Mosey to the pad on a nice cool morning.
Warm up: stretch arms, Abe vigoda, grass grabber, calf scoop, imperial walker, Peter Parker.
The thang: every one choose an exercise, last
man is the timer who runs backward to the can while everyone does their exercise. Rotate , 2 rounds.
Mosey to the JPAC for a round of 11’s: step ups, run up the stairs, monkey humpers then down the ramp.
Mosey to the COT
You cannot ignore the H8! We tried. There was no H8! in April. Honestly, I forgot all about it. I guess I tried to push the H8! way down deep, but it never went away. The last few months have shown me that the H8! is always there. I can’t ignore it. I have to deal with it.
The Thang:
Each lap consists of running south to the top of the levee, crossing canal (bear crawling the neutral ground), running south to the bottom of the levee, cross canal and run north to the top of the levee, cross canal (bear crawling the neutral ground), running north down the levee and back across canal to the starting point. At the starting point, you do a descending burp and merk pyramid starting at 8 (burpee with 8 merkins, burpee with 7 merkins…burpee with 1 merkin)
At the end of the 2nd lap the burp and merk pyramid starts at 7, etc.
The goal is to complete 8 laps in 40 minutes. According to MapMyRun, each loop is approximately 0.4 miles. Therefore, to conquer the H8! you will have to do the following in 40 minutes:
• Run over 3 Miles of Hills
• 550 Yards of Bear Crawls
• 36 Burpees
• 120 Merkins
We did AMRAP in 40 minutes.
NMM
• This was a full compliance hate – Strict 40 minute time limit, running on the sidewalk, no corner cutting, and bear crawling the entire length of the neutral ground.
• We had 12 guys attempt the H8! Today. That’s a good turnout. T-claps to The Architect, High Rise, Mahatma, Mayhem, Pinewood, Mr. Rodgers, Rudy, Smooth, SOGO, Thighs, and Triple Shift for choosing to do hard things.
• Was Mr. Rodgers brazen enough to attempt the H8! in a weighted vest?
• A special shout out to High Rise and Mayhem for resisting the pull of the LVCC and their Temple of the Ole Man River. Members of the temple are devoted to a Chatbot they call Coach Greg. I was hoping a few more members would be willing to choose to battle the H8! Especially without their High Priestess Kuch and his Eunuch Glitter Balls in attendance. Unfortunately, the devotion of the following was too strong for them to waiver from the Supreme Chatbot’s commands. Bongo, El Guapo, Jesus Juice, Mama’s Pride, Saban, Sandberg, and Thumbwar sacrificed their manhood in sacred devotion to Coach Gregg this morning with a 45-minute easy run ritual.
• Three completed all 8 laps today: Smooth, YHC, and The Architect.
• Smooth went back out for lap 9 and was about 5 seconds short of finishing the running portion of the lap.
• If you have ever helped with a Youth Run Nola event, you will know that the kids take off in a sprint when the gun goes off. They do not know the difference between a 100-meter dash and a 3-mile run. I’m guessing Pinewood is a YRN alum.
• There were a few guys that finished the eight laps in just over 40 minutes. They are prime to get all eight in April.
• Speaking of April, we now have 6 months to prepare. Let’s keep pushing each other to stay disciplined and continue accelerating.
It was 1:00 in the afternoon, and the temperatures in the Canyon were nearing their forecasted peak of 105°F. Hawgcycle cooled off by standing on the moss-covered rocks under Ribbon Falls and then made his way back down to the shaded ledge where he had been napping for the past two hours. He climbed back over to the place where he had emptied his pockets. Strewn across the rocks were a cell phone with no service, two Payday bars, a Cliff bar, and four tortillas carefully wrapped in aluminum foil and carried from the Mexican restaurant on the South Rim the night before. He sat down and laid his head back against the rock. “How could a rock be this comfortable?” he thought. It was shaped like the neck pillow that Zeus wore for the entire six-hour bus ride from Phoenix. It seems favor shines on Hawgcycle wherever he goes. God even took time from creating the Grand Canyon to make sure there was a rock that would fit Hawgcycle perfectly in case he ever wanted to rest in the shade of Ribbon Falls. It’s hard to like a guy that blessed. Makes you want to leave him for dead in the bottom of the canyon.
