F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradox

  • Just Do Stuff for 40 minutes – from Yankee Joe

    YHC has been called many things in his life. Some have said he’s stubborn. Others have said he’s a bit arrogant. Not a few folks have made the outlandish claim that YHC tends to be melodramatic…perhaps even moody. Still others would even go so far as to note YHC sucks at maff.

    Regardless of what these peasants may say, I am not any of these things and the very fact that such atrocious slander would be heaped on my flawless purveyance of righteousness is nothing short of Paradox-level hypocrisy. After all, Enron, 3.8 lbs + 3.8 lbs = 10 lbs. I have spoken.

    How does this translate into a beatdown? Your guess is as good as mine. Take a little bit of stubborn cockiness, a heaping tablespoon of dramatic (if not grumpy) flare, and a complete mockery of Euclid’s legacy, and you have whatever the hell this morning was.

    For context, as we approach the completion of our second week with the May Challenge, point totals like 1,000 have taken on special significance. The men in Cleveland are no dummies. There is no easy way or even loop hole to racking up points. So, this morning was supposed to be a frontal assault on that hill.
    —————————————

    The idea was that running quarter mile distances in an 8 minute pace (2 minutes), followed by 1 minute of exercises, aiming for at least 45 points (merkins, BBS, coupon curls, and/or pullups), one could – in fully ungrounded theory – achieve 1,000 points in 40 minutes. The breakdown is below:

    – 2 minute quarter mile (25 points)
    – 1 minute exercises (45 pt total)
    – Total: 70 points

    Repeat above combo 12 times for 840 total points.

    The beauty of this is that the above cycle would take 36 minutes, thus leaving 4 minutes to work. Since partial miles don’t count, it would be a blitzkrieg of exercises, aiming for 160 points or 40 points each of the last four minutes.

    840 + 160 = 1,000 (see, I do maff good)

    You might say, hitting 160 points in four minutes is impossible. Ok, then ruck one of the three miles accumulated from the quarter mile sprints (four quarter mile runs with weight). If carrying 30 lbs, for example, your last four minutes looks like 130 points (32.5 pts per minute). AND if the PAX showed up stretched and ready to go, then you could add 5 more minutes to the overall beatdown, which would further distribute the per minute point totals across the beatdown OR give you enough time to add a fourth mile.

    The logic is sound. The execution would need to be relentlessly methodical. Trying to pull it off 10 days into the May Challenge at the Lion’s Den was delusional.
    ——————————————

    The beatdown structure was simple:

    Run a series of quarter miles if you want to build points that way, otherwise do whatever the hell you want. After the dust settled, the average point accumulation was between 615 and 670 (not counting any pre-beatdown work). **Not bad at all considering that this time the mileage was actually accurate to the hundredth of a mile.**

    – Paradox stayed true to the run/exercise sequence. He even threw in some pull-ups on a bar that I couldn’t have reached jumping.

    – Similar to YHC, Enron abandoned some of the run early to focus on his uncanny strength with merkins and coupon curls.

    – Goose seemingly completed 9 million big boy sit-ups and stuck to the run combo.

    – It appeared as if Picadilly ran for 40 minutes straight, but he also knocked out a bunch of exercise points.

    AND though this individual PAX commands plenty of respect, I think the level falls woefully short of the awe we should have for 14-year old Pope. This dude is a beast now. In a few years, he is going to redesign F3 because it’s not hard enough for him. He just never stopped…like literally went all out for 40 minutes straight.

    (In the beginning of the beatdown, I asked Pope if he wanted full bricks (for mini-rucking) or half bricks. He politely asked for the full bricks. The look on his face, however, politely told me that if I ever disrespected him like that again, he’d make half bricks by breaking full bricks over my head.)

    Exact point totals for each PAX is somewhat known, but will not be published here, lest Enron decides to live into his F3 name. You know what he’s like when looking at numbers on a spreadsheet. The temptation to cook the books is just too strong. You go to a barber shop long enough, you’ll eventually get your hair cut (or so I’m told).

    That said, based on casual convos following the beatdown, and including pre-beatdown runs by Enron, Paradox, Goose, Pope, and YHC, my best maff skilz puts totals between 870 – 925.

