F3 New Orleans

Tag: Safety Valve

  • Shake it Up a Bit – from Goose

    After four or five Saturdays in a row including a game of some sort, YHC thought it prudent to shake things up a bit and bring back the 60 minutes of pain. Kinda like a weekday, but longer, and at a location with tons of options.

    After YHC drug Yankee Jeaux along for a warmup lap, a warmup of the usuals commenced with 10 fantastic PAX. Once completed, we grabbed gear, and YHC started to lead a mosey toward the track, which brought about much angst amongst the natives, especially those who feared the inevitable after having been absent for a couple of months. YJ reminded YHC that this was the two-year anniversary of his initial return after hiatus, which happened to be YHC’s 40th birthday beatdown, and where YJ happened to puke multiple times. The similarities to today were already astounding–and the stage was set for some potential pukage.

    We moseyed on the track up even with the 50 yard line where YHC explained that we’d be getting back to the ground after enjoying multiple weeks of games (which YHC has loved, btw). It’s been great, but the grinding season was upon us. The first grind would be a Dora, but with three men and four exercises. The PAX broke into 3-man teams, and each team set a man on each side of the track (at the 50, halfway point on the straight 100). On one side, the exercises were 200 merkins followed by 200 Morroccan Night Clubs, and on the other, they were 200 lunges (1:1) followed by 200 heels to heaven. The third man would run from one teammate to the other and take up the rep count, like an ordinary Dora, while his guy ran the next half loop to take over from guy 1. This ended up going as YHC expected–the half lap wasn’t so bad, but merkins while waiting for your teammates to get all the way back around to you was reminiscent of a few May beatdowns. Popeye and Valve throupled/quadroupled with the two 2.0’s, Darryl Strawberry and Jacknife, who moved as one. Sort of. While Honeysuckle, Popeye, and Valve seemed to have no trouble with this one, YHC felt sorry for those for whom running is a life-sucker, but these guys also happen to be the ones with the biggest hearts, and they were clearly pushing hard so as not to leave their teammates suffering longer than necessary.

    The second grind was like the first, except we moved over to the bleachers, and instead of one man running a half lap, he would run up or down the bleachers, and the exercises were done at the top and bottom. At the bottom, 200 dips and 200 LBC’s. At the top, 200 step-ups (1:1) and 200 air presses (overhead). The step-ups were the crux for this one, but the men powered them out in enough time for an Indian Run of epic/stupid proportions.

    The 10 were split into two teams of 5 and each was positioned at opposing ends of the track (50 yard line). The man in the back of each line had to run to the front of the other team’s line, where he would choose a type of transportation for that team while he was head of the line. This was done to provide some variation, but also to give the other line’s guy an actual chance of catching up. This went fairly well, and only a few times did multiple new leaders arrive at about the same time. YHC did observe a few interesting choices for transportation. One looked like a walk, but with knees ever-so-slightly elevated. Not sure what this one was called: Tiptoe-down-the-hallway-at-night walk? Dodging-dog-bombs-in-the-backyard walk? High Grass?

    The mosey back to the flag was understandably slow after this last routine, but we still had some time for a few rounds of Mary. YHC thought it would be fun to introduce some of the newer guys to the more creatively named core exercises, like Afflecks (formerly A-Rods: a combination of J-Los and Pickle Pounders) and Nolan Ryans.

    The Animal shirt was given clean for the first time because Pope received it but couldn’t be present to present it. It went to Captain D’s for his effort despite it not being a game day (the large majority of his posts have ended up being games).
    COT and prayers for the women on the ACTS retreat and a few families dealing with tragedy. Maneater graciously prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • It’s The Climb – from Paradox

    When the recent news of parish reassignments hit YHC, two things became clear. The first was an inevitable Cardinal tribute beatdown and the second was that I needed some time to think. I needed some distance (about 80miles would do) , some time to reflect …maybe even a nice view…maybe even a lake. And there’s one lake I know of. It’s the one you know too. And as I sat there, parked by that lake, (you know the one), I reflected upon the gift of our own beloved Cardinal to our community. And right there, parked by that very lake, I dedicated this here beatdown to his 5 year ordination anniversary.

    7 men at the Den on a relatively cool Thursday morning for some lake reflection and light calisthenics. The unsuspecting pax to be honored had been lured in with JBL HCs, dreams of chic-fil-a Coffeeteria and mysterious Smooth pressure at the previous nights DC circle. He dutifully fought the fartsack with a spare JBL, a few more regulars rolled in and we were ready to go.

    Duke!! Plug Morgan city in the GPS ! What?! It’s not 80 miles away? Ok ok we’ll edit that in post …roll the footage!!

    Warmup
    The usuals with a warmup mosey for cone deposition and coupon configuration. This is usually where pax are looking for dox booby traps or random garage gym equipment but today all except one had been alerted it was a Cardinal tribute. They trudged onward anyway , into a nest of heavy coupons and gratitude.

    THA THANG

    YHC announced that we would celebrate Cardinals many gifts in circuit and musical form .

    Song

    The Announcement

    When yHC first spoke with Cardinal about his new Morgan City parish we mostly planned an AO for the nearby LakeEnd park. It was amidst these jokes I saw the lake, and the miles, and the parking. Only one song could carry the weight of this kind of announcement

    Dean Summerwind
    “Parked by the Lake
    Merkin – Parked
    Side Reach – Lake
    MC – Santa Fe

    That one never gets old.

