YHC began Wednesday morning like any other Wednesday morning with a quality 45 minute beatdown at Popeyes (this Wednesday led by the always dangerous Darkwing Duck). YHC’s thoughts quickly turned to the Gnarly Nutria as a nutria was spotted by Hokie Pokey running in the grass near the Pax. YHC took this as a strong omen for an upcoming victory for the World. The native nutria had come out from its hole to bless the World on the morning of the Gnarly Nutria.
YHC’s confidence continued to grow as he arrived at the Gnarly Nutria to see members of the World surrounding him as the World came out in force. Surely the World would continue their winning streak and extend their dominance over the Uptowners on their home turf. Reluctant Yankee shouted out the rules and scoring system and led the racers to the starting line.
A record 91 men lined up for the 4th running of the Gnarly Nutria. 51 for the World. 28 for the Uptowners. 12 for the Northshore. After an odd 2 minute countdown, the runners were off in the humidity and the heat for 5.4 miles of sweaty, stupid joy.
As YHC rounded the first turn of the Gnarly Nutria with Tua and Heisenberg by his side, he his extreme confidence in a victory began to fade and he knew the world might be in trouble in spite of their superior numbers. A mass of Uptowners burst forward past him with a speed the World would be unable to match.
Then the funk hit. YHC doesn’t want to know what the Uptowners are doing in their fabled Audubon park but the stink of the park was strong last night and surely slowed down the time of the World and the NorthShore who aren’t accustomed to the Uptown Funk.
Flatline can hold his head high and claim the title “Fastest Man in F3NOLA” for the next 12 months. Flatline finished the Gnarly Nutria IV in a blistering fast 33 minutes. ESPN8 came in second with 35 minutes. In-Time came in third with a time of 38 minutes. Mulligan finished fourth with 39 minutes and Isobar rounded out the top 5 with 39 minutes and 40 seconds.
4 of the top 5 were Uptowners with In-Time the top finisher for the NorthShore and Shuffles coming in 7th with the top place for the World. Thanks to their domination in speed, the Uptowners overcame the World’s superior numbers.
The Uptowners won Gnarly Nutria IV with 326 points.
The World came in second with 260 points
Northshore came in third with a respectable 127 points coming from only 12 runners.
Tripleshift wins the award for most significant run of the night as he rucksaked the race in honor of Terabyte who went to be with his Savior, Jesus Christ earlier this year.
Bogey wins the award for most beautiful face of the night. Thanks for keeping score and being the pretty face waiting for us at the finish line.
The After Party
The Pax of 91 – 5 gathered together for post-race Name-O-Rama and the announcements of the winner and top finishers. The Pax began with a moment of silence and prayer thanking God for Terabyte and the role he played in F3NOLA.
Followed by a far too long Counterama, followed by a far too long Name-O-Rama, the Pax named 9 FNGs. I am guessing that is a new F3NOLA FNG record. Welcome to Mallrats, Bangs, Johnny Football, Polaroid, Mumbles, Body Shots, Incandescent, Apollo, and Hot Pants.
The Pax gathered together for the infamous sweaty ball-o-man as YHC closed the Pax out in prayer thanking God for the evening and asking Him to use F3 to impact the lives of more men in NOLA. F3 means so much to all of us and may we not hog and hide the friendship, accountability, and growth we have received in F3. Continue to find those men at your work, neighborhood, and in your families who are isolated and struggling. The average American man has less than one friend. YHC has 91. You have 91. Pass this friendship on to others.
Your Humble Correspondent,
Rev Sox
The Results
- Flatline
- ESPN8
- In Time
- Mulligan
- Isobar
- Waterpik
- Shuffles
- Turbo Tax
- Cavalier
- Mahatma-Ice
- Screw Top
- Cowbell
- Tinkles
- Saban
- Fetch
- Baby Bjorn
- FNG Alex
- El Guapo
- Sea Biscuit
- Sandbar
- Rudy
- Ya Mom’n Dem
- 86
- Shorty
- SOGO
- Jadaveon
- Two Yutes
- FNG Deano?
- Backdraft
- Jesus Juice
- Nip Tuck
- FNG
- Heisenberg
- Speedy Gonzalez
- Quarter Pipe
- Bartman
- Rev Sox
- Tua
- FNG
- Shooter
- FNG
- Pai Gow
- Amnesia
- Bongo
- FracSac
- Ocho
- FNG
- Einstein
- Nine Lives
- Kuch
- Kiss
- Tool
- Baywatch
- Gideon
- Chewy
- Reluctant Yankee
- Gumby
- FNG
- PoBoy
- Woz
- FNG
- FNG
- War Eagle
- Tanner
- FNG
- Hawg
- Surge
- Chowda
- Chips
- Darkwing Duck
- Hokey Pokey
- Triple Shift
- Jose 10k
- Bushwacker
- Brown Bag
- Earmuffs
- Squeal
- Moist
- DaParish
- Uncle Si
- Colonial
- Mambi
- Short Bus
- Left Eye
- King Kong
- Amnesty
- Seaman
- Cash Bar
- Gold Bar
- FNG
- FNG
