F3 New Orleans

Tag: The Peltch

  • Prost! An Oktoberfest Origin Story – from Yankee Joe

    The year is 1976. A piercing cry breaks through the pre-dawn gloom of the small hamlet in West Germany.

    “Nein, Frau Best, it’s ok… he’s supposed to look like that…”

    After several hours of counseling and education that you cannot “trade in” a baby, the young mother finally concedes. She brings the youngling home, hoping to place him in a side show or perhaps a “world’s hairiest baby” contest.

    A few months pass, and (as per German tradition) the infant is abandoned in the Black Forest with only a six-pack of Bitburger Pils.
    The memories of that youngling’s first year of life in that forest, memories only of beer, bears, and pain, fueled this morning’s beatdown. . .

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Toy soldiers
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Butt kicks
    High knees
    Self love

    Mosey to the truck to pick up “Brew-pons”.

    Thang 1:
    German Volumetric Training (or YHC’s bastardization if it)
    10 exercises, 10 reps each. All Merkins, all the time
    In some particular order:
    Fingertip Merkins
    Diamond Merkins
    Crucible Merkins
    Sphinx Merkins (2=1)
    Man maker Merkins (2=1)
    Knurkins
    Creature Merkins (2=1)
    Superman Merkins
    Derkins
    Merkins

    (Aside: a German Merkin is a Gherkin, which is a small pickle. Nobody wants that.)

    Goose absolutely killed this, figuring out where the Merkin stations were as well as physically destroying the reps.
    YHC forgot where station 2 was, and self penalized himself with an extra set of Diamond merkins.
    And there was much grunting.

    Thang 1.5:
    Bear Crawl to Berlin. And back.
    Smooth Operator displayed superhuman ability here. Defying physics, he somehow bear-crawled downhill while on level ground.

    Thang 2:
    Make it Stop: Oktoberfest

    We began with WWIII sit-ups while German-language or German-centric songs play. Anyone who can identify the song, Artist, album, or year released, gets to change the exercise.
    Goose showed unprecedented music prowess by nailing both “Major Tom” and “Rock Me Amadeus” correctly (in spite of YHC erroneously thinking it was simply called “Amadeus”).
    Honeysuckle, the usual ringer for music knowledge, displayed his patriotism here by refusing to identity any of die Musik.
    Also, apparently every popular German language song was released in 1983. And who knew Lou Bega was from Munich?

    (Paradiddle’s contribution during this phase of the beatdown, while significant, consisted solely of gas and giggles.)

    Final Thang: Stein hold

    Brewpons are held out at chest level, Bruce Lee-style, emulating the traditional Oktoberfest Steinholding competition.
    ‘Lil Cuz won, reinforcing his steadfast love for his brewpon.

    GG to Paradiddle for reasons obvious to all.

    Brewpons to go.

    Cardinal prayed us out.

    Epilogue:

    The youngling, nourished on hops and barley, and fortified by merkins, emerges from the depths of the forest.
    Bear-crawling a few meters further, it rises up on its now-ample haunches, howling, “Ich bin Deuchlands Besten!”

  • The Last One’s a Doozy – from Goose

    Though many of the PAX followed Cardinal’s lead in giving the last IPC Saturday a thumbs down, 8 brave PAX braved the coupon ridiculousness in full view of the lady race at The Peltch on Saturday.
    Per usual, the smaller-than-usual number of men gathered around the flag only mattered until things got going, then we became a small, concentrated force of determination and shared suffering. There could have been two or twenty men–once the thrusters started to hit, the exterior world melted away.
    We started with high numbers of the usual warmups to work off the soreness YJ had built up into our collective muscles, The FNG to be named String Cheese (Incident) sauntered over from the parking area by the building and settled right in as if he’d been doing F3 for years.
    We then moseyed over to the truck to grab coupons, cones, signs, etc. and hauled them down to the field amidst the growing number of women setting up for the race. America’s Best corrected YHC after a comment about the “women’s race” saying that he planned to run in it and beat everyone in his age bracket, so obviously, it wasn’t a women’s race, despite the pink and purple decorations, the title of the group (“Femmes Natales”), and the big inflatable finish line that said “Great Job, Ladies!” But, hey, this is 2023, so go get ’em, AB! (Seriously, though, to run a race after that IPC is unreal. YHC just ran from the truck to the flag area once we were done and the legs staged a formal protest.)
    Once everything was setup on the field, YHC gave an explanation with explanations for the FNG, and the PAX was ready to rock with way fewer questions than expected. Writing the routine on the board the night before proved to be quite a task, but the PAX didn’t really seem to need it.