    Next the Challenge

    YHC has always been amazed at the sheer volume of Cardinals schedule. Mass, family dinners, meetings, plannimg schizms, whoop surveys, biscuit tastings, coffee roasters fine things club…and that’s just a regular Monday.
    so an attempt was made to recreate and bring the pax along for the challenge.

    Start in front of CC stairs
    25 merkins (wake up)
    Coupon Crab Walk to stairs (walk to coffee pot)
    Confession/Mass/confession –
    – 10 Thrusters – 10 curls- 10 Thrusters
    High knee waves to cone (as a local celebrity
    Run remaining civic center (late for a meeting) High knees waves back
    Then Repeat above …because you have another mass at 10M mass
    Coupon lunge backwards
    25 merkins

    The pax had all accepted various non priest vocations by the second serving of thrusters and Honeysuckle even assisted YHCs theme by pretending to display weakness at Coupon Crabwalks, prompting YHC to extend help to a “struggling parishioner” and swap everyone to coupon lunges walks. It’s ok HS , those Shakira hips don’t lie but they’re just too powerful.

    Next we honored Cardinals uncanny ability to answer trivia with burpees on the line.
    Early in YHCs Q career I selected the Hannah Montana movie album with hopes of cardio torture. Cardinal heard 2 microseconds of the beat, guessed the song, the year released AND the album saving the pax around 30 burpees. F3 Thib scholars still teach it to their students as a historical landmark of leadership.

    Song:

    Its the Climb – Miley Cyrus
    SSH/ Burpees from Mountain to Climb

    Another round of the Mass circuit and them coups were getting heavy.

    Finally, and more sincerely YHC wanted to recognize Cardinals willingness to allow God to direct his life , pour out his grace and provide support for many of his F3 and community brothers through trying times and tribulations.

    Song :
    Lord of Hosts – Shane and Shane
    Ring of Fire – Merkins – Burpees
    We did a lot. The vision was blurry.

    COT
    Rugby to Cardinal
    and Popeye prayed us out

    **special shout out to a few Cardinal partners in crime who provided “Cardinals greatest hits: Seal, Nelly and beyond”

    Words of a Feather:

    In the fall of 2021 YHC walked onto a gloomy stage with a financial advisor and a theologian . Sounds like a bad doctor joke with a bartender punchline right?
    It was actually YHCs first beatdown and I remember impressions of each man well. Goose, responsible for the EH at dinner the night before, had firmly planted himself in YHCs brain as “just my kind of crazy person”but the intensity level was palpable in his gaze so I looked onward. His wife had informed me it was “calisthenics and running” so why did it look more like a Cobra Kai seminar? “ Ok don’t panic” I told myself. , what about the other guy? Oh , Enron? He looked like a man who would crush a beer can between his forearm and bicep first and ask questions later. Clearly he was the enforcer of the bunch and I hoped my 318 cred would last for atleast 45 minutes. I was beginning to unravel this odd corporate structure, simultaneously back peddling to the car and trying to decide which one would ask me for the first monthly installment when a third man appeared. His smile was equal parts kind and welcoming and as he strolled in I felt an overwhelming sense of safety. They both addressed him as Cardinal. He replied with appropriate quips for each and we got started.
    As we celebrate Cardinals 5th year as a priest it’s this very gift that I want to highlight the most, providing hope. For me that day it was just hope to survive chubbawampas hit single. But for the many people in this community he has impacted it’s a much greater Hope.

    Hope restored as he administers sacraments ,Hope reminded in skilled homilies and Hope redeemed in spiritual direction.

    All these, and much more he provides as an instrument of Gods grace and as an example of great trust.

    Cardinal, you are a gift to our F3 brotherhood. We are grateful for you and look forward to supporting you in the next adventure.

    And just know that when you’re ready , we’ll all be parked out there…sitting right by that lake…you know the one.

    SYITG ,
    Dox

  • Hurting You is the Last Thing I Want to Do…But it is Still on the List – from Goose

    Dad jokes, like F3 exercises, require growth, maturation, hard work, and development. You can’t just expect to roll in with your sad-clown puns and expect that to check the “dad” box. Your kids, your wife, your friends, and the culture as a whole need more from you. It takes work, time, practice, and the ability to persevere through the piles and piles of cheesy, one-dimensional groaners to find the ones that communicate to your audience: “You’re worth more.” This morning would be a Dad Joke Intensive.

    After a warmup of the usuals, which got the sweat flowing freely in the bagass infused mugginess of The Stage, YHC suggested gloves despite no coupons and led the PAX to the Loop of Wealth. At the first light post, where all devious plots are revealed, YHC explained that a dad joke would be introduced at each light, and if the PAX was unable to come up with the punchline, we’d all endure a 10 merkin penalty. That was it. For the whole beatdown. We made it around the mile loop, and then headed backward to go around again. The hopper was loaded with winners (mostly), and YHC knew it would take a while to wake up the multiple levels of humor and creativity necessary for the true Dad joke aficidonado.

    Despite having some solid minds in the bunch, the PAX was clearly not ready for the heights we would be achieving today. Merkins flowed freely for quite some time before Tap started to catch on and work the old noodle a little harder. Honeysuckle, Valve, and Dox weren’t far behind, but the engines were sputtering for most of the run.

