F3 New Orleans

Tag: Coyote

  • Fitness, Faith and the Fellowship of the Thang – from Paradox

    One beatdown to smoke them

    One beatdown to find them

    A free men’s workout that calls them home

    And in the gloom it binds them …

    The beacons of Gondor were lit !
    And 13 pax answered. They came from all corners of Middle Lafourche on this humid fall morning for a 2 year YHC Manniversary celebration.

    Members of the fellowship in attendance:

    – The Elven King Hon Suk El from the high castle of Rienzi . His lands and bannermen are many including the Lowes and the Academy. He was accompanied by Royster Princes Ewok and Yelnats requesting burpees for breakfast.
    – The nomadic wizard Goosedalf from the ethereal Oaks. He bringeth 3 wizard apprentices, trained trivia assassins Pope GooseSon and Coyote GooseSon and the most feared sprinter in the land Duke GooseSon.
    – The Scholar bandit known as the Shimmering Lox recently released from his prison studies. The bards will sing of his quads for many generations.
    – King Mudgear of the 12th cedar Fortresses. If a man threatens Merkin Rhabdo he will appear in aid , the legends be true. May his tail wind blow in your favor.
    – The Bard Tom BombaDiddle from the smoking marshes of HomeMaH. No fiddle he cannot play, no score he will not slay but his gas flute is deadliest of all.
    – The Warrior En Ronnie Lillicchh of the High Lands, though many question his name none question his mode of beast. The men of his family must all defeat the Snapping Turla , or be exiled .
    – Captain Pop Aye, the Kings Guard and the newly minted Earl of Sandwich, expert in sword and shield, master of the one word insult, and igniter of groupme flames.

    Thus they assembled the fellowship on this fine Saturday.
    Their fitness was sharp but many tests of faith stood before them…

    Duke!! Roll the Footage , we’re going to Mordor !

    Warmup
    SSH, IW, WM , AC, CP MC

    YHC had trouble keeping cadence due to the loud popping and clicking of joints left over from Safety Valves obliteration of the pax lower extremities on Thursday. He could not be reached for comment but the pax were jumpy at the mere mention of Bonnie Blair’s and I knew we were in for a a battle.

    As YHC was reflecting on his 2 year journey with F3 I noticed some of my favorite things about beatdowns blended nicely with a LOTR themed bd YHC has had on a back pot low simmer for a while. So I compiled my “lessons learned” over the last 2 years and sprinkled in some light Tolkien to put a bow on it.
    Don’t be hasty , one doesn’t simply walk into Mordor!

    Chapter 1.
    The Fitness and leaving your warm hobbit hole comfort zone

    YHC cherishes the moments where F3 has pushed the envelope of my physical and mental comfort zone in the last 2 years. Most ppl from my high school would tell you YHC was “fairly reserved” maybe even the dreaded “stays to himself” but f3 changes a man…
    -Monkey humpers during a cross county meet, no problem.
    -5 inch inseam shorts at a park at 6:30am , why ? cus YJ said so, that’s why.
    -Singing sea shanties during a 5k monsoon, just another lovely morning.

    So we Mosey’d to the Chimney representing our cozy hobbit Hole while training our Hobbit feet.
    Indian run with drop off 3 BBSU
    But today they are Bilbo Baggins sit ups. First sit-up , then right elbow to left knee , left elbow to right knee represents eating both first and second breakfast.

    At Da Chimney :

    Helms Deep Squat Trivia
    Correct 5 burpees
    Incorrect 15 burpees

    1. How old was Bilbo at the beginning -(111)
    2. What is the name of bilbos home? (Bag End)

    Ok let’s talk about the trivia real quick.
    I want you to imagine Dikembe Mutumbo (Pope) and Shaq (Coyote) standing beside a 6 foot basketball goal. YHC tosses soft layups as they swat balls into the rafters and their coach (Goose) nods in silent approval. The rest of the pax were simply spectators as they made child’s play of YHCs “moderate difficulty “ LOTR trivia. A fair warning to you trivia Qs out there, dem Dawson boys play for keeps. Do not bring weak trivia game into the paint.

    Bilbos 111th birthday
    111 big bilbo sit-ups
    Hobbit Walk to chimney , sprint back
    Many variations of the hobbit walk , all were accepted without shame while our local form police was furthering his doctoral study of burpee merkin combos this weekend.

    Helms Deep Squat Trivia
    3.) how many members are in the fellowship- 9
    4.) can you name them all?
    Gandalf, Frodo, merry, pippin, Sam, gimli, Legolas, boromir , Aragorn

    Again yawns from the pope and Coyote and “you knew better Dox” nod from goose
    – 5 burpees

    Chapter 2
    Forming The Fellowship
    Many Races but One Fellowship

    YHC concocted a few race schemes to display increasing difficulty paralleled with increasing brotherhood of F3.
    I tell someone almost every week about F3 and always remark something like “I hate half of these exercises if I have to perform them solo but when it’s with this crew I triple set my alarm to go at 5am in cold rain while swallowing chimchuri farts “ . The magic of the shared suffering , tough to describe but I think the team races help.

    The races would increase by 1 pax each round.
    Winner would pick 10 reps of any exercise for the pax

    1 ) solo bearcrawl – 10 merkins CrawlBear

    10 burpees from Ewok/Yelnats

    2 ) pax wheel barrow – 20 Carolina- swap and wheel barrow back

    3) 3 man carry 25 star jumps

    This sounded better on paper and YHC narrowly avoided being face to face with Paradiddles pair of diddles.

    4 ) 4 pax team lungeWalk 10 Bonnie Blair’s , …team Egnul Walk back to cone which ended up looking like a well oiled machine on the front end and a drunk octopus dying in a hail storm on the return journey.

    Helms deep squat Trivia :
    5.) who plays Aragorn – Vigo Mortesen
    6.) what is the name of the evil that Gandalf must stop in the minds of Moria to save the fellowship. – Balrog

    *At this point not only was Pope guessing the trivia answers AND questions he saw us moseying toward the bridge and was like “Khazad-dum next huh?”
    Unbelievable.
    What are you feeding this kid goose!

    Chapter 3

    The Bridge of Khazad-dum and
    Facing the darkness head on

    During IPC month every year there lies an extra mental challenge. When the Bengay video drops there is no hiding. Crayola stands in front of you just like a Balrog and no amount of staring will change the high rep counts. It’s part of the mental iron sharpening and all you can do is face it beside the pax.

    “7s “ at the Bridge
    6 Freak Nastys (decrease)
    Cross bridge with 2.0s as bridge troll form police while presenting 10 diamond merkins
    1 burpee (increase)

    2.0s were ruthless form police ! #JeauxcomeHome

    Chapter 4
    Finish Strong

    One of my favorite parts of an F3 beatdown is the last 10 minutes. Everyone is smoked. Sweat in eyes, engine on E then some ridiculous thang gets introduced and there’s a perceptible banding together to defeat the task. You think the tank is empty but looking around and seeing others to push for and there’s always more.

    The March to Mordor
    Partner up
    P1 lunges while P2 does 10 mountain climbers , when finishes run to p1 swap and 10 MC

    Goose and Lox won it and handed out some fine dirt pile derkins.

    Back to the flag for round robin Mary.

    Animal shirt to Diddle for skipping LOTR to practice drums. Worth it .

    Intentions for many suffering with illness, families in need and anxieties of the holiday season.

    COT and Diddle prayed us out

    Men it’s an absolute blast sharing these moments in the gloom with you and a privilege to get opportunities to lead.
    Looking forward to another great year.

    SYITG ,
    Dox

  • IPC: It’s Pure Crud, By Coyote – from Goose

    Today was the worst day of my life, I had to fly like a squirrel, I had to fight in World War 3, I couldn’t cheat with my Merkins, I had a fight with this jerk named Jillian Michaels, and every five minutes this voice came out of nowhere and told me to either Lunge walk, murder my bunny, or carry my rifle. It was a nightmare in the morning! If you sit down and get your popcorn, I’ll tell you the whole story….
     