    The challenge is on. 1000 points in 40 minutes. It can be done. Who will answer the call?

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Move Your Feet, Work Your Meat (And Wet Concrete) – from Goose

    YHC went into this morning with much hope of being a part of a large group of F3 HIMs pushing hard together through a well curated beatdown before entering the 5K race of the year to represent in an undeniable way the benefits of F3 to the wider Thibodaux community. All would see the black-shirted clan exuding brotherhood, confidence, and joyful tenacity as we swept through the crowd singing sea shanties and laughing at one another’s clever jokes. Instead, YHC and Pope pulled into The Peltch late and stressed only to see a large, Gigi’d man and his smaller companion running toward me up the road, away from the park. Confused, YHC rolled down the window and asked Tana and Paradox where the heck they were going at 6:31am. They shared that they were the only ones there, and they figured a short mosey would get them warmed up nicely before YHC, the Q, got there. Although this was a little disheartening, the fact that Tana was wearing a headband the exact color of the Gigi lifted YHC’s spirits considerably, not to mention the promise of solid quality time with both the big man and Paradox. And, knowing that Yankee Joe (dealing with family stuff) and Wet Tap (facilitating birth) would be joining us for the run gave YHC some hope that it would be an enjoyable day even if we didn’t overwhelm the city of Thibodaux with the glory of F3.

    After a warmup of the usual suspects, we grabbed coupons and moseyed over to the Thunderdome for some Dora to score some points, log some miles, and get the legs warmed up. While one partner chipped away at 200 curls and 200 Big Boys, partner two ran around the building. This took some time, and it may have established the Broga/Yoda mat as the ideal situp platform. Tana confirmed both its springiness and its ease on the posterior, and YHC wouldn’t be surprised if more were found dragging one around for the month of May like Linus with his blue blankie.

    Next, YHC introduced these fellas to the Turbo Tax Tennis Ball Thang. Enron, YJ, and Dilly enjoyed the strain it provided last week as well as the competition, so YHC figured we’d give it another go. This time, the same partners moved from the Thunderdome to the gate by the track and back–the man with the ball can’t move, but has to throw it to his partner who can. If it was dropped, both partners had to complete 5 genuflections. Pope and Paradox came out swinging with long throws and acrobatic catches, which of course led to many drops and many genuflections. YHC and Tana went for shorter lobs and an easy rhythm, and with not a single drop, outpaced the younger team by many units of measurement. After waiting for the losing team to finally arrive after their 85th genuflection, it was time to mosey back to the flag for some pre-race stretching.

    It was here that we learned that Tana had never stretched a day in his life and couldn’t actually bend his knee more than one or two degrees on account of his quads being as tight as cold rubber. We had also learned earlier that on the previous day, Tana had run something like 8 miles around his neighborhood and played 16 straight hours of pickleball into the wee hours of the morning. We were in awe at his willingness to run a 5K after all that (though later events would prove that our awe was unfounded).

    Wet Tap arrived with Redfish with about 2 minutes left of stretching, and we followed one another to the fairgrounds. After parking, the owner of the home in front of which we had parked came out and asked how long we’d be there. He wanted to mow his yard before it rained. We promised to be out of there before 9:30, and this seemed to assuage him. On the way in, Paradox must have said about 17 times that it was his first time running an official race, and Redfish shared that he’s been in about 17 of them, starting at the age of 2.

    At the registration tent every third person had their phone out showing everyone around them the radar, which looked like a death blob flying toward us. In typical fashion, the mob just waited for someone else to tell us it wasn’t a good idea to run through a lightning storm, and since they didn’t, we lined up. We were in the middle of calculating our chances of survival when YJ sauntered up in full firefighter gear: tank, coat, hat, boots and everything. It was a sight to behold. It seemed he and his boys were gonna run this thing in 70 lbs. of firefighting gear. (That ought to rack up some points!). Not sure if he chose that himself, but what a dude.

    It was also during this time that Tana made his actual intentions clear. He let us know at the registration tent that he had to run back to his car for his credit card (though Paradox paid with cash no problem…). And, while we were lining up and looking for his head poking up over the crowd, Paradox got a text that said something like, “I got to the car, I looked at the radar, I got scared, and I peeled out. It’s every man for himself. I think the world is coming to an end. And my legs are tired.” So, it would be four of us.

