F3 New Orleans

Tag: Lion’s Den

  • Running Against the Wind – from Paradox

    9 strong at the den on a crisp first day of February. A fine month for running. YHC had three objectives today: Unravel an 80s album cover mystery, Camouflage running with a point system and continue to honor the life of service lived by Bishop Dorsonville.
    The RCR hype train was at a full speed choo choo by Wednesday evening and now it was time to back up the chatter with some work.

    Duke! Its Run Cajun Run month
    Stop carb loading and roll the beautiful footage.

    Warmup
    SSH- IW- toy soldiers – AC both ways

    Noted that YHC, Valve and Ronnie were outnumberd 3-6 by the Built this Thibby enemy squadron today. With Honeysuckles 1000 mile stare after showing up on foot and Popeyes safety vest they are an intimidating bunch. Return of JV can only hope CVS runs out of knee braces and Metamucil soon. Cant wait to see how Darth Fartsack responds to this attack on his teammates.

    Continued warm up…

    YHC met Bishop Dorsonville at OLOPs this summer and along with sharing repeated jokes about Cardinals arm circles with him I was also drawn to how he made complete strangers comfortable with silly jokes. Still cracks me up thinking of it and that’s where we’ll begin this beatdown, with the power of humor to break the ice …or sore muscles.

    I’m not sure if you guys grew up with a single hilarious trigger word in your childhood. But for YHC if there was a single noun that turned YHC and his siblings into cackling hyenas it was “commode”. Even now as a semi grown man of 35 years it makes me giggle. I can’t really explain why but just the mention of it , especially by some older prim and proper family member in polite context would set off such a riot that only threatened bodily harm could contain us. So on Tuesday Tuff when Goose and Popeye convinced YHC that there was an actual band called Depeche Mode it triggered YHCs 8 year old brain into snickering all day that it sounded like a really really fancy French toilet. Which brings us to today’s extended warmup. YHC had a song ready and requested the Artist, # of band members and meaning of the aforementioned artist . Goose saw this one coming a mile away and was ready and waiting to help the pax take 30 seconds of pain away by guessing Depeche Mode ( before a single note played ), AB deducted another 30 by correctly guessing 4 original band members. No luck on finding the meaning of this mysterious phrase but I hope today as you sit upon your commode and think about it , that your bowel movement is neither fashionable nor hurried.

    – Depeche Mode
    “just can’t get enough “

    High Knees/Butt Kicks
    Burpee on “Get enough”

    We got enough.

    -The Thang

    With the knees high and and butts kicked we checked off objective #1.
    YHC now switched gears into our main run event. Several of us today would likely attend or honor the celebration of life for Bishop Dorsonville. Even in his short time here quite a few of our pax had interactions or bonds with him that will last a lifetime. In prayer and reflection two major points stuck out to me that I wanted to highlight. Both points deal with the unknown variables that God may ask us to accept in His will.
    Bishop couldn’t have known much about this little bayou community and even more unknown was how long he would be here. He dove into both with unrelenting service until he was called home.

    So to honor the act of service with unknown variables YHC built a run course with 4 options.
    The exercise at the station and the time of rounds would be a mystery.
    You can complete any station as many times as you want or not at all.

    The Stations:
    (Measured via strava)

    #1 1/8th mile – 1 point
    to top of reservoir and back – bearcrawl to top, 10 Bonnie Blair’s , bearcrawl to the bottom

    #2 1/4 mile – 1 lap around auditorium , at cone complete 10 no cheat merkins , run back

    #3 1/3 mile – to bball court
    15 star jumps at cone
    -cone flip option, 5 tries and if you land it you can skip the star jumps. Miss and you double the reps.

    #4 1/2 mile
    Far side of reservoir and complete the loop. 15 Jillian Michaels
    -optional dice roll to reduce your Reps or increase (5-30 on dice)

    Complete all 4 – (3 point bonus)

    YHC added distraction options at station 3-4 to highlight that even when Gods plan for us is clear there will always be other paths that look easy or even fruitful. Some may even utilize our natural talents and through prayer may be useful. I left it to the pax to choose wisely.

    Round 1 – Solo (12 minutes)
    – YHC loved watching AB and Goose pick the course apart. These guys are bloodhounds for the most efficient points in a game.
    – Several pax took the honorable path at completing all 4 distances but Jillian Michael was not a fan favorite.
    – In the end Pope got some after the whistle credit and edged out AB 19-16. Pope gave us a respectable 20 lunges and we thanked him.

    Round 2 – (10 min)
    split into teams but 1 pax must stay at home base doing SSH at all times (swaps out)

    -the secret was now out that station 3 was the best run for your money and both teams headed there in a wad of heavy breathing. The cone flipping didn’t get any easier and many star jumps were done .

    Team 2 was the victor 40-36 and doled out 10 tempo merkins.

    Thang Finale : 3 min 20 seconds
    Bob Seger – Against the wind

    YHC dialed up a little Bob Seger for some February run hype and after some discussion the pax decided correctly that it, just like awful British techno, had been released in 1980.
    Random Ab exercises on song with leg raise on “against the wind”

    Counting, Naming , Investing

    Valve passed along the investment to the cone flipping savant AB who , dare I say it, wore it in a hurried fashion!

    Announcement:

    RCR – Log your miles

    Swag is on link if you want to support the charities further.