                It was dark and crisp as YHC unloaded the killer material that YHC was forced to inflict on such innocent men!  After a few quick warmups, and YHC led the mosey to the field by Bayou Road. After a few brief introductions, we started the 45-minute timer of death. As we started, YHC looked around and saw that it was clear that some of the Pax would not make it through all this. But some of us managed to get to round two without the 5-minute timer interrupting our progress. YHC saw Yankee Joe and thought he was going to puke! A few even ripped their shirts off to beat the heat. Everyone hated the random voice that told us to walk in a really weird way. We were talking about the voice and how it didn’t compliment or encourage us until the very end, when it gave us a wimpy “Great job.” 
     
                In the end, we all survived, it was exhausting to even say our nicknames. We all loaded up the coupons, two smashed to pieces.
     
                And blam! That’s the story of how F3 Thibodaux survived the Execution of IPC, Week 1.

  • IronPax Week Zero – from Paradox

    You are gazing upon the happenings of Thibodaux, La on the morning of Sept 2 and there are many sights to behold. In the deep gloom near Peltier park several athletes push their bodies to the max in an annual event meant to find the limits of cardiovascular and psychological endurance. It comes every fall and like cool weather and Friday night football it signals the changing of seasons. That event is known as the ED White Cross Country meet.
    ….
    Now take your telescoping lens and scooch it over just a hair ..adjust the mean age by 17 years , sprinkle in wisdom and wrap it in grit and tenacity. Remove the cheering family and substitute with dual connect JBLs. There, there you are, just right. Now you have it.
    Can you see 15 pax surrounded by coupons and encircling the shovel flag prepared to face IPC week zero?

    IPC is finally here!!

    here’s how week zero took place on da bayou.

    Duke! Roll the footage and wake me up when September ends!

    Warmups
    After a week of prep with some finely tuned beatdowns, YHC wanted to add an extra layer of lather and injury protection before we put the pedal all the way to floor so we had round 1 of warmups at the flag with Seal Jacks , IW , Arm circles , CP, Self love , High knees , Butt kicks.
    The pax were loose and ready to dive in as we coupon moseyed to the ThunderDome for the main event.

    The Thang

    It’s taken YHC a few years to decode our QIC Gooses love language but most days I can translate it well. A few examples : “Your shorts are too short” really means “I’m shopping for shorter shorts tonight because they highlight your quads”. And “Those High Knee Arm circles are the dumbest thing in the known universe” really means “that’s an effective and thorough warmup Dox and I think you are swell”
    Of course this takes years of verbal battery to acquire but here I am better for it.
    So when YHC unveiled a 7 foot particle board sign with todays week zero instructions and Goose simply said “I wish it was taller” then I really knew he was saying “I’m overwhelmed by its magnificence and only a sonnet would suffice for praise”
    Fair enough my friend but I know how you really feel.
    YHC gave a quick rundown and we got to the work below:

    Start the timer
    Warmup
    13 reps
    SSH- IW-MC-ST-PJ

    800 meter run

    Then 85 Reps of each followed by 8 burpees after each round of :

    HR merkins
    BBSU
    Dips
    Goblet Squats
    Coupon OHP
    4 count flutter kicks
    KB swings

    800 meter run

    The Iron PaxCenter Top Plays
    Brought to you by CoolJabs :

    As most IPCs go when the whistle blows the vision tends to get hazy. Week zero was no exception and although YHC teetered somewhere between blurred vision and syncope for the duration these were the observations.

    -The pax got off to a nice start on the 800 meter with DiddleGoose (don’t google this ) upfront amd Pope as the pace car and the second wave of pax keeping a conservative pace just behind.

    – Turns out America’s Beast is an actual Virginian grizzly bear. Some think he began the transformation during Popes halo bear crawl of death. Whenever it was I’m here to tell you The BearMan was rolling with good form early with the HR merkins and YHC found inspiration in his intermittent bear grunts. If only we had a shirt for this occasion.
    – The 2.0s provided both stern form advice (Duke) and light hearted banter (Coyote) along with the watchful eye from our wagon EMT (Jack B Nimble)
    – Team JBL reassured the pax of high performance audio after a shaky week. Tuesday we were upstaged by a younger and more beautiful turtle box and Thursday JBL flip 6 (our brother formerly from OLOPs) provided some questionable connection. So Diddles JBL Burrito saved face and YHC did my best DJing to keep the pax spirits high. If some one doesn’t show up at my funeral and play Turn Down for What I’ll be a tad disappointed.
    – Dumbledore was performing coupon goblet squats so perfect and so deep I had to stop mid beatdown and write Crayola a letter via owl from the Hogwarts school of Glute and Quads. Well done Dore.
    – The goblet squats were a gut check for us all and it was no surprise they brought out Smooths best . He was hammering them 10 at a time and there was no quit as the Clydesdale awoke in him.
    – Great to have LOX back with us today! bringing in the summer magic and getting a good break from reading all those rich mohagney seminary books.
    – Gi Joe brought a steely performance amd YHC kept seeing him hit a wall, take a breath and break through to the next set. Well on his way to bring the fittest GI Doc in the state.
    – Overall this crew stood their ground through some ridiculously high reps and stayed in the fight till we hit 7:30 and circled up. T-claps indeed.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Grateful to lead men
    Keep hammering

    Moleskin :
    If you’ve attended 1 beatdown or really any social gathering you can usually find the guy in a group who has an internal pressure to hear his own voice. YHC was born with this affliction. So every year when IPC rolls around I find it a nice change of pace (if only brief) to work on battling the inner voice. The one that says 85 reps is stupid and that things are burning and here’s 9000 reasons you should stop. But 1 reason to keep going IS present and part of the iron sharpening process is looking over and seeing the guy next to you fighting that same battle. Each rep, each set, each week we sharpen each other a little more.
    Welcome to September men.

    See you in the Gloom
    Dox

  • The 2nd Annual St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    THE FELLOWSHIP THANG

    Often times during large events there are pivotal moments that go unnoticed. One minuscule decision where success or failure hinges upon a singular action. Sometimes these remain in the dark. An unsung hero never revealed. Silently knowing the weight of their contribution. But during the 2nd annual St Vincent 500 this very thing occurred and today we shall shed the light.

    Ya see, It was early during the St. Vincent 500 cookout on Friday evening, the music was fine (shoutout Caniacs) and the delicious jambalaya was flowing, courtesy of Headcheese and the Bourgeois Meat Market. Just one small problem,…We …well folks we had a trash issue. In haste YHC had mistakenly grabbed bathroom trash bags to put into 32-gallon trash cans. Ya hate to see it.
    The jambalaya plates were stacking up. The bags stretched thin. Lil Cuz disgusted he could not throw away his plate and immediately eat another and you know how he gets when he’s hungry for JUMBOlaya!
    All seemed lost.

    With the event Teetering on the brink of mass hysteria I heard a low confident voice at my shoulder. A voice molded by years of unheard lectures, it was calm and consoling.
    “Dox, take deep a deep breath, I can fix this”
    I turned and saw it in his eyes, this man was all in.

    “Fly! Fly like the wind Jeaux! You are our only hope!” I yelled as the tires of the douche wagon squealed silently and our knight in the blue Prius faded away on eastbound 308.
    We held our breath ..…

    If you are still with me (and it’s an excused absence if not)
    You may now be asking yourself “What does an eco-friendly sedan and a garbage mishap have to do with the greatest beatdown fundraiser west Lafourche has ever seen?”

    Well…everything

    Duke! Roll that footage it’s time to go racing, and we have a pharmacy in need !!

