F3 New Orleans

Tag: Kilo

  • Butterball Flight School – from Yankee Joe

    First things first. At 11:50 am yesterday, YHC hopped on the phone with Goats in the Machine. In the background, I could hear his 2.0, Sonic, playing. Or at least I thought he was playing. Goats, as the de facto PE coach, was actually running Sonic back and forth across their two acres. “Take another lab, bud. Goood. Yep. Keep going. Keep goingggg. To the tree and back…the far tree way, way over there. Good job.”

    This gave us a few moments to talk. Goats had an idea to raise money from the Pax to purchase a bicycle for a child in need. Better than that, he wanted to bake it into a beatdown. Even better than that, he wanted to take over YHC’s Thursday Q and run his own. Even more betterer than that, this would be his VQ! We got off the phone at 12:03 pm. By 1 pm, he had created his plan and shared it with the Pax. By 1:15pm, he had his Venmo ready. By 1:45 pm, there were enough donations to buy one bike. By 4pm, enough for four bikes, by 7pm enough for 12 bikes, and by 5am this morning, enough for 16 bikes. Y’all when this guy gets an idea, the Southern Goats Express is rolling through and rolling fast. You better get on board or take a powder and kick rocks (aka..get the heck out of the way). After getting a glimpse of his pre-blast VQ, we are in for a deliciously brutal treat!
    ————–

    That’s a tough act to follow, but on to the beatdown.

    A record seven PAX showed up at the Stage. 44 degrees, but the chill factor had ebbed since the day before, so YHC was whining far less audibly. Thanksgiving is a holiday that often gets overshadowed by Christmas (the commercial, Santa version), like an underwhelming opening act to the main event. As such, we often forget to take a moment to be thankful as we head into the true season of celebrating our Savior.

    As my children adorably sang Thanksgiving songs during their Pre-K performance last week, one verse stuck out to me:

    “I’m a little pilgrim on the run, here is my knife and here is my gun. When I go a-hunting, hear my shout – Deer and turkey better watch out!”

    Cute, if not a tad unnerving. I pondered about what the turkey thought about all this? I asked myself, who will speak for the Turkey? I’ll tell you who…the men of F3 Thibodaux. And the only way to do that is to think like a turkey, sound like a turkey, move like a turkey, and fly like a turkey.

    Wait…can turkeys fly? Ahhh…and thus our beatdown was birthed.

    Warmarama with the regs, followed by a bumper mosey.

    Then, YHC began the beatdown with the following beatdown intro:

    “Today, we’re all a bunch of turkeys. But I’m proud of that fact. There are haters everywhere. They say that we’re delicious. They mock us saying gobble gobble. Who even says that? Their kids trace their hands on construction paper and slap some feet on them and say, “Look mommy, I made a turkey.” Like it’s a genuine Turcasso. Sorry kid, your teacher found the turkey hand template online because she’s bored and doesn’t like her job. However, she is worried (or pissed) that you use so much dang Elmer’s glue when all you need is a dot. Just a dot. Seriously. But I digress.

    I could deal with all of this if it weren’t for the worst thing. They say we can’t fly. Bobby Joe and Jessie Pearl call us flightless birds. Flightless! Oh yeah, Bubba Sue, how the hell did I get up in this tree? Well, I say horsefeathers. They think they’re the cat’s pajamas, drinking all that giggle juice. Well, I say they don’t know their onions. Until now, we’ve made a right pig’s ear of things. But that ends now. Today, we will show them a thing or two about a thing or two. We’re going to learn to fly. Welcome to Butterball Flight Academy.”
    ————-
    Lesson 1: Arm and Leg Warm-up
    To the tune of “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty, these parakeets did:

    – 1st verse – Imperial walkers; Refrain – Merkins
    – 2nd verse – seal jacks; Refrain – Merkins
    – Bridge – chill
    – 3rd verse – squats; Extended refrain – Merkins
    (potential total for 95 merkins)
    ————-
    Lesson 2: Coordination and Flight Training

    – Tie Fighters modified with forward arm circles through lunges
    – Lunge walk to sidewalk (approx. 30 yards)
    – Jungle Boi’s X20 (at this point, YHC was questioning his…well everything)
    – Backward tie fighter mods – BACs during backward lunges to start point
    (half way through, YHC called an audible to change Bonnie Blairs to a 1:1 ratio)
    Bonnie Blairs x20
    ————-
    Lesson 3: You Must Focus. You Must Think Like a Crane, not a Turkey.
    To the tune of “You’re the Best” from Karate Kid (Part 1, of course), these flamingos did:

    – 1st verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 2nd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – Bridge – chill (YHC forgot that we were supposed to be doing speed humpers); Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 3rd verse – Arm raises; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    (By the end, it is impossible to describe whatever the hell any of us were doing. They weren’t crane kicks.)
    ————-
    Intermission: You can only push a bunch of turkeys so far without giving them some reward. So, we took a break and like any good family thanksgiving, we had a pot-luck Mary session. (Poppin Dolly’s were not included.)

    – Montana: V-ups
    – Fence Post: LBC’s (we were all thankful)
    – Kilo: Penguins
    – Goats: Protractor leg raises (20, 45, and 90 degrees) – one of the many advantages of having an engineer in the PAX
    – Goose: Box cutters
    – Enron: I can’t remember. Maybe Big Boy’s? I’m sorry, buddy. I can be such a turkey sometimes.
    – YHC: Flutter kicks – 4 COUNT – but I was actually doing a 5 count. Goose and Enron graciously corrected me. Then I graciously began planning their punishment.

    The Q is not always right, but he is NEVER wrong.
    ————–
    Lesson 4: We Fly!

