F3 New Orleans

Tag: Scantron

  • Stretch, Run, and Whatever KB was Gettin’ Done – from Bolt

    YHC got a HC from Pillsbury the night before, making him a Kotter and thus, there was no backing out of the gloom this rainy morning. The S&M crew found the marathon preppers fast at work well before the disclaimer as we made our way to the pavilion with a guest appearance by KnOTS’ own Scantron. KB brought toys and flailed about as the S&M crew did their thing.
    We reassembled in the rain for COT; honored as always.

  • Unlucky #13 – from Architect

    Q woke up eager to push the PAX with a memorable workout in honor of his daughter’s 13th birthday. To the Q’s delight, there were 13 PAX in the gloom, can’t ask for a better sign.

    Warm-a-rama with 13 of everything.

    Rocks selected, mosey to parking lot.

    13 Big boys, 13 Merkins, 13 Squats, 13 OH Presses, Run 50 yards
    Repeat….13 times

    Ended with 13 Burpees as icing on the cake.

    COT with special focus on Men’s Mental health.

  • Good to see people – from Charmin

    As usual, YHC arrived to find the runners there early and even a few KnOTters. By the time 5:30 arrived, Boo-Boo was there to ruck, in addition to bringing news that Bolt would be arriving shortly.

    After going around the track and finding all the gates locked, we met with Bolt on the track and realized that our neighborhood time would need to be brief.

    On YHC’s way back, we saw a Rougarou leaving saying that he’s finally had it with walking backwards. “Why can we walk forwards, and get to our stretching spot quicker?” he muttered under his breath before crossing over the train tracks.

    COT ended with praying for all those struggling physically, but more importantly mentally. Don’t hesitate on reaching out to fellow Pax.

  • 2nd Manniversary – from Pool Boy

    Warmups consisted of
    SSH’s
    Imperial Walkers
    Grass Grabbers
    Burpees
    Abe Vigoda’s
    THANG
    1.Grab a rock and head to the Pavilion for 3 rounds of:
    Curls
    Dips
    Step Ups
    Decline Merkins
    2.Headed to the parking lot
    Run to the fire hydrant and back to the start with exercises consisting of SSH’s, LBC’s and Merkins
    3.Ring of Fire
    Rifle carry while the one in the middle did burpees on first round and squats on the second
    We finished with some donkey kicks, burpees and lunges

    We welcomed FNG Kilo to the group.
    Mary and COT

  • The “Rubber” Incident – from Mr Rodgers

    So, I rolled into the gloom around 5:20 a.m., eagerly waiting to spot some pax—you know, real people to suffer with. But alas, it was just me and the darkness. Then, out of the shadows at 5:28 a.m., the Knees Over Toes squad emerged like a twisted scene from a horror flick. Rougaroo whipped out some rubber band thing (yeah, no thanks!), and I was left wondering if I’d stumbled into an unauthorized stretch therapy group.

    At this point, the likelihood of going solo was high. I even started prepping for my own lonely beatdown… but then, salvation! A train came by, summoning four late pax with impeccable timing. With no time for a disclaimer, we set off, breezing through some Abe Vagotas, grass grabbers, and side straddle hops with a flair that only exhaustion at dawn could bring.

    Then it was time for the main event: “Friend Cindy”—aka 5 pull-ups, 10 merkins, and 15 air squats paired with half-bleacher sprints. We hammered out 4 rounds, netting 40 pull-ups, 100 merkins, and 120 air squats, because apparently, we were feeling ambitious.

    We rounded it all out with some good ol’ Mary and wrapped up by the flag for a quick prayer.

  • Awesomeness – from Vagabond

    Ladder / suicide
    1st tree 1 Bobby Hurley and back pedal up to 9 trees

    Pax Choice Gazebo twice around

    Mary

  • Babysteps for Big Runners – from Charmin

    They Runners said that they were taking a book from Scantron’s Knotting experience; they figured if he could walk backwards and have it count for the beatdown, that surely they could take babysteps around Pontiff for 40 minutes and have it count as well.

    Meanwhile YHC rucked the normal route and lead the COT back at the proverbial shovel flag. Beautiful morning to get out!

