F3 New Orleans

Tag: Hawgcycle

  • Time Killer with the River Stones – from Rudy

    10 PAX, including 1 FNG (welcome Slab!) and 1 Kotter (good to see you back, Spawning!), at the Mothership on a uncomfortably warm and humid December morning. YHC sporting Jesuit gear in hopes of inspiring any Jays in the crowd. But seems that the regular Jays crowd must be sleeping in to get ready for a big day of tailgating. But the PAX who were present were in for a good start to Championship Saturday.

    Mosey to the Great Lawn to get started. SHOOT. Didn’t take too long for YHC to get confused about the plan. Quick pivot – lets mosey over towards the Fountain for a quick warmup. SSH, IW, and some back stretches. Bat Wings – but much to FracSac’s dismay, YHC cut off before we got to the Dancing Night Clubs. We’ve got to get moving.

    Grab a Stone and head to the Great Lawn.

    The Thang: 12 step ladder. Starting at the path on one end, there are 11 trees down the lawn. Each round, we will add one more tree and exercise to the circuit. Carry the rock from tree to tree. Most exercises used the rock. But even if it didn’t, you were on the hook to haul it along.

    + At the sidewalk, start with 1 8-Count Body Builder (thanks Hawg, for the demonstration to our FNG. YHC forgot about that).
    + Add 2 Block Burpees at the first Tree.
    + Add 3 Thrusters at the next tree.
    + 4 Curl-Presses. YHC had a total brain fart on this. There was something planned for 4, but YHC could not remember. PAX held a plank for about a minute while YHC tried in vain to recall. War Eagle suggested Curl-Presses instead, so that works. These had been planned for 7, so this gave YHC a few more rounds to remember.
    + 5 Big Boy situps
    + 6 Squats
    + 7 Cross-over Merkins. THIS WAS WHAT SUPPOSED TO BE AT 4. YHC remembered just in the nick of time.
    + 8 American Hammers
    + 9 Rows (Hawg gracefully corrected PAX form. Many thanks)
    + 10 Lunges
    + 11 Flutter Kicks – HOLD THAT ROCK OVER YOUR HEAD
    + 12 Burpees at the far sidewalk.

    YHC had estimated that this was going to take about 30 minutes. So we had another exercise planned. But it was now 7:26. So lets hustle the rocks back to their resting place and get back to the (virtual) flag.

    Finish up with COT – named our FNG Slab (he runs Kitchen Depot on Airline). War Eagle then took us home.

    YHC noticed that these river stones offer a much different challenge than Rock City. They are smooth, lacking finger holds. It pushes different muscles to carry the rock for nearly an hour without those finger holds. My forearms were sore for the rest of the weekend. I will be using these again!

  • The timely demise of Judge Boudreaux T Hawg, III – from Mambi

    Q v Q. Reluctant Yankee proved just how reluctant he is by backing out (presumably out of fear, though the claim was an “illness” or “injury”). So who would step up to face the formidable champion, Judge Boudreaux T Hawg, III? Who dared to face the swift and sure hand of justice? When what to our wondering eyes should appear, but a raving lunatic in a Mini? Yes, Rudy-Clause emerged from the dense fog at the last minute carrying a bag of toys for all the PAX. And with that, let the games begin.

    Warm Up: Don “Mambi” King kicked off with a welcome and a warmup. SSH, IW, some arm circles, and such. But he quickly handed control to the reigning Q champion to start the main event. But the good Judge was obviously cowering in fear of the imposing form of his opponent, and tapped out. So Rudy-Clause had the opening.

    Thing 1: Naughty and Nice. 6 PAX were obviously naughty. Its clear that Triple Shift and his ilk are on track to have empty stockings this year. They were sent off to collect coupons. The Nice PAX (here’s looking at you, Hokie!) instead got to collect gifts from Santas bag. And what should they find? Bricks! Each Naughty PAX pair up with a Nice PAX. Naughty PAX: start thrusters. Nice PAX: how about some Floyd M’s with the bricks, then a 10 yard out-and-back bear crawl. Naughty PAX griping about the unfairness of it all. So swap with your partner. Time for one more round: Naughty start with Brick-pees, Nice get some Wonder Bras (push them bricks out, then push them up) with an out-and-back Crab Walk. Trade off again, but we ran out of time. Rudy-Clause suspects that the host was skewing time in favor of the reigning champ.

    Thing 2: The Good Judge explains that the only way to shut Rudy up is to enforce a “Mouths Closed” rule. So all PAX start following the judge on a run. If you mouth off, you have to drop and start burpeeing. Surprisingly, Rudy and all the PAX kept quiet, though Bolt and Hokie decided to stop for burpees rather than continuing to run. Frac, however, kept running despite talking in the back of the line. PAX followed the Judge to U-Turn and pick up the missing PAX, stopping for some burpees too. Then continue on to the Mountain for some Obnoxious Exercises (emphasizing what the Judge claims is the “Obnoxious banter” of his foe). Rudy pointed out that some times, exercises just need a little clarification. And with that: Crawl-Bear up the mountain. Think that was obnoxious? How about Walk Crab up the mountain (Gabby calls it quits and just decides to walk). Oh, but the judge wasn’t done yet. He devised an insidious child’s play game – “Somersault Up the Mountain”. RevSox seemed very confused by this one, and just started rolling around in the grass after smacking straight out of his lane into another PAX. Oh, TIMES UP.

