F3 New Orleans

Tag: Honeysuckle

  • Not in This Life, Sucka! – from Yankee Joe

    “My brethren, consider it a cause of great joy whenever you endure various trials, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith will develop perseverance.4 And let perseverance complete its work so that you may become perfect and complete, and not be deficient in any respect.”

    James 1: 2-4
    ——————————–

    ‘Tis the season of resolutions. New year, new me. Keto diets and less sodas. Time to pass on the second helping of cake and put down the crack pipe.

    For men of faith, it is a season of renewed vigor in our relationship with God. It is a time for reflection, humility, and self denial. We are inclined to pause, take an account, and look up. Words like ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘vulnerability’ swirl around in our heads, desperately trying to make a connection with our hearts. It’s confusing, frustrating, infuriating, inspiring, exciting, terrifying…

    …at least that’s how YHC has been feeling. Perhaps an outlier, but doubtful.

    As such, heading into this Thursday’s Q at the Lion’s Den, YHC recalled an intriguing idea shared by Goose during the three-year F3 Thib manniversary. He shared that he prayed about his beatdown designs, letting the Lord lead…you know, about what might be best for a group of men… gathered in faith. Crazy, right?

    So, that’s what YHC did. What came was a glaring opportunity to share YHC’s struggles in his faith journey…something that required ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘vulnerability’. Interesting.

    ———————————

    The beatdown would consist of five rounds, taking the Pax through their own faith journey. The ultimate goal would be to sprint for10 minutes without a break at the end. However, before we could sprint, we needed to learn how to walk, jump, lunge, and crawl.

    As YHC neared completing the design, it was clear that there was a gap. Something was missing. After some more prayer, YHC realized that part of his struggle was…well…prayer.

    So, at the end of each round of the faith journey, YHC needed an exercise that would represent our struggle and growth in our prayer lives. But what? The Exicon offered nothing of substance. Maybe some ‘we’re not worthy’s’, but YHC didn’t want Goose to bring 20 coupons. Prayer pose in squat position? Nope, looked too much like a Buddha stance…like Paradox holding Al Gore.

    THEN, the answer was served up on a plate of spinach with a side of smirk and ‘be all you can be’ snark. Popeye quipped to Paradox that YHC’s Apolo Ohno form was unacceptable. Now, YHC is not an overly sensitive lad, but to publicly challenge another man’s form is a serious accusation and bears the burden of proof in a court of kangaroos.

    Yes, yes, ENRON. I hear you all the way in Mobile…the previous sentence may be the most hypocritical statement ever uttered in F3 Thibodaux. YHC has indeed been known to publicly challenge men about their form. But if it pleases this corrupt court, I offer the following evidence.

    Exhibit A: Montana’s AIR SQUATS (like standing geriatric monkey humpers)

    Exhibit B: Paradox’s MERKIN where his waist touches the ground with arms still fully extended (like ⅓ merkin, ⅓ pickle pounder, ⅓ cobra)

    Exhibit C: Enron’s JUMP ROPE (there is no description…it’s just uncanny)

    Exhibit D: Popeye’s BONNIE BLAIR’s (like a depressed MC Hammer shuffle after learning that Z Cavaricci’s went out of fashion)

    Exhibit E: Cardinal’s ARM CIRCLES just rotating at the elbow…no shoulders required

    Exhibit F: America’s Best’s THRUSTERS where the only thing he’s thrusting is Dave Matthews’ inexplicable existence into our ears. (It’s almost as bad as Dox’s entire catalog of music. Almost.)

    —————————————-

    Ok, so the Apolo Ohno. An Exicon favorite in tribute to the two-time Olympic gold medalist speed skater. YHC was mildly aware that he could put more effort into the exercise, perhaps getting lower to the ground, but it was more of a style choice. That said, after watching a few videos of Mr. Ohno’s form, closely studying the mechanics of his crossover cornering techniques, and asking around (for a friend, of course), the verdict was crystal clear.

    YHC’s form was off. I mean…WAY OFF. Like, Samsonite luggage way off. How did this happen? How did it come to this? Why didn’t anyone say anything before? Just like realizing for the first time that your endowment is only average size…at best, part of my world came tumbling down. A house of cards.

    Regardless, YHC now had his secondary theme to represent the morphing struggle of his prayer life.

    ———————————–
    How It Started

    As we moved through Warmarama, YHC included some Apolo Ohno’s as a teaser before the reveal. Here, it was immediately apparent that YHC’s form had NOT improved since watching the videos. I shushed Goose, pretending it was all part of the plan and we proceeded to the thang.

    The Thang

    For each round, the PAX would endure a stage of their faith journey interrupted by a different take on the Apolo Ohno. The versions were close, but a bit awkward…and though uncomfortable and hard, still somehow enriching.

    Round 1

    – Spider-Man crawl to cone
    – 25 That’s A No-hno – In honor of the No-No king, Nolan Ryan and a nod to landing seven uppercuts to Robin Ventura’s face: Apollo Ohno form on the side crossover, but mimicking the Nolan Ryan arm movements normally done in side plank.
    – Reverse Spider-Man back to start
    – Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax

    ————————————-

    So here we are. At this point, you have made a valiant effort. Excited to launch down a path of walking closer with God, you’ve managed to endure something rather difficult. Then it seems, you find yourself right back where you started.

    However, the question becomes, “Are you? Are you right back where you started?” For YHC, it often feels like running in circles or like taking two steps forward and 100 back. That said, regardless of where you are (physically, spiritually, psychologically), have you taken the time to reflect on where you’ve just been? Are you sure you haven’t grown? Learned? Armed with some shaky, hesitant confidence, you keep fighting the good fight. You might try to take on more though it may feel like sometimes your legs are being cut out from under you.

    Round 2

    – Boo boo bear crawl (three legged) with left leg up to cone
    – 25 Only Bo-noh’s – commemorating one of the greatest dual threats in history, Bo Jackson. Specifically, in memory of that time when he broke a bat over his head after striking out!
    Arms up on either side of head pulling down like breaking a bat over your head
    – Boo boo bear crawl with right leg back to start
    – Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax

    ————————————–

    Once again, you find yourself seemingly (and frustratingly) near where you started. You’ve suffered a bit more, limping along. This time, however, you are perhaps a bit more willing to pause and reflect. Maybe you acknowledge that you may not have to be in such a hurry. You’re starting to actually consider at a deeper level the concepts of ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘sacrifice’. The initial euphoria has started to ebb. You move forward, but with caution and A LOT more questions. As such, you take long, slow strides (with knees TOUCHING the ground, Popeye).

    Round 3

    – Flying nuns to cone
    – 25 Ronnie Oh Hell-nohs – In acknowledgement of Enron’s impeccable merkins form and impressive prowess…On either side of the crossover side step, drop down for a merkin (50 total merkins)
    – Reverse flying nun to start
    – Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax

    ——————————————–

    “And David danced before the Lord with all his might…” 2 Samuel 6:14

    At this point, you only thought your journey had been difficult. The last experience was a wake-up call: It can get a lot tougher. It nearly killed you.

    Except, it didn’t kill you. Actually, as you reflect (more naturally now), you realize that it wasn’t that bad. Not only did you persevere, you feel stronger. What’s more is that you realize you might have even liked the struggle. Not from a sense of misguided martyrdom, but rather from a place of genuine humility. Whoa. What am I going to do now? It’s a new kind of scary. Perhaps there is a sense of empowerment derived not from pride, but from freedom. Real freedom. If you’re like YHC, you’re skeptical, you fight the urge to give in. This ‘surrender’ is even more terrifying when you realize you might be capable of letting go. Regardless, you’re fired up, but you don’t know how to run. Not yet. So you leap.

    “…the baby leaped in her womb…” Luke 1: 41

    Round 4

    – Broad jumps to cone
    – 25 Yankee Jeaux-noh’s – Jump squat in between each ohno for a total of 25 jump squats.
    – Crab walk back to start
    – Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax

    —————————————-

    “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

    Romans 5: 3-5

    It is time to stand up. You are ready to run, while thanking God for the gift of wisdom to know when you should crawl. And the courage to do so. You may realize that these trials were and will always be part of the journey. Like Job, you might start to look at the setbacks as a Grace. For YHC, the distractions are not borne from difficulty, but rather because I put those things first. What if…just what if I were to give God the first fruits? Give Him all of it?

