The Circle of Life
Recently, after acquiring his first set of progressive eyeglasses (let’s be honest…they’re trifocals), YHC had been reflecting heavily on his life journey thus far. In keeping with the melodramatic pondering that is called a “mid-life crisis,” YHC called on the wisdom of Mike Tyson.
While exploring the pivotal issues of his day, Iron Mike once observed, “I don’t understand why people would want to get rid of pigeons. They don’t bother no one.”
Indeed, Michael, indeed.
But what does this have to do with the Circle of Life? Just this…when you find yourself at the pinnacle of your life’s AS-cent, you are only moments away from biting ears and solving Scooby-Doo style mysteries on Adult Swim.
In the depths of this brooding, the miniature Yankee Joe’s discovered “The Lion King” (the original version, of course…because I’m not a monster!) That broke YHC out of his funk and led to a more light-hearted backdrop to an otherwise dark beatdown.
After doing a practice runthrough of said beatdown, YHC decided that cinder block coupons were not…well…safe. Thus, YHC showed up with 5 gallon jugs of water (albeit useless) handles. Paradox would later point out that there was a “sneaky psychological angle” in wanting desperately to drink the water. He did not, however, voice this concern during the beatdown as that would almost certainly be considered high-country mumblechatter. I digress.
Notable Mentions:
– Montana back in action. A drug dealer with tinted windows just makes this better.
– Cardinal continues to dominate bear crawls in ways that YHC simply cannot understand and can only aspire to achieve.
– A peace offering in which Paradox (chief lobbyist for JBL) chose to support Bosé in an awkward moment
– Goose=Beast
– Enron asked YHC to be his partner for the St. Vincent’s 500. YHC said yes.
6 PAX at the Stage
Warm-up:
The usual suspects with some – apparently very challenging – wrist circles, then mosey around the track.
Thang 1: Young and Hopeful
– Absolutions (Groiner, Mahktar N’ Diayes, and Chilly Jack, done on an 8-count cadence); As always, thanks to Goose for maintaining the sanctity of the proper Exicon terminology
– On the concrete; OYO for the duration of “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.” (3 min.)
– Real men should be able to complete 34ish reps. YHC is not a real man.
Thang 2: You must crawl before you walk…or for that matter, before you do lunges with coupons
– Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); army crawl back to start; 5 big boys
– Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); zombie crawl back to start; 5 big boys
– Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); bear crawl back to start; 5 big boys
– Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); lunges back to start; 5 big boys
– High skips WITH coupon, 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); high skips back to start; 5 big boys
– Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 6 bonnie blairs (1=1); 5 big boys
Thang 3: In Your Prime
– For the duration of Hakuna Matata (3 min, 33 sec)
– With coupon, continuing step ups on ledge in stage pavillion, alternating legs
– With coupon, 5 squats on every Hakuna Matata
Thang 4: “Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return” Gen 3:19
Reverse Thang 2
– Sprint across field and back (approx. 100 yards); 5 calf jumps; 5 superman raises
– High skips WITH coupon, 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
– Lunges, core twist to knee side WITH coupon; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
– Bear crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
– Zombie crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
– Army crawl 18 yards to marker; 5 calf jumps; high skips back to start; 5 superman raises
Mary’s…kinda sorta
– WITH coupon; Assortment of what began as four ab exercises for the duration of “Circle of Life” (4 min), alternating randomly at the discretion of the Q.
– WWII sit-ups, big boys, flutter kicks holding coupon high, obliques
– At some point, Enron decided to point out that YHC was not transitioning in the order that it was explained. YHC then added superman raises (with coupon) and American hammers. Enron then further rebelled by not doing superman raises because he allegedly had no skin on his left knee from army crawls.
As YHC continues to learn the ways of the Force, he must become better at explaining thangs and keeping up with Goose.
Gents, thanks for keeping YHC in his Prime and out of the fart sack.
SYITG,
Yankee Joe