    26 High impact men assembled at the Stage for the 2nd annual St Vincent 500.
    Our local crew showed up in force early to set the course. Pretty sure Smooth camped out like Woodstock, living on Bourgeois Jambalaya and dat Dawg was STILL hungry for coupon OHPs. Many hands made light work as we counted our pennies and made notes to all our 2.0 investors that their tuppens would be well borrowed. Our brothers from the north and south shores soon arrived. Some early chatter that the noted absences from NOLA were due to late night promo code camp outs for the T-Swift tour. YHC will expect courtesy tickets for …”a friend”

    The Northshore gang rolled in just in time. The legend of Tanked Up had been propelled all year after his awe inspiring performance at the 22 SV. He strolled in trophy in hand with Grundy at his side using the Theragun with precision intimidation to all our pax. Reluctant Yankee and Sandbar came in strong followed by Zoolander with Blue steel good looks even at 6:30a. Just like that it was go time!

    THE FITNESS THANG

    The Stage was set, and Goose was elected as Q for his exemplary public speaking and dashing short shorts. He led us in a thorough race explanation and warmup with side glances at Yankee about to establish a no tolerance policy for shakira shimmy Bonnie Blair’s.

    The race is a 2 man event covering 1 mile with 20 exercise stations interspersed on the course around Richman’s loop. Just a simple fun run ya know.
    You have 1 hour to traverse the course and at each station picking up points as you go.
    There are three levels at each station : gold(25) silver (15) bronze (10) with 500 points available if your dare.

    The stations set by Goose this year and he was in the zoneeee:

    Thrusters: 30, 60, 90
    · Hello Dollys: 50, 100, 150
    · Curls: 50, 150, 250
    · Burpees: 30, 50, 100
    · WWI situps: 40, 100, 150
    · Genuflections: 40, 60, 100
    · Tricep extensions: 50, 150, 250
    · Gas pumps: 40, 80, 120
    · Apolo Onos (2:1): 40, 60, 100
    · Moroccan Night Clubs (2:1): 100, 200, 300
    · Pickle Pounders: 40, 80, 120
    · Monkey humpers (calves to thighs): 40, 100, 200
    · Coupon OHP: 40, 80, 120
    · Leg Raises: 50, 100, 200
    · Bobby Hurleys: 40, 80, 120
    · Chill cut Peter Parkers (2:1): 30, 60, 100
    · Freddy Mercurys (2:1): 50, 150, 250
    · Bonnie Blairs (2:1): 40, 80, 120
    · Partner Dora (bumper)—Suicide, Mission Impossible plank: 2 rounds for each partner (4 rounds total), 4 rounds for each (8 total), 6 rounds for each (12 total); if need to rest on plank, have to tell running partner to pause
    · Partner Dora (grass)—Lunge Walk there, run back; SSH: 200, 300, 400

    We wrapped up the instructions and warmup and there were no more pleasantries to exchange. Time to go racing.
    The horn blew at 7:22a with most functional teams ready to go at their stations and 1-2 dysfunctional relationships lost at sea.

    Team points and observations below (to my best recollection of the points I jotted down and names, if this is incorrect please write your Representative)

    Dox/ Gecko 175
    We came, We saw…We got a lot of pennies.
    Got Gecko on my 1997 Creatine and peanut butter sandwich diet…early favorites for 2033.

    Dumbledore/GIJoe 180
    Classic pairing here of a rookie with untapped potential and the OG of Ogs, veteran GI Joe. Can we talk about Dumbledores first two posts: A Thursday paradiddle followed by the SV500 would make most veterans reconsider their C’s or HC’s but he silently showed up and put in some absolute work! Killer postfolio hes building.
    Also tons of local reports out of 12 Cedars that Joe has ditched the golf clubs and has been black ops prepping on the streets of Thibodaux. Don’t call it a comeback this man is a regular. #GIJOE4LYFE

    Wet Tap/Spec 200
    Unstoppable forces plowing through immovable objects. These men will humbly do goblet squats for weeks before realizing the rest of us were squatting air.
    Team “Don’t Weaken” lived up to the family creed. Great effort.

    Michelin/Percolator 205
    Team shake and bake coming in hot with Percs OG knowledge all the way from BR. Michelin transforming into a coupon OHP machine in front of our eyes. Ya love to see it. Great to catch up with ya Perc!

    Smooth/Suckle 295
    Officially dubbed Thunder and Lightning these men were a true combination of Rottweiler and Greyhound. HS gets to tell all his ultra friends he did a “1 mile fun run” and Smooth lifted a combined 18-wheeler worth of coupons. Well done.

    Safety Valve/ Cardinal 310
    In most prison movies theres a scene where a old inmate teaches a new guy the ropes. Cardinal fell right into his role here teaching valve the “proper” form on coupon avoidance techniques and how to ask extra questions to buy yourself a ten count. Valve continued to display his quiet strength and running prowess.

    Sandbar/Reluctant Yankee 325
    (*this was a ballpark # recorded post-race and if yall had different, chime in)

    Team Southshore, making it look easy! T-claps to you gents for making the drive, especially for RY for making the early haul after taking his 2.0 to college the night before. Southshore was well represented and we always enjoy the Yankee drop-ins during holidays.

    Cuz/Popeye 325
    Nice performance here from Team Yeet ‘Em and Street Em. Popeye already solidified as the comeback performance of the ’23 pax year and even further padding his stats while carrying Cuz. Don’t get me wrong Cuz was putting in the work, just seemed distracted asking YHC why we couldn’t add the Punisher symbol to the SV500 logo. #TundraTough…. It’s a lifestyle.

    Ronnie/YJ 355
    Many high level analyst saying YJ exercised the demons of 2022 with the tremendous ab and leg prep May – August and despite cranking tents and tables all day on Friday both these men laid down game day strains. Ronnie looking jacked Diesel in that tank sonnn.

    Goose/Zoolander 380
    YHC was setup behind the form as impeccable (as expected) but the push to get the next level (silver to gold) was inspiring. Just two great Pax leaders ripping burpees or was it a Calvin Klein commercial.

    Pope/Paradiddle- 425
    For real, For real! When YHC heard earlier in the week this team was pairing up I had them pegged as a dark horse pick. Pope has shown many traits of having dat dawggg this year and its been so awesome watching him grow and having him at weekday beatdowns.
    If you aren’t local and don’t know the maniac formerly known as Diddle let me read you his bio….

    Favorite song: Numb- Linkin Park
    Likes: Cardio
    Dislikes: Ppl who dislike Cardio
    Hometown: Zone 5 and He’s the Mayor

    These men represented the Thib pax to the last rep and YHC couldn’t be prouder. This will be a team to watch for years to come.

    THE CHAMPS….

    When the dust settled we had 3 teams that separated themselves from the pack. In a photo finish Tanked and Grundy retained the SV500 title narrowly escaping the youthful legs of Pope and Paradiddle. Leading the youth division (under 18) Redfish/Coyote with an impressive 500 points. The future is bright for these 2.0 studs.

    Tanked Up/ Grundy 435
    Incredibly impressive, especially with the tweaks Goose built this year. Station 19 and 20 Doras were both physically and psychologically punishing. Tclaps to the gentlemen for continuing to rep the Northshore. See you next year!!!

    After copious amounts of water/ Gatorade and shaking off heat stroke symptoms we wrapped up with COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.

    Coffeeteria with donuts provided by St. Vincent pharmacy staff and volunteers.
    I will pass along the gratitude from the entire St. Vincent pharmacy staff and board in thanking everyone involved in this event and fundraising endeavor. It’s been 2 years since we started discussing ways to help with the pharmacy after the devastation of Hurricane Ida and continued strain from the pandemic and I could have never imagined this level of support from F3 and the community. I’m proud to announce that with our contributions this year ($9517.50) we have raised over $20, 000 in the last 2 years for the pharmacy to continue to provide for people in need of life-saving medications. Looking forward to continuing to find ways to support this great organization.