    You’re ready to run. You can stop whenever you feel like it. Whenever you feel like you have no more room to grow and that you’ve arrived at the pinnacle of your existence.

    You can stop.

    BUTTTT…you’re a man! You need metrics. You track outcomes. You crave structure. You compete to reach a destination. It might occur to you that there IS NO destination. There is no finish line. There is no rest. Well…we are promised that there is…

    …but not in this life, Sucka.

    Round 5

    – Sprint to embankment (approx. 60 yards) and crawl up hill
    – Let Your Yes Be Yes and Your No Be No-hno’s – 25 Apolo Ohno’s…real, authentic, perfectly formed Apolo Ohno’s
    – Sprint back to start
    – Repeato until time is called (approx. 10 minutes)

    ——————————————

    COT, ANIMAL went to MOM JEANS, and Honeysuckle prayed us out.

    Final Thought

    As I was demonstrating the broad jump squats in Round 4, I snarkily warned against incorrect form. I showed what poor form looked like. Then, I attempted to demonstrate the correct form. I then proceeded to FULLY bust my backside and landed flat on my six.

    Humility is a moving target. Once you think you got it, it’s gone.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Tribute: Bishop Mario Dorsonville – from Goose

    YHC was in the process of building a fun Saturday beatdown when Cardinal called with some devastating news: Bishop Dorsonville had passed away at 6:50pm from complications due to to treatment of liver issues. He had been dealing with a lot of pretty major medical stuff over the past couple of months, but he wasn’t anywhere near death, so this came as a shock to everyone. After some time grieving with the M and connecting with friends and family, YHC knew there was still a beatdown to be built for the morning, and the original theme wasn’t gonna work anymore. A solid tribute would be the only appropriate way to move forward.

    F3 tributes are usually put together for fallen soldiers or policemen killed in the line of duty, and they’re defined by a single, very difficult routine that provides for maximum effort to honor the fallen. Though not a soldier or a policeman, Bishop Mario Dorsonville offered his life deeply and continuously for the people of the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux in a uniquely heroic way, and his untimely death deserves such a tribute.

    When he was named Bishop of Houma-Thibodaux, he had no idea where it was or what to expect, but he accepted it as the Lord’s will and resolutely headed this way. After his installation, he told me (on multiple occasions and with deep, passionate sincerity) that this was not going to be a stop on the way to a bigger assignment for him. He had already made up his mind and had communicated to his superiors that these would be his people for the rest of his life. These would be the people to whom he would belong, and they would belong to him until his death or retirement. He had no family left on earth outside of some distant relatives back in Colombia, and he didn’t know anyone here. But, he quickly connected with YHC’s family and with Cardinal and his family. Cardinal would become his secretary, his right hand man in all things, his brother in every sense of the word, his companion on the journey. We just had no idea the journey would be so short.

    The PAX gathered in the cold gloom and YHC was grateful to sink into what has become a strong brotherhood, a team of HIMs defined by gratitude and humble grit. It was nice to enter that circle and let the chatter wash over us. YHC could tell the 2.0’s were grateful for that, too–they were close with Bishop, like an uncle, and they had just received the hard news that morning in the truck on the way there.

    A warmup of the usuals, including the introduction of what YHC labeled “Lafayette Nightclubs”, a weird but extremely effective arm exercise experienced in Lafayette a couple of weeks ago (they called them “Moroccan Night Clubs”, but anyone who’s been to Morocco knows better). It starts with hands up, elbows down at your sides, then extend up and outward about 45 degrees before coming back down. This one’s quickly becoming one of YHC’s favorites since it works out an area that’s been hard to loosen up.
    Also, Duke unwittingly provided some comic relief as he covered his whole face with his knit had to ward off the cold wind and kept drifting into Safety Valve’s circle of safety and windmilling him in the face. I think he actually wore it like that for the entire warmup.

    YHC then explained what we’d be doing and why–some of the PAX knew already and some didn’t–and we split into teams of three, grabbed one coupon per team, and headed to the lower field.

    The tribute would consist of a Dora-like routine wherein teams of three would complete the following exercises/reps:
    -B: Burpees 200
    -I: Imperial Walkers 300
    -S: Side Straddle Hops 400
    -H: Heels to Heaven 300
    -O: Ono’s (Apolo Ono’s) 200 (2:1)
    -P: Peter Parker Merkins 100
    There were two cones set up about 15 yards apart, and while one of the trio chipped away at the burpees, another at the other cone started on the Imperial Walkers, and the third traveled from the first to the second via block-and-bear. Upon arrival, he took over on the Imperial Walker reps, and the second traversed back via block-and-bear to take over on burpees. Once a rep count was completed, that side would move onto the next letter’s exercise.

    Yankee Joe came running over just as YHC was completing the explanation, but unfortunately, he made number 13, so we had to send him all the way back to grab another coupon so he could join one of the groups and make a foursome, requiring two men to block-and-bear together. He didn’t complain, though, and shared that he had heard about Bishop that morning, and though he may not have planned to be there otherwise, he had rushed out to the door to support YHC. That was deeply moving, and YHC was almost sorry to have to put him through such a grueling routine…almost.

    It started rough and remained rough throughout, especially with the cold coupons numbing the fingers, making it hard to tell if you were fully gripping the block on the pulls. But, the variations of exercises and switching between them made it a little more doable (a little). Once all had finished except Suckle and AB (that’s how you know there may have been some widespread form-fudging), the rest of the PAX took 5 PPMerkins apiece to fill the gap, and we lined up for the next movement.

    Indian Run via the road to the far gate (by the chimney field), the last guy dropping to do 3 genuflections before running to the front. This was tougher than it otherwise would have been, obviously because of the effort that was just poured in by the PAX, and the cold wind was a-blowin’. Once we arrived at the gate, YHC called a halt to share some words and an explanation of what we’d be doing next.

    Bishop Dorsonville loved intensely. He yearned for familial relationships, and he naturally gave himself over, opening his heart wide to those he encountered. This was often exhausting for him, especially as he encountered more and more people here, and many of them weren’t always sure how to receive such an intense, sincere, familial love. This was painful for him, particularly since he had no family or friends here to fall back on, no place to be safe and comfortable with people who knew his heart, to whom he already belonged. But, he didn’t stop. He continued to press on and show up and pour himself out, praying for strength and growing connections with people here. Thankfully, Cardinal’s prayer led him to say yes to the request to be Bishop’s full-time secretary (which is more of like a partner/assistant), and God allowed he and his family to provide a “home” for him. God also allowed YHC and family to give him some harbor in the storm when he’d visit the house to feel at home with the mess and beauty of family life.

    To honor this intense, often painful journey of pouring himself out unreservedly for the people here, we would run as hard as we could from there via the road to the parking area in front of the main building, just past the Thunderdome. It was about 1/3 of a mile, which was long enough to be friggin’ hard, but not long enough to get into a groove or find a good pace. He was the Bishop for only 9 months, which was long enough to be deeply difficult but not long enough to get comfortable.

    YHC sent Yote and the 2.0’s on the shorter route between the fields, and we lined up. On signal, we took off at a hard pace and kept it hard–YHC could hear the footsteps of Suckle not far behind, and the rest were not far behind him. The body was exhausted, but we had a good reason to offer it up, to not measure how much more we could take, especially because we knew it would end soon enough. This part hit YHC hard, and the tears wanted to take over, but the opportunity to pour it all out and the support of this awesome crew provided the drive needed to put the pedal to the metal. (And, it almost provided YHC’s first career pukeage, too.)

    We went down to the field and grabbed the gear before heading back to the flag for COT, and Dox prayed us out, all of us focusing on Cardinal’s grief and Bishop’s eternal rest.
    Thanks, again, gentlemen, for your support and for entering into an unforeseen tribute beatdown in sub-freezing temperatures. F3 continues to be a deeper, more important gift than I know any of us could’ve ever expected.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • A Brick Called Dora – from Yankee Joe

    YHC was looking for something unique, challenging, and engaging for the Peltch. As I labored over various ideas throughout the week, very important questions came to mind.

    Questions like, “Have you ever been further endeared to a friend because of his farts of sweet, tangy musk?”