    Thing 3: Rudy-Clause starts by observing the recent lessons of his beloved coach Kelly: what better way to care for the kids in ones care then by ABANDONING THEM IN THE HOUR OF NEED. The Santa Clause robes stripped bare, Rudy-Kelly stands before the PAX sporting his new LSU gear. Lets celebrate “Big Game Brian’s” history of success at ND with some over-and-back exercises with numbers called out from the BK era. 0 National Championships (stand there). 1 Freakish southern-faux accent (over and back). 3 losses in CFP (8 ct body builders). 5 losses to “power 5” teams (burpees). 8 losses to “academic peer” institutions (carolina wine mixers). 11 losses to Top 10 teams (BBSU). 21 vacated wins (SSH). Don King calls time before we get to cumulative 72 point losses in CFP. Mahatma greatly appreciated this new insight into his favorite coach!

    Thing 4: Took a little while for this one to come together for the good Judge. Rudy speculated that this set probably looked better on paper than in practice. But lets give it a shot. 3 PAX on the ground holding bricks. A 4th PAX lay across them. Then the PAX try to “bench press”. Everyone got a turn laying, everyone got plenty of turns pressing. One more “Max Out” with 2 PAX together pressing one standing PAX. Most of the PAX got to bench press Fast Tax, who weighs 88 pounds. But when Rudy Clause went down for the count, the good Judge doled out the worst punishment – putting his own 211 pounds on the blocks. A valiant effort by Pai Gow and Rudy but they barely moved that massive load. And with that – time’s up.

    The good Judge gave an impassioned closing argument, explaining just how much of a HIM his opponent was (many thanks!). Rudy Clause seemed surprised by the need to make a closing argument, and could only muster a “Merry Christmas – do you want presents or not?”

    COT: 12 PAX count off. Plenty of confusion on just how to state name, F3 name and age. You’d think this group of veterans would know this by now. Plenty of intentions, including specifically Minute Rice – for strength through a health challenge, and for embarking on a new life with his bride.

    Then the final tally was in – at first, it looked as if the Judge may have fooled enough jurors with his smoke screens of lies and fast talking. Would it be a hung jury? But no – in the end, the PAX voted for the restoration of Christmas this year and sent the Judge packing.

    Come join the Q v Q next month (next year) to see if The Shrimp Man (King Kong) answers the bell!

  • The Muthaship is Back! – from Fracsac

    YHC took the Q at the Mothership with the intent to work off the last 48 hours of eating.
    With a brief disclaimer given, 11 pax headed to the great lawn to warm up. Rudy, Catfish, Fresh Prince, Channel Mullet, Mahatma, Hokie, BayWatch, Hawgcycle, SOGO, Kennah Brah and YHC circled up for the Warmup. There was much Mumblechatter over the cones.

    SSH IC x 15 (only 15???)
    IW, GG, AV, then onto some Bat Wings consisting of 15 regular stuff and finished off with Moroccan Night Clubs x 31. Just for the fun of it, YHC threw some chinook squats in there. They were a big hit!

    Mosey to the peristyle….but what about the cones? YHC heard one pax say maybe they aren’t his???

    At the peristyle, grab a column for Jack Ass Webbs. That’s one burpee to two donkey kicks OYO. Finish when completed 5 burpees and 10 donkey kicks. #crowd pleaser.

    Mosey back to the great lawn. Cones? Nope.
    Circle up to see why only 15 SSH.

    The Motivator! Deconstructed SSH from 10 to 1.

    Cones? Nope. Mosey to Popp’s Bandstand and grab a column. Jack Webbs with 1 merkin and 2 air presses in the people’s chair. Complete IC up to 10 and 20.

    Mosey back to great lawn. Cones? Nope. Blimps at the corners. Burpees OYO with all others IC.

    Return to the middle of the great lawn, all pax plank and wait for YHC to come back with…..a football. Yes, now the cones!

    Count off, 5 per side with 1 floater, which was YHC. Rules were same as ultimate frisbee. YHC forgot his team a couple times, it was a total mess. Mid way through, change rules to something else. YHC could document the rules here, but what good would that do? I’m pretty sure it was a tie when the game ended. The pax got a good workout, and had fun. Mission complete!

    COT

    NMM

    -9 attended Coffeteria where we discovered Kennah Brah’s favorite waitress had been let go. Apparently her sarcasm wasn’t appreciated outside the F3 community.
    -Welcome back SOGO and Channel Mullet!
    -next time there will be extra balls brought to allow for the Fast Tax rules, with slight modifications throughout.
    -Sphinxster welcoming the pax back to the farm Saturday 04 December!
    -Christmas party planned by Almonaster 18 December!
    Sunny side 2.0 workout at the peristyle Sunday 0700!