    – Sprint to sidewalk with tucked wings, intermittently screeching “gobble, gobble.”10 big boys sit ups
    – Nur sprint back with tucked wings
    – Sprint to farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    – Sprint to second farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    – Sprint to third farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    (Thank you Goats and Montana for your enthusiastic gobbling.)
    —————
    Lesson 5: Stabilizers

    Our wings are curved, our tail feathers are straight up, our bones are dense. We are fluffy, not fat. As such, our last lesson dealt with an oft overlooked facet of turkey flight training…stabilizers.

    To the tune of Gobble Gobble (by Matthew West…it’s a good one), these cockatoos engaged in a combination of low plank holds, J-Lo’s (low plank, alternate hips touching ground), and the newest Thibodaux Pax fad, the pickle pounder (low plank with hip thrust down and up).

    Together, the J-Lo’s and the Pickle Pounder are called the ARod’s. But for obvious reasons, this name is no longer appropriate. For the consideration of F3 Thibodaux and Nation, I offer the J-Lo Pickle Gobbler. It’ll catch on.

    – 1st verse – low plank
    – J-Lo on gobble gobbles
    – Refrain – pickle pounders
    – 2nd verse – low plank
    – J-Lo gobble gobbles
    – Extended Refrain – pickle pounders
    (By the end of the extended refrain, Montana, Kilo, and Fence Post were all calling out YHC. I was gassed, flat on the ground, moving my hips from side to side. I believe the term “wounded walrus” was suggested.
    ————–
    Encore! 90 seconds remaining

    YHC deliberated with great pains on which Karate Kid song to use for the Crane Kick lesson. It came down to “You’re the Best” and “Glory of Love.” The former won out by virtue of faster cadence.

    So, to the tune of “Glory of Love,” we held Al Gore for the first verse (about one minute) and ended the last 30 seconds in mission impossible plank. In a vulnerable moment, Goose shared that this was the first song to bring him to tears as a child. I can tell you that YHC has never felt so seen.
    ————–
    COT and YHC prayed us out. As always, I am thankful for F3, the men of the Thibodaux Pax, and most of all the values that we share and espouse to the community. Thank you Goats for bringing those values front and center as we head into this season of gratitude and humility.

    SYITG and Gobble Gobble,

    Turkey Joe

  • 2 Year Manniversary of F3 Thibodaux! A Brief History of F3 Down the Bayou – from Goose

    The highly anticipated day had arrived. Costumes were donned, and the gloom was dark. So dark, in fact, that Paradox, fully decked out in unlicensed Jack Sparrow gear, did a full Helen Keller on an FNG, hands all over his face saying, “Goose, Goose is that you?” just because the guy showed up in a grayish Tundra. The FNG was accomodating, and YHC did show up a little later, overjoyed at the PAX’s costumes and their total disregard for how they’d fare in the rain, the dirt, and through at least 100 burpees. From giant furry vikings to skin tight Moana characters to full size pickles, these dudes were all in. Thankfully, God delayed the rain for a few hours, so the weather was perfect and the morale was super high (made even higher by Head Cheese’s dramatic entrance). We had record numbers at The Peltch, coffeeteria planned for the first time, and 2 years of an unprecedented journey to tromp through–it was an awesome morning!
    Warmup of the usual with last minute costumers trickling in (Picadilly’s pickle balls were amazing, even if they fell off during the first set of mountain climbers). PAX grabbed coupons out the truck, and we were off toward the lower field for the First Era of F3 Thibodaux: Goose-olation

    Era 1: The Genesis of the Beginning, The Dawn of the Origins, Part I
    Goose arrives in Thibodaux from Mandeville with nothing but a list of backblasts from NOLA, Northshore and BR. He couldn’t stop the progress, though, and had high hopes for what might develop. So, the backyard would have to do. For months, what drove him on was knowing that F3 brethren somewhere had already sweat through whatever beatdown he had pulled from the backblast list, so he wasn’t completely “alone”.
    The routine for this era would be The Big Bang:
    All PAX start in a bunch huddled around the coupons. First round, grab a coupon, do 5 OH presses, then mosey 10 steps out from the pack and do 10 burpees (facing outward for max isolation) before returning and plank up for the six.
    2nd round: 5 OH presses, mosey 15 steps out, 15 merkins
    3: 5 OH presses, 20 steps, 20 burpees
    4: 5 OH presses, 25 steps, 25 Hammers
    It’s a reality that pushing alone is way harder than pushing together, and the contrast was felt. Glad to move onto Era 2.

    Era 2: Random pop-ups
    The first to follow the dancing idiot into the madness was technically Cardinal, though he wasn’t seen again for many months (quoted as saying something like “that’s for the birds”). So, Wet Tap gets T-claps for coming out unaccompanied to throw himself into whatever Goose and his Goslings were doing out at Peltier. Then came Gordon, G.I. Joe, and Percolator, though because of work schedules and getting over the initial hump, attendance was random.
    This seemed a great opportunity for the randomness of the Deck of Death, so Wet Tap started us out under the Thunderdome with a random pull followed by three more (Irkins, Bulgarian split squats, and whatever those other two were…). Then, for the sake of time, we moseyed to the baseball field.

    Era 3: Enron
    Goose’s isolation, especially on weekdays, changed unexpectedly with the arrival of Enron. With the dogged determination and willingness to endure pain that only a younger brother could posses, Enron showed up to every beatdown he could and pushed himself hard to keep up with Goose. This quickly led to intense progress and his VQ (alone at The Peltch–for character building). His determination has never slowed, and his Q’s are well thought out (and typed out), usually including some sort of element of chance (for Cardinal).
    PAX partnered up for a grinder as a reminder of all those mornings at The Stage with just Goose and Enron. Split duty on 100 burpees at home plate while partner 2 runs the bases.

