F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • Down With Disease – from Yankee Joe

    Prologue

    YHC arrived at the Peltch at 5:30 am on Saturday morning. We often say it was in “The Gloom,” but this morning took it to a new place. As he rolled out the tractor trailer truck tire onto the little league infield, he couldn’t help but notice how dark…and still it was. No sound of birds, no cars, no breeze in the pines. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all spooked out, but it was still a bit eerie.

    As he started hammering in the staked signs with various exercises, a heavy fog started to roll in. Not a light misting, but legit fog…and it was legit rolling, he looked around and realized that the signs I had just put in all looked like graveyard markers. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all skittish, but man it was getting weird.

    After one last trip to the awesome, cool, masculine minivan to get BAPS, YHC started walking back to the field. It was then that he looked up and through the haze, saw a hearse sitting in the thunder dome. How had he not noticed it before? Now YHC isn’t one to get all freaked out, but damn this was all starting to get…well…something.

    YHC shook it off and with 20 minutes left before the beatdown, decided to hit the men’s room. As YHC entered the bathroom to see about a fudge pop, the lights flickered. C’mon Yankee…stop being so dramatic. While sitting on the silver torpedo shell, and coming to the realization that this would be an underwhelming dumpelstiltskin, the lights turned off…completely. No sound of the door which had squealing hinges. The lights were off, YHC in the dark, quarter loaf barely pinched.

    And then, out of the darkness, as if radiating inward from the walls, the still air cold as ice, I heard the breathy, chilling voice…it said…“BEWAREEEEEEE….He’s a cheater…doing three merkins at the bottom of a buuuurpeeeeeee doesn’t count as a burpee aaaaand threeeeeee merkinssssss.”

    Now YHC isn’t one to hammer a prairie dog back in the hole, but at this, I screamed like a pickleballer and ran out into the darkness to find the PAX.

    —————————–
    YHC was both thrilled and concerned to see what would eventually make up 19 PAX at the Peltch. The beatdown had been designed for 8 to 10 PAX based on recent attendance rates. Considering all of the whining, wailing, and gnashing of teeth about doing hard things, YHC just assumed Houma-Thibodaux would be flush in dutch ovens that morning. YHC was wrong. Real wrong. 14 of 20 BYITG participants showed with the Hunt for Red Jurptober repping 100% attendance. However, I’m sure if you look back at the records for Arthur Anderson, those folks showed up to work on a regular basis too. Apparently, immorality requires solidarity.

    With six 2.0’s including a Honeysuckle duo – WELCOME Yelnats and Ewok, YHC started getting excited about how the chaos would play out over the next hour.

    —————————-

    Warmarama
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Willy Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    The men headed to the first field by the Apparatus to knock out the three required Jurps. The crowd was so big that the grumbling sounded like if you packed 50 constipated walruses in a locker room shower playing Adele in the background. But we got through it. During the jump squat portion, I saw some very interesting form emerge. Also during that time, it came to light that Tana had betrayed YHC to Paradox during an ongoing investigation. Did you ever see What Lies Beneath? Well, it has nothing to do with this scenario.

    We moseyed over to the baseball field and for the remaining 30 minutes, jumped into the fray.

    ——————————
    The Setup

    *Field set up with six stations around center point.
    *Two stations set 15 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 20 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 30 yards from center.
    *Each station represents a different BYITG exercise.

    All PAX start in center, do 5 burpees then tire flip (tractor trailer size) or zombie crawl to 15 yard station, 5 burpees then bear crawl to 20 yard station, or 5 burpees and bear crawl to 30 yard station. For any station, do 20 reps of exercise associated with that station. Run back, do 5 burpees, then head to the next station of your choice. AMRAP until time.

    Rules:
    1) there cannot be more than TWO Pax at any given station at one time. If there are already two pax at your desired station after you finish your 5 burpees, you MUST immediately choose another station and bear crawl to it. NO loitering.

    2) You cannot do the same station twice in a row unless you are forced to go there for lack of options…see Rule 1.

    Stations (20 reps each):
    BBS (12 yards)
    V-up (12 yds)
    Merkins (20 yards)
    Bonnie’s (20 yds)
    Coupon curls (30 yds)
    Man makers (30 yds)
    —————————————
    Strategy (if you can call it that):

    The 12-yard stations were tempting because you could get to them quickly, knock out the relatively quick rep exercise and get back. That said, the tire flip or zombie crawl transport was hard and time consuming. The 20 yard stations were the money makers. Merkins, each worth a point, were quick reps and not excruciatingly far for a bear crawl. Bonnie’s on the other hand were far more time consuming IF you had good form. At 30 yards, the coupon curl was a trap. First, a 30 yard bear crawl straight up sucks, but to reward yourself with half-point curls for a station total of 10 points didn’t justify the time. The biggest ROI was from the man maker station at three points per rep.

    It was here that Montana outdid himself. WIth three men at the man maker station, Tana should have chosen another station. He didn’t, he began lunge walking slowly toward the man maker station with YHC loudly chastising him to turn around. Instead, he lunge walked all the way to the man-makers then headed to the coupon curl station and proceeded to do…MAN MAKERS. By this time, YHC was losing his mind. Like Bob Knight, YHC tossed his man making coupon, yelling in a high pitched voice that Tana wasn’t playing fair and calling him a doo doo head.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. We welcomed Yelnats and Ewok. The PAX got a real treat in seeing Dumbledore and family walk up. He got damn near a standing ovation. It was cool. Dumbledore, you are missed.

    All in all, the PAX earned a total of 10,000+ points. It was a wonky set up, but due to being in close proximity, the chatter was epic. I had a lot of fun. Thank you for the opportunity to lead.

    BYITG,

    Yankee Jerk

    And…stay from that Peltch bathroom. Here, there be monsters.

  • “But Wait, There’s More!” by America’s Best – from Yankee Joe

    There was once a time, before all of this handheld, on-demand streaming gluten-free wifi entertainment, a time when men were men, and Boyz II Men, and ABC, BBD (East Coast Family). In these grueling times, if one were to lie sleepless at night, the only solace was whatever happened to be on the TV… which was almost always the Infomercial. A late night beacon through the (brain) fog, the Infomercial beckons: “Give me your clumsy, your stupid, your flummoxed masses…”

    Smooth Operator was already on site as YHC pulled up this morning; this dude never fails to impress with his punctuality, commitment, and demeanor after working 12 hours. Also, in spite of being here first, he doesn’t steal anyone else’s parking spot. The brief parking spot controversy this morning was broken by a shadowy figure emerging from the gloom, cloaked both in darkness and a red hoodie. This was the signal- it was time to begin.