    The Thang:
    Throughout–5 minute timer (E5MOM), and every time it went off, execute 3 Kraken Burpees (Burpee with 3 hand-release merkins at the bottom). This was a morale sucker–it felt like it was going off every two minutes, and it broke up any momentum. Definitely a mental-toughness test.

    Round 1:
    -Murder Bunny to first cone (10 yards out), 10 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins (also called “no-cheat”: hand-release merkin with shoulder taps at the top).
    -Run to the coupon, murder Bunny to second cone (20 yards out), 15 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    -Run to the coupon, murder Bunny to third cone (30 yards out), 20 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    –Run to the coupon, Redrum Bunny to second cone (20 yards out), 15 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins
    -Run to the coupon, Redrum Bunny to first cone (10 yards out), 10 thrusters, bear crawl back to start, 5 perfect merkins

    Round 2:
    Same as Round 1, but with WW3 situps instead of thrusters (Big boy situps with coupon, bench press up and down while lying down, then situp and overhead press once at the top. That’s 1 rep)

    Round 3:
    Same as Round 2, but with man-makers (blockees–burpees with coupon) instead of WW3 situps.

    BAPS kept cranking the tunes, the lady race set-up team kept staring, the timer kept going off, and these fellas just kept stacking on the reps, one at a time. Nobody stopped or complained, not even Duke or the FNG. Every time I looked over, String Cheese was bunnying or bear crawling, and Duke actually kept moving, too, unlike his typical Saturday routine of cycling from PAX to PAX asking for the time. The rest of the crew finished this year’s greuling IPC month with true perseverance in the face of what seemed to be impossible routines, and like last year, I think this month brought about some major growth, a real level-up for a number of these guys.
    AB quickly went from being one of the new guys to being a regular, beastly contender at the front of the pack. Popeye revealed that he’s got an incredibly massive reserve tank of mental toughness. Despite Safety Valve’s hatred for coupons, he refuses to miss an opportunity to push hard with good men, he never stops, and he’s clearly taken deep ownership of what F3 is all about. Yankee Joe is a glutton for punishment–nobody sees the benefits of shared pain like him. Pope has long said goodbye to composite coupons, and he’s giving YHC a run for his money, every single beatdown. Wet Tap eats coupons for breakfast, and challenge draws him like a moth to a flame–IPC is where he consistently shines.

    It was hard to be without other IPC studs like Diddle, Enron, and Dox, but we’ve got plenty to feed the need this month as IPC finishes, but Jurpee-tober begins. Time to do groiners in your den in front of your wife and kids for no good reason!

    COT down at the field, Animal shirt went to Popeye for making it look like a pleasant walk in the park, the FNG was named by AB, who revealed that his brain actually works better after a tough beatdown, and then AB also prayed us out.
    Incredible job, fellas! Thanks for pushing me through another crazy IPC month!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Better together – from Safety Valve

    Today was the day. IPC week 3 on a Saturday morning at the Peltch. On paper it seemed a daunting task. But that’s just life isn’t it. Sometimes it’s sweet and a breeze. Sometimes it’s tougher than we think we can deal with and overwhelming. Looking back on challenging times in my own life, in the heat of the moment, it seemed as if YHC would never make it through. Now in retrospect, YHC made it through those tough times because of the people that surrounded me. The same can be said about week 3 IPC.

    After a short mosey to the tennis court at the Peltch, and some mild confusion for Diddle, we began.

    Warmaramma
    Side straddle hops
    Imperial walkers
    Mountain climbers
    High knees
    Butt kicks
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers

    The Thang

    Round 1
    10 merkins
    15 thrusters
    20 merkins
    25 thrusters
    30 merkins

    400 meter run

    Round 2
    10 thrusters
    15 v ups
    20 thrusters
    25 v ups
    30 thrusters

    400 meter run

    Round 3
    10 v ups
    15 jungle bois
    20 v ups
    25 jungle bois
    30 v ups

    400 meter run

    Round 4
    10 jungle bois
    15 blockees
    20 jungle bois
    25 blockees
    30 jungle bois

    400 meter run

    Round 5
    10 blockees
    15 Merkins
    20 blockees
    25 merkins
    30 blockees

    400 meter run

    When time was called at the usual 7:30, three of the pax finished in the 45 minute window. Big shout out to Diddle, pope and goose. The rest of the pax were struggling somewhere in round 5, inevitably working through the never ending blockees. YHC felt like anything beyond round 3 would be impressive. This group blew it out of the water. Yankee Jeaux kept us on pace and every time we saw him hold back that vomit, it was more motivation to keep going.

    At the end of it all, Cardinal showed up in the most glorious way… with coffee and donuts. Even with a thumb out of commission, he couldn’t resist the F3 fellowship. He seemed very upset about missing out on the 100 reps of thrusters. So blessed to have a post IPC hang out and refreshment time.

    We circled up, offered prayers to those in need, Cardinal prayed us out and we dug into the donuts and coffee.

    Back to the tough times in life YHC eluded to earlier… Before starting on this F3 journey merely 50 days ago, YHC would have never thought of doing 100 merkins. That would have seemed ridiculous, let alone 100 thrusters with a cinder block. Now it seems nothing but normal for a Saturday morning. I owe this change and higher mental strength to the F3 Thibodaux PAX. When these workouts seem unfathomable, we look to the guy to the left and right that are going through the same pain. It’s the only motivation that’s needed. So, when life gets tough and seems impossible, surround yourselves with good people. Look to your right and left, they will get you through whatever hell is happening. Tough times will never last and life will be sweet again.

  • The BDE Mile: Fruit of the Sea – from Yankee Joe

    Saturday, September 16th, 2023 marked the third week of IPC – The BDE Mile.

    Today, for no particular reason, we decided to go for a little run.

    So, after warmarama, we ran to the end of The Peltch, and when we got there, we thought maybe we’d run to the gate of the EDW football field.

    And when we got there, we thought maybe we’d just run around the track.

    Now, thinking since we’d run this far, we would add in five BDE burpees after each lap. And since we’d done that, maybe we’d just run another lap. And since we’d done this already, we thought, “Why not add in five BDE Merkins?”

    Now, looking at the routine we’d created, maybe we would just repeat that routine for 45 minutes…nonstop.

    And that’s what we did. We ran clear around the track for 45 minutes, alternating between BDE burpees and BDE merkins.

    No particular reason. We just kept on going.

    We ran clear around the track. And when we got there, we figured since we’d gone this far, we might as well turn the corner and just keep on going.

    And when we finished another lap and completed our BDE exercise, we figured since we’d gone this far, we might as well just keep right on going.

    When we got tired, YHC complained…a lot.

    When we got slow, we were lapped by Paradiddle, Goose, Pope, and Enron. Several times.

    When we started crumbling, Popeye found four extra running gears, smiling the whole way.

    When we needed a boost, Jack B Nimble offered high fives and Tractor danced us into Elysium.

    When we needed to know how much time was left, Duke asked on our behalf.

    When we were struggling to put one foot in front of the other, Safety Valve talked us through the pain with his calming, cool side of the pillow, voice.

    When we got into our own heads, Lil’ Cuz recounted scenes from Malcolm in the Middle.

    When he had to drop a deuce, Smooth…you know…dropped one.

    We just felt like runnin’.

    For some reason, what we were doing seemed to make sense to us.

    Papa Goose always said, “Put your ass behind you before you can move on.” And I think that’s what our running was all about.

    We had run for forty-five minutes and zero seconds.

    Then we said, “We’re pretty tired. We think we’ll go home now.”

    And just like that, our runnin’ days was over…well until Honeysuckle’s VQ.

    COT and Lil’ Cuz in The Middle prayed us out.

    Gentlemen, today was a whole different brand of suck. It never gets old how when this group gathers together, we achieve something that would be dang near impossible on our own. I can’t count how many times I wanted to quit this morning in a fit of childish tantrums. In those stupid moments, Smooth Operator would, with ear to ear smirk, tell you to stop making excuses. Then he would gleefully point out that wearing his Hawaiian shorts was perfect since he was living the dream in paradise every day. The ROI on this free men’s workout is off the charts.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

    ————————————
    IPC Week #3 – The BDE Mile

    Format
    – 45min AMRAP
    – 400-meter track with 100-meter increments clearly visible

    The Thang
    – The workout begins when the timer starts
    – 400-meter lap
    – 5 BDE burpees
    – 400-meter lap
    – 5 BDE merkins (AKA – hand-release prisoner merkins)
    Hand release merkin to Peter Parker to the right elbow to hand release merkin to Peter Parker to the left elbow to hand release merkin

    Repeat until time is called.

    Scoring
    – Total number of meters rounded down to the closest 100 when time is called
    – For example, if time is called and you are between 880 and 890 meters, your score is 800 meters

    Top Scores:

    – Paradiddle – 17 laps (6,800 meters)
    – Goose and Pope – 16 laps (6,400 meters)
    – Enron – 15 laps (6,000 meters)

  • IPC: It’s Pure Crud, By Coyote – from Goose

    Today was the worst day of my life, I had to fly like a squirrel, I had to fight in World War 3, I couldn’t cheat with my Merkins, I had a fight with this jerk named Jillian Michaels, and every five minutes this voice came out of nowhere and told me to either Lunge walk, murder my bunny, or carry my rifle. It was a nightmare in the morning! If you sit down and get your popcorn, I’ll tell you the whole story….
     