    It took the following two-liner before the message finally sunk in that we came to work:

    “Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station…

    Investigators have nothing to go on.”

    Dox was the first to figure out that you can’t just repeat one of the 20 dad jokes that you see on every list ever and think you’re doing your job. When you hear, “Why is 6 afraid of 7?” Don’t come with “Because 7 ate 9.” That’s wasting people’s time. You gotta come with something like, “Because 7 was a registered six offender.”

    The first break was earned by Honeysuckle, who came close enough on the following:

    “I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing form his job as a road worker…

    But, when I got home, all the signs were there.”

    So, YHC had to step it up a bit and bring it to the next level–you can’t go completely ridiculous, but Dad has to have an Ace up his sleeve. He has to come from somewhere completely unexpected, but still somehow make sense, at least a little:

    “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend…

    Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

    (And…10 merkins)

    The PAX picked up on the “unexpected angle” pretty quick and started to look for multiple directions, or misdirections. All four dads pulled out the punchline for the following and got a needed merkin break:

    “If people stood shoulder to shoulder around the equator…

    2/3 of them would drown.”

    Honeysuckle (or was is Dox?) even came up with a percentage that was almost the exact number. It was impressive.

    Somehow, though, most still got by them and they kicked themselves for missing some of the more direct ones, like:

    “Dad buys a universal remote and says…

    ‘This changes everything!’”

    or

    “A chicken coup only has two doors…

    If it had four, it would be called a chicken sedan.”

    There were a couple that came easy, though, like:

    “Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?

    It runs in your jeans.”

    But, there were still a few that were guaranteed merkins. I mean, we came to work out, right?

    “My drug test came back, and it’s negative…

    My dealer sure has some explaining to do.”

    or

    “I like to spend every day as if it’s my last…

    Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me my pudding.”

    Some were chosen just because YHC wanted to share what’s universally recognized as pure dad joke genius, like:

    “What do you call it when Batman skips church?

    Christian Bale”

    or

    “What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

    I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.”

    As we rounded the last few curves, we were skipping lights in order to get back to the flag on time. This was helped by Tap getting in a groove and nailing a few in a row, like:

    “So what if I don’t know what ‘Armageddon’ means…

    It’s not the end of the world.”

    And, we ended up finishing one minute late with the appropriate:

    “There are three types of people…

    Those who can count, and those who can’t.”

    All said and done, the PAX got 15 out of 48 correct, which meant we did 330 total merkins over 2 miles. With the distraction of the dad joke project, the merkins, though not easy, were not the focus, so we stacked them much higher than most of the PAX realized with what felt like moderate effort. Except for Pope. He knew all the jokes already, so all he was focused on was the merkins. He spent every light post run trying to use Jedi mind tricks to get the answers into their heads, dreading the impending merkins, while the rest giggled their way through what would have otherwise been a grinder.

    I’ll leave you with just a few more gems that didn’t make the cut, but should have:

    “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A carrot.”

    “This is my stepladder…

    I never knew my real ladder.”

    “I bought these shoes from a drug dealer, and I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.”

    You’re welcome. Keep working hard. Your loved ones need you.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • A to ‘ – from America’s Best

    YHC arrived early (15 seconds before Goose), full of stoke for this beatdown, but mostly for da playlist. Had one full Hawaii playlist ready, but last night, no reason, YHC switched ‘em out for one playlist of all cover songs. And, like one log cruising over da waterfall in slow motion, they were glorious. . .

    Suddenly, something even more exciting:
    “Hey guys, this is Austin.” White Meat had brought an FNG.
    My brain squirrel jumped on the thinkin’ wheel, and the gears that push the struts that crank the wheels on the train of thought began to turn.
    Austin—>Austin Powers—> Richie Cunningham … but that would have to wait.
    It was time for: The Disclaimer.
    YHC could not remember all the points of the disclaimer. Luckily Paradox, playing Cyrano to my Christian, stood right next to me feeding me the lines. I tried to talk over him, but we all know the futility of that. I swear I didn’t see this coming when I started this analogy, but Paradox is the perfect Cyrano due to their shared love of Roxan(n)e.

    Standard Warmarama
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Windmills, William Mayweather Hayes, Mountain Climbers, Arm Circles, cherry pickers

    Bumper mosey, but there was no bumper! YHC became disoriented and ran in a wandering loop… really all part of the strategy to get to higher mileage… more on that later.

    Da Kine:

    Many months ago, Enron gifted us all with an A to Z beatdown, assigning an exercise to each letter of the alphabet. YHC immediately recognized the value of this “Rosetta Stone of Exicon” and began planning an homage to (ripoff of) that beatdown.

    And so da kine would be the same as Enron’s, but using the Hawaiian alphabet, which contains only 13 letters (if you count the okina, which I did).
    They would be:
    A – Aloha, Merkins (which are just merkins)
    E – Elbow plank
    I – Imperial Walkers
    O – Okole Rollers (BBS)
    U – Upright Rows
    H – Humuhumunukunukuapua’a Humpers
    K – Kurls
    L – Lunges
    M – Merkins
    N – No, Oh Nos
    P – Push-up Pimp Merkins (which are just merkins)
    W – WW2 Sit ups
    ‘ – Prime Time Merkins

    At the last moment, YHC added that designation to the Humpers, challenging anyone to pronounce the state fish of Hawaii. Pope nailed it immediately, completely demoralizing YHC. Mahalo, Disney.