    Feb 17 It’s Only a Mile

    Bunkhouse this Sunday
    Text me if you want in or would like to provide a side or rolls. (Serve 30-50)
    Leave from stage at 4:20
    Back by 6:30ish

    COT and Lox prayed us out

    Men, I’m grateful for the opportunity to lead you and to be strengthened by your own examples of service.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Not in This Life, Sucka! – from Yankee Joe

    “My brethren, consider it a cause of great joy whenever you endure various trials, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith will develop perseverance.4 And let perseverance complete its work so that you may become perfect and complete, and not be deficient in any respect.”

    James 1: 2-4
    ——————————–

    ‘Tis the season of resolutions. New year, new me. Keto diets and less sodas. Time to pass on the second helping of cake and put down the crack pipe.

    For men of faith, it is a season of renewed vigor in our relationship with God. It is a time for reflection, humility, and self denial. We are inclined to pause, take an account, and look up. Words like ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘vulnerability’ swirl around in our heads, desperately trying to make a connection with our hearts. It’s confusing, frustrating, infuriating, inspiring, exciting, terrifying…

    …at least that’s how YHC has been feeling. Perhaps an outlier, but doubtful.

    As such, heading into this Thursday’s Q at the Lion’s Den, YHC recalled an intriguing idea shared by Goose during the three-year F3 Thib manniversary. He shared that he prayed about his beatdown designs, letting the Lord lead…you know, about what might be best for a group of men… gathered in faith. Crazy, right?

    So, that’s what YHC did. What came was a glaring opportunity to share YHC’s struggles in his faith journey…something that required ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘vulnerability’. Interesting.

    ———————————

    The beatdown would consist of five rounds, taking the Pax through their own faith journey. The ultimate goal would be to sprint for10 minutes without a break at the end. However, before we could sprint, we needed to learn how to walk, jump, lunge, and crawl.

    As YHC neared completing the design, it was clear that there was a gap. Something was missing. After some more prayer, YHC realized that part of his struggle was…well…prayer.

    So, at the end of each round of the faith journey, YHC needed an exercise that would represent our struggle and growth in our prayer lives. But what? The Exicon offered nothing of substance. Maybe some ‘we’re not worthy’s’, but YHC didn’t want Goose to bring 20 coupons. Prayer pose in squat position? Nope, looked too much like a Buddha stance…like Paradox holding Al Gore.

    THEN, the answer was served up on a plate of spinach with a side of smirk and ‘be all you can be’ snark. Popeye quipped to Paradox that YHC’s Apolo Ohno form was unacceptable. Now, YHC is not an overly sensitive lad, but to publicly challenge another man’s form is a serious accusation and bears the burden of proof in a court of kangaroos.

    Yes, yes, ENRON. I hear you all the way in Mobile…the previous sentence may be the most hypocritical statement ever uttered in F3 Thibodaux. YHC has indeed been known to publicly challenge men about their form. But if it pleases this corrupt court, I offer the following evidence.

    Exhibit A: Montana’s AIR SQUATS (like standing geriatric monkey humpers)

    Exhibit B: Paradox’s MERKIN where his waist touches the ground with arms still fully extended (like ⅓ merkin, ⅓ pickle pounder, ⅓ cobra)

    Exhibit C: Enron’s JUMP ROPE (there is no description…it’s just uncanny)

    Exhibit D: Popeye’s BONNIE BLAIR’s (like a depressed MC Hammer shuffle after learning that Z Cavaricci’s went out of fashion)

    Exhibit E: Cardinal’s ARM CIRCLES just rotating at the elbow…no shoulders required

    Exhibit F: America’s Best’s THRUSTERS where the only thing he’s thrusting is Dave Matthews’ inexplicable existence into our ears. (It’s almost as bad as Dox’s entire catalog of music. Almost.)

    —————————————-

    Ok, so the Apolo Ohno. An Exicon favorite in tribute to the two-time Olympic gold medalist speed skater. YHC was mildly aware that he could put more effort into the exercise, perhaps getting lower to the ground, but it was more of a style choice. That said, after watching a few videos of Mr. Ohno’s form, closely studying the mechanics of his crossover cornering techniques, and asking around (for a friend, of course), the verdict was crystal clear.

    YHC’s form was off. I mean…WAY OFF. Like, Samsonite luggage way off. How did this happen? How did it come to this? Why didn’t anyone say anything before? Just like realizing for the first time that your endowment is only average size…at best, part of my world came tumbling down. A house of cards.

    Regardless, YHC now had his secondary theme to represent the morphing struggle of his prayer life.

    ———————————–
    How It Started

    As we moved through Warmarama, YHC included some Apolo Ohno’s as a teaser before the reveal. Here, it was immediately apparent that YHC’s form had NOT improved since watching the videos. I shushed Goose, pretending it was all part of the plan and we proceeded to the thang.

    The Thang

    For each round, the PAX would endure a stage of their faith journey interrupted by a different take on the Apolo Ohno. The versions were close, but a bit awkward…and though uncomfortable and hard, still somehow enriching.

    Round 1

    – Spider-Man crawl to cone
    – 25 That’s A No-hno – In honor of the No-No king, Nolan Ryan and a nod to landing seven uppercuts to Robin Ventura’s face: Apollo Ohno form on the side crossover, but mimicking the Nolan Ryan arm movements normally done in side plank.
    – Reverse Spider-Man back to start
    – Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax

    ————————————-

    So here we are. At this point, you have made a valiant effort. Excited to launch down a path of walking closer with God, you’ve managed to endure something rather difficult. Then it seems, you find yourself right back where you started.