    Warmarama:
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Now, as the chatter rose, a confidential informant (we’ll just call him “Elliot”) murmurs an aside to YHC: when the PAX ups the chatter, it’s time to drop the hammer.

    And so began Warmarama++(AKA ”The Jurp Store Called and They’re Running out of You”):
    23 Tempo squats
    18 or so mtn climbers
    20 tempo merkins
    15 mtn climbers
    Then the rest of the Jurp on your own. (Somewhere around this time Hypotenuse appears, and YHC could go off on a tangent about that here… but we all know tangents never reference Hypotenuses.)

    With the first Jurp completed, it was time to mosey.

    The Thang:
    While actually planning a Thang of completely different proportions for this morning, YHC began to notice that certain Jurpaple exercises were actually contained within other more complicated maneuvers.
    And so, much like the hapless characters in the first half of most “how many times has this happened to you” infomercials, we would go about getting our Jurp points the hard way.

    Let me explain. No, there is too much… let me sum up:

    First, the Jurps. The Jurpee is the OG Granddaddy Longlegs of overdoing it. To this point, there was some sort of objection that “you actually get more points from Jurping than by just doing Burpees,” but luckily, YHC had the mental toughness to block that kind of positivity out. And the PAX completed the buy-in.

    21s (Curls): the bottom half of a curl 7 times, the top half of a curl 7 times, then 7 full curls. Lots of extraneous work for 7 curls. There was a bit of debate over whether ½ curl + ½ curl =1 curl. Ultimately, YHC used his executive “boat captain” power to declare only full curls are full curls. And thus, while a total of 56 additive curls were done, only 28 were scored. And there was much groaning (but not as much as there likely was after that hypotenuse joke).

    NUR one lap

    Breakdancer Merkins: “How many times has this happened to you? You’re trying to Merkin, then one arm shoots up in the air, while the opposite leg flails out in front of you?”
    Dox feigned ignorance, then took it to another level, breakdancing with Merkins in-between. YHC is pretty sure there was even a headspin in there. (Which may be why he blacked out during his performance and has no memory of it).

    Dying Cockroaches: Almost a V-up? Maybe half a V-up, and then another half? Also confusing because no two people do this exercise the same way. In fact, YHC (very awkwardly) demonstrated it, then performed it in a totally different fashion. Either way, you get zero points for whatever bastard child of a V-up this is.

    NUR! Another lap

    WWIII Situps: If you don’t hate these yet, you haven’t done enough of them. Please let YHC know.

    Goosies: Like the old saying goes: “If you wanna get some Bonnie Blair, sometimes you gotta cop a Squat for free.”

    —-End black-and-white portion of the infomercial—

    Thang 1.5 —Welcome to Oz— (the Colorized portion of the infomercial)

    Now it is time to do things the “Easy Way.” YHC offered a brief respite to recount a story… years ago, a friend, frustrated at the supermarket, was cursing at some avocados when suddenly she was approached by a strange woman. “Oh deary, calm yourself…. don’t you know about the ‘Easy Way’?”
    This was one of those seemingly innocuous statements that also sounds a lot like an invitation to join a cult. Other examples include “Come, Sit at the Welcome Table,” and “Free Men’s Workout.”

    For the remainder of the Thang, we will do only what is necessary to garner Jurp points (AKA the Easy Way)

    Now Run! Like normal human persons!

    Burpees! (some far-off mumbling again about total Burpee vs Jurpee efficiency, probably)
    Coupon Curls! YHC has to give credit to Enron for inspiring all the curls in this beatdown… he has done them in such large quantities YHC figured they might be a welcome break. YHC was wrong.

    RUN Again!

    Merkins! Regular ones, where you get points for exactly what you are doing.
    V-ups! Same!

    And, I’m sorry we are out of time.

    Animal was bestowed upon Yankee Joe.

    Dox prayed us out.

    Afterword: “High Impact Men” only begins to describe the members of this PAX. Hope you guys are as motivated by YHC as YHC is by you all. Honored to be a part of the PAX, and so thankful for those who said to YHC that fateful day, “Come, Sit at the Welcome Table”

    SYITG,
    AB

  • The Great British Beatdown – from Paradox

    “Everyone has a plan, till you get punched in the face by the iron fist of a 3 week old” YHC thought as he sent the mayday text to Goose at 5:10a “start the warm up then Jurp them boys and jurp them good!”
    Apparently newborn vomitus waits for no man and after some mischief was managed I put the Dox mobile into a hi 5th, ya hate to be late to a bake-off !!

    When the great creator of the Jurp (some circles only whisper his name as “the architect”) unveiled the Jurpee extra curriculars YHC thought they looked like a recipe’s ingredient list. I knew that could be used, but it sat in the “save for beatdown file” waiting for a spark. Stephen King says the creation of any good story starts with a cup (the content) and you just need to add a handle (the conflict/action) to carry it. When YHCs M reminded me of a fresh season of the Great British Baking Show I had just the Handle I needed. Ya see unlike more productive pandemic hobbies (Cardinal’s coffee roasting and Jeaux’s Peleton) YHC picked up this ultra addictive baking show. It had all the fine qualities YHC loves in a tV show. No plot, no characters to remember. Comedians hired to stir the pot. PLUS you can fall asleep in season 2 , wake up in season 7 and they are baking the same bread with the same quippy satire. No spoilers, no recap. Just pastry’s and focaccia and zero stress.
    Bliss

    In review : Cup plus handle plus prime time gloom= a bake off themed beatdown

    Duke! Get the bean footage!
    On your mark , get set , bake!

    Warmup –
    Completed by Goose as YHC performed burp cloth windmills and imperial wet diapers.

    The Signature Bake

    Dish : 2 pots of oven baked JurpeeLaya- Just add pax
    Serve fresh with a late Q.

    YHC rolled in hot after an agonizingly long ride behind a cane truck and picked up about 1.25 jurps in. This segwayed nicely into the explanation of the Jurpee as a classic signature bake. It’s familiar, repeatable, and you can present it with confidence even if Paul Hollywood says your jump sqats look stodgy and your leg raises are still raw in the center.