    Because the number of letters is fewer, the number of reps would be higher. YHC loves to test the brainpower of the PAX, so I let everyone know that the number would be 49, and asked if anyone knew the significance of that number. Almost in unison, the PAX fell into my trap. “Because Hawaii is the 49th state.”
    No! No no no. Trick question! Hawaii is the 50th state, and we will do 50 reps of each.
    I can only assume these dudes are streaming “Hawaii 4-9” on WebFlix.

    Like Captain Cook, we circled 2 laps around the island between sets. Sometime during one of those laps, YHC had the epiphany that I had chosen a playlist of all covers, and WetTap fartsacked his Q yesterday, remaining under his covers. This beatdown would be dedicated to WetTap.

    The PAX impressively stuck together through the first 3 or 4 letters, then began to stretch into a greater distance between men. It was interesting to see how each of us had our strengths and weaknesses. My biggest weakness? I care too much.

    We ended with more music trivia, and the PAX performed well, racking up only 7 penalty burpees for missed answers. A final double-or-nothing question was offered and quickly accepted: “Who is the music playlist dedicated to, and why?”
    Goose almost nailed it (“because we covered his Q yesterday”). Actually, his logic was better than mine. Anyway, we did 10 burpees.

    COT
    FNG became who he was meant to be: Huffy.
    Rugby Jersey of Competitive Prowess bestowed upon Honeysuckle (anything to try and slow that man down)

    Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    AB

    AB Sees: That sometimes you gotta rule wit one iron fist. ‘Specially when you might be wrong.
    Aftah da beatdown, my Apple Watch wen read 2.89 miles. One more lap around would give us all solid 3 miles.
    But had some controversy. Mo advanced running calculators worn by mo advanced runners wen show one lower mileage count. My argument: Everybody know Apple technology, while not da best, is mo common and accepted mo universally. So it wins. Kinda like [insert hated presidential candidate]. (See also: Yankee Jeaux’s iPhone conversion).
    Knowing I was up against bettah technology, YHC tried fo shut it down quick. “3 miles, I’m da Q.”

    History is written by da victors, so one final lap would give us 3 full miles.
    Naha stone drop.

    (true story: 5-year old AB talked like that, much to the dismay of his poor mother)

  • Always a Gunner – from Safety Valve

    YHC pulled up to scope things (and maybe come up with a beatdown idea) slightly earlier than usual. The air was thick and electric – the thunderstorm and lightening had YHC questioning if he should just turn around and say he overslept. Then he remembered that White Meat HC’d the night before. YHC couldn’t let a good chance go to waste to hurt that man again. In the wise words of our feathered leader, “we do not deserve to be comfortable.”

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    High knees (the real kind)
    Butt kicks
    Willy mays hays (very slow)
    mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward and backward
    Cherry Pickers

    Thang

    With it being the last weekend of premier league soccer (YHC’s team is in the running for the title this year) and YHC’s first Saturday Q, playing some sort of soccer was on the docket. But first, some time had to be “wasted”. We moseyed over to the ED white stadium.

    1 mile run under 8 minutes was ordered – everyone complied and no dishonorable discharges had to be handed out. Dox and Honeysuckle led the group with around a 7 minute pace. There was some discontent in our little group of Ronnie, Goose, Pope, and YHC. Ronnie was helping to set our pace, but a backhanded compliment about being a good person to draft behind from Goose sent Ronnie into a new level. We finished with a 7:20 pace. White meat, Popeye and Wet tap were close one our heels.

    Next, the rules of our main event was explained. We would be playing soccer, with traditional soccer rules. No throwing the ball, no punting the ball. Just plain old soccer, using your feet. There would be 3 teams all playing at the same time with one ball. In essence each team had a goal to defend and two goals they could score on. Once a team was scored on, they would be out of the game and would have to do big boy sit ups until the last team was knocked out. If someone shot and missed the goal, that entire team had to do 3 burpees. Having three teams vs two added just the perfect amount of chaos that was needed to fulfill a F3 Saturday beatdown. Three separate games were played with a “halftime” show in between each game.

    Halftime show #1 – Tubchumper by Chumpawampa
    SSH for duration of song with burpee for every “I get knocked down..”

    Halftime show #2 – Stairway to heaven
    For the duration of the song: bearcrwal to 10 yardline and do 10 merkins and sprint back, bearcrawl to 20 yardline and do 20 merkins and sprint back, etc until the song was over. This wasn’t received well.

    Observations :
    #1 – Pope is athletic. I’m not sure he ever touched a soccer ball before, but he schooled most of us, including YHC.
    #2 – White meat has balled before – don’t let that innocent face convince you otherwise
    #3 – Goose is competitive, we know this. But, soccer is his weakness. I think it’s because he can’t just toss people over his shoulder in soccer. It’s frowned upon. File this away for another day.
    #4 – What Goose lacks in soccer skills though, he makes up for it in fatherhood. Seeing Duke literally give whatever he can to the group is amazing to watch. This 4 year old’s insight of the world is so advanced for his age. He felt like he wasn’t able to contribute to his team playing soccer since his Dad was trying to run him over, but he saw a need elsewhere. He became the best ball boy any soccer pitch has ever seen. T-claps for sure.
    #5 – YHC team was full of all-stars: Lil Cuz is a master shot stopper, his skills could only be compared to Wet tap playing ultimate frisbee. Popeye was the only level minded person on the field when he decided that just playing defense is the way – let the other two teams full of cavemen go after one another first. Brilliant! See #4 for Duke.

