Category: New Orleans

If YHC learned anything today, it is that improv is an essential skill in many different scenarios in life; F3 is certainly no exception.
First, there were the signs… very oddly placed STADIUM CLOSED signs contradicting the wide-open gates from which they hung. And the padlock on the gates behind the goalpost, also open.
YHC began to worry, since a major part of the thang consisted of material requiring hash marks, then relaxed a bit when Cardinal showed up.
Then Cardinal dropped the bomb on YHC that the stadium was actually closed this time.
Not only that, but the field beside Bayou Road was dominated by peewee baseball fence.
YHC also learned (and please store this in your memory—could come in handy if you get into a similar pickle) that the Chimney is a very versatile backup location.
YHC began the beatdown revolving around the sport that Yankee Joe had yet to theme—not futbol, not America’s mere pastime of baseball, but America’s sport—with the usual warmups (SSH, windmills, SL, etc.) and debuted A-skips to the warmup arsenal.
After completing windmills, the gloom was pierced by Paradox’s cry of “Keep it midnight!” and on that somewhat foreboding cue, Dox, Lil Cuz, Piccadilly and Enron pulled off their shirts and blinded the bewildered PAX with neon shirts with the sleeves apparently cut and/or torn off, decorated by the stenciled abbreviation TLM along with the wearer’s name on the back. Dox outdid himself when he and his neon minions donned similarly colored headbands stenciled with #KIP. YHC overcame the shock with great struggle and continued warmups…
The PAX moseyed to the Chimney and very easily separated into teams: the Midnight Owls (and Enron’s 2.0 FNG Harrison) against all—YHC, Goose, Cardinal, French Horn and Coyote. YHC determined the boundaries and initiated a game of football—football according to Tom Cruise and the Top Gun: Maverick crew. This version of the game (first of all, was originally planned for the Bayou Rd. field) consisted of two footballs, two quarterbacks on the field at one time, and all PAX playing offense and defense at the same time.
The balls were placed after each play on the spot where the ballcarrier who had gained more yards was stopped, and according to which side of the field in which the line of scrimmage was, the team defending it did 5 8-ct body-builders while the opposing team performed 5 big boys (YHC thinks he should have stressed the need to keep track of May Challenge exercises a good bit more; if you haven’t already calculated that, have fun). If a team scored, they were assigned 10 star-jumps, with the defeated, shamed defense doing 10 burpees. In the case of both teams scoring, all PAX did 25 merkins.
Ultimately, the neon-green dark of midnight was overcome by Team Morning Light by a score of 6-4. Highlight of the game: YHC dropped back to pass and noticed Piccadilly sprinting up the field with their ball. YHC rolled to the right and tagged Dilly with his left hand and the ball, then turned on the jets and ran beyond the line of scrimmage. YHC planted his foot and cut right to avoid Paradox, then lateralled to Goose—a pass that fell far behind Goose, who couldn’t even touch it as it fell to the ground and was recovered by Enron. YHC then decided to be a jerk and call the game. Hey, it was five minutes past the previously determined end time anyway!
Knowing that most of the PAX hadn’t thrown a ball yet today and had untested throwing arms, YHC circled up the PAX and began a game of throw-&-catch, during which one would catch the oncoming ball, pass it to another PAX, then drop for a couple of burpees—three if he dropped the pass and picked it up to throw it.
Next Goose and Coyote fell back from the PAX and waited for the first two contestants of the longest-throw elimination-style contest. Two PAX attempted to throw the football farther than the other, the winner choosing a May Challenge exercise and the number of reps to do while the loser did 15 merkins and 15 big boys (yet another accidental complication in the tracking of reps). YHC was victorious in the cannon-arm contest. Next the PAX competed for the longest punt, the contest consisting of the same mechanics. However, having witnessed Goose’s thunderous punts while returning thrown balls to the PAX, the competition was really for second place, a title won by Piccadilly.
Returning to the flag with the rest of the PAX, YHC observed the unfortunate fact that most of the time spent at the Chimney was spent standing around, either in the huddle or waiting for one’s turn to throw/punt. With that in mind, YHC was determined to add the initially aimed-for grind of the beatdown via Mary. After leading the PAX in the previously debuted Down for the Count, Mary consisted of penguins, WWI sit-ups (which were apparently new to the long-absent Cardinal), Dr. Ws and Freddy Mercuries.
YHC had the original draft of the beatdown written out in early May and figured that all would go according to the anticipated plan. However, much was overturned, and YHC is just glad that rules are made to be broken and that YHC didn’t focus very hard on the beatdown’s every detail, as he usually does.
SYITG,
Pope

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