 was flutter kicks for everyone else. In the end, the steps were:

    Step 1: Flutter Kicks
    Step 2: V ups
    Step 3: Freddy Mercurys
    Step 4: LBCs
    Step 5: Dying Cockroach
    Step 6: Recover. And that’s the way you do it!

    Animal went to Hypotenuse, due to his consistent posting and hard work. And given two perpendicular lines, he can make it right, and that makes him larger than life.

    Gigi went to America’s Best for having the right stuff when it comes to memes in the group chat.

    Much appreciation for the VQ support today, fellas!!

    SYITG
    Honeysuckle

  • The Last One’s a Doozy – from Goose

    Though many of the PAX followed Cardinal’s lead in giving the last IPC Saturday a thumbs down, 8 brave PAX braved the coupon ridiculousness in full view of the lady race at The Peltch on Saturday.
    Per usual, the smaller-than-usual number of men gathered around the flag only mattered until things got going, then we became a small, concentrated force of determination and shared suffering. There could have been two or twenty men–once the thrusters started to hit, the exterior world melted away.
    We started with high numbers of the usual warmups to work off the soreness YJ had built up into our collective muscles, The FNG to be named String Cheese (Incident) sauntered over from the parking area by the building and settled right in as if he’d been doing F3 for years.
    We then moseyed over to the truck to grab coupons, cones, signs, etc. and hauled them down to the field amidst the growing number of women setting up for the race. America’s Best corrected YHC after a comment about the “women’s race” saying that he planned to run in it and beat everyone in his age bracket, so obviously, it wasn’t a women’s race, despite the pink and purple decorations, the title of the group (“Femmes Natales”), and the big inflatable finish line that said “Great Job, Ladies!” But, hey, this is 2023, so go get ’em, AB! (Seriously, though, to run a race after that IPC is unreal. YHC just ran from the truck to the flag area once we were done and the legs staged a formal protest.)
    Once everything was setup on the field, YHC gave an explanation with explanations for the FNG, and the PAX was ready to rock with way fewer questions than expected. Writing the routine on the board the night before proved to be quite a task, but the PAX didn’t really seem to need it.

    The Thang:
    Throughout–5 minute timer (E5MOM), and every time it went off, execute 3 Kraken Burpees (Burpee with 3 hand-release merkins at the bottom). This was a morale sucker–it felt like it was going off every two minutes, and it broke up any momentum. Definitely a mental-toughness test.

    Round 1:
    -Murder Bunny to first cone (10 yards out), 10 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins (also called “no-cheat”: hand-release merkin with shoulder taps at the top).
    -Run to the coupon, murder Bunny to second cone (20 yards out), 15 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    -Run to the coupon, murder Bunny to third cone (30 yards out), 20 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    –Run to the coupon, Redrum Bunny to second cone (20 yards out), 15 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    -Run to the coupon, Redrum Bunny to first cone (10 yards out), 10 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins

    Round 2:
    Same as Round 1, but with WW3 situps instead of thrusters (Big boy situps with coupon, bench press up and down while lying down, then situp and overhead press once at the top. That’s 1 rep)

    Round 3:
    Same as Round 2, but with man-makers (blockees–burpees with coupon) instead of WW3 situps.

    BAPS kept cranking the tunes, the lady race set-up team kept staring, the timer kept going off, and these fellas just kept stacking on the reps, one at a time. Nobody stopped or complained, not even Duke or the FNG. Every time I looked over, String Cheese was bunnying or bear crawling, and Duke actually kept moving, too, unlike his typical Saturday routine of cycling from PAX to PAX asking for the time. The rest of the crew finished this year’s greuling IPC month with true perseverance in the face of what seemed to be impossible routines, and like last year, I think this month brought about some major growth, a real level-up for a number of these guys.
    AB quickly went from being one of the new guys to being a regular, beastly contender at the front of the pack. Popeye revealed that he’s got an incredibly massive reserve tank of mental toughness. Despite Safety Valve’s hatred for coupons, he refuses to miss an opportunity to push hard with good men, he never stops, and he’s clearly taken deep ownership of what F3 is all about. Yankee Joe is a glutton for punishment–nobody sees the benefits of shared pain like him. Pope has long said goodbye to composite coupons, and he’s giving YHC a run for his money, every single beatdown. Wet Tap eats coupons for breakfast, and challenge draws him like a moth to a flame–IPC is where he consistently shines.