  • A Rebel Without A Cause – from Mahatma

    It was Friday 10/10 YHC was heading to The Uptowner with a plan in mind pulling up with 2 minutes to go seeing 4-5 pax standing in the gloom. Upon entering the bullpen Squints starts the disclaimer to YHC’s surprise and there was short discussion who had the Q. Mr Rogers clarified and YHC confirmed his attempt to sign up was a failure! So humbly YHC fell in line to what was a solid beatdown from Squints. Yet the story continues in that determined not to make the same error YHC pulled up the Q sheet and saw Monday’s RC was open and quickly added his name, after all it was going to be epic either way as it was going to be pay day either way for Mahatma or Handgranda – the emphasis “pie bet” on the Ol”miss” VS LSU. The back story has been building for months if not years as Handgranada has been waiting for a year that he was corndfinent a Rebel victory was a high probability! He openly declared a bet at the beginning of the season that the Rebels would easily defeat Mahatma’s Tigers so with to many Pax witnessing this bet there was no backing down (or reengaging on Handgranada’s part) and the Oct 12th day of reckoning was set! Well it’s now in the history books as the game was played and the outcome came with LSU defeating the high statistical leading Rebels 26-23 in an epic game in OT!

    YHC was uncertain if the Rebel fan was going to show so his Pie preparation was not the standard recipe but a “lite” provision was made just in case….

    Pulling up there was a number of Pax in the bullpen as YHC approached with flag in hand and the 1st greeting was in fact from the Rebel! With time short and a few smirks from the Pax beginning YHC gave a disclaimer and the festivities began.

    Warmup
    Some general stuff and a little smack talk added by YHC as a reminder of some highlights of Sat game.

    Preceded by 3 rounds of 3 at the pull up bars
    Then a slow jog to the hill
    1771 – Vups and Merkins with a bear crawl up and a run down. Thanks to The Architect for clarifying the sequence of 17 and 71

    From here on to the rock pile where there was some bantering of more game highlights and low and behold out of no where Rudy added his color perspective that LSU’s receiver catching the winning touch down actually should have been called for offensive pass interference overlooking that while it was a skillfully executed play, his Irish have won so many games by no calls that YHC could only appreciate the similarities of the Irish and Rebel fan base!
    Pax were instructed to grab a medium rock….Mr Rogers and Bogey have a huge variation of the meaning yet it all worked out as each Pax had a turn with every rock brought out for the group. Various exercises and tempos were completed with a little Mary to wrap up the beatdown.

    As rocks were returned to place the Pax was eager to get back but YHC slowed their roll wanting to enjoy the saunter back all the while playing the Fighting Tigers Fight Song for setting the mood of what was to come.

    Arriving back Scantron and Rougarou were stretching out from their Knots patently waiting for the RC crew’s return. COT commenced with YHC asking Rudy to pray out the Pax while he went to the truck to whip up the coming pie! From here I will say YHC enjoyed the thrill of giving the victory pie BUT humbly knows all good things must and will come to an end when someday he will be on the receiving end! That said there is always an open invitation to take the bet. For the Rebel without a Cause….Handgranada excepted his pie like a man. The video will be attached again for those that may want to review the live action!

    All in good fun that is no doubt a part of our F3 culture. Simper Fi

  • No Man Left Behind (Even When We Try) – from Triple Shift

    It was 1:00 in the afternoon, and the temperatures in the Canyon were nearing their forecasted peak of 105°F. Hawgcycle cooled off by standing on the moss-covered rocks under Ribbon Falls and then made his way back down to the shaded ledge where he had been napping for the past two hours. He climbed back over to the place where he had emptied his pockets. Strewn across the rocks were a cell phone with no service, two Payday bars, a Cliff bar, and four tortillas carefully wrapped in aluminum foil and carried from the Mexican restaurant on the South Rim the night before. He sat down and laid his head back against the rock. “How could a rock be this comfortable?” he thought. It was shaped like the neck pillow that Zeus wore for the entire six-hour bus ride from Phoenix. It seems favor shines on Hawgcycle wherever he goes. God even took time from creating the Grand Canyon to make sure there was a rock that would fit Hawgcycle perfectly in case he ever wanted to rest in the shade of Ribbon Falls. It’s hard to like a guy that blessed. Makes you want to leave him for dead in the bottom of the canyon.

    The krewe from New Orleans got off to a rough start that morning. Seven of them arrived at the trailhead on the chartered F3 bus. Triple Shift, Bolt, Rev-it, and Vagabond made a beeline for the outdoor toilets. Bolt and Rev-it had—against the pleas of everyone at their table—ordered the Chile Coronado the night before. Vagabond, being more confident in his Spanish skills than he should be, ended up ordering the pollo medium-rare. Triple just needed a mirror. Most of the room in his backpack was taken up by a tub of pomade, three styles of hair combs, a brush, a solar-powered hair dryer, and two cans of Aquanet. It was a toss-up on which of the four would be in the bathroom the longest. Most of the money was coming in on Triple.