    The Technical Bake:

    Dish : The Paul HollyWebb

    Usually difficult with very little instructions involving complex ingredient ratios.
    Our bakers had to attempt a Paul Holliwebb bake that included a 1 mile run and some mixed Jack Webbs
    First at the port a jon for Bonnie Blair’s and Merkins.
    Increases by 1 and 2 till we finished with 6 Bonnie’s and 12 merkins
    (Total : 16 Bonnie’s , 30 merkins)

    There were zero complaints about the OctoberBest Merkin fest on Saturday
    German engineering at its best.

    Round 2
    V/ups / BBSU
    1 BBSU/2 BBSU till we got till 6 BBSU and 12
    (Total : 24 v ups ish
    (Memory is hazy here so please modify your numbers if that’s the truth in your heart)

    **at the time of this writing leg raises outside of a jurp will be put on trial by the Rienzi Inquisition.
    Goodness gracious , this ISI has more asterisks than the McGuire/Sosa homerun race ***

    Took it to Coupon Alley with a 3 burpee Indian Run on the way

    The ShowStopper

    The last bake of the show
    This one is everything you got
    All out , hammer down, no brakes.
    Which logically lead us to …

    The Diddle Death March ManMaker Mile brought to you by Betty Crocker

    Inspired by Diddles personal touch to close out a bd with nothing left but a puddle of pax.

    10 Manmakers
    Run to stage
    1 Burpees
    In Elevens format we decreases the manmakers and increased the burpees till time or death do us part.
    The plan was to make enough rounds to generate a mile but the pax were saved by the bell.
    In the great white tent of the British bake contestants are always up against the clock and todays bake was no different.
    Goose and Pope went pretty deep into the man makers and got Dox Hollywood handshakes.

    Smooth gets Star Baker for gutting out a heavy run Q and I think we hit 2.5 “Okays”

    Announcements
    Invigor8 Grant FB live event tomm 7pm

    Link will be on groupme

    COT and Popeye prayed us out

    Bulletin Board Material:
    Jurptown USA has formally changed its name to SmugVille City led by Mayor Goose.
    They sit on a mountain of points and dare a challenger to come and take the trophy.
    Do not let them go gently into the night !

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates :

    Have you ever seen someone and just for a split second it wasnt how you usually see them. I know you are thinking “dox put the shrooms down “ but hear me out. Like in a crowded airport when you unexpectedly see a family member or as you pass a loved one in traffic. Sometimes just for a microsecond your brain sees them as any other stranger would. Then almost instantaneously your brain catches up and the recognition kicks in. And in that microsecond window of time you go from “complete unknown variable” to filling in all the experiences you have had with the subject in question. Then you have special moment of grace realizing the connection.
    Well this morning while rocketing down 308 behind the aforementioned cane truck I was too absorbed to realize I was already parallel with the stage. The opposite lane was full of another 2 cane trucks (Tis the season) and then suddenly cleared. There in the gloom were 7 men suspended in perfect jurp squat unison. Pushing past their own pain to help sharpen the one next to them. I’d never seen it like that , from the outside. It was glorious. For just that blink of time I didn’t know what it was. Then I smiled, pulled in and jumped into the fray, filled with gratitude for these high impact fellows.

    A privilege to lead men

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Boot Scootin’ Goosies – from Paradox

    Theres one singular event that universally strikes fear in the hearts of men. A rite of passage complete with every potential fear being confronted. A desolate wasteland where fortune favors the bold and one misstep can leave you cemented into a hall of shame . You’ve all passed through it and been forged by the fires of ..the middle school dance.

    But there IS one tool at your disposal . One shining sword for the gangly awkward youth entangled in this hormonal warfare. You’ve all seen this familiar setup. It’s the 7th grade dance and opposite genders have receded to their corners in the dance floor. The air is heavy with axe body spray. If you were like YHC , you hoped the Hollister shirt and puca shell necklace were enough distraction to overcome a genetic lack of rhythm. The dj eyes the empty dance floor ,madly spinning tracks to light the fire and then he finds it …

    …The participation song!

    Cupid shuffle ..
    The locomotion ..
    Electric slide ..
    They all accomplish the same goal.

    Like a flame thrower to dry kindling one kid joins, then another and as long as you are following the instructions loosely there’s a certain freedom from severe judgement that allows the dancing to begin.

    These songs have saved countless male youths from the embarrassment of freestyle dancing and during my recent midnight baby burping sessions I uncovered this lucrative treasure trove of F3 enterpainment.

    So with the fresh Jurpee routine in mind and a few songs in my heart YHC made a stage comeback with 10 other high impact men. A crisp bayou fall met them in the gloom and the stage was set.
    Today we salute the participation song.

    Duke ! Dukeeee!!!!
    Hold these diapers and Roll the bean footage !

    Warmup
    Standard issue with Tana literally side straddle hopping across the circle. His verbal insubordination overflowing into interpretive dance as if he could preemptively feel todays theme. You can only hope to contain him at this point.

    Warmup Thang

    Jurpee Mile-ish

    Saddled up for the well warn path of the rich man loop mile with stops for a segmented jurpee. We helped some pax in the senior divisions remember where all the stops were and YHC dialed up all the classics with JBL cranked to the level of “HoA concerns”. The air was cool and mannnn I’ve missed you guys.

    (Tana keeping a Kenyan marathon pace, ya love to see it. The legendary transformation continues )

    We did :
    1- tempo sqats/20 groiners
    2- 20 merkins/20 groiners
    3- 20 jump sqats
    4- 20 LBC/leg raise

    Then grabbed come coupons for the :

    Main Thang a Lang

    4 songs to represent the transcendent nature of the participation songs across genres, live events, generations and continents.

    1. ) Boot scootin boogie
    2 Apollo ono plus 2 goosie on “ Boot scoot”
    Coupon “2 step” on duration of song.
    From now until eternity we will call them Boot Scootin Goosies and I can’t decide if that sounds more like a firework from Joe Dirt or a station for next years SV500.

    Trivia : what are the first names of brooks and Dunn?
    The pax had this one down cold even with YHCs brain glitches trying to find the word artist. Also from Shreveport just like Ronnie Lillich !

    Track refresh mosey

    2. Time for da hip hop- Tootsie Roll
    (Was really hoping for a Popeye post here. Have a feeling he’s done 9000 tootsie rolls )

    We did :
    Donkey kick on T roll
    Right Peter Parker
    Left Parker
    Slide – side reach
    Whoop plank Jack
    Trivia – Artist? : 69 boys (great jurpee team name )
    I had a feeling this would be right in America’s Bests wheelhouse. with some prompting he took a minute off the pain. Goose showed signs of the move itself and YHC fought the temptation to let him tootsie roll for 5 minutes while we did kraken burpees.

