The ‘Yote Bowl
By Coyote
The morning presented itself to YHC as crisp and chilly. The crazy winds that had been batting at us all week had taken a break for the weekend: a perfect day for a little F3 flag-football. Pope and YHC set up a field about fifty yards long with five-yard end zones and a first down line halfway through the field.
The Pax showed up quickly, and YHC was not surprised that there were so many 2.0’s, including YHC. Yankee Joe and Brass Monkey showed up a little late, but nobody noticed. YHC and the Pax skimmed over warmups and moseyed over to the Field by Bayou Road, the place where the field was. The teams were assembled, Team 1 consisting of Goose, White Meat, Brass Monkey, Lil Cuz, Bam-Bam, Jackknife, and Pikachu. Team 2 had Man-Eater, Yankee Joe, Cap’n D, Pope, Darrel Strawberry, Duke, and YHC. YHC announced that there would be a football trivia question every touchdown, and every five minutes on the minute, the Pax would have to do five burpees. Team 2 started with the ball, moved down the field, and ended the drive with a disappointing punt. Team 1 got the ball, and after a few plays, were four yards from the first down line on fourth down. They went for it and a pass from Lil Cuz to Brass monkey was batted down. Team 2 got the ball, and finished the drive with a touchdown to Man Eater on a flea-flicker play. The trivia awaited, and “Who has the record for most rushing yards in a season?” tested the knowledge of the Pax. Cap’n D answered with Eric Dickerson: the correct answer. The score was Team 2:7, Team 1:0. Team 1 got the ball, and wasted no time telling us that they were not brushoffs and moved down the field fast. On first and goal, Lil Cuz threw a pass meant for either Goose or Brass Monkey. Either way, they both jumped up, focused on the ball, ready to snag it out of the air…and slammed into each other. Quote Goose, “When I saw that ball in the air, I felt like I was 12 again.” They redeemed themselves and scored on a pass to Brass Monkey. Cap’n D answered the next question, and we played on. 7-7. Next, Man Eater threw a bomb meant for Yankee, but it was intercepted by Cuz. Team 1 Scored on another pass to Goose. 14-7. The next drive was interesting, and YHC’s team stuck to short passes and handoffs, more than half of them going to Pope, and Cap’n D caught a touchdown pass, and answered the question correctly. Game tied 14-14. Team 2 drove down the field, and this drive put the 2.0’s on the map. Bam-Bam caught the first pass of the drive and ran six yards, then he caught another pass for more yards. Then Brass Monkey smashed through Team 2’s entire defense and got a first down. Then Jackknife caught a pass and ran through a wide-open hole to the three-yard line. Then Bam-Bam caught a touchdown pass and Team 1 took the lead 21-14. Again, Cap’n D blew the trivia out of the water. On the first play of the next drive Man Eater threw a bomb pass to Cap’n D, who dove and caught it with his fingertips. But the next play, Man Eater threw a pass meant for Yankee Joe, But Lil Cuz jumped in front and snagged his second interception of the game. Goose took over as Quarterback for Team 1, and they went for it on fourth down, and White Meat dropped a pass. Cap’n D took over as Team 2’s Quarterback, and Yankee Joe caught a pass in the End Zone. 21-21. This time, Yankee Joe answered the question right. Team 1 still had Goose for a Quarterback, and when they got to the five-yard line, Cap’n D rushed Goose, and Goose ran into the End Zone. 28-21. Yankee Joe tramped the trivia, and Team 2 got the ball again. Cap’n D stayed as Team 2’s QB for the rest of the game, and his plays worked every time. After an amazing throw and catch from Cap’n D to Pope, we were at the seven-yard line. A pass to YHC was complete and YHC ran into the end zone and tied the game once again, and Yankee rocked the trivia, answering the question immediately after YHC asked it. 28-28. Team 1 threw three passes that were all batted down, and they punted. Cap’n D threw a huge pass to the other side of the field to Yankee Joe, and Yankee caught it and bowled over the line to give Team 2 the lead 35-28 with two minutes left to play. Team 1 dashed down the field and scored on a pass to Goose. The score was tied again. The trivia was crushed by Joe. 35-35. With 14 seconds left to play, Team 2 lined up fast and an incomplete was thrown. For the last play of the game, Cap’n D threw a Hail Mary to Pope, and Pope caught it and turned around to go for the game-winning touchdown…but then stepped out of bounds. The game ended with a score of 35-35, a tie. The Circle of trust was done, and the ‘Yote Bowl ended. Thank you guys for your prayers, and for a great football game…and beware of ‘Yote Bowl part two: overtime.