    Soon, it was time to start (a bit chaotically), and we took off into the darkening horizon. After about a half a block, a lightning bolt slammed into the ground about a mile away as if to set the tone for what would be a memorable experience. Not long after that, the little bitty stinging rain started coming in sideways, and it only increased in size and quantity as the race went on. The lightning and thunder were constant, like a soundtrack for four manly men moving at a moderate pace through sheets of rain along busy highways. At one point, we were actually singing sea shanties (it seemed fitting in the driving rain), and we were enjoying one another’s company so much that the finish line snuck up on us. We pushed hard for the last hundred yards or so, but YHC felt sad that it was over. There was no possibility of winning the race, so we were able to enjoy the unique experience of running around Thibodaux in a storm with good brothers for a good cause. It was a memory maker, for sure, and I found myself wishing we had three more miles.

    We were done and headed to the cars by about 8:30, but no matter how early we were, old boy wasn’t gonna be cutting his grass today. YHC was grateful for the camaraderie, the seat covers, and even the rain this morning. The rest of you fartsackers missed out!

    SYITG,
    Goose

    FYI: The Q-sheet has reached the place where it’s basically gonna be YHC and Yankee Joe from here on out unless you start putting your name in there. It doesn’t matter if it’s close or far away, get on the schedule! Q-ing is your “down-painment” for the gift of F3 in your life!

  • That’s No Moon… – from Paradox

    A long long time ago , in a Lions Den not too far away 7 pax assembled on May the 4th to defeat the mighty Death star.
    YHC would love to tell you we met this terror with a united pax but recent May challenge skirmishes have our x wings loaded with Ether and drawing lines in the Tatooine sand.

    Darth Ragnar Tana flew his silent Rav4Destroyer and met two of his JV crew from planet Chackbay. M2d2 and Cardinal3PO flexed in synchronized maroon ready to steal hundreds of points. YHC (palpatinDox? No? Ok I’ll keep workshopping it ) had his two Threat Level Midnight Allie’s, Ron Solo and DillyBaca ready to continue the force choking points party. Finally no defeat of the empire can occur without Goose Skywalker and His padawan Pope plus the trusted Yoda mat. (Wise to bring it , he was). We put aside our alliances for 45 minutes to bring peace to the galaxy.

    Duke! Put down that lightsaber and roll the bean footage!

    Warmup
    The usuals
    Tana continues to need a seminar on warmup protocol. I’ll be reaching out to his former educators for advise. This will definitely come up in todays Teams Call.

    YHC introduced the DeathStar

    5 stations dispersed along a roughly estimated .7 miles ish
    1: coupon curls at lion
    2: Stairs 20 merkins
    3: bench 20 bbsu
    4: dock 20 wide merkins
    5: tennis court 20 ww1 sit-ups

    Round 1
    Tour the stations All together mosey in between and get a feel for the enemy.

    Round 2
    Han Solo Mission
    Everyone on your own
    Pope took the title at 5:56 and secured the Animal performance of the beatdown

    Round 3
    Siths come in pairs
    Pair up and you can help your partner finish Reps buttt this round you have 40

    Round 4
    Defeat the Death Star as a team
    Team communication and effort to beat 6 minutes on the course.
    We sprinted to the flag for 6a, Saved the galaxy of Houma Thibodaux but we did perish in the blast by missing those last 20 star jumps. Just know that years from now when Yankee Jeauxbi One Kenobi tells our story at the Jedi Temple we will all be remembered as galactic heroes.

    COT and Dilly prayed us out

    NMM

    Coming together is a beginning
    Staying together is progress
    Working together is success
    – Henry Ford

    – Great morning seeing and feeling the progression from solo work, to pairs, to a full team push. YHC needs constant reminders of the strength of leaning on strong bonds during overwhelming times and I’m grateful to have you men as a safety net.