    It was hard to be without other IPC studs like Diddle, Enron, and Dox, but we’ve got plenty to feed the need this month as IPC finishes, but Jurpee-tober begins. Time to do groiners in your den in front of your wife and kids for no good reason!

    COT down at the field, Animal shirt went to Popeye for making it look like a pleasant walk in the park, the FNG was named by AB, who revealed that his brain actually works better after a tough beatdown, and then AB also prayed us out.
    Incredible job, fellas! Thanks for pushing me through another crazy IPC month!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Age Isn’t Just A Number (In F3, It’s Just The Next Thang) – from Yankee Joe

    Twelve phenomenal men posted this morning at The Lion’s Den. The word “phenomenal” is being used here for its literal meaning. Twelve men, voluntarily, in the face of poorly designed insanity, threw themselve into an experience that promised to leave them frustrated, breathless, nauseated, and perhaps needing a clean pair of draws’. With ages spanning from 15 (hate, hate) to 47 (respect), these beasts choose to do this four times per week. Wouldn’t you describe the scene as a phenomenon?

    YHC turned 45 the day before. St. Vincent, pray for us. Less about commemorating the occasion (YHC doesn’t actually care…he’s forgotten his own birthday not once, but multiple times ), this morning’s beatdown was more a result of YHC’s creative beatdown juices being dried up. 45 seemed like a solid number to manufacture some good ‘ol fashion stupidity in Hurtsville, USA. Of course, since we all know 42 is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything, it was tempting to hitchhike my way through the Exicon. However, that would have required some effort.

    So, twelve men showed up to The Den. Well, eleven at first. Diddle, living out his own self-fulfilling prophecy, rolled in a minute late as he predicted. As alluded to above, today’s version of the beatdown was not particularly well designed. It’s got potential, and maybe one day can serve as a one-off F3 Thibodaux IPC. 45 exercises over a 35-minute period is crazy enough. Including Man Makers and Redrum Bunnies in the mix made it nearly impossible. No problem…impossible is a concept that only misguided pickleballers have to grapple with.

    The format was made up of nine rounds, five exercises per each round, and 25 reps per exercise where applicable. In all, if one were to complete the circuit, he would pull off 800 total reps, 180 yards (45-yd increments) of MOT work (i.e. murder bunnies, bear crawl, etc.), and nine 90-yard sprints (.45 mile). Beatdown instructions were printed out for each man, complete with sheet protectors. How can anyone not be hot for teacher?The breakdown is included at the end of the blast.

    As we started, YHC forgot to mention the rep count, along with a few other details. However, that ‘phenomenon’ kicked into gear, and the men…well…just started doing the stuff. Even in the Gloom, YHC could see Popeye’s eyes narrow and his brows furrow. He seemed driven by an inhuman stamina and perseverance that can only be achieved by UT football fans post Vince Young…circa 2005…yikes! Of course, it’s not crazy to think the drought could end this year.

    All the men lined up across The Den sidewalk. Honeysuckle, continues to confound others with his unfazed, calmly content face prior to a beatdown. It’s like he’s thinking… “awww…this is a nice little workout.” When you’ve run 50+ miles in a day, I suppose these get togethers do look quaint. YHC was also grateful to be next to America’s Best, who in turn, had to explain that a ‘no-cheat merkin included shoulder taps AND a hand release. This made the shoulder tap merkins in the subsequent round take on a whole new level of suck. For YHC, this may have been the beginning of the end. YHC’s shoulders were toast after Round 3, never to recover.

    At the start of the beatdown, someone yelled, “Where’s the music?” YHC didn’t have a better answer than, “I want you to be alone in your suffering.” First of all, who says something like that? Second, why the hell didn’t I set up music? Regardless, Smooth Operator responded with his famous, “Okayyy,” which by now has become about the most positive and authentic endorsement a Q can hope for. Wet Tap, as expected was drooling on the beatdown instructions thinking about all of the coupon work. That’s why sheet protectors were used, by the way.

