F3 New Orleans

Tag: Bolt

  • Traversing the Birth Canal – from Fast Tax

    Traversing the Birth Canal

    It was a crisp, cold morning at Rock City as eleven PAX joined YHC for his 50th birthday Q.
    After disclaimer, we headed near the rock pile for warmups.

    Warmups consisted of:
    o Abe Vigodas X 10 IC
    o Nancy Kerrigans X 10 IC
    o Hairy Rockettes X 10 IC
    o Grass Grabbers IC 10
    o SSH IC 10

    Sufficiently warmed, we headed to the rock pile, grabbed medium rocks (most of us) and headed to the playground in search of YHC’s lost youth.

    The first event, which I am very uncreatively calling “Rock the Court”, pushed the bounds of comprehension/attention for many of the PAX in attendance (resulting in 10 punitive burpees before we even began) and went like this:
    Divide into 4 teams with each team occupying on corner of the tennis courts enclosure and four rocks (one for each team) placed in the center. One PAX member from each team runs to the center and performs 10 reps of the first of five selected exercises (O/H Press, Curls, Tricep Lifts, Rows, and Burpees) while the rest of the PAX are in a low plank. When he returns to his corner and low-planks, the next teammate runs to the center and does 10 of the same exercise. This repeats until all PAX on the team has had a turn, then the cycle repeats for the next exercise, and so on, until all five are complete.

    Leaving the tennis courts behind, we circled up for a round of Rocks Up (IC 15) and then it was off to the playground for YHC to deny his 50 years by proving he was still a child, or at least could act like one.

    The Playground Scramble went something like this:
    PAX start in plank while first PAX soldier crawls up the spiraled tubular slide (aptly but alarmingly described by Bolt as climbing out of the birth canal), down the ramp, through the small tunnel, then arm over arm across the monkey bars, across the balance beam, arm over arm across the next two overhead bar things then side scramble across the rock wall, all while not touching the ground (because it’s hot lava of course). Anyone touching the ground had to do 20 burpees.
    Next PAX can start up the slide after the PAX ahead of him exits the slide at the top. PAX waiting at the beginning or the end had to do continuous BBS until Q called plank or some other exercise.

    As we prepared to bring the rocks back, for a little extra entertainment, YHC thought “what kid doesn’t like a game of Indian Run?” With rocks of course. After 1 ½ cycles, YHC lost interest…time to drop off rocks and mosey to the flag.

    With a few minutes to spare, and YHC still trying to cling to his youth, we circled around the tree for Duck-Duck-Burpee, which Willie apparently forgot how to play…

    At 6:15 we headed to COT for name-o-rama, announcements, intentions, and prayer, followed by Coffeteria at PJs with a special treat (homemade coffee cake) by Mrs. Fast Tax, now affectionately called “Audit.”

    Gratitude to Bogey, Bolt, Frac Sac, Hand Grenada, Jingle Vader, King Kong, Mahatma, Scantron, Tax Credit (my 2.0), Vagabond, and Willie for being part of my birthday Q and making it so enjoyable.

    Thanks for the fellowship!
    SYITG

  • The 12 Days of FITmas (El Diablo edition) – from Bolt

    With a couple PAX keying off my self-promoting post offering the Bolt 3M guarantee, 7 PAX joined YHC in the gloom for a peek at what’s in my sack, like good little boys anxious for their gifts! Upon the disclaimer we moseyed to the goal line where we circled up for the warmup. At some point during the warmup War Eagle and Rougarou snuck in as if I didn’t see them—COAL for you; those who are late do not get fruit cup!

    Warmup IC: SSH (25), Abe SLOWgodas(10), arm circles forward/back, tclaps, MNC (all 20x), self love (15); Toy soldiers, Hillbillies (20x), Grumbling from Rudy about the length of warmup (hey, Rapper’s Delight is 7+ minutes—my Q, bro!)

    YHC explained each day of Fitmas would be performed alternating between the 50 and goal line via mosey (Day 1) and each day represented a different exercise and the corresponding number of reps matching the day of Fitmas, followed by each previous days’ exercises/reps. As PAX completed their mosey to the 50/goal line to await the six they were treated to milk and cookies, if milk and cookies were, in fact, SSH which allowed all PAX to open the next day’s gift from their Q together.