    Epilogue

    THE FAITH THANG

    The heaping trash continued to tumble out of the micro trash bag and the tension was palpable. No one had seen this much garbage since the Naboo storyline in Episode 1 (RIP Jar Jar). Soon the sheer amount of plastic would overtake our oxygen supply. YHC was grasping at straws. We had to keep our composure. Cardinal was even running diversion tactics by introducing new schisms to the pax. “Hey you guys know how pirogue is pronounced??”
    And just when we had reached our darkest hour there came the return of the silent sedan over the hill like Gandalf into Helms deep. In place of a blazing white staff he proceeded to unveil the largest trash bag ever created on planet earth. We placed the entire events trash inside and it still looked empty. What and why this unit of plastic could be used for, other than oceans of trash, is beyond me. When Jeaux was pressed about it he only mumbled something about his affairs in international waters not being my business. He silently went on about his duty of peddling event t-shirts and correcting form. Not all heroes bring hefty’s.

    So here’s the very thing about the men of F3 Thibodaux. Ask them to grab a trash bag and they bring you TrashZilla Rex, the king of all trash. Need a JUMBolaya pot? Here’s one you can swim in! Need 1-2 ice chests? Ho Hum, here’s 5 Yetis all 30A approved. Ask them to do burpees, why not Kraken Burpees on emom timer. Ask them for stretching and you get a Diddle death march.

    And how about ask them to support a charity pharmacy in 115 heat indices with a back-to-back 2 day event?? One that has been there for so many in need for 2 decades and needed that same support. Well, you already know how that ends. The chips are low, a wolf at the door or a man alone in the darkness and these pax will stand up and serve those less fortunate. I could not be prouder to stand beside them.

    SYITG,

    Paradox

  • In Pursuit of Trivialities – from Goose

    YHC was excited about this one–it would be an opportunity to break out one of the best board games ever created, one that combines chance with constantly new challenges. Combining Trivial Pursuit with F3 seemed like a match made in heaven. And, with recent experiences of PAX coming through in superhuman ways any time trivia has been present at a beatdown, YHC knew he could bring the heavy.

    16 strong at The Peltch showed that the crew had caught the excitement; either that, or the high quality GroupMe banter has forged bonds and created some useful FOMO in the hearts of many men. It was great to see Royal Deuce at his first major league beatdown, and the return of G.I. Joe for the third Saturday in a row boosted the morale considerably. Oh, and Yeah-Yeah came with Popeye for the first time since his full-on return, which was a great boost for the 2.0’s. Looking forward to getting to see him grow out there!

    Warmups of the usuals with some extra emphasis on the lower back followed by a mosey to the Thunderdome with the mystery box hidden in a bag for a last moment reveal. Upon arrival YHC unveiled a more modern version of Trivial Pursuit with cards split into colors/categories with questions on each ranging in difficulty from 1-6 depending on the dice roll. YHC also had a list of exercises to match each category in the case of a wrong answer. Another dice roll determined which exercise was chosen.

    The first couple of questions were mowed down easily, and Yankee Joe showed that he’d be a force to be reckoned with today and possibly in some future, post-kids’-bedtime game night. (He’s on my team. I called it.) But, alas, the typical “I said the right answer but I wasn’t sure enough of myself to push the team captain to go with it” dynamic struck, and we lined up for a Bataan Death Crawl, one of the History category exercises. It consisted of the PAX splitting into two lines, Indian Run style, to bear crawl from the Thunderdome to the opposite, third base-line foul pole in the neighboring ballfield and back. The last guy in line did 5 burpees before running to the front of the crawling line. The total distance was about 100 yards. Nice opener. The mood had changed considerably–wrong answers were clearly to be avoided with all seriousness.

    The next series of questions revealed the prowess of G.I. Joe, whose Quiz Bowl champ son had clearly exercised his Trivial Pursuit training upon his father. He came in strong with some logical deduction revealing what all Trivial Pursuit veterans know–the answer is usual revealed in some form in the way they ask the question. Cardinal picked up on this, too, which was to be expected.

    After Royal Deuce saved the PAX with some deep Simpsons knowledge, it was back to the list in the Science and Nature category. A minute and a half Mission Impossible plank in the grass would give us the opportunity to do make some up-close observations of what has recently become a very scary place. For some, it provided a chance to work through some PTSD. For others, it only added fuel to the growing menace. The time was shortened to a minute to save the morale and the fragile mental state of a number of the PAX.

    If YHC’s memory serves him, the streaks of correct answers grew shorter and shorter as time went on, and periods of muscle burnout, sweat, and trash talking grew more frequent. Here are some of the more notable penalty exercises:

    -Field of Dreams (Art and Literature–it was a movie based on the book, “Shoeless Joe”): PAX split into four groups on the baseball field, one group at each base and completed the following exercises AMRAP as they waited for the group at home to complete 15 burpees so they could be relieved and run (for some) to the next base. 1st base: squats. 2nd: merkins. 3rd: LBC’s. 15 burpees is tough, especially after AMRAP merkins, and they take a while. And, thankfully, the Form Police isn’t authorized to give fines; though, that could have been a great way to cover some of the SV500 costs…and pay for next year’s event in full…and purchase an F3 trailer.

    -Geography: Around the World lunges–lunges forward R, L, left side, back L, R, right side = 1. We did 10 of these in cadence, speeding up as we went. It was fun. And, that was the only one we had to do for Geography. Nice work, fellas.

    -We did none of the awesome exercises on the Entertainment list, which means all pink questions were answered correctly. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or depressed.

    -History didn’t get landed on too much, so the Bataan Death Crawl was the only representative.

    -Arts and Literature–there were a few close calls, but Field of Dreams was the only one from this list, too. Surprising, and impressive, especially given the large amount of purple cards drawn.

    -The Science and Nature category required two penalty exercises–the aforementioned observation plank and the Failure to Launch, Blastoff jump squats. YHC counted down from ten as we slowly lowered into a very low squat before jumping up. Did 10 of these.

    -It was the Sports and Leisure category that suprisingly destroyed this crew. Not long after the death crawl, we rolled the Bear Crawl Brawl in which partners pushed against the shoulders of one another to provide resistance as they bear crawled from first base to the opposite outfield pole (about 30-40 yards), flapjacked and returned.
    We also did Bobby Hurleys (30 IC, 2:1), Nolan Ryans (15 IC on each side), and Apolo Ono’s (30 IC, 2:1).

    The hour ended too quickly, but had some fun, worked the ol’ noodle, took some chances, and burned some muscles before heading back to the flag for count off and COT. Animal shirt went to Cardinal for navigating/instigating the “HC” battle on GroupMe, and then lots of strong prayer intentions for F3 brothers in need before a hand-gesture-filled photo shoot. (Oh, and Coyote made the formerly agreed upon transfer of the SV500 trophy to his teammate Redfish for admiration and safe keeping until next they meet.)

    Thanks for playing along, fellas! It was fun to see how each guy’s brain works under stress and what kind of knowledge is stored in which guys’ heads. Till next time!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Chlorophyll? More Like Borophyll. – from Paradiddle

    Coming off of a week long hiatus, YHC was excited to be back for a beat down. Not knowing where to turn, but knowing that the SV 500 lay around the corner, YHC consulted with none other than Goose to try and collect some intel on the possible beatdown. YHC was determined to try to prepare the PAX for lay ahead. After turning to the exicon for some inspiration, none other than a childhood favorite of Billy Madison would be the source of inspiration for the punishment that lay ahead.

    YHC was coming in hot this morning from Houma, and he arrived with only a few minutes to spare. The PAX were already assembled upon his arrival. Mumble chatter was low, and as YHC approached, silence fell over the men. DJ DOX would be needed for his duties this morning. Yankee Joe was quick to offer BAPS as the source of sound, even though YHC offered Burrito Supreme who was nestled in the truck. Let a man do his thing. BAPS to the rescue, and rescue us he would. But wait…who is that?! Out of the gloom came G.I. Joe – a legend of sorts in these swamps.

