F3 New Orleans

Tag: Hawgcycle

  • Look Mom! I’m 4! – from Rev Sox

    Everyone is born once. Many have been born twice. A select few have been born thrice. Today YHC celebrates the 4th anniversary of my third birth.
    On January 27, 1983 on a cold, wintry morning in Binghamton, NY, Shawn Willson was born to David and Becky Willson at Wilson General Hospital.
    At some point in the late 80s, YHC has no clue to the precise date, he had his second and most important birth. YHC believed and trusted in Jesus to save him and give him His life. At that moment, YHC was born again through the power and saving work of Jesus to now live with eternal life.
    On Veterans Day weekend in 2017, Hawgcycle and Channel Mullet heaped unending piles of guilt on YHC’s two scrawny shoulders and convinced YHC to join them for his first F3 workout. The following morning through sweat, tears, and much complaint, YHC was born a third time as Rev Sox. Hater of Red Sox and hater of step ups. The Pax celebrates that day, today.
    Circle Up for the Warm Up
    No mosey to the Rock Pile or some dark corner of Pontiff Park, the Pax starts this one hot with the warm-up right at the flag.
    SSH – 20
    Hillbillies (in honor of the hillbilly standing next to YHC who introduced him to this stupid group) – 20
    Smurfjacks – 20
    Low Slow Squat – 12
    Bat wings (don’t put your arms down until we’re done) – 10 forward arm circles, 10 reverse, 10 seal claps, 10 overhead claps, 10 Moroccan night clubs
    The Thang
    Mosey to the first pavilion, it’s occupied, mosey to the second pavilion to commence the memory of YHC’s first F3 – this means step ups
    Dips – 15
    Right leg step ups – 15
    Dips – 15
    Left leg step ups – 15
    Mosey to the bleachers
    Tooth fairy
    Seven merkins on the first bench of the bleachers, six on the second bench, and so on until you hit one at the top
    Alternating step ups – 20
    Mosey to the playground
    Alternating step ups – 20
    Mosey to the Rock Pile and Grab a Rock
    In Cadence, 6 curls and 1 shoulder press, 5 curls and 1 shoulder press, 4 and 1, 3 and 1, 2 and 1, 1 and 1
    Now with 6 shoulder press and 1 triceps extension
    Now with 6 chest press and 1 big boy sit up
    Now with 6 squats and 1 curl
    Return your rock and Mosey to the football field. At this point, Mop began to trash talk that he was feeling perfect and maybe the Q needed to step things up and make it more difficult. That kid is such a punk. Who lets a 9-year-old come to F3 anyway?
    Circle Up for Some Climate Change
    In honor of COP26, F3 NOLA did our part this morning by hugging our imaginary trees and putting our faces in the grass in remorse over all the noxious gases that have been released into the atmosphere during F3 workouts. The Pax held Al Gore while the first Pax went down and did 6 merkins, the second began his after 3 were completed. Two rounds around the circle.
    The Celebrating Fun
    It’s not a Rev birthday without Ultimate Frisbee and some guys running around without a shirt on in the cold so Boo Boo and War Eagle can complain about it on end for the next couple of years.
    The Pax split up in two teams – shirts and skins. The shirts won because they are a bunch of jerks who don’t let the Q win on his birthday celebration. Thankfully, since there were no Lakeview players present, cheating was at a minimum with everyone hitting the ground for their merkins after every turnover. Final score: shirts 5, skins 4.
    The End
    Short mosey back to the flag as the Pax counts off, name-o-rama, announcements, and prayer. Thank you all from the depths of my heart for what you have each meant to me over the past 4 years. Your presence is everything. Working out alone is the worst. May F3 endure from now until the end of Christ’s rule on earth. I hope to do F3 into eternity.

