F3 New Orleans

Category: New Orleans

  • Murph for the Ages – from Space Cowboy

    When I got in my car at 515am on Memorial Day morning, I knew that there was a strong possibility that I would be the only one at Lasalle park considering the lack of slack chatter the previous night and Memorial Day weekend, and I strongly considered going back to bed. Little did I know what awaited me at the park would turn out to be one of my favorite workouts. As I pulled up to the parking lot, I only noticed 1 other car in the lot but it was empty and no one was waiting at the flag. At 5:30, the park was quiet, all the lights were out, and the humidity was thick and heavy, but I was committed to the “Murph” for Memorial Day. As I approached the pad for stretching, I noticed 2 other guys stretching. They immediately noticed my “Murph” shirt that I was wearing from my CrossFit days and they mentioned that they were about to do the same workout. They asked if I was working out with anyone and I stated that I was alone in which they replied in unison, “Not anymore!” Jimmy and Dan who are about 60 years old are visiting New Orleans from Birmingham and Nashville with their families. They are former Marine helicopter pilots and close friends who served in the Gulf War together and I was about to do the “Murph” with them on Memorial Day! Don’t let their age fool you. These guys were in better shape than most 20 year olds and after a brief stretching routine, which they insisted that I lead, we started the Murph.

    1 mile around western Lasalle loop
    100 pull ups
    200 merkins
    300 squats
    1 mile around western Lasalle loop

    When we arrived back at the pad after the last mile run, I thought we were done but Jimmy mentioned that they complete the Murph with 26 (not sure why that number?) Marine burpees which was similar to Superman burpees. After the burpees, they told me that they always have an ice cold Coors after every Murph and they offered one to me from their cooler. How could I refuse having a cold beer at 6:15 in the morning on Memorial Day after completing the Murph with 2 Marine Gulf War vets! It was a good morning.

    Thanks to Jimmy and Dan for keeping me accountable today and for their service to our country. Thank you to all that served our country. Thank you for keeping our country safe and strong.

  • Hurting You is the Last Thing I Want to Do…But it is Still on the List – from Goose

    Dad jokes, like F3 exercises, require growth, maturation, hard work, and development. You can’t just expect to roll in with your sad-clown puns and expect that to check the “dad” box. Your kids, your wife, your friends, and the culture as a whole need more from you. It takes work, time, practice, and the ability to persevere through the piles and piles of cheesy, one-dimensional groaners to find the ones that communicate to your audience: “You’re worth more.” This morning would be a Dad Joke Intensive.

    After a warmup of the usuals, which got the sweat flowing freely in the bagass infused mugginess of The Stage, YHC suggested gloves despite no coupons and led the PAX to the Loop of Wealth. At the first light post, where all devious plots are revealed, YHC explained that a dad joke would be introduced at each light, and if the PAX was unable to come up with the punchline, we’d all endure a 10 merkin penalty. That was it. For the whole beatdown. We made it around the mile loop, and then headed backward to go around again. The hopper was loaded with winners (mostly), and YHC knew it would take a while to wake up the multiple levels of humor and creativity necessary for the true Dad joke aficidonado.

    Despite having some solid minds in the bunch, the PAX was clearly not ready for the heights we would be achieving today. Merkins flowed freely for quite some time before Tap started to catch on and work the old noodle a little harder. Honeysuckle, Valve, and Dox weren’t far behind, but the engines were sputtering for most of the run.

    It took the following two-liner before the message finally sunk in that we came to work:

    “Someone stole the toilet seat at the police station…

    Investigators have nothing to go on.”

    Dox was the first to figure out that you can’t just repeat one of the 20 dad jokes that you see on every list ever and think you’re doing your job. When you hear, “Why is 6 afraid of 7?” Don’t come with “Because 7 ate 9.” That’s wasting people’s time. You gotta come with something like, “Because 7 was a registered six offender.”

    The first break was earned by Honeysuckle, who came close enough on the following:

    “I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing form his job as a road worker…

    But, when I got home, all the signs were there.”

    So, YHC had to step it up a bit and bring it to the next level–you can’t go completely ridiculous, but Dad has to have an Ace up his sleeve. He has to come from somewhere completely unexpected, but still somehow make sense, at least a little:

    “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend…

    Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

    (And…10 merkins)

    The PAX picked up on the “unexpected angle” pretty quick and started to look for multiple directions, or misdirections. All four dads pulled out the punchline for the following and got a needed merkin break:

    “If people stood shoulder to shoulder around the equator…

    2/3 of them would drown.”

    Honeysuckle (or was is Dox?) even came up with a percentage that was almost the exact number. It was impressive.