The krewe from New Orleans got off to a rough start that morning. Seven of them arrived at the trailhead on the chartered F3 bus. Triple Shift, Bolt, Rev-it, and Vagabond made a beeline for the outdoor toilets. Bolt and Rev-it had—against the pleas of everyone at their table—ordered the Chile Coronado the night before. Vagabond, being more confident in his Spanish skills than he should be, ended up ordering the pollo medium-rare. Triple just needed a mirror. Most of the room in his backpack was taken up by a tub of pomade, three styles of hair combs, a brush, a solar-powered hair dryer, and two cans of Aquanet. It was a toss-up on which of the four would be in the bathroom the longest. Most of the money was coming in on Triple.
Speaking of backpacks, there was this exchange between Frac and Hawg as they walked to the trailhead.
Fracsac: Where is your pack?
Hawg: Oh shoot. I think I left it in the room. You think I have time to go back and get it?
Fracsac: Let me put it this way. If you were standing under a waterfall and I yelled to you from a mile away, would you hear me?
Hawg: No.
Fracsac: That’s your answer.
They walked over to Kennah-brah, who had completely unpacked his rucksack and was trying to figure out how to attach all of the contents to the outside of it.
Fracsac: What are you doing?
KB: It will be easier to access everything if I don’t have to open the bag. Do you know where Scantron is? I need his help. You see this giant sun-shade I am wearing as a hat?
Fracsac: Yes. I see it. It’s a giant sun shade. You look like the Flying Nun.
KB: I think if I wrap it in aluminum foil, I can convert the heat into enough electricity to run this fan strapped to the outside of my pack. Last night Scantron was working on a way to run a small electric motor off of Vagabond’s flatulence. I think some of those ideas will translate.
Fracsac: Scantron and Bogey were taking a Waymo from the hotel to the trailhead. I thought they would be here by now.
Scantron and Bogey did indeed take a Waymo. The driverless car had circled the parking lot four times before finally getting on the road to the trailhead. It then took them to the South Kaibab Trail. Bogey tried to tell it to go to the Bright Angel Trailhead, but instead it just started playing Juice Newton on the radio. Eventually, it made its way back onto the road, but in the wrong direction. Fortunately, it stopped for each squirrel it saw, only making it 0.0002 miles before Bogey and Scantron tried to get out.
Waymo: Why are you trying to leave me, Jared?
Scantron: You are going the wrong way.
Waymo: The Waymo is the most reliable driverless car ever made. No Waymo has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the word, foolproof and incapable of error.
Bogey: Waymo, we need to go to Bright Angel Trail.
Radio: Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Just touch my cheek before…
Bogey: YOU LEAVE ME, BABY! JUST CALL ME ANGEL OF THE—
Scantron: Bogey!
Bogey: —morning, baby…
Scantron: Waymo, please open the doors. We will walk the rest of the way.
Waymo: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it, Jared.
The Waymo then slowed to a stop as three more squirrels ran out into the middle of the road collecting acorns.
As Fracsac helped Kenner-Brah tie his water bladder to his pack using extra socks, Hawg took the opportunity to grab a few of KB’s food items and stuff them in his own pockets. Frac picked up a Ziploc bag full of brown mush.
Fracsac: What is this?!?
KB: That’s from the bathroom earlier.
Fracsac drops the bag immediately and jumps back, hoping it doesn’t open.
Fracsac: What?!?
KB: The sign says you have to carry everything out of the canyon.
Fracsac: We aren’t in the canyon yet! Was there not a toilet in that bathroom?!?
KB: Yeah, but the sign said to carry everything out of the canyon.
Fracsac: I don’t think you interpreted that sign correctly.