    See you in the gloom
    Dox

  • “Does that thing have a hemi-peeen in it? – from Wiford Montana

    A Tuesday in the light gloom began, YHC arrived a few minutes early and all the pax arrived before or at that time. We had a few moments prior to warmups so p Dox had to fill the void. Thus the hemi-peen topic surfaced. Googling this not recommended for most work devices but it only science so the entire pax in attendance was educated. Somehow after this we recovered to begin some semblance of a workout routine. I was both shocked and astounded that I learned something this riveting prior to 5:15, t claps for winning the Thibby for oddest image of you injecting a gecko with anti-inflammatory medicine in the bicep and using sugar to reduce local swelling symptoms. The sheer life experiences second to none. I somehow press on…..

    Warm up
    Usual stuff with a clear concise instruction set of I do say so myself.

    The thang. This was inspired by yankee joe due to the fact this man assembled a word document with all IPC routines from 2018 till present day with instructions and links to the corresponding YouTube video. Wow can you say living it! He provided multi horrifying workout in this doc so well done sir.

    4×8 minutes IPC modified
    Round 1: 8 minutes of burpees after 20 reps run the field
    Round 2: 8 min big boyz after 20 nur field
    Round 3: 8 min merkins after 20 karaoke field
    Round 4: 8 min v ups after 20 sprint

    Great work gentleman I really enjoyed your hard work and commitment just to put out and workout start to finish.
    Viva La jean!!!!!

  • Partner up for a wild ride – from Wet Tap

    Partner up for a wild ride.
    5 PAX showed up to the stage for a close encounters beatdown.
    After a normal warmup and a loss of concentration (YJ looking from across the gloom in a
    stunning turquoise tank top), the PAX answered in unison what happens if you step on a crack!
    A 1600 meter run around the loop. Can’t step on a crack or a 1burpee penalty. The PAX took
    this is stride and not one penalty occurred! Decent warmup.
    Thang 1
    Partner laid on his 6 15 yards out, the other sprinted out the blocks trying to overtake him. 50
    yds in total. Rinse and repeat from 10 yards with a partner flip. Looser gets a 20 lunge penalty
    2:1 Simple yet satisfying. Although is it… 3,2,1 or 3,2,1,go! It’s up for debate of course.
    Thang 2
    Close and personal! Mixing things up a little and making sure you know your partner, YHC
    thought an inverted row being held by your partner in Al Gore 10 count. Flip this after by the Al
    Gore turning into a partner deadlift 10count.
    This was a one and done. Eye contact was at an all time minimal, and it made monkey humper
    and wife pleasers a G rated kindergarten exercise. Next…
    Bear crawl carry your partner 25yd switch and a wedding carry return. The bear crawl was
    fun. The urge to put one hand in the air and slap YJ was heavy. I hope he doesn’t feel the
    same.
    Thang3
    Another partner move.
    Back to back drive. One partner locked arms with the other and drove a backpedal NUR with
    partner giving resistance.
    Shoulder to shoulder drive- same but with a lateral shuffle.
    Legs are burning and it still not time!
    Ring of fire.. everyone on their knees!
    Count off with a knees to feet jump. No hands buddy! A 50 count
    A little mary time.
    Partner is the name of the game.
    I had to join Goose and Dox on this one for a thripple. Everyone on their 6. Arms locked- a 30
    count of heels to heaven. Gently tapping toes with leg lifts. This is when all hell broke loose.
    What started as a gentle hum of a fainting song quickly lead to an all out 150 decimal Ballard of
    power rangers. Why? Why not?
    Finishing up with dead bugs and bird dogs the core was nice and warm. A few laps around
    the track and it was time!
    COT and prayers
    Another great workout with a PAX who pushes you to be better. Thanks to all!
    #Goose # paradox # Enron # Yankee Joe
    # wet tap

  • There Goes My Hero – from Paradox

    On a gloomy spring morning on April, 20 2023 7 pax loaded into the back of big brother Yankees Time wagon (it’s kinda like the DeLorean but it runs on veggie juice and compliments) and headed to the Lions Den cinemaPlex circa 1985. YJ successfully posed as our dad to get our R rated tickets at the counter then Tana grabbed us some 64 ounce colas and we headed in after removing Enron from the stuffed animal claw game …”I was on a heater!”
    The cheap orange lights began to dim as Goose unpacked the Big league chew he smuggled in just for YHCs bday. We settled into creaky back row seats. You can smell it now can’t you? A fine mix of popcorn, cigarettes and regret. Cardinal assured us the place was lacking on Holy water. Nothing like a movie theater in the 80s. We covered Young Horns eyes through the atrocities of the first two trailers then came the last….