    3. Da community -YMCA

    Y styled windmills on song
    4 merkins on YMCA
    Jump squat on “young man”

    Fun fact: The original YMCA arm motions appeared on this popular musical show in 1979. (American bandstand)

    4. International- Gangnam style
    Coupon side shuffle
    Thruster on Gangnam style

    YHC introduced this one and had the desired response of crickets, wind, and Goose asking Enron if it was 6am yet. I’ve sorely missed that unique smell of fear and adrenaline.

    YJ correctly named psy as the artist then insisted someone be appointed as the oogler so we would be music video accurate. Unfortunately by this point all the pax had gone to the dark place that thrusters create after a month of IPC and his request faded into old man grumbles about deleted cells.

    So now you have the dance party fully rolling the only thing you have left to focus on is learning your partners rhythm and footwork.

    So we partnered up (1 thruple)
    For a Double Indian run with 3 partner hi 5 burpees to corner on Richmans loop till everyone had one round.
    Honeysuckle did honeysuckle things and set a sub7 pace while we watched in awe. I can’t tell if it’s sleep deprivation but I swear his legs blur like road runner in the ole Wiley Coyote bits.

    We finished with a thrilling rendition of Rah Rah JaBurpee. Tennis ball can only be advanced with feet. One burpee after kicking. Beautiful chaos ensued and we lost two good soldier tennis balls in the field. No clear winner from YHCs point of view but I saw Ronnie diving under a truck after a ball near the finish line so I’ll give an A for effort.
    Jeaux continued to run headlong into the distance. Said he just needed to think about a grown man not being able to work Google sheets.
    Folks in the Oaks say he’s still running…

    Count them up
    Name them off

    Announcements:

    T- claps to Hypotenuse for multiple posts and suffering through my lack of hand eye coordination.

    Honeysuckle VQ!!!
    Thursday at the Den
    Get your running shoes ladies!

    Invigor8 Grant next Tues 10/10 at 7pm (link below)
    Possible $10k is up for grabs to the St Vincent pharmacy.

    https://facebook.com/events/s/invigor8-live/1909647176102809/

    COT and YJ prayed us out

    Men I’ve been overwhelmed by the support y’all have shown my family during our new baby days. The baby/work/school/home routines are in a tornado of a transitions right now and we are just hanging in. Great to have y’all linking shields in support and prayer.

    Epilogue

    One jurpee
    Two jurpee
    Red jurpee
    Blue jurpee

    You can do it on a rope
    You can do it with a Pope
    You can try it with a Goose
    Or measure your hypotenuse
    Tana jurps on his strain quest
    Honeysuckles uses it as rest
    AB is jurping till hes fifty
    Ronnie’s jurping till his knees are shifty
    Bud light jurping, call it Dilly Dilly
    Poor jurp form, that’s really silly
    Jurptober is all about the basics
    Valvelines jurping till he needs lasix
    At a jurp party you’re never late
    Jeauxs been jurpin since 78!

    Jurp low jurp high
    Jurp loud jurp shy

    Jurp your best jurp along with another
    As iron sharpens iron, one sharpens his brother

    SYITG
    ParaDr Seuss

  • IPC: It’s Pure Crud, By Coyote – from Goose

    Today was the worst day of my life, I had to fly like a squirrel, I had to fight in World War 3, I couldn’t cheat with my Merkins, I had a fight with this jerk named Jillian Michaels, and every five minutes this voice came out of nowhere and told me to either Lunge walk, murder my bunny, or carry my rifle. It was a nightmare in the morning! If you sit down and get your popcorn, I’ll tell you the whole story….
     
                It was dark and crisp as YHC unloaded the killer material that YHC was forced to inflict on such innocent men!  After a few quick warmups, and YHC led the mosey to the field by Bayou Road. After a few brief introductions, we started the 45-minute timer of death. As we started, YHC looked around and saw that it was clear that some of the Pax would not make it through all this. But some of us managed to get to round two without the 5-minute timer interrupting our progress. YHC saw Yankee Joe and thought he was going to puke! A few even ripped their shirts off to beat the heat. Everyone hated the random voice that told us to walk in a really weird way. We were talking about the voice and how it didn’t compliment or encourage us until the very end, when it gave us a wimpy “Great job.” 
     
                In the end, we all survived, it was exhausting to even say our nicknames. We all loaded up the coupons, two smashed to pieces.
     
                And blam! That’s the story of how F3 Thibodaux survived the Execution of IPC, Week 1.

  • A Little Stitious by Safety Valve – from Goose

    It was a cloudy morning, overcast, 76 degrees Fahrenheit, 98% humidity from the rain the day before, when 11 members of the PAX showed up to the Stage to prove once again they are worthy. Bone thugs convinced an FNG to follow him along today and we were blessed to name a new face to the group. The St. John crew continues to impress with the show rate. Turt made a second appearance, even though Dox continues to tout the JBL is waterproof up to 6 ft and in all respects better than any other speaker available.

    Journal log 9/5/2023 – My observation of this group continues, though less intently today as YHC focused on leading these men through his first Q, the VQ they call it. The first few encounters for YHC’s documentary have been odd. They seem to use a completely different language and enjoy the workouts when they are tougher. Who uses cinder blocks (where does coupon even come from?) to workout? Even though odd, these men continue to show up week after week and seem to enjoy themselves. Is it the pain they enjoy? Do they enjoy sitting down on the toilet and getting up grunting because of the soreness? YHC is at his wits end trying to figure it out. Contemplating, YHC is reminded of another documentary-“The Office”. At first with “The Office”, YHC questioned the Michael Scott methods of leadership, the romance within the work place, and how many employees are needed for a small satellite office that sells only paper. But, as observations continued, YHC slowly saw how Michael Scott (who initially seemed unfit to lead an obese cat to a bowl of food) actually was one of the best leaders to get this mangy group of people to work together and actually enjoy selling paper of all things. As Scott said “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo”. Furthermore, the usual bad taste of dating someone in the workplace turned out to be the best love story since Romeo and Juliet. YHC was proved wrong and is determined to find out what makes this group of F3 men tick…

    Warmarama

    Side straddle hops
    Wind mills
    Imperial walkers
    Mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles back

    The thang
    1 mile run – 0.5 mosey with 0.5 Indian run to finish at the Bumper to grab coupons. During the first part of the mosey, the mind started to wonder. As we lined up for the Indian run at the halfway point, YHC wondered if he would be enough to lead this group of men. How will the PAX make it through workouts today without having the impressive form and determination of Paradiddle to gaze upon. But to my wondering eyes, we saw the brown locks of hair bouncing past us during his run to the front of the line to signify he made it and caught up during the warm up run. We were going to be ok. Diddle was with us.