  • F3 Justice – from Kuch

    F3 Regional Court – View District

    In the View District Court of F3 New Orleans

    ————————————————————–
    F3 Nola,
    Petitioner,
    v.
    Jeffrey “Kuch” Green
    Respondent
    ———————————————————-

    Kenner (America’s City), USA

    Friday, Oct. 29th, 2021

    APPEARANCES:

    The Honorable Boudreaux T. Hawgcycle, III, Pontiff, F3 NOLA; on behalf of the Petitioner.
    Fracsac, The View, F3 NOLA; on behalf of the Petitioner.
    Jefferey “Kuch” Green; LVCCC, F3 NOLA; the Respondent.
    Mambi, Hokie, Mahatma, Bear, Kennah Bruh, War Eagle, Bolt, Triple Shift as witnesses

    DISCLAIMER AND WARM-UP
    (5:30 AM)

    PROCEEDINGS
    (5:35 AM)

    Judge Hawgcycle: We will hear the argument in case 21-003, F3 NOLA vs. Jeffery “Kuch” Green. Mr. Kuch, allegations have been brought forth that you are a slick talking, yoga posing, Bernie Sanders loving, no good, Yankee lawyer. These are serious allegations and will be discussed at length throughout this morning’s trial. In keeping with a tradition of the court we will open this session with 15 burpees on your own. Proceed.
    The courtroom does 15 burpees. Bailiff Fracsac ensures that burpees end with a clap, adhering to courtroom regulations.

    Judge Hawgcycle: I submit the first allegation against Mr. Kuch. It has been discovered that in early 2018, Mr. Kuch visited a Yankee website to look up exercise names. After visiting said website, he proceeded to name running up a levee backwards “The Bernie Sanders.” The court contends that Mr. Kuch had no authority in naming this exercise. Let the records show that as early as 2016 this exercise, commonly performed at the City Park District AO Okwata, had been referred to by the name “Quadraphilia,” by the good men of F3 NOLA. If it pleases the court (and it does) everyone will now participate in a round of Quadraphilia. By definition this exercise will last 4 minutes.

    The Court did a round of Quadraphilia

    Judge Hawgcycle: I submit the second allegation against Mr. Kuch. It appears Mr. Kuch has started a non-F3 workout with only F3 participants. This is the bi-weekly Broga workout occurring in the City Partk District of F3 NOLA. This is an unsanctioned workout, but because of the F3 only participation, it has caused a great deal of confusion in the greater community. Article I of the Core Principles is clearly broken. The workout is not free. Adherence to Article IV of the Core Principals is questionable at best. The workout is led by the same gentleman each time, Mark “Pretzel” Berger. Mr. Pretzel is an acquaintance of the Court and his F3ness is clearly in question. Now if it pleases the court (and it clearly does) I will lead the court in a round of F3 NOLA Style Yoga to provide an example of how one should properly pay for a beatdown….through pain.

    The Court did the following exercises:
    • Downward Dog Merkins x 20
    • Warrior I Bonnie Blairs x 5

    At this time the court yields the floor to the Respondent:

    MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT:

    Kuch: the charges against me are serious, and I apologize to this Honorable Court and the Metry contingent on hand for the following:

    • Any time one of your wives saw me in one of my super hot tank tops and accidentally called you Kuch during intimate conversations during the following week.
    • For all of those times you got home and didn’t have to throw your $100 pair of tennis shoes in the dryer or place them on the outside A/C unit.
    • For using the exicon in an attempt to bring more variety to workouts and to make them more interesting.
    • For giving you an opportunity to gain mobility and prevent injuries.
    • For giving you a safe place to wear your yoga pants.

    In my defense, I come before the Court with exercises I believe will please Sheriff Frac Sac.
    The thang: 9 minute ascending EMOM burpee pyramid starting at 6 burpees and going through 14. On the dark side of the levee with visibility low, appropriate tunes were selected: Metallica’s “One” on repeat throughout the 9 minutes. Mumblechatter ensued. T-claps to the 4 people who got every single burpee. It was dark, but I recall Triple Shift, Sheriff Frac, The Hon. Hawgcycle, and one more (maybe Mahatma?)

    I reserve the remainder of my time for rebuttal:

    THE MORE SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS

    Judge Hawgcycle: It is the understanding of this court that Mr. Kuch has manipulated dozens of men in the greater New Orleans area using aggressive, psychological techniques. Through his manipulation he has convinced them to leave their comfortable, yet joyless lives, and follow him in the Gloom of F3 NOLA. Mr. Kuch’s aggressive behavior does not stop there. He constantly terrorizes men, texting them each evening to pressure them into posting in the Gloom. He is known to arrive in their driveway, yanking them from the comforts of their home and taking them to that morning’s workout. There have been allegations that he has an organized a car pool ring, known only as the LVCC, that terrorizes the Lakeview Community every weekday morning. The court does not take these allegations lightly. If it pleases the court (and it obviously does) we will now participate in an exercise to prove how psychotic this man is. May I have a volunteer?