    We made it back to flag with 3 minutes to spare. YHC thought hard about ending the beatdown early, but once again, I couldn’t let White Meat down. We laid down in the mud puddles and completed 3 minutes of Mary. Announcements were made. The rugby jersey was handed from Lil Cuz to YHC – he must have appreciated the bearcrawl to heaven earlier. Lil Cuz prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out this morning and playing some weird sport that not many people are into. Always a pleasure to lead

  • Dangling Participles – from Honeysuckle

    YHC and 8 HIMs convened at the Den Where the Lion Once Was. Knowing that Achilles tendon injuries were soon to be on the rise due to the Thibodaux “Master Plan”, the warmup was slightly extended.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Mountain Climbers, Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Cherry Pickers, Self Love

    As we’re in the middle of the May Challenge, YHC decided to spend most of the beatdown rehashing the types of things we’ve been doing to get points. Today, it would be mainly mileage, merkins, and big boy situps.

    Thang 1:

    To get the ball rolling, we began with cheddar shreddar. Some of the PAX remembered this one, others didn’t, but what YHC didn’t remember is how challenging it is. The PAX lined up in plank position shoulder to shoulder, and the PAX at the far left would move to become face to face with the PAX to his right and say “down” as they both do a merkin together.
    Then everything shifts one to the right, sort of like a conveyor belt. At the end, run to the edge of the parking lot and back only to do the cheddar shreddar again.

    To get the “silent retreat beatdown” effect, YHC suggested that maybe we didn’t need to say “down” depending on the connection felt with the PAX you’re lined up with. What resulted instead was some extremely exaggerated and loud “down!”s as different PAX felt emboldened to let out pent-up frustration and disappointment with certain of their fellow PAX.

    Thang 2:

    To continue with the merkins, a ladder exercise was to be performed starting with 5 merkins at the fresh concrete square, run to the back of the civic center to do 5 BBSs, run back to the square to do 10 merkins, and so on, until the round of 25 merkins and 25 BBSs were completed. The PAX were instructed to stay together until everyone was finished. YHC took a little too long getting those 25 BBSs and only Pope stayed behind. To the other 7 PAX, YHC would like to say, “DOWN!!”

    Thang 3:

    In the spirit of rehashing, YHC reprised the “name the thing these two songs have in common” game with “Small Town” (John Cougar Mellancamp) and “Live and Let Die” (Paul McCartney and the Wings). For the first song, hold Al Gore and every mention of “Small Town” was a jump squat or Bobby Hurley. For the second song, squats during the slow part, SSHs during the fast part, and high knees during the other part. Oh, what was the common thread to which I was referring to? It reminds me of a joke.

    A visitor from Homer at Harvard on the Bayou (Cardinal tells me I may get sued for saying that) had gotten lost looking for the building once famous for simultaneously housing the culinary school and the biology department. Upon noticing a dapper marketing professor and asked him, “Sir, where is Gouaux hall at?” Looking up from his new iPhone, the professor said, “Here at Harvard on the Bayou, we don’t end sentences with a preposition.” The Homerian native, whose chatter ability was surpassed only by his sarcasm prowess, responded, “Sir, you just did.”

    Or something like that. You may have heard another version. I cannot forget from where it is that I come FROM. This ever-changing world in which we live IN. A chickfila pops up, an ALDI pops up, and the Lion is gone.

    Thang 4:

    In the limited remaining time, the PAX attempted to descend the latter of Thang 3, starting with 25 each. We made it through 15 merkins and then ran the rest of the time to end up with 2 miles as the clock struck 6.

    Announcements/Intentions. Good luck to YJ. May you destroy your defense as well as you destroyed the wood in the expansion joints this morning. Safety Valve prayed us out.
    Kudos to the fasters. The PAX continue to inspire YHC with not only physical prowess but dedication in these other areas. It was a pleasure to Q this morning.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Staking, Less, Killer – from Honeysuckle

    A universally accepted truth is that F3 Thibodaux is the most creative F3 group among those consisting of more than one type of doctor. Which pretty much puts it in the running for most creative F3 worldwide.

    But before we go any further, warmarama:

    SSH, windmills, willie Mayes Hayes, imperial walkers, arm circles forward and reverse, cherry pickers, Carolina high knees, regular butt kicks

    The Thang:

    YHC recently got interested in how does one quantify creativity. One way is via the Remote Associates Test (RAT). This test reveals three words, and the test taker has to figure out a fourth word that connects the other three. Our example today was

    Picture, washer, shopping

    And goose correctly answered “window” as the answer. Color me shocked.

    To simplify the beatdown structure, today the PAX would instead be doing a musical RAT (see hype) with pairs of songs.

    Five Doras were planned for teams of two. Each Dora corresponded to a song pair. Transport would involve coupons in one direction (one team member takes it to the far end and runs back, the second team member does the opposite).

    The PAX could guess the connection between the pair of songs and avoid 5 thrusters at the far end of the course for the next round. In reality, YHC quickly forgot about that part and likely no thrusters were done the whole time. Send complaints to paradox@innercircle.net.