    Somehow, though, most still got by them and they kicked themselves for missing some of the more direct ones, like:

    “Dad buys a universal remote and says…

    ‘This changes everything!’”

    or

    “A chicken coup only has two doors…

    If it had four, it would be called a chicken sedan.”

    There were a couple that came easy, though, like:

    “Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?

    It runs in your jeans.”

    But, there were still a few that were guaranteed merkins. I mean, we came to work out, right?

    “My drug test came back, and it’s negative…

    My dealer sure has some explaining to do.”

    or

    “I like to spend every day as if it’s my last…

    Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me my pudding.”

    Some were chosen just because YHC wanted to share what’s universally recognized as pure dad joke genius, like:

    “What do you call it when Batman skips church?

    Christian Bale”

    or

    “What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

    I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.”

    As we rounded the last few curves, we were skipping lights in order to get back to the flag on time. This was helped by Tap getting in a groove and nailing a few in a row, like:

    “So what if I don’t know what ‘Armageddon’ means…

    It’s not the end of the world.”

    And, we ended up finishing one minute late with the appropriate:

    “There are three types of people…

    Those who can count, and those who can’t.”

    All said and done, the PAX got 15 out of 48 correct, which meant we did 330 total merkins over 2 miles. With the distraction of the dad joke project, the merkins, though not easy, were not the focus, so we stacked them much higher than most of the PAX realized with what felt like moderate effort. Except for Pope. He knew all the jokes already, so all he was focused on was the merkins. He spent every light post run trying to use Jedi mind tricks to get the answers into their heads, dreading the impending merkins, while the rest giggled their way through what would have otherwise been a grinder.

    I’ll leave you with just a few more gems that didn’t make the cut, but should have:

    “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

    A carrot.”

    “This is my stepladder…

    I never knew my real ladder.”

    “I bought these shoes from a drug dealer, and I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.”

    You’re welcome. Keep working hard. Your loved ones need you.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Light Poles – from Thighs

    This Q we did our workout at the Light Poles.

    We started the beat down with a warmup:
    15x Jumping Jacks
    7x Cherry Pickers
    7x Windmills
    10x Sun Gods (each arm)
    7x Merkins
    7x Mountain Climbers
    7x Toe Touches
    7x Tempo Merkins
    7x Squats

    Then we ran to the Light Poles to start the workout.

    We started the 44s workout:
    11x Jump Ups
    11x Hello Dollies
    11x Bonny Blares
    11x Pike Ups and reducing the reps by 1 at the start of new round.

    After a few of us got done, we turned to Rochamburpee
    Starting with a low squat, we played rock, paper, scissors.
    The winner does Merkins.
    The loser does a Burpee.
    Each round we increased the reps by 1. We did 5 rounds.

    Then we turned to a running exercise where at each light pole we changed exercise to the following. 6 light poles 6 exercises and run back to the start. We did 3 rounds.
    Lunge
    Run
    Broad Jumps
    Backwards Run
    Bear Crawl
    High Knees Running

    We closed with a set of ab workout.

    We ended with the usual close out, sending us off with a prayer as the rain continued to come down.

    Looking forward to next time!

  • Suck/Offer it Up by Pope – from Goose

    May is a month of many joys and sorrows. Of course, the sorrow is a little exclusive to our pecs, triceps, and just our bodies in general. May is also the month of Mary, the mother of God (who is another comfort we don’t deserve). 
    In recent months, YHC has read/heard about many incredible apparitions of Our Lady, and in many of them she requested—or sometimes earnestly begged with tears in her eyes—for the Rosary to be prayed daily by her children on earth. These requests gradually grew more personal for YHC and became less of a request and more of a calling. YHC thanks God for F3 and Mary for her incredible patience; F3 helped YHC to shake off average teenage-level laziness (well, become less accustomed to it), and YHC finally praying the Rosary daily, as part of a DIY retreat.
    The spiritual fruits of that growing devotion have been subtle thus far, but phenomenal.
    YHC arrived at the Lion’s… uh… the Civic Center with Goose at about 4:50 to set up, and within five minutes of our arrival we were surprised to see White Meat pull up with newly christened Huffy in tow. WM actually looked at the time as YHC and Goose jogged to the levee to lay out the cones.
    We set five cones at four different spots around the levee: at both ends of the bridged gap over the middle of the pond (with two at the far side) and at opposite ends of the long way across the pond. Each cone had under it a slip of paper listing four different mysteries of the Rosary, one from each of the four sets (the Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful, and Glorious Mysteries), chosen by the number stage at which it was set. For example, stage 1 featured the first of each of the 4 mysteries.
    YHC and Goose returned at exactly 5:15 and executed Warmarama, then the PAX moseyed to the levee where YC gave the rundown. About a third of the way through the thang the wind was accompanied by a light rain, and YHC began to worry—one leaflet had already been blown into the pond and was barely readable… thankfully the rain provided no problems, only a refreshing sprinkle.
     Exercises were assigned to each mystery with at least somewhat biblical connections. The mysteries and their corresponding exercises were as follows:
     