    The muthaship is back, Baby!

    SYITG

  • Twas an Epic Battle – from Fast Tax

    ‘Twas an Epic Battle
    The morning dawned bright and clear at El Diablo as 10 PAX made their way to the flag, having made the wise choice to avoid the pot-hole ridden millennial Frisbee game Uptown. You could feel the wonder and anticipation permeating in the crisp November air as questions swirled in the minds of the PAX present; what did Fast Tax have in store for us? Would there be chocolate as promised? Did I leave the iron on?

    After a quick disclaimer, we moseyed to our usual warm-up area by the rocks accompanied by Fracsac’s and Bogie’s moaning about it being a sprint instead of a mosey.
    Just for Hokie, YHC modified his regimented game plan to begin with Hillbillies, for a reason that I can no longer remember…something to do with some team winning something…

    Remaining warmups consisted of:
    o Arm Circles (fwd and bwd)
    o Seal Claps
    o Skydiving Australian Snow Angels

    Right as warmups completed, we were joined by Stripes, (Fast Tax 2.0) having returned from deployment.

    Unwilling to jump right into the main event, YHC selected the Ascending Testicles to kick things off: 10 Merkins OYO at 15 degrees (hold for PAX), 10 Merkins at 45 degrees, and hold at 90 degrees (aka balls to the wall).

    The next exercise, the Bruce Lee, would test the bounds of the concentration or understanding of many of the PAX (apparently), since the difficulty evident in following directions was paramount.

    The Bruce Lee was supposed to consist of 3 sets of 15 reps of each the following: Hammer, Leg Lifts, Dying Cockroach, LBCs, Heel Touch, and Crunchy Frog, with a 30 sec rest b/t sets.

    However, with time and comprehension both limited, YHC wisely decided to push on to the next event, the Flip-Flop.

    The Flip-Flop is a 2-PAX team exercise that begins on a starting line with PAX 1 flipping a pallet end over end to a designated finish line while PAX 2 lunges to the same line holding a 35-40lb rock. PAX switch at the line and race back. Admittedly, YHC could have engineered more creative uses for the pallets (thanks to Hokie for the pallet loaner) but, I didn’t want to take too much time away from the main event.

    After returning rocks and pallets, we moseyed to the field for the big reveal…BATTLE FRISBURPEE.

    To the wonder and delight of those in attendance, YHC explained the concept and the rules.

    Battle Frisburpee – The Concept:
    A blend of ultimate Frisbee and dodgeball, with an emphasis on individual burpee punishment, played running the width of a football field as the length and the 5 and 20 yard lines as the left and right boundaries. Each sides goal began 5 yards in from the corresponding end. This equates to a field 160 yds from end to end, including a 5 yd end zone on each side, and a width of 15 yards (or more if more than 10 players).

    Battle Frisburpee – The Rules:
    To score, a PAX must catch the Frisbee in the opposing team’s end zone (duh).
    When a team scores, the entire opposing team must do 4 burpees.
    If the Frisbee is dropped, i.e. thrown but not caught, the last person it touches (usually the one throwing it or the one who muffed the catch) must immediately drop and do 4 burpees. The Frisbee is still “live” and is treated as a fumble, any nearby PAX from either team can pick it up and resume play.

    If the Frisbee goes out of bounds, the last person it touches (usually the one throwing it or whoever it hits on the way out) must immediately drop and do 4 burpees. The Frisbee is “dead” and is treated like a soccer ball that went out of bounds, i.e. the opposing team now stands at the spot it went out and immediately resumes play (without waiting for burpees to be completed).

    If either of the player’s feet or any part of the Frisbee itself crosses the boundary, it is deemed out of bounds (clarification provided for Frac’s sake).
    Each team must appoint a “Baller” to act as a goalie of sorts. The Baller stays in the end zone and can throw the dodgeball at any approaching opposing team member, whether they are holding a Frisbee or not. A player hit with the ball, must immediately drop the Frisbee, if carrying one, and do 4 burpees. The Frisbee is still “live” and can be picked up by anyone else.

    The Baller is the only one who can throw the ball at an opposing player and the Baller must throw only from the end zone.
    The player is only “hit” if the ball doesn’t touch the ground first.

    With that out of the way YHC will finish the tale…
    Team 1: Fast Tax, Stripes, Bolt, Shooter, and Triple Shift
    Team 2: Boo-Boo, Hokie, Bogie, Frac Sac, Hawg, and Rudy

    The battle was close and hard fought…not really. It was close for the first 2 points, then admittedly, Team 2 pulled ahead, clearly due to their height advantage over Team 1. After several close calls and numerous burpees, Team 2 walked away with bragging rights, with a final score of 4-1.

    With game over we headed to COT for name-o-rama, announcements, intentions, and prayer.
    Followed by Coffeteria at PJs.