    However, the question becomes, “Are you? Are you right back where you started?” For YHC, it often feels like running in circles or like taking two steps forward and 100 back. That said, regardless of where you are (physically, spiritually, psychologically), have you taken the time to reflect on where you’ve just been? Are you sure you haven’t grown? Learned? Armed with some shaky, hesitant confidence, you keep fighting the good fight. You might try to take on more though it may feel like sometimes your legs are being cut out from under you.

    Round 2

    – Boo boo bear crawl (three legged) with left leg up to cone
    – 25 Only Bo-noh’s – commemorating one of the greatest dual threats in history, Bo Jackson. Specifically, in memory of that time when he broke a bat over his head after striking out!
    Arms up on either side of head pulling down like breaking a bat over your head
    – Boo boo bear crawl with right leg back to start
    – Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax

    ————————————–

    Once again, you find yourself seemingly (and frustratingly) near where you started. You’ve suffered a bit more, limping along. This time, however, you are perhaps a bit more willing to pause and reflect. Maybe you acknowledge that you may not have to be in such a hurry. You’re starting to actually consider at a deeper level the concepts of ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘sacrifice’. The initial euphoria has started to ebb. You move forward, but with caution and A LOT more questions. As such, you take long, slow strides (with knees TOUCHING the ground, Popeye).

    Round 3

    – Flying nuns to cone
    – 25 Ronnie Oh Hell-nohs – In acknowledgement of Enron’s impeccable merkins form and impressive prowess…On either side of the crossover side step, drop down for a merkin (50 total merkins)
    – Reverse flying nun to start
    – Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax

    ——————————————–

    “And David danced before the Lord with all his might…” 2 Samuel 6:14

    At this point, you only thought your journey had been difficult. The last experience was a wake-up call: It can get a lot tougher. It nearly killed you.

    Except, it didn’t kill you. Actually, as you reflect (more naturally now), you realize that it wasn’t that bad. Not only did you persevere, you feel stronger. What’s more is that you realize you might have even liked the struggle. Not from a sense of misguided martyrdom, but rather from a place of genuine humility. Whoa. What am I going to do now? It’s a new kind of scary. Perhaps there is a sense of empowerment derived not from pride, but from freedom. Real freedom. If you’re like YHC, you’re skeptical, you fight the urge to give in. This ‘surrender’ is even more terrifying when you realize you might be capable of letting go. Regardless, you’re fired up, but you don’t know how to run. Not yet. So you leap.

    “…the baby leaped in her womb…” Luke 1: 41

    Round 4

    – Broad jumps to cone
    – 25 Yankee Jeaux-noh’s – Jump squat in between each ohno for a total of 25 jump squats.
    – Crab walk back to start
    – Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax

    —————————————-

    “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

    Romans 5: 3-5

    It is time to stand up. You are ready to run, while thanking God for the gift of wisdom to know when you should crawl. And the courage to do so. You may realize that these trials were and will always be part of the journey. Like Job, you might start to look at the setbacks as a Grace. For YHC, the distractions are not borne from difficulty, but rather because I put those things first. What if…just what if I were to give God the first fruits? Give Him all of it?

    You’re ready to run. You can stop whenever you feel like it. Whenever you feel like you have no more room to grow and that you’ve arrived at the pinnacle of your existence.

    You can stop.

    BUTTTT…you’re a man! You need metrics. You track outcomes. You crave structure. You compete to reach a destination. It might occur to you that there IS NO destination. There is no finish line. There is no rest. Well…we are promised that there is…

    …but not in this life, Sucka.

    Round 5

    – Sprint to embankment (approx. 60 yards) and crawl up hill
    – Let Your Yes Be Yes and Your No Be No-hno’s – 25 Apolo Ohno’s…real, authentic, perfectly formed Apolo Ohno’s
    – Sprint back to start
    – Repeato until time is called (approx. 10 minutes)

    ——————————————

    COT, ANIMAL went to MOM JEANS, and Honeysuckle prayed us out.

    Final Thought

    As I was demonstrating the broad jump squats in Round 4, I snarkily warned against incorrect form. I showed what poor form looked like. Then, I attempted to demonstrate the correct form. I then proceeded to FULLY bust my backside and landed flat on my six.

    Humility is a moving target. Once you think you got it, it’s gone.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • I Want Candy – from Cardinal

    Isn’t it funny that you always want the thing you can’t have? YHC and a number of the PAX are in a period of not eating sweets, so to channel the newfound desire for anything with sugar, YHC dove into the exicon to see what sweet treats could be unearthed. After a little thought, a beatdown was born.

    Warmorama was almost the standard fare (IW, WM, AC, HK, BK, SL) except knowing what was coming next, SSH were skipped. This presented to be a real issue for a number of the PAX and was perhaps the most controversial part of the whole beatdown.

    All chatter was quickly silenced by the next thang – featuring the classic “I Want Candy” by Aaron Carter. The PAX would to SSH for the duration of the song, with a burpee on every time they hear “candy.” If you made it through the brutal marathon at the end, that’s 26 burpees in just over 3 minutes.

    After that, we moved into Double Apple Sauce, a 2-column Indian run where the last man in one line would run to the front of the other. This was met with varied success, looking beautifully choreographed at times and looking like a mob at other times.

    We ended at the baseball field, where the PAX were introduced to the Sugar Cookie. In the outfield, PAX did called Scuba Steve’s and leg raises, then sprinted to home plate to do 20 hand release merkins and 20 BBSU. Ideally, the dew from the grass would leave the PAX nicely coated like a sugar cookie. Alas, the moisture wasn’t there, but it was still a killer thang.