    MOT between stages: 10 burpee broad jumps, run remainder
               
    First Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Annunciation (Luke 1:26-38)- 15 genuflections
    ·      Luminous- The Baptism of Jesus (Matthew 3:13-17)- 30 scuba steves
    ·      Sorrowful- The Agony in the Garden (Mark 14:32-42)- 30 sec mission impossible
    ·      Glorious- The Resurrection (John 20:1-10)- 10 burpees
    Second Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Visitation (Luke 1:39-45)- 15 jump squats
    ·      Luminous- The Wedding Feast at Cana (John 2:1-11)- 25 wife pleasers
    ·      Sorrowful- The Scourging at the Pillar (John 19:1)- 25 merkins
    ·      Glorious- The Ascension (Acts 1:6-11)- 15 star jumps
    Third Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Birth of Christ (Luke 2:1-7)- 30 LBCs
    ·      Luminous- The Proclamation of the Kingdom (pretty much the meat of the Gospels)-            20 monkey humpers
    ·      Sorrowful- The Crowning with Thorns (John 19:1-5)- 20 Carolina dry docks
    ·      Glorious- The Descent of the Holy Spirit on the Apostles (Acts 2:1-13)- run up/down            the levee 10 times
    Fourth Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Presentation of the Child Jesus in the Temple (Luke 2:22-38)- 8 8-count body builders
    ·      Luminous- The Transfiguration (Luke 9:28-36)- 10 hurpees (hand-release burpees)
    ·      Sorrowful- The Carrying of the Cross (Luke 23:26-32)- 15 lunges
    ·      Glorious- The Assumption of Mary (CCC 966)- 20 heels to heaven
    Fifth Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Finding of the Christ Child in the Temple (Luke 2:41-52)- BBSU
    ·      Luminous- The Institution of the Eucharist (Luke 22:14-20)- 15 genuflections
    ·      Sorrowful- The Crucifixion (John 19:17-30)- 15 X-factors (feet stationary)
    ·      Glorious- The Coronation of Mary as Queen of Heaven and Earth (Revelation 12:1)-             25 freddy mercuries
     
     
    After all things had taken place, the PAX picked up and headed back to the flag for COT, with the 6 coming in at exactly 6:00 to complete a morning of excellent timing. The rugby shirt had come into Honey Suckle’s possession because of a comment toward its previous owner, and he “waited for a sign” to show its next PAX to weigh down. That sign came in the form of Lil Cuz‘s comment on how Suckle was the only one thus far who hadn’t sweat through it. COT and Cuz prayed us out.
    F3 has proven to be somewhat pivotal in my slowly maturing prayer life, as I’m sure can be said for many of us. One sign that a beatdown is particularly grueling is if the physical begins to translate to spiritual (e.g. “Lord, I offer this next desperate burst of merkins for…”). It’s in those moments when I remember that Mary brings our own prayers to God and, as any mother would, pleads for Him to grant them. What I like to do before each beatdown is choose someone or something in need of prayers or for whom I simply wish well, and if you don’t do this already, I highly recommend it. Same with a daily Rosary—there have been a few times were I could vaguely sense a fraction of Mary’s reaction at my saying yes to her appeals to pray the Rosary. Mary, more than anyone, knows that nothing is impossible for God, and if any one of her children are in need, she will storm the gates of Heaven to see those needs met. Mary loves us more than we could know, and, like the perfect mother she is, is more than happy to invoke God’s graces to provide for our needs. Again, another comfort we don’t deserve.
                                                                                                    SYITG, Pope

  • 24142 Venti – from Sea Man

    A gentle breeze tampered the humidity. The Pax sojurned up through Tulane and the Cemetery Route! Despite the coolish wx Bad Moon still managed to sweat so much Star Bucks mop team wanted to block his entry. Also had Fredo, Kotter his way back to the Pax! For those interested we are 1 month away from Venti’ 1yr Birthday, and the Venti has been enjoying the inclusion of 2.0s!

  • Cindy Workout from Houston – from Charmin

    Being that YHC posted #DownRange last week in North Houston (NoHo) and there wasn’t a Q signed up yet as of Tuesday night, a cross region rinse & repeat presented itself as an option.