                It was dark and crisp as YHC unloaded the killer material that YHC was forced to inflict on such innocent men!  After a few quick warmups, and YHC led the mosey to the field by Bayou Road. After a few brief introductions, we started the 45-minute timer of death. As we started, YHC looked around and saw that it was clear that some of the Pax would not make it through all this. But some of us managed to get to round two without the 5-minute timer interrupting our progress. YHC saw Yankee Joe and thought he was going to puke! A few even ripped their shirts off to beat the heat. Everyone hated the random voice that told us to walk in a really weird way. We were talking about the voice and how it didn’t compliment or encourage us until the very end, when it gave us a wimpy “Great job.” 
     
                In the end, we all survived, it was exhausting to even say our nicknames. We all loaded up the coupons, two smashed to pieces.
     
                And blam! That’s the story of how F3 Thibodaux survived the Execution of IPC, Week 1.

  • IronPax Week Zero – from Paradox

    You are gazing upon the happenings of Thibodaux, La on the morning of Sept 2 and there are many sights to behold. In the deep gloom near Peltier park several athletes push their bodies to the max in an annual event meant to find the limits of cardiovascular and psychological endurance. It comes every fall and like cool weather and Friday night football it signals the changing of seasons. That event is known as the ED White Cross Country meet.
    ….
    Now take your telescoping lens and scooch it over just a hair ..adjust the mean age by 17 years , sprinkle in wisdom and wrap it in grit and tenacity. Remove the cheering family and substitute with dual connect JBLs. There, there you are, just right. Now you have it.
    Can you see 15 pax surrounded by coupons and encircling the shovel flag prepared to face IPC week zero?

    IPC is finally here!!

    here’s how week zero took place on da bayou.

    Duke! Roll the footage and wake me up when September ends!

    Warmups
    After a week of prep with some finely tuned beatdowns, YHC wanted to add an extra layer of lather and injury protection before we put the pedal all the way to floor so we had round 1 of warmups at the flag with Seal Jacks , IW , Arm circles , CP, Self love , High knees , Butt kicks.
    The pax were loose and ready to dive in as we coupon moseyed to the ThunderDome for the main event.

    The Thang

    It’s taken YHC a few years to decode our QIC Gooses love language but most days I can translate it well. A few examples : “Your shorts are too short” really means “I’m shopping for shorter shorts tonight because they highlight your quads”. And “Those High Knee Arm circles are the dumbest thing in the known universe” really means “that’s an effective and thorough warmup Dox and I think you are swell”
    Of course this takes years of verbal battery to acquire but here I am better for it.
    So when YHC unveiled a 7 foot particle board sign with todays week zero instructions and Goose simply said “I wish it was taller” then I really knew he was saying “I’m overwhelmed by its magnificence and only a sonnet would suffice for praise”
    Fair enough my friend but I know how you really feel.
    YHC gave a quick rundown and we got to the work below:

    Start the timer
    Warmup
    13 reps
    SSH- IW-MC-ST-PJ

    800 meter run

    Then 85 Reps of each followed by 8 burpees after each round of :

    HR merkins
    BBSU
    Dips
    Goblet Squats
    Coupon OHP
    4 count flutter kicks
    KB swings

    800 meter run

    The Iron PaxCenter Top Plays
    Brought to you by CoolJabs :

    As most IPCs go when the whistle blows the vision tends to get hazy. Week zero was no exception and although YHC teetered somewhere between blurred vision and syncope for the duration these were the observations.

    -The pax got off to a nice start on the 800 meter with DiddleGoose (don’t google this ) upfront amd Pope as the pace car and the second wave of pax keeping a conservative pace just behind.

    – Turns out America’s Beast is an actual Virginian grizzly bear. Some think he began the transformation during Popes halo bear crawl of death. Whenever it was I’m here to tell you The BearMan was rolling with good form early with the HR merkins and YHC found inspiration in his intermittent bear grunts. If only we had a shirt for this occasion.
    – The 2.0s provided both stern form advice (Duke) and light hearted banter (Coyote) along with the watchful eye from our wagon EMT (Jack B Nimble)
    – Team JBL reassured the pax of high performance audio after a shaky week. Tuesday we were upstaged by a younger and more beautiful turtle box and Thursday JBL flip 6 (our brother formerly from OLOPs) provided some questionable connection. So Diddles JBL Burrito saved face and YHC did my best DJing to keep the pax spirits high. If some one doesn’t show up at my funeral and play Turn Down for What I’ll be a tad disappointed.
    – Dumbledore was performing coupon goblet squats so perfect and so deep I had to stop mid beatdown and write Crayola a letter via owl from the Hogwarts school of Glute and Quads. Well done Dore.
    – The goblet squats were a gut check for us all and it was no surprise they brought out Smooths best . He was hammering them 10 at a time and there was no quit as the Clydesdale awoke in him.
    – Great to have LOX back with us today! bringing in the summer magic and getting a good break from reading all those rich mohagney seminary books.
    – Gi Joe brought a steely performance amd YHC kept seeing him hit a wall, take a breath and break through to the next set. Well on his way to bring the fittest GI Doc in the state.
    – Overall this crew stood their ground through some ridiculously high reps and stayed in the fight till we hit 7:30 and circled up. T-claps indeed.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Grateful to lead men
    Keep hammering

    Moleskin :
    If you’ve attended 1 beatdown or really any social gathering you can usually find the guy in a group who has an internal pressure to hear his own voice. YHC was born with this affliction. So every year when IPC rolls around I find it a nice change of pace (if only brief) to work on battling the inner voice. The one that says 85 reps is stupid and that things are burning and here’s 9000 reasons you should stop. But 1 reason to keep going IS present and part of the iron sharpening process is looking over and seeing the guy next to you fighting that same battle. Each rep, each set, each week we sharpen each other a little more.
    Welcome to September men.

    See you in the Gloom
    Dox

  • DJ Pontifex (or “Teenage Wasteland”): by Pope – from Goose

    “Either Baps or JBL is gonna have a heck of it on Saturday.” – YHC, Thursday. Whenever YHC hears almost any song, the first thing that comes to mind is one of two thoughts: “Man, my [fill in the blank] hurt from that…” or “How could I incorporate this in a beatdown?” On multiple occasions while brainstorming beatdowns, YHC has found himself unable to think outside of the classic songs that Goose or Dox have already introduced and, in a way, trademarked. The train of thought that always follows is a retrospection of all the different songs that had a streak of selections during moseys/Indian runs. Today YHC decided to go through each one and bring back the favorites from the days when the PAX on a typical Saturday were Goose, YHC, Enron and/or Gordon plus an FNG or two, and elaborate on the already grinding routines a little.

    The morning began with the usual cycle of mumble chatter, bug spray and reminding Cardinal of who’s got Animal (“Ooh…” – Cardinal). Goose listed to the PAX a few of the hype videos that YHC wishes he had seen—there are a few disadvantages to refraining from social media, and all of them have to do with F3. YHC decided to stretch out warmups a little, as a realization that the beatdown on paper might be a little short timewise.

    Thang 1 was set in the Thunderdome, and YHC hoped JBL was at least almost fully charged. YHC opened the Thang with AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck,” slightly adding to the usual routine with plank jacks during the refrain and mountain climbers on the guitar solo while keeping the merkins on “thunder(struck).” Next came “Eye of the Tiger,” with penguins throughout the verses and flutter kicks during the refrain, followed by a favorite from the good ol’ Assassin’s Creed track of sea shanties, “Wellerman,” with the PAX alternating between boat-canoes and scuba steves (T-merkins on “whale/Wellerman”). Then YHC played the rousing “Turn Down for What,” with the PAX alternating between SSH and A-skips with burpees on “turn down…” The final song of Thang 1 (Jars of Clay’s “Run in the Night”) made its F3 debut, emphasizing the you-against-you of cardio and the “fellowship” part of F3; the PAX held Al Gore for the duration of the 5 ½ -minute song, with jump squats on 1st/2nd person pronouns.

    Thang 2 was in the field opposite the Dome, specifically where home plate would be on the T-ball diamond. YHC explained that the PAX would bear-crawl to the location dubbed, after some consideration and debate, “yonder tree,” while JBL played two songs from the Halo: Reach soundtrack (a statement that provided revelation for Popeye that video games do indeed have soundtracks). The songs’ length totaled approximately 16 ½ minutes, which proved to be a problem for YHC, who lengthened the PAX’s final destination twice, deciding on the gate by the parking lot. Each song consisted of multiple shorter songs, and after one would end the PAX would crab-walk back 10 paces (YHC saw Cardinal’s eyes light up) and execute five (later 10) Goosies. After all PAX reached the gate, YHC led them back to the flag and burned the remaining ten minutes with a slight alteration of the typical “Baba O’Riley” routine and Mary. COT commenced, during which AB (recently dubbed “America’s Beast”) one-upped the polite PAX’s “nice/heckuva cue” with the exclamation of “DJ cue!” YHC only wishes he could have stayed afterward for more backblast material, but Coyote, who went away humming “Turn Down for What,” had flag football practice and another group of larger competitors to shame…

