F3 New Orleans

Category: Northshore

  • The “10” Commandments – from The Hammer

    Four brave souls hit the basketball court Monday morning, led by YHC. First to join Waterpik and myself was a freshly bronzed Jose—straight from Grenada and glowing like a golden churro. Then came Coachella, who clearly forgot this was a workout and not a music festival.

    The day’s theme? The number 10. Because why not suffer symmetrically?

    We kicked off with a “Merkins & Bear Crawls” relay that basically turned the court into a sweaty hamster wheel —10 merkins, bear crawl, 10 merkins, bear crawl again, repeat over and over. We were trying to add enough sweat to erase the Marsh madness tallies that haunt some of us.

    Then came the ladder to 10, aka cardio purgatory. We hit all four corners with 10 merkins and at each stop continued to add 10 reps of another exercise. I can’t remember all of them—because who can remember anything mid-suffering?

    Highlight of the day? Coachella tried to kiss the ground with his whole face. Zero style points, but 10 out of 10 for comedic value.

    We closed with Mary… that lasted a minute and a half. Jose was still on island time, and frankly, we were all too tired to argue.

    Great workout. Even better faceplant.

  • Wall to Wall Disappointment – from Steve

    Man, this was the kinda crowd where you gotta have your coffee before you show up to Q. That or a shot of Jaegermeister.

    Not only did YHC have Bush texting the night before, making sure it would be an “impactful” beatdown before he committed to posting, but I had the Wacker progeny after me as well, with Duke apparently complaining that morning that, “Oh Mr. Steve’s workouts are never that hard.”

    Et tu, Duke?

    YHC had the last laugh, though, conjuring images of Mandeville’s long-dormant Machete Man just before Duke attempted to relieve his bladder in Granny’s bamboo forest. The little man noped right outta there!

    Now I can’t say that this beatdown was impactful, but hey, we did try a few new things. Started each round with a different wall exercise at the far end of the corridor, followed by another exercise x15 at each of three points around the trailhead, before circling back for some calf raises. Rinse and repeat.

    The wall (and subsequent) exercises were:
    BTTW crawl —> 15 jump squats (x3)
    Donkey Kicks x15 —> 15 merkins (x3)
    Hip Slappers x 15 IC —> 15x big boys (x3)
    People’s Chair w/ Air Presses x 100 —> 15x SMK’s IC (x3)
    Dirty hookup x15 (2:1) —> 15x T-merkins (x3)

    Everyone was bummed that we had to save the Chicken Peckers for a later date, but hey, we did get to hear many tales along the way.

    We learned that Jose on vacation in Grenada is the same Jose that we get every week: he nearly memorialized his 10k status on TripAdvisor, threatening the airline that he’d run from the hotel to the airport if they didn’t provide a taxi to get his lost luggage. Considering Jose’s recent mastery of the backblast, I think we can all agree that the world has been deprived of a very unique TripAdvisor review.

    What else… Three of the pax (Russo, Bush, Cowbell) had successfully run the Crescent City Classic over the weekend. Cowbell reminisced about the time the amphitheater bats chased him down the block. Duke counted cadence with the salty authority of the gunnery sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. (Duke also showed us the opposite of “intensify to modify,” with his Dead Superman modification of the t-merkins reminding me of the old days and the infamous “Nacho plank.”) Bushwacker lit fire to his reputation as a tight wad and made it rain this weekend, buying trips and vehicles that would’ve given the Bush of old an aneurism. And last, but certainly not least, we learned that you don’t cut in front of bear-killer Coachella at the lunch line at Piccadilly, even if you are a child. Bad things happen and this man has no problem stepping over your dead body for another scoop of carrot soufflé.

    COT, announcements of the Zoorich Classic this Saturday, Legal’s party on May 10th, and Coachella’s birthday party coming up in June. Stay tuned for details on the latter, which promises to be a Breakfast Club-type collision of stereotypes. And finally, Russo prayed us out.

    T-claps to Coach, who is making a concerted effort to post to multiple weekday beatdowns from here on out. (Be on the lookout for him at Thursday’s Scramble, minus the plate armor.)

    And thank you gentlemen for posting this morning and pushing me to get a little better. Appreciate you.

    Except for Bushwacker, who summarized my effort to make this an impactful beatdown as…

    “Eh.”

  • 52 Get-Ups at The A1c – from Einstein

    Beautiful morning, at the A1C ~ probably nearing last of the pleasant days
    before the heat and humidity really kicks in.

    WARMUP: all IC15x; toe touch, side staddle hops, snap-crackle-pops,
    shoulder rolls, book covers, popeyes, side to side lunges, etc.

    THANG: Deck of Doom – with one rule; everyone has to get up off their six
    between card draws – hence the 52 get-ups.

