F3 New Orleans

Tag: Safety Valve

  • Superunknown – from Paradox

    During two previous Goose masterminded Holy Thursday beatdowns the pax explored themes of shared suffering and the seemingly chaotic nature of events leading up to Christ Passion.
    (See F3 Archives for these fine works of Goose et al:
    2023’s “ You Don’t Got This Bro” 2022’s “ Holy Thursday : Plenty of Material to Work With”

    YHC re-read these seminal works in preparation for Thursday and was drawn toward the Garden of Gethsemane, more specifically the time period directly after Jesus is captured and before his trial. Wondering what the disciples may have been feeling at that time…lost, scattered, dejected, confused. Everything they had worked towards all up in the air.
    Everything unknown
    You might even say Superunknown …

    Duke!! Roll the footage and fetch ABs dusty CD case from the barn ! No, not the Shania Twain.
    Grab the one with the most angsty album cover, you can’t go wrong !!

    10 pax strong on a fine cool morning at the Den.
    Pumped to see McDreamy back for round 2 andddd Valve even showed enough respect to think he needed a warmup today !

    Warmup

    Some coupon dispersement then we got down to the usual business of YHCs mind wandering while the cadence stacks up at random numbers.
    Is it difficult to chatter with Ronnie AND keep the cadence , sure , but a beatdown is all about pushing through our perceived norms. Goose took the lead stepping out of his comfort zone and showing us a few arm circle karate moves that had us all buying tickets to Diamond Dawson’s Judy Chop Seminar.

    Self Love was left to chance as we got a warm up mosey around the civic center to make sure the legs were primed.

    Thang 1

    Multitasking

    There’s a lot going on during Holy Thursday but today’s primary theme would be the disciples experience in the Garden of Gethsemane. So we start with a symbolic run showing: A) the responsibility they carried being the disciples of Christ and B) the multitasking and chaotic nature of the events of this week .

    Coupon Indian Run to the Garden

    Last man drop off for 3thrusters
    When he passes you in line you do 3 OHP.
    Chatter seemed reduced to minimal questions about where we were going and grumbles about the logistics of running with coupons and Cardinals facial expressions of “how dare you” .
    All except Pope of course . You could put a baby grand on that kids back and he would still be smiling and correcting YHCs LOTR quotes. I know I’m a broken record here but watching him pass us all up in the last 2 years has been amazing.

    We made it safely to the St Francis Garden courtyard and the pax were clearly hungry for Garden themed trivia so we dove in.

    Correct Answer – 3 manmakers
    Incorrect Answer- 6 manmakers

    1.) NYTimes ranked this flavor of Sun Chips as # out of 10.
    (A: Garden Salsa)

    *If you bring French Onion in this house prepare to walk home.

    2.) First appearing in Orlando Florida , this restaurant chain has grapes as a part of its logo.
    (A: Olive Garden )

    ***Bonus***
    What 3 dishes make up YHCs favorite meal at Olive Garden, the Tour of Italy?
    (A: Lasagna- Fetuccini Alfredo – Chicken Parmesan)
    That’s right , y’all knew YHC was cultured but were you expecting that level of class? Doubtful.
    Pretty sure Goose said Spaghetti instead of Fett Alfredo but YHC knew what song was coming up and let the grace flow early.

    3.) Famed Showman PT Barnums alleged last words were “how were the receipts at “blank” , this famed venue
    (A: Madison Square Garden)

    The PAX had successfully figured out YHCs “garden” answers and made the rest look like Enron on Jeopardy with the category “early 2000 gutter rap” …Childs play.

    Flawless 3/3 from the Pax and the 9 manmakers were just the appetizer at this garden party.

    This Lenten season YHC has been thinking and praying with some difficult things God can sometimes ask us to do in waiting. As men we often want to see Problem A and fix it with Solution B. Part of our nature can be jumping into action. Patience is likely YHCs most ignored virtue but getting to know a lot of our pax more closely over the last few years has revealed how much work God can do in our waiting.

    This next bit wouldn’t be pretty but the intensity had to be ratcheted as we approach Sunday.

    Song:
    “While I’m Waiting “
    Goose introduced most of us to this song a few years back and it’s been a top 10 on YHCs playlist since. Just a solid reminder that waiting doesn’t put us into carbon freeze, but that we can still service and worship in that state.

    Hold “Al Goosies “ – Al Gore with a Coupon
    With Coupon Goosies on “Waiting and Wait”
    Coupon Goosies are a coupon lunches and a goblet squat.

    Somehow regular Goosies look a little nicer no

    Next we ventured a little deeper into the garden.

    “ Could you not stand watch with me ?”

    P1 100 HR merkins 10 at a time – p2 *Hold Coupon Press w Leg Raises

    P1 100 Goblet Sqats 10 at a time
    P2 *Coupon Side Reach Hold

    *Both Clinically proven to reduce drowsiness in gardens.

    And now the mob comes for Jesus in the garden and he’s captured.
    Has to be one of the darkest times so far in all of the disciples times together. Tough to fathom it. When mere words will not suffice in a beatdown it’s JBLs turn . YHC wanted a song here to fully represent the mood at the time immediately following the events at the garden. I needed a SOUND some how related to a GARDEN. I needed a melancholic mood like your whole Son had just gone black …

    90s grunge don’t fail me now!!

    Song : Blackout Sun by SoundGarden

    Challenge:
    Name this Song, Album, lead singer , year released.
    Each correct would take 30 seconds off.

    Slow Mountain Climbers
    Merkins on Black Hole Sun
    Side Reach in “won’t you come”

    Lead Singer – Chris Cornell
    Album – SuperUnknown
    Year released 1994
    (More on this later)

    Mosey to Bball court

    At this point all the disciples react in different ways . Some pray, some run, some fight but all are tested in their own way.
    So we would have a test of our own as a symbol of the increasing pressure as we approach the cruxifixction.

    The Test

    EMOM Timer
    3 burpees (drop to pray)
    1 court run (run back and forth)
    3 Thrusters (draw your sword)
    -increase 1 rep each round until you cannot beat the timer

    We made it to the round of seven reps.