    Kennah-Bruh raised his hand

    6 cones(representing the men of this world) were set out about 10 yards apart along the bike path. Kennah-Bruh played the role of Kuch and it was his job to make sure each cone was standing. All other members of the court represented the Cares of the World and their job was to knock the cones down. After knocking a cone over, you run to the top of the levee, then you can come back and knock cones over again.

    We did this for about 4 minutes. Kennah-Bruh worked valiantly to keep the cones upright, but he was unable to do so. At this point Kennah-Bruh petitioned the court for assistance.

    Mambi joined Kennah-Bruh and over the next 3 minutes they worked together to keep the cones upright. They had better results, but many cones continued to be knocked down.

    Triple Shift petitioned the court to join Mambi and Kennah-Bruh. With three men monitoring 6 cones it was more difficult for the Cares of the World to knock cones down. It became clear by then end of the exercise that anything greater than a one-to-one ratio of Kuchs to cones would be optimal. The court rests upon the argument that this is the goal of Kuch, to create an army of men in Lakeview that are constantly protecting the well-being of others.

    IN MY FURTHER DEFENSE:

    I throw myself at the mercy of this Court and acknowledge the seriousness of the transgressions, especially the yoga. Who could have known when this all started that only months later, F3 men would be showing up to workouts in yoga pants and their newest Lululemon attire. I take no joy in the yoga-fying of f3 New Orleans, and again in my defense, I think most of the uptown guys already had a considerable amount of Lululemon athleticasual wear for all seasons. I suggest it could have been worse – I’ve never made a man wear Notre Dame shoes. I don’t get people’s feet wet when I Q. There is a lot respect for shoes in the LVCC. I’ve never asked a man to take a 12-hour stroll with a 30-pound backpack or run 100 miles through the damn woods. But still, in light of the charges against me, with my last act as champion of this AO, soon to deposed, I set my sights on one final goal.

    Now, some may say this goal is completely out of reach, like teaching the blind to see or the deaf to hear. I prefer to think of it as a “lifetime project,” something that we know will take many many eons to attain, but remains attainable, in theory at least, nonetheless. That goal: Bring a modicum of frisbee competency to Metry.

    The thang: Gather in a circle, 2 in the middle, guys in the circle pass the frisbee around, and everytime it hits the ground, 5 merks for everyone in the circle and 2 new people in the middle. There. Were. Many. Merkins. I lost count quickly. However, as time went on, we were able to string together some rallies, so I feel like we took an important step. We will see next time we all step on the field.

    In all seriousness, briefly: Thanks for having me fellas. Thanks for a truly unique and creative beatdown, Hawg. Thanks for the encouragement, and thanks for bearing with me for the stuff that did not work as well. Frisindian run…. Enjoyed spending some time with my Metry brothers. I will be back. Congrats to Hawg, truly a HIM.

    VERDICT:

    Court was adjourned around the flag of the United States of America. After instructions from the lead juror, Mr. Mambi, the jury quickly returned a unanimous guilty verdict on all counts. It is hereby proclaimed by this court that Mr. Kuch has been found guilty of being a slick talking, yoga posing, Bernie Sanders loving, Clown Car driving, Emotional Headlocking, Accountability Providing, Encouraging, High Impact Man and is hearby relieved of his duties as the Champion Q of F3 New Orleans and is sentenced to 6 months of Community Service in the Pontiff District teaching the most uncoordinated men in the F3 NOLA region the fundamentals of Frisbee.

  • Leadership Exemplified – from Hawgcycle

    Conditions: 72 degrees, 98% Humidity, Wind 2 mph from the SSE.

    Many times the Disclaimer is mumbled at the start of the workout, something like “I’m not a professional trainer, push yourself don’t hurt yourself, follow me.” But what makes for a good disclaimer? It’s really the Q’s first act of leadership in the workout. So it’s worth giving some thought to it and using it to set the tone. The bare minimum that you want to accomplish with the disclaimer is to attempt and disavow yourself from any liability if things go terribly wrong in the workout. Now, I am not a lawyer, and I am fairly certain that a no-good, unscrupulous, slick, Yankee lawyer like Kuch could easily side step our good intentions and find a way to use the law to his advantage, but at least you will have tried. So the basic starting point of the Disclaimer is to inform the Pax that:

    • You are not a professional trainer
    • They are all present on their own accord
    • They are responsible for their own well being
    • That the workout may involve times where caution must be exercised (strenuous physical activity, running in the dark, uneven ground, lifting heavy objects, etc.)
    • That they should modify the exercises at any point if they believe their safety is in Jeopardy and that they can seek your advice for such modifications if needed (all the while remembering that you are not a professional trainer and that it was your original direction that lead them to this place of peril in the first place).