  • You Got Goose-Diddled! – from Goose

    The GroupMe was eerily silent last night/this morning for two reasons:

    1. French Horn had laid down a stronger than usual commitment post, and though many doubted, and many wrote and then deleted hilarious comments stating such thoughts, nobody wanted to discourage what looked to be an actually possible showing by the long-absent, greatly missed, mop-topped, boat-conceived youngster. Couldn’t risk that.

    2. Paradiddle was on the list to Q, but no hype had been posted by the ‘stached bandit nor any comment acknowledging the inevitable. Many wrote and then deleted requests for hype or temperature checks due to the fear that has now been associated with tank-tops, mouth-brows, and a white-capped abundance of hair.

    YHC thought there might be a small chance that Diddle had forgotten amidst his wild schedule, but wasn’t necessarily prepped with a back-pocket Q. Thoughts between waking and arriving had fluttered around Dilly’s spoken desire to complete grades 7-10 (left incomplete during his back to school Billy Madison Q) and memories from last year’s IPC, specifically the “Death by Skinny Runner” beatdown. So, when 5:15 arrived, and there was no Diddle, the site-Q (YHC) got excited at the opportunity to channel the inner Diddle and combine it with a little Goose-flavor and some IPC prep.

    A long warmup was needed after Smooth’s monster coupon routine yesterday, and this gave YHC some time to put the pieces together. Enron suggested the Deck o’ Death, which put the finishing touch on it, especially since YHC had also just attained some workout dice that were itching for some concrete.

    Warmups: the usual suspects plus Willy Maes Hayes and Toe Touches (bend down, touch toes, then come up and touch waist, then up straight onto toes with hands in the air = 1). Every vehicle that pulled into the neighborhood was taken to be Diddle coming in hot, but the hopes (or fears) never materialized. YHC then led a bumper to Stop sign to flag mosey to get the PAX familiar with the distance, cuz…

    Thang:
    One (or two) exercises followed by a quarter mile run, which happens to be the exact distance of the bumper to stop sign to flag loop. But, this would be a race, and the winner got to pick the next break…er, exercise. The winner could pick an exercise of their choosing or elect to roll the dice (three dice–one with reps/time and two with exercises) or pick two cards.

    Pope won the first one (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and chose low-slow squats to give the PAX a breather. Smooth made it known that now that he was comfortable with the route, he’d be smoking us all, and though he started strong with a powerful sprint on the next lap (and every one after that), long distances remain his kryptonite.

    YHC won the next, (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and we rolled the dice landing on 90 seconds of squats and penguins. The three minutes were greatly appreciated, but at this point, it had become clear that any hope of real recovery between laps was unrealistic.

    The next one was won by Honeysuckle (with Pope right behind him) who seemed to be set up to Q the rest of the beatdown, and he chose Freddy’s, which went way too fast.

    Next lap was Pope again (though Honeysuckle was right behind him) and he went with a couple of cards: 16 Bonnies (1:1) and a Joker, which he turned into a 60 second Mission Impossible plank (still better than running).

    Honeysuckle took the next (surprise, surprise) and went for a dice roll in hopes that two exercises would take longer than one (and that burpees wouldn’t come up) and the risk paid off. 30 reps of leg raises and wife pleasers.

    The last lap took off at 5:57, and many of the men must have seen the time, because the performances were impressive. YHC finished first, but Yankee Joe had joined Honeysuckle and Pope right behind him, again revealing that he’s got more gas in the tank than he lets on. PAX planked until the 6 arrived, and it was 6:00.

    All in all, YHC was extremely impressed by this crew’s resilience as they pushed hard each lap. Seriously, though Pope and Honeysuckle put the bar nice and high, the rest of the bunch weren’t too far behind–every time. T-claps to Enron, YJ, and Paradox, for some noticeable pushes, and Smooth for being first off the line every time.