    Era 3: Return of the EH (and Crab Walk) King
    Cardinal eventually did return, and not only did he stick with it, even on weekdays, but the PAX quickly began to swell with his FNG’s, and his move to Chackbay has only widened his EH territory.
    The exercise would be Bear Crawl Tag Infection–Cardinal started at the pitchers mound and bear crawled around tagging the PAX, who were crab walking to get away within the confines of the infield. Once someone was tagged, he became part of the cult, switched to bear crawl, and began tagging the rest of the sad clowns (crabwalkers). It took no time for all to be tagged, ironically with Head Cheese being the last…So, we moseyed to The Chimney for Era 4.

    Era 4: Paradox
    As soon as Paradox even heard there was an F3, he had purchased tiny Mudgear shorts and within minutes had memorized the entire Exicon and the last 100 backblasts from the top 5 regions. And, his foot has never let off the gas. This next routine would be a nod to his name (you know, cuz he’s a doctor, and his wife is also a doctor, so they’re a pair-o-docs…), and to a couple of his Peltch Q’s.
    Partner up, both partners do 10 burpees, then one partner body drags another about 20 yards to the chimney, both do 10 more burpees, then flapjack and body drag the other back to start. This is where Paradox’s mustache exploded (the remainder of his facial hair) which made him Orlando Bloom’s character instead (props to Lil’ Cuz for that observation).

    Era 5: Lumen Christi
    Earlier this year Cardinal was able to talk a few of the young men who worked at the chancery with he and YHC to come out to a new beatdown on Tuesday mornings at Lumen Christ, the retreat center behind the chancery (with showers and everything). It was a glorious AO with a great crew, and some of the Thibodaux PAX would show up every now and then, too. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t last as the retreat schedule filled up (I guess it seemed a little less retreat-ish to have a bunch of sweaty dudes bear crawling down the hill to the Top Gun soundtrack or Indian running past the windows with cinder blocks over their heads).
    In a nod to Tighty Whitey (may he never be forgotten) and Enron’s near death experience at Lumen, we did Welsh Dragons up to 7, followed by a mosey to the playground.

    Era 6: SV 500
    The St. Vincent was arguably the best F3 fundraiser in the country (and maybe the world) for 2022 (and maybe for all time, past and future). Thanks to Paradox’s leadership and the buy-in of the rest of the PAX, it went off beautifully, tons of people attended, we had an incredible time, and we surpassed our goal of $10K for prescription meds for people in need. In honor if this incredibly blessed experience, we partnered up again for a quick Dora in honor of the partner race that raised the bar for many years to come.
    Partners would split duty on 100 flutter kicks on the playground side of the “mountain” while partner 2 ran over the “mountain” and did 10 Big Boy Situps on the other side and ran back. Then, moseyed back to the Thunderdome for the final eras.

    Era 7: Jerftember
    Yankee Joe’s arrival came and went like many who get a first taste of F3, puke, and don’t come back. But he did come back after about a month, puked some more, and became hopelessly addicted to growth. The Jerf was born out of this deep desire for more and more growth, and it opened a new era of Thibodaux PAX ownership, comradery, accountability, and WHOOP pressure. It also gave birth to BAPS, who still hasn’t fully proven himself.
    In honor of the Jerf, PAX lined up on the baseline under the Thunderdome for one full round of Jerfing. The sound of 17 PAX dropping cinder blocks onto concrete under an echoing pavillion is truly a glorious thing.

    Era 8: IPC and Burptober
    With one minute remaining, YHC led the PAX in 3 Kraken Burpees in honor of the unprecedented Week 5 of IPC and to finish out the 100 burpees needed for the second to last day of Burptober.

    Moseyed back to the flag, all still in full costume, for an incredible COT and our first ever coffeeteria. Fence Post was named (Welcome!!), Cue Ball was welcomed (originally from F3 Huntsville), and tables, donuts, too much coffee, and raw eggs were laid out under the trees. Conversation was awesome as the PAX rejoiced in the incredible blessing that F3 has been and the unrepeatable gift that each man has been to the whole group. The high from that morning has lasted for multiple days now, and it spilled over into record breaking numbers at The Stage this morning (including Fence Post!). Looking forward to the many years to come!

    See You In The Gloom,
    Goose

  • Support Group for JBL – from Goose

    Still on a high from the convergence (and the van ride to and from the convergence) and the promise of a Kilo appearance, a record 8 PAX converged upon The Stage, mostly to console Paradox after what should not be mentioned (again) on record. But, I’ll go ahead and mention it anyway–JBL, in his opportunity of a lifetime performance, came up short. Really short. Thankfully, Coyote was there to make it all worth it and save the Thibodaux PAX’s convergence Q from total disaster, but JBL will never be the same.

    Warmup: the usual plus the pre-burpee mountain climbers, and the feel of 8 men in the circle at The Stage was awesome. YHC allowed some gloves to fall from his pocket instigating questions since there were no coupons in sight. (There was already some suspicion of a potential setup with some deep, devious plan devised by Anker to slowly and methodically break down the competition from within.)

    After the warmup, YHC suggested that all should retrieve gloves from their vehicles, and all were able to do so…blue and white ones…all of them. Burpees in the street was on the menu, and YHC knew that this particular street is a cheese shredder for human flesh.

    The Thang (Part 1) was a mosey around Rich Man’s Loop with 5 burpees EMOM for 10 minutes. Minutes seemed shorter than normal, but all kept up well enough, and 50 burpees were in the books.

    Part 2 consisted of three songs from the F3 Burpeepalooza list created a couple of years back for Make America Burpee Again, and these songs were chosen because they hadn’t yet been used much this year, and because their total burpees added up to 50.