    That’s the bare minimum, but a good Q will use the Disclaimer for much more. Our number one goal as Q is to make sure everyone makes it through the workout safely. In addition to the minimum disclaimer, give any specific safety advice needed at this point. For example, if it is a running workout, talk about busy intersections, making sure you are running against traffic, and not leaving anyone to run alone. Make sure someone in the group has a phone. Assign someone to watch out for the six if needed.

    If you want to go above and beyond, this is a good time to reinforce the mission and core principles of F3, especially if new guys are present. If you have planned an interactive workout, you can also take this time to forewarn the pax of questions you may ask during the workout, e.g., what is the mission of F3, what are the five core principles, why did you post this morning, etc…

    Not all disclaimers will be the same, but you know when you hear a good one. When they are really good, they become a topic of conversation. After I gave the disclaimer this morning, we ran to the rock pile. I could hear Rev Sox and Boo Boo discussing the merits of the disclaimer I had just given. They wondered aloud if the new leadership would meet this level of excellence. Personally, I believe they can, but please, don’t get too disappointed if it takes a while.

    Near the rock pile, we circled up for the warm-up. I led the group in 31 SSHs in honor of our playground’s namesake, followed by 15 Imperial Walkers. After that, we did a series of plank like exercises in succession (15 Peter Parkers, 15 Mountain Climbers, and 15 Parker Peters). Back on our feet, we closed it out with 15 grass grabbers and 10 Windmills.

    The Thang

    I spent months preparing for this Q. I read (and re-read) the book Primal Endurance by Mark Sisson. There is a great chapter in the book focused on Maximum Sustained Power. By taking some basic MSP concepts and adapting them to Rock City, I developed today’s workout. The basic principles were to find a heavy rock (mine was marked 52) and do the prescribed exercises at maximum speed. We would hopefully come close to our maximum power output in each set. We used a stack to form the basis of the workout and gave ourselves about 20 seconds to recover between sets. We gave our selves a two-minute recovery time between stacks starting with the 4th stack.

    This was the workout with approximate reps included. Some may have done more or less:

    • 5 Manmakers
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses, 15 Squats
    • Recovery – Plank, Tree Pose each leg
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses, 15 Squats, 20 Curls
    • Recovery – Southern Gentleman, Yankee Aggressor, Karate Kid each leg
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses, 15 Squats, 20 Curls, 25 Rows
    • Recovery – Reverse Plank, Warrior III each leg
    • 5 Manmakers, 10 Shoulder Presses, 15 Squats, 20 Curls, 25 Rows, 30 Bench Presses
    • Recovery – 10 Nolan Ryans each side

    After this, we did some balance work. I listened to an hour-long podcast in preparation for this Q that discussed the value of unbalanced work and core stability. In an effort to build those intrinsic muscles responsible for so much of our balance and stability we performed the following:

    • Curls x 5 with one foot off the ground…flapjack
    • Shoulder presses x 5 with one foot off the ground…flapjack
    • Rows in Warrior III x 5….flapjack

    We finished with some Core work – 20 LBCs, 15 flutters, 10 side crunches each side.
    Then we headed back to the flag.

    NMM

    About 25 minutes into the workout, Bolt prostrated himself. Was he injured? Should I check on him? Possibly, but unlikely. It seemed more likely that he was new to the Islamic faith and it was time for his morning prayer. How did I know he was new to the faith? He was totally facing the wrong way, unless he was trying to face Mecca, TX. I politely paused the workout and offered that East was the other direction. Leadership exemplified

    At one point, a train stopped on the tracks. One of the young women, running in the park needed to get back across the tracks. As soon as Rudy saw this, he dropped his rock and ran toward her and the train to offer his assistance. He is a gentleman and a scholar…well, at least a gentleman. The young woman seemed to recognize him as he sprinted toward her yelling “Perv! Perv!” Did she confuse Paul with Perv? We will never know. Just as he arrived the train started back up, she yelled “God help me!” (which Bolt had already been praying for), threw herself under the train and disappeared.