    As the shenanigans began, Goose, Enron, and Diddle were off to the races. Diddle was unfairly propelled by his apparent IBS, but stayed consistent throughout. As Goose started to edge ahead of the rest of us, YHC realized Pope was edging ahead and STAYING ahead of his Goosely father. I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure Pope, at 15 years of age, was throwing up thrusters and man makers with an official, grown man cindy. Can you imagine a Pope with 30 years of F3 under his belt? Drago won’t be worthy of holding his jockstrap (Do people wear jockstraps any more?).

    Later on, Enron audibly exclaimed, “Noooooooo” during Round 4 upon realizing the 19th exercise (yes, the 19th) was a 25-count of Thrusters. Since YHC has quite literally never heard Enron complain, I knew significant design flaws were present. Safety Valve, demonstrating his new found love for pain, reminded me of a guy named Paradox. Never say die. No gaps. Hypotenuse, by now, appears to have accepted the insanity of this cul…I mean free men’s workout club. I’m predicting a VQ by late October.

    In the end, YHC barely made it into Round 6, though if you consider quality of form, he never made it out of Round 2. Most of the PAX reached Round 5 or beyond. Pope and Goose both made it to Stagger Merkins in Round 7. It was hotly contested, who ultimately won between father and son, but the rest of the PAX knows the truth: Drago’s menu had just been expanded to include Charbroiled Goose.

    COT and Pope prayed us out. We continue lifting prayers up to Smooth and his family as well as chapter of life transitions.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ——————————————–

    Why The Phenomenon Matters

    As a kid, I thought my Dad was invincible. A mult-tour combat veteran, he was trim and seemed to have superhuman strength. The fact that he smoked three packs of Marlboro Reds per day only seemed to make him more of a specimen. When I was 12 years old, in an attempt to be more involved, he got certified as a baseball umpire and soccer referee. For the latter, it required getting into some form of shape. I remember how hard it was for him just to run up and down the sideline during a game. He did it nevertheless and got into pretty decent shape. After that soccer season, he promptly retired from his refereeing days, never to approach any form of exercise again. The thing is, all the Dads in the neighborhood were like that. Most smoked and NONE of them “worked out” outside of a random jog occasionally.

    I remember clearly thinking that “once you got to be a Dad, being in shape was off the table.” That year, my dad was 42.
    ———————————————-

    During my late twenties, I used to jog and lift weights quasi regularly…just enough to maintain some respectable level of athleticism. Then I watched 300 and P90X started trending. I ran alone, lifted alone, and P90Xed alone. Like most of the bros in my circle, I’d get into working out hard core for six months, get into awesome shape, then hardcore fall off the wagon.

    I remember clearly thinking I’ve got a few more years of this and then I’ll be too old to be in really good shape. I was 28.
    ———————————————

    In 2019, I moved our family from New Orleans to Thibodaux. I weighed 230 lbs. I hadn’t seriously worked out in years. I set resolutions almost every first of the month. Each New Year’s Day, I was like, “This is the year.” When the pandemic hit, we bought a Peloton. I rode the pedals off that shiz for a year. I lost 25 lbs. When we evacuated for Ida, I missed a day, then missed a week, then a month, then almost two years. I weighed 230 lbs once again.

    I remember clearly thinking, I’ve finally reached that place where my Dad was. This is it. I was 42.
    ——————————————-

    In March of 2022, a dude named Micah reached out. Texted something like, “Hey Man. Heard you might be interested in F3. We meet this Saturday at 6:30 at Peltier Park. Would love to have you.” I knew he was a financial advisor. He was probably one of those guys who thinks he’s “the smartest guy in the room” and wants to live in Houston. I showed up anyway. I’ve lost 30 lbs. I’m, quite literally, in the best shape of my life…physically, mentally, and spiritually.

    When he’s 12 years old, my son is going to remember clearly thinking “once you get to be a Dad, you get to be Superman.” That year, I’ll be 52.

  • Better together – from Safety Valve

    Today was the day. IPC week 3 on a Saturday morning at the Peltch. On paper it seemed a daunting task. But that’s just life isn’t it. Sometimes it’s sweet and a breeze. Sometimes it’s tougher than we think we can deal with and overwhelming. Looking back on challenging times in my own life, in the heat of the moment, it seemed as if YHC would never make it through. Now in retrospect, YHC made it through those tough times because of the people that surrounded me. The same can be said about week 3 IPC.

    After a short mosey to the tennis court at the Peltch, and some mild confusion for Diddle, we began.

    Warmaramma
    Side straddle hops
    Imperial walkers
    Mountain climbers
    High knees
    Butt kicks
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers

    The Thang

    Round 1
    10 merkins
    15 thrusters
    20 merkins
    25 thrusters
    30 merkins

    400 meter run

    Round 2
    10 thrusters
    15 v ups
    20 thrusters
    25 v ups
    30 thrusters

    400 meter run

    Round 3
    10 v ups
    15 jungle bois
    20 v ups
    25 jungle bois
    30 v ups

    400 meter run

    Round 4
    10 jungle bois
    15 blockees
    20 jungle bois
    25 blockees
    30 jungle bois

    400 meter run

    Round 5
    10 blockees
    15 Merkins
    20 blockees
    25 merkins
    30 blockees

    400 meter run

    When time was called at the usual 7:30, three of the pax finished in the 45 minute window. Big shout out to Diddle, pope and goose. The rest of the pax were struggling somewhere in round 5, inevitably working through the never ending blockees. YHC felt like anything beyond round 3 would be impressive. This group blew it out of the water. Yankee Jeaux kept us on pace and every time we saw him hold back that vomit, it was more motivation to keep going.

    At the end of it all, Cardinal showed up in the most glorious way… with coffee and donuts. Even with a thumb out of commission, he couldn’t resist the F3 fellowship. He seemed very upset about missing out on the 100 reps of thrusters. So blessed to have a post IPC hang out and refreshment time.

    We circled up, offered prayers to those in need, Cardinal prayed us out and we dug into the donuts and coffee.

    Back to the tough times in life YHC eluded to earlier… Before starting on this F3 journey merely 50 days ago, YHC would have never thought of doing 100 merkins. That would have seemed ridiculous, let alone 100 thrusters with a cinder block. Now it seems nothing but normal for a Saturday morning. I owe this change and higher mental strength to the F3 Thibodaux PAX. When these workouts seem unfathomable, we look to the guy to the left and right that are going through the same pain. It’s the only motivation that’s needed. So, when life gets tough and seems impossible, surround yourselves with good people. Look to your right and left, they will get you through whatever hell is happening. Tough times will never last and life will be sweet again.

  • Why not run – from Safety Valve

    We were 5 PAX strong on a beautiful Tuesday Tuff morning. On arrival, my eyes went to one thing. Animal had returned. Buried under multiple piles of theology and philosophy books, it emerged to be donned on someone else. We wait and see who would be worthy…

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Mountain climbers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Windmills
    Arm circles – forward and back ward

    This is when it fell to pieces. The groupme message that changed the world. Paradiddle wasn’t going to make it. The wall of smoke on Highway 311 was to great even for the winner of IPC week 2. Props for waking up and driving farther than all of us to better yourself. We never have to look far for inspiration.

    Thang 1
    Battan death March – 1 mile single file Indian style running around Rich mans loop with the last man having to drop and do 5 burpees before sprinting to catch up with the PAX. With just the 5 Amigos it meant most took 2-3 turns on burpees, but this group was up to the challenge.

    Thang 2
    To the dismay of most and the “Okay” of Smooth, the PAX continued with another mile of running rich man’s loop. At every other light pole we stopped for a 90 second AMRAP. First light pole stop was merkins, second were squats, third were flutter kicks. Americas Best enjoyed the latter the most as with every flutter kick came a flutter fart. He seemed swifter after the first round. This continued the entire mile with alternating running and nurring between stops. YHC pushed the PAX to at least match or beat their previous number of excercises completed on the first AMRAP. Enron beasted up and beat his first numbers at every other stop. Finished at the stage with 6 minutes left on the clock.

    Thang 3
    7s – done at the stage with merkins and jump squats.

    Mary involved 1 minute of holding six inches.

    CoT – announcements were made… We confirmed that Pope definitely wasn’t kidnapped and was probably still sleeping in his bed… Animal was given to the swim team prodigy of Shreveport, Enron for pushing to beat his AMRAP number again and again, prayers were raised for all the mommas and babies, cardinal prayed us out for another one in the books. Thank you gentleman, for waking up and showing up with me.