    We began the warmup with the usual SSH, grass grabbers w a clap, windmills, circles, cherry pickers, high knees, and mountain climbers.

    The pax would then mosey with a coupon to the breezeway at E.D. White, where the thang would be explained.

    The Thang
    Taking the advice of Goose (one hour, no breaks), YHC explained the Billy Madison.

    We would work our way through each of the numbered school grades, only to then have to repeat them as Billy does (to prove to his dad he’s not a fool). Each grade would have 12 reps of one exercise, followed by a run to St. Joseph Elementary and back to the breezeway at ED White. Once back to the breezeway, you would repeat all the previous grades, making your way all the way to 12th grade. (1st grade, 1st + 2nd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd + 4th grade, etc.)

    So the grades would go:
    1st – Burpees
    2nd – Bonnie Blairs
    3rd – Declined Merkins
    4th – Grainers
    5th – Kettle bell swings
    6th – Thrusters (do it for Tap)
    7th – goblet squats
    8th – Peter Parkers
    9th – OH Press
    10th – Russian Twists w/ coupon
    11th – Hernia (V-Ups w/ coupon)
    12th – Dips

    The Pax soon discovered that the run to St. Joseph would be their reprieve, a chance to catch your breathe, swallow the puke, and try and salivate to keep from dry heaving (please tell me it wasn’t only me). With a strong start, everyone stayed together through third grade. Coyote set the pace for the 2.0’s, with Pope offering insight into his actual schedule for his upcoming school year. Lil Cuz, YJ, and America’s Best led helped to set the pace for the majority of the pax with a strong and consistent showing. YHC was terrified of the first impression he was leaving on Safety Valve. Smooth, as always, kept the run fun with the boys. YHC is sure that the convo shared between Dox and Gecko is one in reference to “that man”. Goose helped YHC set the pace, but in reality YHC was fighting to keep up through those coupon swings. A high school inspired playlist from some of the pax helped us along, and we needed all the help we could get. Imagine not having MMMBOP to get us through the sixth round of burpees?

    The Pax would make it halfway through 7th grade before time would force us to call it quits. A slow, silent mosey back to the flag and YHC desperately just wanted a cooldown walk. But the PAX pushed back and asked for three minutes of Mary. Freddie Merc’s, flutters, and ABC… (just three letters). The counting of this morning is all the evidence one would need to prove that the PAX desperately needed to repeat their grade. Now the only thing to do is make through the remaining grades at an undetermined date in the future.

    An impressive showing of 16 men this morning who came out, showed up, and put up with the shenanigans of a Saturdiddle. Til next time… or til next Saturday when we kinda have to do something similar again…but at least there will be breakfast.

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle

  • Legends Never Die – from Yankee Joe

    “Gramps, tell us a story.”

    “Girls, it’s time for bed, but alright, one quick story.”

    “Yay! Tell us the one about the great race!”

    “The great race? Which one was that?”

    “You know…the one about Mother Goose and some guy Tapping a Wet Pope. You know, when you let them win.”

    “Ahhh yes. The St. Vincent of Catan race of 2023. When America’s Best and I bestowed magnanimous mercy upon Goose, Wet Tap and Pope as they neared the finish line.

    “That’s it! Wasn’t there also something about you and Captain America being betrayed by Superman and a three-star restaurant rating system?”

    “Hahaha…good memory. Yes, Superfun(d) and Michelin, having just received a gracious and merciful gift from me and America’s Best, then promptly turned around and hit us with a heat seeking red turtle shell…10 yards from the finish line! You know, those were strange days. That race would prove to be the spark that finally ignited the F3 Thibodaux coup led by Paradox. It ultimately led to the secession from F3 New Orleans. Strange times indeed.”

    “Wasn’t there also some Viking at an ‘all you can eat’ buffet that missed exercising because they were always pickling their balls?”

    “Ummm…no. Ohhh…yes…Picadilly and Montana! They did not miss all the time because of pickleball…well not Picadilly anyway. Kids, do me a favor and don’t use that word order in front of your parents. Anyway, back to the race…try to imagine this…

    —————————
    Chapter 1: The Beginning

    It was a bright and humid Saturday morning. Your Gramps had been up all night trying to craft the perfect beatdown. With the approach of our second St. Vincent de Paul 500 race, it was time that the PAX get serious about being in shape. We were all soft. Even Mother Goose. It was clear we needed some competition, individual suffering, and opportunities to both hurt and help our fellow PAX.

    I looked everywhere for inspiration. Nothing. Then it hit me. I’d look at the absolute monarchical dictatorships in history…surely, there would be something I could use. And wouldn’t you know it? Germany and Japan both delivered with The Settlers of Catan and Mario Kart respectively. Who woulda thunk it. ‘Merica!

    “Gramps, what does ‘Merica mean?”

    “It means mud tires, aluminum cans, and freedom. Now shut yer mouths.”

    ———————–
    Chapter 2: The Gloom

    As we were gathering, Paradox brought an FNG who would later be dubbed Safety Valve. Goose’s fourth 2.0 to make an F3 appearance settled on Duke, and Paradox’s own 2.0 walked away with Gecko. Strong names. The PAX continues to grow. See coup reference above. Most impressive was the fact we had SEVEN 2.0’s!

    Perhaps, just as exciting was the late arrival of Frank n’ Beans and then as if from Goose’s lips to God’s ears, who should pull into the parking lot in the silver bullet? No, it can’t be. Can it? HORRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN! 78 fart sacks later and he made sure to show up 5 minutes late. Hey, you gotta stay on brand.

    Quick and tentative disclaimer by yours truly for the pledges and away we went.

    We finished the usual Waramarama reps, chose partners, and moseyed to the main Peltch field. As we moseyed, YHC took a detour so that the PAX could be inspired by Gwen Stefani’s epic ballad, Hollaback Girl. It was a song that got dropped from a previous beatdown…to Honeysuckle and America’s Best great disappointment I might add. However, YHC was always a gracious and selfless Q, so, you’re welcome.

    We then switched over to bagpipes blaring with ‘Scotland the Brave’, made a few pointless detours in the rec center parking lot – to ruffle some Goose feathers – and made our way to the shart show.

    At this point, Safety Valve was looking at Paradox and asking himself, “I didn’t trust this loon when he was my cadaver instructor, so why the heck did I get in the car with him this morning?”

    “Gramps…what’s a shart?”

    “Well kids, when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object…”

    [from the next room] “DAD!!!! DON’T YOU DARE!”

    “Sorry, Honey. Sheesh. That explanation would have been celebrated in certain men’s workout circles. Annnyway…

    ———————
    Chapter 3: The Setup

    “There would be 10 stations, each station with two types of exercises to be completed by both partners. In order to “buy in” to the exercises at each station, partner 1 had to lunge walk with a coupon while the other partner spiderman crawled (dubbed that day as the ‘leopard gecko crawl’) to the next station. Then one partner would nur (run backward) to the starting line and sprint back to whichever station the team was on, while the other partner completed 15 burpees. ONLY THEN, could the team begin their two exercises (not naming namesl , typically in quantities of 100 or 50. Repeato for 10 stations, 10 yards apart for a total of 100 yards.

    ***If completed in its entirety, a team would complete 150 burpess, one mile of nurs/sprints, and 1,700 reps of various exercises.***

    To make things interesting, each team had one “sucks to be you” card that would be revealed at a station. This meant that after the team had completed their exercises, they would have to complete a designated additional amount of reps.

    Also, each team held a heat seeking shell that could be deployed against any other team. When called out, the team getting hit by the shell had to drop everything and sprint to and from the nearest park bathroom…roughly 200 yards.

    To balance this out, each team also had an IM3 card that could be deployed to help another team out by taking away one station “buy ins” of nur, sprint and burpees.