    Thanks for the fellowship!
    SYITG

  • Look Mom! I’m 4! – from Rev Sox

    Everyone is born once. Many have been born twice. A select few have been born thrice. Today YHC celebrates the 4th anniversary of my third birth.
    On January 27, 1983 on a cold, wintry morning in Binghamton, NY, Shawn Willson was born to David and Becky Willson at Wilson General Hospital.
    At some point in the late 80s, YHC has no clue to the precise date, he had his second and most important birth. YHC believed and trusted in Jesus to save him and give him His life. At that moment, YHC was born again through the power and saving work of Jesus to now live with eternal life.
    On Veterans Day weekend in 2017, Hawgcycle and Channel Mullet heaped unending piles of guilt on YHC’s two scrawny shoulders and convinced YHC to join them for his first F3 workout. The following morning through sweat, tears, and much complaint, YHC was born a third time as Rev Sox. Hater of Red Sox and hater of step ups. The Pax celebrates that day, today.
    Circle Up for the Warm Up
    No mosey to the Rock Pile or some dark corner of Pontiff Park, the Pax starts this one hot with the warm-up right at the flag.
    SSH – 20
    Hillbillies (in honor of the hillbilly standing next to YHC who introduced him to this stupid group) – 20
    Smurfjacks – 20
    Low Slow Squat – 12
    Bat wings (don’t put your arms down until we’re done) – 10 forward arm circles, 10 reverse, 10 seal claps, 10 overhead claps, 10 Moroccan night clubs
    The Thang
    Mosey to the first pavilion, it’s occupied, mosey to the second pavilion to commence the memory of YHC’s first F3 – this means step ups
    Dips – 15
    Right leg step ups – 15
    Dips – 15
    Left leg step ups – 15
    Mosey to the bleachers
    Tooth fairy
    Seven merkins on the first bench of the bleachers, six on the second bench, and so on until you hit one at the top
    Alternating step ups – 20
    Mosey to the playground
    Alternating step ups – 20
    Mosey to the Rock Pile and Grab a Rock
    In Cadence, 6 curls and 1 shoulder press, 5 curls and 1 shoulder press, 4 and 1, 3 and 1, 2 and 1, 1 and 1
    Now with 6 shoulder press and 1 triceps extension
    Now with 6 chest press and 1 big boy sit up
    Now with 6 squats and 1 curl
    Return your rock and Mosey to the football field. At this point, Mop began to trash talk that he was feeling perfect and maybe the Q needed to step things up and make it more difficult. That kid is such a punk. Who lets a 9-year-old come to F3 anyway?
    Circle Up for Some Climate Change
    In honor of COP26, F3 NOLA did our part this morning by hugging our imaginary trees and putting our faces in the grass in remorse over all the noxious gases that have been released into the atmosphere during F3 workouts. The Pax held Al Gore while the first Pax went down and did 6 merkins, the second began his after 3 were completed. Two rounds around the circle.
    The Celebrating Fun
    It’s not a Rev birthday without Ultimate Frisbee and some guys running around without a shirt on in the cold so Boo Boo and War Eagle can complain about it on end for the next couple of years.
    The Pax split up in two teams – shirts and skins. The shirts won because they are a bunch of jerks who don’t let the Q win on his birthday celebration. Thankfully, since there were no Lakeview players present, cheating was at a minimum with everyone hitting the ground for their merkins after every turnover. Final score: shirts 5, skins 4.
    The End
    Short mosey back to the flag as the Pax counts off, name-o-rama, announcements, and prayer. Thank you all from the depths of my heart for what you have each meant to me over the past 4 years. Your presence is everything. Working out alone is the worst. May F3 endure from now until the end of Christ’s rule on earth. I hope to do F3 into eternity.

  • F3 Justice – from Kuch

    F3 Regional Court – View District

    In the View District Court of F3 New Orleans

    ————————————————————–
    F3 Nola,
    Petitioner,
    v.
    Jeffrey “Kuch” Green
    Respondent
    ———————————————————-

    Kenner (America’s City), USA

    Friday, Oct. 29th, 2021

    APPEARANCES:

    The Honorable Boudreaux T. Hawgcycle, III, Pontiff, F3 NOLA; on behalf of the Petitioner.
    Fracsac, The View, F3 NOLA; on behalf of the Petitioner.
    Jefferey “Kuch” Green; LVCCC, F3 NOLA; the Respondent.
    Mambi, Hokie, Mahatma, Bear, Kennah Bruh, War Eagle, Bolt, Triple Shift as witnesses

    DISCLAIMER AND WARM-UP
    (5:30 AM)

    PROCEEDINGS
    (5:35 AM)

    Judge Hawgcycle: We will hear the argument in case 21-003, F3 NOLA vs. Jeffery “Kuch” Green. Mr. Kuch, allegations have been brought forth that you are a slick talking, yoga posing, Bernie Sanders loving, no good, Yankee lawyer. These are serious allegations and will be discussed at length throughout this morning’s trial. In keeping with a tradition of the court we will open this session with 15 burpees on your own. Proceed.
    The courtroom does 15 burpees. Bailiff Fracsac ensures that burpees end with a clap, adhering to courtroom regulations.