    Or others like, “If you made a priest miserable and then had him carry you 25 yards on his back, would you have to do penance?”

    Or perhaps, “Is denim water repellant and insulated?”

    Or, the one that was nagging me most, “Have you ever felt, I mean truly felt and really appreciated the firmness of another man’s butt cheeks?”

    These questions would challenge even the greatest of men, but they say geniuses choose green. But when buying our minivan, YHC didn’t choose green. On top of it all, there was the prospect of four FNG’s!

    That said, out of the darkness of beatdown designer’s block, came the answer:

    It would need to be crafty, annoying, and manipulative. It would need to be painful, repetitive, and unnecessary. It would need to pull hamstrings and push out farts. There was only one person in the whole of the Exicon that could answer the call.

    Dora.

    Also, did you know Dora loves bricks. She’s mighty mighty, lettin’ it all hang out.

    ———————————-

    How It Started

    As it turns out, only one FNG made it out, which is still a reason to celebrate. A spritely young man, formerly called Richard, showed up in jeans, a la O’Shem. He would go on to smile his way through the insanity, running (or rather lunging) circles around the rest of us. His naming – and it’s a darn tootin’ good name – will be discussed later.

    Also, we had the triumphant return of Hand Grenade. With him, HG brought back the ANIMAL shirt. And there was much rejoicing…yayy…

    Following the woefully incomplete and liability ridden disclaimer by YHC (thanks Cardinal for reminding me that this was a thing), we jumped into warmarama at the locals bar: SSH, windmills, arm circles, mountain climbers, self love, high knees, butt kicks, Willy Mays Hayes.

    During this time, I was concerned that with the absence of Paradox and Enron, the lack of snarky, disruptive, and highly distracting chatter would have a harmful impact on the beatdown. YHC needed not worry his perfectly shaped bald little head. America’s Best and Lil’ Cuz stepped into the void with a deluge of… well…snarky, disruptive, and highly distracting chatter. It was insubordinate and churlish. YHC don’t play, lukwalicuh?

    ——————————

    As a warm-up and prelude to the madness that would follow, we performed exercises with the Dora the Explorer theme song. As some may not be aware, a proper Dora typically moves in rounds of three, covering the upper body, moving down to the core, and finishing with the lower body (i.e. merkins, gas pumpers, and jump squats).

    So, we listened to the theme song, doing shoulder taps, and performing merkins on every “Dora.” Coyote sang along, perhaps even hitting some harmony. Or maybe it was Jackknife.

    Then we listened to the theme song again, this time doing flutter kicks with a gas pumper on every “Dora” (or maybe it was a reverse crunch…you’ll have to talk to Enron).

    Then we listened to the theme song AGAIN, holding Al Gore and jump squating on “Dora.” By this time, whichever 2.0 was singing along had stopped, unamused by the three minutes of their life he would never get back.

    Adequately warmed up, we partnered up (Cardinal chose YHC. He chose poorly.), one set of bricks per pair, and moseyed to the main field.

    ——————————–

    How It Went – DORA 1 2 3 with Bricks

    Fresh off the 9,000-merkin morning from Enron the Thursday prior, pecs were still hungover. As such, nothing like a little hair of the dog to get you right. The Dora 1 2 3 went as follows:

    100 Shoulder tap merkins

    – P1 lunge 25 yards to cone, each lunge, pumping opposite arm (think Mario lunging) WITH bricks; nur back
    – P2 – Shoulder tap merkins
    – Flapjack
    —-

    200 V-ups

    – P1 lunge 25 yards to cone, each lunge, completing butterflies (both arms) WITH bricks; nur back
    – P2 – V-ups
    – Flapjack
    —-

    300 Jump Squats

    – P1 lunge 25 yards to cone; each lunge shoulder pressing (both arms) WITH bricks, nur back
    – P2 – Jump squats
    – Flapjack
    —

    YHC grossly underestimated the time it would take to complete the thang, pondering the possibility of cutting it short. The lunges sucked so much that YHC was desperate to get back to the actual exercises. YHC writes this blast, both legs are in full spasm.

    However, somewhere in the midst of the jump squats, I looked at the PAX grinding, then YHC almost yakked.

    America’s Best and Lil’ Cuz, through their shenanigans were tearing the circuit up and were the first pair to finish. YHC also noted our FNG on the far flank, keeping up with El Papa. In between YHC’s dry heaves, I thought about the circle of life, watching a 55-year old grind out reps with a man 40 years his younger. Awesome F3 moment.

    With substantial completion by the PAX, YHC finally called for recovery. With time not on my side, YHC chose to forgo the workout to Brick House by the Commodores (stolen from an Enron beatdown last year) and move into the next, albeit truncated thang.

    —————————–

    Lazy Doras

    The Lazy Dora typically includes the same 1, 2, 3 format, but instead of one partner transporting as the timer, he stays and does another exercise (i.e. chilcutt peter parkers). Partner 1 becomes the timer, completing reps. For 100, 10 reps, flapjack; for 200, 20 reps, flapjack, and so on. Alas, we only had time for the first round.

    YHC added in a ‘buy-in’, in which partners took turns giving a piggyback 25 yards and back to start. Then,
    – P1 – Bonnie Blair’s WITH bricks (2:1) x10 reps
    – P2 – Chilcutt peter parkers until P1 completed the 10 reps
    – Flapjack

    ————————————

    Bridge of Hate

    Having cut the Lazy Dora short by two rounds, YHC asked the PAX for two things. To do as he said and not to ask any questions. And yes, America’s Best and Lil’ Cuz BOTH proceeded to ask their own questions. It’s really something.

    The bridge of hate is the inverted tunnel of love. The pax forms a line by laying on their back shoulder to shoulder. One pax will then be lifted and passed down the line of the pax that are laying on the ground. When the pax that was being passed down the line gets to the front he lays next to the last man and the man at the rear of the line then gets passed down, so forth and so on.

    This proved to be perhaps the hardest and most hilarious F3 experience for YHC to date. Personally, I couldn’t stop laughing, continually being a weak link in the PAX chain as men were passed down the line.

    Popeye started us off and with no reference for best practices, kinda just rolled (literally) through the struggling hands trying to keep him in the air. It was also a bold move exposing his front side only weeks after his hernia procedure. True to form, Pop just smirked as he watched us mere mortals struggle.

    After that, men got the hang of it – lie on the back, stiff as a board. It was here that one could really appreciate the firmness of butt cheeks that only ultra marathon training can provide. Pope was just a joy as noted by Pop and Maneater. We finished the line with the 2.0’s, which was equally amusing.

    ————————————–

    Moseyed back to the flag. FNG naming. ‘Ol Denim ‘Dick’ Naquin became [Mom Jeans] per the workout attire mentioned earlier. A firecracker of positivity and badassery, we hope to see a lot more of the Canadian tuxedo.

    Interesting and fun fact…Mom Jeans is a cousin of Prius. This is worth noting because several PAX are currently re-EH’ing Prius to join us. Looking forward to having both cousins next week.

    COT and Maneater prayed us out. We finished the morning with a Coffeteria.

    Thank you, Men, for grinding out with me. To lean into ‘the suck’, then find yourself laughing till your jaw muscles hurt is a real gift that cannot be manufactured in many other settings. All of that followed by sharing a warm cup on a cold morning makes this whole ridiculous thing worthwhile. If that ain’t a God thang, I don’t know what is.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • What’s an ARK? – F3 Greenwood – from Enron

    YHC has been struggling with a cold/cough this past month so preparations for a Q were limited. Not calling out a certain PCP though… Anyways, some digging into record books was needed to pull out something that would be worthwhile for the PAX’s never-ending desire for pain. F3 Greenwood and their IPC have always seemed to have the ticket to putting things at a level that seems achievable on paper but once in action seems worthwhile to have stayed home. After researching backblast the plan was settled. The hype was sent out and on we went.

    10 PAX showed up to the den ready to roll.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, Windmills, IW, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, MC, Self-Love, Mosey around the Civic center.

    The Thang:
    Noah was told by God to build an Ark. To do this, Noah had to pick out the right trees and cut them down.