    Finally, the Q had wildcards called “Dancemodes” that would be yelled out to one PAX member who in turn had to stop and dance to the existing music. The music. Ah yes. Some of the music was good. Some of it was well…atrocious. Effective though. Ace of Base ‘I Saw the Sign’ will take your mind off thrusters in a heartbeat. Actually, most would prefer the thrusters.

    ————————
    Chapter 4: The Contest

    “The race started off in good form with all teams keeping pace through three stations. The exception was Coyote who continued to live as an outlaw from the Form Police, while racking up Academy Awards for his uncannily well timed trash talking to grown men in the last throes of burpee death. Goose, Pope and Wet Tap began to pull away if only by a few yards. There seemed to be misplaced exercise cards, but we overlooked their indiscretion since Goose was still nursing a banged up wing and Wet Tap was wearing a weighted vest. Nuff said.

    The first Dancemode came with the last minute addition of the 2023 Barbie song by Nikki Minaj. When YHC heard that Horn was watching the cinematic masterpiece the night before, the song was hastily added to the playlist. Horn would not disappoint. The entire PAX sat in amazement as he reminded us that though he may have the pop culture knowledge of a 50 year old, he was indeed a Gen Z’er.

    Meanwhile, heat seeking shells were being tossed around liberally. Coyote’s trash talk was intensifying, and YHC was getting grumpy with Goose & Co.’s interpretation of the race regulations. You gotta watch Pope, boi. He’ll fire off 15 burpees quicker than you can say, “I’m 45 years old…why am I here?”

    The second Dancemode was equally inspiring. With Friday Night Lights pregame speeches rejuvenating our spirits, Goose brought the Peltch down to ‘Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can’t Lose’…from the shopping cart to the sprinkler to the Dougie. Or maybe he was popping. No, he was definitely locking. Whatever he was doing, two things were clear. 1) There’s such a thing as being cool and 2) it ain’t me.

    Some IM3’s began to emerge, first from the Goose/Wet Tap/Pope team to the Paradox/Safety Valve/Gecko group. Then reciprocated – albeit shamefully. Here, I realized that a NASCAR strategy had unfolded and we had a team car mucking up the pack so that the lead car could pull away. As YHC was swatting away this conspiracy theory, Goose hit the Yankee/America’s Best Team with a heat seeker.

    Conspiracy confirmed. Hell hath no fury like that of a Yankee scorned.

    On the far side of the pitch, Popeye and Honeysuckle were methodically keeping pace with the Goslings. They didn’t even seem to be breathing hard…like they were at a nice picnic doing merkins occasionally, while enjoying mimosas, crackers, and pepper jelly.

    To that end, the third Dancemode was probably the best thing to ever hit the Peltch. YHC called on Honeysuckle, and my man, with a smile on his face (I’m scared of his eventual VQ), dropped it like it’s hot. He would have kept going, if for nothing else but to give the PAX a rest. A good man.

    ————————

    “Gramps, were you a good dancer?”

    “Well, put it this way. The great Bill Belichick once said, ‘I don’t think you can ever really trust a man who likes to dance.’ Of course, this was coming from a hall of famer legend worth millions and yet he still felt wearing sweatshirts with cut off sleeves was a good look on game day.”

    “Soooo…does that mean you weren’t a good dancer, Gramps?”

    “Noooo…what I’m saying is that you can’t really trust me.”

    ———————-

    Chapter 5: The Betrayal

    “At this point, all teams were within four stations of the finish line. In YHC and America’s Best unending and selfless charity, we bestowed an IM3 upon Superfun(d) and Michelin. We knew they would be forever grateful. That is, until a few minutes later when they blew us to hell with a heat seeker. I laughed at first. It wasn’t a joke. A scorned Yankee, I tell you.

    As YHC was running back to Station 9 from the unforgivable treachery, I realized there were 90 seconds left in the beatdown. As I neared Goosilini and his fascist conspirators, I asked if they could cross the finish line before time ran out. The answer was a resounding YES. I then reminded them our team was sitting on a heat seeker, which would prevent them from finishing…that is, prevent them from winning. Goose protested with exasperation. We held their fate in our hands.

    ———————-

    “Oh my gosh! What did you all do, Gramps? That must have been such a difficult decision.”

    “Well, you would think so, but no. We kept the shell in its bay and let the clock run out. That day, YHC and America’s Best chose to give life, not take it away. Such is the path of heroes. This is the way.

    We then moseyed back to the flag, soaking in Gwen and Nikki. FNGs were named, prayers were raised up, especially for smooth and his family, and French Horn prayed us out.

    ———————

    Epilogue

    “So, there you go girls. That was the infamous day. The day the good music died. The day that Paradox turned the corner on spreading his wings to fly as a member of the senior leadership team.

    It was a hard and brutal affair. The men persevered without (much) complaining or double crossing allies.

    “What an amazing story! Gramps, were you a hero?”

    “No, sweetheart, but I served with a whole PAX of heroes.

    (Record abruptly stops)

    “Wait….that’s Band of Brothers”

    (Start soundtrack again)

    “Gramps, what happened to Goose? What about the rest of the Pax?”

    “It was weird that Goose had said F3 was like the John Paul II of workouts and his oldest son’s name ended up being John Paul. None of us could ever figure out what that meant, but we were all amazed by it.

    I kept in touch with those guys over the years and I found out that Enron’s company had shipped him off to federal prison. After that, he became one of the pioneering developers of fraud protection software . Of course, we all know why.

    French Horn… well…The Horn got really into fartsacking and no one ever saw him again. Honeysuckle and America’s Best became an engineer and optometrist. They started out small, carpooling together to F3 workouts. But they became legends when they invented the F3 shuttle service.

    Goose grew up and married Wendy Peffercorn. They have 9 kids. They bought St. Vincent’s de Paul’s Drug Store and they still own it to this day. Paradox Porter became a professional DJ. You know him as “The Great BAPSbino”.

    Montana played Triple A pickleball, but he never got to the majors. He’s a drug dealer now and he coaches a seniors pickleball team called, “The Tanimals”.

    Yankee’s Prius lived to be 25 years old… uh, in douche wagon years. I was the last one to move away. But when I did, the Peltch was still there. After Goose pickled Tana that day, his reputation spread all over town. From then on, he was known as “Dolly Poppins,” and the nickname stuck with him for the rest of his life.”

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ———————
    Station 10:
    100 groiners, coup run back to base
    100 squat jumps, nur
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 9:
    P1: 50 coupon side to sides
    P2: 100 plank jacks
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Stations 8:
    P1: 50 apollo ono’s 2:1
    P2: 100 coupon flutters 2:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 7:
    P1: 50 gas pumps
    P2: 100 coupon presses
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 6:
    P1: 100 merkins
    P2: 100 coupon leg lifts
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 5:
    P1: 50 goblet squats
    P2: 100 freddy mercs 2:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 4:
    P1: 50 thrusters
    P2: 100 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 3:
    P1: 100 coupon overhead presses
    P2: 100 SSHs (a type of exercise)
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 2:
    P1: 100 coupon curls
    P2: 50 V-ups
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

    Station 1:
    P1: 100 plank jacks
    P2: 100 coupon LBC’s
    Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
    Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk

  • 80 Miles to Sante Fe – from Paradox

    What comes to mind when you think of the absolute cutting edge of human performance? Ultra marathons, Saturdiddles, special ops training, Cardinal crab walking … I’m talking the outer limits of human capabilities here. Well men I have a new challenging feat of strength to add to this pantheon of greatness. A rigorous 5 day crucible that tests the mind, body, spirit, and even Rouses endless supply of 100% juice capri suns.

    Some only live through it to tell the tale…
    That’s how I found myself shoulder to shoulder with Econoline this week at 8:15am on a casual Tuesday in the Chackbay Catholic center, awaiting our first rotation of children.
    There we stood at the game station like 2 young hobbits awaiting 10,000 orcs at Helms deep. (Jk jk your children are all angels )
    It was about to begin…
    The great battle of our time..
    Being group leaders at…
    VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL

    Duke put down that snack pack and roll the footage . It’s VBS week!