    Judge Hawgcycle: I submit the first allegation against Mr. Kuch. It has been discovered that in early 2018, Mr. Kuch visited a Yankee website to look up exercise names. After visiting said website, he proceeded to name running up a levee backwards “The Bernie Sanders.” The court contends that Mr. Kuch had no authority in naming this exercise. Let the records show that as early as 2016 this exercise, commonly performed at the City Park District AO Okwata, had been referred to by the name “Quadraphilia,” by the good men of F3 NOLA. If it pleases the court (and it does) everyone will now participate in a round of Quadraphilia. By definition this exercise will last 4 minutes.

    The Court did a round of Quadraphilia

    Judge Hawgcycle: I submit the second allegation against Mr. Kuch. It appears Mr. Kuch has started a non-F3 workout with only F3 participants. This is the bi-weekly Broga workout occurring in the City Partk District of F3 NOLA. This is an unsanctioned workout, but because of the F3 only participation, it has caused a great deal of confusion in the greater community. Article I of the Core Principles is clearly broken. The workout is not free. Adherence to Article IV of the Core Principals is questionable at best. The workout is led by the same gentleman each time, Mark “Pretzel” Berger. Mr. Pretzel is an acquaintance of the Court and his F3ness is clearly in question. Now if it pleases the court (and it clearly does) I will lead the court in a round of F3 NOLA Style Yoga to provide an example of how one should properly pay for a beatdown….through pain.

    The Court did the following exercises:
    • Downward Dog Merkins x 20
    • Warrior I Bonnie Blairs x 5

    At this time the court yields the floor to the Respondent:

    MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT:

    Kuch: the charges against me are serious, and I apologize to this Honorable Court and the Metry contingent on hand for the following:

    • Any time one of your wives saw me in one of my super hot tank tops and accidentally called you Kuch during intimate conversations during the following week.
    • For all of those times you got home and didn’t have to throw your $100 pair of tennis shoes in the dryer or place them on the outside A/C unit.
    • For using the exicon in an attempt to bring more variety to workouts and to make them more interesting.
    • For giving you an opportunity to gain mobility and prevent injuries.
    • For giving you a safe place to wear your yoga pants.

    In my defense, I come before the Court with exercises I believe will please Sheriff Frac Sac.
    The thang: 9 minute ascending EMOM burpee pyramid starting at 6 burpees and going through 14. On the dark side of the levee with visibility low, appropriate tunes were selected: Metallica’s “One” on repeat throughout the 9 minutes. Mumblechatter ensued. T-claps to the 4 people who got every single burpee. It was dark, but I recall Triple Shift, Sheriff Frac, The Hon. Hawgcycle, and one more (maybe Mahatma?)

    I reserve the remainder of my time for rebuttal:

    THE MORE SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS

    Judge Hawgcycle: It is the understanding of this court that Mr. Kuch has manipulated dozens of men in the greater New Orleans area using aggressive, psychological techniques. Through his manipulation he has convinced them to leave their comfortable, yet joyless lives, and follow him in the Gloom of F3 NOLA. Mr. Kuch’s aggressive behavior does not stop there. He constantly terrorizes men, texting them each evening to pressure them into posting in the Gloom. He is known to arrive in their driveway, yanking them from the comforts of their home and taking them to that morning’s workout. There have been allegations that he has an organized a car pool ring, known only as the LVCC, that terrorizes the Lakeview Community every weekday morning. The court does not take these allegations lightly. If it pleases the court (and it obviously does) we will now participate in an exercise to prove how psychotic this man is. May I have a volunteer?

    Kennah-Bruh raised his hand

    6 cones(representing the men of this world) were set out about 10 yards apart along the bike path. Kennah-Bruh played the role of Kuch and it was his job to make sure each cone was standing. All other members of the court represented the Cares of the World and their job was to knock the cones down. After knocking a cone over, you run to the top of the levee, then you can come back and knock cones over again.

    We did this for about 4 minutes. Kennah-Bruh worked valiantly to keep the cones upright, but he was unable to do so. At this point Kennah-Bruh petitioned the court for assistance.

    Mambi joined Kennah-Bruh and over the next 3 minutes they worked together to keep the cones upright. They had better results, but many cones continued to be knocked down.

    Triple Shift petitioned the court to join Mambi and Kennah-Bruh. With three men monitoring 6 cones it was more difficult for the Cares of the World to knock cones down. It became clear by then end of the exercise that anything greater than a one-to-one ratio of Kuchs to cones would be optimal. The court rests upon the argument that this is the goal of Kuch, to create an army of men in Lakeview that are constantly protecting the well-being of others.