    The Doras were 200 reps per exercise.

    1) merkins, SSHs, murder bunny transport
    2) Squats, v-ups, rifle carry transport
    3)Carolina dry docks, flutter kicks, block and bear transport
    4)Apollo oh-nos, LBC, lunge transport
    5)Crab dip, WWI sit ups, rifle carry

    We sped through the last few rounds due to time.

    The corresponding songs were

    1) A View to a Kill, Duran Duran / it’s my life, Talk Talk (double names)
    2) We have all the time in the world, Louis Armstrong/ the living daylights, A-ha (James bond theme songs)
    3) Take on me, A-ha / SOS, ABBA (palindrome band names)
    4) Atlantic City, the band / blinded by the light, Manfred Mann (covers of Bruce Springsteen songs)
    5) Ride like the wind, Christopher cross / Peg, Steely Dan (Michael McDonald backups in both)

    Count off, name off, announcements, intentions. May challenge starting. Pray for families and AB fighting Covid. YHC’s bionic partner for Doras today, Lil Cuz, prayed us out.

    As always it was a pleasure and honor to Q this morning. The PAX killed this and we 1000% absolutely don’t have to worry about AI being more creative than humans after all. I will sleep well tonight.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

    I heard it on the honeysuckle vine:
    —A view to a kill is also a James Bond theme song. YJ immediately picked up on this.
    —aha was played twice in a row
    —SOS is also a palindrome
    —the group Honeysuckle also has an Atlantic City cover.
    —in Peg, Steely Dan made Michael McDonald sing multiple individual notes and these were mixed together to form different sung chords in the song.
    —Technically, the first song played in the theme of “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” is an instrumental, with the Louis Armstrong song played afterwards.
    —Louis Armstrong does not play the trumpet part in the song.

  • F3-GPT – from Cardinal

    YHC had concocted an idea for a beatdown that had been percolating for a few months now, just waiting for the perfect time to reveal itself. With the explosion of AI chatbots this year, the seed was planted – could ChatGPT craft a killer beatdown?? I mean, it’s got an internet archive treasure trove of backblasts to read. YHC would never have to be creative, or panic at 11pm the night before, again!

    Before committing to the idea, though, YHC had to make a promise to himself – whatever ChatGPT gave would be the beatdown, no edits. So below you’ll find for your reading pleasure the full, unedited response to YHC’s prompt, “Create a 45 minute F3 beatdown.”
    —————
    Certainly! Here’s a **45-minute F3 beatdown** that you can use for your workout. This routine is designed to challenge you and work your entire body. Feel free to modify or adjust it as needed:

    1. **Warm-Up** (5 minutes):
    – **SSH (Side Straddle Hops)**: 20 reps
    – **Good Mornings**: 15 reps
    – **Arm Burners**: 10 reps
    – **High Knees**: 20 seconds
    – **Butt Kickers**: 20 seconds
    – **Merkins**: 10 reps

    2. **4 Corners Circuit** (15 minutes):
    – Set up four markers in a square or rectangular shape (e.g., tennis courts).
    – Complete the following exercises at each corner, then run to the next corner:
    – **Round 1**:
    – 10 Merkins
    – 15 Squats
    – 20 Plank Jacks
    – 6 Burpees
    – **Round 2**:
    – 15 Merkins
    – 20 Squats
    – 25 Plank Jacks
    – 8 Burpees
    – **Round 3**:
    – 20 Merkins
    – 25 Squats
    – 30 Plank Jacks
    – 10 Burpees

    3. **Parking Space 11’s** (10 minutes):
    – Start on one side of the parking lot.
    – Perform 10 Merkins, then run to the other side.
    – Perform 1 Charles Shackleford (burpee with a basketball shot).
    – Repeat, decreasing Merkins by 1 and increasing Charles Shacklefords by 1 until you reach 1 Merkin and 10 Charles Shacklefords.

    4. **6 Minutes of Mary** (6 minutes):
    – Rotate through the following core exercises:
    – **The Dolly**
    – **The High Dolly**
    – **LBC (Little Baby Crunches)**
    – **The Dying Cockroach**
    – **Flutter Kick**
    – **Row The Boat**
    – **Freddie Mercury**

    5. **Circle of Trust (COT)** (4 minutes):
    – Share prayer requests and intentions with the group.
    – Consider praying for:
    – Flat Head’s daughter (upcoming test at Chapel Hill)
    – Brother Landlord’s sister (recovering from surgery)
    – Scrappy’s friend (job loss)
    – CPR’s job test
    – Everyone dealing with COVID

    Remember to push yourself but also listen to your body. Modify any exercise as needed, and encourage others during the beatdown! 🏋️‍♂️💪
    ———

    A few observations: ChatGPT didn’t do a bad job overall. It started the Warmorama with SSH’s, as it should. It nailed some classic F3 exercises flawlessly.

    It clearly can’t take into account human fatigue – we ended up scrapping round 3 of the circuit in the interest of time. And if you didn’t recognize some of those exercises, that’s because they don’t exist, but we made our best educated guess where it left us without an explanation. The general consensus was that AI’s plan was to end us all there in its effort to take over the world, but the PAX valiantly pushed through some really hard stuff. It was a sight to behold. We finished out right on time (excluding that 3rd round of the circuit) and Valve prayed us out (including the presumably real intentions offered by PAX in the past).