    First: Red Solo Cup–overhead claps for the duration and burpees for every “Cup” and “Up” (total of 25)
    Second: This is Who I Am by Third Day–LBC’s for the duration and burpees for every “This is who I Am” (total of 12)
    Third: Get Back Up Again by Toby Keith (dedicated to JBL)–high knee skips (or “Running Man” skips if you’re Lil’ Cuz, or just trip over yourself if you’re Enron or Montana) for the duration, and burpees for every “Get Back Up Again” (total of 13)

    Part 3 was a 7 of Diamonds/4 Corners–add an exercise at every corner
    1. 7 merkins
    2. 7 merkins, 14 Bonnie Blairs
    3. The above plus 21 Big Boy Situps
    4. The above plus 28 Monkey Humpers
    The legs were done by the second corner, but all powered through with minimal grumbling.

    Part 4: Speed and Agility
    1. Sprint to the sidewalk and Nur back
    2. Carioca there and back (Also known as “Staring into One Another’s Eyes While Dancing”)
    3. Side shuffle there and back
    4. Bunny Hop there and mosey back (YHC was impressed by the effort on this one)

    Mary (IC): Freddy Merc x 31, Leg Raises x 15

    COT and Paradox prayed us out. Thanks for making it 8 STRONG this morning! It was awesome to have Kilo back and to offer prayers and camaraderie for his first day at the new job! And only six more days of burpees!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Just Wait Until This Year – from Yankee Joe

    A beautiful Saturday morning at The Peltch welcomed six Pax to her warm yet menacing embrace. It was about to get real…like real real…not iron challenge real…but def second to last level, Fake Bowser real.

    Still recovering from the St. Vincent 500 race deep in the swampy gloom of Thibodaux, LA, YHC spent last week painfully reflecting. Pulled by the mighty Enron through the latter half of the race, YHC had been front row to witness the unbelievable prowess of Tanked Up (respect) and Speedy Gonzalez (hate hate). YHC’s hopes had loomed large that morning at the stage. However, as Daft Punk so aptly put it, Tank was Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. Ego appropriately deflated, YHC could have simply been a good little 90’s Red Sox fan and said, “Just wait until next year.” BUT with only 364 days remaining until next year’s race, YHC broke the cycle and immediately began crafting a plan. After an honest assessment of that day, YHC identified two specific moments in the race from which he would never recover: 1) Dora’s with 150 Big Boy Sit-ups and 2) Burpees. Taking Saturday’s Q was the first step (or burp) toward glory.

    By 7:30 am, each individual Pax had completed 285 merkins, 200 thrusters, 230 squats, 100 yards of crab walks, 100 yards of bear crawls, and 150 LBCs.

    High Country Chatter:

    – Welcome two new FNGs: Toe Loop and Pill Poppa!
    – Bosé up in this piece
    – Goats in the Machine making a bid for comeback pax of the year!
    – Enron is apparently moonlighting at the AO in Lake Norman, NC, but then bailing to the wilderness.
    – Paradox not only refrained from mentioning JBL, he was supportive and dare I say, friendly toward Bosé. Mark my words…there’s something sketch going on like keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.
    – Montana (and also a legit Montaña) broke out 100 yards of crab walks like they were nuttin’.
    – Kilo apparently can do 3,732 LBC’s without breaking a sweat…
    – Percleator is pure machine from the waist down (enter Michael Scott)…c’mon, I’m talking about rocking 205 squats and nearly 4 minutes of Al Gore’s.

    Warmarma:
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Wrist circles
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    Arm stretches
    Imperial walkers
    Grass grabbers
    Mosie

    Mini-Thang: Cotton Eyed Joe
    – Hillbilly walkers; squat with side leg kicks on banjo; merkins on girl singing; rinse and repeat

    Real Thang: Painful Reflections (with soundtrack)

    Per YHC’s assessment, Burpees created some problems…so we dissected the problem and deconstructed the burpee.

    Part 1: Deconstructed Burpee w/ crab walks
    – 10 Squats, 10 leg thrusters, 10 Merkins, 10 leg thrusters, then crab walk 10 yards to opposite marker. Decrease reps by 1 each time until you get to 1 each. (110 thrusters; 55 merkins; 55 squats; 100 yds crab walk)

    Also, Dora’s wreaked havoc, so we got lazy, but not really.

    Part 2: Lazy Doras (no running, but jack up the pain)
    – Partners perform 100 Merkins each (total 200), 200 LBCs as a team, and 300 Squats as a team.
    – P1 started with Merkins while P2 planked, then switch until 200 merkins reached
    – Then, P1 did LBCs while P2 performed a 6″ leg hold, then switch until 200 total.
    – Finally, P1 did squats while P2 held Al Gore’s, then switch until 300 total.

    Painful Reflections Playlist:
    Crazy Train (Ozzy), Hells Bells (AC/DC), Another One Bites the Dust (Queen), Raise Your Hands (Bon Jovi), Enter Sandman (Metallica), Jump (Van Halen)

    Real Real Thang: The Umpire Strikes Back (110 merkins total; 100 yards bear crawl)

    Death Star, but set around a little league infield, base paths divided in segments.
    – Pax started at home plate 10 merkins, bear crawl halfway to 1st base – 10 merks, bear crawl to 1st base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 2nd base – 10 merks, BC to 2nd base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 3rd base (that’s what she said) – 10 merks, BC to 3rd base – 10 merks
    – BC one third of the way to home – 10 merks, BC to next third – 10 merks, BC to home – 10 merks (as Paradox reminded YHC that Tank was out there probably doing something harder)
    – Finally, BC to pitcher’s mound – 10 merks
    – Sprint to center field, wait for pax, then merkins until muscle failure (this last bit did not happen for some reason, but YHC was too gassed to notice)

    Mosie back to the flag…er…the spot where the flag normally goes for COT. Montana prayed us out.

    359 days until SV500 2023. But first, painful reflections followed by painfully righteous solutions.