    Warmup
    The usuals with spikes of chatter with Tanas gigi arrival and Gooses wearing a crosscut necklace of cloth but mostly silent focus on preserving precious oxygen with furtive glances at YHCs entire cone collection in the big field being guarded by BAPs. Sooooon….

    To kickoff the shenanigans YHC explained the similarities between VBS stations and F3 and that we would train as group leaders today to get a taste of the action.

    Opening ceremony

    Needs to be high energy , get the blood pumping but also you need to run full speed backwards because you forgot your 2.0 shoes and he has not a care in the world of being barefoot in public.

    Indian run around the big loop with Nur to the front to take us to the Chimney.

    Game Station #1
    Hula Hoop Relay race

    Break into 3 teams
    1 team mate does hula hop to and around cone
    Rest of Team does 4 merkins, 4 sqats , 4 SSH , 4 BBSU (4x4x4x4 (tM)
    Until all complete and must slide the hula hoop down the line.
    Enron clearly ignored the PDF and instructional video YHC sent him about the 4x4x4x4 and he still had questions. Ya hate to see that from the self proclaimed smartest man in the room.
    In the end Team Goose took the title and gifted the losers with 25 monkey humpers, in an unrelated note we now cannot go within 100 feet of the St Joe carpool pickup line.

    To the tennis court

    Every great VBS must have catchy songs that get implanted into your brain and this week we talked with the kids a lot about listening to God for your call…

    Music Station #1
    “Call me maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
    1 Merkin on “maybe” and “baby “
    Holding plank in a circle of pax and Pass the Hula Hoop with hands and feet.
    if it’s on you during call me maybe then you do 3 merkins.
    The pax got pretty good at passing that hula at lightning speed and WetTap has even adopted this as his on call theme song.

    Arts and Crafts Station #1

    Another vital part of VBS is a crafting station and no craft session is complete without rock paper and scissors. Pax paired up for escalating rounds of Rochamburpee with 2 more burpees for the loser each round till we reached 12. Not sure how everyone faired here but it seemed like burpees were enjoyed by all.

    Mosey to the Thunder dome

    Music Station #2
    Over the past 2 years selecting “F3 songs” has become a cherished pastime at YHCs house. There’s no definitive criteria but you know a really good one when you hear it. YHC recently stumbled upon the #SWT (Ronnie would later figure out this was Songs With Triggers) channel of f3 slack and uncovered an absolute gem.
    I needed a song to represent this weeks teaching of finding a quiet place to pray and it just so happened that Dean Summerwind had provided directions to a quiet lake where we could park just 80 miles from Santa Fe.

    “Parked by the Lake “
    Dean Summerwind
    Hold Al Gore with
    Bonnie Blair’s on “Parked”
    Tin Soldiers on “Santa Fe”
    Squats on “Lake”

    I hope it met Popeyes high expectations. It will be added to my F3 Song Hall of Fame as Diddle proclaimed it both right and just.

    Game Station #2
    Duck- Duck Goose
    Pax plank up in a circle facing outward. One pax selects a “Goose” by running around and tapping them on the head while the pax knock out plank related exercises (Merkin, plank jacks, MCs)
    The real honker himself got us started and we had Some close battles here with the Dawson 2.0s showing some serious evasive maneuvers.

    Arts and craft Station #2
    – color our ABCs
    PAX on our six with legs up to spell out VACATION BIBLE SCHOOOL (those Os are just too fun)

    Mosey to big field and as we turned the corner BAPS was seen and one pax yelled “is Jeaux here?”
    A simple question but it nearly derailed me as I couldn’t shake the image of YJ crouched in his van with binoculars and 1980s spy equipment writing down notes and mumbling “I knew it” .
    I composed myself and we arrived safely at the Grand Finale.

    Every VBS ends with a grand finale Friday where you showcase everything you learned through the week. So YHC unveiled the ultimate VBS obstacle course
    We split into two teams started some SSH and each team let one pax into the race at a time until they got to the minefield.
    BAPS provided “the final countdown” and We raced through..

    1. Dizzy bat
    2. Lunges
    3. Merkin minefield with CrawlBears (5 merkins if you knock down a cone)
    4. Broad jump burpees
    5. Suicide Trifecta (Nur, Run, Carioca)
    We grabbed our ever growing pile of gear and moseyed back to the flag for people’s choice Mary to represent your kids showing you all the stuff they learned during the week.
    Dr Ws, Penguins, Fred Merk, fire hydrants , WW1 sit-ups with Yote till the buzzer.

    Count o Rama, NamoRama
    GiGi found a new home with Ronnie and the Animal went back to the Goose nest with concerns that Crosscut was on his last microfiber.

    COT with continued prayers for the St Pierre family
    Goose prayed us out

    NMM

    YHC has a special place in his heart for VBS. Growing up it was always the mark of deep summer and where the seeds of my faith were first planted. (It’s where I picked up a love for relay races and obstacle courses!)
    It’s also a great reminder to me to search for simple yet profound truths and to strive for a childlike faith. Grateful for the men of F3 as we help each other walk a straighter path.

    PPS (Pickleteria PostScript) sponsored by Joola

    Following the beatdown several Pax gathered at the thunderDome for the first ever Pickleteria . Tana and Dilly graciously provided the pickleGear and all the fixings for Americas fastest growing game. In a thrilling opening match Team Dawson narrowly took down Threat Level Midnight 11-2. Acting manager of TLM Ronnie Lillich was optimistic for the teams growth during the post match interview: “Dox has a floppy wrist, plain and simple,I was carrying him. His mind was boggled about the kitchen and he lost his composure”. Sounds like TLM is going through a “rebuilding year” but a lot of league experts say Dox had a dollar store paddle. Ya hate to pickle with that.
    Well , It’s safe to say that the pickle fever has spread rapidly and the only question left is ..same time next week?

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Ride the Horse (even if you’re doing it wrong) – from Paradiddle

    YHC has been tempted recently to move on from his usual loosely Ted Lasso themed beat downs, but the PAX have seemed to enjoy not knowing what will come from the mustached man – smiles, positive vibes, 50 too many burpees married to nonstop cardio? What could be in store for this beatdown…

    YHC arrived early (a rare sight) to find Sooth’s empty truck in the shell lot. After looking for Smooth for a few, YHC had some intel to gather. YHC mosey’d to ED White’s football stadium to get a good grasp on the scale of the field – he’d need to retreat one since the turf is still being replaced. Returning to the lot, YHC found some of the pax had begun to arrive – Enron, Lox, Smooth, Lil Cuz w/ 2.0. Conversation started as YHC had brought the newest FNG this morning – a prime day special that has expanded our JBL fam. With Dox’s arrival came cones, and with the help of Lox a makeshift 100 yd football field was created.

    Mumble chatter was strong and we began the usual warmups accompanied with the regular “How does this count off go again?” Debates were held about whether it’s “starting position” or “ready position” – some claiming to have done their F3 online research. SSH, Imperial Walkers, grass grabbers w the infamous clap, arm circles, cherry pickers, and mountain climbers.

    YHC introduced the legend of Leeroy Jenkins – a gamer who in 2005 singlehandedly caused the implosion of a well thought out WoW raid. Yelling Leeroy’s name today would earn the pax a 100yd sprint and 5 burpees. Every man could call upon Leeroy once in the beatdown if he so wished.

    We grabbed coupons and mosey’d to the field with Chicago serenading us and “Saturday in the Park” filling the air through the newest JBL member.