    A deep baritone voice describes the big screen …

    “This Summer….(screen flashes man loading grenades as ominous music plays) …
    In a world full of corruption (screen flashes man strapping on bazooka ) one man will Q a beatdown to single-handedly save the pax
    (Screen flashes tightening vest ) …
    His mission , relentless cardio (screen flashes JBL ) …
    His enemy …mumblechatter
    (Screen flashes boots lacing up )
    His help…there is none (screen flashes war paint ) …

    POOX Films brings you ….
    A Prestige Worldwide production …
    “Every 80s Action Hero”
    (Ominous music reaches crescendo )

    Duke! Put down those Mike and Ike’s and roll the footage!

    Warm Up

    The usuals with 35 reps of SSH to get the PAX in the right state of mind. Cardinal immediately regretted waking up after the 21st straddle hop.

    YHC gave the disclaimer that today we would honor two great gifts from the 80s. YHC andddd the great 80s action hero. Take a look at this list :

    Terminator
    Predator
    RoboCop
    Bloodsport
    Die Hard
    Lethal Weapon

    That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
    What a time to be born !
    Before CGI and remakes, no stunt doubles needed. Just a bazooka and a one liner and the lone hero saves the world. So we set out to honor the 80s action hero.
    But first some training.

    Bazooka Indian Run to the ball park. Last man does 3 bazooka squats with Ole hickory (30 lb bar) and runs the bazooka to the last man then sprint to the front. (I love the word bazooka , it just rolls off the tongue …bazooka)

    Arrived at the ball park where we learned lesson 2, shooting a million nameless henchmen.
    YHC dialed up that ole nurturing lullaby from Drowning Pool.

    “Let the Bodies Hit Floor “
    Bobby Hurley on Floor
    IW on song
    Air raises on 1..2…etc
    And there’s still nothing wrong with us !

    The Main Thang

    Jacked and Tan Circuit

    The 3rd and most important lesson of the 80s action hero is to always look good. So we needed a full body circuit.

    Setup: 7 stations , 1 central cone for the Hero who would serve as our timer while surrounded by goons with different weapons.

    Monkey Humper Trivia before each round

    Our first paradox hero was John Matrix , who YHC dressed as today
    He was the star of this 1985 action movie about a retired army colonel who must track down his kidnapped daughter ?

    COMMANDO

    What actor played John Matrix?
    ARNOLD

    I’ll stop here to note that watching 21 yo French Horn nail every single 80s trivia question when he wouldn’t be born for another 15 years is astounding. Like seeing Beethoven with his first piano. The kid has a gift. Keep shining Horn. T claps.

    Round 1 John Matrix Commando
    Center Cone – 35 big bar boy sit-ups

    1. KB swings
    2. Jump rope
    3. Coupon curls
    4. Brick flys
    5. Med ball Slams
    6. LBCs

    Round 2 John Rambo (1982)
    This 80s action movie launched an entire franchise
    About a Vietnam vet who wanders into a small town looking for a friend.
    Sly Stallone -Rambo-82
    15 monkey Humpers

    Central Cone – 20 squats

    Round 3 John McClane (1988)
    This 80s action movie is about a grizzled veteran cop who only wants to get home to his family but must batted 12 terrorists instead.
    Bruce Willis

    10 monkey humpers

    10 Peter Parker’s at central Cone

    The muscle fatigue was so intense that the distractions ranged from open air 5 year Thibodaux hard commits to YJ calculating how shredded he will be at 65. The pax (YHC included) continue to struggle with jump rope and it seems Enrons lack of rhythm is infectious.

    We ended with an all out “it’s gonna blow “ sprint to the flag where Goose let us know his shoulder may be injured but nothings wrong with the quads fellas. The old man is pure smoke in those new brooks!

    Some Mary where YJ melded animal noises with a cadence that created the time vortex to bring us back to present day Thibodaux.

    COT and the Goose prayed us out.