    More T-claps to the impressive level of mumblechatter this morning despite the lung-busting, leg-deadening work. Unfortunately, YHC’s memory has been affected by the post-beatdown brain fog, so the only one that comes to mind was Enron’s comment as we were lining up for lap 4 or 5. YHC’s hand had substantially brushed a particularly sensitive area as we crowded to be first in line, and he immediately came out with, “Man, I goosed AND diddled in one beatdown!” YHC couldn’t breathe, and it almost sabotaged the lap.
    If you remember more gems, please post them in the GroupMe to make up for YHC’s inability to immortalize them here.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • In Pursuit of Trivialities – from Goose

    YHC was excited about this one–it would be an opportunity to break out one of the best board games ever created, one that combines chance with constantly new challenges. Combining Trivial Pursuit with F3 seemed like a match made in heaven. And, with recent experiences of PAX coming through in superhuman ways any time trivia has been present at a beatdown, YHC knew he could bring the heavy.

    16 strong at The Peltch showed that the crew had caught the excitement; either that, or the high quality GroupMe banter has forged bonds and created some useful FOMO in the hearts of many men. It was great to see Royal Deuce at his first major league beatdown, and the return of G.I. Joe for the third Saturday in a row boosted the morale considerably. Oh, and Yeah-Yeah came with Popeye for the first time since his full-on return, which was a great boost for the 2.0’s. Looking forward to getting to see him grow out there!

    Warmups of the usuals with some extra emphasis on the lower back followed by a mosey to the Thunderdome with the mystery box hidden in a bag for a last moment reveal. Upon arrival YHC unveiled a more modern version of Trivial Pursuit with cards split into colors/categories with questions on each ranging in difficulty from 1-6 depending on the dice roll. YHC also had a list of exercises to match each category in the case of a wrong answer. Another dice roll determined which exercise was chosen.

    The first couple of questions were mowed down easily, and Yankee Joe showed that he’d be a force to be reckoned with today and possibly in some future, post-kids’-bedtime game night. (He’s on my team. I called it.) But, alas, the typical “I said the right answer but I wasn’t sure enough of myself to push the team captain to go with it” dynamic struck, and we lined up for a Bataan Death Crawl, one of the History category exercises. It consisted of the PAX splitting into two lines, Indian Run style, to bear crawl from the Thunderdome to the opposite, third base-line foul pole in the neighboring ballfield and back. The last guy in line did 5 burpees before running to the front of the crawling line. The total distance was about 100 yards. Nice opener. The mood had changed considerably–wrong answers were clearly to be avoided with all seriousness.

    The next series of questions revealed the prowess of G.I. Joe, whose Quiz Bowl champ son had clearly exercised his Trivial Pursuit training upon his father. He came in strong with some logical deduction revealing what all Trivial Pursuit veterans know–the answer is usual revealed in some form in the way they ask the question. Cardinal picked up on this, too, which was to be expected.

    After Royal Deuce saved the PAX with some deep Simpsons knowledge, it was back to the list in the Science and Nature category. A minute and a half Mission Impossible plank in the grass would give us the opportunity to do make some up-close observations of what has recently become a very scary place. For some, it provided a chance to work through some PTSD. For others, it only added fuel to the growing menace. The time was shortened to a minute to save the morale and the fragile mental state of a number of the PAX.

    If YHC’s memory serves him, the streaks of correct answers grew shorter and shorter as time went on, and periods of muscle burnout, sweat, and trash talking grew more frequent. Here are some of the more notable penalty exercises:

    -Field of Dreams (Art and Literature–it was a movie based on the book, “Shoeless Joe”): PAX split into four groups on the baseball field, one group at each base and completed the following exercises AMRAP as they waited for the group at home to complete 15 burpees so they could be relieved and run (for some) to the next base. 1st base: squats. 2nd: merkins. 3rd: LBC’s. 15 burpees is tough, especially after AMRAP merkins, and they take a while. And, thankfully, the Form Police isn’t authorized to give fines; though, that could have been a great way to cover some of the SV500 costs…and pay for next year’s event in full…and purchase an F3 trailer.

    -Geography: Around the World lunges–lunges forward R, L, left side, back L, R, right side = 1. We did 10 of these in cadence, speeding up as we went. It was fun. And, that was the only one we had to do for Geography. Nice work, fellas.

    -We did none of the awesome exercises on the Entertainment list, which means all pink questions were answered correctly. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or depressed.

    -History didn’t get landed on too much, so the Bataan Death Crawl was the only representative.

    -Arts and Literature–there were a few close calls, but Field of Dreams was the only one from this list, too. Surprising, and impressive, especially given the large amount of purple cards drawn.

    -The Science and Nature category required two penalty exercises–the aforementioned observation plank and the Failure to Launch, Blastoff jump squats. YHC counted down from ten as we slowly lowered into a very low squat before jumping up. Did 10 of these.