    Coupon Mosey to Flag in relative silence.
    Mission accomplished

    Counting and Naming

    Announced BK500 is on the books for Sept 28.

    Start considering business sponsors and have an obligatory sit down with your previous SV500 partner about the seriousness of your relationship.

    COT and Popeye prayed us out

    Thanks for following along with me. As always it’s a privilege to lead.

    A Dox of Chocolate:

    YHC has no idea what Chris Cornell had in mind when he wrote “Blackout Sun”. So a Google search was done and not much more was revealed. Some general reviews online that the song conjured up “disillusionment” , “feelings of discomfort”, “relentless heat” and “concealed darkness”. If nothing else this definitely fit the tone that YHC wanted to strike that the disciples may have felt in the garden. What I did find was an interview of the band explaining the song could be interpreted at the disgression of the audience, so I’ll give it a swing.
    My first thought was that, having been released in 1994, this song would have been a hit in the developing teen years of our pax’s 40 North club. So I imagined that motley crew playing this song…garage band style in ‘94. They would have a vague band name like “Sack of Fart” and people would debate for years if the flatulence in question was plural. Obviously Goose as baritone lead singer biding his time for a solo career. HoneySuckle on bass guitars with a “save the bees, save the world “ headband. AB as the smoky genius drummer. YJ is the quintessential band manger cutting deals and trying to figure out the “vibe” on the next record. Popeye drives the tour bus and does the pyrotechnics. WetTap as mosh pit director and occasional saxophone accompaniment. All wearing JNCo jeans with long hair and ironic sleeveless shirts . Those kids are going places they just don’t know it.

    Ok ok my first thought got carried away, it happens. But my second thought. My second thought was of the repeated line in the chorus of Blackout Sun. “Won’t you come?” It was an invitation of sorts. It reminded me that every year as we begin Holy Week we are invited to enter in to the experiences surrounding Christ’s passion. That for a moment we can put ourselves into the anguish and suffering. Into the deep prayer. Into the darkness felt by the disciples. And if we can go there then we can also begin to feel the immense and unconditional love that comes with the sacrifice. And see that no amount of chaos or despair can refute that love but that He meets us in it and works with us through it. The hope being that each year we are challenged to go a layer deeper and accept this invitation.

    “Won’t you come?”

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • Lab Rats – from Goose

    I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that YHC enjoys digging into the kinds of interpersonal dynamics that bring about surprising chemical, pscychological, emotional, and spiritual reactions. Like, why are we willing to undergo so much physical stress and call it fun when someone else is doing it with us for no reason to bad 80’s music? Why do we push so hard just because everyone else is? What moves us? What causes us to fear and move into self-preservation? What causes us to let go of our calculations and abandon ourselves to something bigger, even if that something is just a bunch of other goofballs crawling around sweating in the grass in the dark?

    The question we’d be covering today was “Why are we constantly wondering how we measure up to the men around us?” Like, why do we subconsciously measure one another to the point where we have a pretty good sense of where we stand in the pecking order of performance for pretty much every exercise? And, in whatever field/type of exercise where we don’t exactly know how we measure up, we are very motivated to find out.

    YHC was interested in breaking this down, to see how each man responded to the measuring process, and what that challenge did to his effort. The results were fascinating.

    After a substantial warmup including Lafayette Nightclubs (sans pelvic thrusts, for most of us), old school, clapping grass-grabbers, and carioca and skip running to the sidewalk and back, we completed yet another new kind of Indian Run. (YHC has been loving the creativity with these, so wanted to keep that train going, and knew we’d be sprinting with tight legs, so…) We took the mile track around Rich Man’s Loop and through Financially Stable Man’s Alley with the last man running back to the previous light pole before catching up to the front. Yes, this was a gamble, and yes, it led to a lot of running for some, especially Paradox, who ended up having to run the length of the alley approximately three times.

    Upon arrival back at the flag, YHC announced we’d be doing merkins to failure, but each man had to do more merkins than the guy to his left, otherwise he’d incur a 10 burpee penalty. And, you got to pick who you stood next to in line. Starting with Safety Valve, each man in turn chose a place in line where he thought he could do more merkins than the man to his left and less than the man on his right. Choices were made quickly–confirmation that each man already knows his place in the pecking order, or at least thinks he does.

    The only exception to this was Smooth Operator, who constantly reveals a deep, yet lighthearted appreciation for being challenged. He chose the front of the line, the strongest position, every single time. He wanted a reason to push hard, and he wanted the burpees. Seriously. He wasn’t just looking for attention. He loves being in over his head–it lights him up in a way that reveals a deep strength, a deep stability. It’s incredible to witness.

    Here were the exercises we got to (about half the ones on YHC’s list):
    -Merkins
    -Sprint (from AB’s truck to the Stop sign)
    -Plank
    -Overhead Press (coupons)

    For the merkins, the second half of the line monitored the first half for form and counting, then flip-flopped. There were definitely some miscalculations there, but nothing egregious. Most were at least within 5 of their expectations.

    The sprint was another story. I guess we just don’t do this enough, and when we do, we’re so focused on the guy we’re trying to beat or on our own need for oxygen that we don’t get a solid bead on the men around us. Cuz, Lil Cuz was lined up as second slowest, and when he blasted off the line in a powerful, white blur, all PAX knew they had chosen poorly. YHC thought later that it might have been better to have all run at once in order to have each be motivated by beating the man next to him, but we would have missed something special. The chance to watch each of the PAX powerfully give it all for almost 100 meters was a sight to behold. These are men we know, respect, and care about, so to witness each one in turn in full effect, at 100% capacity, really did something to the heart.

    This was followed by plank to failure. We chose our places in line, per usual, and then got into plank position, staggered, head to head with the men next to us. YHC didn’t know what to expect on this one, but the rest of the PAX seemed to. Safety Valve and AB lined up in what seemed to be pretty confident positions near the front (just behind Smooth), and after three or four minutes, were still planking. Paradox won his first of two awards for one-liners when he, noticing that two eye doctors were planking head to head to the death, said something about removing the plank from your brother’s eye. AB eventually melted in the face of quiet, smiling confidence, and only one or two guys had to do burpees.