    YHC wasn’t finished explaining thang 1 before Coyote yelled the first Leeroy. The pax sprinted the length of the field and finished the burpees. We had to get back to our starting position, so it was an additional 100yd sprint back. It was immediately apparent that Leeroy might have been a mistake, as YHC had promised the pax a beatdown without much running. (I’ll admit – Leeroy was a last minute addition)

    _____

    Thang One
    Hindenburg
    An exercise on each of the four corners of the field, sprinting one corner to the next. YHC had five rounds planned, but in a last minute audible, reduced it to three.
    Round One – 5 Burps
    Some lovely soul called a Leeroy
    Round Two – 20 LBC’s
    Round Three – 30 Plank Jax
    Pax completed the Hindenburg with ease, but mumble chatter was filling the air and it was apparent that resentment towards YHC for the amount of running was on the rise. Before thang two, an additional Leeroy was called. Already up to three. Insanity. The pax was willingly engaging in MORE running and blaming YHC.

    _____

    Thang Two
    Death of the Merkin’
    This is a Diddle Original.
    You see, after Cardinal’s brutal Millennial on Thursday, Lox expressed his desire to expand his chest and his capacity for merkin’s, thus we would work on our merkins.

    We’d perform Manmaker Merkin’s (according to the Lexicon, but debated in name by Goose) – High plank with coupon (cinders are great) laying to your right side. Perform a Merkin. Reach under your body with your left hand and drag the coupon to the opposite side of your body.

    5 Manmaker Merkins on each 10 yd line, then a lunge walk with coupon to the next yd line, all the way to the 50. 25 in total, 50 yds coupon lunge in total. Pax pushed through, admittedly some pax tossing their coupons under their body with sheer frustration (downright impressive). Econoline pushed through and finished strong, not giving in to the temptation to walk instead of lunge (Hell yeah – you’d earn the animal shirt, I believe, because of your sheer will power in these moments – props)

    Pt. 2 of Death of the Merkin
    Pump Jack
    A partner pushup competition til failure – one partner performing 5 pushups while the other holds high plank and “coaches” the other. Upon failure, lunge walk around other pairs and coach them encouragingly until they reach failure.
    Pax performed these in cadence with YHC leading the count. No idea what we ended up getting to, but it was a higher number than YHC anticipated. Majority of the pax stayed in the fight all together the whole time. Props to Lil Cuz, the only person I could see (and partner), as he fought through the craziest case of arm trembles I’ve ever seen. The man didn’t stop, didn’t make a sound – WHAT! I believe someone called Leeroy here. What a move.

    It was here that my extremely loose theme came into play as Smooth asked if I had any Ted inspiration to bestow on the pax – I did! YHC had practiced for this moment, and yet still couldn’t remember it. Out came the trusty iPhone – “Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, if you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong”. – Ted to Beard

    Thang Three
    Plank Hurdles
    This was YHC’s version of “fun” for the morning. A three team relay with the team starting in plank in the end zone, partner one runs to the 10 and planks, partner two emerges from plank and hurdles over partner 1 (like a gazelle) and planks up on the 20, partner three over partner one and two and lands on the 30…etc until everyone ends in the opposite end zone. This proved to be fun and challenging, with certain pax taking liberties with their form as it quickly became competitive. Gazelle award goes to America’s Best, with the best most consistent form in hurdles AND lunges.
    Somewhere here Leeroy Jenkins was called. We were dead, but we ran it.
    After Leeroy, we returned for a second face-off of plank hurdles. Thank you Linkin Park for accurately describing our feelings as we planked up again.

    Following was one of the slowest mosey’s with coupons back to the shovel and flag. I’ve never seen the pax move that slow – I’ve never seen myself move that slow. I couldn’t make the legs move any faster.

    Pax circled up around the flag, exhausted, moist (so so so moist), and ready for shade that was nowhere to be found. COT and prayer led by Goose.

    Men, great work. This pax has not stopped pushing. We are growing. And for some reason, you chose the Diddle Death March (disguised as Leeroy Jenkins) all on your own on this lovely Saturdiddle (props to Dox to coining the phrase).

    Til the next time,

    SYITG.
    Paradiddle

  • Base-human-ball-man Game – from Goose

    YHC was feeling a little bit in a rut trying to come up with new ideas for the Peltch, but after some late night brainstorming, it seemed a good time for a couple of risky ideas.
    First, the warmups–usual suspects with unusually low mumblechatter, though YHC has noticed that it may be a trend on mornings where he’s Q-ing. It’s an interesting psychological phenomenon–not sure if it’s coming from dread, high count volume expectations, or short shorts and white thighs. Thankfully, Yankee and Dox were happy to intentionally inject some wittiness to wake things up a bit.

    We then grabbed coupons (most of us) and lined up for an Indian run to the Thunderdome. Sprinting to the front of the line with an awkward coupon seemed a unique challenge–the first of the day.

    Once under the dome of thunder, YHC paired with JBL and introduced a song off the first CD ever purchased for my first CD capable jambox back in ’96. Coupons were laid long-ways on the ground, and we would do Dox’s jump-switch-touch things for the duration, a two-footed hop over the coupon on every “on my way” and a genuflection for every “momabadeesay-moobadeeyah”. The song, “Send Me on My Way” is over four minutes long, which felt a little undoable with these exercises, so YHC offered to shave a minute off if anyone could guess the artist. YJ came through (like we all knew he would) with Rusted Root, and it was three and a half minutes of leg torture. YHC was grateful we did this first while we still had energy.

    Next, we hauled the coupons to the area next to the running track over by the cornhole set. YHC was looking for a partner exercise where the partners would compete so as to push the performance a bit. So, we settled on having one partner run the loop (1/2 mile) while partner two tried to complete 100 tricep curls/presses before they got back. Loser did 15 man-makers and winner did 15 big boy situps. A couple of interesting observations:
    1. 100 seemed like a lot on paper, but with the variety of runners/pressers, it was just right. And flippin’ hard.
    2. Pope is getting to be a bit ridiculous–he was ahead of Dilly by a good margin, and I found myself extremely grateful that he was in the first crew and I was in the second.
    3. Just about everyone split the difference on the man-makers with their partners. This is a good bunch of dudes.
    4. Running half a mile sucks worse than doing 100 tricep presses.

    After a 10-count or two, we headed over to the closest baseball field for the main event: base-man, or base-human, or baseball-man, or man-ball (should probably scratch that last one after YJ’s recently shared childhood baseball story). We dropped blocks at each base and then split into two teams. For the first inning, one player from Team 1 was the ball, and one player from team two was the base runner. The ball had to run to the center field fence before running back to try to get a runner out. Runners had to complete a coupon exercise before they could step on the bag and be safe. (Cardinal, you may want to read that last sentence a few more times.) Form also was important, and specific specs were given for each exercise. (Cardinal, you may want to read that last sentence a few more times.)
    YHC designed this game specifically with Cardinal in mind knowing that competition brings out the Red Hulk in him. He did not disappoint. YHC is tempted to include competitions in every Q just to see what a ripped Cardinal might look like, cuz that dude will push harder and do more reps than the rest of the group combined without even thinking about it if there’s something on the line.

    Team 1 (YHC’s team) seemed to be stacked with talent, and they made a solid showing at the top of the first inning only allowing one or two runs. Then, Team 1 became the base runners, and the momentum started to shift pretty dern quick. I don’t remember who got the first out, but Pope came through with a surprising double play, and to say we didn’t recover after that is an understatement. Next inning, Team 2 pretty much used the bases as a non-stop carousel despite some close calls and Cardinal questioning YHC’s identity as a member of a morally upright society and making a vague reference to YJ’s next visit to the Confessional. I think the final score was Team 2: something in the teens, Team 1: 1. Team 1 may have made a comeback, but time ran out, so we had to head back to the flag.

    We had just enough time for some slow, tortuous Mary that consisted of 6 in holds punctuated by occasional leg raises; high, slow flutter kicks; and Little Manny Crunches (hold for 3-count at the top).

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out due to some heavy stuff happening in the community (needed a heavy hitter on that prayer, for sure).

    It was an awesome morning, and YHC is grateful that you men showed up and played along.

    SYTIG,
    Goose