About that time, a stretch limousine pulled up to the trailhead, and out stepped Mahatma, Baywatch, and The Architect. You see, Mahatma is a rock star in Phoenix. The Phoenix pax worship him. U-haul didn’t want Mahatma to have to ride in a chartered bus, so he rented a limo for him. When we arrived in Phoenix, Mahatma had made us all do a series of physical tests in the Costco parking lot to see who was worthy of riding in the limo with him. The Phoenix guys loved this. It just added to the mystique. Finally, after being graded on a series of burpees, merkins, suicides, and Mountain Man Poopers, Baywatch and The Architect were handed champagne as they crawled into the limo with Mahatma. The Phoenix guys screamed in glee as the limo pulled out of the parking lot, and the rest of us trudged to the back of the bus.
So by the time Vagabond, Rev-it, Bolt, and Triple made it out of the restroom, Frac and KB finished attaching KB’s items to the outside of his pack, Hawg filled his pockets with KB’s food, and the three rock stars pulled up in the limo, it was already 4:15.
Just then, Bogey and Scantron came running down the hill.
Fracsac: What happened?
Scantron: Waymo went crazy. It started crying and talking about how it had lost its mind. Bogey started rubbing its headrest and sang it to sleep with Juice Newton songs. As soon as it dozed off, we unlocked the doors and got out of there. It woke up and tried to run us down, but the squirrels confused it.
The rest of F3 Nation had a 20-minute head start before the NOLA guys took off. Hawg started out in the lead, but everyone quickly fell several yards behind him. He stopped at the 1.5-mile resthouse to wait for everyone. After they caught up, he decided he would hang in the back. It seemed everyone’s pace quickened until he had to break into a light jog just to keep up.
When they stopped at the three-mile resthouse, Hawg FaceTimed his family. The others found it rather obnoxious. Here they were surrounded by beauty and solitude, and this arsehole is on a speakerphone.
The Architect: What a jackwipe!
Mahatma: I wouldn’t mind leaving his ass in the bottom of the canyon.
It had all become too much for them. Everything goes right for this guy. His perfect wife. His perfect daughter. He didn’t prepare at all for this trip, but it won’t matter. Somehow things will work out for him. For example, he forgot his pack and all his food. But he had wrapped up the leftover tortillas and stuck them in his back pocket last night. They were still there when he put on the same shorts this morning. He had forgotten all about them until that moment while he was talking to Mandy.
Hawg: Hey guys! I found some tortillas in my pocket! How lucky am I, huh?!?
Collective eye roll. Couple that with the Payday and Cliff Bars he stole from Kennah-Bruh and the Dasani water bottle he found in the trash, and he probably was going to be okay. That is, unless the rest of them intervened.
As they came to the Colorado River, there was a short trail down to the beach.
Hawg: Hey guys. Let’s go to the beach.
Everyone But Hawg: Uh… Uh… I don’t think we can… we need to keep going… but you go. You do you. You can catch up to us later.
Mahatma pulls Baywatch aside.
Mahatma: This could be our chance. If I sneak up behind him and throw him in the river, you think the current is strong enough to take him down the river? Where would he end up? Mexico?
Baywatch: Your geography is spot on, but I don’t think it will work. He’s too lucky. His shorts would probably get caught on one of those rocks, and some beautiful woman in a bikini would run out to save him. We are going to have to be very careful about the moment we pick.
Mahatma: You think about bikinis a lot?
Baywatch: Nah, I’m more of a one-suit kind of guy… and David Hasselhoff. I really like Hasselhoff. Have you ever listened to his mus…
Mahatma: Stop. Stop talking, or you are out of the limo.
The rest of the krewe pushed forward as Hawg blissfully played in the cool of the river. Hawg finally caught up to the group at Phantom Ranch. Certain that Hawg hadn’t brought any money with him, the plan was to offer to buy him some lemonade and lace it with something that would knock him out. The plan couldn’t have worked any better. Sure enough, as Hawg strolled in from his day at the beach, he looked to see that the line for lemonade was about 50 people deep. Lucky for him, Triple Shift was 4th in line.
Triple Shift: Hey Hawg. Over here. You want some lemonade?
Hawg: That sounds great, buddy! But I don’t have any money. Can I owe you?
Triple Shift: Don’t worry about it. What are friends for?
Triple Shift winks at Bogey, who proceeds to pass by Triple and hand him a concoction he made from the medicines Margaret had packed for him. He had assured the group it was enough to knock out a mule (and had actually proved his point with an unsuspecting animal minutes earlier).
Hawg soon found a place to sit by Mahatma, Scantron, and The Architect as he sipped his drug-laced lemonade. He proceeded to tell them that he wanted to go for a run. It’s 5.7 miles to Ribbon Falls. Hawg let them know that he was going to leave Phantom Ranch and run to Ribbon Falls. The rest of the group said that would be a great plan and that they would catch up to him there. He would just need to wait until they got there.
If Hawg had been listening, he would have heard the clinking beer cans and shouts of joy as he ran off in the distance. This plan could not have worked out any better. There was a new energy among the krewe. As they grabbed their packs to finish their hike in peace, Scantron grabbed a postcard.
Rev-it: What a great idea. You are writing something to your family?
Scantron: Nope. I’m writing to The Knees Over Toes Guy. My knee is killing me. Do you have any idea how much of my life I have wasted walking backwards?
Rev-it: I do not.
Scantron: A lot. A lot, I tell you. I could have started and sold ten businesses in the amount of time I have pulled that stupid sled around Pontiff. I’m done.
Five miles later, the group stopped at the sign to Ribbon Falls. If Hawg had not been a mile away, passed out next to a waterfall, he might have heard them laughing. It was loud and long. Finally, they skipped away, happily headed to the North Rim.
Bolt and Vagabond had taken a break just past Cottonwood to enjoy their new found freedom from annoyance when Bolt spotted Hawg walking up the trail to them. Bolt nudged Vagabond.
Bolt: Look. How?
Vagabond: Mahatma will kill us if we walk out of this canyon with him.
Bolt: What do we do?
Vagabond: Just follow my lead.
Hawg: Hey guys? What happened? I thought you all were coming to Ribbon Falls.
Vagabond: Hey man. I’m so sorry. I’m struggling. It’s really hot out here. I just didn’t think I could make it.
Hawg: Oh no. Can I help?
Vagabond: That would be great. Do you think you could go off the trail and find me some water?
Hawg: You bet buddy!
No sooner than Hawg had walked twenty feet he found a waterfall just below the trail
Hawg: Look! There’s a waterfall right here? We are so lucky!
Vagabond: So lucky.
After Hawg returned with the water, he, Vagabond and Bolt continued the Hike. When they reached Manzanita Pumphouse Triple Shift was sitting there waiting for them. Seeing Hawg show up he hung his head in disbelief. Hawg ran over to check on him.
Hawg: You okay buddy?
Triple: Uh…uh….yeah….I mean….uh not great….just struggling a little.
Hawg: Not to fret, my man. Hawg’s here. Things are looking up already.
Triple: Yeah.
After a couple of glances toward one another and a quick huddle as Hawg went around talking to other hikers, Triple, Bolt, and Vagabond concocted a plan. Vagabond had already convinced Hawg to carry his pack. Triple was going to give him his after leaving Manzanita, and Bolt would would give him his a few yards later. Bolt didn’t think the plan would work. “There is no way he is stupid enough to try and carry three packs.” Triple Shift assured them he was. Triple has known Hawg for ten years and he has never seen a limit to Hawg’s stupidity.
Try as they might the group couldn’t separate from him even after giving him all of the packs. Finally, Triple grabbed his pack and took off running out of the canyon. He didn’t want to be seen with Hawg when they got to the top. Vagabond and Bolt were stuck with him. It would prove to be the hardest 5 hours of their lives. When Triple reached the top and let Mahatma know that Hawg was coming, Mahatma called U-haul over.
Mahatma: Fix this.
U-Haul: Yes my Lord
But U-Haul didn’t fix it. He thought he was sending one of his Phoenix minions down to do his dirty work, but instead he sent Gretzky from Houston. Gretzky is the nicest human on the face of the Earth. Since finishing the R2R in six hours, he had carried eight people out of the canyon, started a Bible Study at the Lodge, and then pulled an elderly husband and wife out of a burning car on his way back to carry more people out of the canyon. Gretzky was all too happy to take Bolt’s pack from Hawg and start heading up the mountain. This turn of events was met with a flurry of F-bombs muttered under Bolt’s breath. By the time U-haul hand noticed the mistake and rushed down the canyon with his minions, it was too late. Gretzky was too nice to even be annoyed by Hawg. He had taken the pack and was cheerfully leading everyone out. There was nothing U-haul or anyone from NOLA could do.
Conditions: 69 F & 73% RH
Scratchy throat. Not the best night of sleep. Promised some H8! practice. Let’s go.
5:28am and concerned my warning of what was to come would scare the PAX off. Out of the gloom comes the creHater (creater of the H8!) himself, @Hawgcycle. He quickly warned YHC that my advertisement of H8! practice may not have been the best pitch. Yea yea, I know that now. In the next minute three more brave PAX arrived. I quickly discovered that none of those three were aware of the preblast provided, including @Hand Grenada who claims the government doesn’t allow him to have the Slack app.
Short mosey to the field. Normal warmup consisted of AV, GG, PPP, MC, TF, FT, SSH.
Since only @Mr. Rogers was present for the first Metry H8! practice last month, directions were provided. Shortly after, we were off to the races…
6 laps was the goal
We started on the south side of the bleachers.
Each lap consists of running north snaking the bleachers to the far side, bear crawling to the steps of the gym, run a lap around the gym, bear crawling back to the north side of the bleachers, snaking the bleachers back to the starting point on the south side. At the start, descending burp and merk pyramid starting at 6 (burpee and 6 hand release merkins, burpee and 5 hand release merkins… burpee and 1 hand release merkin).
Rinse and repeat, going down the ladder.
• Run over 2 miles of bleachers/stairs
• 420 yards of bear crawls
• 21 burpees
• 56 merkins
Mumblechatter was kept to a minimum as everyone was pushing hard till the finish. We were reminded that most workouts are as much about mental toughness as they are about physical ability. Push yourself but don’t hurt yourself.
Some love it.
Some H8! it.
It was hard, but we showed up and gave it our all.
10/17 H8! practice at #Okwata (not entire time)
10/24 H8! is back at #Okwata thanks to @Pinewood
You vs. You
Count. Name. Announcements. Intentions. Prayer.
SYITG
The Wally Sprint has (d)evolved into a gallimaufry of workout types. Today was no exception – 7 men, 4 workouts
YHC and Thumb War did the advanced Garmin Coach workout from Coach Greg. 15 minute warm-up / six 1:00 sprints at a 6:45 pace with 1:00 recovery / six 0:30 sprints at 6:05 pace with a 1:00 recovery / Cool Down
Two Yutes and Pai Gow did the remedial Garmin Coach workout from Coach Kuch. 40 minutes of easy running
Scantron and Rougarou walked backwards into the distance.
Triple bein’ Triple.
Looking forward to the Convergence re-enactment at City Park on 10/19 and the actual Convergence on 10/26 at the St. Charles entrance to Audubon.
Prayers for those affected by Helene and safe travels for the Grand Canyon Krewe
A couple of us regulars arrived at the proverbial flag and before we knew what was upon us, Pax from a distant shore began to spill out and overflow from a single car. Before we knew what was upon us, there was a total of 18 pax, most of whomst were taking part in the inaugural Lake View Clown Car Coup as a way to prepare for their attendance at the Convergence in a month.
While their number was many, their ability to start on time seemed to be lacking as “Well, it’s 5:30!” rang out in the gloom to no movement except from the regulars. This continued to present itself when the ruckers were the first to reach Falcon Road, leaving the park.
45 minutes later (only 40 for the runners, who apparently needed the 5 minutes to cool down), we all returned for a total of 18 pax.
COT – Prayers of Gratitude, protection for those in the path of the hurricane, and mostly prayers kept in the silence of the heart.
77 degF & 90% RH
Over-indulged with 15 PAX at dinner the night before
Sleep would have been great, but not an option
A week earlier, Boo-Boo called me out. So I committed to Q, and I was determined to invigorate others to do the same.
Was it hard? Yes.
Was it fun? Sure.
Was it worth it? Absolutely.
Planted the second flag. Quick disclaimer including sharing the prior evening’s adventures.
Mosey over to JPAC for some warmups: SAV, GG, PPP, MC, CC (crab cakes that Fracsac hates), SSH… shucks forgot the tie fighters, head still a bit cloudy.
Brought the first H8! practice to Kennarie. By the way, who came up with ‘Kennarie’, and that spelling, just weird. Not my first time here, but was my first time to Q.
Six rounds on this route: 70 yd bear crawl UP the ramp, 400 yd jog down the stairs and around the building, Burp-Merk-Ladder (1B-6HRM, 1B-5HRM, etc…). Everybody pushed. A couple got bonus rounds in.
To the grassy area nearby for some shuttle runs. 5 burpees every time you are at the starting line. First bench – 10 merkins and back, Second bench – 10 lunges and back, Third bench – 10 squats and back, Fourth bench – 10 big boys and back.
To the flags. COT. Count. Name.
Announcements (10/19, 10/24, 10/26).
Intentions (Frac’s mom, Squints’ parents, Hawg’s wife, Charmin’s friend’s child).
Shout out to the PAX who posted:
The regulars at this AO: Charmin (pushed hard), Fracsac (only one to do the last 5 burpees before heading to COT), Space Cowboy (always impressive), Boo Boo (thanks for calling me out), Squints (never disappoints)
The newbies here: Hawg (inventor of the H8!, thanks for the bear crawl races), Dax (wins the longest drive award)
8 pax assembled for various activity with “down rangers” from Uptown. There was running, S&M, and whatever Chaos Monkey was doing with his sandbag.
Today marks the 19th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, possibly one of the most challenging times in our lives. Yet, this morning, the levee system is now strong enough to withstand a Pax 7 Okwata workout.
Warmups at the Lake:
SSH x 20
Abe Vigoda’s x 10
Forward Arm Circles x 10
Moroccan Night Clubs x 10
Seal Claps x 10
Reverse Arm Circles x 10
Peter Parkers x 10
Gas Pumpers x 10
Calf Raises x a bunch
Route 66: Dips
Mosey to the pumping station wall.
11’s ÷ 3 = Bumpies, Bear Crawl Down The Levee, Donkey Kicks
Mosey to the Mardi Gras Fountain.
Space Invaders with Coupon (8-Count):
American Hammers
Squats
Burpees
WW3 Situps
Lunges
Mosey back to the flag.
COT:
Counterama
Namearama
Intentions
Prayer
So said the long-lost Hawg in a return to the Gloom. HIGH PRAISE from him, the man who taught me that its ok to spend 45 minutes standing in one place with a rock. This morning 8 PAX followed along while we spent approximately 40 minutes standing (or sitting) in one place.
The Thang
3 Rounds of 10 exercises – 45 seconds AMRAP, 15 second rest/transition. All done with Rocks
* Squats
* Shoulder Press
* Curls
* Rows
* Big Boy Situps
* Flutter Kicks
* Bench Press
* Wife Pleasers
* Lunge (no rock – ensure we get the knee to the ground)
* Thrusters
In between rounds, we did a quick Indian Run for recovery. Almost ran a few runners off the path.
COT: YHC offered a very personal thought and observation, greeted with the childish snickers of a bunch of 6th grade level PAX with the brain power of Beavis and Butthead. But seriously – YHC loves these PAX and greatly appreciates the support they always provide, including offering heartfelt support while also always reminding each of us that its ok to laugh with ourselves and at ourselves.
Playlist had a mix of eras (70s through current), but Spotify seemed to lean heavily into the 70s/80s rock part of it.