    After the warm up run and a couple 10 counts The PAX were split into 4 groups of 2 and a single thruple for a continuous AMRAP – 25 minutes total, 5 minutes at each station. Since iron PAX week 0 was still fresh in the mind, the goal for today was to get a full body cardio workout without failing a single particular muscle group. The stations were as follows:

    The love story (who doesn’t love Jim and Pam) – catch me if you can – nur around track, other partner does 5 burpees and sprints to catch

    The warehouse – 15 Bobby Hurleys (squat to touch the ground then jumps up raising arms), 15 overhead presses, 15 deadlifts

    Parkour – leap frog your partner from one picnic table to the other, once there do 10 Jillian Michaels, rinse and repeat.

    The annex (because everyone hates Toby) – 10 man makers, 20 captain Thor’s, 10 thrusters

    The Stanley Hudson – 26 merkins (anything is possible if you want to leave work early for the day), 15 pretzel crunches left, 15 pretzel crunches right (because Stanley loves pretzel day)

    It wasn’t long after starting that we found out that “Parkour” was going to be the tough station, even though Toby in the Annex upset everyone. It’s never a good sign when the super group of Goose and Diddle ask if I’m keeping time because they were ready be done with the Parkour fun. Alas, they still had 1 minute to go as YHC peered at the timer. The chatter otherwise was kept to a minimum while the PAX grinded through each station. America’s Best was unlucky enough to have YHC be his partner again. Once again he continues to proved his name change to America’s beast as he nurred (nar?) around the track at lightening speed. If he was in “The Office” there would be no love story, Pam would have never caught up to him.

    After 25 minutes and each group visiting every station, time was called. We circled up and cloudy vision and foggy minds set in after the beat down as we prepared to name and bring the FNG to the PAX. The absence of Yankee Jeaux was felt as we missed his whimsical naming ability. In the end our FNG was fittingly named Hypotenuse, giving Enron a huge confidence boost as he bagged his first naming. Announcements were made, iron pax week 1 schedule was discussed, prayers were lifted, Dumbledore prayed us out.

    …In the end, I have finally figured out why people keep showing up week after week, day after day, and persuading other people they actually like in their personal lives to join them in the F3 brotherhood (aka cult). Because YHC is not the greatest with words and the poetic form of Yankee Jeaux and Goose was not inherited I’m going to quote one of our own. Cardinal once wrote:

    “Whenever I tell someone about F3, it’s usually something like ‘we exercise early and it usually sucks. But it’s some of the best men I’ve ever met in my life.’”

    The human body can only take so much alone, physically and mentally. It takes other good people around to push us to new heights. YHC will always have huge respect to every person in the PAX for that reason.

    Welcome hypotenuse! The workouts do suck, but you will get to know some great men and be a better person for it.

  • IronPax Week Zero – from Paradox

    You are gazing upon the happenings of Thibodaux, La on the morning of Sept 2 and there are many sights to behold. In the deep gloom near Peltier park several athletes push their bodies to the max in an annual event meant to find the limits of cardiovascular and psychological endurance. It comes every fall and like cool weather and Friday night football it signals the changing of seasons. That event is known as the ED White Cross Country meet.
    ….
    Now take your telescoping lens and scooch it over just a hair ..adjust the mean age by 17 years , sprinkle in wisdom and wrap it in grit and tenacity. Remove the cheering family and substitute with dual connect JBLs. There, there you are, just right. Now you have it.
    Can you see 15 pax surrounded by coupons and encircling the shovel flag prepared to face IPC week zero?

    IPC is finally here!!

    here’s how week zero took place on da bayou.

    Duke! Roll the footage and wake me up when September ends!

    Warmups
    After a week of prep with some finely tuned beatdowns, YHC wanted to add an extra layer of lather and injury protection before we put the pedal all the way to floor so we had round 1 of warmups at the flag with Seal Jacks , IW , Arm circles , CP, Self love , High knees , Butt kicks.
    The pax were loose and ready to dive in as we coupon moseyed to the ThunderDome for the main event.

    The Thang

    It’s taken YHC a few years to decode our QIC Gooses love language but most days I can translate it well. A few examples : “Your shorts are too short” really means “I’m shopping for shorter shorts tonight because they highlight your quads”. And “Those High Knee Arm circles are the dumbest thing in the known universe” really means “that’s an effective and thorough warmup Dox and I think you are swell”
    Of course this takes years of verbal battery to acquire but here I am better for it.
    So when YHC unveiled a 7 foot particle board sign with todays week zero instructions and Goose simply said “I wish it was taller” then I really knew he was saying “I’m overwhelmed by its magnificence and only a sonnet would suffice for praise”
    Fair enough my friend but I know how you really feel.
    YHC gave a quick rundown and we got to the work below:

    Start the timer
    Warmup
    13 reps
    SSH- IW-MC-ST-PJ

    800 meter run

    Then 85 Reps of each followed by 8 burpees after each round of :

    HR merkins
    BBSU
    Dips
    Goblet Squats
    Coupon OHP
    4 count flutter kicks
    KB swings

    800 meter run

    The Iron PaxCenter Top Plays
    Brought to you by CoolJabs :

    As most IPCs go when the whistle blows the vision tends to get hazy. Week zero was no exception and although YHC teetered somewhere between blurred vision and syncope for the duration these were the observations.

    -The pax got off to a nice start on the 800 meter with DiddleGoose (don’t google this ) upfront amd Pope as the pace car and the second wave of pax keeping a conservative pace just behind.