    Day 1: Mosey
    Day 2: Diamond merkins
    Day3: Shoulder Taps (2:1)
    Day 4: Reverse Lunges (2:1)
    Day 5: Burpees
    Day 6: Squats
    Day 7: Merkins
    Day 8: Big Boy sit-ups
    Day 9: Flutter Kicks
    Day 10: LBCs
    Day 11: Plank Jacks
    Day 12: Mtn. Climbers (2:1)

    Mosey to the bleachers and celebrate the eight crazy nights of Hanukkah with what else? Up and down a Merkin ladder of course, rungs one through eight adding a rep on the way up and decreasing a rep on the way down.

    Mosey to flag and circle up for Mary: 20 LBCs, 25 dying cockroaches, 30 penguins, 35 LBT. Don’t think I didn’t notice some unnamed PAX NOT performing reps at various points and Bogey even gave me a little side eye that I could only interpret as, “You gotta be Fitmas-ing kidding me!?” as he took a breather—or four…

    COT; honored to lead this group of fine men and thankful for each of you for pushing me—forward is the direction we go!

  • Battle Frisburpee 2.0 – from Fast Tax

    Battle Frisburpee 2.0
    It was a pleasantly coolish morning at the Uptowner as seven PAX arrived to close out the week. After a quick disclaimer, and ignoring PAX questions regarding any Battle Frisburpee rules changes, we moseyed to the field for warm ups:
    o Grass Grabbers
    o Bat Wings w/ MNC
    o Skydiving Snow Angels

    Unwilling to jump right into the highly anticipated main event, YHC kicked things off with 50 yds of Welsh Dragons:
    While remaining in plank position, PAX bear crawls forward 5 yds, do 1 merkin, 1 plank jack, and tap the BACK of each shoulder 1 time (YHC did forget this part). Repeat adding 1 rep to each exercise each 5 yds – bear crawl forward 5 yds, do 2 merkins, 2 plank jacks, 2 sets of back of shoulder taps… etc. We continued until we got to 10 reps each (50 yds), holding plank for rest of PAX to finish, then mosey back to the middle of the field.

    Thinking that PAX needed some warmup to their Frisbee throwing skills before the main event, YHC selected GO FETCH as the next thang:
    One pax throws a frisbee. All PAX sprint in that direction until frisbee lands. When it lands, all PAX stop and then lunge-walk until they get to the frisbee. First PAXD there gets to throw the Frisbee, rinse and repeat except change out lunge-walk with bear crawl, crab-walk and walk-crab, which YHC apparently got backwards…

    With 25 minutes to go, it was time for BATTLE FRISBURPEE.
    Even though YHC posted the rules on at least three different sites/channels/threads, a reminder of the rules (and a few added clarifications), was still requested by PAX in attendance.

    The revised complete rules are produced at the end of this Backblast.

    With that out of the way YHC will finish the tale…
    Team 1 (shirts): Bogie, Boo-Boo, MacGyver, and Fast Tax
    Team 2 (skins): Scantron, War Eagle, Bolt, and Fast Tax
    Since we had an odd number, YHC switched teams halfway through.

    The battle was close and hard fought with a score of 0-0 at the half. With the transition of Fast Tax to Team 2, the game took a decidedly more one-sided and aggressive (War Eagle) turn. Boo-Boo perfected the slow burpee on top of the Frisbee, while War Eagle demonstrated what full contact Battle Frisburpee could look like. YHC accidentally exhibited where not to throw the ball at an opposing player after which Bogey revealed the depths of his tenor – sorry Bogie. Team 2 pulled ahead and closed out the game 2-0.

    With game over we headed to COT for name-o-rama, announcements, intentions, and prayer.
    Followed by Coffeteria at PJs.
    Thanks for the fellowship! SYITG

    Battle Frisburpee – The Concept:
    A blend of ultimate Frisbee, soccer, and dodgeball, with an emphasis on individual burpee punishment, played running the width of a football field (sideline to sideline) as the length and the 5 and 20 yard lines as the left and right boundaries. Each side’s goal begins at the sideline and has a depth of 5 yards in from the corresponding end. This equates to a field 160 yds from end to end, excluding a 5 yd end zone on each side, and a width of 15 yards (or more if more than 10 players). The Goalie Box extends from the back of the end zone to the sideline plus 5 yards in, or 10 yards deep in total.