Tag: Coyote
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The Yote Bowl – from Goose
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Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose
YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
Coyote -
Belch at the Peltch – from Goose
12 men (big and little) gathered courageously at The Peltch for the final, brutal IPC of 2024. For one in particular, it took a lot of courage: the soon-to-be-named L-loyd, Safety Valve’s FNG 2.0, Peyton saw a circle of large, surly men grunting through the dark morning’s tightness, one of whom was wearing what looked to be a woman’s tank top, and he was reluctant to jump in. So was YHC, but not Duke–he was the opposite of reluctant this morning, and he ran to make friends with the other similar sized human form in the gloom, and they warmed up in mini 2.0 fashion about 20 yards away.
Eventually, unable to push off the inevitable any longer, we gathered the gear and headed to the track. The IPC went like this:
8 rounds, 5 minutes apiece: 200 m run, 30 reps of a given exercise, 200m run, and then burpees till the end of the 5 minutes. Count your total burpee reps over the 8 rounds for your “score”. The exercises were as follows:Round 1: Freddy Mercurys
2: Pickle Pounders
3: Flutter Kicks
4. Plank Jacks
5. Monkey Humpers
6. Squats
7. LBC’s
8. SSHSpirits were still high for Round 1 as the PAX mumblechattered their way around the track, the mini 2.0’s sprinted ahead, and all completed more burpees in 2.5 minutes than they expected to. Round 2 on went about as expected: mumblechatter was greatly reduced, the carefully curated playlist became just background noise, Honeysuckle stayed about 40-50 yards ahead of the pack, the mini 2.0’s played imaginary football (or something) on the field, and everything but counts sank into the brain fog.
Despite the threat of takeover from the survival instinct, YHC still had the wherewithal to notice the awesome effort of every man out there, including the medium 2.0s. Nobody walked, and the majority stayed ahead of YHC on the track pushing hard the entire time, keeping the bar high, and not saving anything for the ride home.
Admittedly, YHC was having a hard time performing at any kind of heroic level. The runs were the much needed breaks, and catching up to the front runners felt impossible. And, with only one glove, YHC quickly followed Valve’s lead in taking advantage of the (little bit) softer turf to avoid the cheese grater that the track was on the hands during burpees. His performance (and later Dox’s) right next to me was impressive, as was Honeysuckle’s and everyone who started doing burpees ahead of YHC (which was everyone but Smooth, who remains impressive in his ability to joyfully accept and own the things that are killing him, which usually include lots of running and burpees. Here’s to the clydesdales.).
After round 8, YHC flopped to the ground drinking in the free oxygen before Dox hauled me back to vertical position from which I could see a yard sale of heaving bodies splayed on the track. But, we still had 7 minutes left, so after a 10-count, YHC turned off the Amy Grant, and we headed back to the flag for some Mary. More exercise certainly wasn’t easy, but anything was better than burpees.
At 7:30, we counted off, and during name off shared the number of burpees achieved. YHC though it would be good to allow the monumental feat each man had accomplished to be known and appreciated by others. Each man had something to be proud of, especially Honeysuckle who cranked out 208, earning him the coveted Blue Tube.
In an interesting, cosmic amalgamation of many small circumstances and decisions, Valve and YHC somehow finished at the exact same number. And we didn’t start or stop or take breaks at the same time or anything. What does it mean? What implications does it have? What does it reveal about the space-time fabric of the F3 Universe?
These questions would have to wait as we had an FNG to name. Peyton is into Legos, particularly Ninjago, so it was an easy decision. L-loyd (pronounced “luh-loyd”) was quickly christened, and we’re sure to see his small, fast form sprinting ahead of many a Peltch Indian Run line.
There’s nothing quite like suffering through really tough stuff together with a group of good men, which is why YHC looks forward to September every year. But, thank God it’s over. We did it, and now we can rest on our laurels. Until Monday.
SYITG,
Goose -
It Was Quite the Palooza – from America’s Best
30 years ago today: August 10, 1994.
Do you know where you were? Of course not, you were probably a preteen or a baby. But old man AB does. Lollapalooza, Raleigh, North Carolina. Green Day. The Beastie Boys. A Tribe called Quest. Smashing Pumpkins. George Clinton. The Breeders. Even Shaquille O’Neal.
Could this PAX even identify the music of these performers?
Probably not without Honeysuckle, and definitely not without Popeye.The warmarama:
SSH, Abe Vigotas, mountain climbers, slow high knees, regular butt kicks, crazy arms circling whilst picking cherries, maybe something else.The First Thang- Left my gas card in El Segundo:
Begin with a mosey down the road…
(YHC still clearly remembers casting off his mother’s suggestions to bring extra snacks and drinks for the journey. “Mom- it’s not the Oregon Trail. We can stop at any gas station if we need any of that.”