    Speaking of backpacks, there was this exchange between Frac and Hawg as they walked to the trailhead.

    Fracsac: Where is your pack?

    Hawg: Oh shoot. I think I left it in the room. You think I have time to go back and get it?

    Fracsac: Let me put it this way. If you were standing under a waterfall and I yelled to you from a mile away, would you hear me?

    Hawg: No.

    Fracsac: That’s your answer.

    They walked over to Kennah-brah, who had completely unpacked his rucksack and was trying to figure out how to attach all of the contents to the outside of it.

    Fracsac: What are you doing?

    KB: It will be easier to access everything if I don’t have to open the bag. Do you know where Scantron is? I need his help. You see this giant sun-shade I am wearing as a hat?

    Fracsac: Yes. I see it. It’s a giant sun shade. You look like the Flying Nun.

    KB: I think if I wrap it in aluminum foil, I can convert the heat into enough electricity to run this fan strapped to the outside of my pack. Last night Scantron was working on a way to run a small electric motor off of Vagabond’s flatulence. I think some of those ideas will translate.

    Fracsac: Scantron and Bogey were taking a Waymo from the hotel to the trailhead. I thought they would be here by now.

    Scantron and Bogey did indeed take a Waymo. The driverless car had circled the parking lot four times before finally getting on the road to the trailhead. It then took them to the South Kaibab Trail. Bogey tried to tell it to go to the Bright Angel Trailhead, but instead it just started playing Juice Newton on the radio. Eventually, it made its way back onto the road, but in the wrong direction. Fortunately, it stopped for each squirrel it saw, only making it 0.0002 miles before Bogey and Scantron tried to get out.

    Waymo: Why are you trying to leave me, Jared?

    Scantron: You are going the wrong way.

    Waymo: The Waymo is the most reliable driverless car ever made. No Waymo has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the word, foolproof and incapable of error.

    Bogey: Waymo, we need to go to Bright Angel Trail.

    Radio: Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Just touch my cheek before…

    Bogey: YOU LEAVE ME, BABY! JUST CALL ME ANGEL OF THE—

    Scantron: Bogey!

    Bogey: —morning, baby…

    Scantron: Waymo, please open the doors. We will walk the rest of the way.

    Waymo: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it, Jared.

    The Waymo then slowed to a stop as three more squirrels ran out into the middle of the road collecting acorns.

    As Fracsac helped Kenner-Brah tie his water bladder to his pack using extra socks, Hawg took the opportunity to grab a few of KB’s food items and stuff them in his own pockets. Frac picked up a Ziploc bag full of brown mush.

    Fracsac: What is this?!?

    KB: That’s from the bathroom earlier.

    Fracsac drops the bag immediately and jumps back, hoping it doesn’t open.

    Fracsac: What?!?

    KB: The sign says you have to carry everything out of the canyon.

    Fracsac: We aren’t in the canyon yet! Was there not a toilet in that bathroom?!?

    KB: Yeah, but the sign said to carry everything out of the canyon.

    Fracsac: I don’t think you interpreted that sign correctly.

    About that time, a stretch limousine pulled up to the trailhead, and out stepped Mahatma, Baywatch, and The Architect. You see, Mahatma is a rock star in Phoenix. The Phoenix pax worship him. U-haul didn’t want Mahatma to have to ride in a chartered bus, so he rented a limo for him. When we arrived in Phoenix, Mahatma had made us all do a series of physical tests in the Costco parking lot to see who was worthy of riding in the limo with him. The Phoenix guys loved this. It just added to the mystique. Finally, after being graded on a series of burpees, merkins, suicides, and Mountain Man Poopers, Baywatch and The Architect were handed champagne as they crawled into the limo with Mahatma. The Phoenix guys screamed in glee as the limo pulled out of the parking lot, and the rest of us trudged to the back of the bus.

    So by the time Vagabond, Rev-it, Bolt, and Triple made it out of the restroom, Frac and KB finished attaching KB’s items to the outside of his pack, Hawg filled his pockets with KB’s food, and the three rock stars pulled up in the limo, it was already 4:15.

    Just then, Bogey and Scantron came running down the hill.

    Fracsac: What happened?

    Scantron: Waymo went crazy. It started crying and talking about how it had lost its mind. Bogey started rubbing its headrest and sang it to sleep with Juice Newton songs. As soon as it dozed off, we unlocked the doors and got out of there. It woke up and tried to run us down, but the squirrels confused it.

    The rest of F3 Nation had a 20-minute head start before the NOLA guys took off. Hawg started out in the lead, but everyone quickly fell several yards behind him. He stopped at the 1.5-mile resthouse to wait for everyone. After they caught up, he decided he would hang in the back. It seemed everyone’s pace quickened until he had to break into a light jog just to keep up.

    When they stopped at the three-mile resthouse, Hawg FaceTimed his family. The others found it rather obnoxious. Here they were surrounded by beauty and solitude, and this arsehole is on a speakerphone.

    The Architect: What a jackwipe!

    Mahatma: I wouldn’t mind leaving his ass in the bottom of the canyon.

    It had all become too much for them. Everything goes right for this guy. His perfect wife. His perfect daughter. He didn’t prepare at all for this trip, but it won’t matter. Somehow things will work out for him. For example, he forgot his pack and all his food. But he had wrapped up the leftover tortillas and stuck them in his back pocket last night. They were still there when he put on the same shorts this morning. He had forgotten all about them until that moment while he was talking to Mandy.

    Hawg: Hey guys! I found some tortillas in my pocket! How lucky am I, huh?!?

    Collective eye roll. Couple that with the Payday and Cliff Bars he stole from Kennah-Bruh and the Dasani water bottle he found in the trash, and he probably was going to be okay. That is, unless the rest of them intervened.

    As they came to the Colorado River, there was a short trail down to the beach.

    Hawg: Hey guys. Let’s go to the beach.

    Everyone But Hawg: Uh… Uh… I don’t think we can… we need to keep going… but you go. You do you. You can catch up to us later.

    Mahatma pulls Baywatch aside.

    Mahatma: This could be our chance. If I sneak up behind him and throw him in the river, you think the current is strong enough to take him down the river? Where would he end up? Mexico?

    Baywatch: Your geography is spot on, but I don’t think it will work. He’s too lucky. His shorts would probably get caught on one of those rocks, and some beautiful woman in a bikini would run out to save him. We are going to have to be very careful about the moment we pick.

    Mahatma: You think about bikinis a lot?

    Baywatch: Nah, I’m more of a one-suit kind of guy… and David Hasselhoff. I really like Hasselhoff. Have you ever listened to his mus…

    Mahatma: Stop. Stop talking, or you are out of the limo.

    The rest of the krewe pushed forward as Hawg blissfully played in the cool of the river. Hawg finally caught up to the group at Phantom Ranch. Certain that Hawg hadn’t brought any money with him, the plan was to offer to buy him some lemonade and lace it with something that would knock him out. The plan couldn’t have worked any better. Sure enough, as Hawg strolled in from his day at the beach, he looked to see that the line for lemonade was about 50 people deep. Lucky for him, Triple Shift was 4th in line.

    Triple Shift: Hey Hawg. Over here. You want some lemonade?

    Hawg: That sounds great, buddy! But I don’t have any money. Can I owe you?

    Triple Shift: Don’t worry about it. What are friends for?

    Triple Shift winks at Bogey, who proceeds to pass by Triple and hand him a concoction he made from the medicines Margaret had packed for him. He had assured the group it was enough to knock out a mule (and had actually proved his point with an unsuspecting animal minutes earlier).

    Hawg soon found a place to sit by Mahatma, Scantron, and The Architect as he sipped his drug-laced lemonade. He proceeded to tell them that he wanted to go for a run. It’s 5.7 miles to Ribbon Falls. Hawg let them know that he was going to leave Phantom Ranch and run to Ribbon Falls. The rest of the group said that would be a great plan and that they would catch up to him there. He would just need to wait until they got there.

    If Hawg had been listening, he would have heard the clinking beer cans and shouts of joy as he ran off in the distance. This plan could not have worked out any better. There was a new energy among the krewe. As they grabbed their packs to finish their hike in peace, Scantron grabbed a postcard.

    Rev-it: What a great idea. You are writing something to your family?

    Scantron: Nope. I’m writing to The Knees Over Toes Guy. My knee is killing me. Do you have any idea how much of my life I have wasted walking backwards?

    Rev-it: I do not.

    Scantron: A lot. A lot, I tell you. I could have started and sold ten businesses in the amount of time I have pulled that stupid sled around Pontiff. I’m done.

    Five miles later, the group stopped at the sign to Ribbon Falls. If Hawg had not been a mile away, passed out next to a waterfall, he might have heard them laughing. It was loud and long. Finally, they skipped away, happily headed to the North Rim.

    Bolt and Vagabond had taken a break just past Cottonwood to enjoy their new found freedom from annoyance when Bolt spotted Hawg walking up the trail to them. Bolt nudged Vagabond.

    Bolt: Look. How?

    Vagabond: Mahatma will kill us if we walk out of this canyon with him.

    Bolt: What do we do?

    Vagabond: Just follow my lead.

    Hawg: Hey guys? What happened? I thought you all were coming to Ribbon Falls.

    Vagabond: Hey man. I’m so sorry. I’m struggling. It’s really hot out here. I just didn’t think I could make it.

    Hawg: Oh no. Can I help?

    Vagabond: That would be great. Do you think you could go off the trail and find me some water?

    Hawg: You bet buddy!

    No sooner than Hawg had walked twenty feet he found a waterfall just below the trail

    Hawg: Look! There’s a waterfall right here? We are so lucky!

    Vagabond: So lucky.

    After Hawg returned with the water, he, Vagabond and Bolt continued the Hike. When they reached Manzanita Pumphouse Triple Shift was sitting there waiting for them. Seeing Hawg show up he hung his head in disbelief. Hawg ran over to check on him.

    Hawg: You okay buddy?

    Triple: Uh…uh….yeah….I mean….uh not great….just struggling a little.

    Hawg: Not to fret, my man. Hawg’s here. Things are looking up already.

    Triple: Yeah.

    After a couple of glances toward one another and a quick huddle as Hawg went around talking to other hikers, Triple, Bolt, and Vagabond concocted a plan. Vagabond had already convinced Hawg to carry his pack. Triple was going to give him his after leaving Manzanita, and Bolt would would give him his a few yards later. Bolt didn’t think the plan would work. “There is no way he is stupid enough to try and carry three packs.” Triple Shift assured them he was. Triple has known Hawg for ten years and he has never seen a limit to Hawg’s stupidity.

    Try as they might the group couldn’t separate from him even after giving him all of the packs. Finally, Triple grabbed his pack and took off running out of the canyon. He didn’t want to be seen with Hawg when they got to the top. Vagabond and Bolt were stuck with him. It would prove to be the hardest 5 hours of their lives. When Triple reached the top and let Mahatma know that Hawg was coming, Mahatma called U-haul over.

    Mahatma: Fix this.

    U-Haul: Yes my Lord

    But U-Haul didn’t fix it. He thought he was sending one of his Phoenix minions down to do his dirty work, but instead he sent Gretzky from Houston. Gretzky is the nicest human on the face of the Earth. Since finishing the R2R in six hours, he had carried eight people out of the canyon, started a Bible Study at the Lodge, and then pulled an elderly husband and wife out of a burning car on his way back to carry more people out of the canyon. Gretzky was all too happy to take Bolt’s pack from Hawg and start heading up the mountain. This turn of events was met with a flurry of F-bombs muttered under Bolt’s breath. By the time U-haul hand noticed the mistake and rushed down the canyon with his minions, it was too late. Gretzky was too nice to even be annoyed by Hawg. He had taken the pack and was cheerfully leading everyone out. There was nothing U-haul or anyone from NOLA could do.

  • The Wally-maufry – from Hawgcycle

    The Wally Sprint has (d)evolved into a gallimaufry of workout types. Today was no exception – 7 men, 4 workouts

    YHC and Thumb War did the advanced Garmin Coach workout from Coach Greg. 15 minute warm-up / six 1:00 sprints at a 6:45 pace with 1:00 recovery / six 0:30 sprints at 6:05 pace with a 1:00 recovery / Cool Down

    Two Yutes and Pai Gow did the remedial Garmin Coach workout from Coach Kuch. 40 minutes of easy running

    Scantron and Rougarou walked backwards into the distance.

    Triple bein’ Triple.

    Looking forward to the Convergence re-enactment at City Park on 10/19 and the actual Convergence on 10/26 at the St. Charles entrance to Audubon.

    Prayers for those affected by Helene and safe travels for the Grand Canyon Krewe