    – Turns out America’s Beast is an actual Virginian grizzly bear. Some think he began the transformation during Popes halo bear crawl of death. Whenever it was I’m here to tell you The BearMan was rolling with good form early with the HR merkins and YHC found inspiration in his intermittent bear grunts. If only we had a shirt for this occasion.
    – The 2.0s provided both stern form advice (Duke) and light hearted banter (Coyote) along with the watchful eye from our wagon EMT (Jack B Nimble)
    – Team JBL reassured the pax of high performance audio after a shaky week. Tuesday we were upstaged by a younger and more beautiful turtle box and Thursday JBL flip 6 (our brother formerly from OLOPs) provided some questionable connection. So Diddles JBL Burrito saved face and YHC did my best DJing to keep the pax spirits high. If some one doesn’t show up at my funeral and play Turn Down for What I’ll be a tad disappointed.
    – Dumbledore was performing coupon goblet squats so perfect and so deep I had to stop mid beatdown and write Crayola a letter via owl from the Hogwarts school of Glute and Quads. Well done Dore.
    – The goblet squats were a gut check for us all and it was no surprise they brought out Smooths best . He was hammering them 10 at a time and there was no quit as the Clydesdale awoke in him.
    – Great to have LOX back with us today! bringing in the summer magic and getting a good break from reading all those rich mohagney seminary books.
    – Gi Joe brought a steely performance amd YHC kept seeing him hit a wall, take a breath and break through to the next set. Well on his way to bring the fittest GI Doc in the state.
    – Overall this crew stood their ground through some ridiculously high reps and stayed in the fight till we hit 7:30 and circled up. T-claps indeed.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Grateful to lead men
    Keep hammering

    Moleskin :
    If you’ve attended 1 beatdown or really any social gathering you can usually find the guy in a group who has an internal pressure to hear his own voice. YHC was born with this affliction. So every year when IPC rolls around I find it a nice change of pace (if only brief) to work on battling the inner voice. The one that says 85 reps is stupid and that things are burning and here’s 9000 reasons you should stop. But 1 reason to keep going IS present and part of the iron sharpening process is looking over and seeing the guy next to you fighting that same battle. Each rep, each set, each week we sharpen each other a little more.
    Welcome to September men.

    See you in the Gloom
    Dox

  • St. John the Baptist/ Bearcrawl tag/ Oliver Anthony – from Smooth Operator

    8/29/23 St. John the Baptist/ Bearcrawl Tag/Oliver Anthony

    Attendance
    Goose
    Pope
    Enron
    Dumbledore
    Yankee Joe
    Honeysuckle
    Americas Best
    Safety Valve
    Tana
    Paradox
    Smooth Operator

    This morning YHC had some serious trouble getting out of bed. The only thing that kept me from sleeping till 0900 was my commitment to the HC and the idea of some shared suffering with friends.

    YHC arrived around 0505 on the heels of Paradox to find Enron and Dumbledore waiting on us. After a request for a music box in the group text fell unanswered, YHC just assumed Dox would have JBL on standby as usual. When Dox was confronted about JBL, you could have sworn he left one of his kids home unattended with the stove set to broil by his reaction. Dox started running straight to a groggy Yankee Joe whom had car pooled with AB and Honeysuckle to no avail. Finally, St. John’s place podna Safety Valve came through in the clutch and pulled out what appeared to be a lunch box out of the Platinum. After confirming this was indeed a speaker and not a PB and J sandwich holder, YHC saw the name on the front was turtle box. YHC has seen quite a few speakers that have graced the PAX with tunes throughout my 7 or 8 month tenure as a PAX member, none have jammed quite like the Turtle. The rest of the PAX pulled up and we started warmarama at 0516.

    Warmarama

    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Windmills
    Willie Mayes Hayes
    Arm Circles
    Cherry Pickers
    Mountain Climbers
    Pairing up for Thang 1
    Coupon curb mosey to pick up 1 coupon per pair

    Today is the Feast of the passion of St. John the Baptist. YHC was very short on my explanation of why we were doing the couple of exercise because of time constraints, but the main points of my research and reasoning behind this beat down were 3 things. John the Baptist was sent by God to make straight the road for Jesus Christ which we will touch on with thang #1. John the Baptist was also sent by God to preach repentance and spread the news of Jesus ministry, which we will touch on in thang #2. Thang #3 didn’t have much to do with John the Baptist, it had more to do with shared suffering and these songs have been very helpful for me while dealing with my recent hardships.

    Alright let’s get on with it.

    Thang #1
    Catch me if you can/ murder bunny version

    Thang one ties in with John the Baptist because we are going to literally make the path straight for our partners to run behind us by pounding the ground flat with coupons. We moseyed to the big field down the bayou from the stage. After finalizing our partnerships, YHC set out to explain Catch me if you can which I remembered really enjoying a Goat’s beatdown where this was involved. Basically partner 1 starts murder bunnying across the field toward white fence and back. Partner 2 will complete 5 goosees and then sprint to partner one and catch him. After this the partners will switch until they have completed 3 times from the street to the white fence. After this the Pax did the same exercise except we lunge walked instead of murder bunnyed and did 5 merkins instead of goosees. We completed 2 more street to white fence reps. The PAX did awesome on this exercise and shout out to Dumbledore taking care of his portion of the work and alot of mine. That dude is a beast and probably a future animal if the current owner of the animal shirt ever brings it back to a beatdown.

    Thang #2
    Bear crawl tag
    Earlier this summer, Tractor and I were outside playing tag. We had the sprinklers on, Jack be Nimble was running around spraying people down with a hose pipe. Miller was probably trying to find a new way to get hurt. Well YHC was tired of running after that little speedster tractor and we decided to try something new. Tag but on all fours. We did this for at least an hour and tractors stayed smiling for way longer than that. Then the wheels started turning and YHC knew he needed to work this one into a beat down. Alright back to reality, the rules for this one were relatively simple, we all
    Bear crawl, YHC would start out as IT. As I tagged people they would do 5 merkins and then be IT along with myself. We would continue on until 1 person was left standing. Then they would start the next game being it. Well due to time restraints we only played one game, but this one will make a comeback.

    Thang #3
    Musical beatdown.
    With a little over 15 minutes we had the perfect amount of time to get through the 3 songs I picked out for today. These songs were very helpful with YHC coping with the hardships I been experiencing lately and I really wanted to share them with the PAX.
    There has been a craze over a farmer from Virginia lately. He goes by Oliver Anthony and he sings some simple songs that have messages that are strong in character.

    The first song was titled Rich Man’s Gold.
    The PAX would be changing levels from mission impossible and high plank whenever there is a break in the lyrics. YHC stressed it was not important in getting all the lyrical breaks correct it was all about the effort.