    IN MY FURTHER DEFENSE:

    I throw myself at the mercy of this Court and acknowledge the seriousness of the transgressions, especially the yoga. Who could have known when this all started that only months later, F3 men would be showing up to workouts in yoga pants and their newest Lululemon attire. I take no joy in the yoga-fying of f3 New Orleans, and again in my defense, I think most of the uptown guys already had a considerable amount of Lululemon athleticasual wear for all seasons. I suggest it could have been worse – I’ve never made a man wear Notre Dame shoes. I don’t get people’s feet wet when I Q. There is a lot respect for shoes in the LVCC. I’ve never asked a man to take a 12-hour stroll with a 30-pound backpack or run 100 miles through the damn woods. But still, in light of the charges against me, with my last act as champion of this AO, soon to deposed, I set my sights on one final goal.

    Now, some may say this goal is completely out of reach, like teaching the blind to see or the deaf to hear. I prefer to think of it as a “lifetime project,” something that we know will take many many eons to attain, but remains attainable, in theory at least, nonetheless. That goal: Bring a modicum of frisbee competency to Metry.

    The thang: Gather in a circle, 2 in the middle, guys in the circle pass the frisbee around, and everytime it hits the ground, 5 merks for everyone in the circle and 2 new people in the middle. There. Were. Many. Merkins. I lost count quickly. However, as time went on, we were able to string together some rallies, so I feel like we took an important step. We will see next time we all step on the field.

    In all seriousness, briefly: Thanks for having me fellas. Thanks for a truly unique and creative beatdown, Hawg. Thanks for the encouragement, and thanks for bearing with me for the stuff that did not work as well. Frisindian run…. Enjoyed spending some time with my Metry brothers. I will be back. Congrats to Hawg, truly a HIM.

    VERDICT:

    Court was adjourned around the flag of the United States of America. After instructions from the lead juror, Mr. Mambi, the jury quickly returned a unanimous guilty verdict on all counts. It is hereby proclaimed by this court that Mr. Kuch has been found guilty of being a slick talking, yoga posing, Bernie Sanders loving, Clown Car driving, Emotional Headlocking, Accountability Providing, Encouraging, High Impact Man and is hearby relieved of his duties as the Champion Q of F3 New Orleans and is sentenced to 6 months of Community Service in the Pontiff District teaching the most uncoordinated men in the F3 NOLA region the fundamentals of Frisbee.

  • Leadership Exemplified – from Hawgcycle

    Conditions: 72 degrees, 98% Humidity, Wind 2 mph from the SSE.

    Many times the Disclaimer is mumbled at the start of the workout, something like “I’m not a professional trainer, push yourself don’t hurt yourself, follow me.” But what makes for a good disclaimer? It’s really the Q’s first act of leadership in the workout. So it’s worth giving some thought to it and using it to set the tone. The bare minimum that you want to accomplish with the disclaimer is to attempt and disavow yourself from any liability if things go terribly wrong in the workout. Now, I am not a lawyer, and I am fairly certain that a no-good, unscrupulous, slick, Yankee lawyer like Kuch could easily side step our good intentions and find a way to use the law to his advantage, but at least you will have tried. So the basic starting point of the Disclaimer is to inform the Pax that:

    • You are not a professional trainer
    • They are all present on their own accord
    • They are responsible for their own well being
    • That the workout may involve times where caution must be exercised (strenuous physical activity, running in the dark, uneven ground, lifting heavy objects, etc.)
    • That they should modify the exercises at any point if they believe their safety is in Jeopardy and that they can seek your advice for such modifications if needed (all the while remembering that you are not a professional trainer and that it was your original direction that lead them to this place of peril in the first place).

    That’s the bare minimum, but a good Q will use the Disclaimer for much more. Our number one goal as Q is to make sure everyone makes it through the workout safely. In addition to the minimum disclaimer, give any specific safety advice needed at this point. For example, if it is a running workout, talk about busy intersections, making sure you are running against traffic, and not leaving anyone to run alone. Make sure someone in the group has a phone. Assign someone to watch out for the six if needed.

    If you want to go above and beyond, this is a good time to reinforce the mission and core principles of F3, especially if new guys are present. If you have planned an interactive workout, you can also take this time to forewarn the pax of questions you may ask during the workout, e.g., what is the mission of F3, what are the five core principles, why did you post this morning, etc…

    Not all disclaimers will be the same, but you know when you hear a good one. When they are really good, they become a topic of conversation. After I gave the disclaimer this morning, we ran to the rock pile. I could hear Rev Sox and Boo Boo discussing the merits of the disclaimer I had just given. They wondered aloud if the new leadership would meet this level of excellence. Personally, I believe they can, but please, don’t get too disappointed if it takes a while.

    Near the rock pile, we circled up for the warm-up. I led the group in 31 SSHs in honor of our playground’s namesake, followed by 15 Imperial Walkers. After that, we did a series of plank like exercises in succession (15 Peter Parkers, 15 Mountain Climbers, and 15 Parker Peters). Back on our feet, we closed it out with 15 grass grabbers and 10 Windmills.

