Tag: Hawgcycle

After 364 days, today is the day when the lies and deception end. Hawgcycle Craig Anthony Parten I has fooled F3NOLA for the last time. He has tricked everyone into believing that was running a 10K every day to raise money for the Special Olympics. He sits on a throne of deceit. This was never about charity. It was about feeding his ego at the expense of humiliating his lowly friend, YHC, Rev Sox (someone who never makes the accomplishments of others about himself).

Hawg knows the fragility of Rev Sox’s legs, shoulders, and his entire skinny frame. He knows Rev Sox would most certainly injury himself by running a 10K day after day, so to rub Rev Sox’s face in his success, Hawg planned to run a 10K every day in the 2021 calendar year. This way no one would ever see Rev Sox as the superior Pax member of F3 NOLA again.

Rev Sox assumed this attempt at spiteful humiliation would come to naught. Honestly, who can run a 10K every single day without taking a single day for rest or sickness? Who could accomplish such a feat in those ridiculous flip flops that he insists on wearing? Certainly not an old man from Arkansas whose beard was greying as a sign of his frail, elderly frame. Well, this old man ran day after day after day and soon it became apparent that he just might do the impossible and run a 10K every day in 2021.

Rev Sox would not allow this to happen. He first spent a 10K with Hobbs and Hawg listing all the various ways that Hawg could be forced out of this adventure. Maybe he would get the flu? Maybe he would be hit by a car? Maybe a rogue nutria would spring from the bushes in order to gnaw on his exposed toes? Rev Sox’s discouraging conversation was no deterrent to either dampen his spirits or to jinx his efforts of fortitude.

It was time for the physical sabotage to begin. On one normal run through Metairie when Hawg reciting the words to yet another book written by an ultra-marathon runner and distracted from what was before him, Rev Sox sprinted ahead, pulled up a piece of the sidewalk, causing Hawg to stub his big toe in dramatic fashion onto the sidewalk. As he ran, with blood dripping from his big toe and splattering on his leg, Rev Sox mocked him and then cajoled him to just quit. Hawg, as is his custom, persevered to the end.

A short time later, Rev Sox had the privilege of serving as the Q for Rock City. When he saw Hawg’s arrival to the city of rocks, he knew this was his chance. He positioned Hawg next to some debris following the hurricane during the Mumblechatter before the workout. At the beginning of the workout, instead of running to the rock pile, he led the pack in a warm-up at the flag where Hawg would be forced, with exposed feet, to in the dangerous trash piled up near the flag. This scheme was more successful than Rev Sox could have dreamed as Hawg developed a slight bruise on one toe, but Hawg turned this attack on his feet its by claiming that the bruise was an infection to thereby increase his street cred among the Pax.

Now Rev Sox knew he needed help to deter the Hawg, first he tracked down one of the police officers who patrols the Wally Run route early on Thursday mornings. Rev passed the officer a couple of twenties in payment for gently striking Hawg with his patrol vehicle during a run. The hope wasn’t to permanently injury Hawg but to simple break his hip and take him out of commission for 3 or 4 days. This backfired as the officer forgot who hired him and bumped into Rev Sox as he pulled onto the road while Hawg and Rev were running past. Hawg had the audacity to use his friend Rev Sox as a human shield, so he could finish his run.
Ok, one more try. Rev Sox schemed with the person Hawg would never expect to sabotage him on this journey. His wife. Rev Sox began a reading challenge against Hawg’s beloved. Who could read more books in 2021? The goal was to spur Hawg’s love reading, so he would forget to run just one day as he was devouring a thrilling read. Rev Sox and Mrs. Hawg went back and forth all year in their reading battle only for Rev Sox to be betrayed. Not only did Mrs. Hawg fail to convince her husband to skip a run to read a book, but she also humiliated Rev Sox by reading 82 books this year in comparison to his humble 79. Can’t win against the Partens.

This morning, December 30, 2021 at the Wally Run was his last chance. In run 264, Rev Sox did everything I could think to stop him. The night before, he snuck into Hawg’s house and unplugged his Garmin so it wouldn’t charge in hopes that Hawg would despair as he was unable to record his run. Rev Sox kept him talking so he would tire out faster and quit. Rev Sox started the run a faster speed so he would tire out faster and quit. Rev Sox ran the route backwards to confuse Hawg, so he would return at just under 6.2 miles. Rev Sox shoved Hawg off the sidewalk three or four times. Every attempt was a failure.

364 10ks in 364 days. Rev Sox could never do it. All those who are reading this, not named Hawgcycle Craig Anthony Parten I, you could never do it. But one man could. He overcame all the odds. He got up when he would have preferred to stay in bed. He went out late when it would have been easier to throw in the towel. So on the morning before the final run, I salute him and honor him for never doing the easy thing on a single day this year. And for never giving up no matter what stood before him.

2 Timothy 4:7-9 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; 8 in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing. 9 Make every effort to come to me soon;

Let’s make every effort to celebrate this feat of endurance at City Park on December 31st at 10:00am.

And tclaps to Tenderloin for his consistency since first coming to a beatdown and to Vagabond for running with that ruck on this morning. I am not sure how far he ran while wearing that pack, but I couldn’t do it.

– Rev Sox

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