    I continue to be humbled by your fellowship. Thank you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • The St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    Our tale begins in the spring of 2022 in a small bayou town where a community pharmacy, after taking losses from storm and plague, had great need. After decades of providing vital prescription medicine for those in need, this team of volunteers now searched for the same helping hand. The Pax of F3 Thibodaux heard the call, and a plan was devised. We consulted our sage leader for advice. This HIM had carried the torch of 3Fs from the Mandevillage many moons ago. He knew the way of the pax and was skilled in the smithing of a fine beatdown. He peered into the gloom with a thousand-mile stare and the fate of the fundraiser hung in the balance. “if you build it..they will come” Goose said with a nod and then promptly vanished into a flurry of burpees. With a team formed and a grant secured we dove into the work.
    An event was needed and a place to rally the pax. A race, but not just any race. A challenge of physical and mental strength that would call to the hearts of the Louisiana PAX. A series of pain and cardiovascular torture so intense that no self-respecting HIM of F3 Nola could resist. It was forged in the caves of .word files and hammered through the gmail circuit boards. Welded to perfection one station at a time. A burpee here, a bonnie blair there. Precious metals adorned it at every corner to award prepared pax but many traps lay waiting for poor form. It was written, and it was done and it was beautiful.

    The beacons of aid were lit! Thibodaux called for aid…and our brothers answered.
    39 PAX (including 6 FNGs!) assembled at the stage on a gorgeous bayou morning! They came from northern shores and from western banks. From uptowns and motherships. From Grannies and Lakefronts. They came in calf sleeves, mudgears and some even bare of foot! Namesakes that struck fear like Shooter and Tanked. Some that drew intrigue like Hokie and Hawg. Famed backblasters we had read for years like Steve and Akbar. Even legends of the gloom like Frac and the Reluctant Yankee, who were there when the deep magic was gifted to us from the eastern coast. They followed a lonesome bayou road and mumbled Deliverance jokes along the way. They came as one to help a great cause and lock shields with their brothers in the bayou. The course was set, pleasantries exchanged, and the only thing left to do was make a run at 500. Let’s get to it…

    Warmup

    Goose gave the disclaimer and race details, and pointed out key safety and strategy reminders. Each two-person pax team would start at a numbered station along the course. Once the horn was blown, they would begin at their station and advance. Each station had 3 options: bronze, silver or gold. (Worth 10, 15 and 25 points respectively. So, a perfect score of gold at all 20 stations would reach the mythical 500 points. These corresponded to the number of reps completed by a team combined. They then would grab the token and secure it in an advanced technology carrying case (Ziploc bag). Head for the next station and rinse and repeat until you have finished 20 stations or ran out of time.
    After this was explained he led a thunderous cadence of our usuals stage warmups. This was YHCs first experience with a >20 pax group and the big group energy was powerful

    THE THANG

    Pair up, line up and we were numbered off 1-19 (one team of 3). Each team headed for their station and when GI Joe hit the airhorn it was geaux time. The stations were as follows:

    STATIONS:
    1. Merkins- 40, 80, 120
    2. Bobby Hurleys—30, 60, 90
    3. Freddy Mercuries—50, 100, 200
    4. Coupon Curls—40, 60, 100
    5. SSH: 50, 100, 150
    6. Carolina Dry Docks- 40, 60, 100
    7. Big Boy Sit Ups- Partner does big boys, one partner sprints to next station and back. 100, 150, 200 situps
    8. Side lunges (2 is 1)- 40, 80, 120
    9. Coupon OHP- 40, 60, 100
    10. Burpees- 30, 50, 100
    11. LBC’s- 50, 100, 200
    12. Peter Parker Merkins- 30, 60, 90
    13. Bonnie Blair (2 is 1) 40, 60, 100
    14. Brick Back Flys- 50, 100, 200
    15. Leg Raise Dora – One partner Leg raises, one partner bear crawl to next station and run back. 50, 100 or 200
    16. Mission Impossible Plank- combined time: 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes
    17. Coupon Swings- 40, 60, 100
    18. Prisoner Squats – 50, 100, 150
    19. Mountain Climber (2:1) 50, 100, 200
    20. Arm Circles while partner crabwalks to next station and runs back. Complete 100, 200, or 400

    After 1 hour of “Pax vs St. Vincent course” the dust settled and everyone returned to the flag. Chatter was high about the difficulty of the layout, the supreme fun had traversing the course and low rumblings of scores north of 400 permeated the air. A few teams completed counting up their coins while we began the count off, and name off. YHC was impressed with the veteran naming experience of NOLA and northshore pax. Their FNG naming skills were unparalled and we left with six newly minted local PAX: Welcome Sir Lawrence, Kodiak (CodyYak), MeatSweats, One Call, Wallflower and Lambchops. Looking forward to getting yall in the mix.

    Now down to serious business. YHC and Goose dramatically unveiled the official St. Vincent 500 dual trophies for the final presentation. Imagine a 12-inch manifestation of the love child between Hulk and Stretch Armstrong, in a full rage pose. Victory is all he has ever known. After appropriate oooohhhhs and ahhhhsss Goose led a suspenseful point count-off to see who the last team was standing. In the end, the combination of Tanked Up and Speedy Gonzalez tallied 470 points and took home the first annual St. Vincent 500 trophy! T- Claps on those numbers gentlemen. Phenomenal effort. We’ll all be gunning for you next year.

    Coffeeteria after provided by our St. Vincent de Paul board and it was great to get a chance to talk shop with all the pax and compare notes on course strategy.

    YHC could not have envisioned the tremendous amount of support we would receive from both our local community and our F3 community for this cause.
    So grateful for each one of you who spent your weekend time and energy for this event.

    At the time of writing this backblast we have raised $10, 451. 51!! This goes directly to purchase of prescription medicine for those individuals in need. Praise God!

    Thank you for the oppurtunity to lead.

    SYITG,
    Paradox

  • Teamwork Gumbo- Add Burpees to Taste – from Paradox

    One of the many beautiful things about F3 is that beatdowns come in all flavors. Some are slow cooked for that low heat quad burn. Some, pan fried in zoysia and leave you needing 2.5 gallons of Rouses water to lick your wounds. Others, heavy on the spice , with unknown ingredients mixed in ready to ambush you at every dollar store cone. Saturday’s beatdown needed all our pax ingredients to blend together in a synergistic gumbeaux of team building exercises
    It went a little something like this….

    Recipe for Teamwork Gumbeaux
    1 cup extra crispy Yankee Joe , variable beard length for extra masculinity
    1 oven roasted Goose , dark meat or white meat you’ll find the form impeccable
    3.18 micrograms of Spicey Enron powder (kinda like a knock off Tony Chachere’s ) to challenge the palate,- works well on slow 10 counts
    1 complaint free twice baked Perclelator , Chackbay imported only
    1 tightly wrapped Wet Tap , 10 merkins before cooking or the chest meat will be gamey
    1 Kilo of unmarked everchanging vehicles to keep the recipe fresh
    1 sprinkle of Chocolate Montana Thunder to keep the fasting glucose below 300
    1 lb of freshly chopped Piccadilly,  imported from Houma
    A dash of Coyote so we have a benchmark for speed
    A spread of Pope to keep us young and humble
    Blend all together in a roux of burpees and squatsPreheat your Peltier Park Oven to 92 , adjust to max humidity and cook for 1 hour
    Serve hot and Bone app the teeth cus it always goes down smooth

    WarmUp

    The usuals plus a few added reps while we welcomed Kilo and Montana to the fray. (T claps to Montana for his first Peltch experience)
    Got started with a Black snake Indian run with the last PAX dropping for 10 ssh.  JBL dialed up Eye of the Tiger and was thumping to keep the intensity high. PAX came out of the gate strong with speed and tenacity. Set the tone and didn’t let up. This led us to the tennis courts. 

    With a goal of solidifying pax unity before our fundraiser event YHC had some teamwork training in mind today.  First step was to identify the key pillars of an effective team then immediately put them to the test. 

    Thang 1
    Mutual respect for your teammates

    Aretha Franklin taught the boys some RESPECT
    IW on song , Squats on “just a little bit “ , Burpees on “Respect “
    Followed by a Mini ladder – 10 reps of the following exercises with descending burpees From 7
    Ranger merkins
    Elbow plank jacks
    Squats
    Peoples chair arm raises
    Easy merkins (wide)
    Carolina dry
    Terrible merkins (diamond)
    Coyote continued to challenge the land speed record for mammals and Yankee Joe kept the mumble chatter to a simmer which was his lowest possible setting. – T- claps to Goose for watching out for PAX safety on those net jumps. May have to modify those if they tighten the net. 

    Mosey to ThunderDome

    Thang 2

    Communication, Accountability and Trust
    YHC welcomed PAX to the Burpee minefield where we will build communication or suffer the consequences.
    Pax holds plank on the surrounding rectangle with scattered cones in between. 
    send one pax through blindfolded
    if he knocks over a cone , 5 squats
    Decrease time each rotation as communication improves . Goose , Montana, Wet Tap, and Coyote ran the gauntlet safely. Great teamwork and flexibility here as the PAX learned to let the next man down the line control the instructions as they are closer to the action. Penalties were minimal.

    Thang 3
    Mosey To big field For Conflict resolution training Via JBL and Anker. If you’ve been following the bayou pax backblasts you may know about this storm that’s been brewing. The feud between pax bluetooth devices has been long, bloody and flooded many well planned beatdowns with chaos. Every great team must be challenged with internal conflict. But how you respond to the conflict seperates good from great. With this lesson in mind YHC extended an olive branch to Team Anker with a goal in mind…. Pax destruction via a two headed bluetooth hydra spitting fire , thumping tubs, and striking thunder in the hearts of the pax. 

    Split into 2 teams. one to Anker, one to JBL roughly 100 yards apart
    When your team does 3 burpees run to the other song
    High knees on song
    Sprint between devices
    JBL played ACDC ,  burpees on thunderStruck
    Anker played TubThumping
    burpees on “get knocked down”

    All YHC will comment here is that an anonymous tip of Whoop data was submitted later that day with HR spikes to the 190s and unprecedented strain. 

    We put it all together with a mission to advance the kettlebell to the 100 yard cone
    All Pax in single file, pass kettle bell behind you while in al gore
    Last man takes kb and lunges to the front hands off , does 5 squats
    Every time you hand off the kb, do 5 squats. Brutal quad burn.

    Mosey back to the flag for Special Musical Mary
    With our teamwork training complete we felt like a cohesive unit , cueing up Feel so close by Calvin Harris: Alternate freddie mercuries on the chorus with wife pleasers , penguins , LBCs, big boys, flutter kicks. A great burner and the effort here was tremendous. 

    COT and Enron prayed us out 

    1 week until the SV 500!! The Stage is set and Sponsors are filled! . Check out Slack or Facebook for more info. Come see us Friday night for a burger at the Stage as well. 

    Grateful for you men and the strength we have when locking shields together
    . Thanks for the freedom to lead. 

    SYITG

     Paradox

    ◦

  • The Life of St. Vincent de Paul – from Paradox

    Bright morning sun, fresh cut grass and a few buried treasures met 10 PAX Saturday at the Peltch. The hype for the St. Vincent 500 is steadily building so YHC decided to give the PAX a history beatdown and honor the life of this great Saint.

    Standard issue warmup with some added flare. What/who is a Nancy Kerrigan? Still a mystery. During a recent beatdown intervention YHC was confronted by none other than Enron (Et tu, Brute?) about doing backwards arm circles during the time that is not clearly designated for either forward or backward arm circles. Strong opinions were laid on the table. An entire life’s work of beatdown warmups were questioned. Lines were drawn in the sand. In the end YHC acknowledged the error in his ways and gave into the authorities. Henceforth Q designates forward or backward AC. So let it be written.

    Enough Tom Foolery, to the beatdown..

    THANG 1 -The Early Life

    St. Vincent de Paul was born in a peasant village in rural France on 4/24/1581.
    PAX partnered up to get some monkey bar hang time while the partner knocked out 4 burpees, flap jack, followed by 24 LBCs, flap jack ,followed by 81 SSH. Flap jack. Tons of mumblechatter about the health attributes of a dead hang. Yankee Joe assured us his shoulder joints had actual cob webbs and Cardinal hung bravely from the short bar with worldclass form. We were all better for it. Coyote could still be hanging if he wanted to. The joint laxity is strong with 2.0s.

    A short mosey to the ball field where we continued to contemplate the hard work that St. Vincent learned while helping his family tend farm animals and plow fields. Staying in partner groups in wheelbarrow format we worked a small plot of land then had to flip the equipment for partner leg raises. Partners then swapped and one was the plow while the other provided the manpower. This was completed during the length of the classic from Jason Aldean “Amarillo Sky”. Team Goose with an impressive display of teamwork here as the 2.0s took a leg each to help Pops plow his field. Tclaps

    Mosey to the cornhole zone for a musical interlude. St. Vincent’s parents noticed his intelligence, and after many sacrifices were able to send him to study for the priesthood. After excelling in school, he was ordained as a priest at the age of 19. Due to the law at the time, he could not perform duties as a parish priest until 24 so he decided to pursue degrees in canon law and theology. Becoming a theology Rockstar was his goal but this was also a time of great spiritual turmoil for the young priest.

    PAX listened to “Party Rock” and performed Imperial walkers during the intro, seal claps on “claps” and then a cluster of
    Bonnie Blairs during the chorus. Earmuffs were applied as YHC could not find the nonexplicit version.

    Thang 2 -Seven Seas and “The Mission”

    After completing his education St. Vincent was eager to serve as a priest and put his years of learning into practice. God had other plans. He was captured by pirates and eventually sold into slavery. Through a span of 2 years he was traded from ship to ship. Instead of despair, St. Vincent used this time to learn alchemy, navigations, and continue the discernment process to find what God truly had planned for him.

    JBL played “Around the World” by Daft Punk while PAX completed around the world lunges and Moroccan night clubs during the short breaks.

    Next we headed for the seven seas. A preset course of cones directed us into stations of “treasure” on the crest of each wave. PAX started with 4x4x4 (merkins, mountain climbers SSH) as a single pax was fed into the ocean at a time. Crest stations included kettlebell OHP x10, heavy bar OHP x10 and dumbbell flies x10 while trough stations involved 5 merkins. Run between cones.

    St. Vincent eventually converted his own slave master to Christianity and won his release returning to France where he began the Congregation of the Mission and Daughters of Charity. Above all else his mission was to “be Christ among the poor “and to “see Christ among the poor”. He spent the next 30 plus years serving the poor and “left behind” population of France and allocating resources to provide for organizations to continue this work.

    We used these same 7 stations for “St. Vincent Webb’s” which consisted of increasing merkins x1 and air presses x2 until 7 merkins and 14 air presses were achieved. On the way back we did LBC x2 and American Hammers x4 in increasing fashion until 14 lbcs and 28 American hammers were complete.
    A mosey back to flag to complete the last segment of St. Vincent’s life. While afflicted with painful sores on his lower extremities St. Vincent was bound to a chair or bed until his death. He did not let this hamper his mission. He completed thousands of letters to the aristocracy of France and utilized these resources to provide for the poor and needy.

    Special round of Mary where we completed no leg movement core exercises. Penguins, big boy situps, Nolan Ryans, scuba steves and Australian sweat angels.
    COT and Prayer

    **Post Beatdown extra curriculars: encore version of “Party Rock” was completed while picking up cones and YHC accessories. Some say Enrons dance moves changed the course of Thibodaux history. Others were less enthused.

    Thanks for letting me lead fellas. As always I had a ball creating and attempting to execute this one. Excited to serve this community and continue the mission of St. Vincent de Paul through our upcoming fundraiser.

    Sign up your team for the SV500 and lets get those sponsorships locked down.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • We saw the sign – from Percleator

    Warmuparama
    SSH, AV, AC FW/BW, CP, High knees butt kicks, IW, grass grabbers

    First thang: catch me if you can
    One lap around green at the chimney, partner performed 15 Freddie Mercurys while other partner bear crawled, catch up to partner and switch places. Second lap was lunge walk paired with 5 burpees

    Mosey to thunderdome for thang 2:
    YHC has noticed a lack of a certain genre of music for beatdowns. It’s hard to name this category but the closest thing might be “meme songs” or a “torture track”. Its the kind of song that is fun at first (in a slightly ironic sense) but will wear on you with time.
    Song 1: What’s up by Four Non Blondes
    Squats for the duration of the song. YHC called out tempo. Started out with slow 4 count squats (4 counts down 4 counts up) at different points in song YHC called out 2 and 2 count, 3 and 1, then into singles. YHC got excited and called out jump squats before the song hit its climax.
    Song 2: The sign by Ace of Base
    Start with crunchy frogs. When song changes to verse do mountain climbers, chorus do Australian sweat angels, for breakdown section back to crunchy frogs and repeat until end of song.
    YHC is of the belief that an hour of this song on repeat qualifies as cruel and unusual. No man could retain his sanity in that scenario.

    Last thang: BOMBS
    Team up 50 burpees
    75 Overhead claps from people’s chair
    100 Mercans
    150 Big Boys
    200 Squats
    The PAX pushed hard and almost finished but YHC called it and got back to flag a couple minutes late.