    The Thang

    I spent months preparing for this Q. I read (and re-read) the book Primal Endurance by Mark Sisson. There is a great chapter in the book focused on Maximum Sustained Power. By taking some basic MSP concepts and adapting them to Rock City, I developed today’s workout. The basic principles were to find a heavy rock (mine was marked 52) and do the prescribed exercises at maximum speed. We would hopefully come close to our maximum power output in each set. We used a stack to form the basis of the workout and gave ourselves about 20 seconds to recover between sets. We gave our selves a two-minute recovery time between stacks starting with the 4th stack.

    This was the workout with approximate reps included. Some may have done more or less:

    • 5 Manmakers
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses, 15 Squats
    • Recovery – Plank, Tree Pose each leg
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses, 15 Squats, 20 Curls
    • Recovery – Southern Gentleman, Yankee Aggressor, Karate Kid each leg
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses, 15 Squats, 20 Curls, 25 Rows
    • Recovery – Reverse Plank, Warrior III each leg
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses, 15 Squats, 20 Curls, 25 Rows, 30 Bench Presses
    • Recovery – 10 Nolan Ryans each side

    After this, we did some balance work. I listened to an hour-long podcast in preparation for this Q that discussed the value of unbalanced work and core stability. In an effort to build those intrinsic muscles responsible for so much of our balance and stability we performed the following:

    • Curls x 5 with one foot off the ground…flapjack
    • Shoulder presses x 5 with one foot off the ground…flapjack
    • Rows in Warrior III x 5….flapjack

    We finished with some Core work – 20 LBCs, 15 flutters, 10 side crunches each side.
    Then we headed back to the flag.

    NMM

    About 25 minutes into the workout, Bolt prostrated himself. Was he injured? Should I check on him? Possibly, but unlikely. It seemed more likely that he was new to the Islamic faith and it was time for his morning prayer. How did I know he was new to the faith? He was totally facing the wrong way, unless he was trying to face Mecca, TX. I politely paused the workout and offered that East was the other direction. Leadership exemplified

    At one point, a train stopped on the tracks. One of the young women, running in the park needed to get back across the tracks. As soon as Rudy saw this, he dropped his rock and ran toward her and the train to offer his assistance. He is a gentleman and a scholar…well, at least a gentleman. The young woman seemed to recognize him as he sprinted toward her yelling “Perv! Perv!” Did she confuse Paul with Perv? We will never know. Just as he arrived the train started back up, she yelled “God help me!” (which Bolt had already been praying for), threw herself under the train and disappeared.

    On the way back to the flag, I EH’d a dog walker. I told him we meet in the park everyday at 5:30. He said, “I know (pause…sigh) you all park in my yard.” I feel good that he will join us in the gloom.

    After the workout, I had to pay up on a bet to Hand Grenada for the Ole Miss – Arkansas game. One burpee for every point scored in the game. Arkansas lost the game 51-52. Hand Grenada made me yell “Hoddy Toddy” as I completed each burpee, otherwise he wouldn’t count them. I got to 53 burpees before I had to take a break. At that time, Hand Grenada yelled “No breaks! Start over!” I was too gassed to protest. Looking a lot like Paul Neman’s character in Cool Hand Luke, I wearily began the burpees over. Fortunately, for Cool Hand Hawg, Rudy and Mahatma jumped in to tell Hand Grenada that he was being unreasonable. They pleaded to him to show me mercy and that his demands were jeopardizing my safety. Hand Grenada explained that my mistake was made when I made the bet. If I was not willing to pay up, regardless of the physical harm I may undergo, I should have never made the bet. Rudy and Mahatma continued to grovel for my mercy until Hand Grenada exclaimed, “Weak…I have to go to work. Parten – I’ll see you at El Diablo.”

  • Full Compliance H8! – from Hawgcycle

    Conditions: 75 degrees, 81% Humidity, Wind 1 mph from SSE

    The Thang

    The H8! is the standard measure of F3 NOLA fitness. There are 8 laps. It includes over 3 miles of running New Orleans Hills (aka levees), 550 yards of Bear Crawls, 36 Burpees, and 120 Merkins. It is hard. The H8! debuted on October 23rd, 2016. A lot of familiar names were there that day…Belloq, Tool, Triple, JV, Bubba, Cowbell, me…. all failures. The 2nd running was in March of 2017 and a couple of guys finally broke through. Since then we have held the H8! Semi-annually and seen numerous successes and improvements.

    We have also seen the standard become more lax. There was at least one (maybe more) 45 minute runnings. There has been a fair amount of corner cutting…you know that guy…the one in Junior High basketball practice that basically cut across the free throw lane when we had to run laps. Since the addition of the bike lane on Canal, guys have started running in that, significantly shorting the course. There have been shortened bear crawls as guys take a few steps into the neutral ground before getting down on all fours, or stand up and jog a few steps from the end of the neutral ground.