    NMM

    Has there ever been a more stupid phrase than “single handedly”? What has any human ever done completely by themselves? We are created by an all knowing , all powerful God , then birthed by our mothers and cannot provide a single bit of support for ourselves for roughly the first half decade of life. Yet here I am , time and time again, and with that special brand of pride. I can do it, I can pull it together, I can do this, just put it on my shoulders. And while that trope sells all the Hollywood tickets for action heroes, it’s only a path to destruction in the real world.
    For what did our real Savior look like. A bazooka? Nope just a legion of angels he left uncalled for. Surrounded by his enemies? Absolutely. So he went for nunchucks right? Nope, he took the relentless suffering then while nailed to a cross , forgave them instantly. And with his dying breath he must have nuked the place in a slow mo sprint ? Although it’s what I would have done it’s a nope again. Instead he poured out an ocean of Divine mercy and single handedly Saved the whole world.

    ….There goes my Hero

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Ab-solutely Ab-surd – from Goose

    With two days to fill, YHC was happy to kill the legs yesterday before focusing on the glorious death of the abs today. Interestingly, only Paradox and Yankee Joe showed up to have their core sploded, and though they didn’t actually know what was coming, they knew Tuesday Tuff wouldn’t leave them where it found them.

    We started with a warmup of the usuals minus cherry pickers, which caused YJ to experience his first brain glitch of the day. There would be many more, and though most of these glitches worked themselves out through his colon, they did cause him some havoc with counting before being released into the atmosphere.

    Moseyed to the bumper and stop sign and back before diving into the first ab routine I found on the Exicon: Bruce Lee. This consisted of 20 reps apiece of 6 different exercises with no breaks. We did the recommended three rounds total with a 30 second rest only between each full round. The exercises were: American Hammers, Leg Raises, LBC’s, Penguins, Crunchy Frogs, and 100’s. After all the core work we’ve been doing over the past few weeks, this one wasn’t as bad as I expected, though the crunchy frogs got old quick. We probably could’ve gone for a few more rounds, but there was more on the docket that YHC wanted to get to.

    Next was 11’s–stage front to sidewalk, Van Goghdas on one end and static hold wife pleasers on the other, carioca there, nur back. Van Goghdas are basically Abe Vigodas (Windmills), but done lying on your back–so spread eagle, bring one arm up and over, lifting upper body so as to reach down and touch the opposite toe; the other hand stays where it was on the ground. These were eventually less awkward than YHC thought they’d be, and the first five or so weren’t that hard, but they began to deliver pretty well after that. Static wife pleasers are wife pleasers with a three second hold at the top.
    We stayed together and did the wife pleasers in cadence so no one was tempted to rush them. It was good to have some camaraderie and solid mumblechatter during 11’s for once–that’s usually somewhat of a solo experience–though, toward the end it was nothing but panting and grunting. That last round was a doozie.

    The last routine was called “The Hands of Time”. The PAX hit their sixes in a circle (triangle?) with heads toward the center, hands under their rears in leg raise position, and legs up at 90 degrees (top of a leg raise). In ring of fire fashion, each would count off and lower their legs to 6 inch hold position until it came back around, and the count would continue with each then lifting the legs back up again, and then back down, and so on until the Q stops it.
    The glitching and subsequent colon activity really ramped up from both YJ and Paradox at this point, to point where not only was counting a problem, but laughter and toxic fumes made breathing a problem. The Hands of Time movements combined with deep fatigue, endless counting, and methane seemed to operate as a sort of time machine that brought us back to a time when we’d sleep over at each other’s houses and fart and laugh till we farted again. YJ even started quoting Adam Sandler albums (this actually happened).
    YHC knew the only solution was to just keep going, and going, and going in order to ride the time wave and push the body beyond its limits until nothing remained but the PAX’s desire to to fill every open Q slot for the next two years so nothing like this ever happens again.

    Eventually, we stopped and moved onto five minutes of Mary…to work the core. And, just to be sure that the motivation to fill the Q sheet really took root, we did 51 Freddys (2:1), 53 flutter kicks (2:1), and 25 dying cockroaches (2:1) before time ran out.

    Ashley and Rebecca, you’re welcome for the ripped abs you’ll observe developing on the abdomens of your respective men in the next day or two. Just don’t make them laugh or do anything that requires counting–a glitch at this point may result in the need to purchase new underwear.

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Be sure to sign up to Q!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • History Lesson, by Coyote – from Goose

    If you think about a specific day, you might think, “It’s this person’s birthday,” or, “Dang it it’s tax day.” If you go on google and look up a day like that, you will then think, “This is the day that everything happened.” That was what YHC thought when YHC looked up April 15th. The Pax and YHC started the warmups, we did the normal exercises, Side straddle hops, Imperial walkers, Windmills, that kind of stuff, then we moseyed to the Titanic (The playground, also today is the day the Titanic sunk) and sailed away while jamming out to “Come Sail Away” while doing Imperial walkers and when we heard “sail away” we instinctively shot the basketball like Bobby Hurly, then we hit the iceberg and we started climbing the ladders like Goofballs, and when we were done doing that, we raced and wrestled to get to the highest part of the ship, then the lifeboats. Sadly, Superfun(d) fell and had to start swimming like Scuba Steve. We did it again and we lost our Paradox. Today is also when the great Notre Dame cathedral caught on fire, so we ran from the sinking Titanic to the Thunderdome where we where surrounded by a ring of fire while doing flying buttresses (merkin and airplane) and laying down making the steeple fall down with six inch holds and leg raises. We ran from the burning cathedral to join the Boston Marathon, (today was the bombing of the Boston Marathon). We saw the bombs, they exploded, so we got in pairs and broke out in BOMBS. One runner ran a hundred meters and back, then the two partners switched places. It went on like this for fifty burpees, one hundred overhead presses, one hundred monkey humpers, one hundred big boy sit-ups, and one hundred side straddle hops. Smooth Operater had his two 2.0s. By the time everybody was done, he was dragging the wagon and doing monkey humpers, so we helped out on the sit-ups, straddle hops, and running. While we were hammering out those, Redfish was lying on the ground resting. With all the help, we finished pretty quickly. I then mentioned that today, ninety-four people died in a soccer stampede, so we ran around the track twice, and at each goal post, we would get trampled and do ten hand-release merkins, trying to get back up but getting knocked back to the ground. We moseyed back to the flag and did some eight minute Mary. YCH let the entire circle choose an exercise to do. After that, it was count off and name off, we congratulated Tractor for his fourth birthday, Cardinal forgot the Animal shirt, and the tank top was given to WetTap, and YHC did the cooldowns alone today. This has been history lessons with Coyote.

  • Offerings of Smoked Quads and Abs – from Yankee Joe

    Warm-up

    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    Blast-offs
    Mountain climbers
    Mosey lap

    The Thang – 4 rounds for time (more if time permits)

    50 lbcs
    40 jump squats
    30 big boy sit ups
    20 Bonnie Blairs 2:1
    10 v-ups
    Lap around civic center (approx. 1/4 mile)

    ————————–
    Exodus 14:5-7
    – 7 He took – six hundred – of the best chariots, along with all the other chariots of Egypt, with officers over all of them.

    2 Chronicles 29:31-33
    – 33 And the consecrated things were – six hundred – oxen and three thousand sheep.

    Judges 3:31
    – 31 And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines – six hundred – men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.

    F3Thibodaux 4:13
    – And….in the land of Thibodaux, near the banks of Bayou Lafourche (Bayou Side), SEVEN lost PAX of F3 Thibodaux set out to complete four rounds of 150 reps, numbering 600 reps in total in a beatdown offering at the Lion’s Den. However, some of the PAX brought more offerings by doing five or more rounds. Paradox and Enron, during a founders’ meeting (Ya hateth to see such elitism), did runneth two miles before the beatdown.