Unfortunately, 18-year old AB didn’t think to stop at a gas station for gas… and car no go without the gas.
It was a different time. It was the 90s.
No cellphones, no internet. Not a single luxury. So when you run out of gas on the interstate, you just … wait.)
So we stop on our mosey and just wait.
And just listen to A Tribe Called Quest (and another yet-to-be-identified band)
Hold Al Gore until you can’t anymore. Then hold plank until you can’t.The 2nd Thang:
Boulevard of Broken DreamsThe girls spent too long getting ready, some of the crew wants to stay in the car a while longer, and the guy with IBS has to find a porta-potty immediately. The result of all this nonsense is missing almost all of Green Day’s set.
Because YHC is still a bit salty about that, the PAX gets to relive some of the frustration of traveling back and forth to the car before finally getting into the show.
11s
Start with one Bobby Hurley(at the gates) then run to do 10 no-cheat Merkins (at the car), then bear-crawl back to the start. Continue the process until the physical pain erases the emotional anguish.3rd Thang:
A Brass KickingFirst song: Brass Monkey
(Like I said, it was a different time. The 90s were wild with songs normalizing questionable social practices).
Curls during the song, and monkey-humping goblet squats on each “monkey”Followed by “Can I Kick it?”
Yes you can… flutter kick until you hear that question, then heels to heaven.Final Thang: Again, Again, Again
The best and worst thing about Lollapalooza is all the music and all the stages. Here the PAX got to celebrate and lament moving between the stages.4 stages (corners) escalator
Stage 1: 10 burpees
Run to
Stage 2: 10 burpees+20 BBS
Run to
Stage 3: 10 burpees+20 BBS+30 merkins
Run to
Stage 4: 10 burpees+20 BBS+30 merkins+40 air squatsAbout halfway through, the PAX flexed its music chops, as Popeye ID’d Kim Deal’s band The Breeders, then Honeysuckle the Album name, and Cardinal called out the year released (he was 1).
Then, sometime near the end of the escalator, Popeye made me question my memories, nay, my entire existence, insisting that the Beastie Boys surely didn’t play Sabotage at Lollapalooza ‘94.
But I SWEAR they closed with it. What was happening? At this point I was somewhere between burpee number 40 and my 112th merkin, so I was beginning to question everything. What if Puddle of Mudd IS my favorite 90s band? Am I actually a fan of Depeche Mode? Maybe I do enjoy omelets?!?!?
YHC was beyond confused, like Arnold Schwarzenegger at the end of Total Recall, or Joe Biden at the end of breakfast. “Who ate all my toast?”Thankfully the beatdown was ending. I pushed Popeye’s ill communications from my mind and stumbled to the flag for COT.
Super-stoked to have Cardinal out there again, and honored to have him pray us out.
Always an honor to lead this group (and subject you to some of the Best American music history).
SYITG,
AB
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Mark it, Dude. – from Honeysuckle
Seven HIMs who were wise and would never compromise arrived to the Peltch for what was clearly going to involve the track. The only real concern for Daryl Strawberry’s or Popeye’s shoes were the warmarama and COT, so everyone carefully chose a spot and we began.
Warmarama: SSH, Imperial Walkers, Lafayette Nightclubs, Arm Circles (F/R), Cherry Pickers, Self Love, maybe some other things
Thang 1:
Mosey to the track. Since the front gate was open, we entered that way and felt like we weren’t sneaking in. As the speaker wasn’t working for YHC this morning, the PAX did not have the pleasure of hearing the Greta Van Fleet (schism-worthy) playlist that was to be the background motivational music. So the first thang was done in silence, other than the heavy breathing.
Starting at the goal line, bear crawl to the 5 yd line, run back. Do the same thing for the 10 yd line through 50 yd line. At the 5, 10, 15, … yd line turnarounds, do that number of tempo squats. At the 10, 20, 30, … yd line turnarounds, do that number of merkins. This was done to the 50 yard line. This was a challenging task and YHC thought a few times about being merciful, but ultimately no modifications were made and the PAX completed this eventually.
Thang 2:
Now on to something a little more fun. The overall idea for the next two thangs were to make the PAX run, but have tasks to complete to take their minds off it. Everyone received a slip of paper with five colored circles. Each PAX’s circles were in different order. Around the track were seven orange cones, five of which were covering markers. PAX had to run around the track, and checking cones to find the markers. Their circles had to be colored in the order that they appeared on the paper. If the marker was the correct color, PAX would fill in the circle. If the marker was not the correct color (or there was no marker), PAX had to do 5 burpees. Also, after you flip a cone, you had to reverse direction.
As difficult as these instructions were to understand, they were also difficult to carry out. The 5 burpees seemed cruel so YHC did change this to 1 burpee. Eventually, Coyote and Daryl Strawberry finished, and YHC ended the game right before Goose and Pope finished. Depending on how good or bad you were at this game, you ran quite a bit.
Thang 3:
Since the markers were already distributed around the track, the PAX paired up and each went to a different location on the track. At the start time, the pairs would play Paper/Scissors/Rock. The loser had to do Big Boy Situps in place. The winner would use a marker to make a mark on their paper (like a passport stamp) and run to the next location. The person doing BBS would keep going until someone showed up to play them. If the BBS person completed 30 before someone showed up to play them, they could get their mark and leave. YHC does not remember the result, but it was quite a while before YHC was able to leave the initial station. That’s a lot of situps.
Thang 4:
Quick try again for some Greta Van Fleet (Black Smoke Rising), now using a different speaker, so we circled up and did SSH during the song and mountain climbers during the refrain. But YHC had trouble identifying the refrain. Then mosey back to the flags for COT.
Announcements, prayer intentions, Goose prayed us out. No clothing to exchange today.
Thanks everyone for showing up and grinding through today! It continues to be a blessing to be a part of this group!
I heard it through the Honeysuckle vine: What’s the deal with that Olympics opening ceremony? Can we just watch sports?
SYITG,
Honeysuckle -
Gambling with Minors – from Goose
YHC showed up at the Peltch fully expecting it to be just Maneater and Jacknife joining the truckful of Dawsons on this Independence Day weekend, but what to my wandering eyes should appear, but Cuz, Honeysuckle, and Smooth, each with a 2.0. I think this is actually the first time I’ve ever attended a beatdown with more 2.0’s than 1.0’s. Even if we counted Pope as a full-grown PAX, the little ‘uns still outnumbered us 7 to 6. And, when we finally got them to put the sticks down, it was time to warmup.
Did the usuals, but introduced the Lafayette grass-grabbers, increasing the Lafayette warmup exercises to 30% of the total this morning. You see that math? That kind of quick figuring is what almost got YHC first place in the poker tournament. But, almost means I didn’t. An unlikely victor ran away with the prize, but we had some work to do first.
After the warmup, we moseyed to the farther end of the lower field, and YHC set up Bose with what was assumed to be a blast from the past, a reminder of years we might not want to be reminded of. (…right around the time we learned not to end a sentence in a preposition.) YHC set up Bose, gave instructions, and let fly with “Lucas with the Lid Off”, a top 25 track from 1994 with a Grammy nominated music video. We planked for the duration, toe tapped (reached under and touched opposite foot) for every “catch the vibe” and merkins for every “bubbles”. YHC expected maybe Maneater or at least Honeysuckle had heard it on the radio in middle school, but it was as if I had pulled a deep track from an unpopular album from an obscure Scandinavian country. YHC was like, “But it played on the radio all the time,” and they and every single person on GroupMe were like, “You sure that was a radio?” Whatever–music videos from other dimensions don’t get nominated for Grammys. At least I don’t think they do. But, it did motivate me to see how many other songs seemed to vanish into thin air somehow in future Q’s. More to come on this…
On to the main event, the F3 2024 Poker Tournament. The PVC cards from the Deck of Death were still wet from last time, so shuffling was difficult, but YHC managed, and each man was given 5 cards while each boy was given 3. The men paired up for one on one 5-card draw poker while the boys paired up for battle/war. The loser of each pair had to do the exercises on the cards of the hand with the harder exercises, and the winner did the exercises on the easier hand. If you did your math, like YHC, you’d see that pretty much every card was used (we included the jokers and the instructions cards–they were wild), whihc meant that there was no avoiding the really tough ones. Someone was going to be doing the 25 burpess or the 400m sprint. The jokers were frog hops between trees, which brought back bad memories from not too long ago.
After all 5 exercises (or 3 for the wee ones) were completed, the winners went to the winners’ bracket, and the losers to the losers’ and we did it again. After that round, we had a winning winner’s bracket, a losing losers’ bracket, and a bracket that combined the winning losers and the losing winners from the previous round. YHC and Bam Bam were the final pair to face off for the title of King Poker Face, and he won with a pair of 4s. After getting an actual flush the round before (no wilds), YHC could only muster a king-high, so Bam Bam emerged as the champion, and YHC had to do some sprinting.
With about 10 minutes on the clock, we went all against all, 5-card stud, and somehow Cuz ended up with three kings and a Joker, so the whole PAX did the exercises on the cards in his hand. (Shared suffering is so much better than doing your own sets of different excercises, even if you’re right next to someone else.)
After this, we hustled back to the flag for about 6 minutes of Mary: WWI situps, crunchy frogs, heels to heaven, wife pleasers, Afflecks, and side planks. COT, intentions offered, especially for the PAX on family retreat, and Coyote prayed us out.
Awesome work, fellas! It’s always such a gift to start the weekend with such quality men.
SYITG,
Goose -
Always a Gunner – from Safety Valve
YHC pulled up to scope things (and maybe come up with a beatdown idea) slightly earlier than usual. The air was thick and electric – the thunderstorm and lightening had YHC questioning if he should just turn around and say he overslept. Then he remembered that White Meat HC’d the night before. YHC couldn’t let a good chance go to waste to hurt that man again. In the wise words of our feathered leader, “we do not deserve to be comfortable.”
Warmaramma
SSH
High knees (the real kind)
Butt kicks
Willy mays hays (very slow)
mountain climbers
Arm circles forward and backward
Cherry PickersThang
With it being the last weekend of premier league soccer (YHC’s team is in the running for the title this year) and YHC’s first Saturday Q, playing some sort of soccer was on the docket. But first, some time had to be “wasted”. We moseyed over to the ED white stadium.
1 mile run under 8 minutes was ordered – everyone complied and no dishonorable discharges had to be handed out. Dox and Honeysuckle led the group with around a 7 minute pace. There was some discontent in our little group of Ronnie, Goose, Pope, and YHC. Ronnie was helping to set our pace, but a backhanded compliment about being a good person to draft behind from Goose sent Ronnie into a new level. We finished with a 7:20 pace. White meat, Popeye and Wet tap were close one our heels.
Next, the rules of our main event was explained. We would be playing soccer, with traditional soccer rules. No throwing the ball, no punting the ball. Just plain old soccer, using your feet. There would be 3 teams all playing at the same time with one ball. In essence each team had a goal to defend and two goals they could score on. Once a team was scored on, they would be out of the game and would have to do big boy sit ups until the last team was knocked out. If someone shot and missed the goal, that entire team had to do 3 burpees. Having three teams vs two added just the perfect amount of chaos that was needed to fulfill a F3 Saturday beatdown. Three separate games were played with a “halftime” show in between each game.
Halftime show #1 – Tubchumper by Chumpawampa
SSH for duration of song with burpee for every “I get knocked down..”Halftime show #2 – Stairway to heaven
For the duration of the song: bearcrwal to 10 yardline and do 10 merkins and sprint back, bearcrawl to 20 yardline and do 20 merkins and sprint back, etc until the song was over. This wasn’t received well.Observations :
#1 – Pope is athletic. I’m not sure he ever touched a soccer ball before, but he schooled most of us, including YHC.
#2 – White meat has balled before – don’t let that innocent face convince you otherwise
#3 – Goose is competitive, we know this. But, soccer is his weakness. I think it’s because he can’t just toss people over his shoulder in soccer. It’s frowned upon. File this away for another day.
#4 – What Goose lacks in soccer skills though, he makes up for it in fatherhood. Seeing Duke literally give whatever he can to the group is amazing to watch. This 4 year old’s insight of the world is so advanced for his age. He felt like he wasn’t able to contribute to his team playing soccer since his Dad was trying to run him over, but he saw a need elsewhere. He became the best ball boy any soccer pitch has ever seen. T-claps for sure.
#5 – YHC team was full of all-stars: Lil Cuz is a master shot stopper, his skills could only be compared to Wet tap playing ultimate frisbee. Popeye was the only level minded person on the field when he decided that just playing defense is the way – let the other two teams full of cavemen go after one another first. Brilliant! See #4 for Duke.We made it back to flag with 3 minutes to spare. YHC thought hard about ending the beatdown early, but once again, I couldn’t let White Meat down. We laid down in the mud puddles and completed 3 minutes of Mary. Announcements were made. The rugby jersey was handed from Lil Cuz to YHC – he must have appreciated the bearcrawl to heaven earlier. Lil Cuz prayed us out.
Thanks for coming out this morning and playing some weird sport that not many people are into. Always a pleasure to lead
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Gifts – from Paradox
YHC rolled into the Peltch on his last day of 35 with a song in his heart and some gifts for the pax. On Tuesday YHC had been gifted with the wealth of Fort Knox and now it was time to give back. This day would be about honoring the diverse group of Thib pax and the gifts they bring to all of us. So YHC put together a birthday bucket list of destinations to honor each group .
DUKE! theres too many candles, get out of here, its gonna blowwww!
Warmup
36 SSH and heavy shoulder work to prep the coupon party.
Great to have Toeloop out to work. Sorry you showed up for day 1 of the Dox cardio revenge tour but if your eye doctor calls out a lack of cardio it puts retaliation in the drinking water and YHC got thirsty.
Black Snake Indian run to Thunderdome
Warmup Song
“I’ve Been Everywhere Man ”
Johnny Cash
Plank
Mountain Climbers on Cities/States
Plank Jacks on Everywhere
Merkins on Man
We successfully located Shreveport And Ferriday as LA cities in the chorus and Goose prolly has some friends in a DC circle in Winnamucca or maybe thats Opelika, maybe both.
Da Main Thang- Travel the Bucket List
These are setup as a series of “Amazing Races” and followed by the group they were dedicated to.
1. } Egypt – the Great Pyramid of Geezers
-Dedicated to our aged pax. YHC draws inspiration that we aren’t going to be physical dried up bags after we turn 36. I mean our “older” guys are absolute studs and it’s a gift to see y’all reverse Father Time every beatdown.
1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1 cawn setup
Split into two groups , Opposite sides , Bearcrawl – Burpee with increase at each cawn.
Goose and ladybug were team 36 north and one thing you want to avoid is lining up intentional contact with Goose as he bearcrawls his way to freedom like Andy Dufrene. Valve is still taking ibuprofen as we speak.
2.) Stone Henge
Dedication to the Clydesdales.
Power over finesse , these pax make the coupon look like tea cups.P1 Thrusters
P2 curls
P3 broad jump burpee to cone and back
3.) Great Barrier Reef
Dedicated this one for the creativity of our pax. With a lot of confidence I can attest that our gang is one of the most creative in F3nation. The quality beatdown/backblast combos consistently produced are amazing and every time a flag is planted it’s a good time.
P1 Pick an exericse on the exercise machine tree by the chimney. Been itching to try this thing for years.
P2 Flutter Kicks
P3 suicide
To baseball field
4.)HobbitTown
Dedicated to the Chatter and the Fellowship. While YHC has never been much of a loaner , the quality and depth of fellowship with you men has meant so much. Standing side by side in good times and bad , this fellowship aspect has been a game-changer.
3 man Hobbit Carry
P1 drags P2
P3 does 5 burpees then runs to relieve p1 until around the bases.To pull up bars
5) the beauty hike a volcano in Hawaii …just kidding this one is dedicated to the colon cleansers (YHC included)
p1 mountain Climbers
P2 run to top of volcano
P3 burp ups
Back to Stone Henge for the finale
6.) the Faith
Rome – Vatican City
Dedicated to the mysteries of our Faith and What God provides to sustain us through tribulation.
P1 genuflections
P2 heels to heaven
P3 Carry the burden – coupon lunge walk
Sprint back to flag for COT and Goose prayed us out.
Men , I started F3 at 33 years old and have been floored by what God has provided through this group in the last 3 years of my life. As stated above I know no other way to describe it than a gift.
Thank you for showing up , for your effort and for standing in the fire with me when things get tough.
SYITG
Devin Owens, Paradox, Thirtyyyy Five and holding
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Our Consolation Is Abundant – from Yankee Joe
First and foremost, welcome to @ZZ Leggs and @Elton. The joy of watching Goose and Reluctant Yankee (DRing from NOLA) go Beautiful Mind on us during FNG naming was a gift in itself. Both names are classic. Elton may be YHC’s favorite since the naming of Honeysuckle.
YHC has several grumpy old man pet peeves. One of them is the abundant and obnoxious misuse of the word, “awesome.” That said, YHC should admit he uses the work WAY too much himself. It’s harder to stop saying it than, for example, crossing through the eye of a needle…or perhaps catching the eye of a German optometrist.
To be awesome invokes the fullness of awe. Awe is typically invoked by events such as universe creation, miracles, defeating death, etc. So, when I hear certain PAX who are in their early 20’s and hail from LaRose say, “Bruhhh, those hot wings were AWESOME,” it makes one stop and ponder life in some confusion (and maybe sadness).
Recently, YHC just reached his two-year Manniversary with F3. As many can relate, the F3 experience has been nothing short of a miracle. Sound melodramatic? Well, you be the judge. When YHC moved his family to Thibodaux, he had a few good acquaintances and some old “friends” from previous life chapters. His physical health was right in line with an early 40’s bro who often thought about the glory days. From time to time, he would run for a week or two after seeing a picture in which he saw the gut sticking out. YHC had no faith practice to speak of. Prayers happened when the S#&@ was hitting the fan or he was getting his teeth kicked in by life, in general.
Blessed as he was to have a beautiful and growing family, along with a solid-ish career track, there was always something missing. “Something missing” is a dangerous place for a man to hang out…in between his ears…looking at deceivingly greener pastures elsewhere.
So…with F3 came:
1) meaningful friendships;
2) the best physical/emotional shape in his life…since 1997;
3) an awakening toward a faith life, leading ultimately to a full conversion to Catholicism;
4) everything rich fruit that bountifully follows as a result of the previous three points.
Still sound melodramatic? Deal with it, Pop.
Coming up on his first year since confirmation in the Catholic Church, YHC is certainly not on the ballot for any ‘rookie of the year’ awards. That said, his faith has deepened in ways he never knew possible. Having never walked the Stations of the Cross before, it is these types of faith engagement of which YHC is just starting to now scratch the surface. And dang, bro…it’s some powerful stuff.
After some thought and clumsy prayer, YHC settled on a ‘Stations of the Cross’ beatdown for Holy Saturday. The night before, YHC had a vision for how this could play out: 14 cones (or cawhns in North Louisiana). At 11 pm that night, the cones were no longer dramatic enough. YHC needed more.
12 cinders and 12 cedar fence boards later, seven (7) crosses were hastily built. The PAX would go seven stations out (20 yards in between) and seven stations back. We would treat it as closely as time would permit to actually walking the Stations.
However, in our version, we would lunge-walk with coupons in between stations (aka…walking genuflections) to symbolize bearing our own crosses. For each station, YHC read the leader’s prayer, the PAX responded, selected scripture was read aloud, followed by three (for the Triduum) exercises for the station. The third exercise was designed to consistently be six (6) man makers. Why? God made man on the sixth day.
We would not have time to complete all exercises for all stations, but the PAX arrived at the 14th Station with two minutes to spare, picked up their coupons and sprinted back to the flag. The lunge-walks were brutal, the man makers were nauseating, and the side by side partner squats were disturbing…but not as awkward as the Suzanne Somers goblet squats.
YHC will refrain from further narration. It’s not about him or the PAX…or the external validation derived from a quality backblast. On Saturday, seventeen men and soon to be men entered into Christ’s Passion.
It was actually…
Awesome.
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Stations
I. Jesus Is Condemned to Death
20 Prisoner squats
20 Nolan Ryans – both sides
6 man makersII. Jesus Carries His Cross
20 Goblet squats
20 WWI sit-ups (no block)
6 man makersIII. Jesus Falls the First Time
20 Burpees
20 Mountain climbers (2:1)
6 man makersIV. Jesus Meets His Mother
20 flutter kicks w block
20 WW2 Sit-ups with block/ or modify without
6 man makersV. Jesus Is Helped by Simon of Cyrene
20 partner air squats (side by side)
20 Alternating partner shoulder tap merkins
6 man makersVI. Jesus Is Comforted by Veronica, Who Wipes His Face
20 apolo ohno’s (1:1)
20 chilcutt jacks
6 man makersVII. Jesus Falls Again Beneath the Weight of the Cross
20 burpees, hand release merkins at bottom
20 LBCs w/ block
6 man makersVIII. Jesus Comforts the Women of Jerusalem
20 Suzanne Somers (squats, toes pointed out)
20 J-Lo’s (2:1)
6 man makersIX. Jesus Falls for 3rd Time
20 Bonnie Blair’s (2:1)
6 man makersX. Jesus Stripped of His Clothes
20 Thrusters
6 man makersXI. Jesus Nailed to the Cross
20 Star jumps
6 man makersXII. Jesus Dies, Commending Himself to the Father
20 genuflections
20 V-ups
6 man makersXIII. Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross and Placed in the Arms of Mary
20 WW3 sit ups w/ block or modify to WW2 sit ups
20 Leg lifts holding block straight up
6 man makersXIV. Jesus is Placed in the Tomb of Joseph of Arimathea
Coupon run back to flag
6 man makers -
Still of Steel – from Honeysuckle
PAX: Enron, Captain D’s, Piccadilly, Safety Valve, America’s Best, Cardinal, Yankee Joe, Wet Tap, Lil Cuz, Popeye, Maneater, Pope, Coyote, Duke, Jackknife, Swedish Fish
On a particularly gloomy morning in the gloom, the PAX assembled in anticipation of what was in store. Noting the tendency to congregate in the more paved area of the usual gathering place, YHC made a few gracious adjustments to today’s locations, but only a few. The posting of Captain D’s was a welcome sight, as was that of an FNG.
YHC had been a little nervous for a V Saturday Q, trying to live up to the standard that the usuals provide. What if YHC inadvertently changed something? What if it only lasted 45 minutes? That would be a big change, even when put up against all the other changes since Goose has been out. Sure, Yankee Joe allowing some M’s to join last week, and Dox charging a $2 per workout per PAX on Thursday for “administrative overhead”, and Safety Valve having an indoor beatdown on Monday due to slightly imperfect conditions, and Enron forgetting to do a COT, and Coyote secretly being an elite hired coach weren’t that big of a deal, but as AB knows, being told “nice job fitting an hour into 45 minutes” is not a compliment. So YHC planned for a little extra.
The PAX begrudgingly circled up and a typical warmarama was performed. Until the end, that is, when YHC introduced the Equalizer, which was taken from a recent downrange experience. 12 SSH’s, 12 SSH’s with arms steady, and 12 hops, followed by 11 of each, 10 of each, and so on until we reached 1-1-1. The PAX picked this up quite well. Yankee Joe seemed to be requesting a Jewish version, which we didn’t do today but one option for another day would be to start with 9’s, one per Menorah candle.
Then we did a “standard” Indian run to the tennis courts, a nice paved surface that the PAX would have the opportunity to closely examine for cracks and debate where the expansion joints should have been put. The theme today would be in contrast to the running, rucking, and motion in general that was February. The flagship exercises of each Thang would be static holds, ideally motionless, all done in a Dora format.
Thang 1
The hold would be a mission impossible plank, while the partner ran to the chimney and did 2 merkins and 2 squats. Then run back and switch. After the second partner completed 2 merkins and 2 squats, they would move to round 2, where an additional 2 squats and 2 merkins were performed. In general, for round n, 2n squats and 2n merkins were performed. YHC is relieved that these workouts can be described in algebraic form, now that the true intellect of the PAX is beginning to shine through. There was no set goal for this since, hey, it was a Saturday, but in the end we stopped before we got to the square root of 50 rounds.
Thang 2
Moseying over to the monkey bars, the same general format would be used for Thang 2. Partner 1 would perform a dead hang while Partner 2 performed 1 burpee in round 1. In general, n burpees performed in round n. YHC has recently taken Q explaining lessons from AB, and he assured me that if the PAX don’t understand something, it’s not the Q’s fault because it was perfectly explained. Unequivocally. So, YHC is not at fault for most of the PAX not getting that when the hanging partner has to quit before the burpees are done, then the team is out and does Al Gores. Eventually the word did get around though. This eventually left one team hanging, Captain D’s and YHC. Now, YHC is not sure if Captain D’s has been secretly practicing this every day for the past week or two like YHC has, but he put up quite an impressive effort.
Thang 3
That brings us to the third event of the day. The PAX took a short mosey to the other side of the playground equipment apparatus, which was the parking lot of the Rec department. YHC produced a list of exercises, including WWI sit ups, Apollo OhNos, Reverse crunch, Crab Dip, LBC’s. 150 of each. Originally this was to be done in a 3-man format in the large field, but due to the conditions YHC kept it to 2-man in this smaller (paved) area, revealing a few flaws in the translation but the PAX is nothing if not resilient. In this case, the hold was alternating between a wall chair or balls to the wall, with the wall being the rec center. YHC called a few early exercise changes so that we would get to more things, and several PAX excelled at Crab Dips and were excited about other ways to apply their newfound skills.
Then the PAX moseyed back to the flag. The inVESTment was bestowed from Pope to Enron due to his golden gloves, which were not CoolJobs but Midas brand as they turned his hands gold as well. Maneater prayed us out, and AB got his phohwn to take the photo.
Thank you to the PAX for showing up. And giving it your all every time. It really was an honor and a privilege to get to lead you today. If anyone gets called about having to clean the side of the Rec building, let me know and I’ll take care of it.
Prologue: As the theme for this beatdown came together, several events and thoughts came into focus through that lens. The contrast between one partner apparently “doing nothing” (holds) and the other being very busy (burpees, merkins) reminded me of my own judging of and comparing with others. Both jobs were hard today, but when I am a mover I think moving is harder and being still is easy. And vice versa. Which reminds me of something a Methodist minister told my wife and me before we got married. A story of a husband and wife doing laundry, and the husband says, “You know, sometimes I feel like I am the one doing everything around here.” And the wife says, “You know, sometimes I feel like I am the one doing everything around here.” I think about that story almost daily, and try to remember two things. First, there is just a lot of **** to do around here. And second is that egocentric view that what we are doing is harder, better, etc. and what they are doing is easy. And then Thursday, when Paradox said, “Man, Goose makes planting that flag look easy” and AB said, “Paradox makes taking the picture look easy” were two nice examples of appreciating that those “easy” things others do may not be so easy.
SYITG,
Honeysuckle