    After this we moved on to the second song Rich men from Richmond. This song is what made Oliver Anthony popular. Contrary to popular belief, Oliver Anthony is not a conservative. He pretty much said he doesn’t like any politicians. On the second song we would be changing levels again in the breaks in the lyrics. We would be switching from deep squat, Al gore or mid level squat, to an athletic position. As the song went on, YHC ability to distinguish the breaks in the lyrics got worse and worse.

    The last song was a song from Larry Fleet, Where I find God. For this one we would be holding 6” and with ever break in the lyrics we would be doing a leg raise. 3/4 of the way through we hit 0600. The Pax seemed pretty content with this.

    After this we had COT. A few of us had problems counting off. Announcements revealed that Enron had the Q for Thursday at the Lion’s Den. We expressed intentions for all the PAX members whom M’s are pregnant and Safety Valve prayed us out.

    Thanks to all who showed up. Keep up the good work and thanks for pushing me to be a better man.
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator

  • “Sweet Summer Rain…” – from Goose

    As the thunder rolled and the lightning struck starting at about 3am, YHC wondered how many more fartsackers would avoid this morning’s romp than the usual Goose-Q checkouts. But, as it strangely does on F3 mornings, the weather let up at around 5:00am, and this morning it eased to a gentle drizzle and some beautiful lightning in the distant sky. YHC couldn’t have ordered it up better, especially after the streak of stifling sizzlers we’ve been enduring for the past month or so.
    After a warmup of the usuals plus some lower back work, we moseyed to the coupon stack to grab a few. YHC stopped by the truck to grab the beautiful, readable marker board that YHC’s M prepared for this morning’s IPC prep, and we set up the easel facing the parking lot, on purpose, so everyone could read it since exercises would be done on the concrete and the grass.
    YHC is a little wary of all the HR merkins, goblet squats, and kettle bell swings that we’re destined to burn out on this coming Saturday morning, so I figured we’d utilize the opportunity to strengthen the same joints we’ll be straining since we’re five days out, enough time to grow some muscle around them.

    The board said:
    15 of each, 10 burpees, then Stop Sign run
    -HR Merkins
    -BB situps
    -Goblet Squats
    -Dips
    -OH Presses
    -Flutter kicks (4-count)
    -Kettle Bell Swings
    -10 Burpees

    And, the grind began. Lil’ Cuz brought an FNG from the far north (round Homer somewhere–newly named Barney Fife), but in my own wet fog, I didn’t see how he managed. Seemed ok at the end, though. The men were unusual quiet as they slogged through it, though YHC was grateful for Paradox’s verbosity, which served as a distraction during the runs. (It was good to have a reason to push, too–can’t have anybody too far ahead of me, and Dox was feeling froggy this morning.). Dumbledore continues to impress as he kept moving despite foggy glasses, and Cardinal stayed right behind us the entire time looking fit in that Carolina blue.

    YHC was grateful for these dudes and their willingness to grind through this wet morning. It’s an experience that’s hard to match, and it changes everything when you’re sharing it with quality men.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Jurpee: Live and Deconstructed – from Yankee Joe

    Quick Note:

    Gentlemen, this beatdown was just hard. I appreciate and admire how each of you simply took care of business. Though Q-drenaline is real, I can say that when my tank is empty and my brain is lying to me, all I need to do is look around at the PAX to regain momentum. In my experience, there’s no amount of self discipline or mental toughness that can manufacture that last mile push. This is why the gym membership, by itself, will eventually fail.

    If you have not Q’d a beatdown yet, get on the books. I promise you are READY.

    The Blast
    —————————————–

    Wednesday Night – 6:45 pm

    YHC: “Hey Babe…can you come look at this beatdown design real quick?”

    M: “Sure, I can’t think of anything else that would be a better use of our time while trying to get kids ready for bed.”

    YHC: “I totally agree! Ok…do you think 200 burpees is too much?”

    M: “Honey, we talked about this. You don’t make friends by trying to hurt them.”

    YHC: “C’mon…it’s not like that…the guys will love this stuff.”

    M: “Really? Doesn’t half of F3 Thiboduax go to the same chiropractor?”

    YHC: “Umm. Actually, now that you mention it, yes…yes they do. Hey…do me a favor and don’t mention the Chiropractor thing to Paradox. He gets real sensitive about it.”

    ——————————————-

    Thursday Morning – 6:45 am

    2.0: “Daddy, are you in here? I heard noises like a dinosaur. Why are you on the floor next to the potty”

    YHC: “Hey, sweetheart. Yes, I’m fine. Daddy’s tummy is a little upset.”

    2.0: “Why?”

    YHC: “Daddy did a really hard workout this morning with lots of those burpee things I showed you.”

    2.0: “Why?”

    YHC: “I thought it would be fun.”

    2.0: “It’s not fun to hurt your friends. Did you throw up on Mr. Enron again?”

    YHC: “I did NOT throw up on Mr. Enron. How many times do I have to tell you?”

    —————————————–
    The Inspiration

    We are just mere days away from the best time of the year – The Iron Pax Challenge. The F3 Thibodaux draft class of 2023, as mentioned in prior blasts, has reshaped the PAX into a collective of bad, bad men…or bawzzz as it were – Michelin, French Horn, Michelin, Honeysuckle, America’s Best, Bone Thug, Safety Valve, and Dumbledore. This group of monsters have not experienced IPC’s path-altering power. I’m not sure about Popeye and Paradiddle since they are part of the F3 Thibby OG. Yeah, you know me.

    IPC has a way of changing a man, breaking through and shattering the false ceilings of what he thinks he can or can’t do. Lil’ Cuz and Superfund as FNG’s, were (as Dox eloquently noted) “forged” in the IPC fires. Once a week in September, with pre-blast in hand, each man voluntarily embraces a level of such exertion that chatter simply vanishes and is replaced by venomous snark.

    For those less familiar, I offer the following snapshot from various IPC beatdowns last year.

    —————————————–
    After a few minutes, you’re already in pain. You start becoming confused. You can’t understand how any actual human can do this amount of man-makers (burpees with a coupon). You think back on the F3 Greenwood pre-blast video tutorials. Ben Gay, with a smug smirk, describes the week’s torture like it’s directions for making frozen pizza. He has a few jabronies jump into frame to demonstrate like THREE REPS of the various exercises. You hate their perfect Bonnie Blair form with their stupid pumping arms. You’re like, “C’mon… if I only had to do a few reps, I could bring my ass to the ground like a catcher on a coupon thruster too.” The hate starts to consume you.