    Gathering Lumber
    3 rounds
    1 minute Al Gore (Tree Hugger) – These minute(s) seemed to get longer and longer as we went. Paradox’s chatter could be heard from the other end of the line.
    10 Chopping Wood Lunges
    Once the lumber was gathered, Noah started building the Ark. God directed Noah to build the Ark to very specific dimensions (300 cubits by 30 cubits by 50 cubits).

    Building the A.R.K.
    Alternating Shoulder Taps Merkins x 300
    Reverse Crunches x 30 (AB, these were not gas pumps despite what the remainder of the PAX had to say about the air down on the other end of the field)
    Karaoke x 50
    The pax partnered up to build the Ark. Pax 1 drops to the plank position and starts Alternating shoulder tap Merkins. Pax #2 Mosey 50 yards and drops to do 30 reverse crunches then Karaoke back and swap out.

    In Genesis 7:8, the Ark has been built so the animals start coming in by twos for Noah to load onto the boat.

    Animals 2 by 2
    AMRAP until time is called.
    Start with 2 reps for each station and add 2 each time you move to the next station.
    4 Stations
    Station 1 – Crunchy Frog
    Station 2 – Monkey Humpers
    Station 3 – Dolphin Hops – Yes, Dolphins on a boat, it makes sense because they were hopping
    Station 4 – Penguins
    PAX choice to, Bear Crawl, Crab walk, or Duck walk between Stations.
    “Recover” called at 6:00

    Announcements for the upcoming Run Cajun Run event in February as well as the upcoming ACTs retreat.
    COT and Piccadilly prayed us out. Excellent work on a tough beatdown from F3 Greenwood.

    Till next time,
    Enron

  • 12 Glorious Days – from Goose

    It was a chilly morning, and YHC was still filled with the Christmas spirit on this sixth day of Christmas. There may have only been one Goose-a-laying, but there were 16 PAX who gathered late in the gloom, including a brave FNG and his 2.0.

    After the disclaimer, warmups were quiet as they typically are without Dox, though Enron bared the InVESTment early, giving hope to the thicker PAX that the zipper might be zippable after all. There was no short-changing on reps or exercises as YHC needed some serious motion-lotion after this PAST week’s Dox/YJ leg destruction combo.

    All grabbed coupons and Duke grabbed YJ’s Goose-Grinch head-on-a-stick and we headed to The Chimney, which is always much farther than it should be. The head was planted in the permafrost with much effort and YHC revealed the theme: the 12 Days of Christmas/Fitmas, to be performed in traditional F3 style. YHC tried to focus on the great gift of getting to really dig into Christmas for an entire two weeks, but most of the PAX just heard “ascending ladder of ridiculousness”.

    The routine went like this: YHC would reveal the exercise of each ascending day and write it on the back of the Goose-Grinch head (couldn’t find the marker board or anything that would stand up in an open field). Each new day’s exercise would then be added to the previous in ascending ladder style. This meant we started with Day 1, then did Day 2 and Day 1, all the way until Day 12 through Day 1 (or almost). Here’s the list of exercises:
    1 Bear crawl to the chimney (about 20 yards, sung by all the PAX in unison with gusto, or maybe just Duke and Jack-knife)
    2 Diamond Merkins
    3 Jump Squats
    4 WW3 Situps
    5 8-count Manmakers
    6 Freddys Mercurying (4-count)
    7 Triceps extending
    8 coupons curling
    9 Bonnies Blairing
    10 Peter Parkers Merkining
    11 J-Lo’s hipping
    12’s (a set of 12’s with burpees at the head and genuflections at the chimney; run there, nur back)

    Even before the 12’s were introduced, one of the PAX, who shall remain nameless, suggested that the 9th day should be changed to “9 legs kicking Goose’s crotch”, and though Duke tried to comply, the Bonnies continued Blairing and order was restored.

    There was one incident wherein YJ, the ever-vigilant form policeman/expert, concerned for the health and joint strain potential of the clydesdales on the far side of the group, came over and joined them to watch to see if there speed was a result of poor form. Turns out, it wasn’t, and he finished that set faster than he had originally thought possible because he was keeping up with the guys around him. Another proof of the strange psycho-physical dymamics at work in the mind of man and further confirmation of the massive value of F3. YJ quickly took up his former position after that set.

    YHC’s singing of the entire list after announcing each new day’s “gift” gave the PAX a solid break between sets, and so it wasn’t until the 12th Day was revealed that mutiny again threatened to prevail. A rousing speech about squeezing every last drop of Christmas wonder out the season up to the very last minute of the 12th day was heard by the PAX as, “Here’s something really stupid since you’re already worn out and hoping it was almost over.” Anger and scheming were brewing as YHC explained that the 12th day would be a set of 12’s including burpees and genuflections. Thankfully, concern for the health of the fading FNG diverted their attention long enough for YHC to shout “On your own, begin!” And, they did. Incredibly, they did. And they didn’t stop until YHC had to call it for time.

    Encouraging words were given by many to the FNG as we gathered our coupons and layers of winter clothing for the long mosey back to the flag. The last minute was filled with a high plank before count-off, name-off and FNG naming ceremony. Dean Roy (10) was named jack-knife due to his cache of pocket knives and other weapons, and Daryl Roy (38) was named Maneater despite the many interesting facts and unique traits that he shared. His first name, Daryl, is shared with Daryl Hall of Hall and Oates, the duo who sing “Maneater”, and, most importantly, he winced at the suggestion, which solidified his new identity.

    Enron inVESTed YJ with The InVESTment for his foray into more challenging waters, even if for one set, and even if it was in an effort to try to blow the whistle on someone sacrificing form for speed. Motivation is motivation, I guess.

    Announcements: New Year’s Day is Monday, and a beatdown at The Stage is the perfect way to start 2024 (at the regular time!). It’s also a great day to start Exodus 90 with a solid number of this awesome PAX. For those still on the fence, the first meeting is Friday, 5:30am at St. Thomas if you want to check it out.

    Lil’ Cuz prayed us out, and the PAX basked for a while in the glory of shared suffering well earned. Grateful for such an awesome, hard-working, strong-hearted crew!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The ButtCracker by ThighKowsky , Act II: Revenge of the Fartlek – from Paradox

    One of YHCs favorite aspects of F3 is that every pax brings a different service to the table. For some it’s quiet strength , for others maybe it’s cutting edge Bluetooth technology. Physically there’s Clydesdales , Greyhounds , crabwalkers and some bodies held together by a patchwork of novenas. We have certified poets, storytellers and beatdown historians. Medical professionals, theologians, engineers, secretive government clearances, professors, …the list goes on.
    Personally speaking, YHC bears the heavy burden of being the cultural educator of our pax. As a byproduct of being raised at the epicenter of cultural awareness I am most useful in pronouncing Anglo Saxon terms like “cone” and explaining complex family dynamics like the “uncle cousin”.
    Thus it’s YHCs duty to stay vigilant when there are clear gaps in pax knowledge. It’s with this awareness and responsibility that YHC must present the annual review of the greatest of classical ballets.

    Today we complete Act II of …

    The BUTTCRACKER
    By ThighKowsky

    Duke!!! Take off that tutu and roll that beautiful beatdown footage!!

    6 sugar plums warriors fought through the Christmas calorie coma to post at Tuesday Tuff. YHC stirred the pot a bit by leaving JBL on the sidelines today. Every good coach knows you have to keep your best player motivated. YHCs 2.1 received a Bluetooth microphone for Christmas and it was barely out of the box before YHC had Lil Jon coursing through its veins. With a 10 page rental agreement signed , YHC was allowed to enlist it to help aid in today’s education.

    Warm up
    The usuals while we got mentally ready by listening to a completely random selection of unrelated classical music by a hot new SoundCloud artist Pyotr Tchaikovsky (no relation to the great ThighKowsky) Good stuff though, he should think about having ppl dance to it. Anyway…

    We left off last Decembers Act I in a cliff hanger. The evil Mouse King slain by the Nutcracker, He and Clara are whisked away through the snow forest to the land of the SweetGrass loop.

    Thang 1
    Around the World

    Daft Punk – “Around the World”
    Front Left Lunge , Front Right Lunge
    Side Lunge Right , Reverse Lunge Right, Reverse Lunge Left , Side lunge left
    **Attempt to stay in rhythm with the chorus
    Tin Soldiers during rest

    Goose gave us updates from the land of teenage 2.0s that techno is now called EDM. What a time to be alive!
    YHC pointed this out as a TECHNOcality…..Valve promptly threw up in his mouth then he made mental notes to check 2024 wellness center rates.