    On the way back to the flag, I EH’d a dog walker. I told him we meet in the park everyday at 5:30. He said, “I know (pause…sigh) you all park in my yard.” I feel good that he will join us in the gloom.

    After the workout, I had to pay up on a bet to Hand Grenada for the Ole Miss – Arkansas game. One burpee for every point scored in the game. Arkansas lost the game 51-52. Hand Grenada made me yell “Hoddy Toddy” as I completed each burpee, otherwise he wouldn’t count them. I got to 53 burpees before I had to take a break. At that time, Hand Grenada yelled “No breaks! Start over!” I was too gassed to protest. Looking a lot like Paul Neman’s character in Cool Hand Luke, I wearily began the burpees over. Fortunately, for Cool Hand Hawg, Rudy and Mahatma jumped in to tell Hand Grenada that he was being unreasonable. They pleaded to him to show me mercy and that his demands were jeopardizing my safety. Hand Grenada explained that my mistake was made when I made the bet. If I was not willing to pay up, regardless of the physical harm I may undergo, I should have never made the bet. Rudy and Mahatma continued to grovel for my mercy until Hand Grenada exclaimed, “Weak…I have to go to work. Parten – I’ll see you at El Diablo.”

  • Full Compliance H8! – from Hawgcycle

    Conditions: 75 degrees, 81% Humidity, Wind 1 mph from SSE

    The Thang

    The H8! is the standard measure of F3 NOLA fitness. There are 8 laps. It includes over 3 miles of running New Orleans Hills (aka levees), 550 yards of Bear Crawls, 36 Burpees, and 120 Merkins. It is hard. The H8! debuted on October 23rd, 2016. A lot of familiar names were there that day…Belloq, Tool, Triple, JV, Bubba, Cowbell, me…. all failures. The 2nd running was in March of 2017 and a couple of guys finally broke through. Since then we have held the H8! Semi-annually and seen numerous successes and improvements.

    We have also seen the standard become more lax. There was at least one (maybe more) 45 minute runnings. There has been a fair amount of corner cutting…you know that guy…the one in Junior High basketball practice that basically cut across the free throw lane when we had to run laps. Since the addition of the bike lane on Canal, guys have started running in that, significantly shorting the course. There have been shortened bear crawls as guys take a few steps into the neutral ground before getting down on all fours, or stand up and jog a few steps from the end of the neutral ground.

    Fortunately, there is new leadership in NOLA and they are not going to put up with any of this crap. I was told very succinctly (and in NSFW words) that today would be a Full Compliance workout and that if I could not make that happen there would be some changes come April.
    Luckily, for me I found some cones at Pontiff after War Eagle’s Aggie Tribute. I got to Okwata early and set out cones at every corner. Demonstrations of the overly complicated burp and merk ladder were made. I informed everyone that the running must occur on the sidewalk, and I gave the speech about the bear crawl standard….start the bear crawl with one foot on the concrete next to the neutral ground and do not stand until your hand touches the concrete on the other side.

    Showing their personalities, Saban looked at me at the starting line, made a NSFW gesture and proceeded to run in the bike lane. Vagabond on the other hand, to ensure his bear crawl compliance, started his bear-crawl across the street. Had he been wearing his Garanimals workout wear, I could have let it pass, but with a black F3 shirt, it was a definite safety issue.

    40 minutes later, we were all spent. Three guys finished all 8 laps (YHC, Catfish, and Biebs) for a 19% completion rate. However, there was a 100% success rate among the 16 men that posted today. Getting out of the fartsack and battling the H8! for 40 minutes accomplishes more physically than what many men do all week, or maybe all month.

    NMM

    Bones convinced me to get a Whoop. The Whoop assigns a Strain Score to each workout. The score is between 0-21. The higher the number, the harder the workout. Cardio heavy workouts, with very little recovery score high. Here are my highest F3 Workout scores

    • 17.3 – The H8!
    • 16.7 – IPC Week 3
    • 15.0 – IPC Week 1
    • 15.0 – IPC Week 4
    • 14.9 – IPC Week 2
    • 14.5 – War Eagle’s Aggie Offensive at El Diablo. It was a Snot Woggler.

    An average workout is around 12-13. The H8! Is not an average workout.

  • F3 NOLA Convergence 2021 (a.k.a.”Crew Change”) – Mothership 2021-10-16 – from Reluctant Yankee

    A fine morning, with a change in the weather providing a fitting backdrop for the changing of the guard on the F3 New Orleans Leadership Team.