    The overhead press was squeezed in with three minutes left, and after the planks and merkins, this proved to be a killer. Brains and shoulders were mush, as made clear by the amount of burpees owed afterward, so YHC just decided all would complete the 10 penalty burpees to transition us into a panting COT.

    The rugby shirt of competition was given to Valve for his impressive holdout in the eye-plank stare-down. YHC thought he was clever in offering the temporary nickname Plankopotamus, but Dox countered with his second award-winning line of the day, Plank Williams, Jr. (YHC is comfortable in my place in the pecking order, being the one who says things that are funny enough but really just serve as fodder for Dox’s wit cannon.)

    Thanks for being willing lab rats in the pitre dish of the sweaty test tube of the Bunsen muscle burner of the exerscience lab of man-fun.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Rugby: Played by men with odd-shaped balls – from America’s Best

    This day, the last day YHC could proclaim himself 47 years old, we would do what I’ve been waiting to do for a long long time: we would play rugby. YHC knew this would be a challenge, not only because of the length of time that has passed since I last touched a rugby ball, but because almost all of the PAX has likely not even watched rugby before. Luckily, Yankee Jeaux is a fellow Virginia rugger from the same era. What are the chances? YHC would lean heavily on YJ for help with this beatdown.

    Warmarama: Co-Q’ed by Yankee Jeaux (see?) as I tended to my ball.

    The first quick Thang (bc we can’t go straight to the fun):
    Ostensibly, we learned to slide-dive, by deconstructing it into a deep squat and a “Mike Tyson merkin.”
    This was actually just YHC’s way of introducing yet another type of merkin to the PAX. Someone asked: “Why are they called Mike Tyson merkins?”
    The answer is simple: Because that’s how Mike Tyson does them.

    The Main Event: Rugby

    For the first time in a quarter century, YHC donned his old rugby jersey.
    We held plank whilst the instructions and rules were outlined.
    And upon the start of play, there was much confusion. YHC almost immediately forgot one of the most important rules (allowing Goose to accidentally cheat), and YHC forgot Enron was on his team. And confusion runs downhill…

    The highlights:
    –Mom Jeans again materialized out of nowhere, and he and a shoeless Wet Tap made a living swatting passes down like Dikembe Mutombo.
    –Enron ran the sideline to the end line more than once… once as dummy half. He didn’t attempt the try but passed for a teammate to score… this caused great controversy and YHC has still not figured out if it was legal.
    –Safety Valve was awarded 1/3 of a point for kicking the ball into the top of an oak tree.
    –Cardinal and Lil Cuz caught on quickly and by halftime (there was one?) they actually looked like rugby players.
    –Goose and Paradox showcased a rivalry not seen since Deion Sanders and Jerry Rice.
    –Yankee Jeaux played with effortless confidence, shouting down the opposition with, “I wouldn’t recommend it” in a voice that was at once Michael Caine and also the “seats taken” kid from Forrest Gump.
    –Popeye lived offsides, realizing that creating mayhem was more fun.
    –Pope is fast.
    7:30 came way too soon and we moseyed back to the flags.

    COT.

    As the PAX lamented the (hopefully temporary) loss of Animal, Gigi, and The Fleece, YHC remembered he had an old practice jersey in the truck, and made a game-time decision to award it to “most competitive.”
    (“Most competitive” and “biggest cheater” are actually the identical award, with the former being a member of one’s own team, and the latter being an opponent.)

    Cardinal prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out my dudes. As always, I hope the fun outweighed the confusion.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

    AB Sees:
    An opportunity to ramble and reflect.

    This beatdown started as a tribute to my past, a swan song to my inner Uncle Rico. But it became a celebration of the present and future. The number 47 became significant to me 30 years ago, and I began see it everywhere… and I don’t just think it’s the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon. (If you need to know what that is, please see Dox, as I’d wager he’s already on the third page of his Google search results by now).
    So I always hoped that the age 47 would bring something meaningful. . .

    Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.”
    But Michael Jordan more eloquently said, “The ceiling is the roof.” Really makes you think. Perhaps the most profound thought, however, comes from 20th century philosopher William Madison, who said, “… the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution.”

    Where am I going with this? I have no idea.
    But I bid adieu to the past with this soon-to-be famous quote: “To everyone who wrote ‘stay cool’ in my middle school yearbook, I have some devastating news.”

    And the future? Well, in the past, the future was so bright, we had to wear shades.
    But that future is now the present. And now my future’s not so much bright as it is blurry, so I have to wear prescription multifocal lenses.

    So the present, it is a gift. Thanks to all of you for being a part of this extraordinary gift of F3 that came in my 47th year.

  • Stay off the grass. – from Popeye

    YHC arrived early to the den, noting a special kind of gloom in the air…
    Was it rain? No, looked good despite early forecasts. Perhaps the prospect of just two more days of work drudgery left in the week? No, my morning trek to the big sleazy and hours of staring at screens and tiresome conversations lied in wait.
    No, this special kind of gloom is the kind that brings a smirk to all smirkster’s faces… the kind of gloom one only gets to relish once in this life: when a VQ becomes a Q.
    Primed at the thought of getting comfortable being uncomfortable and sharing some positive pain with my fellow man, YHC dashed around the field of play like a cardboard sign fairy placing treats for the pax. It was going to be a fine morning.

    Warmarama:
    Imperial walkers (yes, a strict violation of protocol – one of YHC’s favorite things)
    Willie Mays Hays
    Mountain climbers
    (confessional about hating SSH)
    SSH x 50 just to throw fuel on the internal fire
    Wamarama complete, time to do some work.

    Preface:
    As most know, YHC has spent his adult life wearing the uniform of this great nation, and as such I felt compelled to share some similarities between F3 and military PT basics. Fun/bizarre names for calisthenics, “starting position move, in cadence – exercise!”, people taking it too seriously or not seriously enough – it’s the stuff that forms your foundation. But one specific element is different: in the service, you stay off the grass.
    For walking on the grass is indicative of a weak moral fiber; the man who needs to cut across the grass is the man who needs the shortcut. He’s the guy who fails to plan, and thus plans to fail. He’s the guy who orders his fitness regimen in a shot he can administer himself at home while watching sitcoms and eating chips.
    For today’s beatdown there were two rules:
    You rest in the forward-leaning rest position, and you stay off the grass; violations incur a 5 burpee fine.