    Completely warm we headed for the Land Of SweetGrass Loop

    Indian Run to Back Corner lot
    Drop off 3 star jumps

    Da Main Thang

    We arrived at the back lot of SweetGrass loop and a glowing marker board full of treats held our gaze.
    It was here that the newest wearable trophy was presented to the pax.
    Due to the recent MIA reports of Animal and GiGi the need for a new badge of honor was evident.
    It’s been clear that it’s something worth inVESTigating but we could wait no longer. YHC had to convince the pax that your legs are worth inVESTing in and that today and so forth on all days this inVESTment would stand for a man that pushed passed the comfort of warm sleeves and into the wild blue yonder of shared suffering.
    A mere vest you say???
    No says I !!
    The inVESTment was hewn from the tender follicles of 1000 newborn Himalayan alpacas. It’s waterproof, sweat proof, fire proof and chatter proof. It will prevail through countless reps to the man that is pushing to max effort and it won’t sleep till it finds its next victor.

    The pax were now frothing at the mouth for some cardio so we got down to business .

    The idea was to gain treats as we traversed the SweetGrass Kingdom all while licking the air and tasting the delectable treats.

    Start at Corner Lot
    Add exercise each round
    (Billy Madison format)
    Fartlek 1/4 ish mile while you taste the air of the flatulent man in front of you
    Fartlek modes : Nur, Low gear (mosey) medium gear , high gear (sprint)

    The exercises…

    10 Goosies
    15 Apollo Onos (2:1)
    20 ballerina squats
    25 gorilla humpers (wide stance)
    30 Star Jumps

    The lactic acid cups over floweth and the pax pushed it to the limit. we narrowly missed completing every round but finished all 5 exercises in sequence in round 4.
    Suckle led the pack with Goose and Pope hard on his heels. YHC and Valve discussed the finer things in life and Cuz kept pace with dat dawgggg in his chest and the steam on his brow.

    Much fun was had and the complaint box at Site Q headquarters will be full with concerns about ballerina squats for a few weeks. Good luck with a reply.

    Indian Run back home as our dreams of sugar plums faded into jello pudding legs.

    COT HoneySuckle prayed us out.

    Announcements
    -Sign up for Run Cajun Run
    -“It’s Just a Mile” Feb 17
    -Get on da Q sheet
    -Exodus 90 around the corner , info meeting on Dec 28 if interested.
    -The Investment was awarded to Lil Cuz for consistent effort in the fartlek straight away. May he wear it well.

    Looking forward to pushing past comforts with you men in 2024 and helping to fulfill what God has planned for you this year.

    Thank you for the opportunity to lead

    Invest in the man next to you, you won’t regret it.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • How The Goose Stole PAXmas, Vol. 2 – from Yankee Joe

    Following the PAXville beatdown this morning, Goose and Popeye were discussing mental toughness. That point where you are up against the wall, begging for the pain to end…for someone to save you. Popeye commented, “Well, it’s got to end at some point.” Through the endorphins kicking and my legs destroyed by humping monkeys, I was reminded of a similar sentiment.

    In 2014, Admiral William H. McRaven, a Navy Seal, delivered a commencement speech at The University of Texas. No doubt, many of you are familiar with it. Adm. McRaven shared 10 lessons he learned from BUDS training, considered the most grueling trials the military has to offer. He shared these as advice to help the young graduates “change the world.” If you haven’t watched it, you should. The link is below.

    All of the lessons are relatable to civilian life, but it was #10 that most stood out to me. The lesson discussed a brass bell that hung in the center of the BUDS training facility, visible to all of the candidates.

    McRaven said, “All you have to do to quit is ring the bell.

    Ring the bell, and you no longer have to wake up at five o’clock.

    Ring the bell and you no longer have to be in the freezing cold swims.

    Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT, and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training.

    All you have to do is ring the bell to get out.

    If you want to change the world, DON’T EVER, EVER RING THE BELL.”


    ——————–

    Without hesitation, each of you, the Men of F3 Thibodaux, personify this idea. And perhaps none more than our stalwart Goose. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    When I started F3, it was about ME. I needed to get in shape. I needed an outlet. I needed to fit into my pants. I needed to make friends…like real adult, male friends.

    I needed…something.

    I believe Goose’s vision of F3 teaches us that those needs, while they may be important, only matter when they are pursued by virtue of servant leadership. As men, there can be no greater call than to love God through serving our families and our community.

    In this light, ‘never ringing the bell’ is not about working through our own pain, nor is it about serving our own needs. Rather, it is a decision to put our oxygen mask on first before assisting others.

    Our strength comes not from ‘Man Makers’, Goblet Squats, or Thrusters (well maybe for Wet Tap). By ringing the bell, we would give up on far more than just ourselves. The stakes are too high. It’s an awesome and terrifying charge.

    Of course, no man can do it alone, and that is where God and each of you come in. Every beatdown, every exercise, every rep, every prayer…I am surrounded by humble warriors who REFUSE to quit. Not for your own sakes, but for the call you CHOSE to answer.

    Goose, you are the definition of a servant leader. It would be impossible to describe the impact you have had on so many of us (cardboard cutouts of your likeness not excluded). Besides…your humility wouldn’t tolerate the praise anyway.

    Instead, I’ll just say, thank you. Thank you from all of us…for never, EVER ringing the bell.

    ——————–

    Last Stanzas from Today’s Story:

    “Maybe F3 doesn’t only come from beatdowns – or a backblast word.
    Maybe F3, just perhaps – means humility, servant leadership, striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    The side vents on Goose’s short shorts grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching men where they should stand, behind God and their family

    Though – from the HEART of the BayoU, he soon will move on

    In PAXville – the HEART of the Goose Q, we’ll still carry on.

    Merry Christmas!

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ——————–

    The Ridiculous Beatdown

    Warmarama

    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills) – Prancer is a terrible movie, btw.
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Shark hops
    Partners
    Mosey to baseball field, bring coupons

    ——————–

    Tribute to Anker (For Unto Us a Child Is Born – Handel)

    “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).

    Burpees on: Son, Child, Wonderful, Counselor, God, Father, Prince of Peace (approx. 43 burpees)

    Thang 1: Goose Training Camp

    – Narration #1 (this was far toooo long)

    Dora’s
    – P1 runs
    – P2 J’Lo’s, Plank Jacks, Mountain Climbers, chilcutt peter parkers
    – Flapjack
    – Four sets
    Mosey to playground

    Roof Crawling Practice
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 20 derkins; traverse the apparatus, go down the slide, mosey back to partner
    – P2 does Genuflects
    – Flapjack
    Mosey to PAXville

    ——————–

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville

    – Narration #2

    House 1 – “Smooth Like Honey(suckle)” Home of the Smoothie Sting
    – AMRAP
    – P1 Nur to cone, sprint back
    – P2 monkey humpers
    – MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk

    House 2 – “Dr. and Mr. Owens”
    – AMRAP
    – Man Makers
    – MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk

    House 3 – “St. Cardinal Co-Cathedral and Coffee Co.”
    – AMRAP
    – T – BOMBs (start in crab position, legs out together, legs apart, legs out together, back to crab position
    – MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk

    House 4 – “La Casa Drogas de Tana”
    – AMRAP
    – Pickleball volley
    – 2 burpees on every dropped ball

    House 5 – “EnRon We (Don’t) Trust”
    – AMRAP
    – Thrusters
    – MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk

    House 6 – “Eye Candy Captains, LLC” Safety First, America’s Worst
    – AMRAP
    – The Jurp (by 10’s) – bet you can’t do more than three
    – Speed squats, Merkins, Mtn Climbers, Jump squats, LBCs

    ——————–

    Thang 3: Back to the Goose cave

    – P2 rides P1, flapjack at halfway point
    – Return to start, P2 rides P1 like a donkey, flapjack at halfway point
    – Sprint to Goose cave (Peltch Treehouse)

    ——————–

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway

    – Narration #3
    – Sprint back to PAXville and Goose returns PAX gifts

    Goose returns presents to the Pax

    – F3 Thib – 4th Wave (Class of 2023) – Black paint coupons
    – F3 Thib – 3rd Wave – Black and Maroon coupons
    – F3 Thib 2nd Wave – Black, Gold, and/or Maroon Coupons
    OG’s – Black and White with Gold trim Coupons
    Goose – White, Black and Gold Coupon

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    ——————–

    How The Goose Stole PAXmas

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked PAXmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated PAXmas! The whole PAXmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Pope’s athletic prowess prolly the reason.