    WARMUP:  

    10 – Side Straddle Hops
    10 – Abe Vigodas
    10 – Grass Grabbers

    It was here that our regional Nantan, FartSack, decided to join us, so in his Honor, we all did 5 burpees.

    10 – Mountain Man Poopers  

    10 Arm Circles F/B/SC/OHC/MNC

    Mosey out to JPAX

    THE THANG:  

    6 Stations 3:30 minutes each

    Arms
    3×10 – Curls
    3×10 – Shoulder Press
    3×10 – Up Right Rows

    Calf Raises
    3×10 – Reg
    3×10 – Out
    3×10 – In

    Thigh
    3×10 – Lunge
    3×10 – Step Ups
    3×10 – Imperial Walkers

    Butt
    3×10 – Goblet Squats
    3×10 – Monkey Humpers
    3×10 – Jump Squats

    Abs
    3×10 – LBC’s
    3×10 – WWII Sit-ups
    3×10 – V-Ups

    Chest
    3×10 – Cindy 1 Arm Merkin
    3×10 – Merkins
    3×10 – Wide Merkins  

    Recover  

    Put up coupons and head back to the Pad

    Head Exercises – Each Pax gives a piece of advice and a 5 Count exercise.  

    Ended with 5 Burpees OYO.

  • Count it out in Months – from Squints

    Not sure if we’ve met. I’m JBL Flip 6, but you can call me JB, that’s what my cool master calls me. We’ve been together for almost 2 years now. That’s a really long time. I was being held tight Saturday morning at 0630 and could feel the surge of my partner that was connecting us. My partner is an iphone. Not gonna lie, I’m a little jealous ‘cause he gets all the attention. But when he needs to be heard, I’m front and center! I started dropping my jams from my partner, which was 90s alternative rock. Not my favorite, but I still dig it. I was thinking my master was about to drop the hammer….then this guy Squints starts talking. He gave a great disclaimer then took us to the peristyle and got us warmed up. I’ve never seen pax move to “I’m just a Girl” from No Doubt like they did. It’s no Xanadu, but it is what it is. This Squints guy knows his stuff, he must be well experienced in this Q leadership thing. With the warmup over, I’m sure my main man is going to take charge. Then Squints says let’s mosey. I don’t know what’s happening. I’m picked up and off we go behind the coffee place where I’ve seen guys clean up in the past. I guess they don’t do that anymore. It looks clean and they probably still take credit. I need to dial up a tune on consistency, or maybe iphone can do an ebook about doing hard things.
    Squints leads the pax to the island behind the coffee shop where some benches are located. I get set on one next to iphone. I’m having a good time just blaring out some Chris Cornell. He’s the best. I hear Squints ask my master if he knows how old he is in months. There’s no way he knows, he’s not very smart. I’m 24 months, he can’t be much more. I was right, he didn’t know. So Squints tells them he designed a routine that will total the months of age of my master. I thought I heard 650 months, but I must have misunderstood. My master is deaf, which apparently was passed on to me. They did bear crawls over 2 bridges, ‘mericans, reverse sweat angels, air presses in the peoples chair, step ups, and jump squats. Doing that for 5 rounds is supposed to total somewhere around 650 reps. I probably missed something because I got left at the island. I was eventually brought back at the end when everyone was finished. I was ready for my fearless leader to do something super original. Squints hands the Q off for the last evolution! Yes, this is gonna be awesome! My idol takes us back toward the great lawn and stops at the light poles in the parking lot. I got my hopes up for nothing. I forgot how disappointing this guy is. He’s certainly no Squints. We do a route 54 with burpees, which was 9 at the first pole, 9 at the second, then 8, then 7, and so on. That totals 54 when all done. Once complete, they did some Mary where I was in the middle, which is where I belong, then back to the flag. If this were a Q vs Q, Squints would have won for sure.

  • A to ‘ – from America’s Best

    YHC arrived early (15 seconds before Goose), full of stoke for this beatdown, but mostly for da playlist. Had one full Hawaii playlist ready, but last night, no reason, YHC switched ‘em out for one playlist of all cover songs. And, like one log cruising over da waterfall in slow motion, they were glorious. . .

    Suddenly, something even more exciting:
    “Hey guys, this is Austin.” White Meat had brought an FNG.
    My brain squirrel jumped on the thinkin’ wheel, and the gears that push the struts that crank the wheels on the train of thought began to turn.
    Austin—>Austin Powers—> Richie Cunningham … but that would have to wait.
    It was time for: The Disclaimer.
    YHC could not remember all the points of the disclaimer. Luckily Paradox, playing Cyrano to my Christian, stood right next to me feeding me the lines. I tried to talk over him, but we all know the futility of that. I swear I didn’t see this coming when I started this analogy, but Paradox is the perfect Cyrano due to their shared love of Roxan(n)e.