    Thang 1:
    Pax directed to form 2 ranks. YHC immediately realized the pax were not accustomed to miltaryish terminology, so I directed 2 columns. Still not quite there, but it was time to mosey.
    Lap 1: Grass-free lap around the far reaches of the Harangarang, including the rarely-traveled sidewalk out front. Easy 20-30% effort pace, the kind that encourages chatter from the AB’s and Enrons of the world.
    Lap 2: The Pax upped the ante a bit, pushing the pedal to 60-70% effort. Not a sprint, but a heavy stride – the kind that breeds more gasp and less chatter. Lap ended in a pseudo-tunnel along the edge of the Harang center for fine arts and bullriding.

    Thang 2/Main event:
    The Pax were introduced to 5 stations:
    1 – 10 flights up near stairs; single or double step
    2 – 10 x WW3 sit ups + 10 Block-ees
    3 – 20 Bus Stop Derkins + 20 LBC’s
    4 – 20 Kettle/Coupon swings + 20 Apollo Ono (2=1)
    5 – 5 flights up yonder stairs, bunny hops

    Pax reluctantly broke into groups of 3, headed out to starting points, and we were off. Most teams made 3ish rounds of exercises, with YHC making some mental notes while playing third wheel to a Goose/Dox man date:
    – Not all stations are created equal, which disrupts the time/space continuum. Next time spread out the most painful station.
    – Even the JBL has its limits on the field of battle, the volume peaked but couldn’t really reach all stations (much to AB and YJ’s delight).
    – You never know who you’re going to meet at the bus stop! While derkining, MomJeans appeared out of thin air and joined in, and YHC was thankful for another member to break up the Dox/Goose blossoming bromance. As an aside, it was impossible not to be impressed with the bus stop’s solar-paneled roof – what is this, the future!?! Perhaps Thib is more progressive than I realized; I knew we were ahead of the times in teenager-looking eye doctors, but this was really inspiring.
    – Bunnies are underestimated in the animal kingdom, hopping doesn’t get easier the more you do it.
    – In a circuit format beatdown, insert rests, lest the the Pax take it upon themselves to insert slow strolls between stations like they’re browsing at TJ Maxx.

    Time was called and Aslan beckoned, with most Pax opting to traverse the grass and close out with a 5 burpee fine.

    Announcement:
    Downs 5k for Saturday, for those few who have miles left in them after RCR.

    COT / Ponzi prayed us out.

    Appendix: Appreciate the opportunity to lead the beatdown, and there will be more to come down the line. It’s funny how after being “in charge” so many times in my adult life, for a while now I’ve just enjoyed just doing as directed by the Q and seeing our brothers grow in ability and creativity. And it’s not lost on me that in the past I’ve led some people who are literally being paid to work out and push themselves physically don’t show the drive and passion and camaraderie we have amongst our group. Proud to be a part of this and SYITG.

  • Luck of the Pax – from Paradox

    7:05am March 16
    Nicholls University Campus Police Blotter

    Early calls from the freshmen dorms reporting a group of middle aged vandals loitering around the soccer fields and hollering “do your burpees” at each other . Several shirtless. Smells like Mountain Dew. Others with matching insignias and new member initiates forced into green mullets. Clear gang affiliates. The tall one responding to honks seems to be the gang leader. And looks like the goalie is the enforcer, clearly he’s done some time but gosh he looks familiar. Like I just saw him teaching supply chains familiar…weird
    .Student Officers in bound…Tasers on the ready…

    …40 minutes earlier

    Peltier Park Tennis Courts

    **YHC and Gecko putting out cones in a beautiful gloom at the tennis court, walking though the game plan and contingencies.

    YHC: “Chillier than I expected , did you bring your gloves bud ?”

    Gecko (looking at the blueprint):
    “I think I might get warm when we do burpees , if not we should just run more.”

    YHC : (silence) *A single tear of pride rolls down one cheek. “You’re right buddy, you’re so right..**adds more burpees to notes section **
    Let’s go find some bully boys! “

    Duke!!
    those beans are not magically delicious!
    Roll that beautiful footage!

    Warmup
    YHC and Gecko rolled in from setup to unveil the newest F3 Thib Logo shovel flag to 13 other Pax ready to roll.

    Wet Tap has been working overtime in the studio to crank out a high quality shovel/pole setup and we finally put the components together for a world premiere. It was glorious.
    Will be a great addition to rep our crew at major gatherings.

    ParO’dox McBurpee and GeckOCallahan took care of the rest of warmup with the usuals.
    Some pax commented the Irish accent had declined with a whole year to improve and these pax were politely asked to write their local representatives with further complaints.

    Proper Irishmen Run

    Drop off man does 3 Bonnie Blair’s on our way to Tennis Court.

    At Tennis Court :

    Irish Trivia Opener

    AB, our most Irish heritaged Pax, lended YHC a beatdown consult with the below trivia opener.

    YHC tried to give this nugget of info but the caffeine and nerves sometimes make me delete entire words . It came out “yours Truly Americas Best made these trivia “
    Not accurate but I think “yours Truly , Americas Best” has NYT bestseller potential.

    I’ll wait on my royalties check.

    The Questions :

    1.) Contrary to urban legends (possibly meant to deter tourists from fully experiencing the attraction), local teenagers and drunkards do not pee on this Irish landmark.
    Answer: The Blarney Stoney

    Goose picked this one up immediately and YHC Introduced the Blarney Stone…

    We would roll a large dice with 6 options
    1: Trivia
    2: Trivia
    3: Burpees
    4; Merkins
    5: BBSU
    6 Bonnie Blair’s

    We did assorted rounds of the above with 10 reps each and the below trivia mixed in . 10 merkins correct , 10 burpees in correct

    2.0 question for the next generation of Llamas:

    What’s the tagline for the cereal Lucky Charms?
    -“they’re magically delicious “

    **FNG (soon to be named Daryl Starwberry) took care of this one! Strong Work

    According to legend what is a Leprechsuns occupation?
    -shoemaker

    What meat and vegetable dish is trademarked as the St Patrick’s Day meal.
    -corned beef and cabbage

    *late edition asked post beatdown

    This common term defines something “broken into many pieces”
    It comes from the Irish word, “Smidrini “

    Smithereens !