    Battle Frisburpee – The Rules:
    To score, a PAX must catch the Frisbee in the opposing team’s end zone (duh).
    When a team scores, the entire opposing team must do 3 burpees.
    If the Frisbee is dropped, i.e. thrown but not caught, the last person it touches (usually the one throwing it or the one who muffed the catch) must immediately drop and do 3 burpees. The Frisbee is still “live” and is treated as a fumble, any nearby PAX from either team can pick it up and resume play.

    If the Frisbee goes out of bounds, the last person it touches (usually the one throwing it or whoever it hits on the way out) must immediately drop and do 3 burpees. The Frisbee is “dead” and is treated like a soccer ball that went out of bounds, i.e. the opposing team now stands at the spot it went out and immediately resumes play (without waiting for burpees to be completed).

    If either of the player’s feet or any part of the Frisbee itself crosses the boundary, it is deemed out of bounds (clarification provided for Frac’s sake).

    Each team must appoint a “Baller” to act as a goalie of sorts. The Baller must stay in the Goalie Box if they are holding the ball and can throw the dodgeball at any approaching opposing team member, whether that person is holding a Frisbee or not. A player hit with the ball, must immediately drop the Frisbee, if carrying one, and do 3 burpees. The Frisbee is still “live” and can be picked up immediately by anyone else.

    The player is only “hit” if the ball doesn’t touch the ground first.

    The Baller is the only one who can throw the ball at an opposing player and the Baller must throw only from the Goalie Box.

    The Baller can leave the Goalie Box to retrieve the ball or teammates can retrieve for him. The opposing team cannot interfere with the retrieval of the ball.
    At any time, the Baller can elect to act as a player and run down the field but he must leave the ball in the Goalie Box, thus leaving the Goalie Box unguarded.

    If the Baller accidentally throws the ball at an opposing player’s family jewels, the hit player gets a free pass on burpees. (For Bogie)

    A player carrying the Frisbee can throw the Frisbee at an opposing player (that is guarding too closely) resulting in that player having to immediately drop and do 3 burpees.

  • The timely demise of Judge Boudreaux T Hawg, III – from Mambi

    Q v Q. Reluctant Yankee proved just how reluctant he is by backing out (presumably out of fear, though the claim was an “illness” or “injury”). So who would step up to face the formidable champion, Judge Boudreaux T Hawg, III? Who dared to face the swift and sure hand of justice? When what to our wondering eyes should appear, but a raving lunatic in a Mini? Yes, Rudy-Clause emerged from the dense fog at the last minute carrying a bag of toys for all the PAX. And with that, let the games begin.

    Warm Up: Don “Mambi” King kicked off with a welcome and a warmup. SSH, IW, some arm circles, and such. But he quickly handed control to the reigning Q champion to start the main event. But the good Judge was obviously cowering in fear of the imposing form of his opponent, and tapped out. So Rudy-Clause had the opening.

    Thing 1: Naughty and Nice. 6 PAX were obviously naughty. Its clear that Triple Shift and his ilk are on track to have empty stockings this year. They were sent off to collect coupons. The Nice PAX (here’s looking at you, Hokie!) instead got to collect gifts from Santas bag. And what should they find? Bricks! Each Naughty PAX pair up with a Nice PAX. Naughty PAX: start thrusters. Nice PAX: how about some Floyd M’s with the bricks, then a 10 yard out-and-back bear crawl. Naughty PAX griping about the unfairness of it all. So swap with your partner. Time for one more round: Naughty start with Brick-pees, Nice get some Wonder Bras (push them bricks out, then push them up) with an out-and-back Crab Walk. Trade off again, but we ran out of time. Rudy-Clause suspects that the host was skewing time in favor of the reigning champ.