    Standard Warmarama
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Windmills, William Mayweather Hayes, Mountain Climbers, Arm Circles, cherry pickers

    Bumper mosey, but there was no bumper! YHC became disoriented and ran in a wandering loop… really all part of the strategy to get to higher mileage… more on that later.

    Da Kine:

    Many months ago, Enron gifted us all with an A to Z beatdown, assigning an exercise to each letter of the alphabet. YHC immediately recognized the value of this “Rosetta Stone of Exicon” and began planning an homage to (ripoff of) that beatdown.

    And so da kine would be the same as Enron’s, but using the Hawaiian alphabet, which contains only 13 letters (if you count the okina, which I did).
    They would be:
    A – Aloha, Merkins (which are just merkins)
    E – Elbow plank
    I – Imperial Walkers
    O – Okole Rollers (BBS)
    U – Upright Rows
    H – Humuhumunukunukuapua’a Humpers
    K – Kurls
    L – Lunges
    M – Merkins
    N – No, Oh Nos
    P – Push-up Pimp Merkins (which are just merkins)
    W – WW2 Sit ups
    ‘ – Prime Time Merkins

    At the last moment, YHC added that designation to the Humpers, challenging anyone to pronounce the state fish of Hawaii. Pope nailed it immediately, completely demoralizing YHC. Mahalo, Disney.

    Because the number of letters is fewer, the number of reps would be higher. YHC loves to test the brainpower of the PAX, so I let everyone know that the number would be 49, and asked if anyone knew the significance of that number. Almost in unison, the PAX fell into my trap. “Because Hawaii is the 49th state.”
    No! No no no. Trick question! Hawaii is the 50th state, and we will do 50 reps of each.
    I can only assume these dudes are streaming “Hawaii 4-9” on WebFlix.

    Like Captain Cook, we circled 2 laps around the island between sets. Sometime during one of those laps, YHC had the epiphany that I had chosen a playlist of all covers, and WetTap fartsacked his Q yesterday, remaining under his covers. This beatdown would be dedicated to WetTap.

    The PAX impressively stuck together through the first 3 or 4 letters, then began to stretch into a greater distance between men. It was interesting to see how each of us had our strengths and weaknesses. My biggest weakness? I care too much.

    We ended with more music trivia, and the PAX performed well, racking up only 7 penalty burpees for missed answers. A final double-or-nothing question was offered and quickly accepted: “Who is the music playlist dedicated to, and why?”
    Goose almost nailed it (“because we covered his Q yesterday”). Actually, his logic was better than mine. Anyway, we did 10 burpees.

    COT
    FNG became who he was meant to be: Huffy.
    Rugby Jersey of Competitive Prowess bestowed upon Honeysuckle (anything to try and slow that man down)

    Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    AB

    AB Sees: That sometimes you gotta rule wit one iron fist. ‘Specially when you might be wrong.
    Aftah da beatdown, my Apple Watch wen read 2.89 miles. One more lap around would give us all solid 3 miles.
    But had some controversy. Mo advanced running calculators worn by mo advanced runners wen show one lower mileage count. My argument: Everybody know Apple technology, while not da best, is mo common and accepted mo universally. So it wins. Kinda like [insert hated presidential candidate]. (See also: Yankee Jeaux’s iPhone conversion).
    Knowing I was up against bettah technology, YHC tried fo shut it down quick. “3 miles, I’m da Q.”

    History is written by da victors, so one final lap would give us 3 full miles.
    Naha stone drop.

    (true story: 5-year old AB talked like that, much to the dismay of his poor mother)

  • What a stormy night – from Mambi

    The storm the night before definitely kept most PAX home. With the exception of 3 including YHC. The track was too wet for the normal Wally Sprint so the 3 PAX decided to run the traditional Wally Run. It was a great run with great conversation and a lot of encouragement. The F2 was the best part of the run. Thanks Pia Gow and Triple Shift.

  • Impromptu Q for two – from Kenna Brah

    Seeing MacGyver was attending to a family emergency, YHC found himself paired with Space Cowboy. After warmups, Mosied to the JPAS for coupons. With said coupons held with arms at 90, walk backwards up ramp, then 10 step ups. Back down and around 3x, repeat same circuit but with block manmakers 10x, 3 rounds. Space had to leave early, so we nosied back for COT.