    -It was the Sports and Leisure category that suprisingly destroyed this crew. Not long after the death crawl, we rolled the Bear Crawl Brawl in which partners pushed against the shoulders of one another to provide resistance as they bear crawled from first base to the opposite outfield pole (about 30-40 yards), flapjacked and returned.
    We also did Bobby Hurleys (30 IC, 2:1), Nolan Ryans (15 IC on each side), and Apolo Ono’s (30 IC, 2:1).

    The hour ended too quickly, but had some fun, worked the ol’ noodle, took some chances, and burned some muscles before heading back to the flag for count off and COT. Animal shirt went to Cardinal for navigating/instigating the “HC” battle on GroupMe, and then lots of strong prayer intentions for F3 brothers in need before a hand-gesture-filled photo shoot. (Oh, and Coyote made the formerly agreed upon transfer of the SV500 trophy to his teammate Redfish for admiration and safe keeping until next they meet.)

    Thanks for playing along, fellas! It was fun to see how each guy’s brain works under stress and what kind of knowledge is stored in which guys’ heads. Till next time!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Chlorophyll? More Like Borophyll. – from Paradiddle

    Coming off of a week long hiatus, YHC was excited to be back for a beat down. Not knowing where to turn, but knowing that the SV 500 lay around the corner, YHC consulted with none other than Goose to try and collect some intel on the possible beatdown. YHC was determined to try to prepare the PAX for lay ahead. After turning to the exicon for some inspiration, none other than a childhood favorite of Billy Madison would be the source of inspiration for the punishment that lay ahead.

    YHC was coming in hot this morning from Houma, and he arrived with only a few minutes to spare. The PAX were already assembled upon his arrival. Mumble chatter was low, and as YHC approached, silence fell over the men. DJ DOX would be needed for his duties this morning. Yankee Joe was quick to offer BAPS as the source of sound, even though YHC offered Burrito Supreme who was nestled in the truck. Let a man do his thing. BAPS to the rescue, and rescue us he would. But wait…who is that?! Out of the gloom came G.I. Joe – a legend of sorts in these swamps.

    We began the warmup with the usual SSH, grass grabbers w a clap, windmills, circles, cherry pickers, high knees, and mountain climbers.

    The pax would then mosey with a coupon to the breezeway at E.D. White, where the thang would be explained.

    The Thang
    Taking the advice of Goose (one hour, no breaks), YHC explained the Billy Madison.

    We would work our way through each of the numbered school grades, only to then have to repeat them as Billy does (to prove to his dad he’s not a fool). Each grade would have 12 reps of one exercise, followed by a run to St. Joseph Elementary and back to the breezeway at ED White. Once back to the breezeway, you would repeat all the previous grades, making your way all the way to 12th grade. (1st grade, 1st + 2nd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd grade, 1st + 2nd + 3rd + 4th grade, etc.)

    So the grades would go:
    1st – Burpees
    2nd – Bonnie Blairs
    3rd – Declined Merkins
    4th – Grainers
    5th – Kettle bell swings
    6th – Thrusters (do it for Tap)
    7th – goblet squats
    8th – Peter Parkers
    9th – OH Press
    10th – Russian Twists w/ coupon
    11th – Hernia (V-Ups w/ coupon)
    12th – Dips

    The Pax soon discovered that the run to St. Joseph would be their reprieve, a chance to catch your breathe, swallow the puke, and try and salivate to keep from dry heaving (please tell me it wasn’t only me). With a strong start, everyone stayed together through third grade. Coyote set the pace for the 2.0’s, with Pope offering insight into his actual schedule for his upcoming school year. Lil Cuz, YJ, and America’s Best led helped to set the pace for the majority of the pax with a strong and consistent showing. YHC was terrified of the first impression he was leaving on Safety Valve. Smooth, as always, kept the run fun with the boys. YHC is sure that the convo shared between Dox and Gecko is one in reference to “that man”. Goose helped YHC set the pace, but in reality YHC was fighting to keep up through those coupon swings. A high school inspired playlist from some of the pax helped us along, and we needed all the help we could get. Imagine not having MMMBOP to get us through the sixth round of burpees?

    The Pax would make it halfway through 7th grade before time would force us to call it quits. A slow, silent mosey back to the flag and YHC desperately just wanted a cooldown walk. But the PAX pushed back and asked for three minutes of Mary. Freddie Merc’s, flutters, and ABC… (just three letters). The counting of this morning is all the evidence one would need to prove that the PAX desperately needed to repeat their grade. Now the only thing to do is make through the remaining grades at an undetermined date in the future.

    An impressive showing of 16 men this morning who came out, showed up, and put up with the shenanigans of a Saturdiddle. Til next time… or til next Saturday when we kinda have to do something similar again…but at least there will be breakfast.

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle