F3 New Orleans

Tag: Butt Splice

  • Can You Feel The LOVE?

    We were all FNGs once…BUT….IF….you’ve been an F3 Northshore FNG recently, making your first post at the most logical AO, the Mandeville Lakefront, you’ve experienced some extreme H8 from on-Q-high.  Of course, I would never mention any Qs by name…but a few nicknames come to mind: Turbo (extreme H8), Maverick (he called it “a sampling” of H8), and who could forget Bushwacker and his “animal planet” on what had to be the longest set of city blocks in all of Mandeville (I attribute my slow typing to the blisters on my fingers from bear crawling).  And, there may have been another obstacle course beatdown sprinkled somewhere in there, but YHC cant remember that one very well.  To make a long story short, there seems to have been some sort of Challenge or Race at each Saturday morning beatdown this summer.   So YHC figured with all this H8, it was time for some LOVE.  So here’s how it went:

    Warmarama

    SSH, Imperial Walkers, High Knees, Butt Kicks.  x 15 all IC.  Then off we go for some fun and games.  Mosey to the Great Lawn…

    Thang:

    45 Minute game of Ultimate Frisbee with some school yard smack talkin’ mixed in.  It was awesome!  YHC felt like a kid out there.  Raise your hand if you’ve said, “Losers walk” in the last 30 years.    The game went great–we had some diving catches, some nice throws, some blocked passes and deflections.  Even Chris Berman and Tom Jackson would have been impressed if they had seen the full speed, Sportscenter-esque collision between Assets and TankedUp.    Relieved that no one was “Jacked Up” after the collision, YHC called “next point wins.”  With a quick score by the Shirts (the Skins fell asleep because the rest of the game was such a blowout), it was time to mosey back to the Flag for some Mary:

    Flutter Kicks, Hello Dollys, Putins, Rower Sit-ups, and Leg Raises.

    Countarama, Namorama, and YHC prayed us out.

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead, men.  I appreciate it.

  • Northshore H8!

    There’s been a fair amount of mumble chatter emanating from the Southshore lately about the so called H8! beat down.  Never to be outdone by our Southshore brothers, the Northshore PAX decided to turn up the volume to 11 this morning with a modified version of the H8!   After the standard disclaimer and a warmup of SSHs, Seal Jacks, Toe Touches, Imperial Walkers, Front to Back Lunges, Lateral Lunges, and Windmills, all IC and with rep counts from 10-20, YHC led fourteen men westward on the Mandeville Lakefront to the launch pad for 40 minutes of suffering.

    The PAX started the clock and their first lap with one Merkin.  This one Merkin was the centerpiece of YHC’s diabolical plan to make the Northshore H8! .01% better than the Southshore version.  YHC’s poor reading comprehension and math skills actually made it a lot harder, however.  YHC misinterpreted Hawg’s Friday afternoon briefing, realized his mistake 1 lap into the H8!, but by that time the horses were out of the barn and it was too late to recall them for revised instructions.  Anyone who has Q’d a beat down know how that works.

    At any rate, after that first Merkin (which was terrific across the board by the way), the PAX bear crawled 35 yards, ran out and back for .4 miles round trip, bear crawled 35 yards back to our starting point and then performed 8 burpees and 8 Merkins within each burpee to complete one lap.  This last part is where YHC mangled Hawg’s instructions.  We should have performed descending Merkins instead of 8 Merkins for each burpee, i.e. 36 instead of 64.  Too late.  The die was cast, as mentioned above, and there was nothing to do but get on with it.

    So we did, completing as many laps as possible in 40 minutes, dropping the number of burpees and Merkins by one on each lap.  Whether it was the extra Merkins or our lack of fitness relative to our Southshore brothers, we’ll never know, but no one completed 8 laps in the prescribed 40 minutes.  The PAX cheerfully embraced the suck, however, which is something.  Even when the wind picked up, it started to rain hard, and the Sky Q started throwing lightening bolts nearby.

    Thanks for letting me lead this morning, guys, and welcome to FNGs Survivor and The Hammer.  See you in the Gloom.

     

     

     

     

  • Mandeville Zoo

    It Always Seems Impossible Until It’s Done.

    -Nelson Mandella

    It was this sentiment that was permeating the air like vapors of a scent distinctly from times gone by, whilst I was pondering the unlimited possibilities for Saturday at the Lakefront. It had YHC reminiscing about slightly less than a year ago when a freshly minted Bushwacker spent almost the entirety of the weekend beatdowns feeling pure misery and little faith in his ability to see the thing through to completion. It was only the strength that he absorbed from his F3 brothers, as if by osmosis, that allowed him to finish, realizing that impossible really was possible! The pain and misery faded and was quickly replaced by feelings of exuberance and satisfaction.

    In an attempt to reignite and recapture that feeling, as well as spread it amongst the PAX, it was high time we returned to Animal Planet. In homage to our esteemed brother Butt Splice, who by sheer coincidence happened to grace us with his presence, our tickets were purchased, our bags were packed, and we prepared to go on a safari of sorts.

    WARM-O-RAMA

    21s – SSH in cadence with reps 1-5 out loud and 6-21 in silence. After a failed 1st attempt, we hit 10 burpees. After a 2nd failed attempt, 50 LBCs

    High knees/Air presses –  simultaneously, IC x20

    Annie – in plank, alternate “scrubbing the floor” with right or left hand

    Abe Vigodas – x10 IC

    THANG

    QIC passed the baton to Barely Legal

    After a brief westward mosey PAX circled up for…

    x20 IC:

    Putins, LBCs, Freddy Mercurys, mountain climbers & very slow flutter kicks ( hence for to be known as Sputter Kicks)

    Back to Bushwacker with a mosey to the nearest corner (perhaps LafayetteSt)

    Welcome to ANIMAL PLANET!

    For the 1st block we bear crawled and finished with 10 burpees

    2nd block we crab walked followed by 20 merkins

    (returning to lakefront)

    3rd block was duck walk and 5 burpees

    Last block was bunny hop with 10 merkins

    More from Barely Legal

    The PAX headed back towards the shovel flag, but pulled up to the sea wall slightly short of said destination.

    Aiken Legs was on BL’s agenda:

    R1 20 squats, 20 box jumps, 20 lunges

    R2 5 derkins, 20 squats, 20 box jumps, 5 derkins

    MARY

    To be perfectly honest, YHC was so worn out and oxygen deprived at this point that I can only summon vague recollections of Peter Parkers before the golden dawning of glorious 7:30!

    COT, FNGx2, Ocho closed out our sacramental sacrifice of blood and sweat with a prayer of appreciation for all that we are blessed with.

    Many thanks to Barely Legal for bringing the pain, and to all the PAX for following our lead and embracing the suck!

     

  • JR Smith VS The World

    To recognize JR Smith’s collapse during the first game of the NBA Finals, I decided to work a basketball theme into the beatdown this past Saturday morning. Before we get that started, let’s get warmed up.

    Warmarama: Happy Jacks- 5 SS IC- 2 Squat Jumps: Rinse and Repeat 5 times, IWs- 20IC, Seal Jacks – 21 Style: Complete 21 Seal Jacks IC- First 5 are counted out loud, the next 16 are done in silence. All pacs have to finish at the same time in order to avoid penalty exercise. We were close, but no cigar. All pacs had to do 10 burpees. High Kness – 20IC, Butt Kicks – 20IC…….Mosey to Lamarque

    BLIMPS: 5 Burpess, 10 Lunges (each leg), 15 IWs, 20 Merkins, 25 Plank Jacks, 30 Squats- Rinse and Repeat Twice

    Mosey to the Milestone Marsh – Roughy a 1/2 mile run. Goal was for all pacs to get there in 5 minutes. Goal accomplished.

    JR Smtih VS The World

    Pacs divide into two teams and line up on opposite ends of the court facing midcourt. All pacs assume the Al Gore position. On Go, first pac of each group runs to mid court and grabs one of two basketballs and attempts free throw shot on their goal. If you make it, put ball back in basket and tag next partner. If you miss it, complete 5 burpees before tagging next partner. The team that finishes first wins, and avoids the penalty exercise of a suicide.

    Rinse and repeat this game two more times, but with different shots and different exericses while shots are being taken.  Second shot was a NBA three, measured out before hand at 23.75 feet. It’s  a lot further than it looks on TV. All pacs held plank position during this shot. Third shot was in honor of our former Pelican, JR Smith, a layup. Everyone did flutter kicks.

    Barely legal’s team one the competition once. THE Manny’s team brought it home twice. Good job guys.

    Mary: Circled up around half court for some Mary. 25 LBC’s-IC, 25 Freddie Mercuries-IC, 25 Russian Twists – IC, 25 Straight Leg Lifts – IC

    Circle of Merk: All Pacs stay circled up around mid-court. We assume the plank position. Going clockwise, each pac does one merkin while the other hold the planc position. We rinse and repeat this until we get to 100 merkins.

    Long mosey back to the flag. Goal was to get back to flag in 7 minutes. I think everyone but yours truly made it back that in that time.

    T-claps to Butt Splice for praying us out. A-wall not only made it back to the Mother Ship, but he brought a FNG with him. Welcome abourd Half Pipe

  • Burps in the Oak grove

    “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” -Jerry Seinfeld

    10 pax met up Saturday morning for a nice beat down on the lakefront. Yada, yada,yada…

    Prethang 6:10-6:30 mosey west and back to shovel flag…

    the thang:

    warm-up: SSH, mt. Climbers, IW x 20 IC

    mosey to the oak grove

    5 burpees/5 jump squats/5 merkins x 10 rounds

    jane fonda series: leg raise x 15 ic>pulses x 10 ic> knee to knee x 10> foot to knee x 10

    2 min single leg squats each leg

    5 squat thrusts/5speed skaters/ 5 merkins x 8 rounds

    Glute  bridges 3 sec x 20; single leg glute bridges x 10 each

    mosey east toward flag:

    fwd lunge with arm swing overhead x 10

    bkwd lunge with arm swing x 10

    single leg RDLs x 10 IC each leg

    mosey to shovel flag

    mac tar jai x 20 ic

    russian twist x 20 ic

    name o Rama, cot, prayer, coffeeteria

    thanks guys for letting me lead,

    chewy

     

     

     

  • El Cinco de Dolor y Miseria

    Well, as they say… that happened.  The FBI physical fitness test pre-thang Q’d by Grundy started promptly at 0545 as promised, but it would require a prodding Bushwacker to keep this thing on schedule.  You see, until this morning, none of us (least of all Grundy) realized just how patriotic our lakefront residents were.  After knocking out as many sit-ups as possible in a minute, we slow-moseyed down the street looking for Grundy’s starting line… “a bench lined up with an American flag.”  Turns out there are a lot of American flags, and a bunch of benches out there.  A bit of confused back and forth and finally, worried about respecting the time, Wacker just took off on the 300 meter sprint.  The rest of the PAX quickly followed.

    T-claps to Grundy who got us out there, and to those men who got up early to complete the PFT: 1 minute of sit-ups, 300 m sprint, max out on merkins, 1.5 miles in less that 12:50.  YHC would call out each man individually, but the fog of being thoroughly beaten has settled in, and it’s a miracle I even remembered the 20 PAX who posted today.   Not sure who passed and who failed, but all men did admirably and with all the turnover going on at the Bureau these days, it’s a good thing they’ve got some young men like Grundy coming in.