    —————————-
    Paradox, who came from Homeria, who was the husband of a real doctor, and who sends forth gas into the face of his brethren, he did cruncheth 200 lbcs. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Goose, son of Emu, son of Ostrich, who was fruitful and exponentially multiplied across the earth, he did jumpeth 160 times in the air. In total, he did completith 880 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Montana, son of Cotter, who was lost in the wilderness of pro shops, but had foundeth his way home, he did sitteth up 120 times. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Smooth Operator, from the mighty tribe of fence builders, and who did rucketh miles with wrenches on his back, did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Enron, son of Bernie, and who advised others on how to worshipith silver shekels, and was a chief violator of form, repented and did lungeth with a chaste woman named Bonnie Blair 80 times the hard way. In total, he did completith 880 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Cardinal, who had favor with the Lord, but continued to farteth in his sack, and expert on leavened breakfast sandwiches from petroleum markets, he did sitteth up in a V forty times. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    For all of these offerings, the tribe of F3 Thibodaux did bring to the Den. In five or more rounds, the reps numbered more than 600. Final offerings were made with 95 reps of Mary.

    COT and the sleeveless finery of both the ANIMAL and EURO TRASH varieties were bestowed upon Father Cardinal and Paradox respectively. Our long lost brother, Montana, prayed us out.

    And behold, Yankee Jeaux, provider of coffee from Abraham’s bosom, and oldest of the tribe, with thirty and one hundred years, this day victoriously beat down the dark (and annoying) shadows of mumblechatter and thus humbly (and with immense gratitude) served the PAX.

    SYITG,

    YJ

  • You Don’t Got This, Bro – from Goose

    As six PAX gathered at the Lion’s Den, and Smooth revealed his beastly self, which was straining against the turqoise spandex of the Euro-tank, YHC was putting the last second finishing touches on a Holy Thursday themed beatdown.

    We started with a warmup of the usuals after which Paradox, with much pomp and circumstance, formally shared his conclusion (after much research) that high knees and butt kicks usually go together. Thank you, Paradox, for your contribution to the scientific F3 community.

    We moseyed to the basketball courts where YHC meticulously set up cones 20 meters (not feet, not yards) apart while Paradox meticulously connected YHC’s phone to JBL. We would be completing a bleep test, wherein an app gives beeps at intervals a few seconds apart, and those intervals get shorter and shorter as time goes by. At each beep, those being tested have to run the 20 meters from one cone line to the next before the next beep is sounded. At the next beep, they run back. If you can’t reach the cones before the next beep, you’re out and have to plank up off to the side.
    The focus this morning was on not leaving your brother to suffer alone–that was the challenge given. F3 is all about shared suffering, so don’t let the guy next to you down by leaving him to suffer alone. This worked surprisingly well as all PAX blew through the previous performances at Schreiver Park. Once the first and then second guy dropped, though, it was like dominos. Cardinal and Lil’ Cuz showed some serious tenacity, though, by holding strong for multiple laps after that initial wave had crashed. Ultimately, though, everyone eventually called it quits, which gave YHC the chance to unpack some Holy Thursday content:

    When Jesus told is apostles that they’d all abandon him, they thought they wouldn’t, that they could hang, especially Peter who swore to stay with him to the end. None of them knew their limitations like God did. And, when he asked Peter, James, and John to stay awake and watch and pray with him, they couldn’t, even after multiple chances were given. They were weak, and they all ran away, and Peter even denied him, not once, but three times. God didn’t call them and entrust his mission to them because they were strong and brave, but because of what He could do through them. But, they had to experience their limitations first before they could learn to rely on His mercy and His strength.

    Next, we moseyed back to the front of the civic center and partnered up for a classic Dora 1, 2, 3. This would bring us into the chaotic experience of the apostles running every which way to try to survive–cuz that’s what happens when you try to measure how much you have to offer, or how much more you can take. You end up just trying to survive.
    While Partner 1 chipped away at 100 merkins, 200 squats, and 300 LBC’s, Partner 2 bunny hopped up the stairs during the first 100, nurred up and down during the 200 (pretty chaotic), and ran two steps at a time up and down for the last 300 before coming back and switching with their partner.

    So, now that we understood a little better the fruitlessness of trying to measure what we have to offer, we turned our attention to what Jesus wants to offer. We gathered at the lion for the song “Remembrance” by Matt Maher. Imperial Walkers for the duration (legs got pretty darn heavy) and burpees on remember/remembrance and worship.

    3 minutes of Mary, and COT with some solid prayer intentions. Smooth needed the help of two men to remove the Euro-tank, and he lobbed the sweaty mess at Lil’ Cuz. Looking forward to seeing it on you Saturday, Cuz!

    SYITG,
    Goose