    Diamonds – run up card value of stripes, back peddle return.
    Clubs – merkins
    Spades – scorpian kicks 2-is-1
    Hearts – iron crosses

    Mary: a set of Fletch Stretch hip openers wrapped up the workout

    DarkWingDuck prayed us out with intentions for Fletch’s mom.

  • Now that is later than usual! – from Shooter

    4 HIMs converged on the Scramble this gloom for a little extra than the norm.. What was normal is Cowbell rolling in hot. Now what wasn’t is how late he arrived. For years he has always showed up precisely 1:10 past 0515. However, today was 1:10 before our departure at 0520..
    What is going on?
    Is this the new norm?
    Was it the absence of Jose10k?
    Maybe it was the lack of Ruckers since RCR ended?
    Whatever it may have been the future Scrambles should provide if it is the new norm.

    Appreciate the post and until the next gloom 👍🏼👊🏼✌🏼!!!

  • 75 Is the New 20 OR 4 Is More, But Ocho Is Great – from Bushwacker

    15 minutes early, YHC was greeted by a chilly last respite from what we down south all know is coming, as well as the remnants of the full moon 4 days back. Since Jose was likely at that moment sleeping the sleep of the over-imbibed and sexually satiated, and not pre-thanging the lonely streets of downtown Covington, the maroon-hooded miscreant moseyed a preview of the route along which the beatdown would lead. Upon returning, Wacker may have made his Cuz slightly uneasy calling out some sort of nonsense from afar without properly identifying himself. Legal had also arrived to greet the gloom. And when Moby approached from YHC’s 6, the sudden recognition of the hoodie caused a cuss to escape his lips, knowing he had already passed the point of no return.

    WARMORAMA

    IC x10:
    SSH, Cherry Pickers, IWs, (When what to Wacker’s wondering eyes should appear, but a grey pick up truck and Ocho wandering near!) Torso Twists, Butt Kicks, Windmills, Dancing Bears, Scorpion Kicks

    THANG

    Mosied to the flag pole at the School Board where we circled up and did x 100;
    AL Gore/JumpSquats
    Plank/Merkins
    Up/Downs (Tenacious as hell and giving everything he had, Moby was slow to get down and even slower to get up)

    Mosied to the Court House where , in similar fashion Freak Nasty Up/Downs (think plank/Merkin except a Freak Nasty) x100
    Next PAX do continuous Step Ups as each man runs to the stairs, Bunny Hops up, then returns in a Sprint. Finally, alternating as needed between lunges and squats while each man runs to the ramp, Bear Crawls up and runs back. At this point you may have expected Moby to be gasping his last, but check yourself, Boyo, because this Diamond-Studded Septuagenarian was kicking ass and chewing bubbble gum (except he was all out of bubble gum!) He lead the pack as we mosied back to the flag for …

    MARY

    Similarly to our first 4 sets of exercises, we were on our sixes with hands and feet elevated, counting to 50 reps of individual V Ups, followed by Supermans in the same tune. 25 IC Hammers, Flutter Kicks, and E2Ks (25L/25R) to wrap things up.

    COT

    Count/ Name/ Ocho prayed us out. 2nd EVER F2 Extravaganza! 5/10, prayers for our own Frank the Tank as he prepares to embark on his foray into the Boston Marathon this Monday.
    To quote Andy Stitzer, “Is it true that if you don’t use it you lose it?” Yes Andy, it is. But at F3 Northshore’s Retirement Village, they clearly still know how to use it, because they haven’t lost a step! And, you know, that fact will help YHC sleepp a little better tonight,

    SYITG

  • What’s my password? I should write it down. – from Russo

    Here’s the progression of thought: I forgot it was Tax day, and the next thing you know, the conversation revolves around passwords (not the super cool TV game show) and secret IRA and checking accounts. One thing leads to another, and then it’s “I’m at the age where I feel like if I died I’d have done a good enough job and my family would be ok”, preceded by “yeah we’re at that drop dead age now.” Once again, you had to be there.

    Here’s a few passwords for today’s beatdown:

    “Solid” – some people are just dependable. Some are not. Steve is the former. A regular at Granny’s, even when it’s not his Q.

    “Weatheriswarmer” – not the kind of stifling heat and humidity yet, but juuuuust on the cusp.

    “Babysitter247” – Steve’s got young entrepreneurs that are learning the value of a dollar.

    “Getofftheroad911” – my 2.0 is itching to get out on the road after one day of driver’s ed. Get your errands done early.

    Warmup (all 10x IC)
    – Imperial walkers
    – Arm circles
    – Good mornings
    – Grass grabbers
    – Torso twists
    – Cherry pickers

    Thang
    Mosey to the bridge, where at every block it was 20 plankjacks and 20 squats.

    At the bridge: 7s (Peter Parker’s merkins and Donkey kicks)

    Between:
    – Mosey 2x
    – Carioca
    – Back pedal
    – Lunge walk
    – Side Shuffle

    Back at the pad, Mary included some 15x IC core (LBC, Gas Pumps, Penguins, Crunchy Frogs).