    Fortunately, there is new leadership in NOLA and they are not going to put up with any of this crap. I was told very succinctly (and in NSFW words) that today would be a Full Compliance workout and that if I could not make that happen there would be some changes come April.
    Luckily, for me I found some cones at Pontiff after War Eagle’s Aggie Tribute. I got to Okwata early and set out cones at every corner. Demonstrations of the overly complicated burp and merk ladder were made. I informed everyone that the running must occur on the sidewalk, and I gave the speech about the bear crawl standard….start the bear crawl with one foot on the concrete next to the neutral ground and do not stand until your hand touches the concrete on the other side.

    Showing their personalities, Saban looked at me at the starting line, made a NSFW gesture and proceeded to run in the bike lane. Vagabond on the other hand, to ensure his bear crawl compliance, started his bear-crawl across the street. Had he been wearing his Garanimals workout wear, I could have let it pass, but with a black F3 shirt, it was a definite safety issue.

    40 minutes later, we were all spent. Three guys finished all 8 laps (YHC, Catfish, and Biebs) for a 19% completion rate. However, there was a 100% success rate among the 16 men that posted today. Getting out of the fartsack and battling the H8! for 40 minutes accomplishes more physically than what many men do all week, or maybe all month.

    NMM

    Bones convinced me to get a Whoop. The Whoop assigns a Strain Score to each workout. The score is between 0-21. The higher the number, the harder the workout. Cardio heavy workouts, with very little recovery score high. Here are my highest F3 Workout scores

    • 17.3 – The H8!
    • 16.7 – IPC Week 3
    • 15.0 – IPC Week 1
    • 15.0 – IPC Week 4
    • 14.9 – IPC Week 2
    • 14.5 – War Eagle’s Aggie Offensive at El Diablo. It was a Snot Woggler.

    An average workout is around 12-13. The H8! Is not an average workout.

  • F3 NOLA Convergence 2021 (a.k.a.”Crew Change”) – Mothership 2021-10-16 – from Reluctant Yankee

    A fine morning, with a change in the weather providing a fitting backdrop for the changing of the guard on the F3 New Orleans Leadership Team.

    Kicked off at the flag zone with naming of the F3 NOLA Rookie of the Year and F3 NOLA Man of the Year. These went to Almonaster and Hokie Pokie, respectively. High praise and congratulations to both of these high-impact men for their efforts during the past year!

    Yankee then kicked things off on the Great Lawn with:
    Side Straddles Hops x27
    Hillbillies (in honor of Hawg’s prom) x 20
    OYO burpees x10
    Side Lunges x20
    Low Country Crabs x20
    Dying Cockroaches x20

    Moseyed to the track where Hawgcycle took over. Hawg brought the hurt with a modified Dirty Mac Deuce featuring:

    Larry Craigs x12
    Sumo Squats x12
    LBC x12

    Pax then partnered up. One pax sprinted 200 m around the tracks while the other moseyed across, then vice versa. Pax reassembled for announcement of the new SLT.

    It was time. Time to give a speech that would last generations, a speech commemorating the past 7 years, and one that would empower the incoming SLT for what was yet to come. Reluctant Yankee reached deep within his well of indisputable high octane expressions, and it was there and then he passed the torch of F3 Nola to Fracsac and Catfish, his great words of wisdom spreading across the field of F3 Nola men, leaders of this Fitness Fellowship and Faith thing we simply refer to as F3. Did anybody write down what he said?

    Fracsac circled the pax up on the field and did 5 SSH IC, followed by 10 burpees OYO. Many thought Shock and Awe was in the works, but nay, just an attention grabber. Next up was the mental challenge.

    6 SSH IC followed by 11 more in silence, all must end with the Q or a penalty would be handed out. The Pax passed with flying colors….but did they?

    4 corners on the track with 10 x 8 count body builders on 2 corners and 10 x burpees on the other 2. Circle back up for mental challenge again.

    This time there was a failure, with 10 x 8 count body builders as the penalty. The pax completed it the next go flawlessly.

    Pax had had enough mental abuse at this point, so there was much rejoicing when the workout was handed to Catfish. Catfish gently led things forward with:

    8-Counts x10
    Low Slow 8-Count Squats x20
    Bonnie Blairs x15
    Mosey back to the Great Lawn, with a quick stop at the baseball field behind Tad Gormley to do some Jack Webbs (up to 13, 11 got skipped). Continued the mosey back to the Great Lawn.

    At the Great Lawn, LBTs waiting x15 for the six. Frac then came back for a rousing round of Catalina Wine mixers (x15) for the finish.

    Back to flag for COT.

    Announcements: Roast on the Coast Starting Nov 5; GoRuck Tough NOLA the following weekend on NOV 12; Almonaster Qing a Christmas charity effort related to Operation Sweet Tooth (details to come)

    Delicious coffee and breakfast followed. Thanks to all who assisted with preparation for this.

    Thanks to all who attended and assisted with today’s convergence, and stay tuned for further announcements from the new leadership team!