    We then DAS’d again to Aldi’s (possessive because that’s how you do it) parking lot for some Apple Turnover races – switching between bear crawl and crab walk. After that, round 2 was a Hot Apple Turnover – crawl bear and walk crabs. The PAX pushed and showed their prowess (or lack thereof) in each leg of the race.

    We moseyed back to the flag for 5 minutes of people’s choice MARY- which featured Dr. W’s and dolphin hops to no one’s surprise.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Mom Jeans bestowed the VEST upon Smooth for pushing harder than anyone, both on and off the court so to speak.

    Grateful to the PAX for letting me take them on a sweet journey! Till next time…

    -Cardinal

  • What’s an ARK? – F3 Greenwood – from Enron

    YHC has been struggling with a cold/cough this past month so preparations for a Q were limited. Not calling out a certain PCP though… Anyways, some digging into record books was needed to pull out something that would be worthwhile for the PAX’s never-ending desire for pain. F3 Greenwood and their IPC have always seemed to have the ticket to putting things at a level that seems achievable on paper but once in action seems worthwhile to have stayed home. After researching backblast the plan was settled. The hype was sent out and on we went.

    10 PAX showed up to the den ready to roll.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, Windmills, IW, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, MC, Self-Love, Mosey around the Civic center.

    The Thang:
    Noah was told by God to build an Ark. To do this, Noah had to pick out the right trees and cut them down.

    Gathering Lumber
    3 rounds
    1 minute Al Gore (Tree Hugger) – These minute(s) seemed to get longer and longer as we went. Paradox’s chatter could be heard from the other end of the line.
    10 Chopping Wood Lunges
    Once the lumber was gathered, Noah started building the Ark. God directed Noah to build the Ark to very specific dimensions (300 cubits by 30 cubits by 50 cubits).

    Building the A.R.K.
    Alternating Shoulder Taps Merkins x 300
    Reverse Crunches x 30 (AB, these were not gas pumps despite what the remainder of the PAX had to say about the air down on the other end of the field)
    Karaoke x 50
    The pax partnered up to build the Ark. Pax 1 drops to the plank position and starts Alternating shoulder tap Merkins. Pax #2 Mosey 50 yards and drops to do 30 reverse crunches then Karaoke back and swap out.

    In Genesis 7:8, the Ark has been built so the animals start coming in by twos for Noah to load onto the boat.

    Animals 2 by 2
    AMRAP until time is called.
    Start with 2 reps for each station and add 2 each time you move to the next station.
    4 Stations
    Station 1 – Crunchy Frog
    Station 2 – Monkey Humpers
    Station 3 – Dolphin Hops – Yes, Dolphins on a boat, it makes sense because they were hopping
    Station 4 – Penguins
    PAX choice to, Bear Crawl, Crab walk, or Duck walk between Stations.
    “Recover” called at 6:00

    Announcements for the upcoming Run Cajun Run event in February as well as the upcoming ACTs retreat.
    COT and Piccadilly prayed us out. Excellent work on a tough beatdown from F3 Greenwood.

    Till next time,
    Enron

  • Run, and let Die – from Honeysuckle

    On a chilly morning, YHC plus 14 or 15 HIMs convened at the Lion’s Den to raise the temperature of Thibodaux a few degrees. After a pre-beatdown site survey of the greater Warren J Harang Jr Municipal Auditorium area, YHC determined that most of the grassy area was too wet due to the previous day’s precipitation, which partially put a damper on some of the plans. At this point, a gravel road and an Aldi were willed into existence so that the beatdown could commence.

    Warmarama: SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Mountain Climbers, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Toy Soldiers, Willie Mays Hayes

    Don’t tell Goose, but it is indeed true that opportunities for on-the-clock stretching can be found in the Warmarama if one looks.

    Mosey to the playground

    The Thang:

    YHC explained that there is no point in trying to follow an America’s Best beatdown; no amount of creativity could compare. In fact, YHC was dealt a Paradox, YJ, Goose, Goose, America’s Best hand to follow, so why even bother. So to help out with the lack of detailed planning, the specifics of today would be a little random. The beatdown was based on a random waypoint concept, where six locations around the area were chosen as the waypoints. At each waypoint, some exercises would be done. The choice of which waypoint to go to would be determined by the roll of an allegedly fair die. The waypoints and exercises were as follows

    1: Lion statue (50 Moroccan Night Clubs 2:1)
    2: Gravel road near stop sign (50 Apollo Ohnos 2:1)
    3: Gravel road near exercise equipment (30 tempo squats)
    4: Gravel road near gate (25 LBCs + 25 Big boy situps)
    5: Playground (30 Derkins)
    6: Aldi parking lot near the broken glass (15 burpees)

    Transport between waypoints would be a faster-than-a-mosey run, except if a 1 is rolled in which case there would be a hard run to the Lion statue area. Another rule that did not need to be enacted today was that if the same number were rolled twice in a row, PAX do 10 burpees and roll again.

    The PAX spent a lot of time bouncing around between 4 and 2, so some good core and lower body work was done while getting to know the new gravel road well. Popeye questioned the fairness of the die, but surely the quality control department of Milton Bradley would not let a biased die be packaged as part of a Yahzee set.

    Finally, a 3-5-6-1 sequence was rolled, allowing the PAX to enjoy some change of pace with some squats, derkins, burpees, and Moroccan nightclubs. The visit to 6 also let the PAX get a close look at the Aldi parking lot. Interestingly, neither the gravel road (which appears to be an extension of N 10th street) nor the Aldi parking lot were planned to be a part of today’s beatdown, but as luck would have it, the conditions forced us there and they stole the show. I know Goldilox’s first choice was to give the vest to the gravel road.