    It could be because Goose hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Dox’s Mudgear shorts, was three sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on PAXmas Eve ISI’ing just to spite us

    He stared down from the Stage with an indignant, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along Lafourche Bayou

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting stupid GIF’s and jammin’ to Bieber’s Mistletoe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife who’s a doctor
    Dox claims to be one too which shamefully mocks her.

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the bad cadence that he always be bringin’

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen

    Then there was Cardinal, whoop sales-man of the cloth
    But watch him fake burpees, his sins point to sloth
    But he’s a priest with no equal, becoming a Bishop is next
    But God help you, oh good Lawd help you if you send a green text.

    Wet Tap jump squatting with coupons, that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo – that Jurptober had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz, bald head shiny like the sea
    That neck like a tree trunk, like Treebeard with Gris Gris
    A patriot among patriots, you’ll oft hear him decree
    “This is ‘Merica, Jack…Yee Yee!”

    He reflected on Superfun(d) and his posts that were laggin’
    But Fun(d) redeemed himself fully, naming Jeaux’s Prius the Douche Wagon.

    In a similar way, Fence Post showed up in stints,
    But without any postin’, we’ll just call him ‘Fence’

    He hated the youngsters who thought they were wicked SMAAHHT
    But Shart-’eh got more than he bargained for…
    that time he tried to FAAHHT

    Goldilox with calves as big as your head
    He’s a really nice guy — all the PAX said
    But when the three bears tried to scare him out of the bed
    Lox made a rug out of Papa Bear instead.

    The Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.
    But woe to those who judge, you’ll make The Saturdiddle List
    Beware three inch running shorts with a mustache emerging from the mist.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and Tana’s subsequent pickles
    With falafels in the kitchen and the cross court dinkin’
    Piccadilly’s doing Pickle Pounders for his bio on LinkedIn

    Then there’s Safety Valve and Honeysuckle whose beatdowns we dread
    They both claim to love you then play Christopher Cross instead.
    With the nurring, burping, and merking, they leave us for dead
    Imagine a Suckle – Valve twofer —
    hey, that’s what she said.

    But what about Smooth, always working the night shift
    After pickle pounders with Kilmer, we thought he might drift
    Instead he’s founding AO’s, he’s def here to stay
    The tougher the challenge, the more you’ll hear….OhhhKAYYYY!

    Goose considered Popeye, an OG of OG’s
    Juicy like the chicken, played out like Drew Brees
    Post hernia operation, F3’s ‘Welcome Back Cotter’
    I’m sure whining about his scar, just like Harry Potter.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to always face the worst
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis that he constantly nursed
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    For two SV500’s, he picked Pukee Jeaux –
    he HAS to be cursed.
    Speaking of Yankee Jeaux and his phonetics so fine,
    Did you know LILLICK is actually pronounced LIL-ITCH
    Then Ronnie – SCHREIT NEIN!

    STOP—————————————————————————–

    Narration #2 Before Lazy Dora in Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” he snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is PAXmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    Then he said, “I must find a way to keep PAXmas from coming!”

    “For, tomorrow, I know that ALL the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to the Den.”

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts! But That I hate the most.”

    It wasn’t just the abysmal GIF game that rankled his chest
    But also the old fart snark from America’s Best.
    This dude rolled up to a PAX of F3
    WIth Dad jokes, an electric truck and, an alleged hurt knee
    Then he said, “Wait, wait there’s more –
    I LOVE an extraneous JurPEE.

    Not to be outdone, the reigning king of the “No Show”
    French Horn, apparently hornless, has no horn to blow.
    True, his 80’s knowledge is well beyond measure
    His ability to use ‘Bruhhhh’ in every sentence?
    Well that’s the real treasure.

    So the Goose sat there honking…

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! Chatter!”

    And the more the Goose thought of the Pax PAXmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,
    “Is it me or am I getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty-one years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop PAXmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, self righteous idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 PAXmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to kill that stupid [bleep] Whoop.”

    “What a great Goosey TRICK!” he mumbled with snarls
    I’ll do a Bleep Test…you know, like a…DICK-ENS – comma – Charles!”

    STOP ——————————————————–

    Narration #3 Redemption Arc

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up – up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like an addict on AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no PAXmas is coming!”

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how it will go.
    Shamefully hitting snooze one time, maybe mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to the flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no PAXmas, not even an AO.”

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Goose, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Goose put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound was NOT, no it was not getting madder!
    Why, this sound sounded joyful – it sounded like chatter!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well Lil’ John asked Paradox the same question,
    “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was posting for a PAXmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped PAXmas from coming! It came!
    After having ten kids, it came just the same!

    And the Goose, with his Goose feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    “It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, Kool Jobs, or pinched nutsacks!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t only come from beatdowns – or a backblast word.
    Maybe F3, just perhaps – means humility, servant leadership, striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    The side vents on Goose’s short shorts grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching men where they should stand, behind God and their family

    Though – from the HEART of the BayoU, he – soon – will – move – on

    In PAXville – the HEART of the Goose Q, we’ll – still – carry – on.

    A Very Merry Christmas to Everyone!

  • The Samson – from Smooth Operator

    The Samson

    Attendance

    Goose

    Pope

    Yankee Jeaux

    Paradox

    Goldilox

    Wet Tap

    Americas Best

    Honey Suckle

    Safety Valve

    FNG (Tana)

    Lil Cuz

    Cardinal

    Piccadilly

    Smooth Operator

    YHC started planning this beatdown pretty much the same way I normally do. I read through the list of Saint’s feast day, I look at what happen throughout history on this day, and I read the daily mass reading for that particular day. Well, this time the 1st reading for 12/19 really stuck out to me. Judges Chapter 13 the origin story of Samson, is what YHC read. Samson happens to be the name of one of the babies YHC and his M lost a couple months ago. So, this story hit me like a ton of bricks, and I quickly read the rest of the story. You see originally, I thought about taking it easy on the PAX since I had been out of pocket for a couple of weeks, but as soon as I read this, YHC relinquished control for what was going to happen.

    YHC was allowed to switch over from day shift to night shift, on the morning of this Tuesday Tough. I even slept in a little and got to the Stage around 0430 to unload a couple tires and mauls. As YHC sat anxiously awaiting the PAX. 0505 came around and YHC was nervous, but the PAX came through for me. We were 14 strong for a brisk 40-degree Tuesday Tough.

    Warmarama

    SSH

    Imperial Walkers

    Windmills

    Arm Circles

    Cherry Pickers

    Butt Kicks

    High Knees

    A few things from the story I found inspiration from were:

    – He was consecrated a Nazirite from birth by an angel. A Nazirite is someone who will not eat or drink from the vines or strong drink, will not cut his hair, and will not touch a dead body.

    – Samson killed a lion with his bare hands.

    – He killed 30 Philistines over a riddle he gambled on.

    – He killed 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of a donkey.

    – After he was captured and had his eyes gouged out by the Philistines he pulled down a Philistine temple and killed himself and a whole lot of Philistines that were there mocking him.

    – Samson had superhuman strength when the Spirit of the Lord came upon him and brought him to victory over the Philistines.

    With those things in mind lets jump back to the workout.