    Kicked off at the flag zone with naming of the F3 NOLA Rookie of the Year and F3 NOLA Man of the Year. These went to Almonaster and Hokie Pokie, respectively. High praise and congratulations to both of these high-impact men for their efforts during the past year!

    Yankee then kicked things off on the Great Lawn with:
    Side Straddles Hops x27
    Hillbillies (in honor of Hawg’s prom) x 20
    OYO burpees x10
    Side Lunges x20
    Low Country Crabs x20
    Dying Cockroaches x20

    Moseyed to the track where Hawgcycle took over. Hawg brought the hurt with a modified Dirty Mac Deuce featuring:

    Larry Craigs x12
    Sumo Squats x12
    LBC x12

    Pax then partnered up. One pax sprinted 200 m around the tracks while the other moseyed across, then vice versa. Pax reassembled for announcement of the new SLT.

    It was time. Time to give a speech that would last generations, a speech commemorating the past 7 years, and one that would empower the incoming SLT for what was yet to come. Reluctant Yankee reached deep within his well of indisputable high octane expressions, and it was there and then he passed the torch of F3 Nola to Fracsac and Catfish, his great words of wisdom spreading across the field of F3 Nola men, leaders of this Fitness Fellowship and Faith thing we simply refer to as F3. Did anybody write down what he said?

    Fracsac circled the pax up on the field and did 5 SSH IC, followed by 10 burpees OYO. Many thought Shock and Awe was in the works, but nay, just an attention grabber. Next up was the mental challenge.

    6 SSH IC followed by 11 more in silence, all must end with the Q or a penalty would be handed out. The Pax passed with flying colors….but did they?

    4 corners on the track with 10 x 8 count body builders on 2 corners and 10 x burpees on the other 2. Circle back up for mental challenge again.

    This time there was a failure, with 10 x 8 count body builders as the penalty. The pax completed it the next go flawlessly.

    Pax had had enough mental abuse at this point, so there was much rejoicing when the workout was handed to Catfish. Catfish gently led things forward with:

    8-Counts x10
    Low Slow 8-Count Squats x20
    Bonnie Blairs x15
    Mosey back to the Great Lawn, with a quick stop at the baseball field behind Tad Gormley to do some Jack Webbs (up to 13, 11 got skipped). Continued the mosey back to the Great Lawn.

    At the Great Lawn, LBTs waiting x15 for the six. Frac then came back for a rousing round of Catalina Wine mixers (x15) for the finish.

    Back to flag for COT.

    Announcements: Roast on the Coast Starting Nov 5; GoRuck Tough NOLA the following weekend on NOV 12; Almonaster Qing a Christmas charity effort related to Operation Sweet Tooth (details to come)

    Delicious coffee and breakfast followed. Thanks to all who assisted with preparation for this.

    Thanks to all who attended and assisted with today’s convergence, and stay tuned for further announcements from the new leadership team!

  • 1.1 – 2.1 – 3.1 – 4.1 and Hawg 10 K – from Hokie

    3 Pax showed up on a gloomy “Moist” day

    1 mile opening mosey followed with 100 meter Sprint and 100 Mosey, 200 Sprint 100 Mosey, 300 Sprint 100 Mosey, 400 Sprint 100 Mosey, then 300-100, 200-100, 100-100, 200-100, etc…

    At 6:10 we did “Bell Curves”. Start at goal line, get to 100% by 50 yard line and taper…. rinse and repeat.

    Slow down with mosey to flag for some stretching

    Thanks for showing up Hawg & Moist

  • Roasted Pig – from Hawgcycle

    Conditions: 80 with 88% Humidity. Heat Index of 85. Wind 4 mph from the SSW

    Pax: Rev Lifts, Mopster, Spouse o’ Science Weaver, It’s Just a Rash, Poolside, Annie Liebovitz, The Perfect Merk, Benthere Dunthat, and me, Hawg

    Warm-up: SSH x 31, IW x 20, DQ x 10, Peter Parker x 15, Grass Grabbers x 10, Parker Peter x 15, LSS x 14, Tempo Merks x 14

    The Thang: The guys clearly wanted to search for Plutonium. One look at this group and I knew there would be casualties…lots of them. But maybe we could find some less dangerous isotopes near the rock pile. In retrospect, I know, that sounds stupid. We did find three isotopes of Plutonium-9 at the rock pile. I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew there was only one way to find out. There were children present, there were old geezers present (whom I fully respect) and then there was HG and me who were still hurting from our last exposure. It might kill us all. It was too dangerous, but I couldn’t resist.
    The exposure lasted for all but 5 minutes of the workout. It burned me bad. I had to step away several times. I had to have several guys count to ten to make sure I didn’t go back in too soon. It was an embarrassing number of 10 counts, but my body was burned badly. Maybe it was for the best. We were clearly infiltrated by a German spy, but all of his pictures were of us standing around, protecting ourselves from more exposure.