    COT, NOR, Announcements, and Prayer closed us out. SYITG

  • Mile at the Marsh – from Akbar

    4 strong at the Marsh this gloom. With Jose 10k on vacation, we had a FNG take his place. Brandon found us on Slack and is a firefighter in Robert.

    Conditions: Perfect, 60’s with strong winds at the Lakefront.

    Warm up: SSH, Mountain Climbers, arm circles, SSH, Should Claps, Imperial Walkers, Hill Billy, Self Love,, Toe Touches

    Mosey to the playground for 3 sets of 5 Pull Ups, 10 Superman’s, 10 Squats

    Milestone Marsh run to the lakefront stopping at each intersection for 10 Merkins IC, 10 Jump Squats, 10 Shoulder Taps.

    To the seawall for 3 sets of Freak Nasty, Bulgarian Split Squat x10 descending by 2 each round, with a recovery lunge walk to the tree and back in between sets.

    Back to the flag stopping at each intersection for Crunchy Frogs, Penguins, and Mountain climbers

    Announcements: Zurich Classic this Saturday, Legals May get together in Covington.

    Count, Name, welcome new FNG Roxanne. YHC prayed us out with a focus on Holy Week

    SYITG,

    Akbar

  • Seventy-five and Still Alive – from Mobydick

    Under a full moon in wx to die for the combined pax of A1c and The Splash Pad came to get her to help YHC celebrate surviving and thriving with an All out workout for my 75th birthday. It was a pleasure be able to Q a wo that got some sweat out of some of the most season of us. A full body warmup with 75 reps of SSH Grass grabbers windmills high knees torso twist hi jill hi jack etc preceded the Thang. A mossey to the top of the garage ramp and a first of five sets of 15 dips With a run to the bottom of the ramp for the second set of 15 and back to the top for the third set you get the pix. For a total of 75 reps . Rinse and repeat with leg lifts, crunches, wife pleasers something else something else. Mix up the 25 or so runs up and down the ramps with backpeddles karaoke lunges etc and a good solid All Out workout that 8 years ago would have killed yours truly. But with the support and encouragement of my F3 buddies Thai old man that would have been headed for the home is now able handle all with grace. Thanks to you all.

  • 4-Mile Mayhem – from Shooter

    This is nowhere near as epic as the previous one, but we did our best with less time. I hope you all enjoy:

    The sun had barely risen when Shooter, smelling faintly of gunpowder and deer pee, rallied the troops for a 4-mile run through the suburban wilderness. Clad in camo shorts and suspicious confidence, he declared, “If we see a squirrel, it’s dinner.”

    Waterpik, always fresh from a fluoride rinse and reeking of peppermint, warned everyone to floss or die. He spent most of the run critiquing everyone’s gum health between wheezes.

    Bushwacker tried to take a shortcut through some hedges, screaming “I’m one with the landscape!” before tripping over a sprinkler head and performing a full scissor-kick dismount into someone’s rosebush. Nature: 1, Bushwacker: bloodied. It’s not the first time we has scissoring during a beatdown in Mandeville

    Hammer, the group’s legal eagle, spent the entire run drafting a class-action lawsuit against cardio. He cited mental anguish, chafing, and unsolicited motivational phrases as grounds for litigation. He began quoting 80s legal dramas, which most of us could not recall. We simply pleaded the 5th.

    Ballz Deep, who insists tennis counts as both cardio and therapy, ran in short shorts and a headband, aggressively grunting with every step like he was serving at Wimbledon. People stared. Children cried. He never broke pace.

    Then came Jose10k, part educator, part miracle worker, and fully out of place among this testosterone-fueled chaos. He delivered inspirational quotes mid-stride and tried to turn the run into a teachable moment. Unfortunately, nobody passed his pop quiz on “Proper Pacing and You.” So he decided to Ruck. He was going to quote Dangerous Minds while listening to Coolio, just to change up his play list to appease Cowbell.

    They finished the 4 miles sweaty, slightly broken, and somehow closer than ever. No records were broken, but egos certainly were. One thing’s for sure: adult fitness looks less like a Nike ad and more like a comedy sketch filmed in slow motion.

    Same time next week? God help us.

  • Elevens at The Gipper – from Einstein

    Nice and cool at The Gipper this morning ~ 45 degrees & low humidity

    WARMUP: windmills, toe touch, side straddle hops, shoulder rolls, hi-jack hi-jills,
    snap crackle pops, book covers, side to side lunges, backward lounges, etc.

    THANG:
    Mosey to the Justice Center Courthouse
    Set of Elevens; 10 burpees to start, run up the steps, 1 merkin at the top,
    run down and around to starting point, and descend/ascend.

    Mary: none, no time left

    T-Claps to Moby (74.99452054794520547945205479452055 y.o.) for doing a good job on the running.

    Barely Legal prayed us out with intentions for his Mom and for Fletch’s Mom