    You try not to drop your coupon on Enron’s toes after he comments on your inability to tell time (You’ll get your vengeance during the Skinny Runner IPC, watching him desperately try to use a jump rope). You see Montana waving frantically at the “we’re not worthy” station. Your legs are wet noodles, and you stumble across the field to change the song as BAPS very loudly blares that particularly offensive (and REPEATING) lyric in Rage’s “Killing in the Name.” Why? Because there’s a Family Fun Run at the Peltch. Moms are blushing. Kids are crying. Dads are moshing.

    You’re out of breath…there is no side conversation. You see Cardinal toss his coupon 10 yards after each set, disgusted by the very nature of the beatdown design. You think to yourself that there hasn’t been something this awful since the casting tragedy for High King Peter in the Narnia movies. They might as well have cast Jar Jar. At least Jar Jar had a story arc of growth and purpose. King Peter enters the plot as a douche wagon…and well, upgrades to a minivan.

    You look over, marveling at how Goose and Wet Tap can be so far ahead of everyone else…hoping deep down that you’ll catch them executing poor form. You hear ‘Lil Cuz lament that he should have taken the glove recommendation seriously, and yet he’s still plowing through with bloody, blistery hands. You know that Paradox typically takes off his shirt when a beatdown starts getting serious…about half way through. This day, you’re horrified to see him lose the shirt, and we’re only five minutes in. Instead of running between exercises, you’re shuffling like a prisoner with ankle cuffs on. It’s like the opening scene in “Saving Private Ryan.” Everything sounds warped like you’re underwater. You think, “ I can’t keep going…not even one more rep. Not one more step.”

    But you’re wrong. You CAN do more reps. And you do them. Then time is called and it’s over. Suddenly, you love everything and everyone. You praise F3 Greenwood for their misunderstood creativity. You spit out endorphin laced Dad jokes and everyone laughs. It’s an emotional and physical rollercoaster. IPC is where YHC turned the corner in F3. I’ve been waiting so patiently. It really is the best time of the year.
    ————————————-

    So….

    The On Ramp

    14 PAX showed up to the Den on a Thursday morning. Today was forecast to set heat index records. By 5:15 am, the heat index was already 90 degrees. The humidity was hovering around 70%. As French Horn would say, “Bruhhhh…it was nastayyy.” Before getting out of the douche wagon, America’s Best presented YHC with his ‘hot off the press’ prescription glasses. This exceptional customer service wouldn’t save him from the morning’s misery, but I did feel a little guilty if that counts for anything. The only other medical professional I’ve known that offers such unparalleled customer satisfaction is a Chiropractor in Raceland. (That noise you’re hearing? Bad words being yelled in Homerican…)

    The PAX seemed oddly quiet. Was it because YHC’s subtle pre-hype about burpees wasn’t so subtle? Was it because they heard YHC talking to Goose about doing Goosey’s (bonnie blair with squat jump) as a MODIFICATION? Perhaps it was because the SV500 tank top club is super elitist and the rest of us felt left out. Who’s to say? With French Horn posting two days in a row, however, James Hetfield would insist nothing else matters.

    Usual warmarama with some extra arm and hamstring stretches, then off to the lighted tennis/pickleball courts where BAPS awaited us with superior sound quality and epic beats.

    Our rev up song was “Call On Me” by Eric Prydz. The PAX would do Burpees on “Call On Me,” recover in between. There were 51 burpee opportunities. At this point, there was still minimal chatter. The pace was fast between burpee triggers. In fact, “Call On Me” are the only words in the song. The men were beasts. YHC was not.

    ————————————-
    The Thang

    For the main event, we put together a deconstructed burpee with some core. The objective was to mimic the AMRAP nature of many IPC beatdowns. YHC would set the clock for 20 minutes and the PAX would complete as many rounds as possible in that time. Following the lead of Ben Gay, YHC demonstrated the various exercises in three-rep increments. The PAX was not pleased to learn that the actual rep count was 20 for each exercise. YHC did his best to soften the misery with a carefully curated EDM playlist.

    The Deconstructed Jurpee – AMRAP rounds for 20 min. (goal of 5 rounds)

    20 medium slow and low squats
    20 groiners
    20 merkins
    20 groiners
    20 jump squats with arms raised
    20 LBC’s
    20 leg raises

    Per usual, I looked across the circle to see Goose, Wet Tap, and Pope breezing through the rounds. Honeysuckle looked almost bored, but sweating profusely, nonetheless. Smooth was grinding as always, shirt off, and knocking out merkins like it was nothin’. Safety Valve continues to impress and looks similar to Paradiddle with his methodical (and dare I say, perfect) form. Cardinal was straight up working! With a focused, stoic expression, he was not shying away from one of the things he hates most in life…the burpee (a close second to misguided telecommunications consumer choices).

    Heck, even Montana’s form wasn’t criminal. All the more impressive considering that a burpee is not really conducive to being 6’ 7.” Every time YHC looked over at Paradox, he just “happened” to be doing leg raises, but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. However, he was the biggest cheerleader of the playlist, which I genuinely appreciate considering I spent 45 minutes trying to find the perfect EDM cover of “Wellerman.”

    ————————————–
    YHC called time and with six minutes left in the beatdown, two options were planned…Mary or another longish song with burpee triggers. It was safe to say that the AMRAP deconstructed burpee had served its purpose. Except for Pope, the rest of us were wet toast. I offered ONLY the latter option to the PAX. I have no doubt that internally, each of us thought it was as dumb an idea as remaking Willow. Lucasfilm, that’s enough. Haven’t you hurt society enough? Audibly though, to a man, all chose death over cake.

    So, burpees for every male chorus response. 53 triggers to be exact. With the Pet Shop Boys reinvigorating our souls, the PAX did four minutes of “Go West” before time was called and we moseyed back to a sullen Aslan. No doubt lamenting his choice of High King.

    COT, the ANIMAL and GiGi tanks were nowhere to be seen, and Goose prayed us out.

    ———————————-

    Have a Cup of Jeaux

    I’m going to leave this here…

    Episodes 1 – 3 should be stricken from the record. Completely. Never happened. Do it again. George Lucas can hang out on set, but he gets zero input on the writing.

    If you don’t know what Episodes 1 – 3 refers to, ignorance is literally bliss. If you liked Episodes 1 – 3, you’re probably High King Peter.

    SYITG,

    Jeaux