    Next was a clover Dora to honor the Prayer of St Patrick a
    D work the quads into Smithereens!

    In this prayer St Patrick asks God to remind him of his presence during all things.
    (Excerpt below)

    “Christ on my right, Christ on my left, 
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, 
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me”

    So we would honor this with a Dora with multiple exercise positions .

    Partnered up for :
    100 Apollo Ohno (1:1) Lunge walk
    200 Heels To Heaven – Nur
    300 SSH- Mosey

    YHC cut this a bit short so we would have time for some proper Irish competition

    The Grand Finale

    F3 Gaelic football

    Rules
    -goals scored by kicking the ball in , this can be accomplished by kicking the ball from the ground or dropping the ball from your hands to feet.

    – You can only take 4 steps then must pass advance the ball by throwing or kicking BUT every time you pass you must pay in burpees kick (1 burp) or throw (3 burp)
    – after score opposite team inbounds the ball

    To be honest this was one of those F3 games that YHC thought could either be fun or turn into a raging chaotic lava dumpster of epic proportions (like a Maui thang but with a soccer ball if you need a visual)
    But with the pax help on some minor tweaks (shout out to YJ for the “only kick goals in ” idea and Goose for switching us to shirts/skins) we settled in for a fiercely competitive yet tremendously fun game of Gaelic foosball.
    One of YhCs many favorite things about F3 is watching Pax of all ages switch into their respective competitive modes…it’s pure magic.

    Tough to describe but A few examples may suffice.

    Goose turned into a field general seeing every angle of competitive advantage. Lox turned shimmering golden and started calling his quads “Goku” and “Gohan”. Dilly had eyes every where, seeing passes with Lebron like court vision and flexing lightning fast twitch pickle ball calves. YJ turned back the clock 20 years diving on saves, you can replace those joints later my friend . Valve was basically imported straight from Real Madrid and kept saying “Olayyy” and doing knee slides . Captain D’s transformed into Captain Defense locking up the opponents top talents. Ronnie’s eagle vision noted pax rule infractions from 100 yards away as he led a legion of 2.0 goalies. Suckle was simply every where , in every play floating butterfly like on defense, only out done by his offensive sting! Pope did athletic Pope things that only a Sports Science episode could break down. Smooth broke the all time Gaelic football assist record despite previously asserting he would only participate in American football.
    The 2.0s scrapped about biting ankles and popping up from falls that would put their Dads in the stretcher.
    No clue where we ended on the scorecard , yHC just knows he was ready to announce we were going to play till the street lights went out and our wives came looking for us but alas 7:30a came too soon.

    A mosey back to the Flags (plural!) and some Mary to wrap a bow on it.

    Announcements:

    Getting rolling with some Brothers Keeper work.

    Check GroupMe for updates and marathon commitments/decommitments.

    COT and YJ prayed us out

    Welcome Daryl Strawberry !!
    (Genius name)

    It’s a privilege to lead you men.

    Epilogue

    University Police
    7:25 am

    The officer walked back to his car slowly as he reported his findings to his superior on the radio.

    “No arrest , not even a ticket to show! “

    His hands were raised in disbelief.

    “I don’t get it. The reports were clear. No vandals, no gangs, no lewd behavior…heck not even a mid life crisis !!”

    He paused and stared out the window of his car as the men cheered at a final goal scored.

    “ Just a couple men playing a hybrid soccer game…diving into stickers to do burpees and calling each other weird names …seemingly in the prime of their life. It’s crazy , my Psych 100 class says these are the guys that are lonely, depressed , and mad at the world and I tell you the crazy part …it looks fun …like they are really having fun”

    “Huh…just lucky I guess “ the supervising officer quipped

    “I don’t know ..” he said back as he watched them disappear into the gloom.

    “Doesn’t seem like luck has anything to do with it ….”

    SYITG

    Dox

  • St. Joseph and a Psycho Killer – from Goose

    There are rare occasions upon which YHC comes to discover that his firm opinions about some or other aspect of life may not be as accurate or informed as he once thought. And, sometimes, on even rarer occasions, YHC might even seek out deeper or unknown aspects of a particular area of life that much of the population seem to value but YHC sees as worthless or worse. This morning, YHC would share the results of one such venture.

    in a sliver of openness to potential value of country music, YHC stumbled across an old gem: “Psycho” by Jack Kittel, recorded in 1974. And, that’s as far as it got. No need to foray any deeper. The refrain starts, in a slow Texas drawl, “You think I’m psycho don’t you, mama?” So much for country.

    When YHC revealed that we’d be utilizing the results of his recent country study in this morning’s first exercise, the PAX had high hopes for either a country-conversion or something funny like “I Wanna Marry the Troops”. It didn’t take long for those hopes and giggles to fade into a few quetly uttered, “Oh, no”s.
    -Plank for the duration, merkins on “mama”.

    We recovered (physically), and moved into the actual theme of the beatdown, St. Joseph’s Day.
    St. Joseph went through some tough stuff, but it allowed him to participate at the deepest level in the most incredible, important event that has ever occurred on earth: God became man and lived among us. But, it wasn’t until he allowed himself, his decision-making to be led by a God he trusted despite not being able to see where it was all going.

    St. Joseph Dora–partner up for:

    1. St. Joseph finds out she’s pregnant and tries to sneak out and hit the road, but is stopped by the Angel Gabriel and runs back to Mary and her child: 100 Australian Sweat Angels, P2 sneaks out to the street and runs to the stop sign and nurs back.

    2. The governor selfishly calls for a census and forces everyone to travel back to the place of their heredity, and Joseph leads pregnant Mary all the way to Bethlehem, where he finds no room for them. But all these horrible circumstances lead to the fulfillment of many important prophecies and ultimately the revelation of God-become-man in a newborn: 200 genuflections while partner bear crawls to the sidewalk and runs back. (The Bonnie Blair b-day celebration yesterday made for some slow, sloppy genuflections.)

    3. The psycho king moves to kill all the young children in Bethlehem, and though God saves his son from an early death, He doesn’t stop Herod (or anyone else from then till now) from causing unimaginable suffering. Joseph flees with the baby and his mother to Egypt in obedience to the angel: 300 mummy walks (straight legs, toes touching outstretched hands) while partner cariocas to the sidewalk and back.

    After this, YHC waxed a bit on the nature of God’s decision to allow evil and suffering to continue in order to safeguard man’s freedom, which is required for his capacity to fully live and love. Instead of messing with that, in a genius stroke, he entered into our suffering, united himself to us exactly where he knew we felt most vulnerable, alone, and human. He knew that sharing our suffering (completely) would be an infinitely greater gift than taking it away, and he allowed St. Josph to do this with him from the very moment of his conception in Mary’s womb.

    They went through some tough stuff, but St. Joseph also got to live with him in their small little family and help form him into the man God had planned for him to be. Life in this family had to be incredibly blessed, so we would share in that blessing by sharing some suffering, too.

    Split into groups of 3: while one does 15 8-count bodybuilders, the other two are doing either LBC’s or SSH until he’s finished, then they rotate. Once done, they caught a quick 10-count before heading up to the Stage with 5. minutes remaining on the clock.

    One of the things St. Joseph is most known for is being upside down, buried in someone’s yard. The homeowners are under the impression this will somehow bring about the speedy sale of their home….No idea.

    In reparation for our boy being put so often into the dirt headfirst like a tent stake, the PAX took their positions, each near a column, for a Balls to the Wall Merkin Ring of Fire. Upside down, with feet up on the post and hands on the ground, the PAX took turns doing an upside down, head-first merkin, counting by each up to 40. Any further and more than one PAX would have passed out (and dental waivers may have needed to be passed out, too).

    We finished exactly at 6:00 and stepped down for COT, and Valve prayed us out.

    St. Joseph gave one of the best examples of how shared suffering is more of a gift than any comfort, knowledge, wealth, or fame could ever provide. He was allowed to share in God’s own suffering and life. This may sound unrealistic, but why else would 8 men show up at 5:15 am to let someone else tell them what they’re all gonna do, and the only guarantee is that it will hurt. And we can’t get enough. It’s not because we’re crazy, but because we were made for so much more than just avoiding pain and getting through day. We were made to choose to enter into life fully, and to do that with and for others in spite of (and actually through) suffering.

    Thanks for being willing to suffer with me this morning, fellas! I’ve never felt so alive!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Bonnie’s Bithday Bash – from Safety Valve

    Today we gathered to celebrate and commemorate the career of Bonnie Blair. Today is her birthday. On March 18, 1964 a legend was born. Speed skating was in her blood. Her Godmother was a Canadian speed skater and Blair herself started skating at the age of 2, becoming competitive by age 4. She was 19 when she debuted for the United States for the Olympics. During her speed skating career she amassed several World championships, and was the most decorated female speed skater of her time with 5 gold medals and a bronze medal during the Olympics. Today is for you Bonnie. Thank you for all the pain and gain that your namesake has created over the years.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Wind mills
    Willie Mayes Hayes
    Mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward

    The Thangs
    Mosey to Rich mans loop. The loop became our ice rink/circuit with some imagination.

    Loop 1
    Speed skater training – Bonnie wasn’t born going as fast as she could. It took years of training to ultimately beat the World record and then beat her own world record several times. We focused on lower body strengthening to make us go fast.

    We ran the length of the loop stopping at every other light post, at which time an exercise was called out. The PAX were to complete 10 reps of that exercise and we moved on to the next light post. On the last two light poles, we pretended to speed skate (basically a run lunge kinda thing) and then sprint to the finish. PAX stayed together.

    10 squats
    10 squat jumps
    10 One legged squats right
    10 One legged squats left
    10 Apollo Oh nos

    Loop 2
    World skating competitions- this is where athletes compete yearly to improve themselves for the big stage (Olympics). Same as the last loop, we ran the length of the loop stopping every other light post to do the exercises below. We finished again with a pretend speed skater and a sprint to the finish. Pax stayed together.

    5 Bonnie Blair’s
    5 Goosies
    5 Gold Stars – Bonnie Blair then star jump
    5 Burpee Blairs – Bonnie Blair then Merkin
    5 Bonnie Blairs

    Loop 3
    The Olympics – we made it. No more Mr. Nice guy. This is the time to show what you have been training for. This one was on your own. Run the loop and complete the previous Bonnie exercises at each of the four corners of the loop. 15 reps instead of 5.

    15 Bonnie Blair’s
    15 Goosies
    15 Gold Stars – Bonnie Blair then star jump
    15 Burpee Blairs – Bonnie Blair then Merkin

    Gold medal – Pope
    Silver – Americas Best
    Bronze – Lil Cuz

    Completed our mile back to the flag and the finalist led us in a Mary. Pope calling for flying cockroaches, AB calling for “proper” leg raises where the feet never touched the ground, and Lil cuz finishing with penguins.

    COT, intentions and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Reflection on Bonnie’s success – Bonnie started skating at the age of 2. With constant instruction/coaching and with continued practice, it took her 22 years to earn her first Gold medal. Even with everything on her side going perfectly, it took 22 years for her to receive the ultimate “prize”. She truly was an amazing athlete to accomplish what she did, but Bonnie didn’t break a record every time she skated. Her best was a sub 39 second 500 meter sprint – she beat her own world record then. Her worst the next day was probably 45 seconds. She didn’t give up because one day was tough. She kept going to try and be the best version of herself possible. Things in this life may not work out when or how you want them to every time. Sticking to what you believe in and following your calling will bring you success. Maybe not in the way you think now, but in the way God wants it to happen later. Don’t ever give up on trying to be a better version of yourself. There is always potential to grow.

    Side note – Bonnie Blair supposedly is from a Scottish-Irish background. Thank you AB for the constant reminder of things that YHC does not know. The random bits of trivia you know never ceases to amaze. This is why YHC has not been invited on a trivia team trip yet. Waiting on that call though

  • “Pain exists in the mind.” – from America’s Best

    What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An ear (ehr)worm?
    No… a free men’s workout. Resilient… highly contagious. And once an idea for a beatdown has taken hold of the brain, it’s almost impossible to eradicate.
    Months ago, the idea for this beatdown was planted into YHC’s fragile eggshell mind by Paradox.
    Now, YHC had not seen Inception in years, so a refresher was necessary.
    (Since the movie is currently available only on Canadian Netflix, YHC may have had to commit some “light violation” of Netflix’s terms of service in order to view the movie.)

    Began as usual, with Warmarama, but YHC wanted to set up the disorientation and confusion early. Only 3 SSH were done; Enron looked up from setting his Whoop, and it was over.

    The first thang:
    The entire PAX enters together into the first dream layer:
    Dream on (Aerosmith)- Hold Al Gore during music, SSH during lyrics. Burpee on “sing,” merkin on “dream”, then change to hold plank and and merkins all subsequent “sing”s and “dream”s.

    Second Thang: for the next dream layer, it’s necessary to break into smaller groups.
    So we divided into partners and performed a Musical Dora – one partner does curls during song 1, and thrusters during 2nd song. Other partner is running a lap, and doing 5 derkins on the hill.

    Deepest dream layer: Limbo, on your own.
    In the world of Inception, Limbo is an “expanse of infinite raw subconscious,” described as “unconstructed dream space.”
    And so it came to be that we would suffer the deconstructed burpees of Yankee Jeaux’s dreams (Jurpees) in unconstructed dream space. AMRAP. On your own.
    For your listening pleasure: Sweet Dreams (are made of these) and Good Old Fashioned Nightmare.
    Not sure if the entire PAX experienced the extreme time dilation YHC did here, but these two songs seemed to last about 4 hours.

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” was the song used in Inception to alert the dreamers to wake into the higher dream state.
    So when it played, we ran a lap around the civic center to “kick” back out of limbo and up into the second dream.

    Second Thang again:Repeated Musical Dora, this time with sit ups on the (up) hill.
    May I submit that this exercise henceforth be known as “the drug mule”? Because when I was done I had so much grass in my crack I felt like I was crossing the border with Cheech and Chong.

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” played again, so again we ran a lap around CC (before song ends!) and reunited entire PAX to finish up in the original dream.

    And the last thang:
    “Wake Me Up” : flutter kicks until chorus. Big boy sit ups during chorus, Big Boy Sit Up Ups (stand ups)on “Wake Me”; Freddy Mercury during breakdown

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” was supposed to play one final time. Maybe we were supposed to run one more lap?
    Either way, not sure if we got to that final bit… but I hope this blast has summed up the rigorous confusion of the beatdown.

    COT. Goose prayed us out.

    Thanks for showing up for the mayhem. Always an honor to lead you maniacs.

    AB Sees…
    A parallel between Han Solo and Yankee Jeaux:

    How was I confident that we could make the lap around the Civic Center before that French song ended? First, a story:
    Han Solo claimed that his Millennium Falcon “made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.” Critics and nerds love to point out that this makes no sense, because a parsec is a unit of distance, not time.

    A few weeks ago, YHC was planning this beatdown and so asked YJ “how long does it take to run a lap around the Civic Center?” His answer: 0.3 miles.

    So how was I confident we would make it in time?
    Not at all. But Goose was back! And showing up only minutes after me, informed me “I’m going to run a few laps to warm up.”
    Giving me the perfect opportunity to time him… as long as we can all run like Goose, we should be fine. How confident was I that we could all run like Goose?
    Not at all. But sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. Or otherwise, “become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.”

  • The Prayer of Pain – from Cardinal

    We find ourselves in the season of Lent, where people tend to try to recommit to focusing on the spiritual side of things. YHC, being a Catholic priest, sees it often and often hears the question of feeling like you don’t know how to pray. Some have said the psalms are a great place to start, because it’s essentially a prayer book in the Bible. YHC would agree with that “some,” because it’s the psalms that first brought him deeper into a relationship with God. (Sky Q? Nah.) So a beatdown based on the psalms was devised that would prove to be less prayerful and more painful…

    A standard fare Warmorama was had, including imperial walkers, side straddle hops, arm circles and cherry pickers, high knees and butt kicks, and some self-love. First lesson of prayer – let go of expectations (like you HAVE to start with SSH) and be open to what God has to say.

    YHC crafted a playlist of songs based on several of the psalms. Each song was paired with an exercise, with the psalm’s number of reps having to be completed before the song finished. (So for example, the song based on Psalm 139 would require 139 squats to be completed in the duration of the song.) The PAX didn’t know how long the songs were, so it was a guess as to how much time you had to finish it. Numbers were pulled at random to really let God have the final say.

    The PAX had enough time for 5 songs, which were as follows:
    1. Psalm 46 – 8-count body builders
    2. Psalm 57 – Burpees
    3. Psalm 98 – Big boys
    4. Psalm 84 – hand-release merkins
    5. Psalm 16 – 15-yard-choice of crab walk or bear crawl

    A couple of observations…
    1. The plank jack in the 8-count makes a HUGE difference. The burpees after that felt like a breeeeezeeeeeeeeee….mostly…until the second half…
    2. YHC wasn’t entirely confident that he had matched the exercises with the rep count and timing that well, but the PAX handled it like champs. They dug into it with everything they had, and it was really a sight to behold. Many were able to complete most of them. But whether you finished it or not, it was clear they were pushing through without holding back. I could really give the Animal (who’s got that again??) to any of them.
    3. That drive also kept chatter to a minimum.
    4. YHC can’t count to above 20 to save his life.
    5. The last bear crawl, YHC witnessed a bear crawl race…AB’s bear crawl is really a sight to behold.

    In between each song, we had a couple 10-counts and a recovery lap to prep us for the next one.

    We finished with a light penalty for those who didn’t complete any (mercy, right?? SSH vs calf raises) and then a couple minutes of MARY to close us out.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    Grateful to the PAX for pushing through this morning. One of them commented “Prayer, fasting, almsgiving…and pain, the 4th pillar of Lent.” Praying with the pain, with the hard stuff, even if it feels fruitless in the moment, is some of the most fruitful experiences of prayer I’ve ever had. When we keep giving everything, whether we feel like we’re failing or not, God can do incredible things. Keep pushing through, brothers, relying not on your own strength or measure of success but on His.

    “Lord of hosts, you’re with us
    With us in the fire
    With us as a shelter
    With us in the storm.

    You will lead us
    Through the fiercest battle
    Oh, where else would we go?
    But with the Lord of Hosts.”

    SYITG,

    Cardinal

  • Mist Opportunities – from Honeysuckle

    It was a foggy morning and YHC had the title of this blast picked out before leaving home. It was an agonizing night realizing that the beatdown was about taking the PAX on a “virtual downrange” modeled after YHC’s Southport NC downrange experience last month, and with the addition of Bibs actually downranging, the perfect opportunity for an Inception-like Q was possible. Where are we now? Mobile? Thibodaux? Southport? The only way to know for sure is if the farts during ab work have an odor, you are not downrange.

    But not putting together that concept was a missed opportunity.

    Fortunately, opportunities are all around us.

    The promise of an FNG and Bibs downranging brought an energy and excitement to the Den, then the arrival of French Horn turned it up to 11. Another FNG (FNG 2) joined after watching from a distance for a while from the Civic center.

    We began with the usual warmarama, to a point where YHC started to introduce some of the differences experienced during the downrange.

    Side straddle hops

    Arm circles both ways

    Cherry pickers

    Imperial Walkers

    Pebble pickers – Willie Mays Hayes but perpendicular. Similar to grass grabbers? The PAX yawned, but YHC knew the next wrinkle would get their attention.

    High knees, but performed to the Imperial Walker pace. No jumping or running in place. You could have sworn it was a spa day with all the relaxed sighs, oohs, and aahs.

    Butt kicks, same concept. Low impact.

    Mountain climbers. Maybe they could have been done slowly but YHC went back to the usual pace.

    Equalizer. At times I definitely felt the “swing” that Goose referred to in his rowing beatdown.

    Thang 1

    Line up at the side walk. Start with 1 lunge walk steps, then four bear crawl steps. Then 2 lunge walk steps and 8 bear crawl steps. Then 3 and 12. And so on. When we reached the driveway near the oak trees, start over and go back.

    In Southport I was near the front of the pack. Today I was near the back. That is a testament to the fitness of our Thibodaux PAX.

    Thang 2

    Short mosey to the NE corner of the Civic Center. At this corner, we were to do 30 air squats. Then run to the NW corner and do 30 merkins. Then run to the next corner and do 30 WWI situps. Then run to the last corner and do 30 squat jumps. Then run to the Lion. In Southport, this was done in the equivalent of a city block in downtown Thibodaux.

    Planked at the end. After everyone was in plank position, we did 10 donkey kicks with the right leg and 10 donkey kicks with the left leg. Downrange, the Q did this while waiting for the six. Again, today we really didn’t have any six.

    Thang 3

    Short mosey to the north facing wall of the Civic center. PAX split up into two groups for each to do the Chedda Shredda. Line up shoulder to shoulder in plank position. The PAX at the end would crawl and align themselves head to head with the next PAX and they do a merkin together. Then the mobile (as in moving, not Mobile, AL) PAX moves down the line to the next PAX and those do a merkin together. While the mobile PAX goes down the line, the next PAX also goes mobile. And so on. The effect is sort of like tank tracks or cheese shreds falling when being shredded.

    After the team finished, sprint to the end of the parking lot and back.

    Then we did it all over again to perfect it. Something about needing more eye contact.

    Thang 4

    Chair position at the civic center wall, and the first PAX does four air shoulder presses. Then the second PAX, then the third, all down the line.

    Balls to the wall, and do the same thing with four shoulder taps. That was tough today. YHC didn’t realize how much adrenaline must have been flowing while downrange.

    Thang 5

    Indian run around the civic center. Last PAX drops off and does 3 merkins. YHC learned that FNG1 liked to run and was fast. So there was quite a variance in pace as we proceeded. This must have looked like a slinky.

    Thang 6

    At the Southport beatdown, there was another equalizer at this point so we did that too. After that, they have a tradition to do 10 burpees for the men who have not returned to a beatdown, or that haven’t been back in a while. So that is what we did as well.

    Since we had a few minutes left, we did a few minutes of Mary. Flutter kicks, Freddy Mercuries, LBCs, all in cadence.

    COT

    16 PAX counted off. FNG2 was named first. Yankee Joe must have heard at some point that FNG2 had the nickname Schouestmeister, which seemed like a good F3 name choice. Then FNG1 stepped up. YHC expected there to be an immediate consensus on his name but we found ourselves back at the drawing board. America’s Best made a connection to FNG1’s sheep and the fact that he’s a doctor to get to McDreamy, and there were a few supporters but FNG1 didn’t seem to like it so that sealed the deal. Welcome to both!

    Bibs mentioned a couple of events in his neck of the woods during announceorama that
    perhaps we’ll get a little more info on.

    AB prayed us out, Dox photoed us out.

    Each one of us there today had an opportunity to attend and did not miss it. Bibs had the opportunity to visit another AO for a workout and took it. The PAX had an opportunity to welcome two FNGs, one very unexpectedly. Tclaps to McDreamy for taking the opportunity to walk into a new experience and then killing it. Tclaps to Schouestmeister for being where he was this morning, for whatever reason, probably not realizing that a bunch of guys would show up and get in a circle, and then deciding to join that circle.

    When YHC went downrange, YHC didn’t know exactly what to expect, but had confidence that the experience would be worthwhile due to how F3 was set up. YHC was welcomed in without hesitation and the beatdown structure was familiar (in that there is very little structure). YHC walked away with even more appreciation of F3 because it delivered as promised. Your name is your membership card. (Now if we could only get Firehouse subs to also accept F3 names during their “if your name starts with the letter H…” promotions.)

    Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of it all.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle