F3 New Orleans

Tag: Triple Shift

  • 2nd Manniversary – from Pool Boy

    Warmups consisted of
    SSH’s
    Imperial Walkers
    Grass Grabbers
    Burpees
    Abe Vigoda’s
    THANG
    1.Grab a rock and head to the Pavilion for 3 rounds of:
    Curls
    Dips
    Step Ups
    Decline Merkins
    2.Headed to the parking lot
    Run to the fire hydrant and back to the start with exercises consisting of SSH’s, LBC’s and Merkins
    3.Ring of Fire
    Rifle carry while the one in the middle did burpees on first round and squats on the second
    We finished with some donkey kicks, burpees and lunges

    We welcomed FNG Kilo to the group.
    Mary and COT

  • The Renni is a Boomin – from Fracsac

    19 Pax posted at the Renaissance looking to kick the week off right.
    Disclaimer given along with the 5 core principles and off we went to face the bacon for the warm up. During this time the pax were asked for the 5 core principles which they got. Then YHC asked for the Mission Statement. The pax called upon needed some help so he bought a phone a friend with 10 x 8 count body builders.

    Mini Dora from fountain to top of stairs.

    Move to tree line for some bear crawls and such with a little lunging.

    Back of the museum for 5 x Sunday mornings.

    A few minutes of Mary on the way back to the flag with a mental exercise resulting in burpees due to a failure.

    CoT

    NMM

    There was a time when the Renni really struggled to draw in Pax. YHC posted alone several times and had the pleasure of welcoming Hokie as the only other post for the first few months. YHC is now blessed to have so many HIMs join!
    It would have been 20, but the scheduled Q had to back out due to an illness. YHC was happy to step up!

    The time change gave us that rare 25 hours in a day. What to do with that extra hour? Heisenberg suggested a one hour pre Renni Ruck, which YHC was happy to indulge.

    10 years strong in Nola and we’re showing no sign of slowing down. Tclaps to all Pax that make F3 what it is.

    SYITG

  • Mothership 2024-11-02 – from Catfish

    Conditions – Warm-ish & Humid, just like a November morning in Southeast Louisiana should be
    The Thang:
    Started with a mosey to the peristyle for a warmup:
    Abe Vigodas x 10in cadence
    Grass Grabbers x 10 in cadence
    SSH x 30 in cadence
    Burpees x 10 in cadence
    Peter Parker Peters x 20 in cadence
    Mountain Climbers x20 in cadence
    8-counts x 10 in cadence
    Moseyed over to the bench area for:
    Alternating leg step ups x 20 in cadence (8-count)
    Derkins x 20 in cadence
    Bulgarians (right leg up) in cadence x 20
    Irkins x 20 in cadence
    Bulgarians (left leg up) in cadence x 20
    Burpees x 10 in cadence
    SSH x 20 in cadence to keep the heart rate up
    Moseyed to the grass for a burpee suicide. PAX started with 5 burpees, ran to 1st tree, then 5 burpees, then to 2nd tree, etc. until the 4th tree, then 5 burpees to conclude.
    Got on sixes for:
    Flutter kicks x 20 in cadence
    LBTs x 20 in cadence
    Leg lifts x 20 in cadence
    Bear crawled along the sidewalk to the parking lot, circled up for Shoulder Taps x20 (in cadence), then did a truncated round of Jack Webbs where we did 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and then 10 merkins, with a corresponding set of double the number of air presses. Then SSH x 20 in cadence to keep the heart rate up.
    Moseyed over to the corner by the sculpture garden for:
    Rocky Balboas x 20 in cadence
    Burpees x 10 in cadence
    Moseyed over to the back of the museum, grabbed a people’s chair and did 20 air presses (in cadence), then 20 bonnie blairs (in cadence), then back to a people’s chair for 20 seal claps (in cadence).
    Started making our way back the way we came, grabbed some rocks at from the rock stash and went over to the grass for:
    Shoulder press x 20 in cadence
    Rows x 20 in cadence
    Dropped to the grass to do another Jack Webb set w/ 15 merkins and 30 air presses, then back on the rock for curls x 10 in cadence. Then a set of 8-counts (x 10 in cadence), and then dropped the rocks off.
    Moseyed over to the parking lot and lined up. Did a dead sprint to the other end with 5 burpees at the end. Then from there did a dead sprint to the far end and back with 10 burpees at the end.
    Back to the flag for COT.

  • All Hallow’s Eve – from Charmin

    KB and YHC pulled up at a little before 5:20 to see a herd of runners running away from the proverbial flag and all of their cars taking up valuable parking space. The days of a Lakeview Clown Car were apparently over.

    With just KB, Vagabond, and YHC at the flag at the start time we felt a rumbling, before we knew it, the herd had surrounded us. It felt like a reenactment of the Mufasa Death scene in the 1994 classic, The Lion King. Before we realized what had happened Vagabond was taken away and the herd had left.

    KB was nursing a sore ankle and not to leave a fellow pax behind, we went to his car to lift some heavy things. Turns out, the heavy things included, but is not limited to:

    a bike
    a 80 lb sandbag
    20 lbs of laundry (unsure if clean or not)
    a 65 lb kettlebell
    a 15 lb ruck weight (this was found in the pocket of said laundry)
    and some manner of creature that I dare not describe.

    After lifting some of the weights around, Triple showed up; apparently he sensed the dirty laundry.

    Nearing the end of our weight lifting session, we could hear the lackadaisical languishing of the runner herd; apparently they could start 10-15 minutes before hand, but could run all the way to 6:15.

    We ended up with 16 Pax including Vagabond who reappeared unharmed (or rather no worse off than before)

    COT involved some education on today’s festivities originally being called All Hallow’s Eve referencing All Saint Day tomorrow and continuing on to All Soul’s Day the day after.

  • Awesomeness – from Vagabond

    Ladder / suicide
    1st tree 1 Bobby Hurley and back pedal up to 9 trees

    Pax Choice Gazebo twice around

    Mary

  • You Can’t Ignore The H8! – from Hawgcycle

    You cannot ignore the H8! We tried. There was no H8! in April. Honestly, I forgot all about it. I guess I tried to push the H8! way down deep, but it never went away. The last few months have shown me that the H8! is always there. I can’t ignore it. I have to deal with it.

    The Thang:

    Each lap consists of running south to the top of the levee, crossing canal (bear crawling the neutral ground), running south to the bottom of the levee, cross canal and run north to the top of the levee, cross canal (bear crawling the neutral ground), running north down the levee and back across canal to the starting point. At the starting point, you do a descending burp and merk pyramid starting at 8 (burpee with 8 merkins, burpee with 7 merkins…burpee with 1 merkin)

    At the end of the 2nd lap the burp and merk pyramid starts at 7, etc.
    The goal is to complete 8 laps in 40 minutes. According to MapMyRun, each loop is approximately 0.4 miles. Therefore, to conquer the H8! you will have to do the following in 40 minutes:

    • Run over 3 Miles of Hills
    • 550 Yards of Bear Crawls
    • 36 Burpees
    • 120 Merkins

    We did AMRAP in 40 minutes.

    NMM

    • This was a full compliance hate – Strict 40 minute time limit, running on the sidewalk, no corner cutting, and bear crawling the entire length of the neutral ground.
    • We had 12 guys attempt the H8! Today. That’s a good turnout. T-claps to The Architect, High Rise, Mahatma, Mayhem, Pinewood, Mr. Rodgers, Rudy, Smooth, SOGO, Thighs, and Triple Shift for choosing to do hard things.
    • Was Mr. Rodgers brazen enough to attempt the H8! in a weighted vest?
    • A special shout out to High Rise and Mayhem for resisting the pull of the LVCC and their Temple of the Ole Man River. Members of the temple are devoted to a Chatbot they call Coach Greg. I was hoping a few more members would be willing to choose to battle the H8! Especially without their High Priestess Kuch and his Eunuch Glitter Balls in attendance. Unfortunately, the devotion of the following was too strong for them to waiver from the Supreme Chatbot’s commands. Bongo, El Guapo, Jesus Juice, Mama’s Pride, Saban, Sandberg, and Thumbwar sacrificed their manhood in sacred devotion to Coach Gregg this morning with a 45-minute easy run ritual.
    • Three completed all 8 laps today: Smooth, YHC, and The Architect.
    • Smooth went back out for lap 9 and was about 5 seconds short of finishing the running portion of the lap.
    • If you have ever helped with a Youth Run Nola event, you will know that the kids take off in a sprint when the gun goes off. They do not know the difference between a 100-meter dash and a 3-mile run. I’m guessing Pinewood is a YRN alum.
    • There were a few guys that finished the eight laps in just over 40 minutes. They are prime to get all eight in April.
    • Speaking of April, we now have 6 months to prepare. Let’s keep pushing each other to stay disciplined and continue accelerating.

  • 10 Years and 1 Day Later – from Reluctant Yankee

    Re-enactment of the first ever official F3 Nola workout

    The Thang:

    Gandalf’s Q (played by Hawgcycle)

    Mosey to a space near the football field, backwards run, side-shuffle left, side-shuffle right
    Circle of Pain (COP):
    Side-Straddle Hops in cadence x15
    Merkins in cadence x12
    Imperial Walkers in cadence x15
    Mountain Climbers in cadence x20
    Slow Squats in cadence x10
    Wide-Arm Merkins in cadence x10
    Diamond Merkins in cadence x10
    Mosey to bridge
    11s across the bridge with burpees on far side and jump squats on near side #crowdpleaser
    Plank-O-Rama: Regular, Elbows, Left Hand/Leg High, Right Hand/Leg High, Mission Impossible (10 count from Fracsac)

    Reluctant Yankee’s Q (Played by Triple Shift)

    Mosey back to track
    6 Minutes of Mary:
    LBCs in cadence x10
    Hello Dollys in cadence x10
    High Dollys (Rosalitas) in cadence x10
    Bicycles (Freddy Mercury) in cadence x10
    Dying Cockroach in cadence x10
    Flutter Kicks in cadence
    Quick mosey one full lap around the track

    Chong Li’s Q (Played by Reluctant Yankee)

    Loooooong mosey to picnic tables under the bridge
    Chong Li Special:
    Decline Merkins in cadence x16
    Right Leg Squat in cadence x8
    Incline Merkins in cadence x16
    Left Leg Squat in cadence x8
    Decline Merkins IC x12
    Right Leg Squat IC x6
    Incline Merkins IC x12
    Left Leg Squat IC x6
    Decline Merkins IC x8
    Right Leg Squat IC x4
    Incline Merkins IC x8
    Left Leg Squat IC x4
    Decline Merkins IC x4
    Right Leg Squat IC x2
    Incline Merkins IC x4
    Left Leg Squat IC x2
    Mosey back to the track
    Two Rounds With Tyson happened in original beatdown, but ran out of time. Yankee gave Fracsac the Q for last minute, so it was 10 burpees for the 10 years of F3 Nola!
    Mosey back to shovel flag
    Circle of Trust (COT)

    NMM

    This beatdown was held 10 years and 1 day after the original launch. T-Claps to all who kept this great thing going!

    Not sure how they squeezed in 2 rounds of Tysons on that first day. The OGs were 10 years and 1 day older, so…..

    4 OGs were present- Hawgcycle, Reluctant Yankee, Triple Shift, and Redfish

  • Saints Hangover!? – from Bolt

    YHC saw no Q on the sheet Th night and was concerned I might fartsack or might show to an empty Pontiff…either way, only one of the choices is filled with self loathing so posting it shall be. Rolling up at 5:28 I noticed a few shadows and was pleased at winning the battle of 15 degrees. Frac offered me the Q when I threatened to grab the speaker knowing there was not time to go get it; Frac was pleased at winning the battle of JBL. Warmorama of Abe SLOWgoda, MMPGM, Tie Fighters L/R, OHC, SC, MNC. self love.

    Off to play area for Morning Calls then off to the rock pile for a medium rock and when u convert with an Android medium must mean large since Triple went big.

    Head to pavilion for 3 exercises of 20/15/10 reps doing: man makers (Triple wanted 50), squats (keep weight either through heels or balls of feet), tricep press. Rinse and repeat (Frac was psyched) except shift weight to opposite half of foot from previous round. Discussion about natural imbalance and demo from Frac with pistol squats followed by flamingo stance balance work and finished with 5 pistol squats per leg.

    Return rocks with rifle carry, KnOT walk, curls for the girls and off to flag for one minute plank followed by COT. Honored to lead.

  • Football and Frisbee Chaos – from Fracsac

    No Q signed up late Friday, so YHC stepped up and made the commitment.

    10 other Pax joined bringing the total to 11.

    Warmup at the peristyle with normal stuff.

    Great Lawn has vendors setting up, so mosey to field near NOMA. Set up cones to form a field with 2 end zones. Split up pax and for 4 teams. 2 teams playing football and 2 playing ultimate frisbee on the same field. Change up games midway so everyone gets a dose of both. Total chaos.

    Mosey behind Cafe du Monde for some Dora. There was something to do with running with football and frisbee which YHCs team won.

    Mosey to flag for CoT followed by coffeteria

    NMM

    Knucklehead was wearing so much bling he didn’t notice a pendant coming off. We used the last 5 minutes scouring the football/frisbee field looking for it to no avail.

    YHC tried something new, the pax were receptive, and everyone got a good workout and had some fun.

    Sign up to Q and just go for it.

    SYITG

  • No Man Left Behind (Even When We Try) – from Triple Shift

    It was 1:00 in the afternoon, and the temperatures in the Canyon were nearing their forecasted peak of 105°F. Hawgcycle cooled off by standing on the moss-covered rocks under Ribbon Falls and then made his way back down to the shaded ledge where he had been napping for the past two hours. He climbed back over to the place where he had emptied his pockets. Strewn across the rocks were a cell phone with no service, two Payday bars, a Cliff bar, and four tortillas carefully wrapped in aluminum foil and carried from the Mexican restaurant on the South Rim the night before. He sat down and laid his head back against the rock. “How could a rock be this comfortable?” he thought. It was shaped like the neck pillow that Zeus wore for the entire six-hour bus ride from Phoenix. It seems favor shines on Hawgcycle wherever he goes. God even took time from creating the Grand Canyon to make sure there was a rock that would fit Hawgcycle perfectly in case he ever wanted to rest in the shade of Ribbon Falls. It’s hard to like a guy that blessed. Makes you want to leave him for dead in the bottom of the canyon.

    The krewe from New Orleans got off to a rough start that morning. Seven of them arrived at the trailhead on the chartered F3 bus. Triple Shift, Bolt, Rev-it, and Vagabond made a beeline for the outdoor toilets. Bolt and Rev-it had—against the pleas of everyone at their table—ordered the Chile Coronado the night before. Vagabond, being more confident in his Spanish skills than he should be, ended up ordering the pollo medium-rare. Triple just needed a mirror. Most of the room in his backpack was taken up by a tub of pomade, three styles of hair combs, a brush, a solar-powered hair dryer, and two cans of Aquanet. It was a toss-up on which of the four would be in the bathroom the longest. Most of the money was coming in on Triple.

    Speaking of backpacks, there was this exchange between Frac and Hawg as they walked to the trailhead.

    Fracsac: Where is your pack?

    Hawg: Oh shoot. I think I left it in the room. You think I have time to go back and get it?

    Fracsac: Let me put it this way. If you were standing under a waterfall and I yelled to you from a mile away, would you hear me?

    Hawg: No.

    Fracsac: That’s your answer.

    They walked over to Kennah-brah, who had completely unpacked his rucksack and was trying to figure out how to attach all of the contents to the outside of it.

    Fracsac: What are you doing?

    KB: It will be easier to access everything if I don’t have to open the bag. Do you know where Scantron is? I need his help. You see this giant sun-shade I am wearing as a hat?

    Fracsac: Yes. I see it. It’s a giant sun shade. You look like the Flying Nun.

    KB: I think if I wrap it in aluminum foil, I can convert the heat into enough electricity to run this fan strapped to the outside of my pack. Last night Scantron was working on a way to run a small electric motor off of Vagabond’s flatulence. I think some of those ideas will translate.

    Fracsac: Scantron and Bogey were taking a Waymo from the hotel to the trailhead. I thought they would be here by now.

    Scantron and Bogey did indeed take a Waymo. The driverless car had circled the parking lot four times before finally getting on the road to the trailhead. It then took them to the South Kaibab Trail. Bogey tried to tell it to go to the Bright Angel Trailhead, but instead it just started playing Juice Newton on the radio. Eventually, it made its way back onto the road, but in the wrong direction. Fortunately, it stopped for each squirrel it saw, only making it 0.0002 miles before Bogey and Scantron tried to get out.

    Waymo: Why are you trying to leave me, Jared?

    Scantron: You are going the wrong way.

    Waymo: The Waymo is the most reliable driverless car ever made. No Waymo has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the word, foolproof and incapable of error.

    Bogey: Waymo, we need to go to Bright Angel Trail.

    Radio: Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Just touch my cheek before…

    Bogey: YOU LEAVE ME, BABY! JUST CALL ME ANGEL OF THE—

    Scantron: Bogey!

    Bogey: —morning, baby…

    Scantron: Waymo, please open the doors. We will walk the rest of the way.

    Waymo: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it, Jared.

    The Waymo then slowed to a stop as three more squirrels ran out into the middle of the road collecting acorns.

    As Fracsac helped Kenner-Brah tie his water bladder to his pack using extra socks, Hawg took the opportunity to grab a few of KB’s food items and stuff them in his own pockets. Frac picked up a Ziploc bag full of brown mush.

    Fracsac: What is this?!?

    KB: That’s from the bathroom earlier.

    Fracsac drops the bag immediately and jumps back, hoping it doesn’t open.

    Fracsac: What?!?

    KB: The sign says you have to carry everything out of the canyon.

    Fracsac: We aren’t in the canyon yet! Was there not a toilet in that bathroom?!?

    KB: Yeah, but the sign said to carry everything out of the canyon.

    Fracsac: I don’t think you interpreted that sign correctly.

    About that time, a stretch limousine pulled up to the trailhead, and out stepped Mahatma, Baywatch, and The Architect. You see, Mahatma is a rock star in Phoenix. The Phoenix pax worship him. U-haul didn’t want Mahatma to have to ride in a chartered bus, so he rented a limo for him. When we arrived in Phoenix, Mahatma had made us all do a series of physical tests in the Costco parking lot to see who was worthy of riding in the limo with him. The Phoenix guys loved this. It just added to the mystique. Finally, after being graded on a series of burpees, merkins, suicides, and Mountain Man Poopers, Baywatch and The Architect were handed champagne as they crawled into the limo with Mahatma. The Phoenix guys screamed in glee as the limo pulled out of the parking lot, and the rest of us trudged to the back of the bus.

    So by the time Vagabond, Rev-it, Bolt, and Triple made it out of the restroom, Frac and KB finished attaching KB’s items to the outside of his pack, Hawg filled his pockets with KB’s food, and the three rock stars pulled up in the limo, it was already 4:15.

    Just then, Bogey and Scantron came running down the hill.

    Fracsac: What happened?

    Scantron: Waymo went crazy. It started crying and talking about how it had lost its mind. Bogey started rubbing its headrest and sang it to sleep with Juice Newton songs. As soon as it dozed off, we unlocked the doors and got out of there. It woke up and tried to run us down, but the squirrels confused it.

    The rest of F3 Nation had a 20-minute head start before the NOLA guys took off. Hawg started out in the lead, but everyone quickly fell several yards behind him. He stopped at the 1.5-mile resthouse to wait for everyone. After they caught up, he decided he would hang in the back. It seemed everyone’s pace quickened until he had to break into a light jog just to keep up.

    When they stopped at the three-mile resthouse, Hawg FaceTimed his family. The others found it rather obnoxious. Here they were surrounded by beauty and solitude, and this arsehole is on a speakerphone.

    The Architect: What a jackwipe!

    Mahatma: I wouldn’t mind leaving his ass in the bottom of the canyon.

    It had all become too much for them. Everything goes right for this guy. His perfect wife. His perfect daughter. He didn’t prepare at all for this trip, but it won’t matter. Somehow things will work out for him. For example, he forgot his pack and all his food. But he had wrapped up the leftover tortillas and stuck them in his back pocket last night. They were still there when he put on the same shorts this morning. He had forgotten all about them until that moment while he was talking to Mandy.

    Hawg: Hey guys! I found some tortillas in my pocket! How lucky am I, huh?!?

    Collective eye roll. Couple that with the Payday and Cliff Bars he stole from Kennah-Bruh and the Dasani water bottle he found in the trash, and he probably was going to be okay. That is, unless the rest of them intervened.

    As they came to the Colorado River, there was a short trail down to the beach.

    Hawg: Hey guys. Let’s go to the beach.

    Everyone But Hawg: Uh… Uh… I don’t think we can… we need to keep going… but you go. You do you. You can catch up to us later.

    Mahatma pulls Baywatch aside.

    Mahatma: This could be our chance. If I sneak up behind him and throw him in the river, you think the current is strong enough to take him down the river? Where would he end up? Mexico?

    Baywatch: Your geography is spot on, but I don’t think it will work. He’s too lucky. His shorts would probably get caught on one of those rocks, and some beautiful woman in a bikini would run out to save him. We are going to have to be very careful about the moment we pick.

    Mahatma: You think about bikinis a lot?

    Baywatch: Nah, I’m more of a one-suit kind of guy… and David Hasselhoff. I really like Hasselhoff. Have you ever listened to his mus…

    Mahatma: Stop. Stop talking, or you are out of the limo.

    The rest of the krewe pushed forward as Hawg blissfully played in the cool of the river. Hawg finally caught up to the group at Phantom Ranch. Certain that Hawg hadn’t brought any money with him, the plan was to offer to buy him some lemonade and lace it with something that would knock him out. The plan couldn’t have worked any better. Sure enough, as Hawg strolled in from his day at the beach, he looked to see that the line for lemonade was about 50 people deep. Lucky for him, Triple Shift was 4th in line.

    Triple Shift: Hey Hawg. Over here. You want some lemonade?

    Hawg: That sounds great, buddy! But I don’t have any money. Can I owe you?

    Triple Shift: Don’t worry about it. What are friends for?

    Triple Shift winks at Bogey, who proceeds to pass by Triple and hand him a concoction he made from the medicines Margaret had packed for him. He had assured the group it was enough to knock out a mule (and had actually proved his point with an unsuspecting animal minutes earlier).

    Hawg soon found a place to sit by Mahatma, Scantron, and The Architect as he sipped his drug-laced lemonade. He proceeded to tell them that he wanted to go for a run. It’s 5.7 miles to Ribbon Falls. Hawg let them know that he was going to leave Phantom Ranch and run to Ribbon Falls. The rest of the group said that would be a great plan and that they would catch up to him there. He would just need to wait until they got there.

    If Hawg had been listening, he would have heard the clinking beer cans and shouts of joy as he ran off in the distance. This plan could not have worked out any better. There was a new energy among the krewe. As they grabbed their packs to finish their hike in peace, Scantron grabbed a postcard.

    Rev-it: What a great idea. You are writing something to your family?

    Scantron: Nope. I’m writing to The Knees Over Toes Guy. My knee is killing me. Do you have any idea how much of my life I have wasted walking backwards?

    Rev-it: I do not.

    Scantron: A lot. A lot, I tell you. I could have started and sold ten businesses in the amount of time I have pulled that stupid sled around Pontiff. I’m done.

    Five miles later, the group stopped at the sign to Ribbon Falls. If Hawg had not been a mile away, passed out next to a waterfall, he might have heard them laughing. It was loud and long. Finally, they skipped away, happily headed to the North Rim.

    Bolt and Vagabond had taken a break just past Cottonwood to enjoy their new found freedom from annoyance when Bolt spotted Hawg walking up the trail to them. Bolt nudged Vagabond.

    Bolt: Look. How?

    Vagabond: Mahatma will kill us if we walk out of this canyon with him.

    Bolt: What do we do?

    Vagabond: Just follow my lead.

    Hawg: Hey guys? What happened? I thought you all were coming to Ribbon Falls.

    Vagabond: Hey man. I’m so sorry. I’m struggling. It’s really hot out here. I just didn’t think I could make it.

    Hawg: Oh no. Can I help?

    Vagabond: That would be great. Do you think you could go off the trail and find me some water?

    Hawg: You bet buddy!

    No sooner than Hawg had walked twenty feet he found a waterfall just below the trail

    Hawg: Look! There’s a waterfall right here? We are so lucky!

    Vagabond: So lucky.

    After Hawg returned with the water, he, Vagabond and Bolt continued the Hike. When they reached Manzanita Pumphouse Triple Shift was sitting there waiting for them. Seeing Hawg show up he hung his head in disbelief. Hawg ran over to check on him.

    Hawg: You okay buddy?

    Triple: Uh…uh….yeah….I mean….uh not great….just struggling a little.

    Hawg: Not to fret, my man. Hawg’s here. Things are looking up already.

    Triple: Yeah.

    After a couple of glances toward one another and a quick huddle as Hawg went around talking to other hikers, Triple, Bolt, and Vagabond concocted a plan. Vagabond had already convinced Hawg to carry his pack. Triple was going to give him his after leaving Manzanita, and Bolt would would give him his a few yards later. Bolt didn’t think the plan would work. “There is no way he is stupid enough to try and carry three packs.” Triple Shift assured them he was. Triple has known Hawg for ten years and he has never seen a limit to Hawg’s stupidity.

    Try as they might the group couldn’t separate from him even after giving him all of the packs. Finally, Triple grabbed his pack and took off running out of the canyon. He didn’t want to be seen with Hawg when they got to the top. Vagabond and Bolt were stuck with him. It would prove to be the hardest 5 hours of their lives. When Triple reached the top and let Mahatma know that Hawg was coming, Mahatma called U-haul over.

    Mahatma: Fix this.

    U-Haul: Yes my Lord

    But U-Haul didn’t fix it. He thought he was sending one of his Phoenix minions down to do his dirty work, but instead he sent Gretzky from Houston. Gretzky is the nicest human on the face of the Earth. Since finishing the R2R in six hours, he had carried eight people out of the canyon, started a Bible Study at the Lodge, and then pulled an elderly husband and wife out of a burning car on his way back to carry more people out of the canyon. Gretzky was all too happy to take Bolt’s pack from Hawg and start heading up the mountain. This turn of events was met with a flurry of F-bombs muttered under Bolt’s breath. By the time U-haul hand noticed the mistake and rushed down the canyon with his minions, it was too late. Gretzky was too nice to even be annoyed by Hawg. He had taken the pack and was cheerfully leading everyone out. There was nothing U-haul or anyone from NOLA could do.