    As there was still time left, of course a 4 was rolled so the PAX headed back to the yellow gate to work on their 4 packs. The beatdown would be finished via an administrative decision to hit waypoint 5 for 10 more derkins then sprint to 1. Apparently without the Moroccan nightclubs.

    Goldilox returned the vest to its original owner, Paradox, who as legend has it is thus now obligated to destroy it. If he can.

    Announcements revealed that Paradox has Saturday, followed by Smooth on Monday, and Pope on Tuesday. Also the buzz around Run Cajun Run is noticeably increasing.

    Yankee Joe prayed us out. Dox photoed us out.

    Thank you to the 14 or 15 Pax who showed up this morning. It is always one of the most enjoyable parts of my day to sweat and suffer alongside this group. Tclaps to Maneater and Jackknife for yet another post!

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • DIRTY PAX – from Yankee Joe

    As we near Christmas, you’ll find lost hooligan souls across the world celebrating the gift-giving game of White Elephant, sometimes referred to as Dirty Santa. The men of F3 Thibodaux are no less hooligans, and as such, seven PAX posted at the Den for our first Dirty Pax Exicon Gift Exchange.

    Cardinal, Goose, Pope, Lil’ Cuz, Goldilox, and Honeysuckle all deserved much worse than coal in their stockings. They needed the humility that can only be forged by cringe worthy Christmas songs.
    —————————————
    Warmarama
    The usual suspects with two Christmassy baubles tossed in…

    The Randy – from “A Christmas Story” when lilttle Randy’s coat was so big, he couldn’t move his arms – thus arms straight out to side, palms down, flapping 6 to 12 inches repeatedly.

    Tempo Jump Squats doing our best to mimic Santa jumping down and then up out of a chimney
    —————————————-
    Dirty PAX Setup

    – Pax in a circle with a pile of “gifts” in the middle. Each gift is an exercise.
    – Pax 1 chooses gift, reveals to PAX; PAX then completes exercise
    – Pax 2 chooses to steal Pax 1’s exercise or choose from the gift pile an so on
    – If a Pax gets his gift stolen, he needs to pick a new one, which the PAX then completes

    Rules:
    – Gifts can be stolen only twice before it is locked in
    – For each exercise, the PAX completes the chosen gift AMRAP for two minutes to a carefully curated musical stink bomb of YHC’s choice.

    Objective:
    – The gift/exercise you end up with is the exercise you will do AMRAP for the last five minutes of the beatdown. So, being strategic about which exercise you hold at the end is essential.

    NOTE: This did not happen. YHC was having too much fun with the (awful) playlist along with the ridiculousness of two-minute HIITs.

    Potential Gifts:

    burpees
    mtn climbers
    SSH
    gas pumpers
    J-Lo’s
    jump squats
    apollo ono’s
    high knee imperial walkers (for speed)
    shark hops – plank jack on each hop (3 per rep)
    25 yrd suicide ascending and descending
    hand release merkins
    25 yard bear crawl/crab walk back
    T-Bomb
    sweat angels
    The Bruce and the Cait
    Goosey’s
    hydraulic humpers
    sandstorm
    Jiminy Crickets
    star crunches

    =================================

    How It Went Down (in no particular order)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: The Bruce and The Cait (Merkin with one leg crossed over the other; switch legs at bottom of merkin)

    Song: “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber (nothing like serenading “shawty” on Christmas)

    *You will find further commentary at the end of the blast
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Hand Release Merkins

    Song: “Christmas In Hollis” by Run D.M.C.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Shark Hops (like a dolphin hop, but on each “hop” do a plank jack; the dolphin hop is dead)

    Song: “Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer” by Elmo and Patsy
    ——————————————–
    GIft: Goosey’s (bonnie blair into a jump squat; after the shark hops, these were especially miserable)

    Song: “What You Want for Christmas” by Quad City D.J.s (this is a real banger and should be on everyone’s Christmas playlist)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Sandstorm (full vertical, jump repeatedly with arms straight up)

    Song: As Lil’ Cuz and others pointed out, the song should have been Sandstorm by Darude, but alas, ‘tain’t the season. So, “Drummer Boy” by Justin Bieber and (wait for it) Busta Rhymes
    ——————————————–
    Gift: J-Lo’s

    Song: “Last Christmas” by Wham (a guilty pleasure of many, most notably, Montana)
    ——————————————–
    Gift: T-Bomb (crab position, shoot legs straight, feet together; then legs straight and spread, then feet back together and legs straight, then back to crab)

    Song: “¿Dónde Está Santa Claus?” By Augie Rios

    *This gift was intended to be the exercise of Cardinal’s dreams. It ended up being a nightmare for all of us.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Hydraulic Humpers (monkey humper, at the NADIR of the humper, double genuflect, then finish the humper)

    Song: “Holiday Road” by Lindsey Buckingham

    *There was initial debate between El Ganzo and YHC over the definition of ‘nadir’, however, Honeysuckle spoke his truth and the matter was settled. Then there was debate about the mechanics of the humper -again – from the head honko, which then opened the gates for the rest of the PAX to start honking.

    Once we started and achieved some sort of rhythm, the mechanics fell into place. These were brilliant…with the genuflects at the NADIR of the humper, your glutes and quads are engaged the entire time. The hydraulic humper brought us to the NADIR of the beatdown. I wasn’t sure we would recover. The nadir line is that we need to see these again.
    ——————————————–
    Gift: Apollo Ono’s

    Song: “All I Really Want for Christmas” by Lil’ John feat. Kool Aid Man
    ——————————————–

    There was a last gift, but I can’t remember what it was. What’s important is that it was accompanied by the musical stylings of “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by NYSNC.

    YHC called off the torture (the exercises were kinda tough too) with three minutes remaining. To finish, the PAX did 25 yard suicides in increments of five, then once at the 25-yard mark, crab walk back to start.

    COT and Pope prayed us out.

    Though my timing was off a bit on this one, I couldn’t catch my breath from laughing so hard…well, that and the Goosey’s.

    ===========================

    A Quick Cup of Jeaux:

    I just assume the conversation between Bieber and his producers went like this:

    Producers: Hey Lil’ J, we were thinking…well…in consideration of the fact that you sing like a girl, and that you have blond streaks in your hair, and that you wear low hip, tapered, skinny jeans, and that you’re like 12 years old…

    Bieber: Guiltyyyyy!

    Producers: Yeahhh…Well, we’d like you to change some of your lyrics to stay more on brand.

    Bieber: Ummm…ok. Should I start lifting weights? Wear straight fit jeans?

    Producers: Soo yeah…actualy, we’d like you to replace the word “girl” in your songs with “shawty.”

    Bieber: Aww yeahhh…Hizzy to the yizzy!

    Producers: Also, any chance you’d be willing to drive a Prius?

  • Abstravaganza – from Safety Valve

    It was a chilly morning at The Den. Seven of the PAX decided they were up for a little cold weather. Looking at the forecast, YHC knew we had to continue moving to stay warm. This, coupled with a Smooth request for an entire ab workout on the previous beatdown day, YHC came up with the following:

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    High knees
    Butt kicks
    Mountain climbers
    Arms circles forward and backward

    Thang 1

    6 rounds of Dora – partner 1 does exercise, partner 2 runs around civic center, then switch, before changing places each time partners have to do a buy in of 3 burpees.
    100 crunchy frogs
    200 Freddy mercs
    300 LBCs
    400 Penguins
    200 crunchy frogs
    300 Freddy mercs

    To be honest, YHC thought this would take longer than what it did. The PAC breezed through core work. So YHC just added more and more exercises until 10 minutes remained.

    Thang 2
    Burp Mlcleven = 11s with burpees and merkins. Brought us to the end of time perfectly, even though AB continued to want more and tried to convince the PAX there was still 14 minutes remaining.

    COT, announcements, prayer request, and pope prayed us out.

    YHC never misses a chance to grant a workout request from another member of the PAX. Thank you Smooth for the idea. Appreciate everyone for getting up and showing up. Always great to lead this group of men.

  • Exicon Top Cover – from Honeysuckle

    YHQ arrived early to test out the “mintron” speaker’s ability to broadcast from the Lion to the trees and was disappointed. Fortunately, several PAX arrived at that moment at the same time. YJ continues to impress with his parking skills. Significant amounts of calf stretching ensued. Valve arrived just in time for warmarama.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes, Imperial Walkers, Toy Soldiers, High Knees, Butt Kickers

    Thang 1:
    As this beatdown was coming together, the theme seemed to be YHC making slight modifications to some other beatdown or Thang that someone else did. So the theme today would be covers. A lot of time, the band doing the cover tries to get as close to the original as possible. But sometimes they make it their own, and this latter approach would guide our exercises today.

    First, since we do 6 minutes of Mary quite a bit, this was changed to be 15 minutes of Joseph. The Joseph in this case is Joseph Pilates, who put a lot of focus into the brain-muscle connection. For the exercises we’re used to, this is no big deal. But some movements, especially fine movements or new movements, we aren’t used to them and they can be a challenge.

    America’s Best previously mentioned that the “Hundred” was in the exicon, so YHC scrubbed the exicon to find other “official” F3 exercises that were similar to pilates exercises. Here is YHC’s mapping, which is the set of exercises done today:

    Exicon -> Pilates

    Hundred -> Hundred. On your six, pump arms up and down 100 times. Feet on the ground, abs engaged.

    WWI Situps -> Roll up

    Alphabet -> Leg circles. The first 13 letters done on the right leg, unless you are left handed. The second 13 letters done on the other leg. It was good to brush up on the alphabet also.

    Boat/Canoe -> Double leg stretch

    Bay city scissors -> Scissors (w/o side scissor)

    Criss-cross -> Freddy Mercurys

    Superman -> Superman

    Ab stretch -> Bottom of pickle pounder

    Cooler -> Side lying leg raises (w/o knee to chest). These were extra rough.

    ? -> Figure 4 stretch

    At this point it was noted by Yankee Joe that we really don’t do much stretching. Goose’s opinion was that stretching was supposed to be done on your own time, and that was that.

    Thang 2:
    YHC still regrets missing the Iron PAX challenge done at the track this year. So to sort of replicate it, the PAX were to do a Route 66 around the civic center. Exercises were to be done at the front and rear of the building. Starting at the front, one burpee, one squat, and one merkin were to be performed, then run to the back and do two of each exercise. Then run around to the front and do 3 of each exercise, and so on, until at the last stop 11 of each exercise are completed.

    We often wonder, how many [fill in exercise] did we do? With route 66, there are multiple ways to get this number.

    1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9+10+11 = 66

    Or

    (1+11) + (2+10) + (3+9) + (4+8) + (5+7) + 6 =
    12+12+12+12+12+6
    = 60 +6 = 66

    Or

    Sum of 1 to N is N*(N+1)/2, so for N=11 we have 11*12/2 = 11*6 = 66.

    Or

    Just make an inference as to why the exercise is named Route 66.

    During this exercise, we listened to several covers and also an original song that possibly has a more famous cover.

    Rolling Stones covering Route 66 (orig: Nat King Cole)

    Rascall Flatts covering Life is a Highway (orig: Tom Cochrane. Nod to Smooth’s Disney beatdown)

    Lenny Kravitz covering American Woman (orig: Guess Who)

    Bruce Springsteen singing Blinded By the Light (covered by Manfred Mann. Wrapped up like a douche?)

    Van Halen covering You Really Got Me (orig: the Kinks)

    Thang 3
    Just 3-4 minutes left, which was the perfect amount of time for some VO2 max work. Enron several months ago had a sequence that worked on this, so we were going to burn it out today. The exicon word is “Ciabatta” (hence the bread), known to everyone else as Tabata, which is a specific type of high intensity interval training (HIIT) in which you work for 20 seconds and rest for only 10 seconds. It provides most of the fitness benefits of cardio, without having to spend all that time doing cardio. According to google, the only negative of Tabata is that it isn’t much fun.

    PAX would sprint back and forth between the lion and the trees during the work period, and do whatever they felt like during the 10 seconds rest. Since minitron would not be loud enough for the PAX to hear the start/stop from everywhere on the course, YHC brought a whistle as a backup and this is what was used to demarcate start and stop. The PAX completed let’s call it 5 rounds of work before it was time to recover.

    As Goose and Pope had to leave early this morning, we counted 6 PAX. Yankee Joe prayed us out.

    YHC appreciates the PAX diving deep into the exicon today and dealing with YHC’s strange cadences at times. But we made it through. And YJ was not only able to pull into his parking spot, he was also able to pull out of his parking spot. No reverse required. No other PAX who drove today could say the same.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • PAX Turkana: A Thanksgiving Reforus – from Yankee Joe

    The following is a refurbished version of Thanksgiving 2022…

    A record seven PAX showed up at the Stage….wait…no that was from Thanksgiving last year. This year, 11 PAX posted at The Den, and that wasn’t even a record! I’m tellin’ ya…this year’s PAX draft class is legendary. Anyway, Thanksgiving is a holiday that often gets overshadowed. As such, in the chaos leading up to Christmas, we can forget to take a moment to be thankful.

    As my children adorably sang (sang is a strong word) Thanksgiving songs during their Pre-K performances last week, one verse stuck out to me:

    “I’m a little pilgrim on the run, here is my knife and here is my gun. When I go a-hunting, hear my shout- Deer and turkey better watch out!”

    I pondered about what the turkey thought about all this? I asked myself, who will speak for the Turkey? I’ll tell you who…the turkeys of F3 Thibodaux…oh and also one Goose. We would need to think like a turkey, sound like a turkey, move like a turkey, and fly like a turkey.

    Wait, can turkeys fly? We would find out together. You know what they say, “Turkeys of a feather Jurp off together.”

    “Nobody says that.”

    “Shut your pie hole, Duke and focus on the turducken.”
    —————————————-

    Warmarama with the regs, followed by a civic center mosey.

    Today, we’re all a bunch of turkeys. But I’m proud of that fact. There are haters everywhere. They say that we’re delicious. They mock us saying gobble gobble. Their kids trace their hands on construction paper and slap some feet on them and say, “Look mommy, I made a turkey.” Like it’s a genuine Turcasso. Sorry kid, your teacher found the turkey hand template online because she’s bored and hates her job. However, she’s pissed that you used so much freakin’ Elmer’s glue when all you need is a dot. Just a dot. It’s a googly eye for crying out loud. C’mon Tana.

    I could deal with all of this if it weren’t for the worst thing. They say we can’t fly. Bobby Joe, Jessie Pearl, and Popeye call us flightless birds. Flightless! Oh yeah, Bubba Sue, how the hell did I get up in this tree? Well, I say horsefeathers. They think they’re the cat’s pajamas, drinking all that giggle juice; They don’t know their onions. Until now, we’ve made a right pig’s ear of things. But that ends today. Today, we will show them a thing or two about a thing or two. We’re going to learn to fly.

    Welcome to Butterball Flight Academy.
    ——————————————–

    Lesson 1: Arm and Leg Warm-up
    To the tune of “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty, these parakeets did:

    – 1st verse – Shoulder taps; Refrain (or chorus? Asking for an optometrist friend) – Merkins
    – 2nd verse – Shoulder taps; Reforus – Mountain climbers
    – Bridge – chill
    – 3rd verse – squats; Extended reforus – Flying squirrels

    *YHC didn’t fully understand what a flying squirrel entailed. Thank goodness we had a G- oose to set us on the right path.
    ——————————————–

    Lesson 2: Coordination and flight training – Turkeys are not completely flightless and can fly in short bursts. To work on this facet of training, the flocked did:

    – Flying nuns with forward arm circles through lunges to sidewalk (approx. 20 yards)
    – Jump squats X25 (at this point, YHC was questioning his…well everything)
    – Mario punch skips back to start (apparently Geese just skip/run…weird)
    – Bonnie Blair’s x25 (yeah, Lil’ Cuz, 25:2)
    ———————————————

    Lesson 3: You Must Focus: Sometimes You Must Think Like a Crane, not a Turkey.
    To the tune of “You’re the Best” from Karate Kid (Part 1, of course), these flamingos did:

    – 1st verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 2nd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – Bridge – Speed Monkey humpers; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 3rd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks

    *By the end, it is impossible to describe whatever the hell any of us were doing. They weren’t crane kicks. BUT WAIT! Is that Ralph Macchio out there? No…it’s America’s Best! Oh how I wish we would’ve had someone recording his perfect form.
    —————————————–

    Intermission: You can only push a bunch of turkeys so far without giving them some reward. So, we took a break and like any good family thanksgiving, we had a pot-luck Mary session.