    Thang 1

    The Samson

    After picking up the speaker, our coupons, and a pair of rims from Wet Tap, the Pax moseyed down to the old coupon corner for this morning’s insanity. Due to Samson killing 1030 Philistines I figured this would be a good round number of reps for the PAX as a collective to shoot for. All the PAX lined up on the first crack and awaited instruction. 1030 was divided by the total number of PAX in attendance and 77 total reps was the amount each PAX would be required to do to move to the next exercise. The PAX whom finished first could either help the slower PAX get to their number or wait for the PAX to finish and do pickle pounders since this was the sin that lead to Samson’s demise. 2 lucky PAX would be allowed to beat on a tire with a maul with all their reps counting to our total 1030. This seemed to be lost in translation from YHC and PAX and the tires became additional coupons for the likes of Wet Tap and Pope who performed admirably this morning. The PAX seemed to be mildly annoyed by the number of reps but were willing to get after it, until YHC mentioned that the first exercise was Lion Killers (Thruster) due to Samson killing a lion with his bare hands. You could have sworn that I kicked Yankee Jeaux’s cup of coffee over and took Tana’s pickle ball paddle. This response quickly caused YHC to say go and that worked pretty well to calm the storm. YHC put on some slower than I remembered music to get us through the beatdown. YHC crossed 40 when the American Beast hit 77 and begged me to let him do some of my reps. YHC let the exercise go for a couple minutes longer and allowed a couple other guys to cross the 77 rep threshold before I pulled the plug to get to part 2 of the exercise.

    Part 2 of the exercise is or mode of transport to the next street crack. Our mode of transport was moving like and inch worm with a J Lo in the middle of it. YHC calls these Delilah’s. Basically you extend your brick out as far as you can, drop your elbows on your block, perform a J Lo, and then get your feet to the edge of your block and repeat until you go past the second asphalted line in the concrete. This seemed to be less troublesome to the PAX than part one. After this came Part 3.

    Part 3 was about remembering where we came from. This means we would be running suicides all the way back to our starting spot. The thoroughbreds really shined on this part. After part 3 we would be ready for exercise 2 part 1. Note part 2 and 3 are repeated for each exercise.

    On the start of exercise 2 everyone seemed to accept the fact that we would be trying to take on the impossible… Or so I thought. YHC announced the next exercise being 77 WW3 sit ups and the ever quiet always chill Safety Valve looked at me like I had pink eye. After hearing his concern and doing a couple reps I quickly realized by golly he was right. After checking on the leader’s rep count YHC dropped the number of reps down to 25 and 25 WW2 sit-ups because he is a gracious Q. After this we performed Part 2 and Part 3 in the same manner as before.

    Exercise 3 happened to be YHC’s favorite exercise and would tie nicely into the theme of this beatdown. Man makers with a donkey kick was on the agenda, but due to time restrictions YHC cut out the donkey kicks. The donkey kicks were in there because Samson, filled with the Spirit of the Lord, killed 1000 Philistines with a jawbone of a donkey. Once YHC announced the exercise Boss Man Goose had a safety briefing on how to do a correct man maker, which gave YHC a chance to catch some wind since it seemed to not want to stay in the lunges. After this, YHC experienced some tremendous feats, such as Pope and Wet Tap knocking out the reps with tires instead of coupons and Cardinal and Dilly pushing their bodies to the limit and giving 100% effort. All in all, a couple people reached 77 and we quickly moved into Part 2. Part 3 was cut out due to time, so we wasted no time in jumping into exercise 4.

    Exercise 4 was a spur of the moment decision, and it was a good one. Coupon swings were called out and we did coupon swings till 0600. After this we hustled back to the Stage to count off.

    Once at the Stage we counted off. Lil Cuz announced he was feeling very Samsonish which tells YHC that a Part 2 will be needed for this saga. During COT we talked about RunCajunRun coming up and Saturday, Yankee Joe and Tana are having rival Christmas Q’s. For more information contact Tana, and Yankee. After this Pope prayed us out. This beatdown for me was all about putting your trust in God to give you the strength to get through what seems to be impossible. Just like Samson, we need to turn to God and trust his plan. Either good or bad outcome, God will get us through.

    Thanks for coming along with me fellas

    SYITG,

    Smooth Operator

  • DIRTY PAX – from Yankee Joe

    As we near Christmas, you’ll find lost hooligan souls across the world celebrating the gift-giving game of White Elephant, sometimes referred to as Dirty Santa. The men of F3 Thibodaux are no less hooligans, and as such, seven PAX posted at the Den for our first Dirty Pax Exicon Gift Exchange.

    Cardinal, Goose, Pope, Lil’ Cuz, Goldilox, and Honeysuckle all deserved much worse than coal in their stockings. They needed the humility that can only be forged by cringe worthy Christmas songs.
    —————————————
    Warmarama
    The usual suspects with two Christmassy baubles tossed in…

    The Randy – from “A Christmas Story” when lilttle Randy’s coat was so big, he couldn’t move his arms – thus arms straight out to side, palms down, flapping 6 to 12 inches repeatedly.

    Tempo Jump Squats doing our best to mimic Santa jumping down and then up out of a chimney
    —————————————-
    Dirty PAX Setup

    – Pax in a circle with a pile of “gifts” in the middle. Each gift is an exercise.
    – Pax 1 chooses gift, reveals to PAX; PAX then completes exercise
    – Pax 2 chooses to steal Pax 1’s exercise or choose from the gift pile an so on
    – If a Pax gets his gift stolen, he needs to pick a new one, which the PAX then completes

    Rules:
    – Gifts can be stolen only twice before it is locked in
    – For each exercise, the PAX completes the chosen gift AMRAP for two minutes to a carefully curated musical stink bomb of YHC’s choice.

    Objective:
    – The gift/exercise you end up with is the exercise you will do AMRAP for the last five minutes of the beatdown. So, being strategic about which exercise you hold at the end is essential.

    NOTE: This did not happen. YHC was having too much fun with the (awful) playlist along with the ridiculousness of two-minute HIITs.

    Potential Gifts:

    burpees
    mtn climbers
    SSH
    gas pumpers
    J-Lo’s
    jump squats
    apollo ono’s
    high knee imperial walkers (for speed)
    shark hops – plank jack on each hop (3 per rep)
    25 yrd suicide ascending and descending
    hand release merkins
    25 yard bear crawl/crab walk back
    T-Bomb
    sweat angels
    The Bruce and the Cait
    Goosey’s
    hydraulic humpers
    sandstorm
    Jiminy Crickets
    star crunches

    =================================

    How It Went Down (in no particular order)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: The Bruce and The Cait (Merkin with one leg crossed over the other; switch legs at bottom of merkin)

    Song: “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber (nothing like serenading “shawty” on Christmas)

    *You will find further commentary at the end of the blast
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Hand Release Merkins

    Song: “Christmas In Hollis” by Run D.M.C.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Shark Hops (like a dolphin hop, but on each “hop” do a plank jack; the dolphin hop is dead)

    Song: “Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer” by Elmo and Patsy
    ——————————————–
    GIft: Goosey’s (bonnie blair into a jump squat; after the shark hops, these were especially miserable)

    Song: “What You Want for Christmas” by Quad City D.J.s (this is a real banger and should be on everyone’s Christmas playlist)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Sandstorm (full vertical, jump repeatedly with arms straight up)

    Song: As Lil’ Cuz and others pointed out, the song should have been Sandstorm by Darude, but alas, ‘tain’t the season. So, “Drummer Boy” by Justin Bieber and (wait for it) Busta Rhymes
    ——————————————–
    Gift: J-Lo’s

    Song: “Last Christmas” by Wham (a guilty pleasure of many, most notably, Montana)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: T-Bomb (crab position, shoot legs straight, feet together; then legs straight and spread, then feet back together and legs straight, then back to crab)

    Song: “¿Dónde Está Santa Claus?” By Augie Rios

    *This gift was intended to be the exercise of Cardinal’s dreams. It ended up being a nightmare for all of us.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Hydraulic Humpers (monkey humper, at the NADIR of the humper, double genuflect, then finish the humper)

    Song: “Holiday Road” by Lindsey Buckingham

    *There was initial debate between El Ganzo and YHC over the definition of ‘nadir’, however, Honeysuckle spoke his truth and the matter was settled. Then there was debate about the mechanics of the humper -again – from the head honko, which then opened the gates for the rest of the PAX to start honking.

    Once we started and achieved some sort of rhythm, the mechanics fell into place. These were brilliant…with the genuflects at the NADIR of the humper, your glutes and quads are engaged the entire time. The hydraulic humper brought us to the NADIR of the beatdown. I wasn’t sure we would recover. The nadir line is that we need to see these again.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Apollo Ono’s

    Song: “All I Really Want for Christmas” by Lil’ John feat. Kool Aid Man
    ——————————————–

    There was a last gift, but I can’t remember what it was. What’s important is that it was accompanied by the musical stylings of “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by NYSNC.