    Who knows, maybe YHC will pull this tactic again in a pinch.

    SYITG,

    Cardinal

  • Cheaters Often Win: The Case of the Musical Cones, uh, Coupons – from Goose

    YHC was freshly returned from the massive F3 kingdom to the West known as Houston having been exposed to a fresh, new idea for a “fun” game perfect for the open Q slot at the Peltch on Saturday. The best part was that YHC had time on the flight home to concoct numerous levels of “gaming” this game after having been exposed to its many weaknesses while among the TX PX. However, as the PAX began to pull into the gravel lot on Saturday morning, YHC realized that the carefully crafted layers of deception and illusion would be greatly tested given the particular skill sets of this cast of characters. They were as follows:

    -Cardinal: “Captain Strategio”
    -Enron: “The Prosecutor”
    -Honeysuckle: “The Brain”
    -Popeye: “The Grizzled Soldier Who’s Seen Everything”
    -Safety Valve: “The Martyr”
    -Ladybug: “What Are We Doing, Again?”

    This crew would stretch YHC’s plan to its breaking point, but these plots within plots had been strategically architected for success under any circumstances.

    We started with an extremely unorthodox warmup to shake each man off of his confident perch ion the branch of comfortable expectations and break up any unity of thought amongst the collective. It went like this: Imperial Walkers, arm circles, cherry pickers, Laffy Night Clubs, mountain climbers, self-love.

    This was followed by a song, heard at least once by most, known well by none, called “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora. SSH for the duration (big surprise), windmills during the Tarzan yells, and 8-count bodybuilders during the bridge(s) (“Night to night, Gimme the other, Gimme the other…)”.

    YHC hinted at the ridiculous length of the song by offering a prize for any who could guess it. Most guessed that it was long with Enron getting within 3 seconds (it was 6:20, he guessed 6:23). That might have been close enough for Paradox, but we took it all the way into the fade out. It felt like we were watching the entirety of the end credits of an 80’s movie.

    The time had now come to execute the plan. All PAX grabbed a coupon and moseyed to the lower field, though Ladybug somehow got stuck in a very, very long conversation with an elderly couple jogging by. If YHC had to guess by their body language, it was about the unique qualities of cinder blocks and their multifaceted role in today’s society.

    YHC had the PAX circle up around the Q about 15 ft. apart and explained that we’d be playing musical cones, with cinder blocks, without cones. There were no cones on the field. When the music started, the PAX would bear crawl around the cones…no, blocks…and when the music stopped, everyone had to touch a block. The problem, of course, is that there was one fewer blocks than PAX, so the man left out had to go to the middle. The rest of the PAX performed an exercise AMRAP for 1 minute while the man in the middle did burpees. Each exercise would be done for 5 rounds of before switching to the next one on the list (so, each of the exercises listed below was done for 5 rounds of 1 minute AMRAPs):

    -Curls
    -Overhead Press (only did 3 rounds of this–it was looking/feeling really rough)
    -Goblet Squats
    -WW3 Situps
    -All rounds: burpees in the middle, and bear crawl around the cones, I mean, blocks (shut up, Cardinal!)

    After about 30 seconds of the first round of most of these exercises, we were pretty smoked, but the PAX pressed on and didn’t complain too much. At first, the burpees seemed a nice break from the endless curls and OHP, but that didn’t last long. The bear crawls and upper body work, followed by leg work, made the burpees more of a dreaded punishment as time went on.

    It only took about three rounds for the PAX to realize YHC had yet to have to go to the middle. It was Enron, of course, who brought it up, half joking, that it was coincidental that the Q, the guy holding the phone with the musical chairs app, seemed to have a block right next to him each time the music stopped. Now, YHC was ready for this, but it came quicker than expected. Likely, The Prosecutor’s nose for injustice was sharpened by having done multiple rounds of penalty burpees in such a short period of time. Level one of the plan was, of course, merely pressing a button on my phone, but YHC knew that wouldn’t last long, so the phone began to be carried in YHC’s pocket during the bear crawls to dissuade any accusations.

    The next level of the plan was guessed at by The Brain himself, Honeysuckle; though, he overplayed his hand by saying it out loud, which made it sound ridiculous, and the PAX had a good chuckle. He guessed that there was a sensor in each block that triggered the app.
    YHC had, indeed poured new cinder blocks the week before with sensors in them (that’s why they were so heavy, Ladybug). This meant that YHC had to move more quickly than planned to Level 3: a concrete sensor in the zip pouch on the rear of my short running shorts. It senses the proximity of dense-ish concrete blocks and sends a signal to my phone, set to stop the music after YHC passed exactly three blocks.

    This was working well, except that, by this point, Safety Valve seemed to purposefully be losing, getting caught without a block about 2 out of every 3 rounds. It evoked strong pity among the PAX, combined with Enron’s incessant accusations (“I’m telling you, he’s cheating. He’s never been to the middle, no burpees. There’s no way he doesn’t ever get caught. I’m telling you, I’m a numbers guy, and I’ve done the calculations. It doesn’t add up. It’s impossible, even for a computer, I’m telling you.”). YHC could see it in their eyes every time Safety Valve dove unsuccessfully for yet another block and then drug himself to the middle for unrelenting burpees: “What are you doing to him? He’s an eye surgeon! He has young kids! When is enough enough?” YHC’s lack of burpees could only go on so long, but just how long?