    Thing 2: The Good Judge explains that the only way to shut Rudy up is to enforce a “Mouths Closed” rule. So all PAX start following the judge on a run. If you mouth off, you have to drop and start burpeeing. Surprisingly, Rudy and all the PAX kept quiet, though Bolt and Hokie decided to stop for burpees rather than continuing to run. Frac, however, kept running despite talking in the back of the line. PAX followed the Judge to U-Turn and pick up the missing PAX, stopping for some burpees too. Then continue on to the Mountain for some Obnoxious Exercises (emphasizing what the Judge claims is the “Obnoxious banter” of his foe). Rudy pointed out that some times, exercises just need a little clarification. And with that: Crawl-Bear up the mountain. Think that was obnoxious? How about Walk Crab up the mountain (Gabby calls it quits and just decides to walk). Oh, but the judge wasn’t done yet. He devised an insidious child’s play game – “Somersault Up the Mountain”. RevSox seemed very confused by this one, and just started rolling around in the grass after smacking straight out of his lane into another PAX. Oh, TIMES UP.

    Thing 3: Rudy-Clause starts by observing the recent lessons of his beloved coach Kelly: what better way to care for the kids in ones care then by ABANDONING THEM IN THE HOUR OF NEED. The Santa Clause robes stripped bare, Rudy-Kelly stands before the PAX sporting his new LSU gear. Lets celebrate “Big Game Brian’s” history of success at ND with some over-and-back exercises with numbers called out from the BK era. 0 National Championships (stand there). 1 Freakish southern-faux accent (over and back). 3 losses in CFP (8 ct body builders). 5 losses to “power 5” teams (burpees). 8 losses to “academic peer” institutions (carolina wine mixers). 11 losses to Top 10 teams (BBSU). 21 vacated wins (SSH). Don King calls time before we get to cumulative 72 point losses in CFP. Mahatma greatly appreciated this new insight into his favorite coach!

    Thing 4: Took a little while for this one to come together for the good Judge. Rudy speculated that this set probably looked better on paper than in practice. But lets give it a shot. 3 PAX on the ground holding bricks. A 4th PAX lay across them. Then the PAX try to “bench press”. Everyone got a turn laying, everyone got plenty of turns pressing. One more “Max Out” with 2 PAX together pressing one standing PAX. Most of the PAX got to bench press Fast Tax, who weighs 88 pounds. But when Rudy Clause went down for the count, the good Judge doled out the worst punishment – putting his own 211 pounds on the blocks. A valiant effort by Pai Gow and Rudy but they barely moved that massive load. And with that – time’s up.

    The good Judge gave an impassioned closing argument, explaining just how much of a HIM his opponent was (many thanks!). Rudy Clause seemed surprised by the need to make a closing argument, and could only muster a “Merry Christmas – do you want presents or not?”

    COT: 12 PAX count off. Plenty of confusion on just how to state name, F3 name and age. You’d think this group of veterans would know this by now. Plenty of intentions, including specifically Minute Rice – for strength through a health challenge, and for embarking on a new life with his bride.

    Then the final tally was in – at first, it looked as if the Judge may have fooled enough jurors with his smoke screens of lies and fast talking. Would it be a hung jury? But no – in the end, the PAX voted for the restoration of Christmas this year and sent the Judge packing.

    Come join the Q v Q next month (next year) to see if The Shrimp Man (King Kong) answers the bell!

  • Bringing the Wood (-en toothpick) – from Rudy

    El Diablo Bringing the Wood. Thanks to Thumb War for inspiring Hawg to start a new tradition! The El Diablo bat was to make its first appearance this fine morning. From here on out – 30 El Diablo workouts, including 5 Qs, will get your name etched on this fine bat.

    The PAX were all anxious to see The Wood. The anticipation. The anxiety. The desire to be like Reggie Bush, bringing That Wood to El Diablo. YHC had the Q, so Hawg who was allegedly travelling delivered the wood the night before.

    YHC took one look at the Wood, and suspected there would be problems. And as the PAX gathered in the gloom, YHC was right. “Where’s the Bat?” asked Scantron. “Wait, is that it?” sez Bogey. “That looks like a Toothpick” mocked Bolt. And on and on it went. YHC had to deflect criticism, happily throwing Hawg under the bus – “Hey, don’t hate the messenger.”

    But anyway, this is our Wood (or Wood-let, or Wooden Toothpick). Whatever, lets get started.

    Quick Warmup, then all the PAX grab one of the presents that YHC had delivered to the football field. A Log, a Bag o’ Rocks, A workout rope, dumbbells (not the War Eagle kind), medicine ball, etc.. All in, some 10 toys were available. But alas – there were 16 of us (counting the late arriving Triple Shift). So make do with some other exercises (burpees – what else would FracSac pick, 8 counts, etc…). One good addition – balancing on a basketball for derkins. Challenge both the upper body and core to stay on that ball.

    The Thang: one PAX (“it”) runs a lap with the bat above their head. (shortly modified to half a lap in the interest of time). Everyone else is doing their exercise with their thing. Then we rotate. Everyone got a chance with all of the toys, and everyone got to run once with the glorious bat. FastTax had an interesting take on “Thruster” that looked strangely like a “Squat”.

    Still had time for a Brian Kelly inspired game of “Turncoats and Traitors”. Groups of 3 – one PAX sprint backwards across the football field. The other two start with 2 burpees (later 1 burpee, later 1 8 ct) then sprint to catch the traitor. If they caught him, the traitor did burpees. Otherwise, the chasers did burpees. Or maybe everyone did burpees. Depends on how YHC felt at the moment. So everyone got to be a traitor and get chased down. Good times. Enjoy your coach, LSU.

    COT – 16 PAX welcomed the bat. Great seeing everyone in the glom, and welcome to Downhiller from Birmingham. Thanks for letting me try some new things – look forward to June 22nd, 2022 (the 30th El Diablo workout from now) to see who may be first to get their name on the bat.

  • A View to a Kill–er Beatdown – from Bolt

    With a lukewarm Celsius energy drink in my cup holder, I scanned the sky for the remnants of a 600 year lunar event that was nowhere to be found, somewhat disappointed I didn’t venture outside at whatever I times I woke up during the window that surely was THE event. Nonetheless, I’d put my feet on the floor with a commitment to wake up early and do hard stuff, particularly since it was my Q. Surely the PAX I called out with @mentions would follow their guilt West to Kenna hoping the once-in-ten lifetimes celestial event would compel them to as well. Upon pulling up to the AO, my expectations slightly sank as I began to wonder if I’d have the fortitude of a Logo, who solo Q’d/PAX’d a mere two days before!? As I grumbled to myself about not wearing pants or a hat today given the malevolent wind, what should appear but a Mambi, the site Q, in his sheet metal cocoon offering me a warm respite as we awaited other PAX. Alas, 5:30 came and I gave the requisite disclaimer from the warm environs, urging us toward the elements to begin the Bolt 3M promise.

    Warmup: SSH x22, Abe SLOWgodas x10, arm circles forward/back, overhead/seal claps, chinooks forward/back, Moroccan night clubs all x15, self love x10, Toy Soldiers x20, raised arm squat holds x10

    Grab a coupon and waiter carry, switching arms half way-ish crossing the levy to the blustery-er side (that’s a word, right Hawg!?) with angry waves crashing the shoreline rocks. What might my lone compatriot think of this seemingly innocuous start to a beatdown? Were he here, Mahatma surely would be trying to contain his disdain and pursing his lips, lest he ask when either the cardio or the lactic acid would ramp up!? Alas, YHC explained the initial exercises would be a slow burn that primed the body for the second group of exercises. What’s that, you say!? You’ve never heard of those listed below? Would I describe them for you!? NEIN! Curiosity will bring you here for my next Q on 11/29 and I’ll gladly teach you the secret handshake—if you ask nicely…
    Supine spinal stretch
    Low lunge to half split
    90-90 stretch
    Thread the needle
    The real real:
    Kettlebell swings>Primal Walkout>Sit-up-to-punch combo>coupon thrusters AMRAP 45sec work/30 secs rest between exercises (rinse/repeat).
    Carry coupons home>COT
    While few in numbers, mighty in spirit; I’ll return to Q this AO merely for the epic sunrise; until we meet again…

  • Twas an Epic Battle – from Fast Tax

    ‘Twas an Epic Battle
    The morning dawned bright and clear at El Diablo as 10 PAX made their way to the flag, having made the wise choice to avoid the pot-hole ridden millennial Frisbee game Uptown. You could feel the wonder and anticipation permeating in the crisp November air as questions swirled in the minds of the PAX present; what did Fast Tax have in store for us? Would there be chocolate as promised? Did I leave the iron on?