    YHC called off the torture (the exercises were kinda tough too) with three minutes remaining. To finish, the PAX did 25 yard suicides in increments of five, then once at the 25-yard mark, crab walk back to start.

    COT and Pope prayed us out.

    Though my timing was off a bit on this one, I couldn’t catch my breath from laughing so hard…well, that and the Goosey’s.

    ===========================

    A Quick Cup of Jeaux:

    I just assume the conversation between Bieber and his producers went like this:

    Producers: Hey Lil’ J, we were thinking…well…in consideration of the fact that you sing like a girl, and that you have blond streaks in your hair, and that you wear low hip, tapered, skinny jeans, and that you’re like 12 years old…

    Bieber: Guiltyyyyy!

    Producers: Yeahhh…Well, we’d like you to change some of your lyrics to stay more on brand.

    Bieber: Ummm…ok. Should I start lifting weights? Wear straight fit jeans?

    Producers: Soo yeah…actualy, we’d like you to replace the word “girl” in your songs with “shawty.”

    Bieber: Aww yeahhh…Hizzy to the yizzy!

    Producers: Also, any chance you’d be willing to drive a Prius?

  • PAX Turkana: A Thanksgiving Reforus – from Yankee Joe

    The following is a refurbished version of Thanksgiving 2022…

    A record seven PAX showed up at the Stage….wait…no that was from Thanksgiving last year. This year, 11 PAX posted at The Den, and that wasn’t even a record! I’m tellin’ ya…this year’s PAX draft class is legendary. Anyway, Thanksgiving is a holiday that often gets overshadowed. As such, in the chaos leading up to Christmas, we can forget to take a moment to be thankful.

    As my children adorably sang (sang is a strong word) Thanksgiving songs during their Pre-K performances last week, one verse stuck out to me:

    “I’m a little pilgrim on the run, here is my knife and here is my gun. When I go a-hunting, hear my shout- Deer and turkey better watch out!”

    I pondered about what the turkey thought about all this? I asked myself, who will speak for the Turkey? I’ll tell you who…the turkeys of F3 Thibodaux…oh and also one Goose. We would need to think like a turkey, sound like a turkey, move like a turkey, and fly like a turkey.

    Wait, can turkeys fly? We would find out together. You know what they say, “Turkeys of a feather Jurp off together.”

    “Nobody says that.”

    “Shut your pie hole, Duke and focus on the turducken.”
    —————————————-

    Warmarama with the regs, followed by a civic center mosey.

    Today, we’re all a bunch of turkeys. But I’m proud of that fact. There are haters everywhere. They say that we’re delicious. They mock us saying gobble gobble. Their kids trace their hands on construction paper and slap some feet on them and say, “Look mommy, I made a turkey.” Like it’s a genuine Turcasso. Sorry kid, your teacher found the turkey hand template online because she’s bored and hates her job. However, she’s pissed that you used so much freakin’ Elmer’s glue when all you need is a dot. Just a dot. It’s a googly eye for crying out loud. C’mon Tana.

    I could deal with all of this if it weren’t for the worst thing. They say we can’t fly. Bobby Joe, Jessie Pearl, and Popeye call us flightless birds. Flightless! Oh yeah, Bubba Sue, how the hell did I get up in this tree? Well, I say horsefeathers. They think they’re the cat’s pajamas, drinking all that giggle juice; They don’t know their onions. Until now, we’ve made a right pig’s ear of things. But that ends today. Today, we will show them a thing or two about a thing or two. We’re going to learn to fly.

    Welcome to Butterball Flight Academy.
    ——————————————–

    Lesson 1: Arm and Leg Warm-up
    To the tune of “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty, these parakeets did:

    – 1st verse – Shoulder taps; Refrain (or chorus? Asking for an optometrist friend) – Merkins
    – 2nd verse – Shoulder taps; Reforus – Mountain climbers
    – Bridge – chill
    – 3rd verse – squats; Extended reforus – Flying squirrels

    *YHC didn’t fully understand what a flying squirrel entailed. Thank goodness we had a G- oose to set us on the right path.
    ——————————————–

    Lesson 2: Coordination and flight training – Turkeys are not completely flightless and can fly in short bursts. To work on this facet of training, the flocked did:

    – Flying nuns with forward arm circles through lunges to sidewalk (approx. 20 yards)
    – Jump squats X25 (at this point, YHC was questioning his…well everything)
    – Mario punch skips back to start (apparently Geese just skip/run…weird)
    – Bonnie Blair’s x25 (yeah, Lil’ Cuz, 25:2)
    ———————————————

    Lesson 3: You Must Focus: Sometimes You Must Think Like a Crane, not a Turkey.
    To the tune of “You’re the Best” from Karate Kid (Part 1, of course), these flamingos did:

    – 1st verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 2nd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – Bridge – Speed Monkey humpers; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 3rd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks

    *By the end, it is impossible to describe whatever the hell any of us were doing. They weren’t crane kicks. BUT WAIT! Is that Ralph Macchio out there? No…it’s America’s Best! Oh how I wish we would’ve had someone recording his perfect form.
    —————————————–

    Intermission: You can only push a bunch of turkeys so far without giving them some reward. So, we took a break and like any good family thanksgiving, we had a pot-luck Mary session.

    – Dilly: Leg raises

    – Honeysuckle: Freddy Mercs

    – Lil’ Cuz: Dolphin Hops (like a real son of turkey, but he misses Paradox, so who can really blame him…I can.)

    – America’s Best: At first squats, but then someone (probably Lil’ Cuz) threw some shade about it not being an ab exercise, so AB, without missing a beat and putting on his Dad voice, said, “Ok fine. V-ups 3:1!” And we did 60.

    – Popeye: He pondered for a moment, then called a lap around the civic center. At this point, Goose suggested to YHC that the concept of Mary may have been woefully unexplained to the most recent draft class.

    – Wet Tap: Bird dawwwwwgs

    – Pope: American hammers

    *YHC had to cut the potluck short due to selective hearing. A note about MARY: There’s something about her. Abs in just seven minutes. NOT six, I said seven. Step into my office. You’re X@#$& FIRED. MARY is abs.
    ——————————————

    Lesson 4: We Fly!

    – Sprint to sidewalk with tucked wings, intermittently screeching “gobble, gobble.”
    – Nur sprint back with tucked wings, screeching “elbbog, elbbog.”
    – Repeato three times.
    ——————————————-

    Lesson 5: Stabilizers
    Our wings are curved, our tail feathers are straight up, our bones are dense. We are fluffy, not fat. As such, our last lesson dealt with an oft overlooked facet of turkey flight training…stabilizers.

    AND you’re all a bunch of soft, entitled turkeys. You don’t deserve to be comfortable…ever. You think I enjoyed hiding this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my tailfeathers…oh man…sorry. I get mixed up sometimes.

    To the tune of Gobble Gobble (by Matthew West…it’s a good one), these cockatoos engaged in a combination of elbow plank holds, J-Lo’s (low plank, alternate hips touching ground), and pickle pounders (low plank with hip thrust down and up).

    Together, the J-Lo’s and the Pickle Pounder are called the ARod. But for obvious reasons, this name is no longer appropriate. For the consideration of F3 Thibodaux, I offer the J-Lo Pickle Gobbler. It’ll catch on. (I wrote the same thing last year. It didn’t catch on.)

    – 1st verse – Elbow plank
    – Pickle pounders on “gobble”
    – Reforus – J-Lo’s
    – 2nd verse – Elbow plank
    – Pickle pounders on “gobble”
    – Extended Reforus – J-Lo’s
    ————————————————–

    Encore! Three minutes remaining
    YHC deliberated with great pains on which Karate Kid song to use for the Crane Kick lesson. It came down to “You’re the Best” and “Glory of Love.” The former won out by virtue of faster cadence.

    So, to the tune of “Glory of Love,” we held Mission Impossible plank for three minutes until time called at 6 am.

    COT and Piccadilly prayed us out. As always, I am thankful for F3, the men of the Thibodaux FLAX, and most of all the values that we share.

    SYITG and Gobble Gobble,

    Turkey Jeaux