This morning’s episode of “Middle Age Capitalism Fitness Club” featured six indecisive consumers pretending to exercise while solving the real issue: where the hell should we buy our stuff?!
The Runners (aka Team Gazelle):
• Steve, Waterpik, and Cowbell put on their Prime-optimized shoes and ran 4 miles like they were chasing a same-day delivery truck.
• Waterpik, in particular, ran like Jeff Bezos was handing out stocks at the finish line.
The Ruckers (aka Team Bulk Buy):
• Akbar, Jose10k, and Shooter rucked 20 minutes out and 20 minutes back in, using the time to engage in the deep philosophical debate of the morning:
• Is Amazon Prime worth it?
• What about Costco gift cards for non-members?
• Sam’s vs. Costco: Who gives out better free samples?
• And why does every store now have a “Plus,” “Prime,” or “Executive” tier?
By the time we were done, we hadn’t solved any of it—but we burned calories trying. If you’re feeling consumer confusion with a side of cardio, come on out to the City Hall Scramble.
You can ruck in luxury and weigh your buying options—or run with the gazelles and reconsider all your life choices by mile three.
Steve closed us out in prayer, reminding us that while we may not know where to shop, we do know where to start our day.
Upcoming Races:
🦃 Turkey Trot
🏃 4 on the 4th
🇺🇸 9/11 Memorial Run
🛑 And beware… Hammer is planning “beatdowns” with emphasis on the “beat.”
Shooter has the Q tomorrow.
The 5 year anniversary celebratory beatdown at the A1C is July 25th. Come out and celebrate with us. Come out to witness our mythical 75 year old gladiator, Moby. SYITG
This is Jose10k, bulk rucker, indecisive shopper, signing off.