    – Dilly: Leg raises

    – Honeysuckle: Freddy Mercs

    – Lil’ Cuz: Dolphin Hops (like a real son of turkey, but he misses Paradox, so who can really blame him…I can.)

    – America’s Best: At first squats, but then someone (probably Lil’ Cuz) threw some shade about it not being an ab exercise, so AB, without missing a beat and putting on his Dad voice, said, “Ok fine. V-ups 3:1!” And we did 60.

    – Popeye: He pondered for a moment, then called a lap around the civic center. At this point, Goose suggested to YHC that the concept of Mary may have been woefully unexplained to the most recent draft class.

    – Wet Tap: Bird dawwwwwgs

    – Pope: American hammers

    *YHC had to cut the potluck short due to selective hearing. A note about MARY: There’s something about her. Abs in just seven minutes. NOT six, I said seven. Step into my office. You’re X@#$& FIRED. MARY is abs.
    ——————————————

    Lesson 4: We Fly!

    – Sprint to sidewalk with tucked wings, intermittently screeching “gobble, gobble.”
    – Nur sprint back with tucked wings, screeching “elbbog, elbbog.”
    – Repeato three times.
    ——————————————-

    Lesson 5: Stabilizers
    Our wings are curved, our tail feathers are straight up, our bones are dense. We are fluffy, not fat. As such, our last lesson dealt with an oft overlooked facet of turkey flight training…stabilizers.

    AND you’re all a bunch of soft, entitled turkeys. You don’t deserve to be comfortable…ever. You think I enjoyed hiding this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my tailfeathers…oh man…sorry. I get mixed up sometimes.

    To the tune of Gobble Gobble (by Matthew West…it’s a good one), these cockatoos engaged in a combination of elbow plank holds, J-Lo’s (low plank, alternate hips touching ground), and pickle pounders (low plank with hip thrust down and up).

    Together, the J-Lo’s and the Pickle Pounder are called the ARod. But for obvious reasons, this name is no longer appropriate. For the consideration of F3 Thibodaux, I offer the J-Lo Pickle Gobbler. It’ll catch on. (I wrote the same thing last year. It didn’t catch on.)

    – 1st verse – Elbow plank
    – Pickle pounders on “gobble”
    – Reforus – J-Lo’s
    – 2nd verse – Elbow plank
    – Pickle pounders on “gobble”
    – Extended Reforus – J-Lo’s
    ————————————————–

    Encore! Three minutes remaining
    YHC deliberated with great pains on which Karate Kid song to use for the Crane Kick lesson. It came down to “You’re the Best” and “Glory of Love.” The former won out by virtue of faster cadence.

    So, to the tune of “Glory of Love,” we held Mission Impossible plank for three minutes until time called at 6 am.

    COT and Piccadilly prayed us out. As always, I am thankful for F3, the men of the Thibodaux FLAX, and most of all the values that we share.

    SYITG and Gobble Gobble,

    Turkey Jeaux

  • Diamonds are forever – from Safety Valve

    November tends to signify the start of the holidays for many. For others, it is the start of engagement season. A recent engagement had YHC reminiscing of his own 13 years ago. Most couples get engaged between November and February statistically. Today, we are celebrating the recent and upcoming engagements of our friends and family

    Warmaramma

    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Willie mays Hayes
    High knees
    Butt kicks
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles back
    Cherry pickers

    Thang 1
    The engagement starts with the awkward conversation with your future in laws. YHC recalls this time vividly in his own life. It was 2010. As YHC built up the courage to to discuss the engagement with the future in laws, he remembers getting a cramp in the gluteus maximus from the constant clinching of the cheeks. All YHC could do is sit down and try to not make a grimace while we discussed how their daughter pushes me to be a better person every day. In remembrance of that moment, leg day commenced.

    7 of diamonds – at each corner of the Diamond (basketball nets) the previous exercise was completed and the new one added. Once the four corners were completed we then went backwards and subtracted 7 reps from each exercise at each corner.
    7 burpees, then add
    14 jump squats, then add
    21 Bonnie Blair’s, then add
    28 American hammers

    Thang 2
    The next part of the engagement is the proposal and the ring. The rings exchanged signifies eternal love and never ending commitment. To remember this commitment we run circles around the civic center.
    4 laps around the civic center – after each lap, we stop and complete 15 Diamond merkins.

    Thang 3
    The last part of the engagement prior to tying the knot includes waiting for your bride to be to make every decision about wedding planning. So, we waited for each other to do burpees. Using the same Diamond formation from thang 1, the Pax completed the field of dreams on the basketball court. There were four groups – 15 burpees, amrap merkins, amrap LBCs, amrap squats. After the burpee group finishes, each group rotates to the next station.

    Made it back to the flag, CoT, announcements, and Popeye prayed us out.

    Thanks for waking up and showing up. Honor to lead this group today