    So yeah – 20 PAX this morning!  All the EH’ing and warm weather is paying off.  FNG’s are rolling in each week and that’s got the rest of us posting more regularly and upping our game.  Speaking of upping our game – YHC had sincerely thought last night about doing… well, not an easy beatdown, but maybe a more mild one?  But nah…

    Alright, enough rambling, here’s what went down:

    Warmorama: Toe Touches, Imperial Walkers, Seal Jacks, SSH, Butt Kicks, High Knees, Mountain Climbers, Plank Jacks.  All 20x IC.

    The Thang:

    Mosey west for a COP: 20x IC side to side plank hops, plank jacks, partner up for jump overs (20 OYO), in-out jump squats, and everyone’s favorite, monkey humpers.

    Ei said it best when he noted, “Well, now that we’ve embarrassed ourselves there…” onto the next location!  Mosey to the loading dock for what I knew would be a real crowd pleaser: burpees down the street!  More mumbling from Bushwacker (you really can’t be fasting that much with all today’s chatter), trying to tell me that I can’t eat an elephant one spoonful at a time, or some such nonsense.

    Because there were so many men this morning, YHC decided we’d partner up and P1 would hold plank while P2 burpee’d down the street.  It goes like this: burpee with the standard 1 merkin, but on the jump up do a broad jump forward.  2nd burpee has 2 merkins, followed by 2 broad jumps, 3 x 3, and so on, down the road.  It was fun.  Even better than I imagined on paper. 

    At about this time a few 10 counts were needed (in espanol for Cinco de Mayo), and then we moved over to the playground for a few stations.

    P1 holds a wall sit and does air presses while P2 hits the three padded stations: Sister Mary Katherine’s x15, hand-release merkins, and LBC’s, all single-count x15.  After 2 reps each, P1 does heels to heaven while P2 hits the stations, flapjack, 2 reps each.

    Next up, formed two lines to indian run back to the flag.  Finish up with Hello Dolly’s x25 IC.

    Countdown, nameorama, naming of our two FNG’s  (welcome Doolittle and Vel-Vito!!), and Splice prayed us out.  The only thing that would make this beatdown more complete would be a drive-by from Choppa…

    On to the Coffetería, which looked to have a little more action than usual with the table dancing, but you’ll have to check the groupme for that report.  A sincere thanks to this great group of men – despite my body’s response, YHC had a great time out there this morning.  Keep posting, keep the FNG’s coming, and hey, let’s try to get some of our missing comrades (ahem, Turtle and Bubba) back in action.  See you guys out there.

     

    EDIT: One (hopefully) final edit on this unusually long backblast: this was likely Carpool’s final posting as a Northshore resident.  As his family makes the trek over to the Woodlands, we wish them nothing but the best.  He’s been a great addition to the F3 family over here, and Houston will be lucky to have him.  Stay tuned for info on Carpool’s Woodlands launch (potentially mid-July?), would be great if a couple of us could make it out there to support him.

  • ROI on EH’s

    The Marsh and Grandma’s house has seen some return on investment from the emotional headlocks that have been given to our long lost brother Butt Splice. It’s been great to see you at the past two AO’s Splice. And only three days removed from his first post, Dr. NO returned for another beatdown. Keep on coming back!!!!

    Warm-Up

    Toe Touches – 20 IC, Wind Mills – 20 IC, IW’s- 20 IC, Seal Jacks – 20 IC, SS Hop Burpees – 5 SS Hops IC followed by 2 Burpees – Rinse and repeat 5 times

    Each pac picks a partner. Pac#1 assumes the mission impossible position. Pac #2 runs the length of the grass, about 30 yards there and back, and assumes mission impossible while there partner runs the same distance. Each group rinses and repeats this 8 times.

    Mosey to the underpass….

    I did not want to dissapoint anyone by not using a coupon during one of my Q’s, so I utilized the pile of rocks that are at the beginning of the underpass.

    Pac #1 picks a rock and runs with it to the other end of the underpass and back while their partner does copper head squates. Rinse and repeat this until each group reaches a 100 squats. Due to the rock slowing down the run, each pac only had to run the underpass and do squats one time in order to get to a 100.

    Mosey back to trailhead…

    Each pac runs up and down stairs three times.

    Mary…

    LBC’s – 20 IC, Flutter Kicks – 20 IC, Freddie Mercuries – 20 IC, Straight Leg Lifts – 20 IC, Puttins – 20 IC, Crunchy Frongs – 10 IC……… a few intermittent pauses were necessary to crank out those crunch frogs

    COT, Shooter prayed us out.

     

  • They came in WAVES

    It was a good showing this morning with 8 men posting at the resurgent Milestone Marsh.

    Warmarama:

    SSH

    GM

    WM -all IC x 20

    Workout/ Thang:

    Circle Up at Half Court for some WAVE ACTION:

    Merkin Wave to 200

    Shoulder Tap Wave to 100

    Plank Jack Wave to 100

    Burpee Wave to 100 while PAX holds Al Gore.

    Mosey to Baseline for some old fashioned Line Drills, Bear Crawls, Crab Walks, Jog Backwards, Karoake Drills, Mountain Climbers, Shuffle Feet.

    Mosey to Bushwacker’s “Childrens Playground Equipment.”

    Break up into 2 groups. Half the PAX does pullups (max out), while the other half do 20 Hello Dollies IC.  Switch.

    Half the group does Australian Pullups (max out), while the other half does Wife Pleasers x 20 IC. Switch.

    ISI:  Hold Plank for as long as possible.

    Mosey back to center court for countarama, nameorama, and Captain Sparkles prayed us out.

    Thanks for making me a better man and embracing the challenge of a brand new week with me, men!

    Waterpik

  • An easy beatdown

    “Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”
    “The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it, as long as you really believe 100 percent.”
    “It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.”
    “Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”
    “The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.”
     ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
    10 pax arrived arrived on the lakefront for what EiEi predicted would be an ‘easy ‘ beatdown.
    Pre thang: Not sure about this one, YHC was still in the fart sack.
    The Thang:
    Short mosey West on the lake front.
    -SSH x 20 IC
    -MT climbers x 20 IC
    -Pete Parkers x 20 IC
    -Parker Pete’s x 20 IC
    -Merkins x 15 IC
    -Side plank R arm high/R leg high ~ repeat on L
    -Jane fondas x 20 IC (Both)
    -Table top bridges x 10 IC
    -Squats x 20 IC
    -Lateral lunge/touch the ground x 20 (alt) IC
    -Fwd/bkwd pivot in change lunge x 10 IC B Sides
    Mosey further west
    -Jack Webb (chewy style): 1 Chatarunga (3 ct hold) / 2 W’s ( 3 ct hold) 1 to 10 with a few numbers skipped.
    -11’s: 1 split squat each leg —> 10 merkins
    Mosey back east towards flag:
    -Burpees x 5
    -SL squats x 5 B
    -Surfer Burpees x5 Goofy
    -SL toe touch x 5 B
    -Surfer Burpees x5 Regular
    Mosey to Flag:
    -Nolan Ryan x 10 IC
    -Prefontaine/Usain Bolts x 6 IC
    -Flutter kicks x 20 IC
    -Russian Twists x 20 IC
    Name -o-Rama, COT, Ball of Man, Coffeeteria.
    Welcome Blue Hen to the Pax.
    Thanks for letting me lead guys,
    Chewy.

  • A CSAUP Convergence in the Mud

    Well, the day was finally upon us. With a 50% chance of rain it was anybody’s guess what the weather would do. But when it’s called Tough Mudder, either way is good. The clown cars converged at NOLA Motor Park and the clowns met up just inside the official Tough Mudder grounds. The southshore boys called a last minute audible.With Fracsac having to pull out, Cowbell, was and easy EH to grab his spot. Speaking of last minute, YHC pulled up to the meeting spot to see that none other than the elusively nomadic Butt Splice had joined the party, having bought his ticket yesterday.

    Due to the race being 12 mud-filled miles long, not to mention this guy’s exhausted brain, I won’t list all the obstacles, but give a greatest hits and honorable mentions overview.

    Like ripping off a band aid, the 1st obstacle thrown at us was Kiss of Mud 2.o, involving an army crawl under barbed wire through the soupy mud. Butt Splice was fully submerged and in heaven!

    The Hero Carry obstacle (which was much easier the 1st time around) found us carrying our partner about 50 or so yards, then switching for the next 50. Strategically speaking we tried to match up size-wise with Steve/Tanked Up, Butt Splice/Gabrielle, Shooter/Walleye, Bushwacker/Ocho (had I only known this deceptively sized man was actually heavier than the solid Shooter, I might have chosen more wisely), and Reluctant Yankee/Cowbell. Jingle Vader paired up with a random to complete the obstacle.

    Much better acquainted, the fun continued.

    Somewhere along the way, we chanced on a solo mudder who by some stoke of good fortune joined our  regal ranks on this muddy mission. This bald bruiser (sorry the alliteration is addictive) was visiting Nawlins with his lovely wife (who was a loyal spectator) from Chattanooga, TN. An easy Eh and a great F3 fit to round the crew out at 12.

    There were more muddy water-filled pits, walls, hay bales, nets and unpredictable terrain in store for our daring band of F3 brothers. The course lent itself to some quality mumble chatter that added to the intrinsic appreciation of the experience. Speaking of mumble chatter, between Gabrielle and Ocho’s slew of  salacious interactions with random members of the fairer sex, I’m surprised we didn’t walk away from the course with our own fan club. Or better yet, a new cadre of FIA recruits!

    Not that we didn’t all have an appreciation for the females we ran into. A bunch of us made a new friend in a medical assistant at the Trench Warfare obstacle when we gave her a big F3 group hug, sharing all the muddy goodness we had to offer…especially Ocho.

    There were back busting back flips and reverse swan dives at the Shawshank obstacle. This one was quite refreshing!

    At Everest 2.0 we joined the waiting crowd in an attempt to scale the slick quarter pipe and, with the assistance of the previous victors, to mount the 15′ summit. In an attempt to get up quickly and help some folks, F3 and otherwise, YHC skirted the waiting onlookers and made a few unsuccessful shots at the top. In between tries, many, especially the tall gents, were making it look like child’s play. I returned to the fold to find Ocho back on the ground after having already made the ascent. Butt Splice had inadvertently pulled him back down as he tried, in vain, to make it up. With the brilliant Walleye extending his lengthy arms towards the next contestants, the guys one by one made it up. After an embarrassingly  high number of failed tries, this now bruised and battered Q joined his comrades in victory.

    Anyone who knows anything about the tough mudder knows that that one of the most anticipated , and feared, obstacles is the Electroshock! While most of us caught a shock or 2, poor Shooter, who had almost made it through with only 1 zap, took a shot that rung his bell. Being St.Patty’s day, the luck of the Irish must have been shining on Steve, Reluctant Yankee and Jingle Vader (hope I got that right), because they got through scott free. We were all entertained as we prepared to move on by a bald, hardcore ranter who got tagged in the face and many other places as he worked his way through – SON OF A BITCH!

    At the last obstacle, Happy Ending, we ran into fellow F3 Saxon who, along with Jesse from Chattanooga, Ocho, and Butt Splice, formed the base and extension of our human ladder that helped a lot of recently rinsed fools get to the top. Eventually we retrieved our magnanimous brothers and slid down the other side to cross the finish line, arms locked.

    As we gathered post-race with out victory beers (and recovery drinks) in hand to close out with a COT, we were in a unique and enviable position to name an out-of-state FNG. Welcome Big Easy to the F3 Nation! We hope he returns to Chattanooga and hits up one of the 5 area posts up that way. Thanks to Butt Splice for his emotionally aroused prayer to take us out.

    Gentlemen, despite some bumps and bruises this was an extraordinary adventure, and I am blessed to have taken the journey with each of you. Many thanks for following my lead to the starting line today.