    Sadly no time for Mary.
    COT and Kilo sprayed us out

    Thank you for the opportunity to lead, always a pleasure with you guys
    SYITG

  • Intense Morning at The Stage – from Goose

    YHC lost power early this morning, and as I rolled up to The Stage, it became immediately clear why –an electrical pole was down across the highway, and it had caught the fence in front of the neighborhood on fire. Enron and Kilo had to fight hard to find a way around all the road blockages and emergency vehicles and arrived in time to see the firemen hosing it all down. This set the tone for what would be a bit of an intense coupon beatdown. It just didn’t feel like the time for songs or games or anything, so after a warmup of the usual (with eyes fixed on the highway project), we set about to initiate Kilo into a new level of coupon pain.

    It started with a coupon mosey to the start of Rich Man’s Loop and the usual question from the initiate, “Is there an un-awkward way to run with this thing?” Nope. There’s not. And, if there is, YHC has not yet reached that level of F3 prowess.

    The plan was to rifle carry the block for 1 light pole (about 50 yards), then drop the block and nur back 1 pole, then sprint back to the block and plank for the six; and we’d do this five times. But, we ended up rifle carrying for the first three light poles since traffic was having to turn around in the neighborhood, and many drivers, already confused by the strange occurrence on the highway, were having to also encounter three tall men carrying cinder blocks over their heads in the dark. So, once we were past the traffic, we commenced the nurring, sprinting, etc., and slowly made progress via rifle carry to the end of the back straightaway, after which we moseyed with coupons in various holds back to the flag.

    Next, we lined up with coupons at the edge of the field for 5 rounds of the following: 5 squat thrusters, 10 curls, 15 rows. After 5 rounds, bear crawled to the other side of the field and ran back. This was admittedly harder than it looked on paper, but it filled enough of the remaining time so that we needed to move onto some block inclusive Mary so YHC could expose the PAX to yet more Exicon depth (always a goal).
    This included (all 4-count, IC): 20 block high flutter kicks, 20 block LBC’s, 15 bench press/skull crusher combos, 15 American Hammers w/block, and 20 wife pleasers w/block. That last one brought about some gratitude that the flow of traffic had resumed, otherwise what was recently a line of cars might be wondering why three men were lying on the concrete humping cinder blocks. In honor of this good fortune, we finished out the last minute or so with 15 monkey humpers.

    COT and Enron prayed us out. Kilo and Enron compared shoulder scrapes on the way back to the vehicles, grateful for the souvenirs and the pumped upper bodies.
    Much to put into God’s hands this morning, and gratitude for these HIMs fighting to get out there and push hard. Thanks for letting me lead!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Run, Float, Sink, Climb – from Paradox

    YHC has a love/hate relationship with sprints. I’ll blame it on deep seated psychological trauma from high school football conditioning. YHC’s ancestors likely invented the spear to avoid sprinting from the sabertooth. Like “oh well , lets takes our chances with this stick cus running fast sucks”. Recently YHC has felt the need to address these ancestral deficiencies with tailormade beatdowns.
    When beginning my Q journey a few months back, Goose handed down some deep wisdom nuggets about beatdown architecture: Always return to the classics. Shakespeare and Thoureau you say?? No sir, “try Steve and Akbar, those guys write a solid backblast”. I dove into the Northshore archives and after surveying several gems I selected a recent sprint work piece (run, float run) created by Northshore legend Akbar. Some of his initial work like the “the Merkin Trap” changed the way I Q so I knew I was in good hands.
    Arrived to the Stage with a lonely black SUV and a single PAX in heavy stretch mode. Could it be?! ENRON! Returning from IR to get back into the mix. Great to have ya back brother. The newly minted Roughneck rolled in shortly after followed by Kilo and we got started

    WarmOrama: SSH, IW, WM, AC, Cherry Pickers, high knees, butt kicks. Bumper/Stop Sign Mosey

    JBL official warm-up
    *I must pause here and recognize that JBL remains the alpha Bluetooth speaker in this pack. There may be contenders and challengers (lifejacket and Anker) that come and go but when the chips are down, and you need soul jarring thunderous rock there is only one Bluetooth speaker king.

    Song: “Aint no mountain high enough”- High knees on whole song. Trigger words were the following: high enough=jump squat, low enough=2 deep squats, wide enough =3 merkins

    THANG 1
    Mosey to Rich Mans loop for sprint work.

    Mosey, Sprint, Float, Sink (thanks Akbar)
    Each light pole had a different gear. Started with standard mosey, then increased to sprint followed by down shift into float (which I’m learning is kinda a feel thing) followed by planking for the 6 and repeato. The key to the float is a “fast relax” with very little straining. Realizing as I type this sounds like my medical advice on not producing hemorrhoids. Our best effort was attempted. Completed 7 rounds.

    THANG 2
    Introduced the PAX to yet another cousin of Jack Webb. Today we meet his seldom seen uncle Mountain Jack Webb. Starting at the straight away with 2 Squat Chinooks then 4 mountain climbers (1 is 1) followed by lunge walks to the next cement line (roughly ten yards) and repeato. Increased increments by 2/4 reps respectively. Thanks to some quick Enron excel spreadsheet math we topped out at 28 squat chinooks and 40 MCs with a 60 MC burnout.
    Headed back to the virtual flag (we miss ya goose!) in Indian run style.
    Enough time for 20 Freak nasties and 10 Box Jumps and some mixed Mary
    15 LBCs, 15 Penguins, 15 Wife pleasers, 20 Dolphin Hops
    Count off, NameORama and Prayer intentions.
    Come out to the peltch Saturday for Kilos VQ! (Star Wars theme has been promised)

    Apologies to Enron for 45 minutes of sprints and mountain climbers on a bum knee. If it holds up after today, you can toss that Brett Favre copper sleeve in the can. Great to have you back, your premium grade mumble chatter has been missed.

    T Claps for Roughneck coming back for more after Monday. Keep pushing brother.

    Solid Effort fellas, thanks for letting me lead

    Until the next gloom

    Paradox