    Mary: With about 4 minutes left, we circled up for some Mary. Rudy needed burpees and YHC agreed.
    • Burpees x 10
    • Dying Cockroach x 20
    • Burpees x 10
    • Flutter Kicks x 15
    A wise man once said that if you don’t do at least 50 burpees in a workout, you have failed as a Q. YHC failed in ohhhh so many ways today.

    Mosey back to the flag for COT

    After all was done, almost everyone made it back to their car. It was a stronger group than I thought. The child seemed to be doing the best of all. Rudy got to the top of the levee and could go no farther. I never got out of the park. I’m laying here on my back speaking text to Siri so that I can finish this BB. Thirty-five people have stepped over me to get to the track. I’ve had a dog defecate within 18 inches of my head. Rudy’s caterer is now on lap 56. The basketball ref that wears the jorts is about to start mowing. I pray he sees me. If I am here tomorrow when you all show up for the Wally Sprint, please move me to a safer place and tell my daughter that I am sorry I broke the phone stand she made for me. That was a bad omen. I should have heeded the warning.

  • Finding Plutonium – from Hawgcycle

    Conditions: 76 degrees, Humidity 83%, Wind 6 MPH from the SSW. Sunrise 0613.

    Pax: Ole Crooked Letter and Me.

    Warm-up: SSH x 31, IW x 20, DQ x 10, Peter Parker x 15, LSS x 15, Parker Peter x 15, Grass
    Grabbers x 10 (we didn’t clap because we aren’t 4th grade school girls at recess), Arm Circles (Forward x 15, Backerds x 15)

    The Thang:

    I knew the numbers would be low at El Diablo today. Too many Puddins thinking they need to rest up for the Gnarly Nutria. So I figured today would be a good day to experiment. Last night I came up with an idea. What if I take two simple exercises and combine them in a way that’s never been done before. Would the results be explosive, like throwing a chuck of sodium into a tub of water?

    In actuality, what happened during the 10 minutes after the warm-up was both fantastic and horrifying. It’s as if Hand Grenada and I stumbled upon nuclear fission. It came close to killing us, but we think we survived…we will see what happens later today. We aren’t sure what to do with our invention. Do we share it with the world? It could be the greatest thing that ever happened to F3. But what if it falls into the wrong hands? Can you imagine what would happen if some deranged sadist like Catfish or Jingle Vader got a hold of this? Or worse yet, some bumbling fool like Rudy tries to use it. And please help us if the LVCC sniffs it….imagine that scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey with the monkeys and the monolith. That could destroy F3. For now, Hand Grenada and I have determined that we should not give this information to anyone. It’s too dangerous. This exercise shall remain classified.

    After aforementioned explosion, we moseyed to the rock pile where for some 3-6-3 exercises……3 super slow counts, 6 regular cadence counts, ending with 3 super slow counts.
    • Squats sin roca
    • Shoulder Presses
    • Squats con roca
    • Merkins

    Then to the playground for a round 3-6-3 pull-ups

    Then to the wall for a round of 3-6-3 shoulder taps with the left hand and a round with the right hand.