    Though Ladybug’s delight at the idea of using “World War 3” as a name for an exercise distracted the PAX for a bit, YHC knew that after a short while, Captain Strategio (Cardinal) would notice the music stopping after YHC passed exactly 3 cones, so we would need to move onto Level 4: underground wiring tracking YHC’s location relative to the blocks. This would be short-lived, however, as Popeye’s face (and modification of goblet squats) revealed that he was picking up some underground radio activity in his bum knee. We only had about 2 rounds left, so YHC was about to move to Level 5, satellite tracking, but then saw Honeysuckle messing with his watch, clearly manipulating his own satellites to check for orbital signals. So, there was only one remaining option. YHC would have to do burpees. I pretended to tie with Safety Valve as we both dove for the block, and then I offered to take one for the team to ease the collective sense of injustice he’d been a victim to at YHC’s devising.

    I’m here to tell you–those burpees were hard, especially followed by bear crawling for the umpteenth time around the circle. YHC almost felt sorry for the rest of the PAX who had all done multiple rounds in the center, but I was too distracted by trying to come up with a cover story for the unexplainable “luck” I had experienced.

    We picked up the blocks and headed back to the flag for some WW1 Situps (for Ladybug) to fill the last two minutes, then COT and Popeye prayed us out.

    Ultimately, I explained that I had picked up a strategy in Houston: wide, slow circles around the cones (dammit!) blocks, and make your way forward, nice and slowly, only once the guy ahead of you commits to the next block. It seemed to good enough for about half of the PAX, though Enron could be heard muttering at church the next morning: “I’m telling you, the numbers, I’m telling you.”

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Gifts – from Paradox

    YHC rolled into the Peltch on his last day of 35 with a song in his heart and some gifts for the pax. On Tuesday YHC had been gifted with the wealth of Fort Knox and now it was time to give back. This day would be about honoring the diverse group of Thib pax and the gifts they bring to all of us. So YHC put together a birthday bucket list of destinations to honor each group .

    DUKE! theres too many candles, get out of here, its gonna blowwww!

    Warmup

    36 SSH and heavy shoulder work to prep the coupon party.

    Great to have Toeloop out to work. Sorry you showed up for day 1 of the Dox cardio revenge tour but if your eye doctor calls out a lack of cardio it puts retaliation in the drinking water and YHC got thirsty.

    Black Snake Indian run to Thunderdome

    Warmup Song

    “I’ve Been Everywhere Man ”

    Johnny Cash

    Plank

    Mountain Climbers on Cities/States

    Plank Jacks on Everywhere

    Merkins on Man

    We successfully located Shreveport And Ferriday as LA cities in the chorus and Goose prolly has some friends in a DC circle in Winnamucca or maybe thats Opelika, maybe both.

    Da Main Thang- Travel the Bucket List

    These are setup as a series of “Amazing Races” and followed by the group they were dedicated to.

    1. } Egypt – the Great Pyramid of Geezers

    -Dedicated to our aged pax. YHC draws inspiration that we aren’t going to be physical dried up bags after we turn 36. I mean our “older” guys are absolute studs and it’s a gift to see y’all reverse Father Time every beatdown.

    1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1 cawn setup

    Split into two groups , Opposite sides , Bearcrawl – Burpee with increase at each cawn.

    Goose and ladybug were team 36 north and one thing you want to avoid is lining up intentional contact with Goose as he bearcrawls his way to freedom like Andy Dufrene. Valve is still taking ibuprofen as we speak.

    2.) Stone Henge
    Dedication to the Clydesdales.
    Power over finesse , these pax make the coupon look like tea cups.

    P1 Thrusters

    P2 curls

    P3 broad jump burpee to cone and back

    3.) Great Barrier Reef

    Dedicated this one for the creativity of our pax. With a lot of confidence I can attest that our gang is one of the most creative in F3nation. The quality beatdown/backblast combos consistently produced are amazing and every time a flag is planted it’s a good time.

    P1 Pick an exericse on the exercise machine tree by the chimney. Been itching to try this thing for years.

    P2 Flutter Kicks

    P3 suicide

    To baseball field

    4.)HobbitTown

    Dedicated to the Chatter and the Fellowship. While YHC has never been much of a loaner , the quality and depth of fellowship with you men has meant so much. Standing side by side in good times and bad , this fellowship aspect has been a game-changer.

    3 man Hobbit Carry
    P1 drags P2
    P3 does 5 burpees then runs to relieve p1 until around the bases.

    To pull up bars

    5) the beauty hike a volcano in Hawaii …just kidding this one is dedicated to the colon cleansers (YHC included)

    p1 mountain Climbers

    P2 run to top of volcano

    P3 burp ups

    Back to Stone Henge for the finale

    6.) the Faith

    Rome – Vatican City

    Dedicated to the mysteries of our Faith and What God provides to sustain us through tribulation.

    P1 genuflections

    P2 heels to heaven

    P3 Carry the burden – coupon lunge walk

    Sprint back to flag for COT and Goose prayed us out.

    Men , I started F3 at 33 years old and have been floored by what God has provided through this group in the last 3 years of my life. As stated above I know no other way to describe it than a gift.

    Thank you for showing up , for your effort and for standing in the fire with me when things get tough.

    SYITG

    Devin Owens, Paradox, Thirtyyyy Five and holding