    After a quick disclaimer, we moseyed to our usual warm-up area by the rocks accompanied by Fracsac’s and Bogie’s moaning about it being a sprint instead of a mosey.
    Just for Hokie, YHC modified his regimented game plan to begin with Hillbillies, for a reason that I can no longer remember…something to do with some team winning something…

    Remaining warmups consisted of:
    o Arm Circles (fwd and bwd)
    o Seal Claps
    o Skydiving Australian Snow Angels

    Right as warmups completed, we were joined by Stripes, (Fast Tax 2.0) having returned from deployment.

    Unwilling to jump right into the main event, YHC selected the Ascending Testicles to kick things off: 10 Merkins OYO at 15 degrees (hold for PAX), 10 Merkins at 45 degrees, and hold at 90 degrees (aka balls to the wall).

    The next exercise, the Bruce Lee, would test the bounds of the concentration or understanding of many of the PAX (apparently), since the difficulty evident in following directions was paramount.

    The Bruce Lee was supposed to consist of 3 sets of 15 reps of each the following: Hammer, Leg Lifts, Dying Cockroach, LBCs, Heel Touch, and Crunchy Frog, with a 30 sec rest b/t sets.

    However, with time and comprehension both limited, YHC wisely decided to push on to the next event, the Flip-Flop.

    The Flip-Flop is a 2-PAX team exercise that begins on a starting line with PAX 1 flipping a pallet end over end to a designated finish line while PAX 2 lunges to the same line holding a 35-40lb rock. PAX switch at the line and race back. Admittedly, YHC could have engineered more creative uses for the pallets (thanks to Hokie for the pallet loaner) but, I didn’t want to take too much time away from the main event.

    After returning rocks and pallets, we moseyed to the field for the big reveal…BATTLE FRISBURPEE.

    To the wonder and delight of those in attendance, YHC explained the concept and the rules.

    Battle Frisburpee – The Concept:
    A blend of ultimate Frisbee and dodgeball, with an emphasis on individual burpee punishment, played running the width of a football field as the length and the 5 and 20 yard lines as the left and right boundaries. Each sides goal began 5 yards in from the corresponding end. This equates to a field 160 yds from end to end, including a 5 yd end zone on each side, and a width of 15 yards (or more if more than 10 players).

    Battle Frisburpee – The Rules:
    To score, a PAX must catch the Frisbee in the opposing team’s end zone (duh).
    When a team scores, the entire opposing team must do 4 burpees.
    If the Frisbee is dropped, i.e. thrown but not caught, the last person it touches (usually the one throwing it or the one who muffed the catch) must immediately drop and do 4 burpees. The Frisbee is still “live” and is treated as a fumble, any nearby PAX from either team can pick it up and resume play.

    If the Frisbee goes out of bounds, the last person it touches (usually the one throwing it or whoever it hits on the way out) must immediately drop and do 4 burpees. The Frisbee is “dead” and is treated like a soccer ball that went out of bounds, i.e. the opposing team now stands at the spot it went out and immediately resumes play (without waiting for burpees to be completed).

    If either of the player’s feet or any part of the Frisbee itself crosses the boundary, it is deemed out of bounds (clarification provided for Frac’s sake).
    Each team must appoint a “Baller” to act as a goalie of sorts. The Baller stays in the end zone and can throw the dodgeball at any approaching opposing team member, whether they are holding a Frisbee or not. A player hit with the ball, must immediately drop the Frisbee, if carrying one, and do 4 burpees. The Frisbee is still “live” and can be picked up by anyone else.

    The Baller is the only one who can throw the ball at an opposing player and the Baller must throw only from the end zone.
    The player is only “hit” if the ball doesn’t touch the ground first.

    With that out of the way YHC will finish the tale…
    Team 1: Fast Tax, Stripes, Bolt, Shooter, and Triple Shift
    Team 2: Boo-Boo, Hokie, Bogie, Frac Sac, Hawg, and Rudy

    The battle was close and hard fought…not really. It was close for the first 2 points, then admittedly, Team 2 pulled ahead, clearly due to their height advantage over Team 1. After several close calls and numerous burpees, Team 2 walked away with bragging rights, with a final score of 4-1.

    With game over we headed to COT for name-o-rama, announcements, intentions, and prayer.
    Followed by Coffeteria at PJs.

    Thanks for the fellowship!
    SYITG