    Back to the VF for some stretches (triceps, chest, hamstrings) and COT

    NMM:
    • Triple Shift has been on me because all I do is run. Every time I see him it’s the same question…”So…. Are you lifting any or just running?” I hear ya Triple. So, taking his encouraging words to heart, I thought today would be a good opportunity to get in some strength training. After the exercise that I can’t talk about, my arms will probably be permanently jacked. I may never have to work them out again. Only time will tell, but this may have solved my problem.
    • I am worried about Hand Grenada. His arms were already pretty jacked. We may have over done it for him. Can you imagine if Gabby had been at this workout? He would never find a shirt with sleeves large enough. All of his suits would get the Belichick treatment. Could he walk into board meetings at GNO, Inc. with his sleeves cut off? See why I can’t share this workout…..man I hope Hand Grenada is okay. If he survives, it will probably help him. He’s in medical sales. I’ve seen the women that go into pharmaceutical sales. The men are definitely at a disadvantage. Looking like a Chippendales dancer will probably help him out.
    • The 3-6-3 workout is a reminder of the Glory Days of the Gnarly Nutria. It was introduced at the Birdcage a week after the World beat Uptown 363-360 at the second annual GN. #NeverForget. The humiliation the Uptown felt doing that workout also lead to a 2nd World victory at GN III. But it’s been dark times for the World ever since the Northshore got too big for their britches and decided to go it alone. Here’s to a return to the glory days.

  • God Bless America – Keep 141, 156, 256 safe – from Hokie

    10 packs showed up on Friday to pay respect to America the 141 the 156 and the 256

    Mosey from the flag to the rock pile and then lineup on the football field in the end zone on a sideline

    21 side straddle hops and 10 Burpee‘s with a double Merkin

    400 m run and 30 side straddle hops

    10 tricep extensions and 10 Burpee’s with double Merkins.

    Lunge walk all the way across the end zone from one side line to the other.

    20 merkins and 10 Burpee’s with double Merkins.

    bear crawl from the side line all the way across the end zone back to the starting sign line.

    400 m run and 30 more side straddle hops

    30 shoulder presses and 10 Burpee’s with double Merkins.

    Lunge walk back across the end zone.

    40 squats and 10 Burpee‘s with double Merkins.

    Bear crawl back across the Endzone.

    400 m run and 30 side straddle hops.

    50 chest presses and 10 Burpee‘s with double Merkins.

    Lunge cross back across the Endzone to the other side line.

    60 shoulder taps and 10 Burpees with double merkins

    Bear crawl back across the end zone.

    Finished with 400 m run and 30 more side straddle hops.

    That is a total of 141 side straddle hops and a 1 mile run along with 70 Burpees with Double and Merkins for those doing the ISI challenge

  • I Don’t Know Your Name, or Where You Come From…. – from Hawgcycle

    I Hate You

    Conditions: 80 degrees, 92% Humidity, Calm seas

    Pax: Professor F-bomb, The Pride of Mothers Everywhere, Notre Dame’s Favorite Son, and me

    Warm-up: Madam Mayor had the fountain on for us this morning so we made a lap around it and then settled in for…..SSH x 25, Peter Parkers x 20, Grass Grabbers x 15, Parker Peters x 20, Don Quixote x 10, and a little shout out to the Brogadites.

    The Thang:

    Mosey to a planter for Tabata. 20 seconds all out – 10 second recovery. 4 exercises – 2 rounds
    • Derkins
    • Box Jumps
    • Dips
    • Donkey Kicks

    Mosey to the House of Pain and Pair up upon arrival. One pair does an L-Hang (which I like to call the Bernie Sanders, but I think I am contractually obligated to not use that term…freakin’ lawyers) while the other crawl bears up the levee. Flapjack and repeat for 3 sets

    Brief Mosey along the base of the levee for….

    11s – Merkins on the near side of the levee, Burpees on the far side

    Back to the top of the levee for a set of LBCs and then….

    Quadraphilia (sue me)

    Back to the flag for COT

    NMM:
    • JV dropped an F-bomb about 20 minutes into the workout after the first round of crawl bear up the levee. That’s the positive reinforcement I am looking for when I Q.
    • How many languages does Catfish speak? I went to a Thai restaurant with him one time and he started speaking Thai with the owner. Today, he and JV both pulled out Latin quotes during COT.
    • The quote that I thought of most today was Vince Lombardi’s famous quip “Fatigue Makes Cowards of us All.” I felt it today. During the last round of the L-hangs I could feel my mind giving out. I know my arms had more left in them…..as Triple Shift is aware….they have 8% more muscle than the ideal man, but my mind was being a coward. Then it happened again during the 11s. With about 5 rounds left Catfish was dangerously close to lapping me. I did not want that to happen, but my mind had already resigned to letting it occur. We are fortunate. We get the opportunity every morning to work on making our bodies and minds stronger. Take advantage of that opportunity. We are all going to face situations where we cannot afford to be a coward. Keep practicing at the beatdowns, so that the next time you are in a situation where you have to push yourself, your mind doesn’t stand in the way.